Outbreaks In Victorian England Confirm Coronavirus Can Spread Through Time | The Topical | Ep 34

[@sayantanguha707]

I originally read the upload date to be "11 years ago", instead of "11 minutes ago", and freaked out like crazy.

[@ivareskesner2019]

I hope you're ok. Have a glass of water and take a seat. If symptoms persist, contact emergency services. Good luck.

[@alexstewart2897]

098765 Craper you mean the GDC

[@shane9245]

Cascadia gang

[@DannySullivanMusic]

That hearing aids advertisement story is straight out of our dystopian future.

[@thenewbrazy9997]

Give it 5 years if we survive the corona virus

[@GinGie913]

Basically a black mirror episode

[@musik350]

I assumed you meant aids by hearing and was freaked out.

[@pacman10182]

there was a b movie about that, a brain implant that projected ads directly into the users brain

[@furiousfuryan]

Futurama has this but in dreams

[@brandondavidson4085]

"He's not an expert or anything, he just has the right tone of voice". Sadly, even nobody wants to listen to experts or people with the right tone of voice.

[@Charliedog1.]

That would be an incredible doctor who plot.

[@liamturman]

Yes!

[@mattrogers5188]

Who?

[@luminusprotect]

Ahh it would be a timeless episode

[@Wobakoff]

Watch another series

[@Charliedog1.]

@@Wobakoff Why?

[@ivareskesner2019]

Not only time. We're not even safe in our own headspace. It now also looks like it can spread using just the power of mind. A person can think themselves into an infection simply by worrying that they're infected. Great news for all the hypochondriacs out there as they will now be able to get real sympathy by simply wishing themselves sick.

[@redxsage]

For *REAL...?* _(Asking for a Friend.)_

[@qwerty_artist]

Yeah, I regret reading so many articles about the possible symptoms. I have no clue if I have it or am imagining it or am fucking dying. The Placebo effect is real

[@ivareskesner2019]

@@qwerty_artist Too true. All this panic is so unhealthy...not to mention disruptive. The empty streets are the only consolation.

[@redxsage]

@@qwerty_artist -- I literally did NOT believe _The FLU_ was a real thing for the longest time. It just seemed like an excuse people used to get out of school, work, or any other activity, like going to an *R Kelly* concert. I hadn't thrown up at all for decades. Since 4th Grade, forty years earlier. I often joked to my Buddies, _"If you ever see me throwing up...? Call the Paramedics, because I've been poisoned."_ Then, three years ago, I awoke late in the night and dived for a trashcan. I emptied my guts, took a deep breath, relaxed, then threw up some more. I ended up spending a lot of time on my knees that night, dry heaving into the trash can. Then that Fall, after moving from Los Angeles to my Parent's house out-of-State to look after them _(they were beginning to show their age),_ I was outside fighting mosquitoes and cleaning the yard. Suddenly, I felt ill, with a cold sweat, so I found a place to sit down and catch my breath. Eventually, I realized I was probably hungry, as I hadn't eaten yet that day. So I gathered my strength, made it inside, didn't feel like cooking, so I grabbed a bowl of cereal. That was good, but I still felt hungry. I had another bowl, but then I felt tired. I went to my bedroom and took a nap. I didn't know how long I had been down, but I eventually awoke. When I sat up, I knew. I dived for the trashcan and vomited into it. Each time I thought I was done, I'd take a deep breath, then vomit again. That happened several times before I finally settled onto the floor and slept again. When I awoke, I threw up some more. I think it was at least an hour I sat there, nursing the trashcan, before I was able to slowly, shakily, stand again. Cold sweats, nausea, headache, chills, fever, body aches... yeah, I had the Flu. Worse...? Somehow I lost twenty-to-thirty percent of the hearing in my left ear, too. The local news had stories of people contracting West Nile Virus from mosquitoes. Joy. Thanks for the warning.

[@gloopsgloops]

No that's Lynk's disease.

[@RareCandyRehab]

I love how this parody news channel gets far less dislikes than actual news. I’m proud of us humans. The Onion ftw.

[@ChaosBW]

I like how the onion has accidentally predicted the future several times I like how the onion has more real news than so called "real news"

[@zoewells3160]

The Citadel Cause it’s more reliable.

[@SunsetBear]

Somebody call The Doctor. Hopefully he has a medical degree as his name suggests, too.

[@Nulono]

He does! He got it in 1888.

[@rorymax]

But “doctor” doesn’t suggest a medical degree

[@chaotixthefox]

I believe in-lore the word doctor is derived from The Doctor.

[@Charliedog1.]

@@chaotixthefox Eh kind of. River song said that to 11 but Steven Moffat wrote letters when he was younger to the doctor who studio suggesting that.

[@kaiserredgamer8943]

SCP-049

[@Xpistos510]

I'm so glad that the Onion is on the case. We really need real news in these trying times.

[@swingkat]

I like how this post is flagged by KZbin as a covid-19 related resource. 😂

[@davidjohnson8655]

They link to local health authorities,nobody is being linked to this as a resource. You are fake news.

[@user-ov2fc5sd1e]

All I see is "category: comedy"....

[@rosshoyt2030]

@@davidjohnson8655 that's not what he meant, just that the Covid wiki shows up below vid

[@DanksterPaws]

These first 2 replies are boomers

[@user-ov2fc5sd1e]

@@DanksterPaws أوك

[@TailsIsDisappointed]

If the Coronavirus can spread through time, then we can get Plague Doctors back! Less get 'em bois!

[@2-_]

don't worry I'll be there soon

[@seamussmyth1928]

@@2-_ *YOU ARE A DOG*

[@ivareskesner2019]

Great, I've always wanted one of those tarred capes and beaked masks.

[@ETAlnes]

Oh, now that's a job I can see myself be happy in!

[@ankitwawage]

sign me in

[@DeSoulTV]

Let's all please pray for that soot-covered ragamuffin who lived 150 years ago.

[@ultimateblade4127]

What do people from the Victorian era stock up on/hoard for the virus?

[@redshift197]

Leeches and bloodletting knives

[@bigmanjorge]

@@redshift197 about 400 years prior to Victorian England that was the case.

[@markm0000]

Probably Opium.

[@slyseal2091]

snake oils and tree leaves

[@Haffy442]

They stock up on children, because a lot them are gonna be dying

[@strangeostrichgamer158]

Hi.. I'm here for my 14 hour back scratch.

[@phantomr277]

That title is probably the most creative news story The Topical has made yet! Second place goes to NASA losing the International Space Station.

[@Zharque]

This is really troubling, what if my ancestor gets the virus?

[@violetskydiver7684]

Not gonna lie, I thought Bluechew.com was a joke...

[@dedalliance1]

Must be your first time to the Internet lol.

[@MrCrashDavi]

+

[@celinerobin6150]

Makes sense. Who's gonna believe an ad that starts with *thwack thwack thwack*

[@badgerbush3556]

The humans figured it out. "Destroy the child" "Turn the fogs gay"

[@MajesticSkywhale]

The scariest thing about that Alex Jones quote is that it's been proven sort of true

[@rtg5881]

@@MajesticSkywhale And the freedom of men not to be slaves to women like for the past 10.000+ years turns us humans gay.

[@rtg5881]

@Mialisus Thats just evolution, no grand consspiracy required. #YesAllApeFemallels are like that and men are wired to fall for it. Heck, even men who do fall for it are not safe, see weinstein and cosby who were clearly innocent of their charges. But its simply not possible to have a fair trial on this.

[@rtg5881]

@Mialisus The truth. This problem is not societal, its biological. This is just how female brains evolved.

[@larrydotson2625]

Scratch my back as long as I want? Don't make promises you can't keep big boy.

[@chaoticsilver8442]

But... what if he *can* keep the promise?

[@eastseattle8511]

Nobody Onion news: someone coughs coronavirus into time machine

[@MaskOfCinder]

This is peak satire. Pack it up and go home. This will never be topped.

[@Invicta556]

This is like gta radio. Amazing.

[@laycebug3260]

That’s exactly what i was thinking

[@laycebug3260]

We should sleep together now

[@MarileeNumbers]

@@laycebug3260 The same thing was bouncin' around in my noodle. 😏

[@iloldthough6611]

First time I've been able to laugh about it while fearing for my immunocompromised mother....Thank you, I needed that.

[@YAH2121]

This shows how good the Onion would be if it was a radio station in GTA

[@lavenderandred_]

Can't wait for Cholera 2

[@phoephoe795]

"The last thing we *cough! Hack* need is COVID19 gaining the ability to travel *cough! cough!* across the radio-waves"

[@walterbell7193]

Sounds like a job for Dr. Seuss

[@youdamanyoudaman]

The only trusted news source

[@comhalain]

I was listening to The Topical in my headphones. Gotta tell you, those bumps at the BlueChew commercial might have made me hard of hearing. I guess I better call Miracle Ear next.

[@20alphabet]

Yes, the right tone of voice trumps any and all expertise, as news anchors prove regularly.

[@TABBYMUSIC]

Adam & Eve tested positive for the Corona virus pray for them 😔✊🙏

[@sophiaschier-hanson4163]

Honestly, I think this could probably spread under the radar fairly easily in the Victorian era. Respiratory illness of all kinds was super common and pneumonia in particular killed a lot of people.

[@queenmaryellen]

If time travel EVER becomes possible, then it's ALWAYS been possible All intelligence has been rendered meaningless. Finally.

[@redxsage]

Of course time travel is possible. Anything that may be conceived can also be achieved. Lookit... we're traveling through time now, only forward, though for now, for now, for now, for now, for now, for now, for now, for now... Aaand, we're back! _SO_ much to look forward to now...

[@laycebug3260]

How do we save the women

[@rowlie1245]

My mum walked into my bedroom at 6:52 ...thanks

[@matthewmorris9305]

I had a fisher price tape recorder when i was a kid.

[@Raptorcdxx]

Omg you guys are fucking awesome hahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@MarkH]

This sounds straight out of a Doctor Who episode. I love it lmao

[@commanderrankork8258]

Nice. Thank you onion!

[@elichaparo-lil_e2652]

The most reliable source out here

[@soup331emd5]

Hey lemme just INTERDIMENSIONAL COUGH

[@dwavenminer]

Rumour has it that Corrona wiped out the dinosaurs...

[@scottsmanship]

Prayers for baby Jesus 🙏

[@andrewarner2452]

Dang it this is why Morty should not have been given the Dalorian

[@AWormsPurpose]

You mixin up media?

[@deadshotios9426]

Lmao this is hilarious

[@SCRedstone]

>Lmao this is hilarious nigga this was uploaded 2 minutes ago

[@seamussmyth1928]

@@SCRedstone ikr so funny

[@AquaticSCP]

DeadshotIOS dude this is VERY serious

[@deadshotios9426]

SCRedstone yes I watched 2 minutes of it and it was hilarious, also the title

[@KvaGram]

Hey.. WHO? You may not want to put your label on a video from The Onion. Unless it is to warn of the satire, that is. lol.

[@olbradley]

Medieval peasants when COVID-19 reaches their era: *Bring out ya dead!*

[@bobgillis1137]

These are more believable than some of the mainstream corona articles.

[@maxxx6970]

I live for these titles. I don’t even watch all of the videos, I just read the titles in my notifications and laugh at it.

[@TheCrabError]

Looking forward to my back scratching!

[@redxsage]

Was there ever a sequel to, *_'Fun Toy Banned Because of Three Stupid Dead Kids'...?_*

[@ACuriousTanuki]

There haven't been any new developments. The kids are still dead so the fun toy is still banned. If anything changes I'm sure OPR will let us know.

[@redxsage]

@@ACuriousTanuki -- _Awww!_ I worked at *eToys.com* when that article was written. It made the rounds at the office. We all LOVED it! Besides, I wanted to try out the toy myself... It really did look fun...

[@mr.scarytheterry5039]

Getting a NightVale vibe on this one

[@ohdah3487]

This is the only channel that would make me sign up for the cash app

[@Max-el7zd]

Coronavirus? More like, Chronosvirus!

[@helicocktor]

please bring back the old skits

[@DarkestofTimes]

Not gonna lie, you got a chuckle out of me with the bit about,how there are some things money can't buy, but for everything else, there's MasterCard™.

[@thehoustonstrangler2]

im interested in that bluechew

[@tyro244]

Hey! Where'd my Tropical go? :: grrrrr ::

[@nickk4346]

So shouldn’t that mean we should be safe since they all had it

[@zoewells3160]

Time doesn’t work like that in almost every time travel story.

[@nicholasbyram296]

Too soon, Onion, too soon. You're between the two towers, here.

[@Amberlicous5568]

Soot covered ragamuffins 🤣

[@xavierartis7458]

Lol I didn’t realize I clicked on the onion and I thought this was real for a sec

[@righttorecord3538]

Bring back the talking heads. This isn't radio.

[@grmph]

And now, the weather. Welcome to Night Vale.

[@nvythedead8257]

the date is wrong

[@dontspikemydrink9382]

how?

[@Fuzzthefurr]

...Was that Cookie Masterson at the end there?

[@jonathannuamah3296]

Did the Onion cross the line...?

[@thebidendotwin2926]

Can we get a factcheck on this please?

[@LordFlaggy]

factcheck! there its true

[@rezwarrior615]

You guys should get a contract with gta online

[@zoewells3160]

So I guess that makes it... the CHRONOvirus!

[@ChurchoftheLatterDayShrek]

This shit is getting Insane

[@AquaticSCP]

You can scratch my back *any* day 🙃

[@iainburge]

Is that meow song a Futurama reference?

[@EssentialLiberty]

This is on par with media overhype of the Boomer doomer

[@RyanRaimondi]

2:41 Thank you, Onion. I’ll make sure not to jump back and forth while going back to the Cretaceous period and not giving it to the dinosaurs.

[@2-_]

I love this

[@CrittingOut]

Idk it just doesnt have the charm of the news room videos

[@creativename6767]

7:38 Maybe they can turn it into a movie or something

[@creativename6767]

@OfficialTheOnion this is Saul Goodman speedy justice for you

[@agent-sz2qj]

rule number (i don't know, insert number here) : if it's free it has ads

[@TheSnakeIsSolid1]

Do a kick flip!!!👍

[@yeetleslaw8529]

oh fuk! I just brought my time share and conrana ruined my time traveling vacation. what the hell.

[@tmseh]

My butt is sooooo clean! I'm not worried.

[@adron4216]

Isn't it pronounced coke-leah?

[@swagpotato3396]

bruh_sound_effect.wav

[@hotsprinkles]

NEWS FLASH: disease begins existing sooner than expected, scientists just embarrased to admit they messed it up. I KNEW THE ONION WOULD LEAD ME TO THE TRUTH

[@VineethPatil]

He is probably Helge Doppler from DARK

[@ringkite]

ayyyy you broke your cherry -- congrats on the wrongthink info box!

[@Jagerbomber]

Cat Loves Food Yeahyeahyeah yeah.....

[@Dsdcain]

Still *way more* accurate than Chinese state media coverage of this virus outbreak.

[@Mr.Boy112]

What blood letting doesn't work!?!?!? We are all doomed

[@black1blade74]

Is this the guy who voice acts jackbox?

[@nuts3120]

My grand grand grand grandpa got coronavirus :'(

[@AlphaPsyka]

It may be fake news but hey, at least its news that's not just all about the Coronavirus...

[@ZeeengMicro]

I hope the virus won't get the aliens out there.

[@admiralsnackbarkekwalice6167]

Fucking what.

[@gonzothecat5901]

Remains. . . Or remained? In critical condition lmao

[@abeggarsbazzokasoldier9138]

In the twisted alternative history that exists in i wonder if there is hEAring aids (micro transactions and all)

[@zoewells3160]

Wait, ‘space and time’? Don’t most viruses transmit through space? Unless you mean outer space in which case, no, it’s still on Earth, just in the past. Don’t mind me though, just nitpicking, this is a really funny video, this new Onion podcast reminds me of Welcome to Night Vale in places.

[@voodoodolll]

"‘space and time’? Don’t most viruses transmit through space?" Yes... So it's traveling through space AND time.

[@zoewells3160]

SensualCream But why point that out? What virus doesn’t?

[@voodoodolll]

@@zoewells3160 Language used to emphasise a statement to comedic effect, I'd imagine. I'd try not to think too hard about it, it's the Onion. If they were being literal I'd be worried.

[@imreplyingtothiscomment2378]

Rip

[@amosbehavedcalm]

Bluechew is real? OmG

[@tombeaven5994]

Weetawded

[@Yor_gamma_ix_bae]

the tropical