Overwhelmed By Divorce: What Actually Works

I'm a divorce recovery coach for men, and I offer high impact, highly personalized programs to help my clients stop the pain of divorce, regain their confidence and move forward with purpose, hope and energy.
Learn more, join my community or apply to work with me here: www.rachaelslo...
Free Resources
Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE
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Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage
► resources.rach...
Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?
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Work with Me
Coaching Programs ➭ www.rachaelslo...
Learn more ➭ rachaelsloanco...
Shoot me an email ➭ [e-mail]
Helpful Books for Divorced Men (affiliate links)
► The Full Body Presence - Gives gentle, accessible exercises for somatic processing of emotional pain and trauma
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► The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time
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► Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Concrete tools and exercises for rewiring the brain and reimagining your sense of self and purpose
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► Legendary - Inspiration and a powerful perspective for stepping into your potential
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► The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture - Brilliant, in every way. This is an amazing resource for understanding yourself and your ex wife and finding the clarity or compassion you need to forgive.
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► Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Help - Intense and well researched. I would recommend this book when you are past the early stages of divorce and have a stable support system in place.
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I’m Rachael Sloan. I’m a divorce coach for men. I’m also a Master NLP Practitioner, a certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce, a unique approach to divorce recovery based specifically on the needs of men.
I help divorced men move from the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. In these videos, I intend to help you do the same.
DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.

[@georgesontag2192]

As a divorced man, i can tell you how to prepare yourself. Get ready, you are going to lose everything you own in family court. They will let you have your clothers, shaver and a car. You need these so you can get to work and pay your child support and alimony. The Disney life you were told about wont happen. Even if you have something left over, the lawyers take it. The more you had, the more the lawyers take.

[@anthonyharmon9265]

Yes, just happened to me. No custody but an enormous amount of child support...which will fund her lifestyle. I wish she would just...you know. The evil witch deserves hell..so does her lawyer.

[@stevehiscox3075]

I have watched this many, many times to keep my head above water. Thank you Rachael for this. I feel like I'm losing too much all at once. It feels like I'm in a walking nightmare. I'm looking for some hope in all the rubble.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Hi Steve, I'm glad the video is helping, and I'm so sorry that you're going through this. There is HOPE. I've been amazed at the transformations I've seen men go through... it is almost impossible to believe when you are deep in the pain, so please keep seeking these rays of hope. The more your brain believes it might be possible to feel better the easier it will be to take actions that will help. The key to all of it is the nervous system - losing a primary relationship sends the nervous system into fight/flight and often into a freeze state. In that physiologic state it is not possible to access certain parts of our logical mind. Our perspective narrows. Our focus is only on the problem. Time shifts, with the future often dissolving. It is hard to see anything but the hurt. When we calm the nervous system we flip all this over. Vision expands, the future returns, we start to see things outside of the this hurt, our perspective comes back, and we see the actions we can take to support ourselves in finding happiness. Focus on calming the nervous system - therapy (especially somatic or trauma informed) is helpful, breathing exercises work well, exercise can help and the regulation exercises I teach inside my Better Beyond Divorce App work well too. You can find the app here if you'd like more support and inspiration: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/bbd-free-app

[@JustinRyan-ct7tq]

Been two weeks since my wife told me she does not love me anymore. Im 35 and have been with her since I was 19. I had so little life experience and once we got 8 years into it I was to in love and just kinda went all the way in. That was a huge mistake. She was a terrible wife but I also was not always a good husband. I have hatred towards her but also guilt of my role in this. We don’t have kids thank god but I’m more worried about my future never have dated, and terrified of this unknown future and terrified of being alone forever.

[@jonfarhat]

Currently divorcing with twin littles and older children in the mix. This process has been excruciating 😳 and it's like i dont even recognize the person that i was with for 10 years😞. What youve said in this video and your other videos has made me realize that i wasnt the only one with faults and that my ex just doesnt want to look like the bad person so she makes me out to be. I constanrly question what went so totally wrong and why shes said the things shes said about me to everyone. Its hurtful, emotionally and financially, but at the end of the day, im hoping to find peace in my nee normal.😐

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Hi Jon, thanks for being here. I'm really sorry that you're going through this, especially with little ones and your older kids. It can be a lot to try to hold everything together for them when you're struggling so much yourself. Peace is an attainable destination. I've found that the more fully you can understand yourself from the inside out - how and why your brain, emotions and behaviors all are the way they are and how they interact - the easier it becomes to understand your ex's choices, including her cruel words. In my experience that deeper understanding of the complex interaction between our thoughts, feelings and actions is what allows us to move from regret or anger to compassion... and then from compassion to acceptance and eventually peace. It sounds like you are well on your way there. I know how excruciating the path itself can be. If you ever find you'd like to go deeper, access more resources or get more support, please check out my Better Beyond Divorce App. The free version has a lot of great tools on it, and there are options for more coaching and a deeper dive as well. You can find it here if you're curious: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/bbd-free-app Thanks for being here and taking the time to comment and share a little of your story. It makes a difference to me and I know that hearing others' experiences helps the other guys here too.

[@jonfarhat]

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach I will definitely check out the app. I've found that switching my "routine" has been helping a bit, but there are still times of depression that just can't be avoided. It's part of the process; I prefer a more direct form of closure. Tha k you for your reply. I'll stay tuned to see what else you put out into the world👍

[@Janine466]

Nice yellow teeth. no wonder your wife ran to the hills.

[@northernmichigan4108]

Wow, this was spot on. Going through divorce now and am completely alone and lost.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

I'm really sorry you're going through divorce, and even more so that you're alone with it. Having a community behind you that understands what you're dealing with can make a huge difference, as can having some step by step tools. If you haven't yet, please check out my free masterclass. It will give you more step by step tools for managing the emotional fall out, and it will also show you how to access a really amazing community of men in similar situations. You can find it here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register

[@northernmichigan4108]

@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach Thank you. Any videos/masterclass recommendations on going through all of this with young kids?

[@Youknowme1897]

6:15 That sentence just hit me in the stomach...I'm 14 months out of my separation and I feel like I've been in a freeze for most of it.

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

Do you have any support to help yourself move out of freeze? A therapist who does Internal Family Systems or Somatic Experiencing can often help a lot. You might also find these resources helpful: Video describing the nervous system in freeze: kzbin.info/www/bejne/mKObXqSbl898ndUsi=PooRZUH6z5wyZyWb Free masterclass (from me) with more tools for emotional regulation to help you move out of freeze: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/masterclass-register

[@ThegreatBiss]

My wife wants a divorce, she wants to explore her sexuality. I feel hollow and empty. I have three kids with her. She says she loves me but she felt like it was a loveless marriage. I feel only pain, my heads light and i dont want to exist anymore. I honestly cant cope as well as i thought. I just want to die and stop feeling pain. But at the same time i want to live

[@aaronhemi4549]

Living is the better option buddy..them feelings will fade and you'll look back and be thankful for the life you have..and I know it hurts..trust me I'm a month in from when my wife left. Stay strong man life can always get better if you let it!

[@sljones9103]

Just don't commit suicide it will pass even if it takes 2 years

[@rickyfargason8859]

I've been divorced after 27 years of marriage. 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman. You are not alone. There are millions of men out there who are going through the same thing. I felt the same way. I contemplate it every day. I have lost everything. The most crushing part is the loss of identity and purpose. A reason to live. However I decided to not give her the satisfaction of self deletion. She won't feel any remorse or guilt. Stay alive. Live another day. Focus on yourself. Workout. Spend time outside in nature. Find a hobby. Stay busy, so you won't think about it giving you time to heal.

[@tgfearing4038]

⁠​⁠@@rickyfargason8859wishing you the best and found your words to be helpful. That feeling of just not wanting to go on can be so overwhelming.

[@humanistology]

Unless you were an absolute prick to her, remember the Divorce is not about you…she doesn’t know what she wants and she is (abusingly) taking you and what you’ve done for her for granted. She will be losing you, not the other way! Never go back to abuse brother…you will get through this (horrible) point in life but it’s up to you how; there is happiness after Divorce….I’m 1.5 yrs post D and 2.5 yrs post separation but I’m free from guilt, happy more often than not, and I don’t need “permission” now as an adult…Good Luck❤️‍🩹

[@ToastMaster011]

This is so helpful. Thank you for letting me know I’m going to be ok and there is a way to get through this. I have never experienced depression before and it’s much tougher than I thought it would be

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

You're welcome. I'm glad this one was helpful. It's incredibly tough. Many of the men I work with tell me it is hands down the toughest thing they've ever faced, and a lot of them have been through war, childhood trauma and other massive challenges. That's why I find this work so inspiring. I get to see men come out the other side of this, every day. They find peace, hope and even trust and new relationships. The resilience of the human mind, heart and nervous system is surprising and beautiful to witness. I will tell you that it does help to have support. Doing it alone is hard. Support can come in a lot of forms - friends, family, therapists, counselors, support groups, etc. The key is to have a place where you feel connected to other people, and understood. Maybe you have some of that in your life already, in which case please lean into it and don't be shy about asking for help. If you don't, please prioritize those connections. I offer a monthly membership and a deeper six month program which both give you access to an amazing group of men going through similar challenges. If you'd like more details you're welcome to read more here: www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/better-beyond-divorce or reach out to me directly by email. [e-mail]

[@Spiderman519]

You are so on point Mrs Sloan . Thank you so much

[@hericsale]

I felt like everything you discussed I can relate to. Recently divorced

[@aaronhemi4549]

Night one! And I instantly turned to your videos to get through it. Thanks again

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

You're welcome. I'm glad you're here. Thank you for watching and commenting. It's great that these videos are helpful... these early days can be heavy though, and having direct support makes a big difference. Do you have some folks in your life you can reach out to this week?

[@aaronhemi4549]

@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach it's been a rough few years for us. have vented to a few over that time but I also realize I'm the one in it and am the only one who is feeling the pain from it. I'm not suicidal or anything. Very sad it has come down to this. Just going to pick up the pieces, sort through it and discard what no longer serves me..your videos help that process. It's just going to take some time but I ready to start the next chapter. Maybe i can get a few things right in this one huh. 44 and single is my new reality and I will embrace all I can. Thank you for your interest Rachael..keep on doing what you do..your helping more than you could possibly know 😉

[@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach]

@@aaronhemi4549 your attitude is inspiring. Thank you for being here and for sharing it. It sounds like you are taking a position that isn't always easy, but is, in my experience, necessary for really healing - accepting the reality of the situation (along with the sadness and everything else that goes along with that) and turning your vision forwards to this next stage of your life. I'm glad the videos are having such an impact. You're welcome, and thank you for telling me how helpful they are - those comments inspire me to keep doing what I'm doing! If you find you want to go deeper or could use some more resources and tools, check out the BBD App. The free version has a lot of great resources, and there are also options to get more support if you decide you'd like that. You can find it here: resources.rachaelsloancoaching.com/bbd-free-app Thanks for watching. I look forward to chatting with you in the comments or perhaps seeing you on a live stream!

[@jimbramley1470]

Very helpful Rachael

[@lotusmccary9365]

As a woman who is the bread winner ...

[@urbanart7325]

When you realize your mistakes it's more manageable. I know that I did not offer my wife unconditional love that she deserved

God bless you

[@user-kd1zq7ti4x]

Most men cant fathom their wives see them as a paycheck. Women will leave if they can maintain or increase their financial status. Is what it is.