Our Friends Left Us Out (Do They Hate Us?)

Our Friends Left Us Out (Do They Hate Us?)
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[@GreatWhiteSharkey]

I was left out of my friends wedding last year. He bragged about it but never invited me but invited the rest of the group. Safe to say we’re not friends anymore. I was always left out at school, didn’t have a real group of friends and it still hits hard to be forgotten about.

[@signalfire15]

Being left out hurts no matter what age you are.

[@RalphTubbernackle-pr5tb]

That’s why most people withdraw from society as they age. This stuff is for the birds.

[@ProudlyIraqi]

Lmao grow up baby you’re not entitled to peoples plans

[@sanitary103]

Who’s got the time and energy for all these mental gymnastics? Sounds like high school drama all over again. If someone didn’t invite you, there’s a reason. It happens.

[@l-train7876]

For real. I have absolutely zero friend drama like this, I have no room in my life for it. Zero.

[@soulistic87]

Yup!

[@random-nz7dy]

So although it's hard to make friends, I did point out in my parent comment, That in these situations you need to self-evaluate what you could be doing. And this dude sounds extremely intense I've known people who are really nice but who are extremely intense constantly and it was hard to want to constantly hang out with them because if it's always felt like this stressful level of intense interaction

[@thecramptons]

IKR seriously 😂

[@thecramptons]

@@l-train7876same!!!

[@Blandy-i7m]

People have the right to hang out and be friends with whoever they want, I learned this throughout my life. If I’m left out and lied to then these people are not the friends I thought. I really do hope you can find true friends moving on.

[@David-wo9un]

I don’t want to sound insensitive, but this seems like a question from someone in middle/high school; find people who want to spend time with you and move on. It might help to not follow on social media so you aren’t reminded what you’re missing. You can’t force friendships.

[@thecramptons]

1000%%

[@cur244]

Social media makes people more miserable and exceptionally nosy.

[@jenniferh.7219]

Point taken however I understand his position. They thought they were investing as friends. Your point is in regards to what to do next. Hwr I can also relate with the dissonance he is experiencing

[@ginab6142]

Some people don't find it quite that easy.

[@Morenita570]

I have the same type of friend group with my husband and our kids. This is what I told my daughter when she was left out of one of the girls birthday party, friendships take a lifetime to build. Also your kids grow, the group will change, and you will find the only thing that held your group together were same age children. Lastly, one sided relationships are for suckers! When my daughter’s birthday came around we didn’t invite that little girl. That little girls NEXT birthday party she invited my daughter and then my daughter invited her to HER next birthday party.

[@tracym6652]

Was that little girl just not thinking? Or do you think something else was up?

[@Morenita570]

We’re fully black. The little girl and my daughter loved each other’s company. The husband was white and he and my husband loved each other’s company. The mother was East Asian and whenever she saw me her eyeballs would go up in her head and get stuck to the right. I would stare off into the distance and we’d stand silently and awkwardly. I even saw her make faces when her husband’s back was turn.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

​@@Morenita570East Indians most have a huge hatred for blacks. Ask me how I know this. I was married into one, Plus I'm mixed with east Indian as well

[@katier1268]

This kind of thing used to hurt my feelings, too. I had to keep reminding myself that it’s normal to not be included 100% the time. What’s not normal is knowing about it every time people make plans without you. I eventually just left social media completely and have been much happier and less sensitive since.

[@cur244]

Social media is horrible for people. It's better to have real friendships than the facebook "friends"

[@KiaraLemmone]

I agree, social media is terrible for people.

[@JoeyNYSDnomad]

Social media has extended the high school years for many people and the cliquish behavior that comes from it.

[@ineedhoez]

😂😂😂😂.... so true.

[@KiaraLemmone]

I think the point of the caller is that they were the only couple left out of a group that have all hung out together normally. I get how they would be hurt.

[@InDirectDiana]

This happens a lot to me. I know people perceive me differently and they usually only talk to me because their kids talk to my kids. But i make it a point to invite and include everyone. I usually get ghosted until i see them at the gym/church next time, but no biggie. I want to be kind to all and they can choose how to respond. Just like i can and usually am left out. But i can choose how to respond. Takes a bit to get over the initial sting, but it'll be ok.

[@maam-yj8ph]

I agree. At the end of the day you have to be someone you like and can live with and you can't worry all the time how others perceive you. If there's anything science can prove every day of the week, it's how dumb and fickle people are.

[@kcourtney6826]

With situations like this, I don’t think you should get caught up in the “why don’t they want to be my friend “. These are adults if they care about fostering a friendship and there is an issue they should be able to communicate that, lying and leaving you out is immature and people I wouldn’t want to be friends with.

[@FourSeasons04]

Please say it louder for the folks in the back!!! I don't understand why people want to be friends with those who don't value them and are dishonest about it. Geesh!

[@selindavis7389]

Exactyl

[@genxx2724]

@@FourSeasons04 Well, we wonder what we did wrong, especially if it’s happened before.

[@FourSeasons04]

@@genxx2724 I would hope your "friends" would have the courage to tell you if there was an issue instead of sneaking/lying behind your back.

[@genxx2724]

@@FourSeasons04 I agree. But I’ve learned there’s the way things should be, and the way they actually are.

[@distorbia20]

You only know each other through your kids. I don’t think they are your actual friends. Don’t take it to heart. Speak to them. Or just don’t take it to heart. Maybe they feel bad inviting to expensive places

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

​@@dabd8175You realise no secure man would ever stoop to calling other men betas, right? This always makes me laugh or roll my eyes.

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

@@dabd8175 I didn't challenge your assertion, I advised you to keep it to yourself if you don't want to expose your insecurity. It's like fake-lat syndome - only weak men put so much effort into appearing strong. Or bullying - only weak-minded men put so much effort into undermining others.

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

@@dabd8175 lol

[@soni05131]

Stop texting for a while and see who reaches out first.

[@sallyhemings2295]

Him and his wife weren’t invited for a reason. I suspect it’s because the birthday man or woman doesn’t really care for them and didn’t want them at their party. It’s one thing for me to hang out with a group of friends at a ball game. It’s another to want certain people at my personal birthday party.

[@TheEquiss]

I usually don’t invite people over because everyone I know lives in big, rich and fancy houses. I don’t live in a big or expensive house. I’ve had people comment that I don’t even have a “real” house. I have a doublewide that’s paid off. I own the land it is on and everything I have is paid off. I live comfortably on my retirement and comfortably alone in my 3 bedroom house. It may be older but I have heat and air but I know people look down on me/it cuz I didn’t spend $$$ on it. So I don’t even bother any more. It’s not worth it.

[@GreatWhiteSharkey]

Ugh same. My ‘friend’ came over once and scoffed that my house was ‘barely a house’ she lives at home with her parents 😂 no money or anything to her name. Maybe it’s jealousy?

[@Janelolll]

Growing up me and my family lived in a 2 bedroom 1 bathroom house that was smaller then your average apartment, we weren’t even poor that’s just the house my parents chose to live in. although I had to share a bedroom with my 2 brothers, it really wasn’t that bad and I was completely comfortable with it, until friends of the family and some others made me feel less then and like I shouldn’t be okay with it, then I had a “problem” with it. People want big houses because that’s what others make them think they need.

[@FreeDumb101]

Most people are up to their eyeballs in debt in the US. Everything is a giant facade. You'll doing it right.

[@LaylaMF]

There is huge difference between community and friendship. 🤔

[@signalfire15]

This is the correct comment. Thank you!

[@candyluna2929]

One of the things I realized was that I genuine care for ppl where as many don't give a damn about me.

[@stevendavis5095]

They probably do they just don’t go about showing it the same way you do and you have trouble deciphering between what you do from what they do. Comparison is the thief of joy

[@teetawn9454]

I can relate

[@ginab6142]

Same here.

[@tomnohmy1273]

Sounds like a good dude. At least he felt comfortable to ask big J. Sometimes what we think is odd is important to the next person, doesn't mean it's wrong what they're feeling.

[@signalfire15]

Agree.

[@boston312]

His name is Dr Deloney. Put some respect on his name!!

[@tomnohmy1273]

@@boston312 lmao. Get a life

[@road_king_dude]

It can be so hard to make friends as an adult man.

[@boston312]

As an American who lives half the year overseas, I can assure you this is an American issue culturally due to our emphasis on Individualism, clickish culture, superiority complexes and work alcoholism (due to our massive work hours and limited time for socializing). If you go to many countries in Latin America or SE Asia everyone is talking to each other in the streets and parties are rampant in which just about the whole neighborhood is invited. America really is a big Corporation where your purpose in life is to work and make money. Its not really meant to be making friends, partying or starting families. Yes many people try to do it but many fail (hence the 50 percent divorce rate)

[@genxx2724]

My friend moved back to Argentina after living in the US for 40 years. She was at a party, and met a friend of the hosts who was riding home on her bicycle late at night, heard the noise and saw people on the balcony, so went up and joined the party. I would have ridden past and gone home. I would have been hurt, humiliated, and ashamed my friends didn’t invite me to their party, and hope nobody saw me.

[@cur244]

Right in America the first question people ask about each other is what they do for work. It's never about a persons hobbies or interests outside of work.

[@MN-br5nb]

You nailed it. It’s American values for sure. Ppl are aloof and don’t want to be bothered. Let ppl on but keep toxic ppl out.

[@kathylovesmk]

I stopped getting invited by some friends because I never did the inviting. That type of group expects invites to be reciprocated.

[@jeromehenry4484]

Glad to hear a man is even interested in making new friends in 2023. So many men are only interested is online "friends" that will never be present to share in good & bad times of life (otherwise known as surface-level acquaintances). Learn from friendships that went sideway in the past, like put in reasonable boundaries for new friendships. But don't barricade yourself from potential new friendships.

[@bluered5527]

It is really hard as an adult to make friends I always keep people at a length . I've made a rule where I taught myself never to be clingy with anyone. This way I hardly ever misinterpret the relationship. If someone is clingy with me then I know there is potential but I'll never force 1.

[@jackie.mendoza]

I get the comments and how they’re saying to move on but point is, this is hurtful as hell.

[@angelkoh016]

Exactly.. the reality is that, it still hurts.

[@RonMcSwanson]

Social clubs are a great way to get around this issue. Whoever shows up shows up and no one is ever left out. Plus always opportunity to meet new people.

[@Kristen-ek9rz]

I'm 52 and my husband is 61. This is why I am grateful we never had a group of friends together......it works for some, but I like having one-on-one interactions with a friend here and there, and so does my husband. We have one couple we go out with occasionally too.

[@lindajohanson9131]

The friends that have a higher economic class might have casual meetings at country clubs or golf courses. Or the richer kids are in more costly activities together like ballet classes, sailing classes etc. Basically, the caller might be better off looking for groups of friends more like themselves.

[@elizabethpieters7798]

The world would be a better place if people would just get over themselves. Nobody has to include you in their lives and you are not entitled to invitations. And learn the difference between friends, associates and acquaintances.

[@Themoomabides]

I had a Bible study I was a part of that had “family nights” where single people weren’t invited. Which was me (29 at the time) and the divorced dad (50ish). That was really hurtful when they’d post on Facebook all the pics.

[@lyndalamb3221]

That's unacceptable for a Bible study group. I'm sorry they treated you that way.

[@diannebrett4074]

That’s horrible

[@Amaryllis-4U]

I had a friend who always refused invitations to join. And not just politely refusing, but making comments like, “I can’t I’m so busy at work - must be nice to have free time on your hands” And this was said with a tone of resentment. We eventually stopped inviting her. She then asked why don’t we invite her anymore? We said it’s because you never join us and always say you are too busy and seem upset when asked. She responded, “well yeah, but at least invite me so I can have the opportunity to say no.” What?!?! 😫🤦🏻‍♀️

[@LadyMarigoldWithers]

I have a friend I’ve invited to go out numerous times over the years (she says yes, it never turns into actual plans), I say I can drop in on her to catch up instead but there’s always an excuse on the day. Then she intermittently whines on fb about how no one is there for her and she feels lonely 😑. If she wasn’t still friendly online I would’ve got the hint ages ago but I’m done with her constant public pity-party so I haven’t offered in a long time, she knows where I am!

[@belladonnabudgets7362]

She wants her cake and eat it too. She can’t stand the consequence of her behavior and is expecting you to keep inviting her without any self-awareness on how the attitude and wording behind her refusal impacts you. I’m glad you stopped inviting her. She can stew in her feelings.

[@genxx2724]

Introverts: Want to be invited to the party. Don’t want to go to the party.

[@Amaryllis-4U]

@@genxx2724 yes but if the introvert refused nicely I’ll just say in the future, “I know you’ll likely be busy and not be able to attend, but such and such is coming up and you’re invited, just so you know🙂 I didn’t appreciate the resentful attitude.

[@genxx2724]

@@Amaryllis-4U Understandable.

[@keith2o9]

when you really think about it, making friends as an adult somewhat still feels like making friends in middle/high school. you tried to fit in, but you don't. you cared more about them than they do you. friends with high socioeconomic status are like the popular kids in school who looks down on other cliques. even if you tried to befriend someone, they will be talking about you to their other friends.

[@norse_cat]

These “friends” sound like people in a clique that are all a bunch of rich friends that only want their “kind” around them.

[@poopie6205]

As a rich person I can relate…. It just feels weird to hang out with people who are below you. In a way it feels like they are bringing you down a bit?? I don’t mean to sound like an elitist or anything but it is what it is.

[@DeoVolenteMedia]

In Proverbers it says "he who has friends, must himself be friendly." Don't strive to find the "right friends," be the "right friend."

[@Lila-m8e]

The caller mentioned how inviting people over to their small home helped improve things a little bit. That's the thing people want to be invited over, it's not about how small or big your place is, it's the gesture of being invited over as an act of friendship. And if the group continues to leave them out, then they should both find fun things to do without the group. Never hurts to actually make separate friends (husband having his own friends he goes out with, wife having her own friends she goes out with). The group dynamic doesn't always work for everyone nor does it need to. It may work for other people and that's great, doesn't mean it may work for you. Also bonding with people takes time, don't force it. It will come in time. Finding friends is trial and error, but can be worth it.

[@lsf71]

No need of many friends outside of your family. It just complicates life.

[@RepentImmediately]

No need for family in my experience.

[@boxesbinslidsllc]

No, you need people outside of your family. Everyone's family is not healthy.

[@ChaiLatte13]

This is why I don't have friends. Why bother with this drama, resentment and hurt feelings. lmao My husband had life long friends that started to blow him off and leave him out. They'd make plans and then at the last minute cancel. The last straw was that my husband was in the hospital and I called them to let them know and they never called or anything to see how he was. That was 15 years ago now. lol No I disagree with John. The caller needs to get the hint. They don't want him around anymore. This was a birthday party, not a dungeons and dragons night.

[@dalimrabet3087]

Lesson learned. Some signs do reflect the very essence of what people think.

[@lizwiens671]

I remember being intimidated by people complaining about how busy they were. Didn’t want to invite them over! It’s hard finding couple friends.

[@genxx2724]

Or people who say they have enough friends; they aren’t looking for friends.

[@lilolmecj]

You should never let your socioeconomic status keep you away from friends! I am 100% not pretentious in any way, and my husband did make a lot of money. About half of our friends were better off, half less so. Just be good people, be authentic, and sometimes people will hurt you, but that is the cost of loving.

[@texasgoddess323]

They are “friends” because of their kids, right? What if they don’t like the way they parent their child. Perhaps there are loose boundaries with their behavior. EX: I find it rude when children are allowed to but in and interrupt their parents CONSTANTLY. It affects the relationship b/w me and the mother. And unfortunately, I wasn’t as close to two friends bc of those kid boundary issues. Parents don’t constantly interrupt their children, as they play w other kids. They should be told, “When Mom or Dad is talking to a friend, you don’t interrupt unless it’s important”. OR maybe their child’s behavior is aggressive or unacceptable toward the other children.

[@sensimania]

I don't tend to hang out in groups. There are about 6 people who I actually class as friends. Everyone else are acquaintances. The people I class as friends don't all necessarily know each other, and they are dotted around the country, a couple of them even live in different countries. So if I decide to go out with my friends, its preferably one on one or a couple of them (in order to save time with the meetups). Its much easier that way (for me), especially if there are personal things they need to vent about but wouldn't feel comfortable speaking about those things in front of people they barely know. But what I think is weird is when I tell my friends that I've done something or attended an event (with someone other than them), and one or two certain friends might say "why didn't you invite me?" (in a whiney voice). These are middle-aged adults. If any of them told me that they participated in social activities without me (which they do regularly), the first thing I'd say is "that's awesome! Did you enjoy yourself?" It has never and will never crossed my mind to ask why I wasn't invited, because I fully understand that there could be a plethora of reasons why it wasn't convenient to be invited. E.g. they could've been invited by someone else, and its not the kind of situation where you just turn up with a +1 or your "crew", lol! Or enough people was going already. Or maybe I just didn't cross their mind in all the excitement of attending this event. I'm cool with all possible reasons.

[@216trixie]

I have a handful of people I actually call friends. After that, I have no interest in joining groups of people I'm too introverted I'd rather be home enjoying myself.

[@Zumcho]

Let's face it, rejection hurts at any age.

[@debfox]

Social media can REALLY hurt sometimes! I’m so glad I didn’t have it when I was younger. That would be really hurtful! I saw who I thought was a good friend’s wedding pictures and it really hurt.

[@FourSeasons04]

They didn't include you nor where they honest about it...don't allow people to punch you a 2nd time. No one needs a group of sometimey "friends," one or two loyal and dependable friends are sufficient imo.

[@2okaycola]

🤕 maybe it’s time to branch out of this kid group

[@iyanaomo]

Ugh, making friends with kids group parents are the absolute worst. I cherish my pre-established friendships, but as a highly introverted person, I dread the notion of having to make "friends" just because our kids are. I hate small talk to begin with, and most of the time, I'm too salty and brash for the other moms' taste. But by the time we show up, they've already formed their little cliques so I have very little patience for such nonsense.

[@sophiaiswisdom1]

It sucks to be left out but not overthinking it does help. You have to be perceived sometimes as you have a life separate from your friends too

[@bonjoursophie]

Sounds like a very young couple. Like fresh-out-of-highschool young.

[@thecramptons]

Honestly there are some 40 year olds who think like this

[@FTG2Eli]

These types of human behaviors happen quite often in the workplace...........leaving people out, separate groups, etc. That's the world. Do not grasp on too tight. Be mature and adult.

[@V31lCl0ud]

Leave. Find your right tribe!

[@eddieleejoseph2998]

Wow people have too much free time.

[@justtonee270]

This is why my friend circle is very small. I’m not one really to get feelings involved but I can see how one can be affected by this. Even inviting people over or out can sometimes seem helpless. I had a “friend” that I would invite to all my events and they never showed. Kept inviting and did a wife and kids things still never came. In the mean time, I see this person at others people events thru social media 🤔 Once people show you who they are believe them. Took it as, hey maybe I’m just not his cup of tea. My wife and I both have very small individual friendships and couples friendships. At the end of the day it is what is it. Just build upon what we have and don’t sweat it too much.

[@4everu984]

I stopped drinking and dropped and got dropped with lightening speed. All good, on average friends last 8 years. We grow and move on.

[@pugscaniche7866]

They don't deserve you... let them go and move on....

[@Juniormintz584]

I would just leave the Toxic group and go to a better area with better people and yourself and kids will feel 100 percent better. It also teaches kids that not everyone is polite and nice or have class. That’s all from me god bless dr jon and Sheila. Channel helps me daily god bless love Mikey McDermott had to make new account for KZbin

[@mr.h4714]

People focus too much on what other people think and do...... Not everyone wants to hang with everyone everytime. Thats okay. I have a lot of friends, sometimes im not feeling certain couples or the event planned I know they wont be interested in so I dont invite them. Some people think the polite thing to do is invite peiple to things i know they are not interested in, personally, I think thays a waste of my time and theirs.

[@Sam-lo6rt]

He should probably figure out how to do things alone/ with his wife. Forget trying to please and impress others. This guy complains like he’s still in high school

[@ljvue]

Stop being insecure. Nothing is exclusive. Have some boundaries. Keep it moving. Americans and their cliques.

[@boston312]

Im a little confused here. With record high inflation and massive work hours to combat this inflation who has time for this high school drama? Most people I know work 10 to 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. No one I know has time to be hanging out and figuring who wants to be their friends.

[@boston312]

this is actually backed up by statistics. Americans are working more hours than ever to survive record high inflation and our unemployment rates are at an all time low. Meaning that this guy (and others like him) are a minority in this country@@rpmmoth712

[@216trixie]

Inflation is down though, so.

[@genxx2724]

I had something like this happen, fortunately before social media. I was being excluded from a group of friends at work. It was women who were doing it, and I was never big on being friends with my own sex anyway. I was in the group, but I don’t fit in well with women. I’m not talkative and I’m not into fashion. One of the girls, the first one I befriended and who I was close to, called me and said, apropos of nothing, “If I wasn’t invited to a party, I wouldn’t even care. I’d be glad!” She repeated this a few times. I had no idea why she was saying such an odd thing. Turns out one of them had a party and I wasn’t invited. 25 years later I still work there, but rarely see any of them. I even stopped being friends with her because she’s a chatterbox and she gossips. She even spreads gossip about people she’s never met.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

It’s called friends and family by default.

[@anniechang6078]

I've been there with friends like this fellow. It was hard being friends who had high expectations and especially when they kept points on what they had done for you and your family. They took everything very personally. I just couldn't, and unfortunately, my husband and I had to step away.

[@truthbetold6942]

Hopefully, you were a mature adult and let them know, and you didn’t ghost them like a teenager.

[@sarahrichards5756]

So I think my friends not being honest with me would be hurtful as well. Do they have to do everything together? No... but not being honest?

[@onicamary123]

Too much time on your hands. Most of us are too busy paying our bills forget about a softball team lol.

[@boxesbinslidsllc]

The connection here is their children.

[@Welcome28487]

Some people never really grow out of the teenage high school phase of wanting friends. If y’all click then you click if you don’t then that’s fine. It’s better to get a hobby and enjoy time with family if you have one.

[@signalfire15]

Bruh, what?! How is it a teenage desire to want friends? Lol. Most people want good friendships in their life, regardless of age.

[@MissusTayIor]

@@signalfire15 “Bruh.” Most people are invested in their own families, life goals, and aspirations. If this caller was more focused on those things, he wouldn’t have spent the entire call sounding like a high schooler.

[@signalfire15]

@@MissusTayIor You know, some people can have “making friends” or “sustaining good friendships” as a life goal or aspiration. And some people’s friends are as close to them as family. Just because you don’t see value in having good people around you doesn’t mean that other people feel the same way.

[@Shortcake5]

Reminds me of a Bob Newhart episode. Pretty hilarious one

[@pixel6878]

They don't like you. Find new friends.

[@random-nz7dy]

Making friends is hard. Expectations need to be tempered because friendships change and expectations of the friendship aren't always tantamount. But this guy also needs to sell reflect. As somebody who has done that and who has been on the receiving end of hard social advice, i say this in kindness. This dude sounds incredibly intense constantly. It's difficult to want to have all of your social interactions with a friend group involve a person who is constantly extremely intense. (Just like the person who constantly corrects others or one-ups, etc). I think that's the problem. He even kept dominating the conversation with John, batting away John's advice. He sounds like a very nice guy but it also sounds like it would be very draining to hang out with him constantly lol Also, dude. You've clearly rubbed multiple friend groups the wrong way. So, i dont think this inference is out of line.

[@fleetofwjs1893]

I thought it was "party like its 1999".

[@bloomingale7868]

Why would you want to be friends with people who don’t want to include you? They sound shallow if it’s about sociopath-economic status.

[@stream_of_conscious9591]

I feel like the advice was missed here -- there was a deeper issue we all feel when we get left out. Suckssss … I’ve been there!!

[@kayn2756]

Lol, people need to learn to be ok without friends. 😂😂😂😂😂😂. This guy is trying so hard to fit in. Friendship shouldn't be this difficult.

[@KeepEmHonest2010]

It’s tiring hearing this dude explain this. Lean into your positive relationships and move on.

[@roylogan51298]

The longer you care the worse life gets people are mostly awful gotta get use to it

[@lav7161]

I feel like the message wasn't clear to the caller. The final minute that Deloney spoke was right on the dot though. The caller has an expectation that he is setting toward his friends but they are not mirroring it back AND they don't have to. Friendships work in so many different ways. Not one size fits all

[@Hunter2847]

I think youre wrong here John. You said he has some high standards and overthinking it. I disagree 1000%. Expecting honesty isnt having a high standard or overthinking. Did you find out about your friends card games on social media and then when you asked them what they did that night they lied to you? Didnt think so…….if you lie about something like that im out……..i have few friends but i have a few at least and if this happened i would distance from them or tell them this is not ok and see if reconciliation is possible but i, not for 1 second going to tell myself oh youre just overthinking or having honesty is too high of a standard. Honesty is the minimum of standards when it comes to friends and significant others. If you dont have trust you have nothing

[@phantomblacklove]

You seem draining to be around

[@Hunter2847]

@@phantomblacklove you seem annoying

[@RepentImmediately]

The caller has confused socializing with friendship. John has repeatedly discussed how deep his friendships are. But simply socializing with people doesn't mean they're your friends and that's all the caller and his wife are doing with these people.

[@Hunter2847]

@@RepentImmediately that may be true, theyre still wrong for lying. Im not saying the caller isnt at fault for expecting people to like him or hang out and be friends im only saying if we’re talking honesty then the standard should be not to be lied to. Maybe the caller and his wife are a lot and these people feel they have to lie. Im not sure but in my experience still you should just tell them. Just like when a lady called in who’s kids wouldnt visit for holidays and John said take them out for coffee and ask them whats the reason just tell me straight up. Same thing here applies imo, they dont have to go for coffee but when they see this couple at a soccer game or something and the couple asks them a question they should just tell them the truth.

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@Hunter2847lying is generally wrong but my guess is that they were trying to not hurt his feelings and avoid more issues in the future because my other guess is that the birthday boy or girl is the one who chose the guest list and they probably don't like the caller and his wife as much as some of the other people in the group do. That's just my guess but if that were true, what are they gonna say? Kyle doesn't really like you and so even though he tolerates you when we're all together, he didn't want you coming to his party? Group dynamics can be difficult and the fact that kids are involved makes it even more difficult. Me personally, if these were simply social acquaintances, I would not have asked cuz we're not friends (or family ) and therefore it's really none of my business.

[@BrendaBaBoom]

Gotta have a thick skin bcuz “friends” are gonna lie and not be honest …. a lot. ☹️

[@ashvaz7060]

Geez sir you’re an adult. Life goes on. Questions everything like what? Life ? 🥴 don’t take it to the heart , go hang out with your real friends . Speak to them or just move on . This will probably only make them walk on eggshells around you guys so you might as well move on.. sounds draining 😓

[@genxx2724]

Caller, consider all the other parents who were never included. How do you think they feel?

[@kittykat999a]

Texas? Texas is Baja Oklahoma!

[@Roosterboi21]

Don't know anything about the caller but he mentioned the difference in lifestyle between his family and the others. I could see the other familes excluding them if they regularly make comments like "Must be nice. We could never afford to do that" and other similar statements. And then also being scared to invite them over because of their house size. I think that just adds a weird dynamic to the group that can be draining to deal with. I have been around people who either A) constantly talk about how much money they are making and how great their life is. B) Talk about how broke they are and all their personal problems. When you are just trying to casually hang out with someone you don't wanna hear all that. Once you are close friends with someone you can get into that stuff.

[@lyrasus]

Tyler and his wife seem like they’re enmeshed and spending too much time in over analyzing. I hope they can truly relax, go with the flow and attract other good people

[@konye618]

I am the must standoffish person and some how people want to hang out with me. I am not really a people person. I do try to give-take in relationships as much as i can

[@216trixie]

"Friend group" Have not heard of this is this the thing people say? Lol.

[@dennisreynolds6915]

That sucks but maybe they don't like them. Could be religious, political or they are just new

[@butwhyshouldi]

He's focused on the lying, deceitfulness aspect of it which I completely understand. However, I would confront them in a respectful way and be like "hey, I just want you to know if there was a reason you guys left me out, I'm totally open to hear whatever the honest answer is just be real with me. If you didn't want to hurt my feelings I totally understand. But it hurt my feelings more that you lied to me." You should be able to be upfront with your friends if they are actually your friends. Stop all this passive aggressive nonsense.

[@miss.teetee1166]

As an adult, why would you even confront someone about not being invited to something? Doesn’t that sound a little elementary? and then act like they needed to explain why they didn’t invite you, that’s just too much. Yea, they should have been honest about their plans when asked but based on how emotional this guy is about not being invited to this event, I can see why they didn’t.

[@butwhyshouldi]

@miss.teetee1166 I agree with you but confronting a friend about not being invited to something and confronting a friend about lying are 2 different things.

[@FourSeasons04]

I don't believe he needs to waste his time with the group, their actions pretty much said what needed to be said. We don't want you around and are too cowardly to admit it.

[@candyluna2929]

Ppl in the 🇺🇸 need to get over two things: weddings/proposals and the entire best friend lie.

[@marlowilliams4264]

Can you elaborate on the best friend lie?

[@HazmatFatCat]

@@marlowilliams4264 The person you call your best friend probably doesn't call you theirs.

[@signalfire15]

Not a lie. Just because it hasn’t worked FOR YOU doesn’t mean it’s a lie lol.

[@shimmeringchimps3842]

I'd say the "best friend lie" is more that having a bestie has been romanticized as important, necessary, fun, rewarding, a top priority, and "forever." I spent way too long believing that lie. The truth is that friends come and go and none of them are really that important in the grand scheme of things. People are in your life for a reason or a season. Easy come, easy go.

[@signalfire15]

@@shimmeringchimps3842 For you, it’s not true. There are people who have LIFELONG friendships. Why is it so hard for others to accept that friendships do actually exist?

[@blubberbun]

i was at a wedding 2 years ago to so called friends didnt bother to pick me up when i was invited to the wedding.

[@toosense]

I’ve been part of a friends group for several years and have gone on server all trips together as a group. We went on a trip with one of the couples last spring and have kept it a secret because we didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. No pics on social media etc. It wasn’t as fun though so we won’t do it again. 😂 Seriously, it feel like a lie of omission and I don’t like it. The other couple doesn’t want us to say anything because they don’t wanna deal with any pushback.

[@216trixie]

That is very completely weird that you would be part of a group that you would go on a trip with a couple and then not tell the others and both of you have to speak quiet about it.😮

[@agricolaregs]

Yeah, I won’t be friends with rich people. It’s too hard. It’s not their fault. But I just can’t relate.

[@RepentImmediately]

Most rich people live very regular lives. That's how they stay rich.

[@jackiemiller6209]

This is why I will never call in to ask a question. Way too many people judge in the comments section.

[@brightpage1020]

The socioeconomic thing is real. We're not as open with richer friends because we don't think they'llbe comfortable in our humble digs and we can't afford big parties out.

[@agricolaregs]

I won’t be friends with rich people.

[@RepentImmediately]

A lot of wealthy people were once not wealthy and don't care about stuff like that.

[@RepentImmediately]

​@@agricolaregsthat's a good way to stay socioeconomically stagnant

[@brightpage1020]

@@RepentImmediately good point.

[@brightpage1020]

@@RepentImmediately thanks for the encouragement. I make excuses but that's my issue, not the wealthy's. I should reach out and find out. Maybe invite them to snowshoe on our trails or teach us cross country skiing... Then, it's not about our work in progress house, but rather bonding through exercise in nature. This town is big on nature. They have more nature preserves in an 8 mile area than I've seen around the country, and I lived in Colorado for a decade and California for a couple. Those have nothing on Norhern Michigan.

[@sarazink2237]

I think they jus felt rejected and that usually hurts for anyone. Sounds like him and his wife care about this group and have already made efforts to connect more intimately which says a lot for them.

[@DorothyM45]

Sounds like him and the wife are the problem. People never look inward.

[@terriesmith2616]

He and his wife sound too sensitive and take everything to heart. They need to learn to not take things to heart and let things go.

[@raspberrykissable]

They seem to be willing to self reflect. People need to be adults and be honest with each other.

[@phantomblacklove]

@@raspberrykissableself awareness doesn’t entitle you to people’s opinions of you, which you dub the “truth “

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

I don’t think you should go reckless all in, anything you say or do can be sued against you.

[@elizabetha8565]

Also maybe the one kids parents that threw the party onl had so much room or doesn't like them.

[@truthseekerjesusfollower6393]

This is why I don’t make effort to make friends or even care

[@scottgiles3053]

No one gets invited to everything all the time. Sometimes there is a reason, and sometimes you just get forgotten. Get over it.

[@sousous31]

Dude you can’t force people to be your friend. If they’re not inviting you its for a reason. They probably don’t want to be around you very much. Or you’re just a person to play sports with nothing more nothing less and probably get a bite to eat after but thats about it

[@marviveedee7198]

Actually ,a lot of people do care how small your house or that you have less money and they will think less of you .Get the feeling that could be the issue.