One Shot SciFi 1604 - Death World Veterans & Merchant Ship | HFY | Humans Are Space Hermits

[@dmaxcustom]

If any ship we build, with the intention to go beyond our solar system, is not properly armed and defended, I would be extremely disappointed.

[@gmailquinn]

Use big gun, if the doesn't work use more gun. - some Texan from a game

[@ryantomer4126]

@@gmailquinn *Kickass guitar solo*

[@IRMentat]

first ships will be unmanned unarmed drones simply sending data back, the follow-up will depend on the results. either big guns (plus nukes) and a massive ramp up in space-industrialisation or just more drones

[@jacobchicks3523]

Especially if it's built by America

[@V2011F]

@@jacobchicks3523 we've dealt with pirates, rebels, terrorists, hostile tribal hordes, nations of equal and stronger power, and I can damn assure you that if we go into space we may fight aliens, perhaps not like what we see in most of our media, but defiantly something that we shall not treat lightly

[@vexile1239]

As an Aussie can confirm that Australia is a death world within a death world

[@Nyghtking]

I think Death valley is worse in one way, and thats because I think Death Valley gets hotter then Australia, last I checked they could get up to 120+ degrees.

[@clausroquefort9545]

@@Nyghtking death valley is the devils arsecrack, it does not count

[@peterwall8191]

@Darryl Revok I've crossed out Australia as a vacation spot, when i heard about the spiders. Snakes don't bother me, but spiders tend to weave webs all over me when i'm resting during the day. Took me half the night to clean myself up, to go get diner. Yes its what you think, and no humans are not on the menu, unless i fancy one for sex. I prefer lamb blood personally. No offence intended ,but human blood has so many poisons in it these days, it would be suicide to drink from a human.

[@Preaplanes]

I mean, maybe, but it's kind of disappointing that the animal that kills the most Aussies, other than humans, is the European Honeybee. Kinda makes the "death world" underwhelming.

[@Saviliana]

Well you lots had a place call Cadia just outside your capital......

[@thatotherguy8138]

"How can you tell a Terran Merchant Ship from a Terran Military ship?" "A Terran Merchant Ship is a Ship with Guns. A Terran Military Ship is a Flying Gun with a few Cargo holds."

[@yadrielmedina6969]

no you mean a flying gun with smaller guns and a few cargo holds

[@Iskelderon]

@@yadrielmedina6969 Like a spaceborne A-10 Warthog, a gun with just enough "airplane" built around it to get the mission done. And nowadays those fuckers have been upgraded to flying bomb trucks, to the point where there's enough power left after transporting the gun to have it do the job of an additional plane.

[@allster0crowly]

names on the side of the ship and insignia would have been my guess, but a ship with guns or guns that just so happen to need a place to be placed that just so happens to look likea ship works as well.

[@vdsora32]

Story 1: A deal was made and no one will get between it! Story 2: A good offense is a good defense

[@conduit64]

A good offense is the best defense, the best offense is making your enemies so terrified they run away or surrender at the mere sight of you.

[@gmailquinn]

^

[@Unknown.NotRegistered]

If you owned property in Hell and Australia, you'd rent out the Aussie land and live in Hell for the better climate.

[@hallowedrook1781]

given its winter here in downunder i'd gladly go to hell to get out of the cold

[@melkiorwiseman5234]

@@hallowedrook1781 People from other countries are almost always surprised to discover that Australia has some pretty good ski slopes in the Winter.

[@theconvictedquokka]

@@melkiorwiseman5234 yea more snow falls on the Aussie Alps then the Swiss alps

[@samsignorelli]

Thank you, General Sheridan.

[@MrPilton]

"For the Drop Bears" 🐨

[@markuhler2664]

HFY started with the concept of Australia being Earth's most deadly continent & what if Earth was like that for the rest of the galaxy? So it's fitting that the Deathworld's Deathworld gets a story. In the 2nd story, wait til the galaxy hears the concept of privateers. Navies are expensive & can't be everywhere, but a merchant wanting to earn some extra gold? Oh yeah.

[@Senor_Penor]

Legal Piracy B)

[@RealArcalian]

Greetings, Mentlegent! For the Rhyhtm that is Algo Story 1: Aussie jokes aside, you NEVER give advance notice that you're going to attack! Story 2: Now wait until you meet some *human* space pirates

[@413draco]

Earth: Death world Africa: Death Continent Australia: Hell Continent Florida: Florida State.

[@elvinvillamor472]

Texas: Texas state

[@413draco]

@@elvinvillamor472 Texas: everything has a gun and is big state?

[@niyablake]

@@elvinvillamor472 But Florida has the only tree in the US is deadly.It's sap can burn you to the bone.

[@paulhuston9991]

Love the Steve Irwin thumb nail. Dude is a prime example of men doing insane shit just because and it works. Anyone who don't believe hfy just needs to think of guys like Steve irl.

[@TheDarkstormy]

until he got killed by a fish kids pet on aquarium tours...

[@SergeyWaytov]

Yeah, guy's one of my childhood heroes

[@kingcrafteroderderfahradtu7331]

I'm just fearful of the day when we meet aliens from a planet sized Australia

[@theultimatederp3288]

@@kingcrafteroderderfahradtu7331 "G'day bogans, where's the coldies at?"

[@vinnyganzano1930]

​@@TheDarkstormy You don't pet stingrays mate. Crocs, yes, stingrays, no!

[@basbarbeque6718]

"The way you see humans is how we humans see Australians"

[@theconvictedquokka]

Hey we're not that bad we just like beers and dangerous shit

[@Attaxalotl]

Britain is the Florida of Europe, you are the Florida of Britain. That’s like Florida squared The US is the Texas of Britain, making Florida the Florida of Texas of Florida

[@stevedixon921]

Story 1: I think that mirror weapon was a reference to "The Hot Gate" series of books by David Weber (could be wrong, can't find that book right now). At one point the humans get invaded and the laser is so powerful the humans start being selective in what parts of the enemy ships they destroy (we wanted their weapon systems) and later send a message through the gate along the lines of "send more, we could use spare parts too". Story 2: Better to have and not need than to need and not have. "Armada Delivery Service. When something just has to get from point A to Point B."

[@Tommy-5684]

though it ounds alot likre how Archimedes supposedly helped defend Syracuse from a roman invasion using mirror shones dhileds to reflect the sun and burn the ships

[@simbry49]

It is John Ringo, not Weber.

[@stevedixon921]

@@simbry49 Thanks, also another author I enjoy (but I mix them up since they also collaborate a bunch). Ringo does some nice fantasy themed work. Weber does a lot of good space opera and military (the Honor Harington universe stuff is very enjoyable).

[@gordonhardwick9552]

John ringo is the author I think you are referencing the book the hot gate

[@GoODanDEVIL666333]

You could say that the invasion really went south

[@calvingreene90]

People get so worked up about Merchantmen carrying a few pop guns.

[@RaderizDorret]

Story 1 reminds me of a bit from the Eldraeverse where there are massive, nearly totally un-crewed, slow moving civilian ships known as starwisp tenders. Their mission is to propel small interstellar probes to high fractions of c via laser sails. Per the author (Alistair Young): "It is also worth noting that reading the class specifications, which are precisely correct in stating the Lucifer-class’s lack of formal weaponry and civilian classification, appears to generate in some few pirates and hijackers (those, for instance, responsible for the attacks on Photophoros, Luminary, and Radiance) the incautious ambition necessary to pick a fight with an 864 terawatt highly-collimated laser intended for use over interstellar distances - thus clearly demonstrating, perhaps, the distinction between knowledge and wisdom."

[@PoldaranOfDalaran]

Feels like that space station's gonna need some upgrades. Human style.

[@infertilepiggy5667]

wait till aliens hear about what happened when godzilla was stomping around Tokyo city like a big playground

[@aaronsouthard8366]

So John Ringo would so proud that his SAPL was being used. We really need him to finish the Troy Rising series

[@mary09henry]

hell yes if only he would

[@thesilentninja9255]

He gets distracted with writing his softcore porn series.

[@randolphphillips3104]

Isn't that the way. Grunts punished for 2 generations, generals get sent home safe with full pension.

[@rosebloodwater13]

They pissed off the Ozzies? Then Worse, they gave them prep time? Yup. Its a damned miracle they lived.

[@splitirisbear4589]

I like the ridiculous nature of these stories. Australians don't give a hoot about koalas, definitely not enough to set up a colony to feed the lazy buggers. Not to mention that we mostly all live in the kinds of areas where the most likely thing to kill you is what's in your shopping trolley, food from a fast food chain, or a sedentary lifestyle.

[@bulldowozer5858]

"How do I stop some big mean motherlover from tearing me a superfluous new behind? The answer. Use a gun! And if that don't help... Use more gun."

[@dogman4422]

This engineer is an engideer.

[@SergeyWaytov]

#2 is Golden Classic!) Plus seems we've got a bit of 40k fans humanity

[@chrisdufresne9359]

Wait, I thought we got rid of the Cat Dragons? Never mind, we can just release the Aussies on the universe apparently. Praise be unto the sheer usefulness of Dakka. May it keep its effectiveness for aeons to come.

[@discusmaximus]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Narrator, Agro Squirrel !!!

[@gmradio2436]

Good thing the first story does not have any intercepted Aussie comms.

[@yomogami4561]

this was a great posting sir. loved both stories and hard to decide which was better but i believe the first story wins

[@GenGBby]

I would like to put in a complaint about story 1: Eucalyptus are medicinal plants and one of the three genera of gum trees, with Corymbia and Angophora as the other two, which are not quite so useful, but Eucalyptus smells good, the candies taste great and are overall really good trees to keep around. Someone fire that author for saying Eucalyptus isn't useful!

[@Iskelderon]

Never underestimate the Aussies. Sure, they may have lost a war against big birds, TWICE, but they sure know about farming.

[@michaelreifenstein2114]

have you seen the size of that chicken?

[@Aiden999]

Thus. both the start and end of, the Eucalyptus War.

[@GenStallion]

It's a shame the koala became functionally extinct after the fire.

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

They aren't functionally extinct, the fires were bad it's the chlamydia that will wipe them out if we can't help them out.

[@mychaeldark1007]

WAIT!?! WHAT!?! First I'm hearing of this.

[@theconvictedquokka]

There coming back thank fuck

[@Llangion]

Thanks again for the story time.

[@albusvoltavern4500]

Funnily enough farmers tend to make good soldiers, but soldiers tend to make poor farmers.

[@simonsidorov]

Lol they pissed Australia off

[@geoffreypershouse70]

the poor unfortunate bastards, I almost feel sorry for them, almost

[@simonsidorov]

@@geoffreypershouse70 yeah they fucked up

[@davidragan9233]

1st ...And Aussies are ALMOST as crazy as Texans ;p 2nd Sounds like that need to have the Terrans help them build a bigger trading station.

[@zyanidwarfare5634]

Story 2: what can I say? Humans like guns, the more there are and the bigger they are the better

[@silkenemperor]

These stories make me want to find a movie about humans being the impossible Sci Fi species.

[@Strooling]

LOL love the first story. Have not laughed that hard in age's.

[@evernewb2073]

australia really isn't all that scary on average, it *IS* however all sorts of janky compared to the rest of the planet...lotsa poisonous crap like you tend to see in any areas that underwent gradual-but-drastic desertification recently but the wildlife is still less dangerous overall than average for the other continents.

[@M33f3r]

I'm not sure how much the Australian tourism board is paying you but the trees are what scare me. A great big normal looking tree that causes permanent pain so bad people kill themselves just for standing under it.

[@evernewb2073]

@@M33f3r yeahhhhh, there's a reason I said "on average" a couple times there...looks like I misworded the second time a bit reading that back over. not permanent btw...still takes something like a month to go away though and it's BAD.

[@M33f3r]

@@evernewb2073 At one point in my life I thought about moving to Australia. Beautiful beaches and friendly pretty people. Then I found out about the killer trees and I was like ... nope. I like where the only thing I've got to worry about is sudden winter ice.

[@TheMariusDarkwolf]

Honestly, it's all the various breeds of murderspiders you guys have. I mean seriously, normal spiders are bad enough, and flat out frack camel spiders (yes I know they're solgufoids, but they look like spiders that spent time in the 40k warp), but just nope to Aussie spiders.

[@mychaeldark1007]

@@TheMariusDarkwolf Australia, where the spiders are so big they have HP bars.

[@geneericname7138]

0:24 ‘Watered-down distilled liquids’? So, normal liquids?

[@JohnJBrowne11209]

Wonderful story

[@richardorta8960]

All I heard from that first one is "You pissed off the deathworlders toughest civilians over something they consider cute and cuddly."

[@DEMONOFLOVEANDDEATH]

Bless the Squerril Bless the Author

[@mileonaslionclaw2525]

They tried to piss off a bunch of Aussies? That’s fucking hilarious!

[@Wyvern_Sky]

I read this as death world vegans at first. I was thinking this one was gonna be cursed.

[@Jason-sm4oc]

"Death world vegans" ... now I need to read that one so bad!

[@klappstock943]

For the Algorithm the story and the voice

[@C.f.b._entertainment-thepeps]

When you pissed off the Aussies you better bet the rest of the English speaking countries get pissed off too.

[@Kualinar]

Story 1. You declared war against Aussy on the only other world beside Australia where one can grow the food required by the koalas... That's quite a BAD move. The invaders where destroyed by mere mirrors, weaponized mirrors, manned by farmers. Learning that must Hurt. Story 2. Our «little ship» will be the first... The little ship is 1.3Km LONG by 400m. Then, it's defensive weaponry make most battle ships look under armed... Wonder what the size of an average ship would be... Also, no wonder pirates stay well away from them. Their weapons would only inflict cosmetic damage.

[@SergeyWaytov]

#1 is So Much Fun!

[@vinnyganzano1930]

Story #1 Aliens didn't use intelligence gathering and they done fecked up, big style. The Aussies love their Koalas. Story #2 If you doubt the history of armed merchant ships have a look at the East India company's ships. Basically they looked so like a 1st rate man of war but carried a smaller compliment of crew and guns. Pirates knew the difference but still were very wary of them.

[@carlfromtheoc1788]

1st one - "OZZIE OZZIE OZZIE OI OI OI !!!" 2nd one - seems like too much firepower until it isn't, then it is the right amount.

[@Ryu_D]

Thank you for the video.

[@tyrschampion471]

Ozzy Ozzy Ozzy !

[@decimation9780]

Oy oy oy!

[@vexile1239]

Oi! Oi! Oi!

[@hallowedrook1781]

Oi! Oi! Oi!

[@joshuafreydippel5128]

Lovely

[@jacobchicks3523]

Walk softly and carry a big stick!

[@Eramiserasmus]

Australians are a different breed of Terran and they show it.

[@Wastelandman7000]

Crikey!! Look at the size of that xeno!

[@noneofyourbuisness1679]

TL;DR: The aliens in the first story lost because they indirectly threatened koalas.

[@DarkStar-vx7rn]

Let's all agree that Steve Irwin would blow the minds of ETs everywhere

[@macpurdy]

For the algorithm and the narrator.

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, For the Author(s), For the Disembodied Voice!

[@gary0044187]

koalas are cute, how dare you endanger their food

[@Adiscretefirm]

Infiltration would be pretty easy if you had unscannable merchant ships big enough to hide 20 divisions of infantry in.

[@justsomejerseydevilwithint4606]

That the aussies try to still keep koalas around is rather cute. Also, how the fuck are koalas even alive nowadays? So smooth brain the confuse atvs for agressive competitors, they eat poison, if their tree dies they give up and die of starvation, and large swaths of their trees die every summer because of bush fires.

[@julesmasseffectmusic]

They are still alive because they are too toxic to eat because they eat poison and htey are vicious clawed bastards. The ones tourists get to hold are recently fed, that makes them docile as all energy goes to NOT DYING FROM EATING POSION

[@nobillismccaw7450]

If it doesn’t exist, Australians will invent it as they go along out of whatever is laying around. Americans spent billions researching diamond chips. Australians made them using some 1950’s equipment from the basement store-room of the Physics building and $90 of parts from the local hardware store.

[@deathjester127]

Someone read the troy rising series

[@mikkel8296]

The first one, the first one, ha ha ha ha ha, thats just ha. The second one, is one you get a few variations of here, ok but starts to get booring at this point.

[@foca2002]

I promise to do better next time.

[@mikkel8296]

Not trying to criticice the author for lack of originality, that is hard enough with the number of stories just on this channel, let alone HFY, nor for not knowing every story thats already ben written on there. Just noting the "Human merthant ships have more guns than others millitary vessels" is by now a trope in itself on here. And I am not that good at expressing myself I think.

[@foca2002]

@@mikkel8296 relax man. I'm the author of the second one I just wrote the story because I read about the ship called Aurora and was playing Gratuitous space battles and creating scenarios in my mind.

[@paulqueripel3493]

If the attacking government has to pay if they lose, the defenders can employ other , better, mercs because the attackers will have to foot the bill if they lose.

[@martinwyke]

Drop bear food. 😂

[@DageLV]

if first story is related to koalas, then those koalas will starve. You can put them in a room entirely made of leaves, and they'll starve, they're that dum of an animal.

[@mychaeldark1007]

"I caome from the Land Down Under, Where women glow, And men plunder....."

[@elfeater1760]

For the Algorithm11!

[@genericuser984]

neat

[@jon-paulfilkins7820]

Then the Aussies called on their olde enemy, the Emus...

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

I think he meant restitution, not retribution, two very, very different things.

[@t.p.3456]

For the algorithm 👽👾🤖🌌🛰🚀🛸🌠

[@merlinathrawes746]

Steve Irwin in the thumbnail? Really? Welp, I guess it's the koalas for the win.

[@msmaria5039]

Why did we build planet crackers? Why not?

[@xxXXRAPXXxx]

Gotta say cracking a planet is beautiful (at least in stellaris last time i played).

[@foca2002]

If we could why not?

[@sirfenixxumbra6626]

not even a line of text and got a bad pun of fast and furious

[@contrafax]

Sigh at least they didn't sick their emus on them.

[@mystikmind2005]

I do not know why everyone thinks Australia is a deadly continent.... it is by far the least deadly continent on the planet provided you have sufficient food and water. If i had a choice of which continent i would like to be dropped in a random wild location for a survival exercise, i would absolutely chose Australia... unless water was going to be an issue, then Australia would be the last continent i would chose! lol

[@roboticintelligenceunit1a652]

Pogchamp be like:

[@daniel_f4050]

Plasma Cannons? But I suppose since his ship is just a glorified Tramp Steamer those are good enough.

[@jeremyszpicki491]

Wouldn’t it be bizzare if space is full of aliens but none of them do all the shit we do, like they don’t move around or science, instead they are bannanna trees who grow neat art

[@jimmycoyote74]

For the algorithm

[@merlinathrawes746]

Just ask some Somali pirates what it's like to take on a ship that can fight back, even with just "small" weapons.

[@matthewklestinski7030]

For the Algorithm!

[@infernowolf05]

I see Steve Irwin, I must click

[@herisuryadi6885]

Hunneh

[@josmeijers2818]

F.T.A !

[@arakheno4051]

F.A.S.

[@merlinwizard1000]

148th, 17 March 2023

[@WiredTurkey316]

For the algorithm

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the algorithm