On losing your mind and finding it again | Sam Gerrits | TEDxArnhem

[@wormwooddove]

Sam, thank you so much for this most excellent talk. There is nothing else quite like your talk on the internet. You’ve conveyed the experience of psychosis in an eloquent, very relatable, uplifting, light hearted yet serious way. I especially liked the way you said that at first you feel like you’re going “more sane” rather than “less sane”. I personally think your ted talk was one of the best I’ve seen about psychosis, second only to Xavier amador’s talk. My magnificent husband is now two years into his psychotic state, and he doesn’t feel that there is anything wrong with him. He knows he has said a lot of mean things and has been very destructive to our property, but he sees those things as being 100% justified and necessary to achieve his universal mission. He sees biblical apocalyptic imagery in the clouds, the waves, my hair...basically in everything and the gods talk to him as if he is the chosen one. Today he hiked up a mountain to an obscure cave to throw a hand towel over a rock in the cave, fell down the mountain more than once in trying to do so - snapped his thrice repaired acl again - Came home feeling like he has just saved the world. It’s been a difficult two years, all family and friends have turned their backs because they just don’t know what else to do or say, he has been in the emergency inpatient ward three times in the past year, but they refuse to keep him because he can talk his way into sounding very normal - perhaps this is for the best because each hospitalization just makes him feel more stigmatized ridiculed and depressed. His delusions are all consuming and all he can talk about - I try to let him talk as much as possible and I try to keep our family afloat (I am the only working parent) - I don’t think he could even hold down a job in his current state of mind. He lives in a reality that is much more fantastic, intense and terrifying than I will ever understand....and I try hard to respect his reality and experiences. However if I ever so much as suggest that the thoughts he’s having may not be real, he completely shuts down - I feel so helpless, I’m his only advocate in the world. The myriad of friends that we had that loved being around his very charismatic personality when he was well all suddenly disappeared. As his mentally healthy wife, I feel abandoned by society. Your talk made me feel less abandoned. Your talk made sense and was super informative without being sterile and academic. Thank you for selflessly sharing your private inner struggles with us. Just want you to know that it helps and is making a tremendous difference for me. Please ignore the hateful comments by some of the folks a above! My hope is that society will embrace psychosis as a natural process so that it will not be so stigmatized. It’s the stigmatization that makes everything worse. Everyone has mini episodes of psychosis daily : talking to god, talking to your pet lizard, feeling like a special stonenfound on the beach has special significance and was meant for you, feeling like things are “meant to be”. I felt some undeniable sense that I was meant to marry my husband while sitting on top of a waterfall - was that an episode of psychosis? We need more talks like yours on youtube.

[@samgerrits]

Thank you so much for your kind words Eileen. They mean the world to me. They make this whole effort, talking about being insane in a language that is in essence foreign to me, worth it. I prepared this TEDx-talk not only for people like your your husband, I did it with people like yourself in mind too. So thank you again for your kind words. In dealing with your husband, you of course understand by now, that while he cannot relate on a cognitive level to the content of your words, he can relate on a mammal level. His instincts are keener than ever. So, if you can bear it, make him feel loved and protected. There may come a day, when he is open to the suggestion, that maybe he is not "the chosen one", that maybe he has just been duped by his own brain, like so many of the people here in the comments, including myself. Wisdom, peace and sobriety to you. Best! Sam

[@wormwooddove]

Sam Gerrits - just wanted to give you an update! Things got worse to the point where he was throwing our entire home away - because somehow all our valuable items - and all the appliances in our home somehow scared him - he won’t go into any more detail than that to me....but it resulted in multiple 911 calls...and after series of painful failed attempts, I was able to have him hospitalized for ten days, enough to have a month long injectable antipsychotic be given. He is now home, admits that he needs meds, has a job and believes god has put me here to guide him...so he listens! We are going to start a local chapter of schizophrenics anonymous and he takes his medications each day. He still has some strong religious delusions, he still thinks he is the second son of god, but I think at this point they are helping him rather than hurting him. He’s still very irritable all the time, but is much more aware and lucid, and he will even apologize afterwards for his irritability. To all the family members struggling like I was, I want to say - do whatever you can to get your psychotic loved one on an antipsychotic. The medication was like magic. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to see the man I married again - but after two weeks of invega, I started seeing him again - the loving man I married. He said that there were so many thoughts racing through his head, he couldn’t even organize them fast enough - and it was such a scary place. He said that he wished someone had told him that the shot wasn’t going to hurt him, that the shot would not turn him into a zombie. With the medication, he has clarity and colors are brighter, and smells seem more vibrant. He wished someone had told him that everything would be wonderful after the shot - rather than focusing on convincing him he was sick and that he needed medications only. Now he intends to stay on his medications for life! I got my husband back just in time for Christmas. He even watched your Ted Talk Sam!

[@samgerrits]

@@wormwooddove Dear Eileen, thank you for your message, it really moved me. Your husband's experiences are almost exactly the same as mine, all those years ago. People were trying to help me, but I got futher and further removed from reality. In the end the police had to pick me up, and I was injected with antipsychotic drugs. After which I slowly rediscovered myself. It is normal for people to cherish their psychotic delusions for a long time. The imprint of these delusions on the brain is very intense and very deep, due to the nature of psychosis. I know this from experience. But, as I have said before, it is unrequited love. If your husband does not denounce these psychotic thoughts, they will lead kim to psychosis again and again. I have seen this happen with a friend of mine, that was a very good chess plyer when I met him. But he never let go of the conviction that he was a Buddha, and he is today in a very sorry state indeed. He cannot play chess anymore at a serious level, because every psychotic episode causes brain damage. So it is imperative that your husband stays sane, for the sake of his own brain. He probably experiences post-psychotic effects right now, like over sensitiveness to light and the inability to read. Further down the road, on a good and calm moment, you must try and explain to him, that his most deeply felt convictions, possibly deeper felt than his love for you, are false. This is going to be extremely difficult. But with your big loving heart and smart brain, I think you can do it. Just do not agitate your husband in any way, during this process. If he is not ready to hear it, let it go. This is for him the most painful disillusion he will ever have to process. It is important to stress to him, that you understand the intensity of the emotion and the deep conviction that is connected to it. Do not denounce his dreams. But try to make him understand, that schizophrenia is a disease of dreams and visions. The dreams may be beautiful and heart felt, but the brain gets addicted to them. It's like with the sirens or the lotus eaters in the Odyssee, you lose your life, or years of your life, to them. He must understand, that will lose you and you will lose him, if he goes further down the "second son of God" path. All, the best, much luck, wisdom and love, guiding your husband out of the woods. They are lovely, dark and deep.

[@wormwooddove]

Sam Gerrits - I just wanted to drop in to give you an update. We are three months into being stabilized with depakote and injectable invega. Things are starting to return to normal. He understands that he needs my help in this journey whether he likes it or not and he allows me to help him with appointments, meds and organize his days. His talking to god delusion is very strong. I find him talking to god throughout the day on the balcony and writing love notes to god around the house. I feel like he doesn’t want friends anymore because no one can possibly compare to god....for the most part he keeps these thoughts to himself and understands that no one shares these thoughts and he’s making a huge effort to be a functional member of the family. I appreciate all the tips above on helping him let go of his central delusion. I feel like his relationship with god may be a forever part of his personality and For now I’ve let it go for the most part - he doesn’t try to convince me and I don’t try to convince him. I figure it helps him get through the day as we reajust. I wonder, Is it even reasonable to expect it to go away - I can only imagine how difficult it would be to let go of such a wonderful experience of having unconditional support to come back to a world of people that judge, criticize and don’t understand....I do feel that as long as he maintains this god delusion that he will be incapable of truly making friends again, and this makes me so sad because he had such a rich and wonderful social life prior to his psychosis. I wonder if it’s possible for him to maintain just a little of the delusion, maybe just enough for him to get by without snowballing down the path of psychosis....I guess only time will tell. I’m so proud of my husband for coming back from the brink, and want to help spread the word and educate people to help them cope and recover! Wishing you lots of love and happiness Sam! Thank you again for being such a positive force in this world.

[@samgerrits]

@@wormwooddove Hi Eileen, thank you for your update. I can understand why your husband is having a hard time letting go of his direct contact with God. He needs to keep up this illusion of being The Chosen One, because the abyss of "maybe I'm wrong" is way too deep currently. What about the sacrifices he's made. He gave up everything for it. I also figure it helps him get through the days currently. Be patient with hem, he needs to feel safe enough to let go. It's a bit like a favorite doll of a very scared child. No use trying to take it away by force. I am in awe of the loving work you do for your husband. I wish you guys the best, with his recorery and your assistance. Keep us posted!

[@ashleymcm405]

Sam, I need you to know this NAILED it, and I started crying/fist pumping/screaming YES!!!!! when it ended, until then I think I held my breath for 8 mins straight! This was everything I had no words to say and I’ve sent it to everyone I love. A huge THANK YOU SIR for telling my story for me, loved every single word…

[@samgerrits]

Wow. Thank you so much Ashley! This I why I do this. For US

[@juliepeterson4905]

Loosing your mind is scary then sad and left me feeling vulnerable and now exposed at all times and i think it all had to do with being isolated.

[@jorenx9825]

Take care! How do you cope with the current difficult times we are in?

[@highgradezaza7971]

Stay away from isolation and be loved

[@vicman80best]

Julie Peterson you correct isolation is a major cause. Isolation due to the government reaction to the new cold virus has increased mental episodes.

[@GorgeousHotRat]

tell that to saburu from re zero

[@reinasvibez8950]

Exactly I'm isolated and I hate it.

[@vanwilderx2927]

I'm stuck in this situation, last year I got exactly like he mentioned , watching tv , seeing weird imaginary things and what not , lost my mind and started running around thinking people are planning on to kill me , and it happened for quite a long time, I use to drink alot, get high alot and I think over thinking made me go absolutely zero. But after few medications, I started feeling better, felt good about me , stopped alcohol or weed consumption. Sadly I started doing it again after getting better in six months I'm back to this wierd world and I know who the culprit is, my smoking and drinking habit. Thank u brother for saving me just in time, I'm not kidding U r like a saviour to me man

[@samgerrits]

You can get out. It just takes a lot of patience. Took me 5 years. Most importantly: you need to let go of your "central revelation". We all get this "central revelation" when we're crazy, that is like the nexus of all the psychotic thoughts. I had one too. This nexus is very very enticing, but it's unrequited love. The nexus does not believe in you, the way you believe in it. If you stick to believing in it, it will cause you to spiral back into madness again and again, and it will ruin your life.

[@samgerrits]

Just read your update. Was extremely moved by it. If I helped your mental health in any way with my talk, that alone makes it worth the effort.

[@samgerrits]

Good on you! Reality is the best operating system.

[@bellaj6931]

What medications did you take? If you don’t mind me asking. Very glad you’re feeling better

[@theexperience8074]

It may be hard to stay sobar but being sobar is so amazing and beautiful, drugs and alcohol seem to rob you of your true happiness that joy you felt as a child that natural high!, just volunteer pray and fast, this cannot be done alone to quit substances, you need the help of the holy spirit! I lost my mind too, one time i was ok, then i started reading the bible and seeking God, the closer i got to the more i completely lost it, i felt this extreme power in my body, i started touching doors thinking i was healing people just by touching there door, all of sudden everyone cane out of there rooms i am speaking in tongues and touching doors, then all of a sudden i hear the voice of God, someone had bought out a bucket of water to pour it on me becausw they thought i was possessed by a demon. Security guards came out and they all told the woman if she poured water on me she would be arrested. So then the lord told me to grab the bucket of water and pour it on myself, and so i did exactly what he told, me, it was like a baptism. Before that i had fasted for 21 days no food. Infact thats how i eneded up becoming a vegiterian. But police came and the abulance came and took me into a mental institution, i cooperated with them so it was really nice to just be able to have nice people like them deal with, me, i was living in a shelter at that time, with my daughter, my daughter was taken away from me that day because i had no immediate family mebers to take her in all my family members were living out of town. I didnt panick i just trusted God and allowed him to do his will, there is alot of power in the bible i am telling you, it was like i took some drug, and i didnt, i suddenly just felt extremely powerful like something had been removed from me that was destroying me. I am better now and i was better then too, i just completely lost it, the miracle in that situation was that my daughter was placed and adopted by a better family eventually, and it didnt take too long, she didnt have to be in the foster system, the family that adopted her loved her so much that they wanted to keep her as there own, out of so many other children so i thought that was a huge blessing, many people may think getting your child taken away from you is the worst thing and it is in a sense but its not such a bad thing when you discover that your child will be adopted into a much better home, she doesnt have to live in the shelter any more, she doesnt have to get low income education, no offense to it all but she can be with other children that are alot more focussed on there education etc. And really learn. The closer you get to God the more it seems like you have completely lost your mind, you see angels, you hear his voive. I even went to heaven before in spirit and thats a whole nother story, but i have come to except that i am not like alot of people, i am not crazy i am just in the world but not of the world

[@andreasspyrou7688]

I went through the same exact thing. I felt I was the chosen one and all and I must do something big and at the same time everything is against me going more into psychosis. This is how I came back ! I separated my self from my mind and i chose to love! Loving people around me brought me back ❤️. It is a very scary place to be when you are alone at it. Your are not alone !

[@samgerrits]

Thank you for reaching out. Love is key.

[@HelenDownhill]

Agree you have nailed it - thanks for your bravery speaking up- you have given me bravery to speak up too - I was on the edge of doing so! Us so called 50% of people who make a good recovery from psychosis and who don't speak up for fear of it affecting our lives - we are left with shame of talking about our experience for fear being discriminated against. I have been well for over 12 years. I am a qualified social worker with 20 years exp - I have been on my own healing journey which has been so much broader than my brief psychosis. I am undertaking an applied MA and hope to do a PhD. I feel media narratives including MH charities do not include our recovery stories - most of our voices are not out there on the internet. Yours really is one of the exceptions. I am looking at doing a research project next year and would love to speak to people who have experienced brief psychotic disorder/ drug induced psychosis - something around challenging incomplete information about psychosis in the media and stories of hope - I am still fleshing out the topic. I would love a world where we can speak up and feel cared about - and young people who have this experience can look to our stories and have hope and not feel shame. My heart goes out to those with chronic conditions - no doubt with their own recovery stories - and I can only feel us speaking up will help you too. Linked in - Helen Downhill

[@samgerrits]

Thank you so much for reaching out Helen, sent you a linking invitation

[@aloalo3727]

I "went crazy" and I have never been the same. I see it differently though. Mine was induced by trauma. I broke as a human completely. There was abd still is no way to put me back together again and I am completely ok with that now. I realized that I was going through life with a shattered windshield skewing my perspective of life because of all the injuries I sustained along the ride called life. I just adapted to the view and kept it moving and on to the next tragedy. I never knew how broken and close to death i actually was until my spirit was finally fatally wounded. I was down for the count for the first time in life and I knew i was never getting up despite my desperate attempts to. I felt like I was literally burning on fire 24/7 for 6 months straight without cessation. Nothing made sense anymore and instantly. Everything looked like plastic putrid filth and nothing was familiar ever again. I began to experience visions and spiritual travels that brought me revelations absolutely not from our existence. I then truly believed in God and saw how i had been so deceived just like the rest of the world. I did actually believe that I didn't exist for quite some time and I thought I must be in purgatory. Everything was extremely silent and I could hear ringing in my ears and I was completely disconnected from life on this planet. I was dead. My flame was put out. My spark of life did not put forth light. I was murdered by hate and I knew it. I went through a lot during those years and yes years. 2019 to 2023 January i was completely gone. I did touch back down on the planet that January and I was in shock at what had happened to me and the cause of my demise was tragic BUT Jesus came and lit my candle and reignited my flame. I will never ever be alive again and those days are gone. I have learned that to die is to live and in my death I am now free......free from the chains of this life. Days can still be hard sometimes but nothing will ever compare to my darkest days during that time. There was no relief, light or happiness. I am resilient and I never gave up. I rode that wave bravely and learned whatever i could from the experience. I don't think i was crazy. I was aware of everything that was happening. Sometimes life as we know it can't make sense anymore and the reality we find ourselves in is so far from normal but it is all just a part of my life experience and I am more than thankful for it. I was forced to look at life without a windshield because it shattered.....had that not happened i would have continued traveling through life with a fractured, distorted view because i wouldn't have known ther was another view instead of seeing the true beauty of each breath like i can now. Change is very uncomfortable. Without pain there is no motivation for change. I welcome pain now and I will continually be changing forever.

[@Seamannon]

Thank you for sharing, I can relate.

[@keziahjoymusic]

Thankyou for sharing this. I'm so glad to see someone has been set free from mental health issues because of Jesus Christ! I hope you know that God loves you so very much. Reading your story gives me hope, because I went through alot of trauma also and now have mental health to think about on a daily basis. Mainly just been learning how to be patient and hold steady rather than fighting to make the right next turn.

[@prestoneilers1528]

You can master it, and be in control of your own mind being in that constant state of peace. Until you question yourself. Just do you, and dont think to much

[@blueberrybery2495]

Preston Eilers easy for you to say

[@bayoubabe6698]

The “thinking too much” is very difficult to get past...and it still seeps out at times.

[@matthewcasebolt1902]

All I do is think

[@annettekelly6446]

I think we're all 'a little bit crazy', especially depending on what life deal us. Sometimes we always go a bit crazy because it's the only path open at that moment. It's brave to stand up and speak out... Thank you for your courage!

[@feizablaiech6810]

Casual crazy is very different from real crazy

[@summer7529]

He is talking about auditory hallucinations and delusions and loosing touch with reality and being non functional. This not little bit at all.

[@MG123abc1]

"The first time you lose your mind you don't feel like you're becoming less sane, you feel like you are becoming more sane." I relate to that. When I went through psychosis, my symptoms began far earlier than my psychotic breakdown. Actually, there were symptoms more than a year before the breakdown. Social isolation was the beginning of the breakdown of my reality, and I wasn't even that socially isolated. (But then the pandemic, and social lockdown and a number of other factors exacerbated the psychosis) I remember that I had people to talk to on a daily basis, but in my mind, I felt like I was only communicating with others on a superficial level. Like, there weren't any people to truly understand my perspective. In the religious community they say, "Talk to God." But what if, you have delusional thinking and you don't recognize it yet? Then, it starts to feel like God is talking back. Then, all the time God is talking back. Then God says go left, so you go left. Then, you are at the whim of whatever the voice is telling you. Today, I still hold onto my spiritual beliefs, but I realize that I am the source of all that noise in my head. I do still believe in God, but spiritual belief must have its limits and removing myself from certain spiritual communities while maintaining a perspective that allows me to understand the science and psychology of what goes on in my mind ultimately saved me.

[@samgerrits]

Well spoken, friend. I sometimes still miss the times when 'God talked back', but ultimately it's just us talking to ourselves, and the fallout is so bad, the trip is never worth it

[@zain7035]

R u a god voice hearer

[@keziahjoymusic]

​@@zain7035who wants to know?

[@laxmirai3136]

the way you describe it is actually what i go through,i have these episodes from time to time.

[@samgerrits]

Thank you so much. It's good to be heard and understood

[@josephrobinsonjr1248]

As you are returning from an emotional Rock Bottom journey you begin to understand the process of Sanity and you begin to Enjoy Happiness. Your entire world becomes free and you begin to look at life different and you begin to feel different emotionally. I became a realist once I got control of my mind. Meaning, I take life for what it is and people for what they are. Life is a journey of pit stops and at each stop, there is something to be learned and to be gained to understand your life purpose. I feel the true meaning of humble is, embracing the process of life’s ups and downs. Meaning, your attitude toward Ups and Downs should always be same regardless of what day it is. The Journey is retuning...

[@wisteria1739]

This really hit me💯

[@samgerrits]

Thank you for telling me about your journey towards healing

[@candaceberan3592]

Oh man. This is so good. Its the most uplifting and truthful video of dealing with psychosis and putting it in perspective.

[@samgerrits]

Thank you so much Candace. It's good to be heard and understood.

[@marshmallowpill]

My boyfriend dealing with psychosis i am trying my best to support him when he is feeling bad but i am so sensitive and i start crying when i see him like this i am ready to help him anytime pray for me to be strong and for him to heal soon 😔

[@yomamacrib3297]

Is he any better?

[@wonderwoman7969]

Leave for your own mental and emotional health.

[@NoahOnYT.]

Losing your mind is like a blackhole. Every realization comes with new questions (if you know what i mean, ya know what i mean) and its just an endless cycle of you running around inside your own head I appreciate your story as I have lost my mind before too due to psychedelic drugs. Always remember, getting lost in thought can be good but always remember to bring a map incase you dont remember how to get home. If you dont, you could be lost forever.

[@Oliver-bn7jt]

is it terrifying

[@raquelp8057]

@clauz how long did this last you? Did you get any treatment? I’m sorry to ask I just have a family member experiencing this

[@wormwooddove]

Raquel P please read through my above thread to Sam about me getting my husband treatment. Hopefully it will be useful to you.

[@samgerrits]

Yes it is. Thanks for sharing.

[@kotafortine3309]

I've been experiencing symptoms of psychosis since November.. I hope to go back to "normal" soon :( my psychosis was drug and Truama induced, although I believe it was mostly because of my drug abuse. If I heal from this I swear to whatever is up there I will never touch weed with a ten foot pole.

[@samgerrits]

Sounds like a smart decision. Good luck with keeping it on the straight and narrow. Much wisdom and luck on your path.

[@franccci]

i totally understand you, I once tried weed with my friends and other people I didn't know and when I was high I got a full on panic attack. I regretted that decision but in the end by making new healthy habits and staying on track with everything I kinda got back to normal. I wish you good luck on your recovery and I'm sure you're gonna be normal again:)

[@johnbethel6]

Kota Fortine how you doing now?

[@kmars3239]

Kota Fortine I am so sorry, to hear this. I’m praying you are getting better. Psychosis is so scary.

[@bellaj6931]

Kota Fortine mine is also drug and trauma indused... been like this since September 2012, i hope you’re doing much better now

[@yoseeev8306]

if you ever need to talk, talk to someone who you love. Be caring, be love, confess and let go. 🍂🌞

[@tjwadsworth7413]

I feel like it's a place of understanding that I moved through, and I walked out of it with a deeper meaning...now it's several years later and I'm afraid that going back there is exactly what I need to do to figure out the next phase of my life...

[@lindafabiano8994]

My son took his own life while in psychosis. He was one day from help when his voices told him to kill himself. Thank you for sharing your story. Such a complicated and powerful thing, psychosis is. How I wish I were educated early on. My heart and mind are filled with empathy now.

[@samgerrits]

Oh Linda, what a terrible loss. I wish you wisdom and strengh

[@champagnemoneyabuelo]

I lost my mind once before. It was probably sleep deprivation. But I was also listening to some binaural beats/frequencies and I think they had an effect.

[@Duck72432]

Interesting I’ve heard this from a few people defiantly needs looking into

[@Rup869]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I've been looking to see if anyone is like me in that way. I find it hard to fall asleep and if I don't sleep I can be awake 3 to 4 days, also knowing that this turns into hallucinations paranoia and my sense of hearing becomes really sensitive. I've been begging my doctor for help and just get left. Thankfully now I've had an appointment through for the beginning of Feb 2022. I don't know what to say to the mental health team. I'm so scared they'll not help. Any advice I'd be truly grateful 🙏

[@pilarlago5162]

Thank you for sharing your truth. You rock man!!!

[@samgerrits]

Thanks a bunch, and thanks for rocking with me!

[@jahkelojoseph8213]

This kind of explains a lot. I really have no clue about my own mentel health but i see myself as isolated with the inability to even speak to people because of the crazy amount of precausion and hate in my head. I even criticise myself for it because it seems foolish and i should have this issue. So i hit myself sometimes when i really lose control. Currently in fear of what levels i can reach with the pain.

[@samgerrits]

You can heal and rebuild your life.. It just takes a lot of time and patience. Took me 5 years. Most importantly: you need to let go of your "central revelation". We all get this "central revelation" when we're crazy, that is like the nexus of all the psychotic thoughts. I had one too. This nexus is very very enticing, but it's unrequited love. The nexus does not believe in you, the way you believe in it. If you stick to believing in it, it will cause you to spiral back into madness again and again, and it will ruin your life.

[@christinebadostain6887]

there is a truth in the "madness"---it is trying to tell you that your life is already in ruins and the unconscious is trying to get your attention

[@charronfamilyconnect]

Thanks for the talk, and I am glad you have recovered well from your 1st psychosis event. I hope this does't come off as sounding bold, but I have one curious question for you in response to you claiming this condition is a lifelong chronic issue: What if the psychosis was induced from an anti-depressant or another drug? Are these forms of psychosis usually temporary unlike chronic schizoprenia disorders, and don't last years and years?

[@cynthiacole6140]

Instead of seeking help when I needed it, I let a person into my life that took advantage of my confusion and vulnerability. I do not see ever recovering now. I’m isolated from family. I hope you all find or have found your way out.

[@samgerrits]

I hope you can find the strengh to reach out to good people. Think of yourself as a fox, digging in various holes for tasty rabbits. You may have instead encountered a couple of badgers, and those were bad experiences. There are still plenty of rabbits about, though. Reach out to professionals.

[@aloalo3727]

Accept the new reality.....embrace it.......

[@tenikaj70]

Thank you for your sincere talk.

[@sanandolamente6062]

me too. thank you for sharing our stories

[@bbvaghhjj6130]

the mind and the body are temples, they should be taken care of and remain clean

[@chathuranganijayasekera2995]

Yes

[@SjorsHoukes]

How does this relate to the video?

[@corinavandewetering21]

Psychoses and Manic/Depression for 16 years now so surviving is all i know. It will be allright some day cause i will find my solution to my trauma's. Didnt born this way so there is a solution to my brain problem. I am from the Netherlands 🌺

[@TRIA99]

Melatonin 1 Benadryl every 6 hours helps me... Maybe you too?

[@jughead390]

Thanks man. Your talk puts things in perspective, makes me think more about people I'd regard as crazy and the possible impermanence of that state.. the malleability of the human psyche and whatnot. Great talk, thankyou! Erg goed! :D

[@samgerrits]

Thank you! This means a lot.

[@Blossom-ne4bk]

I hope I can rebuild my life somehow and get there one day. I have been broken and unhappy since I was 4, as I can remember every memory. I know it will take a long time though.

[@scriptranda6370]

What brings me here is yesterday me and my friends were high and after 1 hour i lost my mind... OMG i never experienced it before I struggled alot to think what am doing who am i why am here. OMG i was thrown into a loop where only a single moment is flashing whole time. HOW I FELT: FEAR of everything. Stuck In a LOOP. Excessive Heart beat Mainly i felt like i only belong to mental hospital Only few minutes left for my last breath... After 30 mins i slept on my bed and recollecting every thing thinking myself. To make myself feel better and after my attempts am back OMG 🙏🏻 please never do this to me again. About 1 hour am crazy only thinking about mom, dad and my girlfriend .. and forcing my friends to call doctor

[@lauren-ww1ip]

That sounds like ego death. I've been through it on psychedlics. You will be ok in some time. You may have not done the drugs with the right people, in the right place or had the right mindset. It's very important when using psychedlics that there are proper intentions , set up, care, and health before beginning. If you just dive in thinking you want to do it for fun, often times you will be over whelemed by the sheer power of the revelations the mind will have on the drug. It is not something to take lightly. Psychedlics can be a great spiritual teacher if used correctly and with respect. Take care.

[@bayoubabe6698]

Yes, IF you decide to take any drugs ( especially as an amateur) always have an experienced friend! They can often talk you through a bad experience. IMHO, it’s probably just not best for you to do drugs. It wasn’t fun for you...just a hard learned experience. Take care.

[@kats5201]

Wow… wonderful talk. This is spot on. Thanks for sharing 🙏

[@samgerrits]

THank you so much. It's good to be heard and understood

[@evemarksfulfillmentcoach633]

Thank you for sharing that

[@justmadeit2]

Mental health problems such as severe depression combined with insomnia is terrifying along with other ones

[@ashedwards309]

Thank you.

[@elizabethbaird3604]

It is possible to come out of a psychotic break without having to resort to medication. They can be seen as spiritual emergencies, or crises, which can be processed and integrated in order to further one’s conscious evolution. Meds interrupt that process.

[@Sloboda2310]

yes. but you need a teacher to go trough that... Try reading Uspenski or Gudjieff...

[@youngboipurpey8325]

Yessir and ima living testimony 💯🚫🧢

[@daryl9799]

Yes I did it taking medication is just gonna turn you into a zombie you have to face your pain feel all your suppressed emotions. All this guy is describing is a spiritual awakening and the fact he has no idea thats what it's is very strange.

[@keziahjoymusic]

​@@daryl9799😢 it's concerning that you would think this kind of "awakening" is good, considering how many people have been killed because of it. This is not a 'spiritual awakening', it's strong delusion as people are getting targeted by demonic spirits that want to ruin these people's lives. What's happening to them is not some kind of mental puberty where they come out on the other side more matured, it on the contrary has done more damage and virtually no good in the average case. As someone who was "talked to by the tv" and talked to God... felt more sane rather than less... and had real encounters with the love of Jesus Christ, I have to say that the only true spiritual awakening is one that results in life, and that more abundantly is found in Christ. Do not be deceived. I speak from a place of love and faith. May God's peace be upon you

[@redeye2853]

Reality feels very slippery. I have one foot in the door of insanity.

[@jackiejoestar4353]

This vid has helped me a lot. I can't thank you enough...

[@Captor_]

Maybe I had to go crazy To get where I am I felt myself slippin away And I let myself fall Gotta lose your mind Before you find it And when you find you find it You find out You never lost it at all Eyedea...

[@AnthonyLiccione]

"Sometimes you have to lose a few marbles, and have it roll to find new pavement."

[@ruxoox6719]

We are all chosen

[@samgerrits]

Could be, Or nobody is chosen. I'm still not quite sure ;-)

[@melstampz]

Thank You!

[@saturnianitch8384]

Well put!

[@danashannon8234]

I like this guy

[@kattyk6370]

THANKOU,🌼How brave!!🌱And to know that one can recover🌈

[@GorgeousHotRat]

who are you saburu from re zero !??!??

[@phinexblit9029]

Thanks for sharing

[@fredweeks9451]

Sam i've recently come out of an episode and have no idea what steps tot take im severely anxious around all people but especially those who havnt been through it, im really struggling but struggling in silence trying to put a brave face on it. i feel alienated and misunderstood isolated from my friends and family and i don't really know what to do

[@fredweeks9451]

any help or info from someone whos recovered would be great

[@wormwooddove]

Fred Weeks my husband is just coming out of an episode himself - I’m thinking about starting an online forum on Facebook. Perhaps for now we can use this ted talk as a forum since it’s attached to such an amazing message that already has wide appeal. Frustrating is an understatement when no one around you understands what you’re going through. I’m still learning to help my husband myself, but here are some tips that may help: - Learn to forgive people for not understanding - don’t even try to explain your situation unless you trust them entirely - you will just end up with a lot of horrible but well intentioned advice - stay on your medications: it will give you the clarity to reconnect with the world and move forward - Listen to as many Ted talks about Mental illness as you can find. I recommend “bending realities to see around corners”, “I’m not sick, I don’t need help”, “what if there was no stigma associated with mental illness”, there are many many others. There are also some audiobooks I would highly recommend: “Living thoughts by Marcel Armstrong” and “An unquiet mind” - Make checklists on a white board at the beginning of the day to help you stay in task - understand that you are gifted and remarkable in ways that make you exceptional...the way my therapist put it - you are three standard deviations from the mean of the bell curve. The reason most “normal” people don’t understand is that they aren’t gifted like you. They may be entirely incapable of understanding - learning to be ok with most people not understanding and still functioning in this world with your head held high is your goal - find just a couple people you trust to walk by your side on this journey. It will make it so much more comfortable and enjoyable. Hope this helps. Good luck! Sounds like you’re doing an amazing job already.

[@fredweeks9451]

thank you so much for the kind words eileen. since this message ive started a part time job to reintegrate into society met a guy who was schizo effective today which was a warm relief to be able to open up to someone going through mental health issues. ive started to open up to a couple of people at my group and my aunt is being a great help as well feeling less alone through this process. well let me know if you do because id love to be a part of it and i have a few friends who would too. and i'll give those videos a look ive become rather addicted to these mental health videos on youtube. hope you and your husband are doing well! X

[@Oliver-bn7jt]

are you okay now need any advice or?

[@wormwooddove]

Fred Weeks that’s amazing! I’m sorry I just found this response - I hope things are going well for you still. There have been ups and downs in my husbands recovery, happy to report it’s been mostly ups for the last 11 months. He’s trying hard - but I’m not sure he will ever be able to let go of his “central delusion” of being able to talk openly to God all the time - he only does it when he doesn’t think anyone is looking - but of course I see him all the time - it’s not too bad but it does distance him from us He is currently in ability and depakote. It’s doing well at bringing him back when he gets close to going over the edge.

[@GiorgiAkhalaia]

Respect

[@vicman80best]

I don't think anyone is "sain" untill they go insane. Anyone can loose their mind by loosing sleep and or not eating.

[@sarribrox4784]

This makes me more depressed...

[@samgerrits]

Sorry, I know it's hard to take in, especially when you're recovering from an episode in which you were The Chosen One. But if you want to become a full member of society again, it's vital to let go of the God self delusion.

[@marwamimi843]

Sarrib ROX same here

[@yoseeev8306]

yes 🙇🏽

[@kiyanaak3269]

Hi, I was there. Not once, many times.

[@malikwright309]

You’re supposed to teach/share your faith and/or create art. Artists blow up off psychosis all the time, as in damn near all that blow after 20. You have to use it. It don’t take years to recover from unless you don’t use the experience productively. I went through it twice, the first time I just kept living life, the second time I started ghostwriting and years later had work still coming out from 3months of intensive writing. You might shy away from society, but don’t shy away from being productive.

[@daryl9799]

He is just talking about having a spiritual awakening its happening to lots of people these days. The way he presents this makes thing worse.

[@malikwright309]

@@daryl9799 that’s what I’m talking about too

[@daryl9799]

@malikwright309 Agreed its just a wierd presentation I think it's the meds talking.

[@billiezamora9582]

Ur beautiful, I hope I make it to where you are someday also struggle with psychosis , I want to be a writer and the best part was at the end when you said that your family still loves you and your loved ones and my still stick by my side I'm just afraid I'm losing it and I could lose it and it'll come back and it's so be there but I'd be gone

[@jennytheos7160]

Going through it.

[@youngboipurpey8325]

I believe there’s different types of insanity cause I when i basically gave myself psychosis it wasn’t like what he talking about almost half way in the video like I believe that there’s variations of psychosis like specific type

[@Rup869]

I've been looking to see if anyone is like me in the way that lack of sleep effects me so badly. I find it hard to fall asleep and if I don't sleep I can be awake 3 to 4 days, also knowing that this turns into hallucinations paranoia and my sense of hearing becomes really sensitive. I've been begging my doctor for help and just get left. Thankfully now I've had an appointment through for the beginning of Feb 2022. I don't know what to say to the mental health team. I'm so scared they'll not help. Any advice I'd be truly grateful 🙏

[@Rohriem-tw6qu]

Weeeeeak when the universe recruits you, you dont chicken out on meds

[@lbb2338]

I wish he would have gotten more into depth about what his personal experience was. I didnt really pull anything from this talk.

[@crazyvoid8002]

Missing sleep helped me get different views

[@teflonmusk11B]

I really embarrassed myself the other day due to ptsd

[@Agaetis181]

why do people have the same “chosen one” experiences? I find that more interesting than anything tbh, since these same experiences can be had through psychedelics. what if the world really is speaking to you in some way and it’s best you know nothing of it, since it drives you to psychosis.

[@samgerrits]

Maybe the world / universe really is speaking to you, could be. But it's like you get spoken to in the programming language of reality. I am not conversant in this language. The experience is extremely intense, but I did not get much out of it in the long run. Except the realization that the brain is very good at fooling itself, and that humans are not built to regularly deal with these experiences in a healthy way.

[@TheSarahSombrero]

To me those messages are just like anxiety. Your brain activity is subconsciously looking for a stimuli to focus on so those tv messages seems like secret messages sent personally to you , when it’s just the mind playing tricks as real as it may feel. Like the anxiety brain looks for something to worry about when in reality its not a big deal. I think psychosis as with every mental illness is when the mind is really out of balance and caused by a lot of things so it’s important to stay grounded

[@samgerrits]

You are absolutely right. The most important thing is to realize the mind is playing tricks, and to stay connected to reality.

[@samgerrits]

This is something I've thought about a lot. Whatever is speaking to you, your own mind or the world, best ignore it. The legend of Odysseus and the sirens comes to mind.

[@christinebadostain6887]

we are all "chosen" in that experience of profound insight we see the absolute ineffable reality of being a unique being created out of love---"chosen" in the sense that there is only, and always will be, one me

[@ashleyw1060]

Realizing that I have gone crazy lol

[@esmeraldasilver8763]

Can you share if u are still on medications

[@samgerrits]

Hi Esmeralda, yes I still am. I tried to go without but I need them like diabetics need insulin. I've been on quetiapine since 2001. I try to eat healthy and not too much, It's a fine balance.

[@esmeraldasilver8763]

Was weed the cause of the psychosis or were you doing other drugs..

[@samgerrits]

@@esmeraldasilver8763 see @ 1.21

[@itstherealmystery9286]

I have some things I’d like to share I’d prefer to be anonymous though because it involves the government and I don’t wanna get killed for awakening the people to a bit of the truth

[@mizuki4351]

what is it

[@itstherealmystery9286]

From brainwashing to chakras the third eye the spiritual side of the universe

[@lomein222]

Mike Thaxton tell us

[@Alahirta]

broo tell us something

[@FoodOnDemand]

do you guys feel like you are feeling hella numb and blank all of a sudden?you feel like you are gonna collapse any moment?you are having appetite problems?

[@lutchieperegil7857]

Life is Boring, without Love 💕 and Losing Minds because of it! But, my Suggestions to Women, DO NOT GET Pregnant,and Let Other Men shouldered the Responsibilities and Obligations of supposedly the Original Father.

[@briellehunter7233]

I seen humans as dinosaurs ripping each other apart in the grocery store.

[@charronfamilyconnect]

***What if the psychosis was induced from an anti-depressant or another drug? Are these forms of psychosis usually temporary unlike chronic schizoprenia disorders, and don't last years and years?***

[@samgerrits]

Psychoses can be chemically induced, for sure. If you change medication, to a variant that does not agitate you, you should be OK. The years and years I refer to, are about rebuilding a healthy social life with a job, a relationship etc. This took me very long.

[@charronfamilyconnect]

@@samgerrits I ask because someone close to me had a bad reaction to Effexor, and when into a state of mania and hallucinated for one day. This happened a few days after they doubled his dose. Now we are 4 months later, and he is completely off all kinds of meds including the anti-psychotics, and so far so good. I really hope he does not relapse. thanks!

[@samgerrits]

@@charronfamilyconnect That sounds reassuring. However, do not hesitate to ask for help/medication when necessary. A bad reaction to 1 type of psychoactive medication does not mean all types are ineffective. I speak from experience.

[@sammylhpate9382]

lost me at LOVE. Love is a myth .

[@shubhrasly4914]

Treatment?

[@ellanassar9189]

[@samgerrits]

[@zain7035]

God voice hearer plz like help me to know am not alone

[@buffer1954]

B

[@yeahno8294]

Why would you wanna find it again lol way better off without it

[@sammyhind3151]

Anyone else here cause they dropped acid?

[@cincyborn]

Yes hearing demonic voices telling you god is with you and you special. That you must harm yourself or others. It's all lies, a demon trick. Go to a Bible believing church in Jesus, pray in Jesus name and the demons will leave you alone

[@rideronthewhitehorse]

It sounds like you are supposed to do something extremely important but now you have given up because you don't believe that you are good enough.. ..or even have enough patients to find out what your true purpose is... ...that is what most people will do... ..they will give up because of the fear of failure... ..or their fear of 'going crazy' ...the reason i say this is because i don't see you smiling and i don't sense any happiness in the message... peace out.

[@christinebadostain6887]

neat guy---too bad that Sam did not see that true healing was available in the "psychotic" depths and instead chose to numb out the beauty and the beast with drugs

[@samgerrits]

There is beauty and peace there. I just prefer a life more ordinary.

[@christinebadostain6887]

@@samgerrits I respect your preference, but there is soooo much more to life than ordinary.

[@samgerrits]

We each choose the path that seems fairest to us. I wish you much wisdom, beauty, peace, health, and the best of luck on your journey.

[@christinebadostain6887]

@@samgerrits SEE, you are a neat guy---no, a really neat guy.

[@swervsplatt9672]

@@christinebadostain6887 ☝️

[@Notained]

If u lose ur Mind and don’t remember anybody how come u know how to move ur body🤔are they faking it😂

[@demgorav1587]

i have lost mind AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[@Mijn24]

What if nobody ever loved u lol

[@samgerrits]

I feel you bro.

[@ryanbailey5984]

This guy has no clue what he was to talk about on that stage maybe if he had read his own story that would have helped

[@irshad6289]

Narrative disaster

[@samgerrits]

I am sharing my life's story, about an extremely difficult and taboo subject. I am not a native English speaker. I wonder why you judge so harshly.

[@irshad6289]

@@samgerrits sorry for that, but i have people i know having mental disorders(bipolar). I just couldnt follow you

[@samgerrits]

@@irshad6289 Well, considering the comments of the other people, you seem to be an outlier. I wish you all the best with finding a narrative that does meet your needs.

[@mitschcrafter6766]

Seems like he is lying to him self.

[@wormwooddove]

Mitschcrafter I’d like you to think about the potential impact this tiny little sentence could have on someone that has struggled so hard to overcome a psychotic condition. My husband has schizophrenia - a sentence like this could easily undo years of hard work and cause a relapse.

[@hankskorpio5857]

Thanks for uploading this.