Overcoming Toxic Shame: 4 Signs and 5 Solutions

Guilt and shame are sometimes intertwined, but one is an internal experience, and another is an external experience. Healing from shame allows us to have a healthier relationship with ourself, and those around us, free from the chains of the past and standing in the truth of who we are.
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#Shame #Fear #Relationships

[@ovidiudrobota2182]

My biggest challenge in life is overcoming toxic shame. I feel painfully self-conscious in public --- in the eyes of others. I'm socially awkward to the point of making others uncomfortable around me. They can sense my toxic shame.

[@darkfeather6857]

Me too. :(

[@KeeslerKlan]

Question about number 2. What about children? As kids we don’t get to choose who is in our life. Or if we are abused or not.

[@calrey]

Yeah. There's a lot of people that walk around with unresolved childhood trauma and for some reason this "expert" is unaware of that along with general childhood development. When children are abused they often grow up to be adults who are attracted to people who are also abusive. That said, they can also become the abusers as well. People literally don't know what they don't know and normally fear what's unfamiliar or just aren't aware that there's other ways of living outside of their own.

[@Wendy-dc7yc]

Yes the trauma starts in our childhood and he has spoken in other videos and book, that we carry around the shame of those childhood wounds in adult life. That’s why we are attracted to abusers because it is familiar, but we can get free of that.

[@AB-ws4kt]

Wow, this is a lifelong problem I have struggled with due to childhood trauma. Thank you for summing it up so perfectly ❤️✨

[@adamrosefire]

This was probably the best bang for the buck video on this topic I’ve seen. Really helpful! That room you’re in is really sweet to!

[@sandylucas4279]

I love how you are giving us tips how to get back into our bodies (& out of our heads). The tip on how to feel the whole body while making a fist is great, I immediately started to do that with everything. Doing it brings me into the present moment too. I'm also using Peter Levine's exercise (in his book Healing Trauma) to tap every part of my body while saying this is my hand it is part of my body and so on. Thanks Kenny!

[@kennyweiss]

You are welcome and his work is fantastic and very helpful

[@DAClub-uf3br]

There are things that i will never tell another person.

[@janeperkins]

and even knowing the truth, the thought of healing is scaring me to death i am so afraid

[@denyseu.rurangwa7469]

Thank you!! But you only provided 4 solutions. You skipped the 3rd one😢. I hope I will overcome this state that I am in.

[@2biicoachingformndkarlotto317]

Great experience with the fist exercise 👍thanks Kennny. Training my emotional intellegens muscle ❤

[@adamcotton9657]

Can totally relate to this dopamine addiction for wants, buying crap, fast food, video games. Instead of looking at my needs great content Kenny amazing thanks brother.

[@debrawhite4514]

Much to think about here. Examining dualities and consequences, as in blame and shame; locating responsibility in an active way or thrusting it upon another; choosing to be passive or active; reckoning needs and wants without sabotaging one's self, misappropriating pain away from one's core rather than feeling in the core; and a handy way to recognize the mood that we allow to dominate our being by intensifying it and then bringing about the opposite in the way we hold ourselves to see that we can control our moods, This is like looking in a mirror in clear light instead of lurking in the self-sustained shadows of our existence in order to move on, not stewing in our own labyrinth, but forward to the freedom to choose. Valuable insights! Debra White

[@kennyweiss]

Thank you Debra

[@NEbluefire]

I think that when you say the statement "Why am I always picking these loser men or women?" that's not really a self shaming statement. That's much more judgment about the other person. And maybe they have it coming, but shame would be something like what I admit that I do, which is climbing down into the pit of whatever it is, that they said to you at the end, which is usually pretty horrible, or did to you at the end, which is usually worse, and feeling that you ARE everything that they tried to make you feel like you were. It's the same thing that makes us try harder to please narcissists because they're saying or doing some thing that's making us feel like we're not attractive enough to them in some way, and we believe it so we get caught in a cycle of trying to prove ourselves so that that self-loathing feeling will go away.

[@skjelm6363]

Many tanks to you, helps a lot to hear this at this moment so summarized! And I like the example with the hand. *offtopic or as a little thank you I can teach you something back:* viruses can't grow in petri dishes, they are for bacteria. A virus is just a string of RNA that needs a host cell to replicate it. Sorry for smarty-panting, but as a BTA I had to comment and you maybe know it already after 2 years the video came out. ^_^

[@theChannel40]

Hi Kenny, I came across your video and must say this resonates a lot! Im currently really struggling with toxic shame and a sense of I'm not worthy. It's gotten really bad to the extent that I thought about taking some medication. I want to get out of this rut without going through that route if I can help it though. I'm currently unemployed after having left my career to finish of a course I was doing. I found it difficult to start the new career probably due to fear of failure which again links to not feeling worthy enough. I feel shame as I'm not earning and my parents are having a tough time with finances. As a male in a brown household I feel responsible to some extent. So there's shame. On top of that all of a sudden shame from the past has come, I ended a friendship exactly how you described in the video. Not having boundaries and then blaming the other person for taking more from me. All this too cover up my sense of unworthiness. Is it possible to work on this and heal while the job searching is going on? Or is getting a job the priority here as it is linked to the experiences I'm having at the moment. The issue is the feeling is too strong for me at the moment, to the extent that I pace around the room at times throughout the day and I don't get much sleep etc

[@AvonleaMontague]

When I've felt shame it never, not once, had me thinking i was actually bad as a person. It is a perspective I haven't heard discussed before and I iwh somrone would.

[@angelicacroitoru4946]

At 3 years old being sexual abussed, living in a neglectfull family, I felt that I was bad.

[@letterscreative]

Very informative Kenny, I suffer toxic shame daily, and try to understand how to handle this. Much appreciation from Sweden.

[@aetherpaul]

Thanks for the video. I experience the same groundedness when I exercise also.

[@kennyweiss]

You bet!

[@haihai5293]

Very good video, very good.

[@neetulal1020]

love ur video and truly helping us with the trauma we carry within our body and brain.

[@EmilyJones-w2k]

100% agree with this. I think the key thing you said and which really helps me is to shed light on it. i do this by journaling and somehow with kindness and compassion the spirit takes me to an understanding as i write down my feelings and thoughts. Each time the shame rears its head in my life I know there will be a new revelation to be found within the journaling. It is so libertaing and exciting that the shame shifts! i never get tired of going in search of healing as each time the recovery involves shedding more light and the shame is exposed for what it truly is.(lack of self love) Now that I have asked what lesson i needed to learn from it I am learning it is something which was there to protect my younger self but which is no longer needed .

[@jgannon1637]

this could be the best video ever made by a human. thanks. Love.

[@heatherpalmucci5999]

Super helpful

[@freemind7388]

Kenney is a suave, elegant therapist

[@NEbluefire]

@@freemind7388 He has an eye for color, no doubt.

[@shilparani3726]

Where is the third step🤔

[@supernova2897]

Glad I found your channel. Thank you for your hard work.

[@kennyweiss]

Me too. Thank you 😁

[@heatherpalmucci5999]

This is sooo good and important

[@hyperaesthesia]

What a mess.

[@xooq_]

marvelous

[@ashleysmashley444]

Thank you!

[@Tanjastrbac11]

No, if somebody makes you guilty for everything all your life, you can have internal guilt. ;)

[@synesthesiafilms]

Thanks!

[@kennyweiss]

You bet!

[@sandraritchie6512]

Your so good just like me. Just what I need

[@elftower907]

Yes Coca Cola !

[@elftower907]

I don’t know why putting my awareness on my shame isn’t enough to heal it.

[@elftower907]

I think new actions must be the only way

[@tonidenicola9222]

Kenny… give up that coke cola and heal your pain. You can do it. Start to limit yourself. That soda is your safety net. It gives you comfort. Put a penny in a glass with the soda and see how the penny will rust. Get a visual and see what it is doing to your inside. Call me and I will help you, You are an amazing person and you are helping so many. Remember you can be powerful or pitiful but you can not be both ❤️

[@kennyweiss]

Thank you so much for your care and concern Tony. I''m sad that my imperfection is so distressful for you. I can only speak for myself and for me, it is a perfect imperfection that I am perfectly fine with!

[@tonidenicola9222]

Oh no. You are fine. No distress here Kenny. If you love it… drink it. ❤️. I am not sure you are imperfect that you think you are. You are way above many.

[@KeerthanaR22]

❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@paulross9287]

How could you skip right over being heartbroken over someone you love breaking up with you?