Part 3. -To have recovered from a seemingly hopeless situation.

[@martinmcgrath1985]

Enjoying these stories..wish you all the best.

[@JUSSHUSS]

Thanks for part 3 of your story. I'm only 30 but have been battling addictions for a decade or so. I'm embarrassed to type this and hope you won't take it the wrong day, but I have had horrible self esteem since 13 years old. Feels like a trauma. Anyway I have been addicted to drugs and XXX sites for quite some time now. I feel like a straight guy but I'm very attracted to feminine transsexuals. But it feels wrong. Similar to taking a drug. It feels so good while doing it, but afterwards so much shame, guilt and anxiety. I feel dirty. Do you have any advice for me? It's when I drink or take a drug that I very quickly fall into XXX content. When I'm sober the urge is not as big. Yea, thank you once again. Much respect. Hope i did not sound respectless. Thank you.

[@cherrycarter8442]

My attraction to guys was when I drank which happened to be late at night which meant I was going to dangerous places, meeting dangerous people drunk and high when I was vulnerable but that wasn't the issue. Attraction to transexuals or same sex isn't in itself a problem. I was also a chronic wanker, excuse my candour. What you need to do is find out what part of your behavior is fueled by addiction and what is you, you probably have self loathing, that needs to stop. When I stopped feeding the addiction most of the revolting aspects of my behavior dropped off, the worst you have done I could match. Watching 'baby reindeer' this week was unexpectedly insightful, I recommend it. Shrinks and counselors cost thousands and you are advised by someone who isn't an addict, so try and stick at NA , put all the effort into NA as you do destroying yourself, believe me, freedom is the greatest gift I have ever been gifted. You wont be sorry.

[@JUSSHUSS]

@@cherrycarter8442 Ok thank you :) Yes I've got tons of self loathing. I will watch the movie. Exactly, I have tried shrinks back in the days and it was just awful. Might look into NA. But I have horrendously bad social anxiety, feels impossible to go to a group meeting and talk. Especially since I live in a very very small place where everybody knows everybody. Once again thank you. I'll check the movie out! Haha chronic wanker is a perfect description

[@cherrycarter8442]

Like me when I started you seem to think you have a choice, I suppose you do but what a horrible choice it is, continue living in mental hell to a slow lonely disgusting death or self harm or ..live like a 'normie', grow up, handle life on life's terms. If you are an addict money you spend on drugs can be spent on personal improvements. Most of us drank/drugged because we were pathetic at being social, thats ok .. being shy is fine but you'll find with confidence you can be who you actually are, I still say dumb things I wish I could take back but overall, I can hold my own in conversation , be rational, respectful, I live in a small town as a post op transgender and have never had a bad word said to me because I'm not a moody, angry nut job. I'm nice to others and the town knows I'm the go to for people with addiction issues. Anyways you can try NA or AA on zoom, listen for similarities from speakers or find a home group, question is how bad do you want life to be before you are prepared to change ? I got off the 'crazy train' (thanks Ozzie) before the end destination.

[@JUSSHUSS]

@@cherrycarter8442 Thank you. You seem wise about this. I have been far worse down in the addiction trench than where I am today. So maybe I can get out of it this time. It feels like you're spot on with lots of things you mention. Also I started watching Baby Reindeer and got instantly hooked. Thats very rare for me when it comes to tv shows / movies. I need to work on my confidence I guess. Yea perhaps i could try some AA zoom. Thank you