Opting Out of Parenthood - My Autistic Experience

Discussing some of the reasons I choose to be child free, such as sensory issues and tokophobia, and some interesting questions & reactions surrounding that decision.
#asd #autisticwoman #autistic #neurodivergent #sensoryissues #tokophobia #childfreebychoice

[@tonyascott7887]

I wish more people would be self aware enough to know they aren’t parent material. I see kids all the time suffering under someone not ready or cut out to be parents.

[@user-yv6xw7ns3o]

Yeah. I am stunned when I hear people give advice like "the best thing a person can do to grow up/be a better person/become a more mature adult is to have kids." WTF... I'm gonna stop myself from going on a long rant about this in my comment, other than to mention that I am blown away by how often people are that clueless and make such dogmatic predictions and assumptions about parenthood.

[@Sensory0verlord]

@@user-yv6xw7ns3o I used to think that I didn’t quite feel like an adult bc I wasn’t a parent. I think that’s because I saw so many people becoming parents & acting more adult-like. Now I wonder if they act that way not bc they’re parents but bc they’re exhausted.😆

[@user-yv6xw7ns3o]

@@Sensory0verlord Hehehe!! I think you might be onto something there! 😆

[@thijsjong]

The whole process of "having a child" (understatement). I get the same vision as you. The burst scene from Alien. I would not want a to put a woman through that. And if she wants it I am with the wrong person. Do I like kids. Yeah. Do I want them noooooooooo.

[@Sensory0verlord]

I commend you for not wanting to put a woman through that! I’ve had to tell a couple of guys that if he wants kids, he’s barking up the wrong tree. Never once regretted it.

[@withheldformyprotection5518]

I made the same choice to never be a parent. The question I always got was, “Well, who’s going to take care of you when you’re old?” Now that I am approaching old, I know that I will be living comfortably and retiring at 55. I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I had kids. Who will be taking care of me when I’m old? Well, the nice people I can afford to pay to do it, since I didn’t have kids.

[@Sensory0verlord]

That’s a great response to that question! 👏 Even people with kids can end up paying someone to take care of them. Nursing homes are full of people who had children. Besides, that’s a sad reason to have kids.

[@soulTraveller144]

Plus there is health things you can do to partially reverse aging;)

[@animal_person_]

No kids for me either 🎉😂😊

[@Sensory0verlord]

🎉 🙌🏻 😂

[@tonyascott7887]

I’m getting married in July (I’m 57 with a terrible relationship history, but this guy is a great fit I vetted for the last 4 years) and my dreaded rude question I get is “How many times have you been married “. I love to query back,”What’s your reason for asking?” That usually gets me an apology and changes the subject. I want to say, “why so you can judge if I’m worthy to be happy now? “ 😂🤣🤣🤣

[@Sensory0verlord]

The “how many times..” question is incredibly rude! I’ve been married twice, cohabitated with boyfriends on two occasions before that. Sometimes it feels like 4 marriages. But at least I didn’t stick with one that made me miserable my whole life, which seems to be what some people do.

[@kateryna9009]

My health problems, along with sensory issues, would make having children no fun at all. I would burn out quickly. However, I love cats and hope I'm a good mother to my purry, furry daughter. I hate these nosy questions about how soon I'm going to 'ruin' my life. Thanks for sharing.

[@Sensory0verlord]

Thanks for watching! One nice thing about being in my mid-forties is that I get fewer nosy questions. Tell your cat I said “pspsps” 😺

[@soulTraveller144]

I prefer looking after animals too;)

[@kateryna9009]

@@soulTraveller144sometimes i can stare at my cat's paw for hours 😀animals are the best gift we have completely for free

[@kateryna9009]

​@@soulTraveller144i can stare at my cat's paw for hours 😅 Animals are the best gift we have in life completely for free ❤

[@SerrasVictoria]

Same here! I knew from a young age that I never wanted kids, but everyone was always saying, "Ohhh, you'll change your mind someday/when you meet the right guy!" (If he's "the right guy," then he wouldn't want kids either. Duh). Now I'm 47, diagnosed AuDHD last year, and want kids EVEN LESS now more than ever!! And I don't like kids. I mean, I like SOME, but definitely not all. They're usually so loud and so shrill...it's sensory overload, honestly. And after working with kids for a long time, I can attest that some kids are flat-out assholes! 😅 Just...no, thanks. I've got a cat. I'm good.

[@Sensory0verlord]

Omg - how many times I heard “you’ll change your mind”! Ugh. Nope, never did. I’m 45 now & still can’t imagine. The noise is definitely a factor. The high pitched squealing when they’re just happily playing is a big nope & an instant headache for me. I’d hate to be a complete buzzkill of a mom, so we’re all better off that I’m not.😆 I had 2 dogs for 20 years total & haven’t felt ready to take on more yet, but my boyfriend has a dog & cat that I love. Tell your cat I said pspsps

[@lunarphoenixforyourface]

Good for you! I'm in the same boat. My mother used to sign off of the phone with me at night by telling my husband and I to "think grandchildren" in this cringy singsong voice, as we were getting ready to go to bed. I finally told her to knock it off. And soon after, I decided I didn't want kids after all. Thank goodness I decided that BEFORE I got knocked up! Happily divorced now! ☕👽💅🏼

[@Sensory0verlord]

Even if you had wanted kids, she wasn’t doing you any favors because nothing ruins the mood like hearing your mother telling you to “think grandchildren”😂 My mother used to make smocked baby clothes as a hobby & would say it was for when she had grandchildren. I told her to start crocheting dog sweaters bc grand-dogs was all she was getting.

[@karens8633]

I used to “see” identical twin girls with my curly hair and blue eyes, but without my “struggles”. It’s difficult to get into a relationship when you’re too shy to let people get close! So that never happened! Probably for the best, I wouldn’t want to pass on the pain I have dealt with to someone else. I have six nieces and nephews that I love dearly and we are close. I do miss those twins, especially since it’s too late now. You need to do what is right for you.

[@Sensory0verlord]

It’s great that you have those nieces & nephews to bring you joy! I imagined a daughter like Arya Stark with some of Louise Belcher’s humor mixed in, but I know I made the right decision & I’m happy with it.

[@theedgeofoblivious]

"I sacrifice my potential young in a monthly blood ritual." 🤣

[@Sensory0verlord]

😂 Hope I get another chance to use that one!

[@karens8633]

I had a very difficult time with that ritual, with PMDDS and Endometriosis. I actually think a pregnancy would have been easier! 😱 😝 😉

[@Sensory0verlord]

@@karens8633 Oh no! I’m so sorry! The PMDD alone is bad enough. 😣

[@roberttravers7587]

Good video! 😁

[@Sensory0verlord]

Thank you! 😊

[@user-jp7ms1zt7r]

I'm a man and have always felt uncomfortable when people ask a woman in a public setting if she's breastfeeding. It's like the woman who thinks it's okay to put her hand on a pregnant woman's stomach.

[@Sensory0verlord]

I agree! It seems like touching someone without permission is a violation. And the questions just seem way too personal.

[@JonBrase]

It's weird. I felt a lot more ambivalent about having kids before I knew I was autistic, but now that I know that I am, there's a sense of "things only get better for us if there are more of us" that makes me actually really want kids.

[@Sensory0verlord]

I can understand that sentiment as long as someone was ok with & prepared for the possibility that the child may be neurotypical. NT kids raised by autistic parents could also lead to better things for all as long as we foster acceptance & understanding of one another. Also, the parent would need to be prepared for the possibility that an autistic child may have different even opposite sensory needs. But still, I see where you’re coming from.

[@higherground337]

Nothing wrong with not having kids. Nothing wrong with having kids. The only people who are selfish are the ones who have kids but don't give them the care and unconditional love they need.

[@Sensory0verlord]

I agree!

[@Catlily5]

I can't even take care of myself let alone a child.

[@Sensory0verlord]

I struggle to keep house plants alive! 😬

[@Catlily5]

@@Sensory0verlord Yes.

[@speardagger]

Some people just don't mind their own business. I got a friend who is neurotypical, and she doesn't want to have any kids. I support her decision, is her body and her life. Nobody has the right to tell you what you do.

[@Sensory0verlord]

I agree- it’s a personal decision. It’s great that you support her in that!

[@tallgrrl1]

It's a gross question and an incredibly rude one at that. It should only be answered with the most graphic possible question about their genitalia.

[@Sensory0verlord]

😆 I like the way you think! If it hadn’t been my boss at the time asking, my answer probably would’ve been a lot more creative.

[@tallgrrl1]

@@Sensory0verlord Oh, I agree with you considering that context. In that case, I would have just asked him to repeat himself several times.

[@theedgeofoblivious]

I did want kids when I was younger, but thank God I didn't bring any into this world. I mean that not just for the effort it would take from me, but the world I'd be subjecting them to(and particularly with the likelihood that they could be autistic, as I would never want to subject anyone to what I've dealt with).

[@Sensory0verlord]

It would definitely be harder growing up now than when I did, in my opinion. Social media didn’t exist back then, so bullying was on a much smaller scale. I feel so bad for kids now for that issue alone, not to mention everything else they have to worry about that I didn’t.

[@soulTraveller144]

Exactly its kind of selfish to have them for the most part

[@Sensory0verlord]

@@soulTraveller144 It can be, yes. Still, who knows? A child born of a selfish desire may grow to be selfless and altruistic and solve some of the world’s problems. I just don’t wanna volunteer to find out lol

[@soulTraveller144]

@@Sensory0verlord yes of course the child is not to blame. I just feel like a lot of people do not truly really think it over before they have a baby and they see it as a purpose.. i never want children either.. i feel its unnatural as i am just visiting 😂 not gonna leave sporn behind when i exit this matrix.. perhaps i have done it before or there is another timeline where i am with children. I know i would worry so much about them i would have an aneurysm. Plus i prefer cats and other animals. My brain goes more to animal sanctuary rather than family of humans 😃

[@Sensory0verlord]

@@soulTraveller144 I feel the same way, especially about it seeming unnatural to me & preferring animals. If I’d ever been on the fence about it, the cost alone would’ve persuaded me to stick to being a pet parent. And you’re definitely right about people not realistically thinking it over.

[@Rich-xq8df]

Goddamn, Great balls of fire! A smart woman. Shit--sttike up the band. Keep that mouth shouting the truth! I do. F' em.

[@Sensory0verlord]

😆 Thanks! My ex used to tell me that I’m a weird combination of smart & stupid. I hope it’s at least a good balance of the two!

[@Catlily5]

I agree that it can be more selfish to have children. Some people want children even though they know that they can't take good care of them.

[@Sensory0verlord]

Sometimes people don’t realize how much of a responsibility children are & then they end up getting overwhelmed. Or parenthood doesn’t live up to the fantasy & the kids end up paying the price. It’s very sad for the kids either way.

[@Catlily5]

@@Sensory0verlord I know one woman who had 4 kids and didn't raise any of them. But she liked having babies.

[@Sensory0verlord]

@@Catlily5 Yikes! I can’t even imagine

[@Catlily5]

@@Sensory0verlord Yeah, I don't understand it either.

[@tracirex]

your story is my story down to the specific health challenges, dislike of creepy baby dolls and disgust when we see pregnant humans. mother earth thanks us for not reproducing and our bodies thank us for not exposing them to the sensory nightmare of caring for children. speaking of senses, its very hard to listen to you over the vehicle noises while you are driving. much appreciation if you can eliminate background noise.

[@Sensory0verlord]

I’m so happy I’m not alone when it comes to these things! I wondered about the vehicle noise being too distracting. Thanks for the feedback! I’ve deleted entire videos before instead of uploading because the bg noise was too much.🤦‍♀️

[@tracirex]

@@Sensory0verlord thanks for response and consideration

[@thedalewardens9106]

If your line is over your line is over.

[@Sensory0verlord]

Exactly. This bloodline dies with me.

[@beetooex]

I wish I'd been strong enough to resist the pressure to have kids. It would have meant divorce but maybe things would have been better?

[@Sensory0verlord]

I’m sorry you were pressured to have kids. That’s not fair to you or the kids.