Part 5: My coming out story - Finally figuring out I'm gay

I finally figure it out! If you've been watching the series, you know how deep down I'd buried my sexuality, and a few other things too. After therapy for depression, after divorce ended the torture of a bad marriage, after my return to work ended the stress of unemployment, there was a beautiful peaceful calm...
Thanks again for all the comments, please keep them coming - I love these conversations. Subscribe. And click "like" so that more people see the video.
-Barry
Watch my coming out series from the beginning: • Coming out story intro...
Twitter: / barryrebooted

[@suzannestearns6279]

Dear Barry, I have listened to all your videos and I want to commend you for taking this final step. I too have struggled for most of my life with the same issues. Frustration at work, in my marriage, and with various people was all do to my not accepting myself for the person I really was. Now, I am 66 years old. I have only recently taken the huge step of finally admitting to myself...and to many others...that I am gay. Although there is no one in my new life with which to share this new freedom I have taken, I am still hopeful. I am in damn good shape for my age...and think and act young. For me, being gay meant being effeminate and outrageous...neither of which I am. I am a very masculine man. It is possible to be masculine, and gay. I am only now coming to terms with myself...and your videos help so much. Thank you for taking the time to tell your story.

[@BarryRebooted]

Suzanne Stearns Thanks for your note, you are SO welcome. And yes gay men come in many varieties - I've met MANY who are genuinely strongly masculine. Good luck with your journey!

[@walteroliveira3188]

I hope you are thriving in 2021 and finding peace, joy, and love. Would enjoy hearing an update or another post about what you’ve learned. All the best.

[@jonathanshonk6016]

"Now I just wear the shoes." I love it! Thanks for a great story. I wish you the best! Barry.

[@HonkAbby]

This is an awesome story! Congratulations, it's very good to see you so happy and relaxed now. Self discovery is awesome.

[@stevekrause5931]

Barry, thanks for your bravery in sharing your story. It takes courage to expose yourself like this in such a public way. I'm also glad you now accept yourself after all these years. And I'm happy that you are now comfortable with who you are and are blossoming into the person you were always meant to be.

[@4nshale]

Congratulations! You deserve to be happy and true to yourself.

[@luijr]

Amazing story! You've really come a very long way

[@tauresattauresa7137]

Barry, I wish you the best, keep telling stories as you are a GREAT story teller. :)

[@BarryRebooted]

Thanks! I keep meaning to post an update - one of these days...

[@RayPRQ]

What a great series, Barry. You are courageous for coming out in social media, respectfully discreet with your story, humble to pay it forward, and best of all your story demonstrates the power of simple truth. We all have different paths to each of our own truths, and I'm glad you found yours. May you forever "just wear the shoes!" Wishing you lots of happy adventures from this point on.

[@Greg6074]

Hope you are keeping well Barry. Thanks for being so Honest!

[@mosichat]

Wow! Ego-dystonic behavior described perfectly. Denial, depression, acting out, etc. making life challenging. I'm glad you found your way. You look happy!

[@JB-oq6kc]

Congratulations! Thank you for sharing! Amazing story! Live your truth!

[@MilesOBryan]

Love to you. You can see that it's now 2021 and I just came across you coming out video. I'm 77 years old, I've always known I was/am gay but the public acknowledgement of that reality took me many years. I feel so proud of YOU! and great PRIDE in you and the importance of you sharing your story. There are many men and women your age and mine who still struggle with self acceptance and public acknowledgment of our shared reality. If you should find this comment I hope you can see that after all these years things really do get better. I send you love, hope and best wishes. And, you certainly are cute, but more you are ATTRACTIVE. Believe it and continue your love journey.

[@Jorysable]

this is an amzing story! I'm sssoooo happy for u!

[@haroldwills1910]

Wow! You are such an inspiration to me and probably a lot of other people. Thank you for your videos and sharing of your life. I hope you are doing good and having a good life.

[@Ichigo29440]

Barry, no matter what age, it's always amazing when someone admits who they truly are. I wish you had realized it sooner, but of course it was a different time. I'm glad you're here today and know who you truly are and are happier because of it :) Loved hearing your story and I hope it inspires others to realize/accept who they truly are.

[@anachreon01]

Bravo! What a magnificent story. I came out to parents and siblings in 1972 at the age of twenty after a few years of confusion. It has been the best thing I've ever done and I'm so happy for you. Thanks for your post.

[@BarryRebooted]

I wish we had KZbin in 1972!

[@brianfunkhouser5842]

I have said it before, I shall say it again I commend you for your courage for putting yourself out there on youtube, but also for having the strength to look inside yourself, and to be happy with yourself and not closet yourself even further at the realization. Your an amazing person and I look forward to watching more of your videos. Have a great break!

[@PGTransformed]

Congratulations to you! I too came out on Facebook and was going through my darkest time ever in my life and I too do talk about my sexuality in Public, especially at work and was THE BEST I HAD EVER MADE!!

[@saltontheshelf]

I know I'm late here but at part 5 and wishing you would write a book. Very interesting story! Thanks for sharing!

[@Flywithdean]

Best one of the series. As a Pre-Law student planning to practice family law, I only wish that what you said about people like us not being able to marry in most of the US will no longer be a problem in a few years time! I am so Happy for you. Look forward to the comments/questions video!

[@tpatt1996]

Thank you Barry for that wonderful smiley mood you created for yourself when you came out to yourself and everyone else. Yes it is hard to come out, I did 15 and it was hard even though I "kind-of" knew my family would except me. Thank you Barry again! -Tyler.

[@ianclough9857]

Well done Dude ! You got there in the end ! All us guys seem to have a common element with this stuff but its cool to be yourself . You still happy 2017 .

[@LondonGreek4]

Have enjoyed learning about your experience of marriage , divorce and gay enlightenment. It is great to hear that you are now comfortable in your own skin. Enjoy the road ahead and may it bring you many happy riches.

[@ShaneWenzel]

I have to admit that this is a great series you've put together. I appreciate how you structured your story an the honesty behind it. Truthfully, Its almost exactly my story. Thank you.

[@BarryBonder]

+Shane Wenzel Thanks! How long were you married?

[@ShaneWenzel]

14 years

[@BarryRebooted]

Hi Amy, I guess you a free to diagnose from afar. All I can tell you is that once I truly considered my attractions, and especially once I had sex with a man, it was super-clear that sex is a lot more than "going through the motions" like I used to do with women. Some people are bi, but I happen to be very gay.

[@BarryRebooted]

Wow

[@marys6887]

BarryRebooted you are bisexual but perhaps homoromantic. You can get turned on enough to have an erection and have sex with women and men both but you'd prefer a relationship with a man.

[@ddog5858]

Barry, I am so excited for you, it's like the bad stuff is behind you and the happiness can begin. I wish you all the best, David :)

[@migonbrah]

I've never seen anything like that before when it comes to gay videos... but I'm quite amazed I actually have now. You're very brave to do the things you did and I'm glad you finally found a part of you that was still missing. Thanks for sharing your story, I'm a fan!!! :)

[@TehxHope]

Thank you for sharing Barry.

[@GrantsInYourPants]

the mentioning of the shoes was a great touch

[@justdougification]

Barry, your story has been very inspiring. I have just finished your series of videos and find that your story contains a lot of commonalities with many gay men in our age group (I am 48). I wasn't married, but was in a common law relationship with a woman for 9 years. It was a very bad relationship, and ended poorly. But that was then and this is now. The videos you have made show how there is hope for others who realize who they really are.

[@PeteLenz]

Barry -- your story could be mine! For me coming to terms with being gay started about 6 months ago. Yes, looking back -- it all makes sense. Yes, even after I divorced I thought I'd be with women. I got very depressed. And in coming out of that, I had a very similar aha moment with my shrink. After that, I exploded out of the closet -- kids, parents, friends, work, community organizations. You're way ahead of me -- but I am dating (men -- yes, men!) and the pieces are coming together!

[@prdad8965]

Hi Barry. I just watched the entire series of videos and am so happy to have found it. There are a lot of coming out videos but so few of men over 50 going through the experience. I'm 52 years old and got divorced two years ago. I have two adult children and they are the only ones in my family I have come out to. They live with me because three years ago we had to escape, with help from the police, an abusive situation with my ex wife which had lasted all through our marriage. I came out to my children one year ago and they have no issues with it. I haven't come out to my family because they are very traditional and conservative. If I were to come out to them their response would probably be:"So? Keep it to yourself, we don't talk about such things." So why bother? And i haven't come out to my friends because frankly I couldn't have friends during my marriage, the friends I have now have known me as a gay man from the start. Ever since I can remember, I knew I was gay. I just didn't know it was a "thing" until junior high school. To me I was just odd, different intellectually from all the other kids. I accepted that I was weird. But I knew I was attracted to boys. Once I did become conscious of this, I had no choice but to follow the path of a "normal" young male. Trying to conform to what was expected of me, I dated girls but remained a virgin until my wedding night. I was shocked I actually could go through with sex in our honeymoon because I had always fantasized of being with a man and have never been attracted to female sexual organs. I must say, however, that I did grow to love my ex wife deeply and tried to make our marriage work. Her bipolarism turned her into a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive person who took out all her anger on the kids and on me. We have deep scars for this but are slowly restarting our lives free of all that anger and especially safe. While I was married I had a very short affair with another married man. It was experimentation for him more than anything because as far as I know once we stopped seeing each other he never did anything similar again. We're still friends and see each other often though just as friends. And he's still married. But that experience for me, the first time ever being with another man, was what finally made me realize that I was 100% gay and had to do something about it. But I waited a few months after being divorced to have a sexual encounter with another man. I was very scared and had no idea what to expect. We had sex and that's all it was. Again, for me this too was a sort of confirmation as well as a testing of the waters. Now I knew I was older, gay, and that I wanted to date other mature men. For some reason I seem to attract much younger men. I'd rather not, honestly. But my only relationship since being divorced was with a 38 year old. Of course and as expected by me, the level of emotional maturity made us stand worlds apart. I continue, therefore, on my search for someone closer to my age for companionship. If there's one thing that's bad about coming out at my age and not having formed many friendships throughout the years is that it can get very lonely. So now here I am single and gay, still finding out a lot about myself. After having been off the work force for 20 years (I had to stay home and raise the kids), I have a great job that I love and pays well enough. My kids are happy and so am I. Like I said, picking up the pieces has taken some time but it's all working out a day at a time. There is hope for men who have gone through life having to hide their true identity. I feel I missed out on so much and that I should have come out in my teens or 20's. But it's never too late to take the weight off your shoulders and live the life you were meant to live. The feeling of happiness is immense. Thanks for the videos and the inspiration they bring to so many of us. Hey, and if you're ever nearby hit me up, you're very handsome! LOL

[@BarryRebooted]

PR Dad Gosh I relate strongly to so much of your story! All I can say is good for you, for making so much progress in recent years - your note is so clear and so genuine, that's awesome. SO MANY people I've met have had many more twists & turns in their lives than any of us ever expected when we were kids. I wish you the best of luck, and my only advice is keep going, and be opportunistic - be on the lookout for new things and new people and new relationships that will come your way, and don't pass them by:)

[@andrewjackson5805]

Barry thank you so much for your videos. I am Andy, I'm 63 and I just came out last month, January of 2019. I grew up with alcoholic parents so I basically stopped feeling anything in elementary school. The feelings were still there just stuffed down inside and to add to it I piled food on top. I developed an eating disorder at an early age and it is still with me today. When my attraction to men came up I pushed them down too and applied food. The food weighted my emotions down and built a barrier between me and people. I never considered looking at a man because I had prejudged the circumstances. and rejected myself because of my weight before I ever entertained the possibility of a relationship with a man. I still struggle with this but I have accepted myself as gay, still working out some parts, and have come out to most of my friends and family.My gayness is so intertwined with my weight and food addiction that I struggle. But with the help of KZbin videos like you're and gay and other hotlines I am making it. Thanks for the encouragement. Andy [e-mail]

[@AmeriCanadian2011]

Barry, I've really enjoyed this series of videos. I was one of those kids who knew he was gay from day one. I came out officially as a teenager in the early '80s when things were pretty rough. I have to admit that I've always felt a good deal of resentment towards closeted guys, I'd never taken the time before to seriously consider life on the other side of the closet door. Thanks

[@moreira7daniel]

When I was 22 I thought I would be better off dead, such was my fear of coming out! I actually came out that same year. I don't know how you coped with it all that time... Congratulations on your strength and honesty! They show well in your video! You will help and inspire a lot of people!

[@BarryRebooted]

Thanks! In retrospect, being in the double-closet all those years (both from myself and from every else) took a big toll. The more we talk about it, the easier it will be to live among sexual orientation of all types going forward.

[@moreira7daniel]

BarryRebooted Sure! I noticed that talking about it actually helps many people understand that being gay is absolutely natural. So many people - both gay and straight - still hold on to misconceptions and views distorted by prejudice and poor education on psychological affairs... It is helpful to everyone!

[@moreira7daniel]

Moreover, I think we have a big social impact by simply being visible and talking about it.

[@BarryRebooted]

Strongly agree

[@melodynorton3]

OMG I just discovered your channel. Your story moved me to tears I did not come out till the age of 50 due to my upbringing I just thought I was broken. I never really loved a partner an envied those people I would see who were truly in love and happy to just be with someone. I fell in love with a girl in Australia on line. we talked and did the whole skype thing but when I was ready to visit her she broke it off I have never hurt so bad in my life . Enter the depression and I jot hurt at work to the point I can't do that kind of work any more. You are an inspiration to know it will get better. Again thank you so much for telling your story and yes I subscribed and liked.

[@BarryRebooted]

So sorry to hear about the pre-visit break-up...that hurts just reading about it:( It definitely does get better & better. At this point I personally know quite a few people who started out so tentative just like me, and are now genuinely happy people fully enjoying life. Be yourself, and stick in there! -Barry

[@DH10459]

Hi Barry, My experience was a bit similar but I was never married. When I was younger I was convinced that I was straight and I was interested in some women but at an intellectual level. I always preferred the company of men socially and it wasn't until I was 50 that my true sexuality started to come to the surface. It was very confusing and I rejected it but ultimately, over about 8 years, came to the conclusion that I was probably gay. It wasn't until I met a guy when I was 62 that I knew for certain and that was the happiest day of my life. Knowing that I'm gay makes sense of a lot of things that happened during my life. Nice to know that I'm not the only one to figure things out later in life. I always say better late than never. lol Thanks for the videos.

[@BarryRebooted]

Whoa, that's awesome! Good job man!

[@greenleafgal]

I just finished watching your coming out video story and I want to tell you how happy I am for you. Even though I'm younger than you and didn't deny my sexuality for nearly as long, about a year for me, I can somewhat relate to you. I've subscribed to you and I hope you will continue to post videos. =)

[@BarryRebooted]

Yup, when it comes down to it, all we have is the future...gotta look forward!

[@CaribSkies]

You're gonna get toooons more subscribers. You're awesome.

[@BarryRebooted]

Quite a shoe statement:) Regarding relationships, it's only been a year, it's hard to say. I’ve never been in a good relationship & can’t imagine what a good LT relationship might be like. Which is probably a good thing - better to be open to possibilities, than having specific goals/expectations. Much to my surprise, I’m totally open/interested to taking one step at a time, and see where that leads…

[@kct9439]

Interesting story. So happy for you.

[@donaldjohnson491]

BARRY -- Good video. Great description of how it all dawned on you. When I was walking across my Catholic college campus in 1966 in Kansas when I was 20, it dawned on me -- with a similar experience to what you described. The heavens opened up. I remember feeling relieved to know -- and I also remember reviewing bits of my life in a flash and feeling them all slot into place. Miraculous. You mentioned Austin, TX. Is that where you live now? I used to live there from 1972 to 1983. And I'm going back there to visit friends and relatives in November of this year. -- Donald in Wales

[@BarryRebooted]

I wish I'd been open enough and self aware enough for it to have dawned on me when I was 20:) Thanks for your note. p.s. I live in the NW U.S., it's nice here, both weather climate and otherwise!

[@BarryRebooted]

Wow, that's crazy. Well good job getting it done!

[@LifeOfAGay]

my favorite video so far :) JS!!!

[@RodrigorReyes123]

Wow that is so incredibly interesting to me. I knew I was gay when I was 3 years old. I didn’t come out till I was 20 but your experience is super interesting to me

[@RiverMark]

I continue to lack the courage to really come out, but your videos helped me to reveal my true self TO myself. Your comment, "I've always been attracted to guys, but I never thought I was gay," hit me like a ton of reality. Quite simply it tore a hole in my life-long deception. I'm not exactly sure what to do next; I do know I do not really want to repair that hole though (well, maybe I do a little bit, out of habit). But, I realize (now), a life built on deception is genuinely pathetic. And, although I don't like the feeling that comes with realizing how pathetic I have been, thanks for letting me use your insight to conclude I am on an unsustainable path. I don't have a marriage to deal with, just my own anxiety and apprehension. I may not sound like I get your message of self-acceptance, but I do and it is helpful to me. Thanks!

[@BarryRebooted]

Wow, thanks for sharing this. Coming out to yourself is the biggest and by far the most important step toward being a happy and comfortable person. We are complicated/complex beings, at times with a pile of conflicting 'data' to sort through. Congrats on this step!It's been seven months since your comment, any news since then?-Barry

[@RiverMark]

Barry: I have to admit, I have made progress, but I also must confess it's been remedial at best. I am a lot more comfortable with the fact I am gay (within myself). I no longer see the need, value, or purpose in deceiving myself or necessarily hating myself (for that reason). And, to an extent, that has led to a degree of inner peace. So, for me, that is (good) news. I find it interesting I suddenly am more focused (as an observer, I guess you can say) on gay people who so effortlessly interact with each other, are together, and don't seem to be holding themselves back. And, while embarrassing to admit, I am envious of them. While, I was using the excuse, "yeah, but I'm shy...," I now see through that as an excuse. This new self-awareness is what I plan to use as a "break-though" to my next milestone.I am obviously advancing at a slow pace and, that does lead to moments of despair. The thing is, there is really no rational reason to hold back. I'm not afraid of being "found out," I am independent and on my own so it's not like I am concerned about the potential impact of disapproving judgment. And, I very much doubt there would be any disapproving judgment anyway; I don't come from that kind of background. And, yet, I am not ready to simply admit, in the open, who and what I am. As you point out, it is conflicting.I know my next step "has" to be to go on a date or a "date-like" experience. Just the idea of it (without anyone specific in mind) both excites and scares me to death (like, first date in middle school excitement and being scared to death). Truth be told, I have come back to your videos about your experiences for inspiration, insight, and courage. I have not done it yet though... the closest I have come to is finding some "meet-up" type events that would at least get me socially interacting with people in ways that could potentially lead to dating. I haven't actually signed up for any or gone to any events though. You see, I'm shy... [

[@BarryRebooted]

Decide on a very small step that you can take today. For example when some random person assumes you are straight, very briefly/quickly say "oh, I'm gay actually" or something like that. Start with a very little step, and take it from there.

[@arthurfernandez7878]

What is it about February? I just turned 53 and came out to myself on February 12, 2013. EVERYTHING you said applied to me! Only I am moving out from an unhappy marriage at the end of this month. It's good to know I am not alone...

[@donaldjohnson491]

BARRY -- We all travel at our own necessary speed through our own Life Script -- and all roads take us home. Speaking of home, you say you live in a nice climate in northwestern America. For six months in 1999 my partner William and I lived in Portland, Oregon. Great liberal town -- but God did it rain a lot , more even than here in Great Britain. Couldn't get rid of the mildew in our flat. All of which mirrored to us the really LOW period we were both going through. Too damn wet for me -- but maybe it's drier where you live. Love your videos. Right now I'm writing my first book and I hope it is as clear, articulate, well organized and SUBSTANTIAL as your videos. KEEP TELLING YOUR STORY. We all need to do that. Want to know the name of the book I'm writing, where I plan to tell some of MY life story -- Donald in Wales

[@tanner293]

I realized im gay at the age of 30, also after a long and complicated relationship and I feel so much more free and self confident than i ever was

[@BarryRebooted]

Yay! Being honest about your true self is the only path to being happy and content. Congrats:)

[@lpforever6273]

Great to see these vids Barry, one slight question in my mind, are you sure the label you want to use for yourself is 'gay', fine if that fits you, but maybe 'bi-' is also possible for you or another word of your choice. Just wanted to suggest this in case your confusion was not about being 'gay' but about there not being a label in your earlier life vocabulary that fitted your internal reality (you enjoyed that teenage kiss from a girl). So you are never going to be a 'gold star gay' but whatever form your interests and attractions take I fully support your move to the light side of life and honesty, authenticity and integrity.

[@BarryRebooted]

I get asked this a lot. And I fully comprehend that sexuality is a continuum, and clearly some people are bi. But for me personally, after (finally) considering all options, and now that I've been with men, I can tell you that for me there is no comparison: I am strongly attracted to some men, and not attracted to any women. Let me put it this way: the first time I had sex with a man, I instantly knew I would never again put up with having sex with a woman. During the first part of my life, sex was not nearly as good for me, as it seemed to be for other people, so I mistakenly assumed I was simply not a sexual person. It turns out I was just doing it with the wrong gender!

[@roysmallian2889]

Amazing story about how the self deception can persist for so many years in an intelligent person. I suppose he used his intelligence to construct a facade that even he could not get out beyond.

[@terrellholland9379]

Congratulate on finding yourself I am 77 years old and I have known from a very early age that I liked men I got married to a wonderful lady who later I told and we were married 40 years before she passed away we had a wonderful relationship when she died 13 years ago one of the last things she said to me was go back into your world and have a good time she called the gay world my world I loved her very deeply I have had a couple of relationships since she passed away with men and was used very badly and hurt very badly so now I'm lonely and I think I'm too old to look for anybody to love but I know that's not true anyway I won't say anymore I thank you for your story I totally understood it good luck my good friend

[@hectorabcdefg9076]

Im 46 now. I spent money and time trying to make me straight. I just watched your 5 videos and i liked them. The truth shall set you free.

[@ManSizeSextet]

Inspiring.

[@BarryRebooted]

Interesting, cool, thanks for the comment!

[@rayrothermel4861]

Great story.

[@BarryBonder]

+Ray Rothermel Thanks:)

[@efrainvelazquez943]

Helpful??? I loved the story...And by the way, you're awfully handsome!

[@BarryRebooted]

Thanks a lot for the comment:) I think for me looking inside was easier than putting it all on KZbin, but I'm so glad I did, it's been starting so many good conversations with friends old & new.

[@tomtheeman5861]

Great set of videos! Take this next opinion in the ironic/funny in the way it was intended to be: To see someone who is so clearly intelligent, be so stupid for most of life is hysterical!

[@m1pq1m]

Welcome, proud to have you on the team! Chuck Taylors FTW! When I was in my "bi" phase, I'd wear one red one and one black one, with matching but opposite colored laces. After 40 years in my closet, I'm now working on trust and intimacy issues that interfere with gay relationships. Anything similar for you, or were you able to just glide right in? :)

[@dwight4089]

Hello Barry, I've followed your series for several months and have found it affirming to my own life story. I finally accepted my gayness at age 51. I had been divorced for a year after nearly 25 years and three children in a mostly unhappy marriage when I had my first experience with a man. I realized that it was finally my time to explore this suppressed aspect of my identity. It took a lot to evolve from something that had been engrained in my mind from birth as being taboo to accepting myself for who I was created to be and realizing I deserve genuine happiness. I have been coupled with a wonderful man for 3.5 years and things are good. I think there's a lot of us out there (no pun intended) that have made this journey. Now I am experiencing the thoughts of "why didn't I just do this earlier?", etc., but there were obviously reasons why. I am now 55 and sure of who I am. It really is wonderful to have that aspect of fear and hiding (and confusion) no longer a prominent component of my consciousness. Thank you for giving a forum for me to relate.

[@BarryRebooted]

Wow, huge huge similarities between us. I do sometimes get down about all the missed happiness earlier in life, but obviously we cannot change the past. Usually I'm pretty good about truly living in the present. I am so happy for you, thanks for writing! p.s. curious - did your partner also come out late in life?

[@dwight4089]

BarryRebooted Thanks for your response Barry. No my partner had the huge advantage of growing up in San Francisco so he was able to come out at age 20. I grew up in the rural/repressed/intolerant (at the time) Midwest so the concept of being gay came with tremendous risk and a certain guarantee for ruin and abandonment. The positive thing is my partner's prior relationships were not emotional or spiritually healthy or fulfilling so we've evolved together in a time of exploration and fulfillment, emotionally and sexually. I am very grateful. When I think about the missed opportunities for fun and frolicking in the years that flew by I always come back to the realization that had that been my life I would not have the three wonderful children I have and nothing would be worth that. My children are very supportive (and one son came out after me and has a wonderful partner; I think I gave him permission!). Yesterday my daughter mentioned how I seem so much more at peace. I do regret the possibility that my fullest potential was not reached because I was so immersed in managing the Same Sex Attraction aspect of my life that I had somehow convinced myself was normal. I was straight in my mind, it was all I could be, all that was allowed. It is such a relief that I did not get out of this life without getting out! I love being gay. I love being who God created me to be. I believe there are many, many men like us out there. Thank you again for giving me another forum for affirmation.

[@BarryRebooted]

dwight It's uncanny how many similarities we share - as you know I also convinced myself I was straight, have 3 awesome kids to show for it...and I love being gay! Best wishes!

[@dwight4089]

BarryRebooted All the best to you too Barry. Yes I do agree there is an uncanny number of similarities between our two stories. I especially agree with the remark about having a part of the brain freed up to use in positive ways instead of managing the SSA but I'm not gay component. That was a huge time and mental suck that is a monumental burden to be free of. Best wishes to you. I will check for updates to your story from time-to-time.

[@mgrella63]

Congrats on finding yourself!

[@kenx1487]

Really interesting coming out story Barry. I was married for 25 years but throughout my marriage I continued to struggle with my what I called my gay side. I lied to myself saying it was just a period in my life that I thought about gay sex. It happen several times a year but I was able to keep it at bay. By doing that I didn't realize that anger came out. A horrible anger. I easily got into physical fights what guys I didn't know. It didn't matter. I thought I was just being a tough guy but in reality it was a way for my mind to cope with my secret to myself that I was bi/gay. Something I told myself I was not. Being LBGT is not a choice. The only choice you have is accept it.

[@BarryRebooted]

Hi Ken, thanks for sharing this:) Your "hiding" came out as fights, mine came out as depression...like you say, the only real choice (and the only path top happiness) is to accept ourselves. -Barry

[@36jkim]

Barry, as I write this, I'm 2 + years deep into perpetual separation & yet again staying with friends. We will be divorcing, and I plan to come out at years end. My question: The pain, depression & horror of not being able to be around my 3 year old is almost too much to bear -- let alone thinking about coming out when she's 4 and more. How did you deal with this?

[@BarryRebooted]

Hi Eric, what will be your child custody-sharing plan? My kids were older when I divorced, already spent most of their time doing their own thing, so being with them every other week worked well. It's much more complex with a preschooler obviously, child-care issues, etc. But the truest truth is you cannot be the best possible father if you are unhappy, or if you are hiding, or if you are anything less than fully honest and fully yourself with your children. Role model the behavior you would like to see in them. Live your life the way you would like then to live their live, even if they turn out to be gay too. It's not always easy - sometimes VERY hard, but when it comes down to it, there really is no alternative than to play the cards you were dealt, with integrity and love.

[@stillatwink965]

I recently came out myself at 43. However, our stories could not be more different. I basically knew at 15 but went straight into denial. Had my first and only girlfriend at 27. Lasted 2 months. Denial pretty much ended after that. As I have been a hermit most of my life I never saw much point in coming out. Finally did so last month after seeing a video discussing the suicide statistics for gay teens. Decided at that point "I had to stand up and be counted. There is just too much at stake."

[@BarryRebooted]

Thanks Man!

[@DIDIJEANPHI]

very inspiring...

[@kevin_in_207]

Hi Barry, I came out in 2015 at the age of 48. It is nice to see someone our age posting on here. Feel free to message me if you need to chat. Kevin

[@BarryRebooted]

What part of the country/world are you from?

[@kevin_in_207]

Western Maine

[@juliussmith4001]

Freedom you are now true to your self.

[@BarryRebooted]

Thanks Grant:)

[@GlynRobinson]

I’m 49 and I need to “wear the shoes”. My life has been so terrible in certain aspects. I’d like to add you on Facebook.

[@BarryRebooted]

How did friends/family react when you came out?

[@BarryRebooted]

Thanks:)

[@stroop3666]

Did u reallt to figure it out?

[@kentobeans100]

where can i find u on fb?

[@christopherfelipe60]

Well. I think your cute

[@kevin_in_207]

I forgot to share one of my coming out stories.... My position had been eliminated, so I was working UPS for the Christmas season. My co-worker was a tall red-headed guy a few years younger than me whom I had know since he was 16. He is one of those perpetual wise guys who likes to tease people beyond any sense of decorum. During my shifts, he would try to fix me up with female customers (many of whom I knew already anyway - small town). I became tired of his antics and finally told him that I had switched back to guys last year. After an awkward pause, I told him that I prefer tall red-heads, but specified that he was excluded from that preference. Needless to say, he didn't try to fix me up with any more women, and he didn't have the tenacity to try and fix me up with any guys. LOL

[@BarryRebooted]

Love it!

[@BarryRebooted]

Just posted an update video. My plan/hope is to post every few months or so

[@jaggass]

people out there dont deny your trueself. anyone about yourself its none of their business at the end of the day. only yours i consider my self bi as ive been attracted sexually to women for most of my life but had that curiosity about a man. yet to act on it. i still find some girls hot though not many

[@williaml5084]

Part 5 ?WTF

[@kaml.7341]

I couldn't believe that he has always been attracted to men, but he didn't think he was gay!

[@WhitneyHouston4eva1]

Hi Barry Have you checked out the channel Out Late But Great The uploading are people who have come out as gay late in life

[@BarryRebooted]

I don't get to spend much time on KZbin these days, but I do watch them sometimes. Thanks for your note!

[@jaggass]

i was bi till now as i was still sexually attracted to women the older ive got thats dissapeared now. now im attracted to men but can find a girl hot. but prefer men i want to explore my sexuality.

[@BarryRebooted]

When I was in high school, I think my hormones were so high they covered up my orientation:)

[@joeswinehart1191]

Amazing your stories. I appreciate it and learn a lot from you Barry. Thank you

[@cumarcaqlifure8870]

Nurnan

[@stillatwink965]

I am a hermit, so I had no friends to come out to. My family was supportive and not surprised. Amusingly, my mother asked me if I was "sure". I replied, "I'm 43 years old.....I'm sure" lol. Having had only one girlfriend in the past 35 years, what else could they think? I'm sure there are straight guys out there with dating records that dismal but you could probably fit them all in an elevator.

[@kentobeans100]

i had a crush on this guy in 4th grade...lol

[@jaggass]

i was genuinely attracted to women in my early life but over the years it went now i like transexuals pre ops and men

[@mochi_3600]

Divorce was awesome ! Lol

[@guytiips3906]

No problem...sir move on your life

[@kevintangney1849]

It's relatively easy now to be LGBT and Christian. Just find a Congregational church that is "Open and Affirming."

[@mikerope5785]

secretly watching gay movies and going on gay websites ^ *I'm definitely not gay*

[@jaggass]

question is have you ever been attracted a woman before?

[@BarryRebooted]

I was attracted to the idea of having a girlfriend - I had that goal because I wanted to fit in. And I was attracted to the idea of having sex, and I thought relationships with women was the way to address that. But other than crushes on a couple girls in 4th or 5th grades, no, I've never been intrigued by women or attracted to women. I've always been intrigued by men, and now that I'm less fucked up, my attraction to men is stronger than ever.

[@jaggass]

BarryRebooted glad youre being true to yourself. my story is alot different to yours i was sexually attracted to women till about 21. i still like girls abit some are really hot like you cant stop staring at them. had sexual relationships with women. but never had a relationship with a man love to have sex with one if i found one attractive sexually. and looking at transgender people too

[@AllenTax]

michael jagger bisexual.

[@BarryRebooted]

Hi Michael, I "wanted" a woman, just like you might want a particular job, or a fancy new car. But attracted? Nope. Friends would oogle women, and I never understood the fascination. Now that I've been with men it is clearer than ever - I was faking it with women. Being with women was never satisfying, and now I know why. In contrast, I am extremely attracted to some men:) -Barry

[@jaggass]

BarryRebooted Wow its nice to hear from you again BarryRebooted.

[@zoyataylor]

poor wife though...

[@BarryRebooted]

Ok here's a prediction: Mitt Romney will go down in history as the LAST U.S. major party Presidential candidate to oppose legal gay marriage. What do you think?

[@gregbrady8454]

Such a Drama Queen

[@jaggass]

damn hormones

[@carlosrabino5125]

Are you dating men now?