Opening to Love Again After the Death of a Spouse or Partner with Dr. John Gray

In this conversation Dr. John Gray discusses opening to love again after the death of a spouse or significant partner.
BIOGRAPHY
Dr. John Gray is the author of one of the most well-known relationship books, "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus". He has written over 20 books. His most recent book is "Beyond Mars and Venus". Dr. Gray's web site; www.marsvenus.com highlights his Mars/Venus book series and is a wonderful resource to learn about relationships and the unique ways men and women interact.
The information provided in this video is for educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional psychological or medical advice, counselling, diagnosis, or treatment.
IN AUTUMN’S COCOON PRESENTS “INSPIRING, HEARTFELT CONVERSATIONS”
Over the years I have had the privilege of meeting and working with many amazing individuals who have dedicated their lives in service to others in end-of-life care. It is my honor to offer this series of inspiring, heartfelt conversations with noted professionals to make them available for all to listen in and learn from. As the host of this series, I truly feel blessed to have the opportunity to dialogue with each guest and learn from the rich wisdom they share. A gift from my heart to yours to help traverse this very tender life transition and bring greater comfort in being with the dying and supporting those in grief.
WANT TO LEARN MORE?
If you would like to learn more about supporting a loved one dying or in grief, sign up for Barbara’s workshop series; “Softening Death, Dying and Grief; Bringing Comfort to Challenging Times”: inautumnscocoo...
For more information on Barbara Morningstar, In Autumn’s Cocoon, or upcoming courses and events visit inautumnscocoo...
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To purchase a copy of her book “Honoring the Mystery; Uplifting Insights from the Language, Visions, and Dreams of the Dying” go to www.amazon.com...
© Oak leaves photo by Margo Lipa - pixabay.com/us...

[@AmbaMata-1]

I just lost my husband, best friend, guide and companion 12 days ago. We were together for 37 years and we were so close. We were one unit ! I have a overwhelming feeling that my life makes absolutely no sense, my existence is absurde and I don't belong in a world without him in it. The word sad doesn't even describe what i'm feeling, I just want to die asap ! But I know though that I will never suffer from such a loss ever again. Every gain is a loss and I will never allow myself to get attached to anyone like this ever again. When I recover from this I will be free because the worst has already happened.

[@Wookinpanub235]

Hi Amba. I lost my Wife 12 days ago myself. Super hard because we just adopted 2 of our grandkids. Also my wife’s Brother is disabled and he lives with his mom that has poor health and is in her 70’s. I love her Brother and will most likely be taking care of him when his Mom passes. My wife had stage IV colon cancer and lived 16 months after her diagnosis. Im obviously still grieving for my Wife of 33 years. We got married at 19 and started dating at 14. We were a great team and i cant even begin to talk about all the wonderful things we did together. My wife told me from her hospital bed and from our bed at home while she was sick that she worried about me and wants me to remarry when she passes. She even picked out a girl she worked with who’s Husband did her wrong. Shes very sweet and very attractive but I was hurt that my wife made those comments. I was hurt for her for having to tell me those things. Since my wifes passing I have had an old friend , my wifes cousin that is divorced and a couple of her coworkers that are single showing way too much interest in me and it makes me uncomfortable but also I do feel like I want companionship but I worry that I have too much baggage for a single woman to deal with. I think Im doing pretty well with my mental health as my wife and I had always been realists and we believe we will be together again some day. My adult children have been very supportive of me and they’re also protective of me. They are NOT happy about how many females seem to be showing interest in me. I think its because they knew my wife and how much she bragged about how much I loved her and took care of her and she just adored me. My girls are worried these women are going to prey on my weakness and vulnerability. I think its just too early to even contemplate dating another woman but on the other hand I havent been intimate with another woman for almost 2 years as my wife was so injured from surgeries and her cancer was very debilitating like the female host of this videos Husband was. I think I need some grief counceling before I make some bad mistakes. I just have way too much on my plate and I feel overwhelmed, lonely bit also confident Im going to be okay…..I just have alot of questions and emotions. Im still young at 53 but as much as I don’t want to date I also feel like if I pass on companionship when its available I may never have another chance to experience female companionship again. I guess time will tell.

[@jpowell2603]

Im 13 months in after losing my wife of 24 years to stage 4 breast cancer. Still hurts to this day. Our children keep me busy and on my toes I like that.

[@dgaydos]

My experience is eerily similar....only I'm 6+ years in. Though time has tempered the hurt somewhat, it's still tough, for sure. The one thing that's really helped me is having connected with her via very good and authentic mediums - those who ask no questions and have solid reputations. We never die....just these ol' bodies do.

[@ibsilva48]

This is so refreshing to listen to. I’ve lose my wife of 37 years of age heart attack at 65. This is only 17 months. The pain and anxiety that attached my body was out of this world. I felt like I was going to die and I’m 65. My source of peace and comfort came from different avenues. I had to seek professional help. But the best help along with everything else came from God our Heavenly Father. I could say a lot more but in short for anyone grieving there is hope. Hope in God. I still work and have my grandsons around and my hobby of pleasure is playing the piano and gardening. I still do that. I’m involved and connected to my local church family. I miss my wife Alice dearly and after the sadness I switch my mind to thanking God for all those years I had her in my life. Today there is a lady friend that I feel a mutual attraction for and I am open to God’s will in my life. I can feel the same for her since we’ve both lost our spouses. I pray and hope someone reading this will know there is hope in God and he can in his time bring through. God bless y’all. Thank you for this video!

[@user-il4bc6ss9m]

In one of Don William's songs he sings, 'I've been loved by the best....' There is no other man who will make me happy!

[@carmenburnham1088]

That is so true for me. ❤

[@nkechinwatu156]

Sometimes I think there's a kind of stigmatisation attached to widowhood, it's subtle but it's there. I hope one day these feelings will go away. Thank you so much for this video

[@nkechinwatu156]

My husband was a Gynecologists and I a Pharmacist, he contracted Lassa fever after treating a patient, there are no rapid diagnostic test kit for it in the state he worked after he died his samples were sent to a molecular lab in another state and result came back positive, I was taken along with my children to an isolation centre, I watched people die , left , right and centre. Luckily we survived it, I was devastated, during his burial my inlaws made life unbearable for me and the kids even when they knew what the cause of death was. We were really a nice , close knit family and I miss that alot, I only started baking again after close to 2 years cos that's what we loved doing together. the fear of the unknown is all I need to keep me away from any relationship. It's all so painful

[@TapIntoAlignment]

So sorry 💗

[@patriciawagstaff6302]

I have PTSD from my husband's untimely 24 hr death. I, as an RN, I was allowed to be very close to him in ER n ICU n watch him code several times n have dialysis and 10-11 iv meds with 2 picc lines. We were married 47 years. My son n I asked him if he wanted to leave that would be his choice. He was intubated , n with all the meds... he opened his eyes looked at me as I held his hand n he slowly took God's hand n started his journey home. I gave his nurse the shroud that we both agreed upon as we passed away. I walked with my man to the morgue to make sure the MD knew he needed the shroud as that was his choice n mine. We had a great married 47-year life together with many fun memories , especially those early marital days filled with "great " sexual intimacy as it was such great fun n great memories. I miss those early days , including the little pitter patter of our children's little feet,we had such great fun with them ! He also gave both of them their beautiful bright blue eyes. Our daughter lives in NJ, n she n family are coming here for Christmas . My son lives 9 minutes from me. It will be a great time for all ! RIP MY LOVE .

[@carmenburnham1088]

@nkechinwatu156 Oh my goodness, I’m so so sorry. What a horrible ordeal to go through. I pray for grace and strength from the Lord to you. I lost my husband 5 years ago. It was devastating so I can’t imagine your scope of pain with all the loss. It does take time to heal. The need to grieve is so important. It does get better where the pain isn’t so intense. ❤

[@pennythostenson6983]

What a beautiful video. I am learning so much. Thank you.

[@nkechinwatu156]

But it's aa joy looking at you, as a coping mechanism I started a course to keep me busy. Most times I have lots of questions to ask but don't know who to trust with that part of my life.

[@gladysmwelwa7020]

I lost my husband 3 years ago my best friend, companion, teacher guider and cheerful giver of love. We were together for 28 years. Thank you so much for this video it’s really helpful to me.

[@stevenrathke6378]

excellent discussion. I lost my spouce 2.5 years ago. Emotions are starting to wake up.

[@Maliandjoe]

Oh wow, your fortune cookie story Barbara! There are some very helpful insights here-thank you for this!

[@sesvaoffice8331]

It's reassuring to hear Dr Gray's experiences which I'm currently having in relation to my grief, but I hate feeling this pain and am reassured and looking forward to the time when I can feel the emotions without the pain.

[@lizzymurray6590]

What a beautiful interview, the love emanating is tangible. I now need to read these books. I'm in very early widowhood. Yes cocoonining. Many thanks x

[@juanitamerrill6601]

I love what he said, balancing the loss with gratitude. Beautiful insight and help.

[@RobSweigard]

When a man leaves his father and mother, and becomes united with his wife, they will become "one flesh". I have found/experienced first hand that the ripping apart/separating of this "one flesh" is the most painful experience of my/a person's life. This is most likely even more intense with longer time frames in the union. God is Love, and our constant source of True Love, and He will guide and strengthen us till our time comes to a close. Walk with God and Move On as He leads, growth in some ways might be painful but valuable. ☺♥†♪♫ 8-8-2023

[@davidchen7210]

Thank you so much for creating this video. I just lost on last Sunday my wife of 32 years to a sudden heart attack just as we were in the prime of our years at age 58 for her and 56 for me. I'm struggling with the same feelings said in this video on how to move on vs. holding onto the pain which seems easier. This video helped a lot to see people who have suffered a loss as well and see how you two have moved forward. I just wanted to let you know how publishing this video has helped me.

[@barbaramorningstar5173]

Such a fresh and recent loss. Give yourself time. Baby steps. Day at a time. Breath at a time. No rush.

[@carmenburnham1088]

I have observed the greatest myth about grief is that it is supposed to go away quickly and it doesn’t. There is no time frame for how long it takes. It takes time. One of the things I believe is when we go through the sacred journey we are actually paying tribute to our lost love that their life matters. So feel it and honor the pain and them and you. Grieving is the healthy thing to do. Suppression = depression. Journaling is the best and prayer and bible. Invite the Lord into your suffering. It does help. It does get better. ❤

[@maryannebriggs1841]

I am 23 months into the loss of my husband of 55 years. I wish I had found this interview months ago even though I have gone through many of the stages John talked about. I'm much more comfortable with where I am at this point in my new life now knowing that I'm headed in the right direction. I'm so thankful for John's insights.

[@johnkeith2450]

When we do invite someone into our life, that is a choice we make. And by choice we are taking on the responsibility for their emotional well-being in feeling loved, desired, needed and #1 in our heart....Their feelings and emotions are just as fragile and precious as ours, and no one gets a special pass on not looking out for them just because they are widowed. If a widowed cannot give the same undivided love and attention to a new love, which they deserve, as they did for their late spouse, it would be best if they remain single. There is no shame in remaining single, but there is in manipulating someone's emotions and feelings. No one would put up with a with the one they love being actively in love with an ex-spouse or someone they dated. And no one should have to put up with it from someone widowed. A three heart relationship will never work. One heart is always being cheated on. If one is married to a new spouse, yet still actively giving love and emotion to the late spouse, they are emotionally cheating on their new spouse.

[@Kelly-pj3in]

Absolutely, I'd be crushed to know my partner, wbf was thinking of someone else....his widow while making love to me. Devastating.

[@marymacpherson7719]

Thank you so much for this interview. Such honesty and wisdom.

[@btwthblood]

This has been so helpful to me. Thank you.

[@user-wy9xc6mi6q]

sharing info., hoping to help grow, past the pain, pleasure, heart healed for more lov

[@jn3098]

Just lost my wife of 36 years 😢I’ll never know joy ever again

[@walkaminutewithme4787]

I was just thinking that I need my Spouse.

[@emps3546]

Videos and voice messages 18 months on comforts me

[@sanantoniotonight5569]

At the beginning she’s like…. Is he ever going to stop talking….😂

[@user-gi6eu1sq9f]

Very true am also feeling guilty like if I don't think of him even jut for 30 mins I feel am betraying him ,I feel his watching me .

[@ronaldfank7187]

As a widower of 5 and a half years i have 2 questions . Why would i even consider betraying my late wife with another? What would i tell my late wife when i cross over when she asks me why i didn't persue another i dont want her to hate me. I dont understand why amd how people who lost someone would even consider bringing another person into their lives

[@barbaramorningstar5173]

Touching to hear of your love and the deep devotion you continue to hold for your wife. Others have shared their struggles in the aftermath of such a profound loss. It will be different for each person. Some will be inspired to have a new relationship. Others will put their love and energy into family and serving their community. I think you will appreciate my interview with Thomas Attig. He speaks of "relearning' the world" after someone dies. Relearning our relationship with ourselves, others and the person who has died. Here is the link: kzbin.info/www/bejne/j5yac6hqmb-AeZI Take gentle care.

[@kerryfoster1]

Why would you deny the posibility of giving love to another after your wife's passing. We all have SO MUCH love to give. There is NO betrayal at all to our late partners. It just takes time to move on but we all deserve to give and receive the love in our hearts. I couldn't conceive not finding that love again after my wife's passing.. I still have SO MUCH to give.

[@ronaldfank7187]

Loyalty to late wife is the biggest reason. There will not be another I can't do that and I'm not gonna even try. I can't disregard my principles for personal gain. Besides if I never meet anyone there is no possibility of that happening so I will avoid it at all costs

[@sanantoniotonight5569]

Wow…. To think our spouse would be judging us from above is a interesting concept. They are on another spiritual level And I doubt will be passing judgement on our future happiness.

[@ronaldfank7187]

It's not about judging it is about loyalty to the one that I can only truly love. I can't be with another I don't have the heart to speak to another. My heart only belongs to one and that is my late wife. If I were to try again in my eyes it would be slapping my late wife in her face and saying she meant nothing to me. I can't disregard my principles for personal gain. Maybe others can but I can't and won't do that to her. I owe her everything

[@MariaSanchez-gf8lh]

I’ve been a widow for almost 4 years and I have been dating a widow who also lost his wife two days after my husband. I couldn’t imagine him thinking of his wife while being intimate with me. That’s a little bizarre. Maybe John still needs to heal so that he can love wholeheartedly.

[@josephthibeault4843]

How does one deal with having prostate cancer and on hormone therapy?

[@janemiley2323]

Really ??? Disappointing! This was a total joke. Seemed to be merely a platform to discuss each others many husbands wives AND how when making love to new partners John, its fine to imagine and reminisce about the person/ persons who lost their lives!! I cant imagine how great your love for this next poor woman is! You both together are all about ME MYSELF AND I and swapping background notes! You would make a fine couple and spare the unfortunates you now know how best to manipulate and coerce. You both need to live the truth of lifes pains and losses and stop playing at being honest respectful partners and people.

[@mgonzalez7412]

Very disrespectful to spouses gone.