i FINALLY read a little life and this is what happened.

did i finish the book, or did the book finish me?
content warnings: self harm, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, disordered eating, physical abuse of a minor, domestic abuse, abuse of character with a disability, loss of a child, drug abuse/addiction, sexual assault/rape, pedophilia, ptsd, forced prostitution of a minor
links
goodreads / paperbackdreams
email me @ paperbackdreams13(at)gmail(dot)com

[@laurenhudson7316]

hi, dad

[@paperbackdreams]

excuse me i read this for you and tHAT’S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY. LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE MADAM. I AM IN SHAMBLES.

[@toypianos469]

The Holiday arguments that this could kindle is compelling.

[@rimbluebooks]

Mmmm where's my popcorn

[@katherinefoote4448]

Why is this an argument that would happen with my sibling?

[@laizzferreira5925]

Kalakakkal

[@VVVU2x]

The front cover of the book is literally just a picture of somebody who read the final draft.

[@paperbackdreams]

ain’t that the truth

[@joselocalau123]

It's actually a picture of a man orgasming

[@evies.1018]

It’s what my face looks like during finals 😂

[@madelainerowley8854]

leicanoct If some of the subject matter in the book is a trigger for you then it’s going to affect your psyche

[@colette.78]

it looks like jim carey

[@karlykd4961]

I read those last 100 pages on a plane. It was A MISTAKE. I didn’t know it was going to be so bad. Hostesses came to comfort me, it was a whole thing. I don’t recommend being outside your home when reading this!

[@petrouchka_]

I remember going through "The Happy Years" while on a train for 4 hours and listening to Bon Iver's i;i. I've set myself up too, I feel you!

[@seenazee479]

I was on a beach! My fiance have to comfort me and we just went straight home! Lol glad to know i was not the only one

[@greendayfecer]

Louise Pétrouchka I’ve never read this book. I also don’t plan on reading it, because it could trigger the fuck out of me. But the moment your talking about is like a rule of thumb for drama shows. When I first got into the walking dead (in 2016) I went in strong. And one of my favorite characters died. I watched that episode while I was on campus. Internally cried, because I watched said episode right before a class. And then I texted one of my cousins about said episode. Her immediate response: “why did you watch this episode in public? You never watch the walking dead in public” You may be asking yourself why? The answer is simple. The walking dead makes you care about people during a zombie apocalypse. But..it’s a zombie apocalypse. All the shit happens.

[@RD-oo6yq]

@@greendayfecer hey! Big TWD fan. Which character are you talking about

[@ayisasirek7790]

Wait so should I not read the book then? Is it really bad or do you mean the ending is just terribly sad?

[@PulasthiKeragala]

this is the student I aspire to be, one who considers the actual studying as the break itself

[@poojarana6635]

Likewise

[@_the_palest_3000]

Me too! I’m too lazy

[@hiitsabbi]

Me: watches her have an entire breakdown over this book Also me: *adds to tbr*

[@DiedYesterday]

Ok but like ME

[@brooke.n1455]

Yep I added it to my tbr as well so love that, cant wait to cry😌💅

[@evila9759]

Got my copy a few days ago, I'm scared.

[@mjwest4968]

I immediately bought it. I keep reading then coming back to video to see what she has to say about the chapters I just read

[@eci.is.living]

Same here

[@khuloodsirleem7416]

Its those small moments where Jude thinks to himself that he doesn't deserve anything good or happiness because he thinks he is dirty and deformed. It broke my heart everytime he thought this.

[@sultaya97]

I read this a month ago and I still remember it even now. I tried finding books that could hit the same level of raw emotion but so far nothing has come even close.

[@fae2488]

I haven't read the book but honestly the comment made me start to tear

[@khuloodsirleem7416]

@@fae2488 I'm not a very emotional person but this book made me cry so many times

[@graceducroiset3323]

it hurts how much he hates himself

[@sultaya97]

@workingonit omg I have 😭 And a thousand splendid sun's! Both were so emotional

[@lilyzanoff]

Wow the fact that Kat said “I’m on page 420” with a completely straight face shows how much this book is effecting her

[@yellowdiamondrocks]

*affect

[@pochi8846]

is this book worth reading? because I'm planning to buy it and there's only 1 stock left

[@lilyzanoff]

@@pochi8846 honestly, I would say no. The main reason everyone’s read is because of this weird trauma bonding type “this book emotionally destroyed me, you have to read it too”. If you’re really interested go for it, but it’s very triggering so be very very wary

[@treyethantyler3947]

@@pochi8846 it’s my favourite book. It is very triggering but the trauma totally pulls you into the story and makes you care about the characters. If you can handle the high emotions then I’d recommend it.

[@jamangel]

lol

[@gray181]

kat: everyone says this book is super sad but like... where? also kat: *intense sobbing*

[@paperbackdreams]

she didn’t know any better. what a FOOL

[@Sam-qo6bx]

paperbackdreams Lol

[@taybabycarat]

It was exactly me in chapter 1 but then chapter 2 came 🙃

[@glamshadow5]

“I don’t know if I would cry about Willem” Sure.

[@Nikkizsche]

S u r e

[@birdsofthebourgeoisie]

OMG i cried so much at the willem part - i mean, jude's part was kind of expected, but willem's? i cried for days

[@jenysamuel2780]

The lies that we tell ourselves

[@noorsheikh1930]

S U R E

[@AlQubra]

Just finished the book :,)

[@Amanda-xx2rd]

It broke my heart every time Jude apologized for something he had no control over. He always felt he had to apologize for just being him, even in the end.

[@cobeilema2208]

Fr :( and I have SO MUCH respect for Harold and Willem

[@Amanda-xx2rd]

@@cobeilema2208 yeah so do I, they truly loved him!

[@aselhsa577]

i cried more when i read why (when the brothers at the monastery said that he should apologize for literally his existence)

[@leobenjamin7950]

Especially at the very end in his note to harold :(

[@destituteanddecadent9106]

Isn't this kind of a massive, massive spoiler 😢 It's never too late to add a spoiler alert 🙏

[@katesmith4823]

Reading this book as someone who has gone through sexual abuse as a teenager, physical and mental abuse from a parent, and over 10 years of self harm addiction and suicide attempts, I have never read something that I've been able to connect with a character on this level. This book is not trauma porn, it is a beautifully accurate representation of how trauma erodes your mental state, and leaves lasting scares that makes every single relationship you have in your life a challenge. this book will stay with me forever x

[@instrumentalmeow]

Been waiting to see a comment like this because I was thinking the exact same thing😭😭

[@chrismyers4177]

Exactly, people who do not relate call it ‘trauma porn’

[@camih05]

@@chrismyers4177 i feel like the people who call it that also just don't really understand that people can go through NUMEROUS traumas throughout their life and not just one or a few things

[@luciaguzman1727]

When you said “we don’t know anything about Jude, he’s mysterious” I literally said ooooh honey you’ve got a big storm comin’!

[@luciaguzman1727]

AHSHWHW YOU ACTUALLY SAID ITTT GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE

[@haylen7720]

Hahahaha!

[@WolfScar11]

You finally reading this has the same vibe as when Leonardo DiCaprisun finally won that Oscar.

[@paperbackdreams]

HAH

[@rimbluebooks]

I would pin this comment coz it's accurate 😂😂😂

[@sarahlevine2397]

i love this comment

[@evies.1018]

DICAPRISUN! 😂

[@OGseoulite]

I thought the same thing😂😂 it was like FINAAAALLYYYYY 1000th like woooo🌠

[@jovanalukic3994]

"I'm gonna take a break and do some studying" is a sentence I thought I'd never hear in my life

[@o.steinman3855]

Jovana01 Lukic Tells you just how heavy this book is lol

[@citizenz4640]

lol

[@yousra3279]

It’s actually so fun and once you get hooked reading can start distracting you if you don’t make yourself a plan , I remember not studying what’s supposed to be studied just so I can study books ...

[@jamangel]

lol

[@dhaienebsgr]

exactly my thoughts

[@fabiovrocha1]

after being depressed for several days due to reading the book thief, I've learned my lesson.

[@karlaacosta1452]

I hadnt felt like I did with The Book Thief until I read this book, and the last 20 pages made me feel even worse than the book thief, so yeah. Still the two are on my top 5 for sure.

[@pennylane4718]

oh dear god thats my summer reading book :-| should i be nervous??

[@fabiovrocha1]

@@pennylane4718 Yes you should be very nervous haha. But it's an excellent book

[@talkingtoawall5123]

K lemme just add those to my reading lists. Does anyone know of any other good books like these?

[@rishanroy9f365]

Finally someone talked about this. The Book Thief was so cruel. The whole book and some specific scenes laid out and heartbreaking. The last part was :""(

[@avipshaghosh]

Who else wants to see a very detailed discussion between Kat and Lauren on this book?

[@Red-yb1my]

Yessss

[@sg_1541]

YASSS

[@avipshaghosh]

I have 1k likes on this comment. So I feel like,,, we need this content. 👀

[@aden.e]

i have a feeling this comment aged well

[@daniellemcgeorge4430]

‘the happy years’ THE single most inappropriately named chapter. congrats on finishing though! it’s definitely not an easy ride and I feel your pain.

[@paperbackdreams]

genuinely, like I FELT BETRAYED

[@chelseawilson7723]

"Part five is called, 'The Happy Years'. Won't lie to you: I DOUBT IT." I howled.

[@ixtcel]

honestly i did not cry for the huge parts because a lot of them came so quickly, but for the small things, just like you, i did. especially with “willem watching jude tell a story.” i was mostly shocked during the bigger parts.

[@MN-jd4xs]

i completely agree! i felt the exact same

[@BeAfraidOfJozie]

i completely agree!! the huge parts shocked me but “Willem watching Jude tell a story” made me sob for thirty minutes straight

[@Gabriel-qy1so]

@@BeAfraidOfJoziesame! that fucking part is one of the best pieces of writing i've read

[@mannnitsann]

YES OMG. when i read the book, i only cried once or twice, but after i finished, i cried for like half an hour in the middle of class

[@Thisworldisagoner]

I remember the first time I cried was in the ending of the section of when we get Harold's narrate for the first time and when the section ends with the line " and after that, you have nothing to fear again". God I bawled my eyes out.

[@rebeccacall6486]

the moment you lifted the book up and you were about to start "the happy years" i audibly gasped

[@DeepGam3r]

Sad librarian is here to steal our hearts

[@rheapramith]

*I'm here for the tears*

[@hellotherehi2826]

Full health restore

[@JordanBarclay]

Of course you are, squidward

[@teeb.a]

forced myself to start and finish this before finals. i really didnt think I'd cry so much but throughout and by the end of this: i realized i wasnt crying for the characters, i was also crying for my own life and trauma. i saw myself written in this, and by grieving the characters, i grieved myself too. i feel cleansed.

[@MsMel2104]

I felt the same way!

[@teresa8020]

This was exactly how I felt too! I thought a lot of the things Jude was thinking at one point and Willems words of comfort made me feel comforted too. But everything after, destroyed me. Made me feel a bit helpless. I felt like Harold in those final moments. Everything he said and felt, gosh

[@greyssellopez8431]

I felt just the same way, I was crying because never ever a character felt just in the way I felt for years, until Jude, he put my feelings in words and actions, and I understand the choice he make at the final 💕😭🥺

[@lodellas]

THIS 🥺

[@lodellas]

I have been looking for a comment like this. I've felt crazy... I did cry... But it was tears of understanding and relief and feeling known. Only in pieces.

[@findcare9967]

“i’m gonna drive now and i don’t wanna crash so bye” oh honey

[@readysetflyyx]

this is absolutely my favourite book and YES it ruined my life

[@readysetflyyx]

jo leaned not at all! it was definitely painful to read and the aftermath was also painful LOL but honestly i feel like it made me a better person. i don’t regret reading it at all. it’s one of if not the best book i’ve ever read!

[@dangermenatwork]

me: has 3 essays and projects due in 5 hours, hasn't socialized in weeks Kat: uploads a video my brain: don't watch it do you have no life me: a little life? I'll leave

[@paperbackdreams]

oOOOOOHHHH

[@janecrest8142]

You have just brought me such joy. Thankyou so much.

[@kirakira9419]

i have never cried whilst reading a book before.. the part where Harold called Jude sweetheart...

[@janelle8959]

NO LITERALY

[@yan_ki9597]

Jude trying to protect the scent of Willem 💔

[@4Topwood]

A Little Life is a very good portrait of a person permanently and severely damaged by horrific abuse. Not everyone who's been hurt can be healed. I didn't cry when I read it but it's stuck with me.

[@crappyfridayy]

A Little Life is one of my favourite books, that said, it was profoundly painful that even thinking about it makes makes me cry. I remember watching an interview of Hanya's where she talked about why she wrote it and she said something about wanting to create a character who endures so much but doesn't get better and sort of trying to figure out what that would look like and how their life would be. And I thought that was so interesting to read a book about a character who never gets better. i definitely understand why people hate this book, i sometimes hate it too because of how painful it was to read, and i get the tragedy porn moniker. But it's also one my favourites because of hanya's writing and her ability to craft a story that makes me care so much about a character. I read it last year and i still thinking about jude and willem and jude making bread All The Time!

[@emmail4137]

I juat finished this book, and when i read " i still think about Willem and Jude, and jude making bread" i cried with so much pain. This book is so much.

[@amethystandsunflower]

do you have a favourite quote from the book? I'm finally starting with this book and I always make a bookmark with quotes. So like, when I've finally reached that page, it'd be so special :D

[@niamhdoherty9930]

for anyone wondering the content warnings are: sexual abuse, child sexual abuse, scary verbal abuse, psychological manipulation and gaslighting, kidnapping/imprisonment, many modes of self-harm, a violent accident, a few moments of prejudice against the disabled, drug use, addiction, grief and loss of a loved one.

[@khyati1035]

im so emotionally connected to this book that its straight on pathetic. i can not, i repeat, can not imagine forgetting these characters.

[@aracelisalazar5419]

I just finished reading and I didn't cry... Till I reached Dear Comrade, after that, I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't stop reading, so I just read until I reached the end. I WAS SOBBING Y'ALL My eyes where swollen when I woke up the next day bc I fell asleep while crying.

[@aracelisalazar5419]

@@fiamapuccini276 * SPOILERS * Yes! I actually felt like everybody was lying about how sad the book was! I too thought it was horrifying, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. The only time I had to put the book down because I just couldn't keep reading was when Caleb was beating up Jude, I just felt extremely distressed and really scared for him, I had to take a moment. At one point I started reading the following pages just to be sure he survived. I kinda knew too what was going to happen with Jude. I knew the author wasn't going to tell us his whole story, show us all of his fears and doubts make us love him, and then miraculously save him. I was prepared myself for that from the beginning, but watching him suffer after the accident was what broke me. It was incredible devastating. I just kept remembering all the things that Willem did for him and how much he loved Jude. How Malcolm always did his best to keep Jude safe in his own house, always trying to give his best the homes they deserved. And Poor Harold, who had to experience again losing a son. I don't know why the part when he and Julia found the letter and the CD affected me so much, maybe because it was something I had forgotten and that seemed ages ago, or because when Jude hide it, it was because he felt like it was something that wasn't worth much, when in reality it would have meant everything to Harold and Julia. I don't regret it also, but I don't think I will read it again (or not for at least a couple of years) Edited to add: ALSO If you wanna talk more about the book (I know I wanted someone to talk about it too but unfortunately my friends don't read, so that's why I came here lol ) you can message me on goodreads, my username is anotherlovelygirl!

[@aracelisalazar5419]

@@fiamapuccini276 if you feel more comfortable you can DM me on Instagram! I have the same username!

[@jena4284]

literalllly!!! i was waiting with almost bated breath and i surprised myself by making it nearly 80% through without crying. but then Dear Comrade came and all the crying i didn't do earlier, i made up for now and some.

[@carmendiez5214]

Same. After Dear Comarade I couldnt stop sobbing

[@whateverworksmate.721]

I had never cried so hard at any piece of fictional media, much less a book. It just... came out of fucking nowhere. I was getting a bad feelings towards the end of a chapter and then... _fuck._

[@sarahs4354]

this is deadass my fourth time rewatching this video i just love reading vlogs and its so perfect as background sound for studying

[@odakja]

legit have a 2400 word essay due tomorrow, but we gotta support our favourite librarian

[@Lilhippienerd]

“No tears yet, dry as a desert” 5 min later So many tears

[@slightlybookishslytherin]

Oh my god I can’t actually believe this was 4 years ago. I miss you on your channel, Kat.

[@stardewluna]

“where’s the sad stuff? i don’t know!” 2 seconds later: kat sobbing

[@lightlawliet3526]

me: i'm already depressed and anxious irl so i won't read/watch anything depressing also me: looks up which books make you cry.

[@AsdfAsdf-mi6ks]

I’m reading Hold Still by Nina LaCour. It’s a short book but it’s taking me a bit to get through it cause I keep crying lol

[@janiemcmahan7371]

I am eight months pregnant and I started this book earlier in the week and I can tell this was a horrible idea. I cried while watching The Voice the other day for gosh sakes, what am I thinking starting this?!

[@Unreligion]

How’d it go?!

[@Aj-ze6ds]

How was it

[@riyamishra280]

Mam that was a bad decision

[@seaof_stars]

hey how'd it go? also hows your baby :)?

[@janiemcmahan7371]

@@seaof_stars horribly. Definitely not a happy book.... or one to read when you're already emotional! Baby is wonderful, almost 2 now :)

[@o.o2920]

"Hello people. Is that the _World Wide Web_ calling?" "They’re not calling" "Oh, they will" *we stan*

[@evies.1018]

Kat's dad and Zoe's dad need to make a Dad Book Club!

[@o.o2920]

Enfys Best I agree 1000%

[@feralhomebody]

thanks, dad

[@rice_frying_shrimp]

Kat: I'm gonna read to page 420 Everyone: Nice

[@rice_frying_shrimp]

Kat: I just hit page 420 Everyone: haha yes I get it

[@shreya...007]

"I hope we're done cause how much more can that boy take?" Oh boy, you had no idea.

[@ennabananaz5861]

Just finished it yesterday. Even though I anticipated what happened at the end of "The Happy Years" I basically sobbed throughout the whole of "Dear Comrade". Still, this is one of the best books that I've ever read.

[@kaladinkholinx]

I waited for so long and it's here and I'm not prepared. Kat breaking down over something that isn't Radio Silence? Here for it

[@anakp9620]

Reading while giving exams is a chaotic chaotic thing and I commend you for actually completing the book (unlike me, who gets so absorbed into a book that studying is...eh, neglected 😅)

[@meg-7457]

This is just you in complete shambles

[@teresa8020]

SPOILER WARNING I always wondered why Harold was the only character that switched to the first person. Was it because she planned, from the start, on ending Jude's life that way? And that the emotions were best conveyed directly through Harold? I don't know. But I always felt that Harold was the reader. What he felt, we felt. We were distanced from Jude in some ways but we rooted for him, we desperately wanted him to be happy even if we couldn't be his Willem, we wanted to see his story to the end, to hope till the end, like Harold had. That's just what I think.

[@Booklover-coffeelover]

I think it's because Harold was the only one left when all of the other characters were dead and he narrated his parts to the last portrait of Willem on the wall. Either way his chapters were so poignant.

[@Journalistwoman]

Yes and even then there is a slight sense of discomfort from the term meant to mirror Jude's own dislike of the word (he asked Willem not to call him sweetheart or honey) because Brother Luke and some of the 'better' ('better' in Jude's childhood memory that is in that they weren't violent) clients called Jude by the term. So even the most heart-felt and sorrowful scene, Harold calling Jude 'sweetheart' makes the reader (or is it just me?) both recall and recoil as Jude does himself...it is a literary device on the part of the author, I think. It works to keep the destructive trauma and memories as ever present for both Jude and the reader.

[@lazedaisies]

there's so many moments where i just want to reach out to jude and comfort him whenever he has his bad thoughts. even though he had to deal with his trauma for years, i'm more moved by the support system that he still has for over 30 years or so, who are so loyal and loving to him, who just wants to see him get better. ultimately, this book teaches so much about family and friendship values that makes me glad knowing that jude got through more years than he would have if he didn't have that support from them.

[@blublublublublub]

YOU FINALLY READ IT WTF I NEVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN

[@mariam-ch4in]

helvetets håla are you swedish omg

[@blublublublublub]

miss marielle no i’m from ypsagon just like pax

[@amber-xo7vb]

Kat: *brings the camera to her eyes to show a tear* Also Kat: “get away from me, don’t look at me!” I love your videos btw!

[@paperbackdreams]

[@arbesajashari966]

i feel like i belong to the small amount of ppl who have not shed ONE single tear on this book. i found it the most heart breaking and drenching book and it has this beautiful, cruel, overwhelming way of breaking your heart into pieces. but i love that so much about it. idk why but i love the pain it gives me, it just makes me feel emotions which is hard for me as an individual to do (some of yall can probably relate). if something is making me so sad that i cant take it anymore, i cannot cry which is what happened to me reading this. i left my heart in this book. also i laughed so hard when you were not finished with the happy years yet and said "i think thats all the bad things, i dont think jude can take anything more" anyways - rlly enjoyed this vlog

[@lysm.8645]

The fact that she makes them real people and makes you love them before bad things start to happen is actually very realistic - I think she’s trying to make a verisimilitude within you and your attachment to the characters After all, that’s the real pain, or a part of it, you would feel if bad things happened to your loved ones. You have to care because she’s trying to break you just like a real person would feel broken after seeing someone they knew their whole life suffering

[@geopbb]

Yes, yes and yes!

[@AlexanderBrando]

Fun fact: the cover of the book is from a series of photos called "Orgasmic Man" and it was shot by Peter Hujar. :)

[@briannalillygillespie3553]

Is it just me or has everyone forgotten about Andy like he was one of my favourites like Willem Harold and Andy had to be my top three other than jude

[@kythespacegoose6598]

“she’s coming to give you kisses because you have problems.” i love that.

[@mingweiyeoh8058]

"You can tell that it's going to get a little emotional" *Looks at cover of man actively repressing tears*

[@sinistrecigogne]

@@makraemarsland8213 *why not both*

[@taralucent1219]

@@sinistrecigogne Crying after an orgasm is my aesthetic.

[@sinistrecigogne]

@@taralucent1219 crying sperm is my aesthetic. (I already regret this comment how nice :>)

[@yuph6848]

Wait that's a dude... bitch I thought it was Anne Frank 😂

[@georgiaschaffer8062]

when she started crying the first time i was genuinely concerned honey

[@harshagobinath9384]

Can I just say how much I actually admire when a book reader does equally well in audio books. That's just amaze

[@MrCag91293]

I read this book totally blind. A friend said "you should read A Little Life" and I said "ok!" and picked it up from the library. After I finished it I texted her and let her know that she fully and completely ruined my LIFE with this book.

[@Edible_Kittens]

Lol I’d probably be that friend.

[@zsanettvarga5950]

Seeing you cry made me cry and I haven't even read the book lmao

[@ADVluv4life]

Your crying is gonna' make me cry and I haven't even read it...

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yeah me too I started weirdly tearing up when she was sobbing at the end of the book! I think it's a testament to how attached we are to her and how she makes every video feel like we're talking to a friend even though we haven't actually met her.

[@erinmykal2192]

I’ve been thinking about reading this book for a while now and just stumbled upon your review. Very well done and let me just say thank you for being so raw and vulnerable and thank you so so SO much for the trigger warning list in the description.

[@js66613]

I love how you took something on psychology for reading a book where the author self-admittedly did not research. Already it displays more effort than the author.

[@Ash-gy6em]

Also she finally cried? I MEAN WHUT? THOSE STEEL TEAR DUCTS BROKE AND WE ARE HERE FOR IT 😭

[@moffrofflplock600]

Ladies and Gentleman, behold the sight of an era's ending! Kat our honest beloved librarian we all have a crush on will read a little life. From now on this running gag will be laid to rest, just like social commentary in the simpsons. A moment of silence. But we all know that with this passing we will discover new things on this channel, sooner or later and we will love it! Rest in piece a little life running gag. #justthoughtweshouldacknowledgetheimportanceofthissituation

[@paperbackdreams]

rip

[@sinistrecigogne]

Amen. F in chat I guess.

[@ElinorMahoney]

more like a moment of radio silence lol

[@moffrofflplock600]

@@ElinorMahoney if I only could, I would've given you a heart sir/maam. For your truly funny comment shed a smile on my 23 year old looking like a thirty year old face. Tine Beltaine.

[@bentecarmen7463]

i didnt cry until i read the last sentence, like i finished that sentence and i just burst out in tears for 12 minutes exactly and went to sleep.

[@itsnlee]

I finally read the book after I watched Kat’s vlog. Finished it a few days ago and I’m still not over it. How can a book be so beautiful and yet make you not want to keep reading and keep reading at the same time and be so heartbreaking ? I don’t think I’ll find a book quite like this again

[@guppy8073]

This came at such a perfect time for me because I’ve been thinking about writing an essay for a contest about this book, specifically about how seeing people like Harold and Willem struggle with Jude’s trauma is helping me feel better about how I cope with my own close family member’s trauma, and seeing you recognize that as one of the stronger aspects of the book has helped me feel more confident on that being the basis of my essay.

[@paperbackdreams]

it definitely was one of the best parts of the story for me, and i think it gets overshadowed by the shocking tragedies a lot. i think it would be a great topic to write an essay on though because if you pay attention there’s *so much* there to work with

[@guppy8073]

paperbackdreams im glad you think so too!!!

[@guppy8073]

update: i won the essay contest!!! so thank you so much for kind of giving me the impetus for it.

[@paperbackdreams]

Shadow_Owl242 congratulations!! that’s incredible ✨

[@henriettaanneeles490]

I guess this on your books that made me cry list

[@paperbackdreams]

hmmmm lemme think about that MAYBE

[@persephonekore7738]

I’ve got ‘A Little life’ staring at me from my tbr pile and to be honest it’s kinda terrifying me 😂 it can stay in the pile for a while longer

[@eerie427]

HAHAHAHAHh

[@sarahdude9071]

the audiobook narrator for this book deserves an award

[@midnaphotograph4399]

the epic conclusion to the roller coaster of a journey of actually reading this novel

[@lorevelasco48]

Thank you so so much for mentioning the whole "Great Gay Novel" thing, i see so many people call it that, and i think that's just... irresponsible in a way. of course not all of our rep is gonna be flowers and rainbows, but as you said, this is downright torture porn and when you pick up a book for rep that's really... not what you want, i believe. thank you for this video!

[@justperpetuallybothered3474]

Y'all need to right positive stuff for minorities

[@tanishajangid7137]

i do totally agree that the trauma is there for just the purpose to make u cry ,like one little good thing happen and boom how dare he had love .I really hoped for jude to atleast have william by his side till the end

[@mahvishmujib206]

After seeing Kat cry, I'm too scared to even read the title.😶

[@iris-vu8wk]

When I finished this book I sobbed for 20 minutes straight, loud ugly sobbing.

[@wesleyfilmcrew]

ALSO your dad is like the lovely dad from most YA novels someone write a book about him stat pls

[@hallikwin3373]

9:59 "i'm gonna drive now and i don't wanna crash" it was foreshadowing

[@aden.e]

spoilers: something that got me down so bad is the fact that we witness, through jude’s eyes and memories, all of these horrible things that happen to him. yet we only hear about his death through harold’s pov. jude was truly alone when he died with not even the reader there to witness and i’m just so fucking distraught that he died thinking he deceived harold. i feel like i’m in mourning. also, jude suffering for all those years after willems death and holding on for so long wishing he could get better for those who love and loved him but knowing he won’t is absolutely fucking killer.

[@kmilliken]

I felt the exact same way. I wanted so badly to be able to know what was going through Jude’s head before he died. I wish the author had let us see a bit of what happened, even if we didn’t get the moments before he died from his POV. I just wish Jude had some kind of closure where he knew how amazing he was and loved by many he was as well.

[@tobi3532]

I was patiently waiting for you to cry😂😂😂. I haven’t read this book but I can still feel the pain from the book. I heard it messes people up🚶🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️

[@paperbackdreams]

can confirm: i will never be the same

[@o.steinman3855]

Faith Lee Yoo actually have no idea. It feels almost morally wrong to recommend it to people because they never know what they’re getting into lol

[@miriambarakaty6275]

O. Steinman what’s it about?

[@andretthew]

Honestly the highlight of my week

[@paperbackdreams]

💕💕💕

[@shannonhughes8488]

i literally wasn't prepared for this book, i picked it up bc i had heard of it and didn't really know the content and oooooof it punched me. took me 2 extra weeks to finish the last 60 pages

[@yarah28]

I spent more than 80% of the book without crying .. which truly had so many triggers for many people.. thought that okay I’m not gonna cry then .. then the last part “Dear Comarde” came and I broke .. I struggled finishing it because my eyes were so blurry.. honestly I got so attached to this book it hurts.

[@apoorva5425]

I saw the insta story of kat crying and throwing this book. And now here i a.

[@vanshikabali8830]

I just finished reading the axiom of equality part. I'm devastated.

[@mari.art1999]

we are experiencing a historical moment y'all! Also may I add: these pillow covers behind you (the ones with cats) are adorable :))

[@paperbackdreams]

haha ty!!

[@judethefourth336]

Me: *sees that she is crying her heart out and having a mental breakdown* We are not going to read that. We dont need more pain in our life... Also me: quietly writes the title name in a list of books I want to read because I love suffering, apparently, even though it is not what I should do hehehe, life is good. Watch me not going out of my room in weeks after reading it. Also, I love your channel and reviews. You have become one of my favourite channels about literature and I always get so happy when you upload something new. Sorry for not posting a comment before, I am too awkward and shy with social interactions 🙇

[@talkingtoawall5123]

Same. Im deliberately looking for sad books to torture myself with and i keep coming back to this video 😂

[@judethefourth336]

@@talkingtoawall5123 I read it recently and... it was A LOT. I didn't cry as much as I expected but it really made me so uncomfortable and numb sometimes that I had to take breaks of a few days to get over those feelings. So you really suffer with this one. I wish you good luck if you want to read it XD but I totally get you, I like sad endings and sad stories for some reason, so this kind of heartbreaking readings are something that I look forward from time to time. It's like I need to be destroyed by a book or a tv show in order to keep going with my life, to know that I am alive (?) It's a bit weird but yeah

[@talkingtoawall5123]

@@judethefourth336 nah its not weird fam I have the same habits- intentionally watch sad movies and stuffs just to feel the overwhelming emotions (to feel alive idk) Im an infp so i thought that was pretty normal lmao. Also, might order my copy tomorrow and your reply made me even more excited xD im curious tho how many days did it take you to get over it

[@judethefourth336]

@@talkingtoawall5123 oh dmn I am glad you said that and I am also a infp so it might be a thing of us being the same type of mbti? It's interesting. I started it on the 1st of this month and ended it on the 14th because I had like a 5 days break from the page 890-900 more or less (my edition had 1008 pages) because I heard that the last 100 pages were really really hard to read so I was kind of afraid (?). I just read around 70-100 pages the first days but then it was harder to read for a lot of time. I am curious about how much it will take you

[@talkingtoawall5123]

@@judethefourth336 yea i guess it's an infp thing 😂 and it might take me a while to finish the book too im not a quick reader, i tend to read slowly to fully absorb the story so yeahh we'll see i guess

[@cargeb6366]

I am SO surprised that you didn’t cry at the forbidden page 712. I was a hyperventilating, sobbing mess for the rest of the book and it really started there

[@helenclements5789]

Can we just take a second to acknowledge the character of Andy! I haven’t finished the book yet - I’m on the last 80 pages - but so far he has been a good egg.

[@cassiopeia6357]

Now you have to read the Goldfinch....... I’m gonna hold you accountable!!!🧐

[@paperbackdreams]

u got it

[@giovanniferesin5344]

This is the best idea ever.

[@cassiopeia6357]

paperbackdreams thank you!

[@amillirockin]

i love that book❤️

[@beatrixthomas2646]

paperbackdreams and the secret history!

[@nat-fs3ms]

"ive slowed it down to double speed" u wot

[@Anjali-mw8ge]

Don’t look down, Jude. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You’re a brilliant man, and you’ll be brilliant, and you’ll be rewarded for your brilliance. But if you act like you don’t belong, if you act like you’re apologetic for your own self, then people will start to treat you that way, too.- Mr. Irvin

[@AlexAndrushukBone]

I would literally die reading this book given that I feel the tears gearing up with watching *you* cry And yet I am *so tempted*

[@romyenrose]

I was like "damn, it makes Kat feel this much? I will read it!" Then I saw the warnings.

[@fleepfloop0061]

Jacques Derrida once said that “the signature of the text, as that of any text, is a wound.” I’d like to congratulate a little life for going even further and actually being a wound. That shit hurt.

[@alexanderm2888]

Just finished this book last week. Your thoughts were so aligned with my own...it was the little moments that made me tear up...the torture porn left me numb...and yes it was manipulative. I also wish more time was spent on the friendship...it was those moments that made me love the book...i just wish there was more of it. Also, the whole post "motel room" sequence and pre-college sequence was completely uncessary...just trashy disgusting shock inducing writing.

[@carly885]

i loved the characters but felt a lot of exploitation of those who've experienced trauma and feel it was written in a way that was meant to upset more than anything else

[@kookoo9800]

I can’t say personally bc my friend forbid me from reading it for my own mental health sake, but she also said that she felt there was a lot of trauma and tragedy just for the sake of tragedy and hurting without real purpose

[@justfornow3575]

@@meib9412 I dont think its exploitation to tell a story about trauma but to write so much in such detail about the traumatizing situation is just shock value. You can write about a traumatic situation and the aftermath and use it to raise awareness but 100s of pages just describing sexual assault/abuse makes a mockery of poeple who have actually experienced that.

[@ikariiprince]

@@meib9412 it’s the amount of detail, cartoonish repetition, and absolutely ridiculous scenarios the characters are put in to garner sympathy and emotionally manipulate the reader. All books do this to a certain extent but this book specifically is just flat out misery porn and exploitative of trauma

[@obsidianpaw2373]

@@meib9412 the fact that the author has said in interviews that she just wanted to make everyone uncomfortable. She did no research and talked to zero people with ptsd when she wrote the book. It is not giving any sort of voice to traumatized ppl just portraying them as something damaged that needs to be pitied.

[@maya-qe2by]

it has now been decided that my fried is getting me this for christmas thanks to you, hope ur happy

[@paperbackdreams]

im sorry in advance lol

[@maya-qe2by]

@@paperbackdreams ur not gonna see this but i finished last night and i haven't cried this much after finishing a book in AGES. and i agree with everything you said honestly

[@bellsandnawhistle]

I genuinely don’t know if I’m a emotionless robot hidden in a teenaged girl’s body but I did not cry once throughout a little life? I felt a sense of relief at the end of the book but no tears. As someone that cries at commercials I do not know what was going on with my tear ducts. Anyone experiencing the same thing?

[@origins9550]

I cried when Caleb abused Jude because I was so overwhelmed by the horror of it, but for all the other things I didn’t cry, not even when Willem died and I’m a very emotional and sensitive person. I guess that the characters were so tortured that I became numb to it, idk how else to explain this

[@ladyGZSeChu]

never cried. thought it was way too melodramatic, almost like science fiction and I felt the characters were just caricatures. didn’t like it that much

[@GhostieSnakeygirl18]

I didn't cry at all when I read it either! I did get extremely angry and upset when I was reading the whole Caleb situation, and I might have teared up a few times, but I didn't actually cry. We're all different, I guess!

[@ashe5854]

@@GhostieSnakeygirl18 same here

[@unatrninic3656]

@@origins9550 that's exactly how i felt, because it was so fucking traumatising i felt so numb that i only cried at the very last chapter that harold narrated over the fact that all of their lives had so much sadness in them

[@TheMostAmazingBrooke]

that clip where you made a single tear come out to prove you were getting emotional is so relatable