Things that scare me about being a disabled parent [CC]

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[@hazenoliver9217]

Babies exposed to sign will go through the normal babble stage but in sign and it's so cute.

[@notsafeformiranda4271]

Thats so cute oh my god

[@EnaGoba]

omg I had no idea about this, it sounds Adorable!!

[@Bangsy3000]

AWWW

[@pipitameruje]

Yes. I have an acquaintance my own age (28) with Down Syndrome. He never really became verbal, but he picked up Sign Language. He has a brother 3 years younger who was about one when the parents started learning and teaching sign language, so the kid picked up both sign and spoken language, at the same, and is the most fluent 'signner' of the house. It's just like being raised bilingual.

[@ericagreene1579]

That is so cute!

[@user-em3vg6ui4g]

General reminder to Jessica that there is ZERO pressure to post anything or stick to the once a fortnight schedule. We all know you have to put your Health first :)

Yes! In fact, not to be "easy" (although it's the best to do in life), but I think one vídeo per week is actually perfect!

[@rosalyngummer6587]

@ a fortnight is 2 weeks

@@rosalyngummer6587 ohh! Interesting but off term for it.. hahaha thanks x

In this case one video per two weeks is very sensible, truly!

[@topsyturvy1097]

@ ??? Fortnight is a common term. How have you never stumbled upon it?

[@RheannaRae1]

Make an email address for baby. It's super easy to pop off an email to your future child to tell them about that cool thing they did, send photos, news articles. I'm going to give my daughter her password on her 18th birthday.

[@velvetvixen1865]

That's such a fun, thoughtful idea!

[@lulumoon6942]

Love this! 👍

[@cristinaferigioni1624]

This is the sweetest idea I’ve ever heard ❤️💙

[@sliceofbread6929]

What a cool idea! Might steal this 😂

[@basill2589]

This is really cute. Although I can just imagine being ~15 and making a professional email and your name annoyingly being taken, cue three years later...

[@rattatatter]

Don’t feel too bad if you need to use a “child leash”. My mum apparently used one for me when I was little because I had a tendency to wonder off and it was just the safest option in some situations. I don’t even remember it so it’s probably not that traumatizing.

[@s.7141]

my parents did the same for my brother! we just couldn't trust him to not wander off anywhere to find rocks or chase birds haha mostly in large public places like amusement parks, zoos, museums, etc.

[@MissSweetie]

yeah i think if my parents used child leashes on me when i was a baby they wouldn't have stories of me wandering off to drink from puddles when they would get distracted for two seconds. My immunity system is great though, so there's that. Still, they could have prevented it using a child leash :v

[@Aud-Rey38]

Yeah my mom did the same for my little brother because he would just run off. She got nasty comments from some family members but she never cared. She was like "ill gladly take him off the leash if you watch over him at all times". Crickets.

[@KougajiCalling]

I had one too... They're not that bad... Honestly, my parents should have used it longer than they did... I was really good at wondering off... Which was bad.

[@Emzybobs]

I used one for my now 5 year old because he'd start running and wouldn't stop otherwise.

[@Tb40556]

Jessica: “The baby is combing in 10 weeks.” 10-week-premature me: “....in theory.” 😂

[@treason6661]

I feel this in my soul! I was born at 27 weeks! 😅

[@oliviamoore2849]

@@treason6661 wow that’s really early

[@madelynndodds]

I was born at 24 weeks.

[@samanthab3292]

Aaaaaaaany time now!

[@JaytheFox9]

@@madelynndodds Same

[@mayarosche954]

I was researching aids for parents with hard of hearing during a class the other day and I found out that skme companys make vibrating necklaces and bracelets for mothers that attach to the baby monitors so they can feel when their baby is crying. Obviously I immediately thought of my favourite couple and was so excited to share this with you! If you haven't already heard of this that is.

[@mewmew6158]

So interesting! Thanks for sharing💛

[@NowTheDreamsWontDo]

I was just thinking that something exactly like this would have to exist. And even if it didn't, there must be ones where the lights start flickering or something similar. Problem is I'm not sure if that would be sufficient/suitable for Jessica. Vibrations would be better I think.

[@beatm6948]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Lots of alarms use blinking lights or vibration to wake you up, so I'm sure it could be adjusted

[@starsinleaves3671]

+

[@abbypullen9499]

In case she doesn't see this, putting this on Jessica's facebook/insta threads relating to baby monitors might be a good idea :)

[@sortathesame8701]

You said something about keeping your house quiet when you bring the baby home...my suggestion is DO NOT DO THAT! lol Speak in normal tones, run the vacuum, play music! If you keep the house quiet during your babies early weeks at home, you will most likely find it far more difficult to get them to sleep through the night. Every baby is different, but every baby also heard it's parents voices and daily bodily noises, household noises, workplace noises, dogs barking, etc. when inside it's mother's body and that is what they are used to, not silence...which would be very strange and uncomfortable for a newborn so they start out sleeping lighter and startling when they do hear a noise.

[@PfEMP]

@Sunflowers Unfathomable yeah they wouldn't be able to hear a dog from a distance haha. The mum's heartbeat is super loud, like a vacuum cleaner itself

[@stephanierivero4078]

I'm a foster parent so my preparing for a new born usually happens in 30 minutes before I have to go pick one up in a parking lot. You get judged way more by people when someone asks you at the grocery store what your baby's name is and you respond with, "I don't know, he didn't come with paperwork. I'll probably find out tomorrow.". Or the lunch lady makes a remark that only one of your adopted sons looks like you, so the other must look like his father. Then you respond with, "I don't know, neither of us has ever met him." 😂 People have their own personal blinders on based on their own experiences. Judgement is going to happen, just have fun with it and get some cool parent friends that can relate. 💗

[@PonderingStudent]

I honestly can't imagine how hard it must be to do what you do. Taking a baby with that little warning or preparation time sounds extraordinarily daunting. Do they really drop a baby off with you without even telling you their name? Thank you for being a foster parent, its something so few people can do, but is needed so badly.

[@katharineshade9550]

I can imagine that your attitude is one thing that helps you deal with the challenges of fostering, I love the concept of 'have fun with it'! Thank you for the amazing work you do, I can't imagine how you do what you do.

[@loretta2539]

My family and I foster. Most of the kids we foster are Native American (we are a Native American family) so that was always a good thing because every kid we foster look Native so we hardly explain anything because we all looked aliked. Plus you dont have to explain yourself, its non of their business to know about your life or the kids life, as long as you are giving them the home and loving they need its all good 🙂

[@loretta2539]

@@PonderingStudent yes, a few times my family and I gotten calls at 3, 5 in the morning to pick up a freshly new born baby who's mother gave up due to drugs. My family actually adopted my cousin who we got as a foster baby because my uncle and his girlfriend (her mom) were meth users and alcoholics. It does happen and its always hard to say no, they will call you even when your house is full of foster kids.

[@lsmmoore1]

About kids running away - my mom used to play a "Stop Stop Go" game with me when I was really little. Where, when I was out with her, she would sometimes play a game in which, when she says "Stop" I stop, and then I stand in the same area until she says "Go", at which point I take off running again. And so on and so forth. My mom did this because she herself was disabled (weakened by polio) and she had reason to worry about me wandering off, but she also wanted me to have freedom. So she played that game to teach me to know to stop when she said, so that I wouldn't just run off into the street but could still run around when outside - safely. And when I was old enough to know better, I didn't need that game anymore.

[@thepip3599]

Sneaky!

[@lulumoon6942]

Brilliant 👍

[@jadeauburn9220]

What a great idea!

[@opalfishsparklequasar8663]

Fantastic mom! 💖

[@mellie4174]

Brilliant! Just goes to show how training a child solved so many problems rather than considering them too immature to be trainable!

[@kmes8989]

From a retired teacher: All parents can be assured that, from a child's point of view, the family at home is the normal one, the baseline, the way it's supposed to be. Once the child is old enough to perceive differences, everyone else's family becomes a bit odd and curious. I hope you find this comforting!

[@swhat9203]

Sometimes for the worst :( Ps: I'm not talking about disabled parents, but abusive ones and my own experience.

[@kmes8989]

@@swhat9203 You are so right. That's exactly why it's so difficult for professionals to intervene. I am so sorry for your trauma, and hope you've sought help.

[@eliscanfield3913]

You mean most kids don't have a blind dad? Not sure mine have noticed this yet.

[@kmes8989]

@@eliscanfield3913 Exactly,!

[@tatiana4050]

@@eliscanfield3913 and even whith alt and tattooed parents, only at certain age kids realise that apparently most don't consider it normal.

[@lagritsalammas]

As someone whose grandparents are both deaf (and no grandparents on my mum's side), I remember it being a shock finding out other people's grandparents could, in fact, hear. In other words, to your child(ren) you will be as normal as anything else they've ever encountered, and they'll be more surprised by other grown-ups not being like their two mommies.

[@hopeandpray1]

I was horrified by the thought of children in reins until my mother explained that I actually had much more freedom with them as it meant my mother could bring me out places that she wouldn’t have been able to if she was concerned about me running off. Otherwise she couldn’t bring me out without another adult until I was old enough to to be a little more trustworthy!

[@robokill387]

It's bizarre that you're horrified by children in reins, it's been completely normal in Europe, including the UK for literal millennia.

[@hannahrose2862]

Yeah, I used to be horrified too but my mum explained it gives them a whole lot more freedom than a pushchair or a sling or even holding hands, but still makes sure they don't run into oncoming traffic.

[@freshoutofcrabs]

Having been the kind of child that wandered off and having had a pretty traumatizing situation of getting lost at a public event in which my mom needed to get police help to find me, I am very much a proponent of child leashes.

[@nevathomas6901]

If people are judging her about having a child they don't deserve her friendship

[@lesbiangoddess290]

Absolutely.

[@iciajay6891]

Exactly. As able body ppl could become disabled any time after having a child. If you would not shame them, do not shame those who have lived with these things for years, decades. As a disabled person myself, I belive fellow disabled ppl make great parents. As we are all great with adaption, knowing our limits and pay attention to everything. So we don't injure ourselves.

[@robyn2124]

Agreed. Amen to that.

[@ArtemisScribe]

@@iciajay6891 exactly, in fact everyone is going to be disabled at some point in their life. One of the reasons why childfree people get told they should have children is "well who is going to look after you in your old age?" i.e. when you are disabled. It's insane that abled people are allowed to openly say they're having a child because they plan on this kid being their carer one day but disabled people who already have a support system in place for themselves are called selfish for wanting to have a child.

[@ixykix]

It's definitely a worry for many disabled people, I have to admit I worried i'd be judged. I'd unfortunately get the "you're SO inspirational!" from some and occasionally others would ask whose baby she was!

[@haiiibugz7190]

My Mom has EDS + some other health conditions, and she’s a great mother. She taught my siblings and I all about different illnesses, disabilities, etc. growing up that most people didn’t know about. Now we’re all interested in pursuing a career in the medical field and I think it’s cause of her. Disabilities don’t define you as a person so they won’t define you as a Mom. You’ll be great. Your child is lucky to have such loving Moms.

[@Ella-nn8qs]

What a wonderful comment. Thank you for commenting this. I want a child in the future (I had eds and a handful of other chronic conditions) and your comment was so reassuring. Your Mum sounds like a wonderful person.

[@jessicalindmark]

Thank you so much for this answer. It actually made me cry.. As a disabled mom you are always questoning yourself and the wellbeeing of your children. Am I giving them a good childhood? What do I have to offer? Again, thank you so much ❤

[@haiiibugz7190]

@@Ella-nn8qs she’s is, and you’ll be a wonderful Mom too. I’m happy my comment could bring you some reassurance ❤️

[@lost2darkness]

Ive recently gotten diagnosed with hEDS and I really appreciate this comment thank you.

[@ZairaBandy]

but definitely she is going to have some struggles with being a caregiver for her child

[@ToneBreistrand]

Your worries are all valid! My mom has been disabled my whole life. She has arthritis, and she’s told me after I became an adult that she was constantly worried I’d be embarrassed about her for having a limp, different looking hands etc. I literally never thought about it as it was my normal, and that was just what my mom was like. Growing up with a disabled parent has taught me so much about compassion, patience, understanding and caring for others, and has made me a very considerate person. There are lots of things your baby will learn that kids with able bodied parents won’t, and they’re valuable lessons :)

[@dragoncurveenthusiast]

This is beautiful. Thank you!

[@wizzyweb99]

I'm disabled (EDS) and I don't think I want kids, but reading this comment section full of positivity and support etc makes me feel like if I ever changed my mind it would be okay. Thank you lovely people 🥰

[@lulumoon6942]

❤️

[@DawnOKane]

👍🙏

[@kellyl13]

I'm also disabled (Bruck Syndrome: a rare genetic bone disorder kinda like OI that has affected my vertebrae enough to give me a spinal cord injury; I use a power wheelchair) and also don't want children, but I fully support anyone who wants to have a baby, and I hope one day, we can get past the stigma of disabled parents.

[@TheFracturedfuture]

Having kids when you are disabled is messed up, one because the children will probably end up disabled in the future and second because you won't be able to properly care for them.

[@kimpedersen5708]

@@TheFracturedfuture well that's rude and also not completely true. not all disabilities are genetic. eds is, but it doesnt mean your child will 100% have it. parents with disabilities are actually just as great parents. they can properly care for them.

[@idunno966]

"there's a lot of fainting" how appropriate to the vintage aesthetic

[@corneliastreet2491]

That was my first thought and I felt so bad about it 😅

[@tylerphuoc2653]

@@OpalBLeigh But... properly boned and shaped corsets don't *do* that to a person.

[@charley_warlzz]

@@tylerphuoc2653 yeah, but deliberately using your corset to make you faint is why it’s a vintage thing, I think that’s what they’re referring to

[@lijiasmine]

Many abled people don’t “plan” to have a baby. Your planning shows how prepared and mature you are to welcome this new life.

[@cheesecakelasagna]

This!

[@Rachel-dx9kb]

It’s very classy to call them “reins”. We call it a leash in Canada. 😂

[@Kyiecutie]

Kiddy leash!

[@jocelynprier9115]

A note about kid leashes and people who hate them, I was a kid who absolutely, 100% unconditionally needed one. Why, you may ask? Because I would dislocate my own elbow if my parents just held my hand to stop me from running off. I did it twice before they got me a leash. They're not so bad, and are actually really useful if you need to keep your kid from running off and they just won't stay content holding your hand. I know they might look bad but they have their uses

[@DEARPEDAGOGY]

@@jocelynprier9115 Your poor elbow... 😭😭😭

[@jocelynprier9115]

@@DEARPEDAGOGY yeah, I'm an adult now and it turns out I have a hypermobile joint disorder, possibly hEDS...no wonder it was so easy for little me to mess up my elbows so badly

[@Kyiecutie]

@@jocelynprier9115 this is a very, very good example of a good use of a kid leash. I’m pretty sure my mom had one for me and I got one after she lost me in the mall of America. Twice. I did not enjoy being lost there.

[@sohv1s]

You could train your dogs to tell if your baby is crying. They could either come and call for attention or bark, whichever is more suitable for their personality.

[@aquabluerose7734]

Ooh that sounds like a good idea! Sort of like a service dog but just for the baby.

[@mabelpines2060]

*official ✨we still (kindly) ask to see all the baby clothes ✨ button (the second)* ⬇️💕

[@lereloleloshakirashakira7710]

Definitely. Jessica please give us the video with all the baby clothes

[@aditilakshmi5724]

Yes!!!

[@Poppy-]

Baby wardrobe tour!

[@mabelpines2060]

@@lereloleloshakirashakira7710 Yes! Also I love your profile pic!

[@lereloleloshakirashakira7710]

@@mabelpines2060 thanks lmao

[@donnaturnbull1190]

Your baby will communicate with you long before they are 5 months old. The first time they make eye contact, recognize you, smile at you all forms of communication that will make your heart just burst with love.

[@HolaSoyJillian]

💖💖💖 spot-on comment!

[@wenharas1]

When our daughter was little we didn’t use baby signs, we were encouraged to use “correct” signs. It didn’t matter if she had perfect hand shapes, it was about surrounding her with accurate signs. And BTW, there is nothing sweeter than seeing your baby sign in her sleep. 🥰

[@elfrog98]

As an ADHD parent, forgetting the moments can be pretty normal. That's what pictures are for 😊

[@angiegriffiss-williams8714]

I was very anti-reins (also pretty Montessori), until I had my third autistic child, who has no impulse control, was not capable of learning impulse control, and has sensory issues around touch/holding hands. He's 6 now, and we have a pushchair and full harness reins (a waistcoat with leg straps and reins attached) - both of which I am frequently judged for. I didn't use a pushchair at all for my first two children - they were both sling babies. The point is, every child is different, and as long as you do what's right for them, you can't really go wrong. For my son reins give him a level of freedom he just couldn't otherwise have. The only thing I would say is to be open to all solutions that work for your child. It took me a long time to get past the "shame" of using reins and having an older child in a pushchair, but in the end, I just had to do what worked for him and gave him the best quality of life.

[@bekah728]

My father had a massive stroke when I was 18 months old. He was completely paralyzed on his right side and he couldn't speak or read or walk. But he was my daddy. He was no different to me. I grew up being his right hand and translating his thoughts and feelings into words when he couldn't and that made me so much closer to him than I might have been otherwise. I cherish that. He was perfection to me.

[@2011songlover]

This brought tears to my eyes, what a lucky man to have such a child!!

[@joannacardoso1115]

“He was perfection to me” so beautiful 🥺

[@clover0048]

Was? 🥺

[@bekah728]

@@clover0048Im meaning when I was a child. I'm still Daddy's girl but I'm also now an adult and I know nothing is perfect.

[@MissSweetie]

that's so wholesome I am crying, so adorable

[@_TheRoseCrow]

The nursery looks amazing!! So does that dress.

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Why thank you 😊

[@lesbiangoddess290]

Was going to say the same

[@Peanut1287]

My thoughts as well. Is that wallpaper or a mural?

[@user-wi2vn7cu4w]

They are in a perfect harmony!

[@cassiehunt2686]

Overalls on toddlers are both adorable and somewhat useful handles. Also I find many toddlers have cues that they’re about to speed off.

[@aki3128]

I don't know why youtube recommended this to me as I am not disabled nor have any interest in being a parent, but I must say this was a very informative and heartwarming video. Honestly, from the amount of thought and research you already put into it, and the fact you seem to have a great grasp of your limits and when to ask for help, I'm sure you'll be a great mother to the oncoming child. I wish you and your wife the best of luck

[@alyssawaked9313]

As a child of a disabled parent, I hope it’s reassuring to hear that whatever you choose to do while raising your child is normal to them. I never thought of my dad as disabled in any way, I just thought everyone did things differently. I never felt left out or felt like we couldn’t do certain things together, I just knew sometimes we made adjustments to do them! My dad has said having a baby as a disabled person is a scary thing to do- but having those fears will hopefully help you prepare yourself however you need to. Now that I’m an adult and am slowly being diagnosed with my own disabilities and medical issues I’ve thought about what my partner and I would do when we plan to have a baby in the future and talking with him has been so helpful, along with speaking to a support group of other people with similar disabilities!

[@violetskies14]

That's really comforting! I have two much younger brothers I help look after and would like to have my own kids someday and I kinda worry I'm traumatising them in a way because I have chronic pain and it's very difficult sometimes to cope when my pain is very bad and I cry out or start crying (not that they seem traumatised the older one wants to help look after me and tells my mum no I'm going to take off her socks or I'm going to get her blanket and hold my hand and things and the little one is too young to notice). Though your situation wasn't the same it's nice to hear that you didn't think of anything with your dad as weird or out of the ordinary.

[@loveland852]

The “hands on the car” trick isn’t just for disabled parents. Growing up, my best friend was part of a HUGE family. The back/rear of their car had stickers with different colored hand outlines. When a parent took them out of the car/as they waited to get into the car, each kid put their hand on their color-coded hand sticker. It was just part of their routine and the older kids were great about making sure the little kids were following the “rule” as well. To this day, I still think that was a genius solution on the parents’ part!

[@FennecTheRabbit]

I remember seeing those stickers advertised somewhere a few years ago and thinking it was clever.

[@ladyAbi1]

I also use it with my children! (I'm a teacher) the first in line has a hand sticker but the others have to choose a color every day, during circle time, and place themselves on top of some shoe prints with the color they have chosen when they have to make a train to leave somewhere (to don't forget the color, the sticker they have chosen that day, they place it on their photo in the circle time chart)

[@jenroses]

With an eldest child there's a window of non-compliance though where they learn. I had to catch my niece by the hood once as she took off across a parking lot because she didn't yet know the rule.

[@rebeccasabin480]

We also had a version of this, even among my parents friends group. If any parent called out “Assume the position!” we would all scramble to put both hands either on the vehicle or the nearest wall (so it was useful in multiple scenarios/situations). I say scramble because they used positive reinforcement to make it fun. Sometimes the first person in position would get to pick their seat or the music, other times it was a little treat like a Hershey’s Kiss.

[@JasenWilson]

I have my sisters stand on the yellow lines that mark the spot, since they only go out so far, and I don't end up with hand prints on my car 😅

[@TheUhaya]

This thing about other parents judging Jessica for choosing to be a parent while disabled makes me so mad. Like, so many people are not mentally or emotionally capable of raising children and society lets it slide while Jessica is an emotionally stable, accepting, kind and caring person who puts a lot of effort into becoming a good parent for a child but her disabilities apparently give others a right to judge her, argh

[@MissSweetie]

Some people are blind to their own flaws. What is a physically capable parent when they are unable to make their children mentally and emotionally safe? I think that what kids needs the most is someone who tries to be there for them and are patient and kind to them, not someone who can carry them but does not care. r/insaneparents prove that

[@MDev1997]

I AGREE.

[@mmybickers]

Sadly this is SUPER common -- and so much worse and openly eugenics-icky if they are birthing the child. (As Jessica touched on briefly as NOT having to worry about.) My one friend lost a good handful of friends because they questioned her decision to have children -- who are both lovely teenagers now -- even though she, like Jessica, has a super supportive able bodied partner. Reproductive justice means respecting the rights of disabled parents, too.

[@nygirlinancworld1628]

People are ignorant. Disabled parents can be amazing parents. I have a 4 year old and I’m Disabled (spinal cord injury). I take care of my son full time while my husband is at work. I wish people would educate themselves on disabilities before judging.

[@mellie4174]

@@mmybickers sadly the covid-19 has pushed a certain level of tolerance for eugenics type thinking as acceptable in the public mind. Sadly the gov has done nothing to he lp what with thier stupid rhetoric about covid-19 not being that serious as it only kills the old and the infirm! Like what!? So the old and we the chronically ill or disabled have no right to live and pursue happiness and the able bodied don't have ro to wear masks or social distance because it annoys them and they only have the ultimate right to live!? Ummmm Hitler much? And scarier yet, if you confront them about thier belief in this idea they arz either too ignorant to see it or willfully ignorant because they don't want to! As a chronically ill person who can't work, this scares the hell out of me!

[@poplillyp]

As an autistic person who has always wanted children more than anything and is at that point in my life where I'm starting to plan for parenthood the idea of the noises *almost* makes me scared enough to consider not doing it. I have 6 younger siblings who are loud and the amount of sound in that house just renders me useless and it's genuinely so painful when the noises are really bad. I worry that I will be constantly suffering like that in my own house it's so scary.

[@nejdalej]

I know the feeling. I've been getting really bad baby blues but I know that I'm not ready for the actual parenthood thing x

[@Bringon-dw8dx]

Yeah babies and kids make a lot of noises and it’s not really something you can change (unless you wear noise cancelling headphones, but then that’s dangerous if you aren’t practiced at navigating the world without hearing) Also you can’t really predict temperament. Some babies hardly cry but there are many that cry constantly day and night for hours at a time (proper shrieking cries). So I guess you would need to plan for the worst, hope for the best

[@madeline8439]

i’m autistic & wanting to be a mom and i have not even thought about that 😅 heres what i think: six is a lot more than one. your baby will not be That loud. it also depends on how well you take care of your child- if u tend to them as they need then they won’t carry on crying for too long. and she may not be much of a crier anyway. also, i think it wouldn’t be an issue to wear ear defenders when you’re actually taking care of the baby like rocking to sleep or changing diaper or something

[@pinkdoobie]

I had kids before I realized I was autistic, and sound is a problem for me. Yes, the noise will be an issue, but it is largely manageable. If I need a break from the noise, I tag my husband in. It also helps when they get old enough for play dates because they need less direct supervision than they do when they’re alone. (Ditto for when you have a second child and they are old enough to play together only loosely supervised, though it’s much harder until then.) Also, keep in mind that you don’t need to have so many kids, and you can also space them out so that the older ones are old enough to respect your sensory issues (age 4 or 5) by the time there’s a new baby.

[@ellibean5937]

As an autistic parent of just one child who makes plenty of noise, it's a problem for me all the time. I could never do this on my own. I shut down and have to tap out far too often.

[@kristamccardle1819]

My disabled mother raised my 2 sisters and I, all within 5 years of each other, all on her own. My sister is also autistic, which presented many challenges. My mom is partially paralyzed with multiple seizure disorders as a result of a childhood stroke. While there were times she struggled, we were always safe and cared for either by her or family. While it made things difficult at times, and we were not always able to experience as much as the average family, she still is the most amazing person I have ever known. You can always tell when someone will be an amazing parent, regardless of the situation, and i’m certain you two will be fabulous moms ❤️

[@SoCalCaitlin14]

My father had degenerative disk disease so he was disabled my whole life. He couldn’t do many strenuous activities but he made ways to still take care of me and have fun with me. He rode a three wheeled bike while I rode my own next to him. He lightly gardened with me. And we watched a lot of Star Wars and home improvement shows together.And to this day those are my favorite activities. I would have never changed a thing about him. Loved him just the way he was. Your child will adore you and your wife. Congratulations you two ♥️ you got this!

[@snubblebubble4937]

On the subject of hearing your baby, there are organizations that will train your dog to be a hearing assistance dog. This is a much easier process than training other types of service dogs, and in most cases they can train a dog that you already have. You may be able to have one of your dogs trained to alert you to your crying baby!

[@CatBarefield]

Ok that’s just too much for my little heart 😭 how adorable is that

[@mookinbabysealfurmittens]

That's amazing! Thank you for sharing one heck of a tip! And just a really awesome & sweet thing. ♡

[@molloblin]

A teacher I had in high school had a hearing assistance dog that she brought with her to class - he was a foster-fail that was middle aged when she adopted/trained him. It’s definitely possible and could be a really good option for them!

[@ryuuishii2070]

@@carisoul2180 That depends. if the dog is only going to task in the house then the dog technically doesn't need to be perfect like for public access. IF she plans to bring the dog out into the public then yes all the big SD stuff becomes problematic, but from what I've understood she would like it for at night at the house. but I could be incorrect, and you may be correct. I'm not personally sure as I don't have a hearing assistance dog nor do I have the same issues that she does. I'm only batting around what I know and have understood from watching her video.

[@Reicha]

@@erssiemajor8010 It differs, there are international rules and then every service-dog-training-group interprets those and makes their own. The age thing isn't international level. Most of the groups in Sweden had very tough rules, about both age and the physical shape of the dog. But I have Aspergers, my dog doesn't need flawless hips and be young to help me interact better with the world. They just need to be there and be able to read me. Thankfully I found an organization that didn't have those strict rules, but are still very much authorized to train and license dogs and owners by the international organization. I'm sure you can find a more lenient group like that in most countries! Or, I hope so.

[@mabsie2249]

My mum was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis right after having my little brother. She’s had chronic fatigue my entire life, and she raised us pretty much alone as my dad’s work kept him away a lot. She had to send us to daycare when we were toddlers because three little ones that could run were a lot of work, and it wasn’t because she was working, she just needed to rest. Then she was further diagnosed with lupus, Sjogren’s, autoimmune hepatitis and diabetes. When we were teens she moved across the continent to go to uni with us three in tow while our dad stayed behind to work. Despite all of her struggles with illness, disability, workload and doing everything by herself, she’s always been a great mum, and I think you’re going to be great too.

[@turtle4llama]

Babies things are high contrast because it helps with their ocular development. They can't see subtle variations in color. The high contrast gives them something they can actually distinguish and helps them learn to focus on things.

[@thiswildelifex]

High contrast can be one coloured toy on a neutral background, or black and white though! It doesn't have to be crazy colours 😊

[@HekatieSquires]

@@thiswildelifex yeah I’m studying illustration atm, and books for babies are increasingly being designed in black and white, because it’s harder for them to see differences in colour, but there’s also a debate of the more vibrant colours the child sees the better their colour vision will develop 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@thiswildelifex]

@@HekatieSquires yes most baby books for younger babies are black and white!! You can show infants/toddlers bright colours in fruit, the world around them, books etc. Crazy coloured bedding/furniture/toys aren't necessary for a child's development or colour vision to thrive 😊

[@thiswildelifex]

@@HekatieSquires it must be really interesting learning about those things in relation to illustration!! I've learnt about it from a child education viewpoint and it's interesting to see where else it comes into play!

[@mellie4174]

@@HekatieSquires i have to say that I doubt it. For most of human history babies didn't have access to toys or brightly colored toys and our evolutionary genes for color sight is just fine and has not improved with the development of the crazy colored children's toy industry. The baby will be fine with neutrals and black and white. Infants search to focus in faces anyway more than objets

[@fimbulsummer]

My dear Jessica I am a disabled, single mum. I carried the baby for nine months, and my health declined. I ended the pregnancy in a wheelchair then a lot of very bad health stuff happened, my relationship became abusive and I became a single mum when my daughter was 7 months old. I had to move back in with my parents and adult sister and we’re doing well now, especially as my mobility is declining, even though I’m only 43. I know our situations are different, but here’s some of my experiences: Do what is easiest for you (and f*** what anybody else thinks). I used a toddler lead because my daughter could run faster than me and she couldn’t barely talk. It keeps them safe. Your kid’s safety over anyone’s feefees. It’s fine to change your mind once you’re in the thick of it everyday. You thought it would work one way, it didn’t, change it up and don’t look back. I bought all the cloth nappies, big washing machine, cloth wipes because I hate landfill. Guess what? Ended up not being able to do it as my health was too bad. That one still smarts a bit but hey, when there’s no more spoons to give, there’s no more spoons. Take ALL the help offered. Don’t be proud - take it to help Claudia. Get groceries, instant meals delivered etc, even though I think it’s a bit of a disability tax. Expect the discombobulation to last longer than three months. Lastly, remember that there’s more to parenting than just the physical stuff. Think about in five years time - Claudia can help them climb the jungle gym and you can do the bedtime put down (reading a book and sitting there and holding hands until they go to sleep). There’s always so much physically AND mentally to do. Remember: whatever is worrying you about them, it’s a phase. And it ALWAYS gets easier, I promise. ♥️♥️👸👸♥️♥️

[@SaiSai-rs9hf]

This, a thousand times.

[@victoriadiesattheend.8478]

Accepting help!!! This is huge. My whole life, I was always the "I got it" person. I became an "I got it" mother. And so when I developed post partum depression and became afraid to even take my new baby outside bc I thought something would happen to him, I just kept going and didnt ask for help. I'm *still* trying to recover from the strain of the first six years of my son's life. Ask for help.

[@cathealey4648]

I gotta write this down before I forget- my ASL teacher (who's Deaf with a Deaf partner and 4 hearing kids) strongly recommends using proper signs with children like you'd use proper English, then responding to however they sign. Then they can adapt as they need to, but they have the model of proper language and don't need to re-learn the signs later on.

[@corneliastreet2491]

Yeah, it’s about you using the proper signs and being able to interpret what their signs in response mean. You keep using the proper signs until they learn to do them correctly with full motor function.

[@ang_131]

That makes total sense if you just think for even a second about how hearing parents teach audible language. My daughter can’t say the word “open” yet, she says “oooh”. But I don’t turn around and use “ooh” instead of “open”. I speak to her in proper English but have learned to interpret her attempts at words and generally can figure out what she’s saying. I assume when signing, it would be the same. A child would be able to visually read sign language and understand it waaaay before they have the fine motor skills to duplicate it. But they’ll probably try to sign something close-ish themselves and the parent will learn to interpret that. The older they get and the more they develop, the closer they will get to the proper sign (or spoken word). My daughter’s first word was gah, for cat. 3 months later and she’s now really close to actually saying cat, more like gat right now, lol, but we’re getting there.

[@itme999]

My father had a disability. You're right, I knew from a very young age not to climb on him like a jungle gym. 😀 Edit to add: nursery is freaking adorable 😍

[@seven9028]

I have Tourettes, and I want to be a parent more than anything on this earth, but the thought that maybe my tics could someday hurt my child, keeps me up at night

[@lulumoon6942]

The fact that you care that much proves that you would make an amazing parent! Children are incredibly adaptive, and love is what matters ❤️

[@seven9028]

@@lulumoon6942 ❤️

[@jadeauburn9220]

Tics are almost never dangerous as far as I know, you'd have to have a very severe case, and even then I'm sure it is possible to learn to "redirect" the twitches. At least that's what my husband has learned to do! He has some very violent twitches and used to hit me every now and then because of them, but these days it doesn't really happen. Also if you have a typical tourette's, the severity of symptoms should vary right? So on bad days you'd have to be more mindful of certain situations but on others you could be more relaxed maybe? I don't know if this was helpful at all, but I hope everything will go well for you!

[@sams1982]

As someone who used to be pretty agoraphobic, my advice on learning to leave the house by yourself again is to build it up slowly! Can you walk to the letter box on the corner and back? Can you walk around the block while Claudia is on speaker phone talking you through it? Can you go to the park where Claudia is already waiting for you having gone ahead? And don’t forget: celebrate your victories, no matter how small they might seem to someone else! Overcoming fear is difficult and exhausting and you deserve praise and treats for dealing with it :)

[@topsyturvy1097]

Jessie is deaf, I don't know how good she is with phone calls.

[@sams1982]

@@topsyturvy1097 Good point! Perhaps messaging rather than a phone call then :)

[@oddle_doddle]

my thing was that I'd take a book and sit somewhere by myself, like a library or coffee shop, have a coffee and a pastry, somewhere it's incredibly acceptable to be on your own. It felt a lot less stressful to me when I knew there wasn't anyone specific focusing on me...

[@Speedcuber6969]

Wow! Well done on learning to over come it- that takes a lot of strength dedication and bravery which a lot of people dont understand. You are So brave!

[@Sentariana]

This is such wonderful advice. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[@lisabethkelly1269]

I’m the child of a disabled father, and at one I could run faster than him, by three he could not pick me up. What this meant was he had to negotiate with me and actually talk things through (like good parents are supposed to do anyways), rather than physically force me to do things, sometimes things took a bit longer, but it was fine. Also, my parents did use a leash on me in large crowds when I was 2-3, it actually gave me more freedom to explore because I could let go of my dad’s hand and he didn’t have to worry about me running away/getting lost. He definitely remembers getting nasty looks from people, but at the end of the day I was safe, and that’s what mattered.

[@edsayshey3314]

I was on a leash as a kid and never had issues with it. I just thought it was normal and only recently found out that people think it’s weird. My mum always felt it was a lot safer when we were out in busy places because I was very determined to be independent and not hold hands or do as I was told 😂

[@oneplate6489]

I was also on a leash as a small child whenever my family went to super busy places, like theme parks/festivals and such! I never minded, especially considering how much I wanted to run around and keep a different pace then my parents, and the fact that the leash attached with this cute monkey backpack thing and it let me store things in my own little pack and I loved that.

[@eliscanfield3913]

God bless leashes! We have 2 runners and although our legs work just fine, Spouse can't see worth a bean.

[@rabbit__]

I was the runner of my siblings. My leash had a fanny pack, I thought it was nice to have an actually good-sized pocket. B)

[@ZairaBandy]

well it looks weird. and everyone identify a leash for animals not people but I guess every family do what best for them but the nasty looks arent going away because it is not the norm to have a child on a leash.

[@BohemianShepherdesss]

Beautiful fact: from the first moments of life, babies are seeking to communicate and create relationships. So it won’t take them five months to try and communicate, they will be reaching out to connect from the moment you meet

[@dbeiler5525]

As a mom of a disabled toddler, when you mentioned asking for help, it reminded me of something wonderful my son’s therapist told me. A parents job is to love and make sure all services are in order, the therapist’s job is to provide therapy. Love and knowing your limits is imperative. Sending you all lots of love 💕

[@godsandtorrance8020]

You and Claudia are going to knock parenthood out of the park, your baby is going to be so loved and not just because that nursery looks so beautiful

[@l6318]

This is a long way off, but by the time each of us were 3, my dad had trained my sister and me to spot signs that our diabetic mom was having a low blood sugar and that we needed to get her a glass of orange juice and sit with her until she recovered. We knew our mom had some health issues that made it less possible for her to be as energetic or physically engaged as our dad, but we simply viewed them as different, not one superior to the other. Your little one is going to learn a lot about your disabilities and what role they play in helping you out, from knowing not to run away from you, how to get the assistance of another adult when needed, alerting you to dangers you don't see as easily, remembering things you may have forgotten, etc. I found helping my mom to be very empowering and I never viewed her as a "sick person," just someone who needed certain things to function a specific way. Children are very adaptable and you guys are going to do a great job.

[@CandiSnake528]

That is so awesome of your dad!

[@DEARPEDAGOGY]

@@lauslora6511 It’s selfish to sit with your mom and give her a glass of orange juice if you notice she seems faint from low blood sugar? I- ok.

[@l6318]

@@lauslora6511 Helping my mom taught me to be patient and tolerant of people's differing needs. I was also never terrified as a child that my mom was in serious danger because my parents educated me about her disease. It wasn't selfish, it was responsible.

[@livingarrows]

I'm a disabled parent and had many fears before becoming a mother. I worried about the time it would take me to put on my prosthesis before I could get up to attend to my crying baby at night (you learn that it's OK for your baby to cry an extra 30 seconds, plus I have a partner who got up if urgent), I worried about dropping my baby (never happened), and I worried about the possibility of having a child that was a runner. I stressed about the hypothetical scenarios in which my child would run away and get hurt because I couldn't run after them. I'm happy to say I was lucky to NOT get a runner or a climber. All that worry for a reality that didn't really materialise! My 3 & 5 year olds are so curious and they actually enjoy helping me with the small things, like putting on my socks or getting my shoes or my prosthesis. To them, I'm just mummy. It's still hard, but, you do adapt and also... kids go through stages. Parenting is a long journey with times when it's harder, but I think most people are just winging it honestly.

[@violetskies14]

As a disabled person with a 5 and a 1&¾ year old little brothers kids genuinely do seem to like helping out. Like if I'm struggling they want to be the one to help with my socks or take my hot water bottle to someone to get it filled up or pick up the thing I dropped. It's really cute and the older ones teacher says he's one of the most helpful and caring children she's ever taught (which made me want to cry). I do have fears about raising children full time on my own without the safety net of my parents but lots of those have been lessened by looking after them by myself more and more and realising oh yes actually I can do this.

[@chelseap2071]

I'm so glad Claudia is able to take a year off. I wish the US had paid parental leave. Our country is so cold and cruel. ☹️

[@friend_trilobot]

I learned in linguistics grad school that babies early on will "babble" with their voice AND their hands, but if their parents only communicate vocally with them they'll stop babbling with their hands; if their parents only communicate with sign language they'll stop babbling vocally; I'd wager if you do both from the start they'll pick up both around the same time, it might take a tinge longer to learn both but they'll have more linguistic knowledge combined from the two languages than a monolingual child in that same time

[@fardareismai4495]

Yes! It's so cool how that works

[@shockingheaven]

Wow, I didn't know that. It's really fascinating.

[@LouPhillips19]

it’s soo cool to see too. there’s a mute girl at the daycare my brother goes to so all the kids and babies are learning sign language and it’s just so cool to see my brother talking in both at the same time just naturally. my parents and i have also been learning so we’ll know what he’s saying but it’s just so cool.

[@marielamanriquez2697]

But it won't take longer! Babys take as many lenguages as they are exposed to at the same time usually without any complications❤️

[@friend_trilobot]

@@marielamanriquez2697 I'm only going off of what I was told by my professor in a language acquisition class about bilingual children (not necessarily babies, but im not sure) who learn two spoken languages (I assume the same applies to signing, tho) which is that it takes a little bit longer to reach the same proficiency in both languages as it does a monolingual child - but it doesnt seem to be much longer, and they can learn a huge amount in both and basically be proficient, its just a random comparison. This fact has actually been used to discourage bilingual learning, but its foolish bc the combined linguistic knowledge of both languages the child will have is typically much larger than what a monolingual child has, so they are learning more quickly, there's just more to cover. I have my degree in linguistics, but this isn't necessarily my area of expertise, just a cool fact I learned and one I was just trying to incorporate into my discussion of it.

[@dandiandi29]

There are a couple of deaf moms on Tik Tok. They have lights that flash and vibrate when baby is crying

[@Marika50]

Also most room monitors that can be put in the rooms of the child have lights on them. They flash different light depending on the noise in the room that the kid is, along with video feedback of what's going on. I know people who are not deaf who use this type of devices, but I could see the different light system depending on the noise level being potentially helpful to a deaf or partially deaf person. I know this things kinds of devices are very common in US. They are also available online on websites like Amazon.

[@obtusemushroom]

I'm a daughter of father with disabilities and I can assure you that, since I grew up with him being that way, it always felt normal to me. My parents also did a great job of explaining or normalising this like his crutches. For example: my last name translated into English means king, so we called the crutches his sceptre. Maybe this sort of playfulness can be helpful to you two to help your child grasp your different needs

[@charadreamuur7229]

That’s so sweet!!! My dad had a heart disease and had to have a pacemaker while he was alive,and we loved Marvel movies So I called him Iron Man, I think that made him really happy and more accepting of his own disabilities because Iron Man was always his favorite,he even had a custom Ringtone that sounded like Jarvis,Lol!!

[@domsnoms]

Oh hey you don’t have to make friends with other parents. You only need to have a relationship with the parents of your kids’ friends, see each other’s houses and have each other’s phone numbers and that’s it. You don’t have to leave the house much if you don’t want. Get it all delivered and stay in.

[@applejack6475]

Jessica: My wife is taking a year of maternity leave- Me, an American: *Gaged*

[@user-sw7ru6tk6e]

The fact that most americans, if they are extremely lucky, can get maybe 6 weeks of maternity leave is rediculous

[@SesshyLoverLioness]

I haven't gotten to thar point, and was thinking about how Jessica would be at home alone with baby in first year... and then wait... they are not in the USA!!!

[@Anne_303]

I only learned a couple of weeks ago that Americans only get up to MAYBE 6 weeks of leave. And I DIED. I DONT KNOW HOW AMERICANS CAN FUNCTION WITH ONLY 6 WEEKS OFF

[@emilie2667]

The most I ever known anyone to get was 20 weeks. Most women I know only got 6 😑 It’s shocking to hear how much time they get over there!

[@NaomiJameston]

@@Anne_303 What's worse is that some places will shame you for taking the entire 6 weeks off or try to get you to come in earlier. When my mom has my brother, she had to lie about his age in order to get him into daycare early so she child go back to work 2 weeks after his birth.

[@lunarose9]

My mother had spinbifida and people were amazed that I could stand still for 5 minutes while my mum got her wheelchair out and they couldn't train their own children to not run off in a crowd. You are going to be fine.

[@ld-xp7rw]

i have spin bifida too, i have a very small case so we didn’t know till we went to the chiropractor for hip pain lol

[@zetovidillard]

One of my mom's friend of over a decade is completely paralyzed from the waist down and has a 10 year old daughter who she single-handedly raised. She is one of the strongest people I know. She does literally everything she's so cool.

[@leahvangogh]

I’ve worked with children for a few years and baby things “clash” and have crazy colors so they can pick up on contrast! It also messes with me visually so it’s hard to work through a child needing that for development and making you feel sick lol

[@jackriver8385]

I don't have the disabilities you have but I'm autistic and parenting is definitely a struggle between my needs and my kids needs. And when I reach out and say it's difficult and I'm tired, I get told that "every parent is tired at the end of the day" 🙃 I am a single parent though, and you have a wonderful relationship with a caring partner, and your baby is a lot more planned than mine were! I don't doubt you'll be amazing parents ❤

[@SmillyDonut]

I'm so sorry that people aren't respectful of your needs and judge you as if you don't have extra stuff to deal with. Your struggle is valid. I want you to know that.

[@mikkijo4009]

Please have a look into young carers groups!! They offer children of disabled parents a place to go to be a child with our worrying, and gives you a way to know they’re safe and having fun with other children 💗💗 I used to go and it helped me so much!!

[@Poppy-]

I'm a single mom and I have no or rarely help. Can't imagine being in your situation. People don't get it. My health degraded, but at least my child is much older now.

[@amypieterse4127]

Just a reminder that your feelings are valid. 🤗

[@JuMixBoox]

Hey! I just wanted to tell you that you are currently inspiring me just by sharing that you are an autistic single parent! So, my respect and thanks to you! Edit: Sorry if that sounded inspiration porn-y, I didn't mean it like that. I meant for my own life, like Jessica said about the mother on the TV show.

[@Omniscient87]

"Their arrival is imminent" That makes it sound so ominous.

[@samanthab3292]

As someone with 2 kids, it very much is. 😂

[@kimboslice9196]

"Normal" parents, heavy on the quotations, have difficulty making friends with other parents. Just remember to take everything with a grain of salt and focus on you, Claudia and baby!

[@__Oscar]

This is the first video I've ever watched and you are giving off serious "Victorian era lady that rebelled against the arranged marriage and ran off with the maid to live in the forest" vibes. Don't know how else to explain it.

[@mmybickers]

No, no, not the maid; she ran off with the dashing lady doctor to live on a pastoral estate... ;)

[@noelleg3890]

i litterally love this SO much

[@Natalie-101]

I don't want to speak for jessica, but I can imagine she'd love this compliment

[@__Oscar]

@@Natalie-101 Haha I hope so

[@kudzu_]

You will never not be terrified of having a child. The night I had mine, the nurse wheeled him in, showed me how to change his diaper, and left. I was astounded. Like, for real, this is mine and you're leaving? Then they let us go home and I was like, you trust me with this?! 10 years later he's alive and well, and well-mannered, kind, and goofy. It works out. Still terrified, though.

[@eliscanfield3913]

isn't that right! I gave birth to mine and was still surprised that I was allowed to take him home, and then overwhelmed at the idea of being _responsible_ for him

[@raapyna8544]

Here in Finland I've heard there are mandatory health check-up and counceling meetings for expecting and new parents, called 'neuvola', roughly the 'advice place'. I assume the first days are still equally confusing. I haven't had children yet. I hope those meetings will help.

[@samanthab3292]

I felt the same way!! My first born was the first baby I cared for, the first diaper I changed. It's amazing how fast humans can learn when you need to 😅

[@dees3179]

A school friend of mine had a miserable time when she had a young baby as she simply couldn’t relate to the parents in the baby groups in her area. It took about six months to remember she had a lovely network of friends already and there wasn’t really much point wasting time with people she would never normally have spoken to just because they all sprogged at the same time. You have friends Jessica. Don’t force it if you don’t get on with someone new. Also, babies en masse are incredibly loud, it’s going to be really hard to have proper conversation in a baby filled room. So being selective and finding quieter environments to talk to fewer people where you’ve a better chance at communicating seems very sensible.

[@heatherrowles2580]

I have, among my MANY disabilities, social anxiety and when my daughter was small socializing with other parents terrified me until I worked out exactly what youve just said......I dont HAVE to like or become friends with all the other parents with kids the same age, just smile, nod and be polite and choose your friends as you always have. My now 24 year old is a sociable, outgoing and successful human being so I must have done ok, despite my disabilities.

[@atlroxmysox98]

"sprogged"

[@alyseandrews1066]

You are so right!

[@hideshnooka]

Oh this is so relatable. As someone who struggled with depression and would like to start a family in the near future, I worry about not being able to care for my child if I ever relapse and that the child might inherit my depression.

[@fennifer2005]

If you do Montessori please also do extra tutoring in spelling and math. I was in the school for my early childhood and then my parents discovered I was behind by years in both because I just wasn’t interested in it and the school did not enforce those subjects on me

[@aquabluerose7734]

Or whatever subject the kid is not interested in, this baby may have the same problem but with science and history or some other thing.

[@elizabethdee7590]

As far as your agoraphobia, I think it would be best to take it slow. If you go to the supermarket together, split up the list and take two carts (buggies) to find the items separately. Don't feel bad if you need to call or text Claudia while you are apart, whatever you need to do to be comfortable is okay. If you get up to the point of venturing out by yourself, it will help to have her on speakerphone so you can talk to her. Just give yourself time and be understanding that it won't be an easy process, but it is necessary.

[@fangirlhello_emblems8894]

This is such good advice! I sometimes get really bad panic attacks going out by meyself, or being somewhere new. In Aug I'm moving, so my bf is trying to help me get used to being alone. If we're out together, we'll split up for a few minutes just so I can get used to it. Or if I'm already by myself, I'll call him once I start feeling anxious. It really does help to take it slowly.

[@fangirlhello_emblems8894]

@@johndododoe1411 That's true. Maybe messaging might help more. Sometimes when my bf can't make it to the phone. I'll look over some of our photos, or read some reassuring texts, or carry a comfort/ fidget item to ease my nerves/ fears.

[@mtfan3457]

What..... You call shopping trollies buggies.... Im confused lol

[@l6318]

Thanks, I need this too!

[@auditoryeden]

@@mtfan3457 Some Americans (usually older ones) call shopping carts buggies. I think it comes from the older usage of a buggy as a little horse drawn cart. And a buggy in the baby sense is usually a stroller, or a pram if it's the bassinet style.

[@sammyleebee]

The kid leash thing is funny because I also said I would never do that. I had my son and he listened beautifully and I couldn’t understand why parents did this leash thing. Then I had my daughter.... she would dart into the street without warning for about a year or two. It was terrifying. I had to keep a hawk’s eye on her. When in crowded places I absolutely put one of those tethers on her, it was necessary. I’d rather look like one of “those” parents than to lose my daughter. So I think the answer is, you just never know, it depends on the kid.

[@dehn6581]

Similar - even within the same child, there were days where they could have the compliant mood, the runner mood, and the 'I am going to flop onto the ground, I do not care that it's a puddle with lots people going past, and not budging' mood all within an afternoon. My youngest loved his LittleLife turtle backpack with rein that he used the backpack part until he was 6 or so...

[@Napukettu]

Yeah, I'm so getting the tether since the backpacks you can get are really cute and the tether is almost not even noticeable. It's a safety thing and as soon as they learn not to dart around, they will graduate to freedom. I won't even feel bad about it because the truth is I know the child will be quicker than me and I won't be able to stop him from getting into trouble by just shouting. I'd rather be a little embarrassed over having my kid on a leash than to have a kid injured or dead.

[@maedchenausmars]

I second this. You don’t know what you’ll do until you know your kid and are in that phase. I did not ever use the leashes, but I have a son with ADHD who is always challenging us. When he was toddler he ran away several times. Once I had to ask the children’s museum staff for help because he darted through a poorly placed child sized door, and I couldn’t find him (I have three young children close in age who were all with me, so it wasn’t as simple as taking off after him). Thankfully they were able to very quickly locate him, but my heart stopped for a minute there.

[@ahhh4117]

I was that baby lmao my mother's most difficult child. I wanted to go so fast and go everywhere as far away from my parents as possible I ran into HIGHWAYS But i liked that i didn't have to grab my mom's hand and i liked my elmo leash

[@marybatsgirl]

It is really hard to remember that the child(ren) will have personality traits that haven't been "put there" by the parents.

[@queencheapo5548]

I am a disabled parent. It is challenging, but you adapt, as you have gracefully adapted to so many other challenges. Having a supportive partner is key. Sleep when the baby sleeps. My PA had tongue cancer when her kids were young. She said that children of disabled parents grow to be more empathetic adults. Hang in there, sugar. You will be great at this!

[@amandastumpff5252]

I’m a mama of 4 under the age of 6, I have Muscular Dystrophy, and am mostly bound to a motorized scooter, among weakness and other symptoms. There are really no examples of disabled motherhood. I’ve been making adaptations my whole life, and being a mama is no different. Ask for help and just do what you feel comfortable! Congrats and good luck!

[@ditzyrose700]

If you're ever worried about others thinking you're not worthy to be a parent, just remember that there are people who deliberately ignore their child's mental illness because it makes them "look bad." They need to stay in their own lane.

[@erinhowett3630]

This amazing person has been working out twice a week so that she can lift her child. That's incredible and deserves applause. You're going to be a great parent. You and Claudia will have a wonderful child.

[@MJITDGlover]

for leaving the house, start with having a coffee or diet coke on the front portch once a day :) thats how i got started. then mb take a short trip down the sidewalk, then eventually go to a park or something :)

[@waitingandlearning]

Overcoming agoraphobia takes small wins that can later become big wins. Since walking alone is still problematic, I started by taking a short car drive by myself around the block, then a drive to the corner shop for a treat and come back home. Those corner store trips gave me the confidence to do other things by myself, so now I can do a full shopping trip by myself! (So long as that's all I do in a day, lol) Whatever you decide works for you, make it something that you or Claudia know will be a win; don't go too big and set yourself up for failure, and keep it something you can do regularly.

[@GimpLover420]

Both of my aunts have FA, it has left them wheelchair users and dependent on caregivers now. They have by far outlived their diagnosis and still lead thriving lives. My Aunt Trin had two children while she was still able bodied. She raised them using a wheelchair and limited mobility. They both are kind, smart, and patient, and see the world in a different light then most of us do. As long as you love your child, and support them and listen, then you will be a stellar parent. One day at a time, yall got this

[@michelletackett9489]

Becoming a parent is always scary. The best thing you can do is admit the fear and learn how to keep it in check. Ask yourself why you are afraid and listen to your fears. They can help you be a better parent.

[@SomePersonInTheWorld]

And knowing when listening to your fears is doing more damage than good. From personal experience, two way communication will go a long way when you're making sure your child is safe/making good choices while avoiding sacrificing their independence or stepping over their boundaries. Sometimes things don't work out that perfect tho, it's okay to have bad days. I always say, as long as you kid loves you, you're doing enough.

[@michelletackett9489]

@@SomePersonInTheWorld depends on the person. Listening to my fears did me a world of good. But, it might not be for everyone.

[@hopegold883]

You’ll figure it out. No two kids are alike And parents - all different kinds- have been raising children for a long time. You’ll figure it out. Plenty of grownups around who were raised by dis/otherly baled folks. It may look different. But it’ll be just what the kid needs.

[@SomePersonInTheWorld]

@@michelletackett9489 I more mean listening to your fears over your child. It's perfectly normal to listen to fears. Its just when a guardian **only** listens to them, ignoring any issues the kid might have with what's happening, that it can get out of control. (Helicopter parenting.) As long as there's still communication, and their boundaries are being respected, it's good to hear out fears. I totally agree with you on that, I was only adding that fears also need to be communicated and acted upon thoughtfully. BUT this doesn't apply the same if it's a really serious situation; their life is at risk, they could hurt themselves, etc.

[@michelletackett9489]

@@SomePersonInTheWorld I needed to be more clear. I did not mean to make out like only listening to fear is good.

[@_andrewvia]

We need sane rational people to raise up the next generation. I'm glad you are parenting. Thank you for doing so.

[@NotALotOfColonial_SpaghettiToG]

the way jessica's voice got really down when talking about her fear of other parents judging her :(

[@millies2788]

I got ready to punch any judgemental parents

[@Andrew-pr9xv]

Being disabled, you will struggle. You'll cry. You'll worry you aren't doing enough. You'll feel weak and you'll have to fight through every day. Just like every other wonderful, loving parent. You'll both be absolutely amazing. Every time your bairn does something new, it'll make your day, and they'll be doing new things all the time. I've got severe Hemicrania Continua which, on a good day, is just like a bad headache, but most of the time it's like a migraine that hasn't stopped in 15 years. When my little girl was born, I was getting screamed at constantly by a tiny, adorable banshee and it *hurt* like mad. Then, later, she'd be burbling on my lap and falling to sleep on my stomach. Every horrifically painful, excruciating moment was absolutely wonderful. My daughter is almost 4 now and she's my best friend in the whole world. She's my everything and I can't believe how proud I am to be her daddy. Your kid is going to be great and so are you.

[@exhocmomentopendetaeternit9096]

♥️♥️♥️

[@sleepykitty1985]

I've never met (and haven't technically met you) anyone that has that chronic pain in the head like we do! I would love to talk with you more about your experience and compare it to my own, sometime.

[@Andrew-pr9xv]

@@sleepykitty1985 Always available to talk, if I can help!

[@kal-muzel875]

Tiny adorable banshee 😂

[@lindsayosterhoff2459]

I was 100% against the whole child leash thing until my son asked for one when he was two. He was a runner when he was little and had very little sense of danger so I typically had to carry him whenever we went out. He hated that and wanted to walk so he asked for a leash that was basically a puppy backpack and I held the tail. He LOVED it. He would even wear it around the house because he loved it so much. I got a lot of glares and snide comments but it was one of the best things we ever bought. He got to be a bit more independent while I was able to assure he was safe. It was absolutely worth going against my original thoughts on them. I quickly quit caring what others thought about it because he was happy and safe.

[@dehn6581]

My son loved his turtle backpack with reins that had a little turtle hood - we ended up taking the reins off when he was older, but he kept using the backpack.

[@lindsayosterhoff2459]

It is easy to hold bad opinions about things like child leashes before one has kids but a lot of us quickly learn to change our minds about many things once we are actually parents. I had so many thoughts on how I was going to parent early on. My son is now 17 and I'm nothing like the parent I'd planned to be because that wasn't the type of parent he needed for me to be.

[@Topaz_Estrella]

My husband and I definitely think a leash is prudent for things like crowds or taking the kids to Disneyland. The pure amount of energy this kid has inside my uterus seems like a good indication that he's going to be an agent of chaos.

[@lindsayosterhoff2459]

@@Topaz_Estrella My child was the same way. He used to very visibly move my stomach when I played certain music. He tried to warn us. :)

[@affabletoaster]

Came to the comments to say pretty much this! While obviously Jessica and Claudia should do what works best for them and their child, there is a stigma about child leashes that can be really tough to handle as a parent -- there is already so much judgment on every choice a parent makes! I didn't really think much about child leashes before having a baby, but we ended up with a very independent and curious little one who absolutely hates holding our hands and is comfortable getting quite far away from us! She loves her little bee backpack and wears it all around the house just for fun! We have two different lengths of leashes we can clip to it, or we can remove them entirely, and it means that she can walk with us to the park or the mall without having to stay right by our sides. The baby leash is freedom to our little one (now 18 mos), because she doesn't have to be confined to the stroller or forced to hold our hands all the time. Whenever we are in a space where we can release her and just let her run, we do that, but there are so many situations where this is a great option for our little fam!

[@samanthawarren7554]

I’m not disabled, but I am a first time mom (due in October) and a lot of these fears are still relatable. Wish we lived close by, I’d happily be your mum friend ❤️

[@badgirlsbaby]

You reminded me of a 4 year old I looked after who had 2 mummies and she was very fierce in reminding everyone that she could be a nurse, firefighter, astronaut or whatever she wanted to be, it was adorable!

[@resourceress7]

Signing with babies is fantastic, and yes, they will be able to communicate with you months earlier with signs and they will with speech. I like that you've decided to use BSL instead of modified signs. (If you later find out your child needs modified signs for accessibility reasons, then that's an option, too.) Just FYI for those who may be interested, it looks like Jessica was demonstrating that babies can't always produce the sign the same way that an adult can. I just want to point out this does not mean the parents and family members should be producing them the baby way. :) Instead, use and model the correct signs and phrases. When your baby approximates production of signs based on their motor skills, and you can tell what they mean, then you respond to that as correctly signed. As they get older, their sign pronunciation will improve. The same thing will happen with their spoken language. You will no doubt speak English to them, not just a series of cooing :). Sincerely, A nerd with a sign language linguistics degree.

[@LittleLearnersVideos]

Hi Jessica! I became a parent last year, right before the first lockdown. I also have EDS as well as some other conditions, which has certainly made things difficult but we have found ways to adjust. Not having help from family and friends due to the pandemic has been very hard, it's true it takes a village to raise a child! So please do take any help you can when you are able. On the topic of reins, my son started walking very early so we had to use them when walking outside to stop him constantly falling over 😂 But I I hoping as he gets a bit older he will learn boundaries and we won't have to use them so much. A couple of items thag have been very helpful to me are my 360 spin car seat, and a hip seat (which makes carrying a one year old much easier on my joints). I also got very nervous about going out without my husband, our son had colic so was very upset a lot of the time and I was experiencing postnatal depression. My advice is to build it up - so go for a walk tp the end of your road and back. Then the next day go a little further. Then, when the baby comes, do that again until you feel more comfortable. You don't have to be able to do everything straight away! Wishing you all lots of love and happiness on your exciting next chapter!

[@christabcook]

Congratulations on being a kick-a** parent ♡♡ Some of my story is in the comments, but it I had to tell you that you're doing your best. Be kind to yourself and love up that bebe♡

[@laurakirwan999]

Well done!

[@greatauntlizbethg9137]

Yes. I was thinking break it into parts- going for a walk alone, going for a walk alone with baby, attending your first playgroup with baby and wife etc. Build up those musckes gradually.

[@madebyboys]

Yesssss!!! The 360 spin car seat is everything! I'd have no hope without it! Love how many other EDS mums are in the comments xx

[@Decanta]

So my ASL teacher in college had a young hearing daughter, and she was totally fluent in english and sign. When we asked her which language she felt was her "first language" she said both, because she grew up using both equally. Your baby is really lucky to be born into a bilingual home!

[@amykent6934]

I’m a parent and wouldn’t even think about judging someone with a disability who has chosen to be a parent. If you can still give a baby everything it needs (love, care, meeting it’s physical, emotional, mental and medical needs etc) and support him/her financially then you should be able to have a baby. Congratulations to you both, Iv just subscribed after watching a few videos today. X

[@RuRuWebby]

Jessica: * worries about becoming a new parent* Also Jessica: * is already lesbian mum to 800k people*

[@heatherfairbanks4656]

Yes, but we aren't newborn babies.

[@icecrystal34]

Love this hahahaha ❤

[@invisibleink2759]

Jessica always say her parents are artists. I wonder if one of them paint the wall of the nursery

[@sofiavoudou9021]

No, they posted a link to an Etsy shop where they bought that mural

[@invisibleink2759]

@@sofiavoudou9021 ah, gracias. I dont follow them on social media. Thx

[@lereloleloshakirashakira7710]

@@invisibleink2759 sabes dónde dice que sus papás son artistas?

[@pixiegem]

@@sofiavoudou9021 anyone got the link ?

[@tessatargett8995]

You should keep a diary to write memories in about bub so you can read them back especially when bub starts talking and saying funny things

[@Maeve_Taylor]

That’s brilliant!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️ ♥️💙♥️💙♥️

[@kateadams1990]

That's the advice my Dad gave my sister and her husband before they had their son. He's almost 16 months now. I love that idea!

[@stephc3522]

Both of my parents had cerebral palsy and were (almost full time) wheelchair users - I think I turned out okay! My Mum left when I was 5 and my Dad raised me, but other than being more independent than other children my age and feeling a little ‘left out’ of play (because I wasn’t used to it/sure how to join in), everything that came from my parents’ disabilities was positive! I was much more empathetic than other kids and did a lot of advocacy for disability in my secondary school (including petitioning the headmaster to extend disabled parking spaces at school events). I’m now training to be a teacher and hoping to work with children who fall under the ‘SEND’ category within mainstream schools! You’re going to be a wonderful parent, and the fact that your child is wanted and loved by both of its parents is so much more important than anything else ✨

[@SuperAwesomeKeori]

Child leashes aren't awful tbh my little brother was once picked up by a stranger while we were out in New York and the man couldn't run off with hum because my brother was wearing a child leash

[@KatieM786]

Wow that's terrible! I'm glad he wasnt kidnapped. Reins will help kids get less scraped knees but can also reassure them they won't get lost. I hated Oxford Circus and Bond Street as an older kid and wrist reins were reassuring.

[@gensai93]

Especially of you have more than small child to care for at once.

[@silver1step]

My family used reins at first and then graduated to special "walkie talkies" that would alert out parents if we walked too far but could also let us communicate with each other. It was pretty advanced for the 90s lol

[@123blacksheep]

I personally am bed ridden often, my kids come into my bed with their tablets play games bring colours crafts we make friendship braclets and cuddle. You can still be there for you child while bedridden, you just leave ur door open and make them known mommies taking a nap and my kids watch tablet beside me quietly when i have to rest. Aa long as you have love, are kind and are there for them when they need you there’s nothing to worry about. Make the most out of the days you can function and make the most out of being in bed. Movies, popcorn, buy a pull out couch so you can lay in bed together in the living room. They won’t ever complain about cuddling.

[@123blacksheep]

@@Smm366 any time sweetheart its hard, it definitely gets to me some days I can’t be like most parents but my kids are so loved and I know that’s enough, we are enough.

[@justicehoffman752]

Thank you for sharing this. I definitely worry I’m hurting my children’s life because of my illness/ disability. I worry they’ll look back and only remember that mommy was ill. So, reading this comment definitely calms some of those fears. Thank you and I hope you have a lovely day.

[@123blacksheep]

@@justicehoffman752 thankyou, we all need a reminder we aren’t alone. Im so humbled ❤️

[@mookinbabysealfurmittens]

💖

[@natashaamble9976]

I am going into the hospital to give birth tomorrow! Can I just say that your child is insanely lucky to have you two. They are already so loved. That is the magic ingredient. Id recommend trying to put your fear in its place :)

[@11Coaco11]

About putting ‘reins on a kid’, it can be the only option even for abled parents. One/both of my brothers needed it. Both of my parents are abled, but if you looked away from one of them in particular for a minute, he’d run off. My mom would get me from daycare, get distracted for a second getting me sorted and he’d be in the parking lot (he was like 2). There was just no real choice with him, there are so many stories about him running off and being chased down by someone. With me, it wasn’t necessary so it does depend on the kid. And she was dealing with a 4, 2, and infant at one point.

[@lesbiangoddess290]

That nursery is so ethereal and majestic I just cant find enough adjectives to describe how amazing this room is and how amazing you will be as a parent. Dont worry you've raised me on the internet and I've turned out great tbh.

[@CatBarefield]

Ahahahah big same

[@madelineshrimp]

very magical-looking! it's like a fairy will just fly out of the wall, so pretty

WHAT IS TBH? 🙄

[@amandamurdoch3587]

TBH = To Be Honest.

[@slowfire2]

You don’t have to use babyish/simplified signs. You can use the ordinary signs at all times and the baby will develop their signs as they develop their motor skills. I did that with my kid in Swedish sign language.

[@ragnkja]

I think that what she means is that they won’t expect the baby to use the “proper” signs, just like you wouldn’t expect perfectly formed spoken language from an infant.

[@kamaxox123]

This video and the comments have been so helpful. I have POTS, MCAS, and Sjogren’s and my partner and I want to start trying to conceive in the next few years. I have all of these fears and this has made me feel less alone.

[@Mellags]

Teaching a child to sign is usually the best thing to help before they advance to verbal communications. Im trying to teach my son some things so he can let us know if he is hungry or thirsty or needs the potty and he is only 10 months old. You will do amazing, you adapt to your environment and as scary as it is your love will always be evident and you will find the best way to do things for you and baby in a safe way. Congrats again! You will both love being mamas

[@3lli0]

Ten weeks is June 11. OMG THIS BABY COULD TOTALLY BE A PRIDE BABY!! 🏳️‍🌈👶🏼

[@Bangsy3000]

gayby

[@semisentiententity5486]

P R I D E B A B Y

[@LauPulstar]

And a cancerian 🥰 always the loveliest of people 😏😌

[@3lli0]

@@LauPulstar my birthday is end of June ish..

[@CatrionaThePoet]

@@LauPulstar I agree! But not quite, the baby would be a Gemini!

[@Hellooo134]

There’s something so sweet about going through training and exercise to hold her baby, I just know they’re going to be great moms

[@detherealjax]

I want to be a parent some day, but I'm scared my depression will make it hard on my kids. I get fears that I'll die or something and they'd be traumatized.

[@danalear8562]

Being aware means you will get help when you need it.

[@noelleg3890]

I understand you! Coming from a kid in that exact situation, I can say it was always perfect, but it all balanced out. I remember some times being confused and not understanding what was happening, and when I got older noticing days when my parent was more "present". It was normal though. I grew up and felt so much love, and had so many fun times with my parents. I honestly wouldent change a thing. If anything, it has made me more compassionate and understanding as a person. Your feelings are valid, but I hope my experience helps ease your worries a bit! I'm sure you would be a fantastic parent!!!

[@madi2656]

My mum used to make us “stick like glue” to her side when her hands were busy so she could feel that we were there and so that we would stay still, similar to the car thing. We still do it sometimes out of instinct lol

[@invisibleink2759]

The baby is going to love having actual princesess reading to them🥰