On Codependent Dating Relationships

[@keemmahkitane8110]

"if the supremacy of Christ in the relationship is not in place, nothing else will be properly in place"- amen. Christ above all.

[@JessiV111]

Ohhh so good soooo good

[@Charles.Wright]

@꧁.꧂ Son of Man 333 ꧁_꧂ - he is worthy of all praise, so... get lost with your heresy!

[@christianmurray8118]

I love the community here. It's wonderful to see a comment section full of people praising God and praising good advice. I thank God every day that I am not the only Christian. The community of Christ is so strong, and we shall prevail.

[@esauponce9759]

Amen!

[@Richie016]

A stable relationship among two people retains ideals of mutual respect and understanding, through God's way to life.

[@thelittlecolt670]

Here are the answers: 3:40 The Supremacy of Christ But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. (Philippians 3:7-8 ESV) 4:42 Drawing Strength, Identity, and Stability in Christ Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:11-13 ESV) 5:52 A Need that Honors and Not Consume The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor (1 Corinthians 12:21-23 ESV) 7:55 Having Joy in Christ even when Being Rejected Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the Son of Man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven. (Luke 6:22-23 ESV) 9:10 Having Joy Beneath the Waves of Sorrows As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. (2 Corinthians 6:10 ESV)

[@clau7079]

thank you

[@londiswamkhize1064]

I don't really understand the 3rd point. How does your need for another member (your boyfriend or husband in this instance), bestow honour on him instead of consume him with neediness? What does this mean practically? I can understand if it means that him providing for your needs confers honour on him. For instance, your need for him to get some groceries on the way home or to attend your kid's hockey match on the weekend would not be seen as neediness because if he did those things, it would bestow honour on him as a provider and attentive father. But I assume needing him to constantly call or text you even when he is at work or out with friends would be consuming him with neediness. I don't know if I interpreted this correctly but if I did then I do not understand how this links back to the scripture in 1 corinthians 12. Ps John seems to link it by saying girlfriend would be the one conferring honour to the boyfriend through her need for him but then does this mean he is the part of the body that is regarded as less honourable and needed greater care and extra honour (NLT)? And does he then get this greater care and honour by providing for his wife's needs? This seems a bit contradictory though. Please can someone just explain this to me with a practical example of a need that confers honour to the husband/boyfriend while linking it back to the verse. (Please note, this is not at all a gender thing. I'm not saying wives/girlfriends are less honourable or are the weaker members in their godly relationships or that hubands/ boyfriends are the only ones that need honour bestowed to them by their wives/girlfriends. I am simply using the context of the question being answered in the video.)

[@ashjade86]

I’m questioning these 5 suggestions within myself.

[@rejante5072]

"no matter how real or painful the loss, the boulder of God's joy beneath the waves of sorrow never moves"

[@renec.holmes2415]

As always, I come in expecting one answer And get a whole new way to think on not just this topic, but others as well

[@timothyblake4234]

I like how the dots connect☺️

[@TheBoss2288]

That ending though by Piper 😳. Goosebumps.

[@mwesigwatimothy1628]

Amen! Thank you Pr. John!

[@HearGodsWord]

It's a shame that this question is needed, but I guess it's good that the young man is trying to deal with it befoe it affects their potential marriage. Very helpful counsel (as always) from Pastor John.

[@josephharty5048]

It's not a shame though. It's a question that many many people in relationships have because it is a reality. This is a problem in our society because many are so fearful to even ask the question.

[@HearGodsWord]

@@josephharty5048 you've just shown why I said "it's a shame". It's a problem in our society, so it's a shame society has caused it.

[@josephharty5048]

@@HearGodsWord ahhhh, gotcha I see now. When I first read your comment I thought it was directed at the man asking it, and not the question itself. Thanks for the clarification!

[@HearGodsWord]

@@josephharty5048 sorry, it wasn't clear bro. Thanks for checking :)

[@CJXcars]

Thank for this Pastor John.

[@rachelmccray6043]

At about 9:08 pastor John says “When slandered, we entreat.” The official definition for the word entreat is ( ask someone earnestly or anxiously to do something.) If anyone knows, how does one “entreat” when slandered? Is that implying that we earnestly ask our slanderer why they are saying what they are saying or do we ask them not to do it anymore. Food for thought would love some feedback!

[@connectingmindsthroughsucc7488]

This was some solid advice and helps one out what they should be looking for intj prospective

[@LRibeiro97]

Boy, that's a really interesting question. As Piper said, "it's not unchristian for a person to feel a kind of need of someone else". And this manifests itself mostly in women towards men. So it's actually healthy for her to need him (specially inside marriage). I guess he must look at a few points: Is he feeling suffocated? I guess it needs to start here. To the young man who asked this: is she demanding too much of your time? Is she expecting you to be with her (in person or via internet) more than you are able to do, or more that what you think it's healthy or desirable for you? If the answer is yes, than you need to establish some rules and limits. Also, he said that she is spending less and less time with family and friends. Let's begin with family: Is her relationship with her parents a good one? Is it healthy and loving? If yes, than you also have a problem, because she is deliberately "burning bridges" with some of the most important people in her life, even tho they are in a good relationship. That could backfire in your marriage later. BUT, if she has an abusive relationship with them, and it's toxic and all that, than it is understandable that she wants to spend less time with them and more time with you, who loves her. (Point of interest here: If the relationship with her parents is good and healthy, than you should also take into account their opinion on the matter. Do they think she is being negligent of her other relationships, specifically with themselves? Are they bothered by how much time she is spending with you? This can give you a good direction. Finally, as for friends, I don't actually see a problem with that. Good people are hard to find these days, which means that you want to surround yourself with good people you will not have many friends. And even so, it is healthier, in my view, for the woman to not spend that much with them. All in all, you might have a problema. Check these things that I have said to see how big is it.

[@dfpolitowski2]

How is she burning bridges by taking the time she once spent with her family and spending it on the new man she is in love with. This is a normal transition in life. You only have so much time in a week and it needs to be divvied up differently when a different stage of life is enter into. Effectively she's leaving and cleaving. A burned bridge is a serious assault on someone. Example, Like cussing up your employer to his face, telling them off as you leave them for another job. Be careful with that concept of "Toxic". Christ doesn't allow for us to cut off any family members only friends can be chosen and move on from. Blessings Dave P.

[@LRibeiro97]

@@dfpolitowski2 I think there needs to be a clarification and a correction here: The persons in question are not yet married, they're dating. During this time, they're both still under their parents. They way the guy asked the quesiton was sugesting that the girl was spending MORE time with him than she should of, in DETRIMENT of time spent with her family. That's what he said, not me. I was saying that when you turn your back on your family COMPLETELY, who was loved and supported you for years, just because of a relationship, you are (quote, unquote) "burning bridges" with them. Once they get married, then sure, she will spend a lot less time with her parents and a lot more time with her husband. So the guy was correctly concerned about that attitude of hers. Also, what you said in the end "Christ doesn't allow for us to cut off any family members only friends can be chosen and move on from." That was exactly what I said. She shouldn't cut off her family members like she was doing. It consues me to see my own point being used in response to what I said.

[@TheBibleStory]

Great questions to think about! Thanks for sharing!

[@Mindsetolympics]

Powerful answer. But left with a lot of interpretation of the listener/person who submited.❤

[@JessiV111]

Address the trust issues , she more than likely has been thru something or her parents were . I think she’s acting out of fear , not clinginess . She needs help to make Christ her number one again , and she probably needs help determining why she is afraid to not be around her boyfriend so much . When I don’t trust , I seem clingy lol when I actually really really want to just do my thing ! I always worry about cheating even tho my guy is sooo faithful ! I FEAR his abandonment or rejection. I am working on it

[@hanban22567]

So good!

[@rejante5072]

everyone in the comments are so helpful and i would really appreciate if someone could help me. i listened to this today to know if i am being too dependent in my relationship. i knew my boyfriend was not okay so i prayed about it. is it wrong for me to check my phone to see if he replied and to want him to talk to me when he's overthinking instead of becoming distant? also, when he's not completely okay, i begin to worry if i have caused him any pain and get scared that he might leave. i tried to discern the points that Pastor John made and i know that my complete joy is in Christ however i am saddened by the thought of losing this relationship.

[@priestfultonjwingbajr1430]

Read here If you want to stop worrying! (Isaiah 40:27)- “How can you say that the Lord does not see your troubles? (Isaiah 49:15)- “Can a woman forget her nursing child?”(16)- “Surely, I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.” (Luke 12:24)- “Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! (Luke 12:25)- “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? (Explanation: He is asking you, can worrying add a day to your life; Making you live longer? He is saying no. Worrying cannot do that for you, but HE CAN! And easily at that!) (Luke 12:26)- “And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things? (Luke 12:27)- “Look at the wild flowers and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.” (Luke 12:28)- “And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?”

[@vico100]

Great!

[@24Revelation]

Good advice. I wonder about the age of the questioner. An 18 year old woman usually doesn't have the maturity or life experience to exhibit spiritual maturity. If 30, 40, 50+ are dating, I would hope there would be a more seasoned and matured faith. Some or most women in their late teens and early 20's hopefully have a passion for Jesus but they need time to learn and mature in their relationships and their faith. God bless and thank you!

[@JessiV111]

Y’all stalking me? Lolol like the last 4 vids seemed like they were about me lolol the Holy Spirit is on to me I guess ! Lol

[@ladyj5682]

This is sooo subjective from human perspective. Only God can really say what people’s motives are. We all need to b careful about making people our number one. Even parents but this is so very hard at times and u find out when parents die. This guy may not b ready for marriage either bc maybe he is feeling pressure to b something he doesn’t really want now. We all have growing points and I’ve found families and churches become closed in groups so what is that? People like Piper are so way above most Christians bc these marriage partners they describe I never seem to see besides what they say on radio and Moody. Even in my churches all this praying and God bringing this and that I’ve never seen even for myself

[@angloaust1575]

Whatever works for the best God provides the attraction between People but leaves it up to them to decide Use own judgement!

[@eagle7757]

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16 KJV, Jesus Christ is the only way.

[@JessiV111]

Oh barf. I am pretty sure I’m the girl he’s talking about lol ,in my own relationship. I am SOOO clingy

[@HearGodsWord]

It's much better to cling to Jesus 🙂

[@LRibeiro97]

Hey. I don't know if you really are or not, but this is what I just posted to the person who asked the question. Maybe it could be of some help: "Boy, that's a really interesting question. As Piper said, "it's not unchristian for a person to feel a kind of need of someone else". And this manifests itself mostly in women towards men. So it's actually healthy for her to need him (specially inside marriage). I guess he must look at a few points: Is he feeling suffocated? I guess it needs to start here. To the young man who asked this: is she demanding too much of your time? Is she expecting you to be with her (in person or via internet) more than you are able to do, or more that what you think it's healthy or desirable for you? If the answer is yes, than you need to establish some rules and limits. Also, he said that she is spending less and less time with family and friends. Let's begin with family: Is her relationship with her parents a good one? Is it healthy and loving? If yes, than you also have a problem, because she is deliberately "burning bridges" with some of the most important people in her life, even tho they are in a good relationship. That could backfire in your marriage later. BUT, if she has an abusive relationship with them, and it's toxic and all that, than it is understandable that she wants to spend less time with them and more time with you, who loves her. (Point of interest here: If the relationship with her parents is good and healthy, than you should also take into account their opinion on the matter. Do they think she is being negligent of her other relationships, specifically with themselves? Are they bothered by how much time she is spending with you? This can give you a good direction. Finally, as for friends, I don't actually see a problem with that. Good people are hard to find these days, which means that you want to surround yourself with good people you will not have many friends. And even so, it is healthier, in my view, for the woman to not spend that much with them. All in all, you might have a problema. Check these things that I have said to see how big is it."

[@pandapop9569]

@@HearGodsWord Amen Jesus Christ is LORD! GOD! OUR MESSIAH! Amen Only He saves!

[@LRibeiro97]

@@HearGodsWord That doesn't help her at all. The question is not who is she clinging to for salvation. Obviously that's Jesus. The question is wether she is clinging too much on her boyfriend INSTEAD of clinging to her family. Avoid trying to spiritualize horizontal problems.

[@HearGodsWord]

@@LRibeiro97 my comment is accurate.

[@vaughnlonganecker986]

Most everything that John Piper is putting forth is correct, it's biblical however, the premise that the relationship should be anything like dating is unbiblical, there is no format of dating that is God's design. I put a thumbs down on this because the basis of the conversation needs to be that it's a courtship, not dating.

[@theoldpaths644]

Christian's dating, What? For a start Christian's should not be dating, because it's simply not Biblical. Dating is practice for divorce and is typically an American cultural concept. Yet again weak argument by Piper who may say some profound things, yet in practice is void of application - typical new calvinism - good albeit watered down theology mixed with bad practice. Bad practice always effects good doctrine. When will true Christian's wake up the dangers of "new calvinism"? Biblical courtship & betrothal however is what we see in Gods Word. If sincere Christian's ever want blessed marriage's & to be equally yoked in marriage - they need to get back to Gods Way and not the worldly concepts.

[@abb848]

O People of the Scripture! Do not exaggerate in your religion nor utter aught concerning Allah save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was only a messenger of Allah, and His word which He conveyed unto Mary, and a spirit from Him. So believe in Allah and His messengers, and say not "Three". Cease! (it is) better for you! Allah is only One God. Far is it removed from His transcendent majesty that he should have a son. His is all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. And Allah is sufficient as Defender. Quran Nisa 171

[@nonegiven9727]

God so loved the world that He gave is only begotten Son, that who ever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. All who call on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ shall be saved.

[@jenniferwalsh1731]

John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."