One Common Phrase That's Always False

Have you ever heard someone talk about having no communication in a major relationship? What would you think if you learned there is no such thing as no communication? Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter talks about your responses to relationships that have poor, non-productive communication patterns.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.
Books by Dr. Carter: store.bookbaby.com/book/When-...
www.amazon.com/When-Pleasing-...
www.amazon.com/Anger-Trap-You...
www.amazon.com/Enough-About-Y...
While Dr. Carter does not conduct online counseling, he has vetted a group who can assist: betterhelp.com/drcarter
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Dr. Carter's online workshops on narcissism, anger management, and overcoming infidelity: drlescarter.com/video-workshops/

[@ronw484]

Every time I heard the phrase, "We just can't communicate!" it was from someone who didn't want to communicate. The whole goal on their part was to destroy any attempt at communication. That's because if things were discussed rationally, logically and unemotionally, they'd lose something they wanted- namely, control and "authority" because a logical discussion would reveal them to be incorrect or at fault in whatever disagreement or situation was taking place and they just have to be right or else. The first tactic is to always start bringing into the discussion tons of irrelevant argumentative side baiting to derail the conversation and make the discussion break down in disarray. It's an avoidance behavior. Their goal is to create frustration and anger in the other person in order to stop the conversation in its tracks so no resolution can be reached. This is accomplished by bringing everything imaginable into the discussion or argument that has nothing to do with it- the water in the toilet, the spoon in the sink, the bush in the yard, a shirt someone wore, basically anything and everything to cause the other person to get sidetracked into asking, "WHY are you talking about all that? It has nothing to do with what were discussing!" They then use that as a springboard to launch further irrelevant argumentation and accuse you of "not listening." Then, when the other person gives up in frustration when faced with such nonsense, that's when the "control freak" immediately screeches, "we just can't talk anymore!" or "We just can't communicate!" They then act like the other person is at fault so they can play the aggrieved victim. Over time, when you get tired of the nonsense and no longer engage in "conversation" because you know exactly what is going to happen, that's when they screech, "We don't talk anymore!" thus implying something is wrong with you. This is a manipulative tactic to get you engaged in a conversation about why "we don't talk anymore" so they can take everything back to square one and ultimately screech, "We can't talk anymore!" Yep, things just get put on repeat mode like a broken record. The only winning move is to not play their game. Even if you plead with them to stick to the subject, they'll claim they are sticking to the subject (denial of the reality that they aren't) and use that to attack you even further. If you explain everything they're doing (in a non confrontational/non judgmental/ diplomatic way) they'll deny that they're doing that and then you're back to their claim of, "You just don't listen!" It's at that point I always wished I could do a Vulcan nerve pinch and render them unconscious. Ala Mr. Spock, it would be the logical thing to do.

[@stefarfa52]

Ron W So very true.....and Vulcan nerve pinch...I can relate, LOL

[@hotdogrelish]

I couldn't have said it any better. So, so true. These "empty skins' are so sick in the head. . I can only dream of a world without them. These are the ones that are completely ruining the world as we know it. They are vile disgusting individuals.

[@laurieduncan6096]

Ron W well said!! You just described my ridiculous, and thankfully over, 28 year marriage. Horrible.

[@irenegaltung9304]

so right! you describe the process perfectly!

[@Julie-cb4cq]

Ron, this is excellent!! It could be its own video :) Thank you so much for sharing these spot-on descriptions and explanations.

[@TheFabricTeapot1]

Oh we communicated alright. Not by words because he never told the truth but by actions. Through that communication I have left my husband of 17 years and at last I feel free and I feel happy.

[@carrienebel5924]

My ex husband worms his way back & lies then, on same subject, slips says something totally opposite & I don't know what one is true.... I am really trying 2 get out of this situation but he is next 2 impossible 2 get rid of....I exist but I don't have a life. Instead AGORAPHOBIA worse than b4.

[@dianne7250]

@@carrienebel5924 I know that all too well. Leave and get him out of your life.

[@chm825]

Sadly, I left my husband in 1973 and never thought about another marriage. Content at 75.

[@anamariaurkixo9449]

Bravo 💛

[@michellecollins4974]

Thank you Doctor Carter. I really love the fact that you exhort us to take ownership and responsibility. 👍

[@mrs.228]

michelle collins accountability!

[@csg1381]

Communication is a two way game. If both/multiple parties, the communication will not break durably. The problem remains when one player feels intrinsically superior, then communication may break with no repair

[@PC-kc4lw]

He communicated that he "didn't want to work on our relationship anymore (after 27 years of marriage & years of couples counseling, oh & bye-the-way, he is a marriage and family therapist...). After finding out that I was being gaslit repeatedly, I was not able to trust in what he said: what he did made things clear. Heart could not take the dissonance any more. I ceased trying to communicate. I'm now trying to fulfill my life's purpose on my own & find people who believe in the power of honesty & love to enjoy life with.

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks for these comments! I love that last sentence. Dr. C

[@nancygibson4380]

I did this dance for 32 years and let me tell you its a dance. I must admit at 18, I was naive and didn't understand how a man could make love to me and never say the words, I love you. We have 3 children and he controlled me with threats because he knew I couldn't go home. He divorced me for a woman of means and she rode him like a dog. She was cruel and unmedicated. He got his justice. As a result, I lost 3 children. My late husband told them they would inherent vast money. Now, they don't care about me. Only one child called me during the virus and that's my narcissistic. I can't tell you why she called. I miss my children. I never dreamed a mom who loved her children as I did would lose her children. At 71, I'm going back to school as a refresher class for medical coding and billing. I did that for 20 years prior to being a middle school teacher. I'd like to work in a hospital setting and make new friends and a new life. Never know, I might meet a nice younger Christian man. That would be my dream to have a man of God that wanted a Godly relationship and we become a team.

[@nancygibson4380]

My former husband was a new marriage and counseling therapist. He didn't have his license yet but he diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder because I had a reaction to an antidepressant. I ended up on 4 antidepressant I for anxiety and a sleeping pill. l know I was over medicated. I hated my husband and wanted to die. Today, I don't take any antidepressants, no sleeping pills, and only as needed med for anxiety. I'm the happiest I've been in 30 years. I love being with people and helping people be happy and enjoying life. What I realized, I had the life sucked out of me for 32 years. Now, I'm divorced, never married, got close one time but got scared. We are still good friends and yes, I love him very much. We need to learn to accept some people in our lives and not allow other to invade our peace. I live in peace, alone but in peace. God bless you all who have the unfortunate life with a narcissistic. Please listen to Dr. Carter, he knows his business. It would have been beneficial if I'd know Dr. Carter 30 years ago.

[@darlenerego70]

@@nancygibson4380 I'm 83 and became aware my ___ is a narcissist about a year ago. I had thought his behavior was due to the way his father was! I sure was wrong! I had no idea at all about narcissism. It's still hard to accept. Do you or does anyone know why they're all so similar?

[@christinalw19]

@@darlenerego70 demonic influence

[@GaveMeGrace1]

Thank you- you communicate well with dignity, civility, and respect.

[@loyalroyal1015]

You are a beautiful man , Sir . And i thankyou for sharing your knowlege so freely, lovingly and diplomatically. 😎🔔

[@frailingbadly]

Oh the irony! That was something my husband said to mutual friends (who told me after we split last year) and I thought it was the stupidest explanation possible...if he'd told the truth it would have been more like "oh I'm very abusive towards her on a regular basis but I always apologise the next morning".

[@richardlandis793]

It often is said by someone who doesn’t want to communicate.

[@heatherlynn3438]

Thank you Dr. Carter! You’re a sweetheart! And your little dog Gus to!!! ❤️

[@robertdavies6814]

Dr.Les,we enjoy all your work,thanks for your knowledge.

[@TheFabricTeapot1]

I do find benefit from your videos and I really appreciate your help very much.

[@brianjonker510]

Some people just get more stuck in the "They are right & You are wrong mindset" the longer the convo. Most of them people dont waste your time.

[@ozariabruno9821]

I was under the impression the phrase was " IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU"

[@DrLesCarter]

That's a good one. Dr. C

[@morningsong8077]

I’ve heard that one before. 🙄

[@joannebutzerin6448]

I love this advice, and I've had some practice taking time out to consider what it is I want that other person to know, and then reflecting on the message I sent. They did not match. I took the time to explain myself better and more calmly. The great thing about this was that regardless of how my effort was received, it made me feel like I was being more like the type of person I want to be. That was a good feeling.

[@morningsong8077]

JoAnne Butzerin Absolutely!

[@jeanwhite1659]

Actually, l hear them loud and clear, in my head. My heart can't accept the brutal facts!

[@Bookhoarder5]

I wish I could like this twice!! Thank you.

[@andrearush6209]

This page is keeping me grounded right now. Thank you.

[@MediaEnslavedNation]

Once again, you put words on my experiences that I could never find. This describes the last several years ofmy marriage, he just won't talk to me. Thank you for the clarity.

[@angealclarke7110]

I try and engage with all the traits youve mentioned. My answer to the magority of those aspects in conversation with most people ,is ,lets agree,to disagree. As its like a battle of wits with no possitive solution. Ive tried everything youve mentioned,as I would like to believe, I have the civility that you mention as well as the respect and understanding that no two people are the same,in or way of thinking ,nor the way we have been brought up...And guided through our journeys x

[@pennykent5687]

A Director of Nurses at my dad's nursing home called me into a small conference room with about 6 of her staff for an ambush meeting. In this meeting I was not allowed to talk. She made numerous false accusations against me and threatened me in front of staff. I began talking on top of her realizing that this woman was not playing fair on me that she probably would not allow me to have my turn to defend myself. Sure enough at the end of this ambush meeting, she said " MEETING IS OVER" as I professed to these people that what she said was lies. She repeated sternly, "MEETING IS OVER" and pointed to the door for all to exit. The slanderous, false allegations, public humiliation, threats she made on me..... I was not allowed to say my side, my piece of that the truth was.... Instead I professed the truth as her employees turned their backs as they exited the room. I was made to look small and not valid.... She then, the Director of Nurses, turned to me and told me she call the police RIGHT NOW, if I didn't shut up (about the truth of what she had just told people in that conference room about me.) This women is EVIL, PURE EVIL. And continues to work, in charge, at a nursing home where harm was, and I bet is still being done, to it's residents. Evil, this woman is EVIL. I'm not a doctor... So I can't give a diagnosis but I'd say she is seriously ill.

[@joywebster2678]

Depending on which country u are in, u can report the Registered Nurse to the government body that issues her license. They will investigate. Also complain to owner of nursing home about this meeting and her conduct.

[@barbaramarshall5271]

Write down your own notes about her behaviour and words said, how she invalidated you and threatened you. You have every right to complain about how you were treated and you should let the Gp know as well assuming you are an Aussie. There is a nurses association in Australia in every state. You can make her life difficult too.

[@yvonnethomas6401]

Dr Les Carter. Over the last three years you have hrlped from my darkness into the light.. After 49yrs with a narc..nine breakdowns.. I am healing!.. I have myself back.. Still have a long way to go!.. But, I am almost there!.. Thank you. Thank you again!!.. ❤️🙏

[@mrs.228]

I like the intro of this video, and there’s NO WAY that could be true. My husband always tells me I talk to much & when we were early on in relationship he would say “you got to talk to me.” I quickly pointed out and cut the head of the snake off by telling him “all I do is talk, remember?” You’re lays telling me to shut up! Not speaking is like an ultimate punishment to me, I always cried and wrote my dad a letter if he was mad or got onto me and wouldn’t talk to me. I’m the same way about my husband, but we both use humor to get past it and talk

[@mrs.228]

Always* telling me shut up

[@duchesssussex7648]

I told my narc that he had a special way of saying a lot without saying anything at all.

[@Robidu1973]

For curiosity's sake, how did he react to that?

[@rabarberellum1017]

Thanks Les! You make me feel peaceful on a day that wasn’t, and so I could act peaceful.

[@michelemiller9038]

Definitely learned that there is no such thing,a no communication. When there is someone who won't respond that are trying to get control. Especially when it's consistent and/or dealing with a narcissist.

[@TheAncksunamen]

I look forward each and every time there's a new video from you Dr. Carter. You always validate, teach and enlighten us. You have been my lifeline and I'm holding on tight. {{Thank you}} ❤

[@sherrim4067]

Me too.

[@chm825]

I believe we all need lifelines to live our lives as well as possible and leave those who harm us. We really need to be vigilant since a lot changes with every decade

[@cherylduckworth11]

You wouldn't believe what DRC is doing for me. Just yesterday at work a gal got slightly rude, normally that would have gotten my hackles up. Normally when faced with fight or flight I immediately fight. But instead I smiled and said thank you as she handed me the item I asked for. And I chuckled on the way out because I felt so relieved that I didn't respond and also I knew the lady after me was going to be a hassle to deal with. I also know her job is stressful and competitive and probably keeps her pretty cranky. So it wasn't up to me to straighten her out. DRC has worked for me almost daily. And I feel so much better not being the person that comes unglued.

[@gqfilipino95]

Always delighted on the insight of narcissist. Communication between my wife's family and I have been severed. MIL like to talk over me and my sister in law thing they know what's best for my wife's medical conditions.

[@plutoniumcar]

Thank you for pointing this out, Les. My ex used to say quite often that I don't communicate, which couldn't be further from the truth, and this particular non-truth that she fabricated sort of got lost among the countless others, so much that I never picked it out specifically. Good to know.

[@selenyamusic]

Can you please make a video about golden child and scapegoat in the narcissistic family and all it variables? Does the golden child have high chances to become a narcissist when adult? I would like to hear something from you about it as you are very insightful and helpful in this field. Thank you very much :)

[@connymathews9389]

You always communicate..,body language, eyes talk

[@debrahelgeson6677]

Thanks Dr C. Your help is always appreciated.

[@JabberDay]

I appreciate your videos so much! I watch you several times a week. And my life is better for it!

[@robertbryannall2580]

Since that I have gone no contact with my entire family, I have been in a self discovery phase of who I am, and what kind of man that I want to be, preferably not what the narcs put upon me. I'm becoming my own man. A good man. ❤😎❤

[@jimdaniel4412]

I exiled after my divorce 7 years ago..once no contact happened with ex i realised i had to also do with family as they had similar tendencies..it took about a year of them not knowing what i was doing and only speculating that they learned..it wasnt me..

[@jimdaniel4412]

Its been a year since your comment..how did it go for you..

[@astrialindah2773]

💞💖💕

[@juanjodevicbarcelona9464]

Thanks, take my regards to Gus ¡ ¡ ¡. Greetings from Barcelona, Spain.

[@stellaercolani3810]

I want healthy, truthful and transparent.

[@gingersnapjudy]

He says plenty when he isn't saying a word. I used to beg & plead and make his favorite meal. Or buy him some of his favorite pastry after he blew up. Then one day long ago I realized I was rewarding him for his atrocious behavior, ill treatment of me. Stopped. Instead when he was being nice. THEN I would buy his favorite fancy pastry. Positive rewards for positive behavior. But I hate having to be ONE STEP AHEAD of him at all times.

[@michelegray5970]

I'm was also like that. I woke up one day and thought why in the world am I doing nice things for someone that's so mean? I feel like we just wanted to make peace and be happy. Not any more. He wants to have that kind of attitude then he can sulk and be by himself.

[@odette8905]

I love the DR C values- they underpin for me what I have always tried to adhere to in my life. Great piece on communication - top notch work Dr C!

[@stuartpierce121]

Thank you so much I want to teach my son these things! Thanks Jennifer 😄 👍

[@DrLesCarter]

He's lucky to have the mother he has! Dr. C

[@gustavostriker9421]

Excelent, thanks again for your time and wonderful messages! have a good weekend.

[@octoberskye1049]

Thank you, Dr. C. Your messages *are* beneficial. What I've done is to calmly say: "These are some of *my* idiosyncrasies. I don't like what I perceive as gossip. I don't like small talk. I don't like hanging on the telephone. These are MY eccentricities. This has nothing to do with *you* personally. I'm not saying I don't like YOU, because I DO." And it might be necessary to repeat this message, *calmly*, multiple times to someone who doesn't want to *hear* it. This is an example of how I can continue communication with someone who is rather difficult yet "touchy" about any criticism. 🐯

[@OceanSound100]

That is interesting. We can't get much done getting involved in gossip or small talk. I just did three loads of laundry in between computer stuff but the phone time you are speaking of can take too much time talking about nonsense.

[@octoberskye1049]

@@OceanSound100 Absolutely true. 👍🐯

[@lisbethbird8268]

The wasting of your time and energy is part of the payoff for some people.Covert agressors. Then there's the attention they suck up like a delicious milkshake!

[@laurab.9845]

@@lisbethbird8268 your comment just gave me a huge neon light in my mind of understanding certain situations. Then more aspects come to mind. Thanks for your insights. Have a super summer!

[@laurab.9845]

Babble-On calls!!!!

[@flyingeaglewoman8682]

I’ve had many of those kinds of statements said to me from a narcissist family member. For a long time. This person has been very condescending and judgmental over the years yet remains clueless about why our relationship is deteriorating. Furthermore continues to Gaslight and blame shift/project as if I’m the problem. This has become glaringly obvious, in the last two years particularly. I’ve been subjected to persecution, shaming and shunning for my political beliefs which differ from her’s, this has brought me to disconnect emotionally from this person. The result- I can now see the dynamics from a much larger perspective and allow myself ‘room’ to heal. This is true freedom! Free to Be! Free to be me without needing approval from anyone. This involves dignity, civility and respect. For self and others. If it’s not a two way transaction it’s a no go... done. I’ve been around awhile, not a “spring chicken” as the saying goes. Took a great many years to finally understand the dynamics which have been in play for a very long time. Thank you Dr. C, always appreciate your insights.

[@deniserothwell6325]

Yep I get that from my husband a lot. The thing is I have learnt to be quiet so I only stay on safe benign subjects because I am fearful he will start the screaming. So I can never speak to him about important issues. He will just start screaming immediately.

[@lauriej.3544]

It's called being a bully. If it works, he's got you walking on eggshells. Don't let him train you. Call the meeting to order. Being meek with these kinds of people only increases their tantrums. Keep your words few and to the point. There's a great book about this: Take The Bully By The Horns by Samantha Horn

[@deniserothwell6325]

Laurie J. Will check that book out. Have tried every which way with him though. Never started out like that. Nothing works. When he first did it I did pick him up on it. Even left him a number of times and all was ok for a bit. I would have left him by now but he is seriously ill and won’t make the year out. Still a bully though!

[@lauriej.3544]

You'll enjoy Samantha Horn's book. It's short and fun to read. I read it when I had to deal with a boss on my job who was a bully and, unlike so many self-help books, it had a lot of good, practical easy to do tips that really helped me. I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. My best wishes for you.

[@deniserothwell6325]

Laurie J. Thank you for your words. I have brought the book on kindle. Very good reviews. Two people I know recently tried to bully. One I dropped off straight away as she does this every now and again and she has broken promises to me that she would stop. The other is a neighbour who is a narc. I just avoid her. But I have kicked myself for not saying something when they did it. Thing is I am always so gobsmacked when it happens and I tend to use defend myself rather than calling them out for vile behaviour. The worst one was over the phone. And I always have record mode on because of my business. So for personal calls I forget to turn it off. Anyway what I should have said to this person is what they had said to me very very nasty and that I am ending the call and will send them the recording so they will understand why I don’t want to speak to them ever again. I am NOT going to put up with this behaviour from anyone anymore. But I need to come up with faster responses. I am just reading a book at the more called, Healing from hidden abuse and I am finding it excellent. blessings

[@princessdiamond123]

Facts 💕Dr. C, I experience this often with someone that I used to think the world of but, now, I don’t anymore, so when in their presence, it’s awkward so, I don’t say much, not worth it! I won’t example all the abusive comments from them overtime but it is sadly not worth mentioning typical narc condescending communication) so I zone out if I have to try to deal with the person. But, I’m sure they see I no longer care much to fight or deal with them so it sucks! So, nonverbal communications are constant & I agree, that is still clearly communicating by default. Awesome 🔥😎 Dr. C, I couldn’t agree more! Some ppl need to be disqualified when communicating, when it’s no longer healthy!💕🥰 why explain and summarize things to or with them, will they not get the point? Don’t they know you don’t find them relevant because of their negative behaviors? Why do empaths have to explain to Narcs anything? 😳😭😂js How do you properly end a relationship with a Narc SIL that ten years older than you? It’s so lame 😒 😐

[@janedavis4793]

Jeez....you described the last 5 years of my failed marriage. In retrospect he was a covert communicator! Although it was painful and a struggle, I came through this appreciating each day, focusing on beauty and moving forward. Seriously though, he did some real damage.

[@georgejetson9801]

This is so very good! Yes, it is communication. Sometimes to obstruct a mutual back and forth because one person or both thinks, it's my way or the high way, I want to win, I want to be right. Sometimes neither side will agree.

[@malkaringel7864]

Dr. Carter I always come away from your 🎥 s with some nugget of knowledge. Always appreciated.

[@DeborahKrohmerCarr]

I've always said, "We just don't understand each other!"

[@DrLesCarter]

That makes more sense. Dr. C

[@realhealing7802]

Absolutely brilliant! Thank you

[@AA-sb3hk]

Thank you, Dr. Carter! Your videos are so helpful!

[@ndnsol]

Wow is this is spot on. I wish she could see this. The tools you give to us are second to none.

[@anamariaurkixo9449]

Fine, kind, sane, simplified and fresh perspective on sadly such a complicated topic. Thank you Dr Carter 💛

[@nicolagrimmer100]

BRILLIANT AS ALWAYS MANY THANKS DR CARTER

[@decoy2636]

Thanks for your work helping people whom wish to be better people from the experiences had passing through this life. The reality is that I can't accept these things I don't control in my life. This knowledge of my true reality being in the hands of the controller is not acceptable. Your words of wisdom jolt me just enough to get me to look at it from the dimension that is only possible to see without the ability to look inside the conversation while remaining objective as a party would just observing the interactions with no skin in the game either way. You Dr. C are the man.

[@carolineswann4431]

This is very helpful thank you doctor for sharing your time to help so many people hugs for gus . X

[@donnawoodham868]

I'm leaning this . About a year ago my oldest son told me this . So thank you for the reminder. Thank you for this video.

[@Libbylou77krtc]

Happy New Year 2023!! I hope you have a wonderful New Year thank you, for all your videos and helping me overcome my Trauma Bond

[@nancyludlum2646]

Thanks for breaking down this issue so we can see how this transpires. Good to know.

[@amber40494]

So interesting! I'm going to try to see what's going on with my group of friends. They walk off when I try to say something I think is important. !

[@Cate7451]

I liked this video as it gives hope. A person who criticizes can be seen as insecure. Instead of criticizing back or cringing silence one can offer apreciation of the others good qualities. Just trying to break the cycle.

[@azsuehayes]

Thank you wise sir! ❤

[@pursuehappiness8962]

Commendable counsel Dr. C!!

[@fingerprint5511]

If the person in question is immature and lies a lot, can't believe what they say, I find the looking for these things end up appearing, like looking for fault. Thank you I will listen a few times!"

[@Cherryblossom-fg1pl]

You are such a Rare human being. I am so grateful to come across your videos that are full of priceless information and guidance for all humanity. Thankyou Dr.Carter for making these videos xx❤️😘👍

[@user-ey4rc5tu4t]

I was told today be a student of PSY that yes there has always been therapy for victims of Narcissistic abuse. I don't want to think of this person as a liar. Has there always been therapists well versed in treating this problem, because it seems to me that there have always been people to judge you BPD or Borderline, but I have never heard of Narc abuse help until recently (discovery of covert narc in mother)? I guess it really helps if you can diagnose yourself.

[@DrLesCarter]

I've not encountered large numbers who are well trained in narcissism. Dr. C

[@MrHayoo22]

We still communicate in a way that is much more peaceful, helpful and beneficial to us both... boom!

[@sarahstrong7174]

Thankyou for sharing.

[@reneejones7807]

Great video!! I’ll put into practice 👍🏻👍🏻

[@spiritwoodlive5597]

Your energies are appreciated ever so much!! Looking forward to sharing your message and buying the book 📚 (s) as the abundance allows.... Wishing for a way to have a read of your words of wisdom!! 🤗🍀✅🙏

[@libertyme3258]

Dang, you’re good!

[@mdee860]

😁👍 Isn't he though! A national treasure. He should give a Ted Talk. His knowledge could impact millions... in a very short time!

[@marym.h2533]

Comunication is so important. I wish Dr, you could teach more about healthy comunication. I always feel some peace after watching your vids. So I thank you so much!!

[@pamcarter6595]

Another Great video...thank you..💜

[@stellaercolani3810]

Thank you Doctor.

[@litabagnas7584]

Our communication is in good positive direction . thanks Dr, C

[@mitchellrose3620]

I definitely enjoy the learning.

[@sandrabounds6521]

You are just the nicest man thanks for helping me with your information xxx

[@carefulcarpenter]

Dr. C is a Texan. They are allowed to carry guns. Amazing how nice men are in Texas! 😁

[@bonniey7299]

So wonderful to hear it as it really is, thank you so very much 😞

[@maiag7608]

Dr. L.Carter.i love the way your explanation 😊

[@maryseboyer4269]

Communication, etymology: from latin communicare, meaning: to share, impart, inform, unite (yes...unite), participate in. To make something common. Thank you for "planting" seeds of wisdom that will make us grow!🐛🦋

[@DrLesCarter]

Yes, I like the Latin breakdown. My high school Latin teacher, Mrs. Tisdale, would be proud. Dr. C

[@katherineshaw1]

Excellent video, Dr. C. ! I read a study by Dr. Albert Mehrabian who found an audience makes it "appraisal" of someone in 38 seconds or less....and that the actual meaning of their words is worth only 7% ! 38% of their opinion is based on vocal tone, inflection and pacing of the speaker....and a huge 55% is based on the speaker's appearance and body language! This is why your suggestion...Dignity, Respect and Civility is so meaningful! Those who choose to "shock" or offend others with their appearance, their words, their actions....are sadly people for whom negative attention is better than none at all. Perhaps, like "beauty," knowing yourself and being conscious to live with dignity, respect and civility comes from within.

[@brusselsprout5851]

This is very helpful.

[@rightnow5839]

Wonderful!! 👍🏻 Dignity, Respect, Civility!! I am definitely joining you Dr. C!!! We need more utube channels like this! 💗 this Video!

[@DrLesCarter]

Pleased you are on board. Dr. C

[@karennaturallyartby]

Don't forget to add sarcasm to that list. I encounter that shutdown technique frequently. He doesn't think that's a problem tho so probably not going to improve.

[@M_SC]

Karen Garland try responding with “rude, I’m out” and walking away

[@peppertree8244]

Lol...just yesterday my Mom & I discussed how her squinchy facial expression had me ask if she didn't like (her subject) yet replying that she DID like (does that a lot)! We made comparison happy face/not happy face expressions a few times, lol.

[@DrLesCarter]

I forgot to mention squinchy faces in the video, so I'm glad you brought it up. Dr.C

[@peppertree8244]

@@DrLesCarter LOLOLOL Some technical terms can explain a lot! Your delightful sense of humor is appreciated!

[@mrs.228]

Wonderful acronym, & I am almost about to buy that anger book and hope it helps my ptsd along with the woman who I’ve only met with once thus far, but feel a lot lighter since getting a lot off my chest. I’m already like a new person & we only had a general introduction to my circumstances! Lucky for me I have 6 more weeks to go, but I guess I feel like I’ve told the story time and again. Maybe because she asked questions and I just like to talk and if you know me I’m not the one who’s gonna sugar coat it or make it pretty if it’s not. I used to be very passive and nothing got to me, like my current husband. However since tbi I do not take any stuff from anyone, neither do I let another person be bullied or dragged through the mud.

[@barbiferrari1786]

Actually a very valuable video!

[@pamela5050]

Often the unspoken word telling, establishing “themes”. Adage of “that which is unspoken, becomes unspeakable” true. Always more life fulfilling to embrace expression be it good, difficult. We live in an intolerant world. Each, seeking their way. However, one gift among many of communication, albeit with the most difficult other, is opportunity to learn, have different perspective wherein we expand our given default to absorb more understanding, increase our knowledge and compassion for others. Be our best self.

[@terrybryk5557]

Thank U Dr. Carter for all of your videos.... Love U & God bless

[@DrLesCarter]

Thanks, Terry. Dr. C

[@projectmcsquare2149]

Had a conversation with my narc last night and all I got was blaming and shaming again... the mistake I made was getting angry and let my emotions get the best of me ..how many years can you listen to this stuff before you blow your top? All he does is twist everything I say and changes the subject when it’s about him... ugh... and then I ended up getting mad at myself for taking the bait..I’m such an idiot

[@projectmcsquare2149]

Kelly Jean thank you... I usually put him on block... but there was a question about money and it turned into blaming me for something he actually did....ridiculous ... I got kinda rattled by the whole conversation but I’m better now... why do we always think there will be a different outcome... appreciate your response but I got sucked in again... I’m still learning

[@debraaman6026]

It's so frustrating to initiate a conversation in hopes of improving the relationship, but it ends up making things worse because he refuses to "hear" me and gets extremely angry over the fact that I even have something I need to talk about :(

[@projectmcsquare2149]

Debra Aman same here... I keep thinking he’ll be rational this time but it never happens..I keep dealing with this same broken person and expecting a different result...🙄

[@projectmcsquare2149]

Kelly Jean thank you so much...have 4 kids who depend on me so I try to keep my distance from him (my husband who left me for greener pastures)...but it does pull you down sometimes... I guess I twisted his arm and made him cheat on me... my fault!🙄

[@projectmcsquare2149]

Kelly Jean again thank you.. you’re very kind

[@sugabear161]

Very good point

[@MeMe-mt6xv]

1st day of college: "You cannot not communicate."

[@joanplaylist304]

Thank you again.🌹🌹

[@glennasmith1187]

This is fantastic information! Thank you again for your kindness

[@kellyleighread807]

The last therapist told us to that very thing. I just wanted something that he couldn't give. I had no value to him. In fact he said he wanted to be in control.

[@franksturt2226]

I really have given up trying to talk to some people because they would constantly cut me off mid sentence. Am I the bad guy?

[@DeniseBabbit]

Oh, yes, we communicate! We just don't speak the same language! 🤣

[@serendipitous_synchronicity]

Interesting video Dr Carter. I look forward to your passive aggressive video.

[@rachelrmcbryan525]

The funniest non-communication thing happened today. I was humming the song I had played right before I got to work and noticed that my pen had just exploded and I was cleaning my hands. My coworker says "is everything ok" I said, I have a tune stuck in my head and my pen just exploded. I hope there is no ink on my face. I then pretended to accidentally wipe my hands on my face and looked at her for her to look at me. I think I was hoping if I had black marks on my face she would volunteer the information. Then she walked away. She came back ten mintutes later after I am focused on my work and said "Im not trying to say anything about you" ... I said "I'm open to feedback. Just tell me what's on your mind" then she said "you have a black mark on your face. I thought you knew" and I said "how am I supposed to know I have a black mark on my face!" In fairness I should have said "is there any marks on my face?" Instead of the indirect comment I made hoping that it would illicit what I needed to know.

[@DrLesCarter]

That's funny, and isn't it odd that the communication went sideways so easily. Dr. C

[@stellaercolani3810]

Benefits found!