Oops, you did an ableism! // Ad [CC]

[@holls9747]

I did my English speaking exam on ableism in the school system. I have a stammer and find it harder to speak. I GOT MARKED DOWN FOR STAMMERING IN AN EXAM WHERE I SPOKE ABOUT JOW RHE SCHOOL SYSTEM WAS FUCKED

[@arcanelore3791]

Holy fucking shit.

[@dianeaishamonday9125]

Dude that sucks 😔

[@violethues5182]

marking someone down in general for stuttering whether you have an actual stutter or just messed up a few words is absolutely ridiculous. school says it’s to prepare us (like any of us are going to be doing public speaking very often). that’s so dog your school did that to you tho

[@iluvlittenanimations2.010]

I’ve had that kind of stuff happen a lot, no stammer but my ADHD will sometimes just cause me to blank, in other words, my brain decides we are going to stand there trying to buy time why we remember how talking works...

[@violethues5182]

@@iluvlittenanimations2.010 oh same gfhfbdj i think i have adhd, sometimes i’m thinking so fast i can’t speak fast enough to get it out so i stammer to keep up with what i’m thinking or my brain just lags and i completely forget what i was saying 🥴

[@samanthalomas3977]

You missed the 'id rather die than live like that' type off statements. I'd heard about them but was still a shock when I got told that myself

[@lizmowrey9866]

Ouch! I'm sorry

[@ChrisPage68]

It's best when they do it to your face. Doing it in print/online shows lack of commitment.

[@maitesoto1953]

Yikes. If people think they wouldn't be able to live like that well then lucky them that they don't have to I guess, but what's the point of saying that someone?? Some people really need to learn to keep their mouths shut

[@mschrisfrank2420]

There’s also a related type, the “If I was you I’d try everything I could to get better.” Thanks Mom, for making me feel like this on me for not wanting to switch medications, diets, etc every three months until I happen upon the magic bullet that will take away all of my pain...it’s not like I’m trying to enjoy me life as much as I can or anything.

[@mom23js]

I would reply: aw.. And im sorry I wont be able to attend your lovely funeral.. Shucks. 😂

[@elizabethh560]

"Giraffes aren't real, they're just horses with neck problems". I spit out my coffee. I'm using that in everyday talk now.

[@Lolibob151]

So does that make them disabled horses then Janet?

[@darlalathan6143]

LOL! That's like my college English professor calling squirrels "rats with good PR!" LOL!

[@emmacat3202]

I'm autistic, and people have told me that they can't believe I'm autistic because I'm "so well-spoken" and "pretty". Honestly, it just makes my eyes roll into the back of my head. I'm just really good at masking my autism, most of the time.

[@easilydistractedtutor]

Exactly! What you want me to be more ugly so you can tell I'm autistic? No.

[@Lolibob151]

My daughter favours the 'and you didn't seem stupid until you opened your mouth' response- she's 9, autistic and sarcastic as hell.

[@emmacat3202]

@@Lolibob151 awesome!

[@travisbewley7084]

I feel the same way. "Oh, thank you for complementing how well I wear my mask, it's painful to wear but I'm glad it's pleasing to you."

[@dexa6623]

I was told I "didn't look autistic". 🤦‍♂️

[@maxximumb]

Them: "You don't look sick to me." Me: "You don't look stupid to me, but we both learnt something new today."

[@Alertse]

I love that response you actually got me to laugh out loud for real 😆

[@alligordon2381]

Haha! I actually said that to a Doctor in the ER who told me I didn't look sick! (He was not amused lol)

[@donnaroberts281]

@@alligordon2381 I wonder if he actually did learn something.

[@alligordon2381]

@@donnaroberts281 I wish I had said that part too! I said "Well, you don't look stupid but looks can be deceiving." The nurse laughed though 😂

[@Butterflier00]

reminds me of that *chef's kiss" moment in the Bratz live action movie. yes....the bratz. live action. movie. where the main character Yasmin bumped into a guy and she's like watch where you're going. and it cuts to her mouth seeing that she is saying "are you blind?" and he's like "no i'm deaf" and she like...'you don't sound deaf" and he replies with. "well you don't look ignorant" ooooooooooo

[@shayne_has_landed2511]

We need an “Oops you did an ableism” meme that people can send to ableist relatives and friends.

[@1Kapuchu100]

Make it one of those business card-like things, where it says "Oops, you did an Ableism by..." and then there are a few boxes you can tick, that describes things like "dehumanizing me/them" or "selectively deciding which parts of me are acceptable". Then pull it out, tick a few boxes, and silently hand it to them!

[@notlucadaniel]

yes please someone make one!

[@jenniferevans89]

@@1Kapuchu100 I'd buy that. I'd buy stacks of them.

[@TsukiKatana]

7 hours later, was totally expecting a link to some.

[@mickb.8925]

@@1Kapuchu100 Oh, and a QR-code on the business card that leads to this video (or any other video of Jessica) :D

[@rebekah9867]

it made me so happy when sat in an English class explaining that my diabetes is caused by my pancreas no longer producing insulin, and being told frankly "just have a transplant" - like yes, out of the millions of diabetic people not one person has thought of that, thankyou random 15 year old for curing diabetes

[@dexa6623]

Fellow diabetic. I'd love a pancreas transplant, but .y body would probably try to kill that one too lol.

[@rebekah9867]

@@dexa6623 same :'(

[@Maerahn]

"A pancreas transplant? What a fabulous idea! I've got a long lunchbreak today - ooh, a forty-five-minuter, lucky me! - so I'll just nip down to Organs-R-Us, pick me out a nice new pancreas and get them to fit it for me while I wait!" 🤦‍♀️

[@Mithcoriel]

Transplant. Great. :D And then you'd be forced to take medicine that keeps your immune system down for the rest of your life, putting you at risk for all kinds of diseases, and destroying your other organs in the process. Not to mention transplanted organs don't last forever, so you'd need another transplant after a few years.

[@niobedragones7347]

"just get a transplant. " "Oh, are you volunteering then?. :)"

[@amiwatchesyt]

As a bisexual person who was raised in a really religious house and community, I hate when they say they will pray for me. I don't even see them that much anymore but that sentence still gets me riled up in a second

[@froglodyte]

I pray to be more gay every day

[@amiwatchesyt]

@@froglodyte The way god intended

[@maggiethedruid9010]

Eh... it's just their way of helping. It's the people that say that but will never physically get up and help when you ask for it that I get mad at for it.

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

I am a Christian, and it always makes me sad when I hear how other people who claim to be Christian use their religion and their “prayers” in a judgmental and condescending way! There are those of us who are praying for the world to be more kind and more loving and more fair for everyone!

[@Yertle_Turtle]

Prayer is social engineering. Like anyone who hears the Pharisees pray in public suddenly have to take them seriously? Nah, keep that sheet in yer head.

[@jwb52z9]

People need to distinguish between "I want to be labled as disabled or simply be disabled" and "I need to be designated as disabled legally to get the help I need to stay alive".

[@AP-uj2fg]

GREAT point!! I was thinking that too!

[@yukiandkanamekuran]

Lowkey confused. Being on disability and being disabled.........what are you trying to say? Disabled is not a bad word?? Huh??? Many people on disability including myself have used the word disabled for a long time??? Ah??? Huh??? Im so- so confused of what you're referring to

[@AP-uj2fg]

@@yukiandkanamekuran OP is making the point that sometimes people hold the label of disability close to them because it is part of their identity, and the community it provides them is very important. They are also saying that there is an important distinction to make because the legal label also means that an individual will have access to benefits of services if they are listed as such. These two things are not mutually exclusive, but they must both be included in the discussion.

[@yukiandkanamekuran]

@@AP-uj2fg oh... I never thought it could be different things...hmm

[@AP-uj2fg]

@@yukiandkanamekuran They do and do not coincide with one another. It's tricky and varies by each country as well.

[@KW-cv5me]

That time Walmart wouldn’t hire me because they “already had one disabled person” working there.

[@ThePunkHobbit]

I already don’t like Walmart (I completely understand if it is someone’s only good/affordable option) this makes me hate them even more. I know it’s not the wider company but let’s be real about the company culture that would allow that. I hope you found a job that deserves you 💕

[@trashlordsupreme454]

Walmart threatened to terminate me because my "anxiety interferes too much with work," and I was quite literally told by my supervisor to "stop being so anxious." All of this was AFTER I had asked several times to be assigned a less confronting position (maybe a stocker, or a cart rallier, anything but cashier, really) until my life evened out. I was homeless at the time, unable to afford my medications, so of course I was a mess. I immediately resigned after it became evident that they saw my condition as nothing but a voluntary excuse, which was a hinderance to their standards. Seriously, screw Walmart.

[@selkieslipskin]

That’s...really illegal in the U.S. Not necessarily easy to do anything about, but it does violate the ADA if someone says they won’t hire you solely because of your disability. -I’m so sorry you experienced that.

[@sarahwithstars]

Holy shit this is disgusting!! (Both Original post and Trashlord's response, especially since you offered them so many workable suggestions to improve your own anxious situation! You sound so proactive!! 🥰💜🤗 Good vibes and better health days to all of you 😘💕)

[@iluvlittenanimations2.010]

...welp...

[@cleokaiba9597]

"They're just horses with neck problems." I'm d e a d.

[@exceedcharge1]

Also i think giraffes are more closely related to donkeys, or is that zebra

[@darcyferrigno]

I know I almost spit out my coffee on that one. I love her delivery on those lines.

[@katyscott87]

It reminded me of Brittany from Glee saying that dolphins are just gay sharks 😆

[@nenmaster5218]

Genetics-Talks always remind me of the issue of abelism. I hope genetics will not go-wrong... Autistic people are most ware of ableism, more so than most people would think ...'Would think'... Its no wonder those with autism are most worried about this topic.

[@Rhaifha]

I had an ableism situation TODAY. So I have a carer that helps me plan my week, my meals and do household chores because my autism and executive dysfunction (and chronic fatigue) make it really hard for me to do that on my own. I was just thinking how my carer made such a difference in my quality of life and a close family member literally asked me if I couldn't just "do it" myself.. Because they hated household chores too, but they still did them... Thanks. I feel bad for needing this service now. Why can't we just leave that kind of decision making about what help we need to the person themselves and the professionals that help them?

[@mom23js]

My kids have autism and i had no idea that these people existed! I really was scared my kids would not be able to leave the house because of their inability to focus and maintain things.. Such as chores or bills.. Knowing that people exist to help with such things is super amazing! Im sorry you gotta deal with that nonsense.. Thats sad they dont think of your carer as an assistant, but more of a maid. Forget em and know that you helped someone today.. Me! Thank you again for commenting! Although the experience was sour.. The knowledge you provided was sweet! THANK YOU!💜🖤💜🖤

[@Rhaifha]

@@mom23js No problem! It can be hard to know these kinds of things because you sort of have to have your foot in the door with certain organisations to actually get that kind of help, but yeah, it exists! But yeah, I have a lot of problems starting the big household chores, so having someone come over and go; "Well, we're going to do that together right now!" is super helpful! I mean, I'm 29 and before my carer I had never cleaned windows. Ever. Even though I'd lived on my own for nearly 10 years (and yes, those 10 years were pretty disastrous overall). A carer is really a thing that's helped me live independently in a way that I can sustain. As for your kids, there's even lots of different types of assisted living facilities that go to "near-independence" too while still keeping an eye out. There's definitely options out there!

[@mom23js]

@@Rhaifha I had no idea of anything other than BT.. But if they cant self manage.. Its amazing knowing that they can get help with that! You're amazing! Thanks again!💜🖤

[@SuturesandStuffies]

Hi, Joelle, Do you mind me asking how you found someone to do that sort of thing for you? Is it an agency setup like home healthcare or something else? Also, Idk if this is too personal, but financially, is it an expensive thing or does insurance pay for it or that sort of thing? I hope to move out and live independently soon since I've 'overstayed my welcome,' so to speak, at home with my mother, but struggle immensely with similar things and think this could be really helpful. I'd like to look into it further. Thank you. 💕 I'm also so sorry you feel bad about having support like that though. That's terrible that people in your life have made you feel that way.

[@Rhaifha]

@@SuturesandStuffies So, I live in the Netherlands specifically, and stuff will of course vary from country to country, but I can't imagine this kind of service being exclusive to here, it's just generally harder to find. In my case I got diagnosed with autism as an adult, after a major burnout, which got me in the door with a big mental health agency that has a specialized department for people with developmental disorders (ASD, ADHD etc.). When I was ready to try living on my own again, they helped me find an agency that does at home care work and helped me apply at the municipality to ask for funding. It's partly paid by the government and partly by insurance, but of course the details of that definitely vary from country to country.

[@Natalie-101]

This could be an amazing series! Oops you did a... (homophobia, sexism etc)

[@Poppy-]

Spot on. Totally, a serie of... She is so informative and funny at the same. I would totally watch 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽

[@pinkbeam]

I was so incredibly proud of my husband the other day. I have a physical disability. He's a nurse. He was managing his ward the other day and some new nurses on his ward were saying that a patients wife was his carer. My husband corrected them & said "no, first & foremost she is his wife". I was so proud! When I cook for him, I'm not his chef. When I go over his university assignments, I'm not his editor. When I talk to him about his day, I'm not his psychologist.

[@Xenobat]

This made me smile ear to ear. What a lovely person your husband is :D

[@pinkbeam]

@@erikduvald6703 What do you mean by that?

[@AlannaMayNorth]

This hit close to home. It never use to bother me as much but since I became a teacher it hurts so much more. Every time a coworker says something stupid towards my disabilities all I can think of is " if you view me that way as a fully functional adult with multiple university degrees how are you viewing the children you teach that are struggling." The hard thing is most of the comments are like you said not meant to be offensive and if you point them out you're seen as overly dramatic.

[@spoopy2504]

It makes me think of when a guy told me that “if I had a healthier diet I wouldn’t have ADHD” 💀💀

[@c.a.1506]

Yup I've heard that one before 😂

[@vetsrus31]

*watches all of my chaotic inner dialogue turn into dancing broccoli* yep, cured, perfectly cured. Wait, why is there a carrot?! Where did you come from? Oh Goddess it is spreading O.O noooooo!

[@toniesenft]

I get things like that all the time for my epilepsy. Last time it was gluten-free

[@kitdubhran2968]

I like. Just wanted to lol. Yeah. No. That. No.

[@PapercraftsbyCindyellen]

Right. So here I am, gf, dairy free, sugar free for 20 years and yet I'm STILL IN PAIN and still, as my hubby says, " the cutest lil bumblebee on the planet." (Since likeva bumblebee, I can't seem to follow a straight path. . .adhd anyone?

[@xXxSailorNekoxXx]

“I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with labeling yourself as disabled, I mean everybody’s a little bit autistic so just don’t let it define you!” Thanks Janet I’ll try to remember that when my autism only affects everything about me every single moment of my life

[@justanotherpiccplayer3511]

!!! Oh my god

[@jahalr6598]

Yeah. My family gets a glazed and annoyed look if I mention my adhd . I have had to stop taking medication for it coz advocating for myslef to my family was taking a higher toll than managing my adhd symptoms. I struggle with my symptoms and my family do support me through it sometimes but only as long as I dont mention adhd as the root cause .

[@Taylor-sj4ib]

Damn do I relate to this... this same thing happens with people who have ADHD! It makes me want to rip my eyeball out with a rusty spoon!

[@samantharawson8996]

Depending on how blunt I want to be, I either tell them that brain scans suggest otherwise, or I ask them if they say "we're all a bit cancerous" to someone undergoing chemo. To the 2nd one, they usually get awkward and horrified, I then say, "well, at least that would be accurate. I mean, Asshole, but accurate. When you say that about autism, you're a WRONG asshole." My fav reply to "autism is a SPECTRUM" is "No, autism is a spectrum disorder." With occasional follow ups of "How exactly is YOUR spectrum disordered?" If they're actually trying to be nice I'll offer to draw them a picture explaining what they think autism is versus what autism actually is.

[@sonjaimmonen6610]

"Yeah, we're all also a little deaf. Some more, some less and some are just plain tone deaf"

[@lrfcowper]

As the parent of a now-adult child on the autism (and ADHD) spectrum (and an adult child on the LGBTQIA spectrum), I can tell you parents get both sides of this, too. I've been told I'm inspiring for just doing the things you do to get through the day (Them: "You spent 3 hours helping your child with his homework? How inspiring!" Me: "Why? Don't you help your kids with their homework when they need it?" Them: "You cook different dishes for your kid? How amazing!" Me: "What? You've never wanted something other people in the family don't like, so made two dishes?") But I've also been told I'm somehow encouraging bad / immoral / lazy / whatever behavior for accommodating my kids and/or that it's somehow my "fault" that they are autistic / LGBTQIA. ("You cook different things for your autistic child? You shouldn't encourage that finicky behavior. You fix one meal and if they won't eat it, they can go hungry!" Me: "Yeah. My kid would literally starve if I didn't accommodate him.") It's just bizarre.

[@skeriicain]

From a mum of a "special" little dude "god only gives you what you can handle" or "god gives special children to special people" Are cause for me to scream!!

[@Joy6168]

My mom feels the same way about those phrases, Skerii Batts.

[@luxurypetscz]

How many of these people did you punch?

[@skeriicain]

@@luxurypetscz In my head? All of them!

[@PianoDisneygal10]

How is that so bad though? We all know that there are terrible parents out there, and that raising kids with special needs is a hard job. They’re complimenting you by saying you have the capability to handle that load. “Other parents may have failed this kid, but you’re not” is often the intent here.

[@christiannabrooks6929]

My favorite one is 'everyone is a little "insert mental disability here" '

[@notlucadaniel]

*eye roll* I hear that one a lot too

[@solsanz5604]

It irks me so much that people believe that bipolar is a quirky personality trait. "I'm so bipolar lol" no sweetie you just had a mood swing.

[@HasabeMizurukara]

Yes! Omg I hate it so much when people call themselves or their friends "so bipolar." Like I take that as an insult.

[@zucchinigreen]

Ugghhhhhhhh.

[@topsyturvy1097]

'Im so OCD' no ur not karen

[@amyalmond3296]

And don’t forget, you can be disabled yourself and still be ableist to others 😒

[@Br0th3r7]

Yes! And also to yourself! the joys of internalised ableism!

[@amyalmond3296]

@@Br0th3r7 yes 100%

[@jahalr6598]

@@Br0th3r7 yeah . I too often refuse to give myself the accommodations I need for fear that I am just being lazy or people will perceive me as such.

[@Br0th3r7]

@@jahalr6598 I get that. I often think I'm less than and defined by my disability, and I also think I couldn't be attractive to anyone because of my disability

[@ChrisPage68]

@@Br0th3r7 Same. I'm over 50, so it was never questioned.

[@caitlinoconnor6906]

I am diagnosed with AS and when I tell people I always get the response 'I would never have guessed that' or 'you don't seem it', or something along those lines. I never realised that this was ableism but I would respond in my head 'Well yeah its called masking that's why girls are usually diagnosed later in life and I still do it to this day'

[@mxnjones]

The phrases “you don’t look autistic” or “ you don’t seem it” or whatever along those lines are just meaningless word vomit.

[@amandabrooks6209]

!!!!THIS!!!! Diagnosed at 21 this year and having to “explain myself” as an autistic person is like? I’ve always been like this?? I just have a word for it now and now my family expects me to educate them on it when it’s difficult for me to communicate as someone on the spectrum. Raised with ableism I’m still trying to get used to voicing my needs to others and attempting to get my family more on board with researching AS and understanding autism in females so it helps them understand me more. Once you’re older it’s harder to get people to care about your diagnosis because “you’re an adult thats had this all your life you know how to handle it by now”, but I feel this huge burden off my chest now. I’m not broken, I’m just different. Arguably I’m happier after my diagnosis because I understand myself if still nobody else does.

[@Lillith.]

Only two people I've met ever told me they suspected it. You'd almost think I was successfully hiding it from myself for almost 24 years. I mean, it was clear as day when they pointed everything out.

[@kaworunagisa4009]

Careful with that response. The "logical" continuation from an ableist is usually along the lines of "Then why don't you keep masking? If you can look like a normal person, then you are one. Why would you need those medical papers if they don't mean anything?"

[@ukbtsarmy4725]

YES THIS THIS THIS - Hiya fellow Autie ^_^

[@LELIE-]

I recently had an appointment for my disability, and my SIL joined me for emotional support. But because she happens to be in a wheelchair and I'm not, everybody just assumed that the appointment was for her... I had to tell the person at the front desk three times that the appointment was for me.

[@gamehero6816]

Why does this sort of feel like a comedy routine?

[@LELIE-]

​@@gamehero6816 - I know, right! At first I thought he didn't hear me correctly, because I don't speak very loudly. But after the second time, it was clear what was going on. I've known about the word "ableism" for a while now, but this was my first time experiencing it to this extent.

[@nelly5376]

Videos like these really help me- an abled bodied person, who's never had to deal with disability with friends and family, and who also grew up in a country where disability was hush hush. Thank you, because I need more education!

[@ericrobinson7184]

She's so clever it hurts, and yet, moves me to become a better person.

[@curiousfirely]

And thank you for being open to learning! As a person with a chronic illness, I truly appreciate it!

[@PirateParadox]

I never want to stop learning about this. I am dis/abled but everyone has different experiences and there are many dis/abilities out there and I never want to make someone else feel the way I feel when people are ableist toward me.

[@Trinian7]

You put my feeling into words

[@crazykenna]

My favorite example of ableism is claiming that listening to audiobooks "doesn't count as real reading" - yeah, because there's only one way to read and you need to have good vision to do it.

[@luv2read247]

I enjoy listening to audiobooks because having stories read to me is awesome. You still had to listen to and make sense of hours of audio content which is what I tell people who say it "doesn't count ". Its also strange that people feel the need to prescribe to you how you are allowed to do a HOBBY? Most reading is done for fun. Who cares how the story is conveyed? My sister has dyslexia and loves to read but can find it challenging. I suggested audiobooks because she does a lot of driving. She told me a book I recommended on audiobook was fantastic but she didn't feel she would have been able to read it because the new vocabulary would have been too hard with her dyslexia. It sucks that people are made to feel left out because they feel bad about accommodating themselves.

[@XXXkazeXXX]

ugh. i kind of used to be one of them and nowadays my still-in-process-of-being-diagnosed adhd brain screams everytime i see that line being used. i’m sorry to the universe for the past me and thank those heavenly people that came up with audiobooks.

[@crazykenna]

@@luv2read247 Yeah, it's a very gate-keeper stance to take, and I don't think most people realize how much more inclusive we can be by including audiobooks in conversations about reading. Plus, audiobooks are enjoyable as audiobooks. I loved the Jim Dale Harry Potter audiobooks as a kid, and books with a large cast, like Daisy Jones and The Six, are very fun as audiobooks! I also apply this logic to providing audio or video alternatives in online classes. It's not only more accessible for people who need it, but it enhances the experience for other students, as well!

[@punky19761]

I belong to reading groups on youtube and Facebook and this is my least favorite topic when it is brought up. I don’t know why some people need such a huge pat on the back for being able to read the paper/worded/book form of a book.

[@mamber4100]

legally blind here and while I managed to get some specially made glasses as an adult that still aren't perfect I got the same sentiment with ebooks as a teen (loved them because the text could be as big as I want) "ooh but the soul of the paper" like dude shut up

[@alysonshorthouse8858]

Boundary violations: a couple of years ago I was in my wheelchair, shopping with a friend in her mobility scooter. A random man just walked up behind me, grabbed the handles of my chair and ran off with me! Absolutely no idea what he thought he was doing, but it was very strange. Fortunately, I was pretty mobile (using the chair because of pain not mobility) and so could get out of the situation easily. But imagine doing that to an absolute stranger who was clearly a vulnerable woman! The implications are terrifying, it could have be so much worse.

[@RedJezka]

Happened to me once, couldn't get out or stop the chair without hurting my hands. The person genuinely thought they were helping and kept insisting it was okay despite my repeated shouts to stop

[@wmdkitty]

If you can walk, you shouldn't be using a wheelchair. Pain is not a disability.

[@RedJezka]

And here we have a live example of the ignorant busybodies who think people should be forced to struggle and endure pain or else they're "lazy" and feel it's their place to police others and tell them they shouldn't use devices to make their daily lives more bearable to navigate. Being an asshole is truly a tragic condition. I'll pray for you. thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/who-really-needs-a-wheelchair-lets-stop-accusing-disabled-folk-of-being-lazy/

[@punky19761]

@@wmdkitty there is no wheelchair shortage. There are many, many, many reasons why someone needs a wheelchair. Paraplegia is just one reason to need a wheelchair. “Not able to walk” is very vague and is included in what happens with lots of different disabilities and looks different for everyone. If someone needs a wheelchair they should have one. I would prefer the people who don’t need a wheelchair for disability related reasons to have them, over people who need one not being able to get one. Too many wheelchairs just means less people are in need, and there are more people around to play wheelchair sports with.

[@punky19761]

@@wmdkitty pain is a part of probably most physical disabilities, eventually, since we use our bodies differently than non-disabled people. Why should we be in pain because some people apparently think we should be?

[@emilylerman9028]

a pet peeve of mine is when others INSIST on calling ADHD a “superpower” instead of a “disability”. of course my ADHD affects my personality in ways that I love and in ways that make me who I am. a lot of my family members also have ADHD so we have a kick joking about it. but it’s not my superpower. it SUCKS.

[@XXXkazeXXX]

this. i’m in the process of getting an adhd diagnosis and i just had a breakdown the day before because i can’t juggle both uni and my symptoms and my next psych appointments is a month away.

[@CheesenMac123]

Yeah, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since I was like 5. And medications help, but I don’t think being viewed as the weird, hyperactive, stupid kid throughout middle and elementary school is a superpower.

[@Shutyourmouth20]

ADHD is just a psychiatric disorder. it’s not even remotely relative to a disability of any variation. The mental behavioral tendencies of someone with ADHD aren’t effected in any significant way.

[@dianelaidlaw837]

@@Shutyourmouth20 you have no idea what you’re talking about. ADHD is not a psychological disorder it’s neurological disorder. Please go to bed and wake up tomorrow

[@Shutyourmouth20]

@@dianelaidlaw837 Your right. I don’t really study such. I mostly study biological and computational mathematics.

[@FiMilton]

As a disabled person I still fall into the trap of finding “more disabled” people “inspiring”. There are so many things I find near impossible and seeing people who I feel like are “sicker” than me doing those things makes me feel really pathetic, like I just need to push myself more.

[@Tinyvalkyrie410]

It’s totally fine to feel that way, your emotions are totally valid. As long as you don’t go around telling those people that they are “such an inspiration” you are good to go. Also, I think the main issue I have when people tell me I’m inspirational is that inspiration is about doing stuff you wouldn’t have done otherwise. So you are inspired. Inspired to do what? Are you actually going to change your behavior? If not you aren’t inspired. You are impressed. The semantic difference there is super important. I still don’t love the idea of people telling me that my wheelchair alone makes me impressive, but it’s a vast improvement than hearing I’m inspiring and then watch that person change literally nothing in their lives.

[@WorthHog]

Can i say you've been a huge influence in coming to terms with the fact that I'll always be disabled, tysm😘😘

[@amara560]

100% agreed!

[@chey_mz]

Same here

[@nikollefreeman3730]

Her video about not being 'useless' made me realize that my disorder is my disability, but I'm not less than because of it. Thanks Jessica!!

[@gabycook9943]

Another show to check out is "Speechless" about a non verbal boy with cerebral palsi, played by a guy with serebral palsi, as he goes to high-school and establishes his independence. It also reflects really well on the impact of having a disabled loved one has on the rest of the family (helped by the fact that the guy who wrote and directed the series has a disabled brother). It's funny and wonderful. So recommend

[@KTK-mp7iw]

Just wanted to let you know you misspelled cerebral. And I enjoyed that show too

[@gabycook9943]

@@KTK-mp7iw great time for the dyslexia to kick in 😂. Thanks

[@wmdkitty]

Please use spellcheck.

[@UnknownVir]

@@wmdkitty what a choice comment on a video labeled "oops, you did a ableism!" edit: nvm, saw some other comments, you're intentionally inflammatory, reminder to myself and others to disengage with things said in bad faith 💜

[@fairynerdy]

Zach Anner was a writer for this show, as well, and he has CP.

[@larabryan5627]

My “favorite” ableist commentary is around the fact that my med alert dog can’t be a service animal because she’s a small Jack Russell mix and be carried in my arms...🙄

[@lacewinglml]

My support animal is a cat, but the issues I have even getting them documented is a pain! Because everyone is obsessed that it HAS to be dogs and other animals just can't do the job.

[@larabryan5627]

@@lacewinglml are talking about getting your cat documented as a service animal or as an emotional support? In the US there are three types of animals covered under the ADA...those are (dogs, ponies, and pigs) because they can be trained to do specific tasks and fall under a broader section of rights. If you are looking for an emotional support animal then that shouldn’t be an issue and you should be able to see a counselor or speak with your dr so that you can explain your needs for your EA.

[@lacewinglml]

@@larabryan5627 After my first cat, (who passed away a few years ago) I've gone emotional support, as its easier. But despite people's opinions cats are trainable and also take initiative to figure out things to help on thier own if you show them a need. Mine are good at knowing when I'm about to go into a panic and herd me to a safe place. But issue is that full support animals get more rights to be able to do thier jobs than jist emotional support. And it was only more recent that they started limiting which animals get to have status as a service animal. (parrots don't fall under the status for service animal but are wicket smart and are more able to use tools.) Of late people been trying to limit emotional support animals even. One state I lived had a few years back proposed a law that would limit support and service animals to ONLY dogs and ONLY certain breeds. That didn't pass (it had been very poorly worded) but again its this ableist mindset that they know better than the people who need or work with these animals

[@larabryan5627]

@@ContentConfessional I thought the same thing. I think it’s a bias thing because we are taught that seeing guide dogs have to be big and huge...without acknowledging that there are more than just “guide dogs” as working animals. I’m a small woman who has circulation/ sensation loss issues with my hands/neck. My ability to control a bigger dog (even trained) could potentially cause greater injury to myself. My mom had the same issue because her seizure alert dog is a toy poodle. What is some what ironic about this discrimination is that toy poodles historical roles were as companion animals providing service to there owners and the standards/miniatures were water hunting dogs. I think another issue is people who claim their small, untrained dog is a service animal and those dogs go off! My dog was attacked outside a store due to this happening. While not seriously hurt I did have to restart her training around other dogs which is expensive.

[@KatieM786]

I saw an article where a lady in the US got upset because her support animal (that she hadn't declared) wasn't allowed on a flight with her in the cabin. The animal in question was a squirrel. 🐿️

[@VoyageOne1]

For me, the worst kind of ableism is being treated like I'm five years old

[@Willow._.tree.]

Ugh I hate that. When I say I’m autistic they start treating me like a child. It’s so stupid.

[@stfuyoutube423]

@@Willow._.tree. i hate when that shit happens

[@alisonremusandlil]

The one I get the most often is when acquaintances find out that I have significant trouble waking up early, and they get very insistent that I can change that by setting an alarm clock to wake up early every day. Believe me, if an alarm clock could cure chronic pain from affecting me worst early in the morning, then I wouldn’t have to tell people that I can’t make a commitment early in the morning! I’m telling you that I can’t be somewhere at 6am because - drum roll, please - I physically can’t be there at 6am. Also, if you try to argue and tell me that you know I can be there if I really want to, I’m not going to magically change my mind, because arguing with me about my chronic pain also doesn’t cure my chronic pain.

[@dragonflies6793]

ugh yes. One we get a lot is people assuming that issues with getting work done due to randomly collapsing and having very limited energy is actually just procrastinating. Like no, we're actually very good at scheduling our time (bc we have to be) but that doesn't help when you end up lying on the floor or in bed unable to lift your head for hours and can't physically use your laptop to work on your assignments at the moment (not to mention it often comes along with terrible headaches and pain).

[@InconspicuousLagomorph]

The "At least you still look great" line happens to me a LOT. My coping mechanism for everything about my condition is jokes so of course my response is "Oh yeah, the bright side of the joint degeneration & bonkers constant pain is that I basically quit aging at 25 & can't gain weight to save my life." The whole unsolicited exercise & such advice I just look at them & say "Wow. You just heard about my condition for the first time & already know more than my doctors? That's super impressive..." then maintain deeply uncomfortable eye contact until they apologize or leave.

[@user-hz8eo8zi6s]

the fact we've been socially constructed to have any kind of norms that literally do not make sense is ridiculous. Like people are taught that a certain way is "normal" when what we're disregarding is actually a majority of people, or the norm may just not be true at all. like society explain???

[@Allieg806]

"Normal" is just the accepted sociatal values of where you are born combined with what you are exposed to growing up. I think that the thing that causes most of these issues is just lack of exposure to disability growing up

[@Astgsfgt]

Well, the norm is by definition what is most common (in a given culture / society). But this doesn't mean that what is not normal is bad or not valid. The problem arises when we interpret the idea of "normal" as moral quality, instead of pure statistics. Unfortunately this association in so engraved in our culture that it's very hard to improve..

[@lynn858]

@@Astgsfgt exactly! Normal is a statistic not an assessment of value.

[@Inamichan]

I’m not disabled but I’m a black person and a lot of this remind me of the gross things I experience as a black human. The things people say about my life and experiences. Especially when they don’t think it’s insulting or rude and get pissed that you’re insulted.

[@Astgsfgt]

Exactly! Somehow, they value you so little that you don't even have the right to feel upset. It's so infuriating! And of course, ironically, this immediately changes if the situation is reversed. I'm afraid it's something that many minorities experience...

[@oyinkansolaadebajo9716]

As someone who is black AND disabled, I can confidently agree, as I get the most bs for my race and disability

[@quirkyblackenby]

As a disabled black person you’re very right. A lotta the methods and rude comments overlap

[@alisonbarker3862]

I would like to hear more about this, Inami. Care to elaborate?

[@Mithcoriel]

I'm interested too. Just gonna reply here so I get notifications.

[@KW-cv5me]

“You’re too pretty to be disabled”. If only someone could have let my body know that.

[@UnknownVir]

"Yes, I know, but my management *still* hasn't resolved the clerical error, in fact, I hear they haven't even considered that we're all too fabulous for this!"

[@KW-cv5me]

@@UnknownVir 😆 😆 😆

[@StellaBellaOla]

"You're too young to have that much back pain" oh thank you, please inform my body and I am sure it'll magically go away.

[@lunatykica5636]

clearly we default all look like hellish abominations

[@Aherara]

For a long time, my sleeping problemes were a huge part of my disability, and had a hard impact in my life, but people were like : "did you try to excercise ?" "You should listen to waves sounds, it really helps me" "you know, you should sleep 8 hours, otherwise it's normal to me tired" That's so frustrating and even a little insulting that people thinks that you almost can't do anything in your day but you didn't try to do some sport, I think a lot of eople can relate

[@rebeccajesse4604]

Had insomnia for years. I would try every trick in the book and none of them worked. It got really frustrating because people would try and force me to do things that worked for them. Like "good for you. I am not you." Melatonin makes me jerk like crazy. Reading a book keeps me awake. Laying in complete silence in the dark makes me feel like I'm being buried alive. I exercise plenty. I don't even own a cell phone (at the time). Just ugh. Still no clue why I have less trouble with insomnia these days. But it certainly was no melatonin or lavender!

[@robinhahnsopran]

For me, I hate it the most when people around me assume they know what I can and can't do. Like, if I came to audition for a role in an opera, trust and believe that I know my body can handle the way that production is going to work. I've studied the rehearsal schedule and the demands of the opera itself, and if I didn't think it was doable for my body, I would not have come to audition in the first place! What's worse, they then often make that decision without talking to me about it. I am absolutely, completely happy to be asked if I'm up to the particular demands of a particularly rigorous rehearsal schedule or acrobatic staging or something that wasn't mentioned in the audition listing, though! People assuming they know better - without asking me! - is plain infantilization. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk~

[@the_5th_night]

Yes! Yes! Yes! I hate that fucking shit! It’s so frustrating, feeling like they don’t trust you to know your body.

[@nenmaster5218]

@@the_5th_night Genetics-Talks always remind me of the issue of abelism. I hope genetics will not go-wrong... Autistic people are most ware of ableism, more so than most people would think ...'Would think'... Its no wonder those with autism are most worried about this topic.

[@uk285]

You forgot to include “but if you try harder” I am a very calm person but them 5 words are a easy way for me to get nuclear mad.

[@Rhaifha]

Honestly, it just gets traumatic at some point. When you've been trying so so hard for years and years and still failed and finally you're able to cut yourself some slack, live within YOUR limits and be happy. And then people just flatten your struggles to "just try harder"? Punch worthy. (Not that I'd actually hit people, but I sure do want to in those moments)

[@ukbtsarmy4725]

That's makes me wanna get a plastic fish or smthg and slap em with it, anyone else. Okay just me 😂

[@RoMayDrako]

I have prosopagnosia or more simple terms face blindness. How many times before diagnosis and after have I herd those words spoken. Recently it's be recognized as a disability much to the amusement of the community I joined. To me it's not a disability just an inconvenience when people are being uppity about not being recognized and/or for me "not trying harder".

[@lunatykica5636]

mood

[@kittyjuneo2218]

Was once told by a school worker that "I know depression and anxiety are hard, but you could also try a bit harder." Yeah, thanks for making me feel worse about myself than I already did!

[@thaliapaiz5548]

all rude people ever: oops, silly me i'll try harder, jessica, i swear *immediately spews hate on twitter*

[@canonicallykayfabe]

That's so accurate-

[@thedragonsunicorn]

why do people do this? 😭 they apologize for something and then go on to do the exact thing they apologize for minutes later and they *always* start with "i'm not racist/lgbtq+phobic/sexist etc but...." or "no offense but..."

[@shieh.4743]

@@thedragonsunicorn Often because they don't understand (or worse they don't care) that what they are saying is hurtful. We can also choose not to listen to or not to be hurt by such people.

[@dexa6623]

Ugh. I had one friend talk about how she didn't get vaccines because she was scared of needles, and I said something like "a fear of needles doesn't justify putting immune compromised lives at risk", and I also have a condition that requires multiple needles a day, and she got kind of quiet and muttery. Couple weeks later I found her Twitter, and she had went on a rant about how she shouldn't need to take vaccines because she's scared of needles. 🤦‍♂️

[@thaliapaiz5548]

@@dexa6623 lmao

[@tozerb]

I always get the following: "oh you are too young to be using a cane" "oh but you look healthy" "omg you have to use a cane sometimes? you don't really need that then do you?" "Why can't you exercise and lose weight like everyone else, you will get better if you just do that." well cause I have arthritis, EDS and hip dysplasia and I also have an intolerance to crappy, insensitive advice from someone who isn't my doctor lol

[@cassiforest9191]

I have that same intolerance!!!! 🤣

[@pebblesmiller9026]

Its so hard , as if w dont have enough to deal with . We must suffer thoughtless comments from family and friends. I cannot drop them all who say well you look good today or if you tried harder or rested less etc. Why oh why would most of us not want to be out pain and have more energy!?

[@tozerb]

Yes to all of this! You all are so wonderful here and I hope you all have a wonderful and safe day/night. I usually don't post much on KZbin but this video really made me think about my own experiences with people making comments about my disability ❣️

[@AnneBonaparte]

Me: *knows I adore Jessica, she's gorgeous with perfect makeup, dresses the way I want to dress, makes loud and proud educational videos, what I want to be when I grow up* Jessica: I love the fast and furious franchise Me: *explodes with adoration*

[@jahalr6598]

The world will be a better place if we were taught this in school .

[@annemaki9596]

... or at home.

[@ericrobinson7184]

So true, academia is failing us in so many ways, they won't come clean about protecting minorities of any kind, except the rich and wealthy. I'm so jaded!

[@fionafiona1146]

Germany is doing fine, nazis have a R1 of 0.3 right now so we might be rid of them by 2080.

[@HaleyMary]

So true! All I learned in school was how shameful it was to be disabled because I was bullied by non learning disabled kids. The world is still eons behind in civil rights.

[@giorgiamoi8850]

1000000%

[@miippi]

I had to ask for help today from a strange in reading a sign. She responded with "can't you just read that?" "Well.. no, that's why I asked if you could tell me what it says." Just because I can walk on my own, without bumbing into buildings (they are rather large, and therefor quite visible even when you can barely see) doesn't mean I can read an itty-bitty sign by the ceiling.

[@callkathy2010]

My least favorite one: "If you lost some weight, you would be in less pain/you would be able to breathe better/your knees would work again!" Fun fact: My knee problems started because I grew wrong, not because of my size. I weighed less than 110 pounds when I had my first surgery in the 80's. A lot of the weight I carry is from the six knee surgeries in five years I survived a couple of decades ago. My asthma started when I was a kid too. I don't understand why people feel they can make such comments if they don't know the whole story!

[@justintime6998]

Well you’re weight probably makes already existing conditions worse.

[@alligordon2381]

To which I would say "If you lost some stupid, it would help the pain I'm in now... from this conversation." 😂

[@Ruthavecflute]

Idiots will be idiots I'm afraid. Particulaly the ones who know the least about the condition in question

[@tam_aria2001]

Maybe because those are common side effects people get from being overweight or obese and they relate your health problems to that, maybe you can explain them that those are problems you had since chilhood instead of taking it so personal

[@lionrence]

It's the worse when doctors say that shit to you, like, no shit sherlock, you get paid to tell what I already know? now can you provide an actual solution.

[@LecheVitrineUK]

Can someone send this video to Sia? Also today I found out I have passed my master's degree in autism.....I am autistic, I now have the best come back when people say: 'you don't look autistic, are you sure you are?' ahm... Yes I was diagnosed by psychologists and I have a master's degree in autism, I really I am sure.

[@nenmaster5218]

Yeah, she's impressively uneducated... she needs many channel, like Sci Man Dan. And Hbomberguy. And Illuminaughtii. All cool channel.

[@rtdugan04]

Jessica is the reason I accepted the fact that wearing hearing aids means I have a disability and I can raise my hand when I need help (like closed captioning on work videos)

[@jordanburke1006]

I had a friend in High School who told my whole year that I was lazy and couldn’t be bothered to go to school. When I reality I was suffering from severe chronic fatigue and couldn’t leave my bed most days... safe to say she isn’t my friend anymore 😅😂

[@KateeAngel]

I cannot even count the amount of times I heard "just cheer yourself up" when I was going through the worst of my depression, or the amount of times when people did not realise that my bad mood or anger or lack of motivation didn't suddenly appear out of nowhere.

[@bjcronje]

My most hated ableism is "you should do yoga". Yes that would be great, if only I could.

[@spiritussancto]

Like people with horrible depression are told to just do all the things their illness stops them from doing. I'd love to just sleep perfectly and eat right and go outside. *That's the problem*

[@bjcronje]

@@spiritussancto I feel you ❤️

[@MsMorganThorne]

I used to love yoga, even considered becoming an instructor. That ableism is so prevalent, it makes me kinda hate yoga now.

[@punky19761]

Gee, I wish I could, but I need to not mess up my upper body so I can still get on a toilet and on a bed.

[@PeacefulSlumber]

I've had this one SO many times! That, meditation and swimming.

[@seescilek]

Hi Jessica! I just wanted to say thank you for being so open about your chronic illnesses etc. This is how I figured out I had POTS and EDS at 24 after 7 years of being ignored and being told I was just "anxious". You're one of the reasons I've been able to fight for my rights, find a doctor who knows something about it and try out meds for my heart. Thank you, from the bottom of my (tachycardic) heart. All the love for you & claud from the Netherlands x

[@Lillith.]

I hate the "but you don't look disabled". Not everyone with a disability has crutches/a wheelchair/missing limbs/etc. Please enlighten me how I should look.

[@topsyturvy1097]

Blue with a white wheelchair :P

[@proudlyplural9506]

@@topsyturvy1097 HAHAHA :)

[@alisonbarker3862]

Look gorgeous. Oh, you already do. Great.x

[@annettejones7777]

THANK YOU! I hate the dirty looks when I park in the accessible spots. (Do normies have any idea the hoops one must jump to get one of those tags in the States? Ugh!) Or when I use a motorized cart. (Um yeah, I'm not just some lazy fat woman. Thanks! P.S. Okay, I am fat...but not because I'm lazy! Lol)

[@darlalathan6143]

Especially when you have a mental disability, like autism!

[@zuziazuziazuziazuzia]

The ever present "just do yoga" when any chronic illness is mentioned

[@sleepinbelle9627]

I refuse to do yoga out of spite

[@NancyStrain]

Yoga is really bad for me in particular because I can't put weight on my hands 🥴

[@zuziazuziazuziazuzia]

Yoga is ok, I like stretching. I'm very happy for all who love it. Still it's not a one true cure-all

[@melp.1942]

Amen Jessica! Propensity to dislocations, everywhere, and exercise? NOT a great combination! As someone with Marfan Syndrome, I face it every day! I love it too when people (doctors!) say "You don't (or look like you don't) have Marfan Syndrome just because I don't have what some people stereotypically consider people with Marfan do/should look like "Tall and very thin". I am tall-ish (5"8") but did not get the very thin part but I DO have Marfan Syndrome. My son is 7'4" and when he was young, a woman came up to pray for him because he was so "different" than his peers. Grrr.

[@the808songbird]

Yeah, my rheumatologist told me she doesn't think I have EDS because "you don't have the look of someone with EDS" even though I've got pleeeeenty of symptoms that indicate it's a possibility

[@melp.1942]

@@the808songbird Right? I think I have experienced it at least 3x now, once even by a friend who is a doctor when I first told him I thouht I had Marfan. Imagine if doctors could tell if someone had Cancer just by looking at them - they CAN'T. I get it that doctors learn about Marfan/EDS but may nevèr see a patient with either when they start "practicing" medicine but it should be Medicine 101 in school that you NEVER, EVER make a snap diagnosis/comment like that based on someone's appearance. I am so sorry you have had to deal with the same experience.

[@YourPartnerInCrime]

I’m disabled and I struggle with being heard/acknowledged while not having my entire identity be my disability. I’ve learned that I’ve been internalizing ableism and that a lot of my negative self talk is a result of that. I don’t want people to be dismissive of my pain and yet I also don’t want my disability to be the only thing people see.

[@bestrafung2754]

Same here.

[@sleepykitty1985]

It's a thin, tight rope and we already have balance issues.

[@alisonbarker3862]

Absolutely. Seeing a disabled person as a disabled person is it's own discrimination. Negative self talk is difficult to overcome. It increased 2x when I was recently in rehab. [physical]. xAlison.

[@YourPartnerInCrime]

@@alisonbarker3862 ❤️

[@jkl799]

This is exactly how I feel. This is so clear and explains it so perfectly. It states our frustration and how we'd like to be treated. Nicely done.

[@valeyang4177]

I never knew this kind of thing had a name! Thank you for teaching me! I have MS and technically I am "disable". Back pain is killing me and sometimes I tend to walk / work /talk / do a lot of things slower than the average.. but people around me always think that I'm lazy, that I'm faking it I'm gonna share this video with EVERYONE. A lot of love and support! ❤

[@jahalr6598]

I related so hard on the whole shielding thing . I have been shielding for over a year going stir crazy while my social circle keep living their life normally and lecture me on overdoing it !

[@Autumn1988]

People- It only kills people with health conditions! Me- LIKE ME?!

[@GhostOfLorelei]

“We’re not a lump of people”. This. True across so many “isms” as well.

[@michaelromick9596]

"Honestly, ADHD isn't even a disability. So many people have it..." Okay, do you??? No? Then I don't want to hear it. I got mad at this friend for saying that to me and she had the nerve to tell me "okay sorry honey, you're right, you ARE special". I don't want to be "special", I just don't want you to tell me that my disability doesn't make my life hard!!

[@punky19761]

That person sounds toxic.

[@michaelromick9596]

@@punky19761 Yup, agreed... It's really disappointing to have a friend say something like this to you

[@lionrence]

"stop talking about ADHD!" - my (ex) friend. glad she's not in my life anymore.

[@michaelromick9596]

@@lionrence I'm glad she's not in your life too. You deserve better

[@mmori673]

So what's their logic? Because a lot of people have it, it's not a disability? I guess I'll just tell my brain that and I'll be able to function properly, because I'm not disabled! Hurrah!

[@Gubbelflopsy]

Your channel has really made me aware of how rarely I see stories about disability told by disabled people themselves instead of in the standard "look at this disabled person being inspiring!" way. It's so refreshing to see you tell your own story and share your interests that actually go beyond being disabled (apparently a shocking concept to some people). Also I love your hair😍

[@gozerthegozarian9500]

"There're just horses with neck problems!" As somebody whose ADHD was dismissed as "bad behaviour" for ages, this made me laugh and cry at the same time. I love you, Jessica!

[@Dougiewoof]

Also the people that are like "it's not fair you get to take Focus medication" like I'm sorry Sarah do you want me to have a mental breakdown.

[@gozerthegozarian9500]

@@Dougiewoof Word! Not to mention that our literal brains literally work differently than theirs, our medications have a very different effect on them! A substance that helps us focus might very likely cause them distraction. * facepalm *

[@natthasiriboon8145]

@@Dougiewoof I got that too. I stopped taking my medication when I was in middle school for this very reason. It didn't turn out well. And when I started my collage, my uncle said 'if it's fair for people who lost their leg to use prophetic, it is fair for you to take your meds.'.

[@dianaking1106]

It makes me so happy to see you using your platform in this way and advocating for good! 💙💚❤💜💛 I get the "You don't look sick" all the time and its infuriating. It's as if they think I should pull out my diseased kidney and wear it on my sleeve so that I can "prove" my illness to perfect strangers.

[@archerlady]

I got that. Like being pale and anemic is a healthy look. Most people don't have a clue about kidney disease. My MIL would pray for me and show me diets that would help "heal" my kidneys. She finally stopped when I told her they are mostly-dead freeloaders and it's irreversible. Wishing you the best of luck. My transplant was September 1, 2018.

[@lunacouer]

It's so invalidating. Not that I want to hear "Oh you look _awful"_ either 😂 But it's the implication of what they're saying - "Since you don't fit my pre-conceived notions of what chronic illness looks like, phht, it can't be that big a deal. You're just __________ (insert negative judgment here)." I used to think I was being sensitive...until I started using a cane. That's when the passive-aggressive "You don't look sick" remarks stopped. In fact, people started being nice about it. Except, heh, the condition wasn't different - I just got to the point where I needed a mobility aid. But now because people had a visual, I was suddenly "disabled-approved". And that relief of not feeling like I had to explain my entire medical history to the non-disabled made me realize "Oh, no, I wasn't being sensitive. They were just all jackholes." But hey, I guess that's one bonus for invisible illnesses. It's a jackhole detector 😂

[@the_5th_night]

I would love to show my brain on display. Then people can try to see how autistic it is. Wait, that would kill me.

[@nenmaster5218]

SIA does not know any of this. She's uneducated. She needs more Education-Channel: Honestly, we all do. Oversimplified, Sci Man Dan, Hbomberguy all such channel are important.

[@miriamkorver1443]

A lot of employers have "we celebrate diversity" on their websites, some even specifically mentioning disabilities, but do they actually hire disabled people?

[@Dhor16]

Yes, they do. But mostly because then they get a tax allowance from the government. (If they employ at least x% disabled people)

[@punky19761]

@@Dhor16 That hasn’t been my experience, but maybe that’s just my neck of the Midwest.

[@KW-cv5me]

I was rejected from a job at Walmart because they “already had a disabled person”

[@ukbtsarmy4725]

Whenever I see that I see it as a big red flag these days. Idk why, oh but yh I do.

[@KatieM786]

"We celebrate diversity but only if it doesn't cost us anything and it looks good on photographic promotional material".

[@kennamcg7977]

I always hate when hearing people say “I couldn’t stand being Deaf, I’d just die!” And my Deaf ass who’s had hearing loss since 4 years old and is a grown ass adult is just like “gee....thanks. I clearly thought about that option! But I think ASL worked out just fine for me!”

[@tbc_cosplay]

"Um actually, they prefer being called (some bullshit), disabled is offensiveeee" - ableds 24/7 not knowing I'm disabled

[@Poppy-]

Yeah, like an acquaintance of mine being called hard of hearing. He said: "I'm deaf as a pot! Not hard of hearing." He is proud of being deaf and he has thought me bits of sign language.

[@mediocretriplethreat]

Sia said "because they're not called disabilities, they're called special abilities now." Ew.

[@Poppy-]

@@mediocretriplethreat cringe... I guess it's her way of being somehow inclusive

[@Munomanom]

The amount of people who try to teach me about my disability (without knowing I have said disability) as if they are the all seeing all knowing expert on the subject even though they don't have said disability is just too damn high

[@Munomanom]

@@mediocretriplethreat Some people with disabilities do refer to them as superpowers these days... it bugs me a little... it's especially common in the autism community but it just perpetuates this idea that all people with autism have that one thing they are really good at and fml i wish

[@dannydunn79]

being called disabled isn't a bad thing for me, it's just accurate. (This is about the bit where her foil comments 'I don't think of you as disabled' 'you don't look sick' etc. *edited for clarification)

[@alisonlove2784]

I suppose it's different for each individual my friends don't like being classed as disabled.

[@MoonyRabbit]

I think Jessica's point was to not reduce a disabled person to only "disabled"

[@dannydunn79]

It is different for every individual. And respecting those differences and preferences are always paramount over generalizations. While my disability is not the only aspect of my identity it is *a* part of it. I'm not "handicapable" or "differently abled". I'm disabled. It's not a bad thing, it's just my life. When people downplay or ignore my disability or deny that aspect of my life, it doesn't help any more than making that the only thing they focus on.

[@yoyoetherington8916]

@@MoonyRabbit I feel like you hit the nail on the head, people would find it weird if she was described as a "female youtuber" because KZbinrs doesn't mean by default male. It is accurate to call her female but to call her a female youtuber would be offensive!

[@enderkai618]

i imagine it's similar to how _i'm_ okay with being called fat because imo that's just a description of me, but not everyone is okay with being called that

[@clarestuber8375]

Thank you, Jessica! This reminds me of the time my boyfriend asked for any possible accommodations due to my epilepsy for his senior prom. After he found out there would be scrobe lights. The organizers response was, "can't she just wear sunglasses?" They didn't understand what they had said was hurtful. 4 years later and still I'm angry.

[@karlijns4816]

Question about this situation (feel free to ignore me). I try to be always mindful of the way i phrase things, but sometimes fall short. Why what they asked this hurtful? because they are putting the burden of disability accommodations on you? I understand from the organizers perspective they don't want to take any parts of the prom away if other options are available. Was it the tone they used?

[@Stettafire]

@@karlijns4816 It's hurtful because it's common sense that sunglasses won't magically stop strobe lights from having an effect on people with epilepsy. In other words the organisers didn't even make an effort. The "can t she just..." suggests that they expect her to do that thing and think it's daft if she doesn't. They make it sound like they don't even care, they just think she's getting in the way. If the question were phrased like "would sunglasses help against the strobe lights?" That is an equally stupid, but open question. The first implies an expectation upon the lady to act, while second the question implies "ok, let's talk, I'm willing to be wrong, and willing to be correct." Essentially, the first is a closed question, while the second is open to further dialogue (even if it's a little ignorant).

[@Astgsfgt]

The worst thing for me is having to accept "kindness" from people who decide, just by looking at me, that I have a disability (plot twist: I don't). Me: "No thanks, I can perfectly open my own bag of chips" Hostess on a plane, exhibiting a condescending smile and opening the bag of chips for me *anyway*: "Ah, but I do it with pleasure!" Me, feeling humiliated: It's not my job to explain to you why what you just did is irrespectful, so I just ask you for a new unopened bag of chips, as everyone else." Hostess: "You people are so rude, one can't do a kind gesture for anyone!" Forcing your "unrequited kindness" on someone else is not kindness, people. Whether there is a real disability or one that you perceive (using your limited judgment) as such. A good rule of thumb is always the good old "would I do/say this to myself, or to someone that *I* perceive as "able"? No? Then don't do it to anyone else.

[@Dhor16]

I believe it really depends. Many disabled people hate if you just go up to them and offer your help, yes. But many others actually prefer to be approached and offered. The thing is, one might never know how the offer to help will be percieved. I agree though that you should never force it on anyone, just politely ask if you can assist in any way, and take no for answer if that's the case.

[@Astgsfgt]

@@Dhor16 Mhh I still think that forcing your help on someone (or, honestly, even just asking questions like "do you need help with this basic task? / Can you do this?"), purely based on your assumption that they are not able to do something by themselves is very patronising. How would you feel if I came to you, out of nothing, and asked if you needed help doing something you are perfectly capable of doing? I guess confused at first, but quite irritated if it happens everyday, hundreds of different people indirectly telling you that you are not able to do something (often, even when you do it in front of them anyway). Observe: if a person needs help, they WILL communicate it to you, either directly or indirectly. And only then you can help, in a way that is not humiliating for them

[@punky19761]

I prefer my chips to be untouched, especially during a pandemic. Also, to be fair, I probably won’t be flying again, ever. But that’s just me, certainly not every disabled person.

[@punky19761]

@@Dhor16 just remember, no means no, for everyone. Also if we say no, that’s not any more rude than anyone else saying no. Ruining my day by calling me rude because I didn’t need your help, is not helpful and does not unburden me. Understanding as much as you can about accessibility and ableism, help to unburden me as a disabled person.

[@rebeccajesse4604]

At my job I have to ask every single customer if they want help carrying their groceries out. And I make sure to ask every single one. Because it is not my place to decide which of them need it based on what I can see. If the 6 foot built guy says yes he need help with his gallon of milk I do it. If the little old lady has a 50 pound bag of rice and says no. I don't. I always offer, to everyone, and then respect the answer.

[@aliceinwonderland8314]

Despite my mum being pretty sure I was autistic, she didn't want to get me diagnosed as she knew people would just see the label. When I did get diagnosed to get extra time in my GCSE exams, one of my teachers, after being told, started talking to me at the parents evening like I was a toddler. And the amount of teachers who gave me feedback along the lines of "great work but minimal effort", or "you'll do great, you just need to put more time into your work" was so frustrating, especially when I was putting most of my time and effort into it. I'm intelligent and they understood that, but they never could seem to understand I have one speed and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it.

[@GM-pn2bi]

I'm quite sure laziness doesn't exist. I've only ever seen it used to justify some kinda tosh lol.

[@notlucadaniel]

as an ADHD person, that's a mood. the number of times I hear people say 'oh I'm just lazy that's why I don't do this thing' but I can *tell* that they don't have control over it...!

[@TemariNaraannaschatz]

@@notlucadaniel Was looking for this comment. Still thankful for my therapist saying that even if I feel like I am procrastinating it isn't a problem at all when I can still meet my deadlines, made me feel so much better about my inablity to concetrate and keep on track for doing this thing for long. Because I am not lazy, I am just horribly easy to distract and can't focus on one thing for long outside of very few activities.

[@notlucadaniel]

@@TemariNaraannaschatz that’s relatable. I still feel a lot of that guilt tbh, even though I’ve known for years it’s not laziness or my fault.

[@TemariNaraannaschatz]

@@notlucadaniel It's a pain in the ass to get over that feeling. Doesn't always work for me either, but the fact that in the back of my head I know takes quiet a bit of the blow away, hope it does for you aswell.

[@notlucadaniel]

@@TemariNaraannaschatz Yep. And yeah, knowing it, even in the back of your mind, does help. And I wouldn’t even be aware of it if it wasn’t for all the people talking about it online!

[@Angi3_6]

I work at a grocery store, which is generally fast pace. I have a slow processing which affects every part of my life, and when I tell people that, they think I chose to be slow, because they can't see what is holding me back. Like, that I love that I inconvenience everyone. But when someone has a surgery, or that they can see for themselves that something psychical is holding them back, they are far more understanding. Meanwhile, I get looks, comments, "helpful" advice, and so on, all because my disabilities aren't visible.

[@thehorriblebright]

One thing I have indirect experience of is hospital staff not talking to the patient, who is fully able to speak for themself, and instead speaking to me, the assisted living guy who has no answers and is just helping with bridging my employers physical issues.

[@minds_are_made_of_clouds9543]

I’m so glad you mentioned about uni dorms - I’ve been at uni and am now at home due to lockdown and people having parties are awful and it’s still happening!!! I am struggling as an able bodied person who’s been in all of the various lockdowns I can’t imagine how it is for people who’ve been shielding for so long

[@adjusttherain]

Disabled is not a swear word! No I'm not lazy No "going for a walk evry day" will not help and it could make me worse. No i don't like attention. Yes i can walk but i still need the chair.

[@Amozon28]

another show with good rep is "Speechless" a family sitcom where one of the kids happen to have CP played by an actor with CP. and the writer/creator based a lot of the show and stories off living with a brother with CP so its great

[@phi1105]

Omg I love speechless! If you like that, check out Everythings Going to be Okay. It's on hulu, has actresses with Autism, and amazing LGBTQ representation!

[@BelleRCC]

"why are you in a wheelchair, you can walk" "why are you so heavy" "uhhh... I have severe POTS and can't stand for more than 15 minutes"

[@alligordon2381]

"Why is all that bullsh*t coming out of your mouth, you have an anus" lol (I have POTS too)

[@scr6279]

High five POTS club! "Oh, you mean you just stood up too fast?" No...no.

[@alligordon2381]

@@scr6279 "No, I mean: I stood up. Just stood up. All regular type." (Or stood •most• of the way up haha)

[@scr6279]

@@alligordon2381 I get trying to relate and all, but just aaghhh. Especially when you are literally telling them you have a disorder and explaining it. It wouldn't be a disorder if that was normal.

[@lindaduncan2152]

My daughter has has POTS too and the looks you get transferring from the car to the wheelchair or just moving your legs!

[@jrs-1228]

Hey, sometimes they don't even ask if they can pray for you. You'll just be out shopping, minding your own business, when out of nowhere, a hand grabs you and the public, audible praying begins.

[@Hippidippimahm]

I start LOUDLY counter-praying to Goddess Kali or Satan and that always scares them off. “ in the name of Satan I rebuke thee! Cast out these filthy angels Satan!”

[@jrs-1228]

@@Hippidippimahm I wish I'd had the presence of mind to think of that! My go-to was, unfortunately, stunned silence. But now I know better. :)

[@punky19761]

I wish they would ask more often so I can say, “yes, but only if you pray to the son of Satan.....”

[@dianeaishamonday9125]

Just tell them "Depart from me, you workers of iniquity, I never knew you!" It's a real Bible quote and it'll put them in their place. Or just remind them that Jesus tells us to pray in secret, not in public making a spectacle of it. ...it's fun being a former Christian knowing their tricks 😁

[@friendly.felidae]

My favorite was when someone in my rotation group told me that my chronic fatigue (likely from EDS, I have a doctors letter that says it is likely but not his specialty so he can't diagnose) and my (diagnosed, autoimmune) hypothyroidism could could be cured by a better diet. This was someone who had already passed 3 years of vet school people🙃

[@eightmagpies]

Editing/ acting/ costuming is so good in this video! You're approaching contrapoints production levels here. And thank you for the content, super important to hear this from your perspective.

[@Natalie-101]

As a non disabled person I always do my best be inclusive in my language and actions and youtubers like you have been a big part of helping me realize small ways to change that I didn't even realize were wrong, I'm excited to learn more! Recently I explained to my mom that she should be saying "accessible" instead of "handicapped" for things like bathrooms and parking spaces. It's a small change but spreading awareness matters especially when it takes no effort to change and just makes you treat others better

[@ChrisPage68]

I would encourage you to use Non-disabled. Able-bodied itself is ableist.

[@Natalie-101]

@@ChrisPage68 noted! See there's always more to learn

[@shieh.4743]

@@ChrisPage68 Can you explain why? Isn't the presumption the same either way or is there a connotation I'm not noticing?

[@tylerphuoc2653]

@@shieh.4743 I think this is sort of an issue of some people seeing disabled people as a monolith. Some prefer "non-disabled", and some prefer "able-bodied". Interpreting either as ableism is kinda up to individual disabled people themselves to decide for themselves; you'll have to ask specific disabled people what they would prefer you call people who don't have their disability, or what they prefer that you'd call other disabled people.

[@tylerphuoc2653]

@@shieh.4743 Like, I'm reminded of people from our era where we don't mind sheltering ourselves under the label of "queer", myself included. Either for us "queer" is redeemed, or we never lived in a time where it was used as an insult. There are still many people alive today who remember "queer" as a word leveled against us as a slur, and they prefer "sexual and gender minority" or some other synonym instead. I myself would still say "yes", though, if someone asked me whether I was queer or not.

[@lillyskyscraper6]

Oh my gosh about the black TV. Samsung came up with a TV that when it's off it's a picture. Like a skilled artist paining or something, amazing. You should check it. It is called The Frame I believe.

[@Kaeinlya]

I saw that one and completely fell in love...until I realized it was 5 times the price of the smart tv we did end up getting.

[@JustAnotherPerson4U]

The 'I don't think of you as disabled.' Really gets me. 'Cause I have ASD and my dad has said this to me and it really hurts because I can't even explain to him how this statement is more hurtful than he realises. I KNOW he means something along the lines of 'I just think of you as you. I don't think about your ASD.' And it's hard to articulate to him that it's hurtful. Like it doesn't acknowledge that its a part of me. Mainly because I admit I'm not comfortable bringing it up to him. Especially since i'm afraif that he'll try and claim that I'm using it as an excuse when I get in arguments with him. Like, once not too long after I got diagnosed we got in an argument and he basically tried to frame it in the heat of the moment like I was acting like some sort of... fake criminal using my autism as an excuse when I hadn't even MENTIONED it. He was the one who brought it up. It's more painful to hear the microaggressions when they come from family. At the very least you can brush off a stranger. Cant be done with family. Also, many are quick to deny that we are an ableist country just because it's not the worst and that we do have laws against it. But just because Ableism isn't as blatant and there are some laws against it doesnt meant it doesn't happen or that there isn't a systemic problem with it. There are laws against racism and homophobia. Doesn't stop those things from happening.

[@ukbtsarmy4725]

My dad does the same thing, he even calls it "pulling out the Autism card" - wtf man.

[@jenniferhergert4447]

I am not disabled, I do however have severe cptsd and suffered from severe depression for a long time. I love these videos, as I get a lot of those or similar comments. My favourite one is : "just leave it behind you and be positive! I don't want to see you like this" (when I'm not feeling well)

[@the_5th_night]

Those conditions can be considered disabilities.

[@jenniferhergert4447]

@@the_5th_night I know, but I don't use that label. I could apply to be considered disabled in my country, and as long as I can go on without it, I won't apply for it.

[@Stettafire]

@@the_5th_night It's a personal choice if you choose to call yourself that. Calling someone disabled when they don't see them selves that way can be pretty hurtful.

[@the_5th_night]

@@Stettafire yes. I didn’t call her disabled, I just mentioned that she could be considered disabled if she wanted it. I know there are people who don’t think mental health conditions are disabilities. But if someone doesn’t feel they have a disability, they aren’t disabled and that’s valid.

[@bandersnatchcucumberpatch]

The thing I'm most tired of is " I did it, you can too" uhh, no I can't? Thats the whole point of me saying I'm struggling?

[@random23287]

I think I have been ableist unknowingly before, but your channel has helped me a lot with that!

[@elliel4736]

Sane.

[@dado__]

Good for you! I'm glad you can realize what you've done wrong in the past and improve!

[@lindatannock]

Currently my biggest bugbear is the "it's only old and disabled/sick people that die from Covid!" ONLY?!! It usually sends me off on a tirade on twitter, so I'm trying to avoid twitter as much as I can lol. Ps. I'll be posting this video to my twitter and FB 😉. It's magnificent! 👏🏻👍🏻

[@ichbin296]

Praying for Jessica out of spite now. Not because she's disabled but for her to always keep her snark. You can't tell me what to doooooo

[@ja5zyt.501]

"In the dark"is such a good show. It follow a blind women trying to solve crime and face the ableism of people not believing her the actress isn't blind but another important character is

[@iw9472]

I have a personality disorder, a self-harm addiction and chronic pain. Some people tell me "But don't hurt yourself! That's bad!" Oh geez I didn't know, thank you. I do yoga, I eat as healthy as I can, that doesn't fix my chronic pain, my disorder, or anything else...it just helps. And it doesn't help everyone.

[@aceanimations3214]

"and some of their life's are ✨ truly inspirational ✨" Oh lord

[@gamehero6816]

Great, my entire family is disabled, so we could just cure depression by standing on the sidewalk like statues,

[@ukbtsarmy4725]

As an Autistic young Adult, YES JUST THIS.

[@aceanimations3214]

@@ukbtsarmy4725 ace aro 👀

[@fabianshedenhelm2986]

Honestly the "Disabled friend " one is literally my mom. She brings up my disability to everyone.

[@ukbtsarmy4725]

Ikr, she talks abt me being Autistic as tho it's a rlly bad personality trait that has hurt me or made me appear frail or smthg to the world. Gosh, I'm a 20 yr young adult in full time further education, my teachers think she is cringey af when I brought up I didn't like how she treats me and they told me they could see how uncomfortable I was from a mile off, also half my teachers are Neurodivergent so they relate to that level of being uncomfortable by a family member's Ableism.

[@emilyouimette2668]

same

[@anikaphillips1372]

The cringe of "I hope you get well soon" when you are likely never going to be well.

[@PirateQueen1720]

4:03 - Thanks for pointing this one out! I worry sometimes that I may not be expressing sufficient sympathy (even if I'm FEELING sympathy) or may not be being comforting enough in situations that call for it. It is good to be reminded that over-expressing sympathy where it ISN'T needed can be a problem too.

[@maddykrantz]

I have ADHD and I have gotten rude comments about my school work and my messy room. Also, people will tell me “your music is really good for a kid with ADHD” and it bugs me that they HAD to add the “for a person with ADHD” part.

[@eveescastle5866]

Also while we are here, mental disability is a thing, and just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I may look fine in public but it takes a lot out of me mentally, and depending on what I'm doing might come home and just lay in bed for the rest of the day because I'm tired. So don't get mad at me when I can't just get up and do things.

[@discountedartificer250]

Hmm yes I have seen 2 different types of ableism: 1. Regular ableism where they have the mindset of pull yourself up, and 2. That type of ableism where they treat you like a child or lesser than what you are in personality, I treat them both the same

[@katieamos2044]

As someone who's had to sleep in a separate room to their husband this entire pandemic, I'm forwarding this to everyone I see say "covid just causes the flu" #vulnerabledoesn'tmeaninvaluable

[@serobinson1]

People who don’t deal with it or havent had experience with disabilities don’t have any idea how important it can be to have a “ label” here in the USA it can be very hard to get therapy and care for problems without them . This list is great! People don’t always mean to be rude but can be very hurtful

[@itme999]

4:04 I relate in a different way. Both of my parents are dead, and when people find this out, there's often a Huge Display of Sympathy. When, like, it's just a fact of my life? It happened years ago, and it's my new normal, not a gaping wound of sad. And sometimes it feels like I'm having to coddle their feelings about my dead parents. 🤦 Thank you for including this in your list; I'd never considered that having that reaction to disability wouldn't feel any better. Also appreciate the list of shows and movies with disabilities! ♥️