Part One: Steven Seagal Is So Much Worse Than You'd Ever Imagine | BEHIND THE BASTARDS

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Part One: Steven Seagal Is So Much Worse Than You'd Ever Imagine | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
Trust us, Steven Seagal is a world class monster. On episode 26, Robert is joined by the Internet's Seanbaby about Seagal's aikido, alleged human trafficking and unconscionable blues music.
Original Air Date: October 16, 2018
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There’s a reason the History Channel has produced hundreds of documentaries about Hitler but only a few about Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bad guys (and gals) are eternally fascinating. Behind the Bastards dives in past the Cliffs Notes of the worst humans in history and exposes the bizarre realities of their lives. Listeners will learn about the young adult novels that helped Hitler form his monstrous ideology, the founder of Blackwater’s insane quest to build his own Air Force, the bizarre lives of the sons and daughters of dictators and Saddam Hussein’s side career as a trashy romance novelist.
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[@dannypaterson888]

I was in a casino once and found myself stood a few feet from Steven Seagal. He had 3 or 4 large minders around him. He was dressed outlandishly and stood there surveying the people. He had the air of a man who wanted desperately to be approached so he could have his minders telll them not to approach him

[@mrcritical6751]

That…is a whole new flavour of pathetic

[@paultwiss199]

Ha ha Brilliant !

[@HigherFidelityYoga]

I had a mouthful of cereal and milk when he said "I peed my pants for 8 straight minutes. No one expected me to do that". I almost died.

[@shaurmiath6719]

Personally, I think the most evocative thing Seanbaby has written about Steven Seagal running was "Steven Seagal moves like time-lapse footage of a pigeon decomposing and it's a five step process for him to change directions," which, granted, was about him in a bad video game, but I think is quite apt for him in real life.

[@kyoyameganebereznoff]

Steven Seagal has the same energy as the Rex Kwan Do guy from Napoleon Dynamite

[@toddsmith8608]

Nah, Rex was way cooler, less creepy, and a better action star.

[@inlander.wentruz]

I feel like rex could still lay a smackdown and kick the ass of an average person

[@UnrelatedAntonym]

I feel Rex is more legit than Steven. Which isn't much, but I would bet on Rex in a fight.

[@wendynerd1199]

"Fighting in the octagon" is something Steven Seagal would totally say. He wouldn't even need to be drunk.

[@BdR76]

12:00 "I'm gonna guess he does right by her. Let's read the next paragraph" 😆 lmao

[@TARDISman85]

the thing i always bring up when people doubt what a bastard Seagal is is that the Expendables having every action hero from this era and their cousin show up for at least a cameo. Seagal not being there speaks VOLUMES

[@mrcritical6751]

From what I’ve heard, Seagal was asked. He does have relations with the other 80’s action stars, famously Stallone invited him to a party with all of them once. Problem was apparently Seagal hated a producer who was working on The Expendables and refused to take part

[@Wendy_O._Koopa]

I started typing his name in the search bar, and the first thing to pop up was literally "steven seagal running."

[@CroatInAKilt]

I’ve been reading Seanbaby articles since 2008. This was my first exposure to someone who hated Steven Seagull and never missed a chance to make fun of him. What a perfect guest for this particular podcast

[@maximus440]

The guest is seanbaby from the old Cracked days? He wrote some of the funniest shit I've ever read in my entire life

[@CroatInAKilt]

@@maximus440 i still read his articles sometimes when i'm high and i laugh like a hyena

[@fedos]

No one gets out of my dojo til they've sung the blues.

[@seantracey9935]

Now I keep picturing a Saturday morning cartoon, Stephen Seagull. Just randomly attacking people's meals and yelling "aikido"

[@avace917]

Part one is an hour? This is gonna be incredible

[@m-tipp1697]

All I can see during the Segal impressions is Batman which is making this so much funnier 😂

[@Steffen_braucht_Viagra]

New to the channel and I'm loving it!

[@BehindTheBastards]

Keep listening!

[@BeastNationXIV]

The way Robert side-eyes Humphrey Bogart is how I feel about Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. One my favorite entertainers of all, but as of the past 3 to 5 years, something's been off about him and I'm not sure what it is.

[@theautisticguitarist7560]

Imo, over exposure. You see him enough and you just go "yep. It's the Rock, I guess."

[@DStecks]

Like Seagal, he's also contractually obligated to never take a punch. It's also definitely a red flag that he's beefed with Vin Diesel, a guy that everybody else in Hollywood seems to love working with.

[@JackgarPrime]

​@theautisticguitarist7560 I would say it's that he doesnt even feel like Yhe Rock anymore and hasnt for a while. Like that super charismatic side of him has been buried under The Dwayne, a cynical movie mill.

[@SunTzuMedia]

Because he's been bought by democrats and their agenda. He is now a Democrat operative. Sold his soul.

[@paulschumacher4308]

His fake Steven Segal voice is like a bad Batman impression. 😳

[@cybercop0083]

Seagal speaks like Batman whispering, unless he is dubbed

[@Hamun002]

9 minutes in and the entire base of Seagal’s life is gone this is amazing

[@hellbreakfast1590]

I am suffering today. I have opened this tab and directly looked up this thing to listen to because my wife said there was more Seagal. I listened to 2 and walked away. My stupid ass is back now. Why am i doing this to me?

[@raven_g6667]

You forgot another constant in Steven Saegal movies: Creepy dude sitting by himself in a strip club thousand yard staring at a woman young enough to be his granddaughter. And she has the hots for him.

[@Reed5016]

That’s always a weird one.

[@therealbluedragon]

Seanbaby is one of the funniest people alive! I’ve been following him since the Brok3n Pix3ls days (2006) and he has always been a highlight of everything he has ever been a part of.

[@hungryhedgehog4201]

AIkido does not have a single attack why would you bring it into MMA competitions? What kind of argument is this?

[@Wendy_O._Koopa]

Are you sure? Googling "Are there any attacks in Aikido?" (without quotes) gets several reddit/quora threads talking about how you actually _can_ attack with Aikido.

[@Reed5016]

I came here from James Tullos’s book review on Seagall’s The Way of The Shadow Wolves. I’m glad I found out about this podcast.

[@triplecastsleep1924]

I was lightly introduced to this by the Jontron video making fun of him, but my god does this rabbit hole go far deeper than I imagined.

[@memph1ston]

@16:03 I love Robert's gun knowledge :D

[@ocularpatdown]

Having grown up in a city adjacent to Fullerton, I can say with certainty that it ain’t Brooklyn. Steve!

[@shortnite_6643]

The most famous example of Seagal “taking a shot” in a movie is Executive Decision; known as a Seagal movie ahead of/at time of release due to his image and name featuring heavily in the promotion and poster and everything even though he dies right at the beginning before any action actually happens. Most of the movie is carried by Kurt Russell and Halle Berry. This is also the movie where the infamous Leguizamo incident occurred behind the scenes.

[@jibbityjab2469]

And, the most famous example of Seagal "taking a shit" is when Gene LeBell choked him out.

[@rainsoakedpuppy]

Frankly "Executive Decision" is his absolute best movie. ...best movie he's in. ....for a few minutes.

[@Dimmo87ie]

@@jibbityjab2469he shat his pants on that occasion, if memory serves

[@mikerosoft1009]

​@@Dimmo87ieI heard he shat someone else's pants.

[@cameronmcleod8419]

​@mikerosoft1009 the highest level of Aikido is shitting someone else's pants

[@disgorgeofconsciousness2250]

I honestly want a Steven Seagal movie that goes something like Being John Malkovich. I feel like that would be a fucking NIGHTMARE

[@danielschein960]

I was told a story by a director of him sexually assaulting a woman in a hotel.

[@bethanychatman9531]

My god. That's disgusting and infuriating, I hope one day that f*ck gets what he deserves.

[@UnrelatedAntonym]

The Bullshido Grand Master is even more terrible as a person than I have heard of. Wow.

[@PatrickGreeneFearwriter]

I'm not trying to start a political argument but Seagal seems to have an awful lot in common with Donald Trump.

[@IsmailofeRegime]

He's gone on record supporting Trump and the Republican Party, which kinda surprised me since back in the day he came across as politically closer to Richard Gere than Joe Arpaio (a few of his films had liberal-leaning politics as well: Above the Law, On Deadly Ground, Fire Down Below, The Patriot.)

[@crisisalert3029]

Narcissists be like that.

[@NickTaylorRickPowers]

Both hang off Putin's testicles

[@Toanleigh]

Game recognizes game. ;)

[@damiantirado9616]

@@Toanleighwhat game? Raping women?

[@mousc460]

With all of these Seagal tales, I've come to the realization that Steven Seagal is the yin to Chuck Norris' yang.

[@SgtKaneGunlock]

i know right and chuck norris sucks

[@kevinkorenke3569]

I may not agree with a number of Chuck Norris's political leanings but every indication we have is that he is a professional and all-around decent guy. In that regard definitely the opposite of Steven Seagull.

[@jays.6843]

​@@kevinkorenke3569Dude is literally a bible thumping homophobe.

[@TheDancerMacabre]

21:00 Robert and Seanbaby mention the ineffectiveness of other martial arts as bullshit because of UFC and MMA. Thing is, BJJ, Muay Thai (kinda) and even Judo to a point aren't effective real world martial arts either. And that's because you're grappling your opponent and often goinf with them to the ground. Its great for security for a 1 on 1 or 2 on 1 (when have the two) but not in "combat." It's why most militaries have taught and some still teach strike focused martial arts: boxing, karate, tae kwon do, ( and Judo) to get the opponent on the ground quickly. MCMAP is a mix of those including, a bit of non-lethal restraint (BJJ and MACH) and bayonet techniques. Even then, its still a last resort, but the pirpose is to put the other person on the ground as fast as possible while you"re still on your feet. And yes, this includes groin shots, eye gouges, exploder/oblique kicks to the knee, strikes to neck. Not allowed in most MMA since PRIDE FC folded, but its what they teach the military.

[@LSChimera]

A movie of his popped up on freevee and I had to share the description. Sniper: Special Ops Steven Seagal (Machete) leads a cast that includes actual military personnel in this ...

[@FilthyKingsRock]

Here from Yahtzee Tries on Second Wind.

[@javierpatag3609]

45:14 You guys made me look up Steven Seagal running here on KZbin. It was literally the first result on auto-complete.

[@darkdrake13]

I competed in MMA and Muay thai, been doing martial arts/combat sports for 12 years. Ironically I started with a variation of Aikido. I'd say about 20% of it works. Standing Wristlocks are used more and more in Bjj comps. Footwork fundamentals are legit. And Im sure you'll catch a drunk guy at a bar with a wrist control or standing "Kimura/ude garami" if you try. But beyond that yeah you're not flipping anybody.

[@sea4our]

the reason you don't see pure Jeet Kune Do fighters in competitive fighting is because unfortunately some of the tools taught in Jeet Kune Do are banned in competitive fighting because it's more of a "self defense" technique (dirty fighting)/can do serious damage. you can't eye gouge somebody in the octagon. we're seeing more elements of Jeet Kune Do pop up in MMA. Ben Saunders is one of not many JKD based fighters and has worked in TUF, Bellator, and UFC. I'm sure JDK would have been used

[@MousyBScrappin]

On a related note We see trapping in mma all the time but it’s rarely recognized as such and it doesn’t look like chi sao but like dirty boxing and parrying w simultaneous striking. Plenty of legit JKD fighters that can fight and spar w mma fighters like at the NY Martial Arts Academy but being a successful pro athlete in a combat sport is not just being able to fight, it’s a lot more. I hate hearing the “ if this art worked it would be in the UFC” fallacy. Aikido isn’t delegitimized because it’s not in the UFC, it’s delegitimized because it requires a cooperating opponent. Aiki-jujitsu is the supposed combat based original version prior to being converted to a “way” or “Do” for societies benefit

[@yaelmorin9017]

​@@MousyBScrappin Yes, and in fact the most popular contemporary thing called "aiki-jujutsu" (namely Daito-ryu aiki-jujutsu) is very similar to contemporary aikido. I see aikido as a beautiful, often instructive collaborative study in movement -- it's a way of moving that is halfway between grappling and swordsmanship. The only direct application I've found for it in actual fighting is the stuff that I have also done in judo and krav maga. The useful stuff in judo is mostly also present in BJJ. One area where judo and BJJ have problems, which aikido addresses in principle and krav maga addresses more realistically, is the case of multiple attackers---in this case, going to the ground is very dangerous. (I have nidan in Yoshinkan Aikido, rokkyu in judo, four years krav maga, and have attended several workshops by visiting Daito-ryu aiki-jujutsu teachers.)

[@theautisticguitarist7560]

GOUGE HIS EYES

[@kosmokat111]

@@theautisticguitarist7560 *points at tv*

[@windsnexus9064]

I actually went looking for this today. What are the odds?

[@willt9331]

Seriously one of the best btb episodes

[@TheChestnutBowl]

I was hoping this ep would be added.

[@lewisfitzsimmons1271]

How is whispering ghost not the title of a Seagal film?

[@LordQuadros]

As unbearable as it sounds, I want to be a fly on the wall for Steven Seagal, Alex Jones, and Vince McMahon exchanging tall tales.

[@RXbee2]

So, Steven BOUGHT someone's life story to pretend it was his own? LMAO Larry David must've stolen that storyline for Kramer in Seinfeld from SeaGull. LMAOOOOOooo

[@dannybahoobees19]

No.

[@marocat4749]

SomeONE, no a lot apearently.

[@jimenycricket8431]

Sadat was assassinated... before that the Shah of Iran was deposed as well, good one, Steve!

[@rainyfeathers9148]

Why was the little girl (18 is NOT an adult imo) by herself at a celebrity's "party". An adult should've been with her, they would've know something was off when no one else was there and certainly wouldn't have stayed to the point of letting him take her to his room. It's not good enough, people.

[@jibbityjab2469]

So...was the time in the car meeting with the mobsters the 1st or 2nd time he shit himself??....need to know the "Gene Lebell/mobsters make Seagal shit pants" timeline.

[@td5046]

There is a theory that the reason SS was so embarrassed by shitting himself after getting choked by Libell is because he also reached orgasm. A court document statement by the woman he kidnapped and raped "he has a unique physical reaction to arousal". That being either that he prematurely ejaculates, shits himself upon orgasm, or both

[@joeschmo2693]

Where's Ritchie?

[@Kaizuker]

Not rushing to defend Steve’s application of it but traditional martial arts aren’t “bullshit” simply because they aren’t commonly used in MMA. Some just aren’t designed for it and that’s why they are more of an art. It’s like saying an olympic level competition air pistol isn’t a good weapon because it doesn’t have the stopping power of a Desert Eagle. It’s removing context and nuance for usage and reducing the purpose of something to the most simplistic form.

[@marocat4749]

A lot arent really BSbut having oldschool that is more practical and with bite, and the ones that are neutered and more sportized. There is even actual practical tai chi, its just rare to find because the sportification does not wat to keep the more edge. pretty sure even akaido has aplications if probably los any practical use there. oh ad dishonest mcdojo are a thing about all of that .

[@DeadManSinging1]

Akido is bullshit though. It doesnt really serve any realy practical purpose. It was invented as a companion to Kendo for if you were disarmed. Thats the only purpose that it really serves

[@NoActuallyGo-KCUF-Yourself]

​@@DeadManSinging1 That is simply not true.

[@NoActuallyGo-KCUF-Yourself]

The problem comes from big-ego instructors and profit-motive "dojos." The arts themselves are fine if practiced seriously.

[@RealJohnnyAngel]

I've got some practical experience in security after a lot of traditional jujitsu (sibling art to Aikido) joint manipulation stuff, etc. Maybe it's my teachers (the founder of the specific art founded it because of the political nature and loss of focus of practicality/reality), maybe I'm 'built different' (unlikely) but it does work in it's base essence, when applicability/practicality is the core, rather than the pageantry and politics. But there's a lot of traditional martial arts schools that have the problem of focusing on tradition and the politics of eastern beaurocratic social customs. And joint manipulation is not enough on it's own. You need good striking and ground game. But aikido/jujitsu is very complementary and improves the quality of the others.

[@NoActuallyGo-KCUF-Yourself]

Nishio-ryu aikido has a lot of good striking and includes weapons practice even in early grades. A lot of other aiki is pretty "fluffy bunny," though.

[@joshuawilliams8252]

Sammy "The Bull" Gravano does have a Steven Seagal story on his channel, but I'd take it with a grain of salt.

[@thetalkingbear]

Marked for Death was ok. Had a good one liner.

[@Tothro]

If only he had done the Ghengis Khan movie, much like our hero John Wane, we need to find an active dirty nuclear bomb testing site first of course.

[@sigmascrub]

You can tell this is an older episode. Robert's nowhere near as neurotic 🤪

[@DStecks]

Seanbaby invented being funny on the internet, but fully half of his jokes _are_ fat jokes

[@marocat4749]

so e dis a aster of bullshido, its actually reallycalled bullshido. Given i have se on a few artial arts channel and co so far. I just think its a funny term and accrate Also did his movies launder money for the mafia?! Why else would they finance his movies? Yes bmovie stuff but could easy too be money laundering too. What can be realisticly the returns. A least in a lot of them.

[@origami_dream]

what

[@nevermind7342]

АПВОУТ

[@rorylynch1203]

Where mama at?

[@jackdee818]

Reminds me of a quotation from one of Steven Seagal's movies: "you finally met someone worse than you." Steven Seagal is such a great actor, such a badass, and kicks so much ass. He's probably my favorite actor (along with Tom Selleck).

[@dannybahoobees19]

I really hope you're joking

[@user-lc1te3rq2t]

this is one of the most embarrassing things I've ever read. I'm truly sorry your brain doesn't work better

[@gaylordfocker7990]

Wow, haven't heard the name Seanbaby in like 20 years. Used to read his EGM articles. He inspired all the angry KZbinrs.

[@mandu6665]

Yeah but Seanbaby has real comedic writing talent. Those angry youtubers are neckbeard dorks who whine about everything. Big difference.

[@joellongworth3097]

I'm born and raised in Lansing Michigan. It's weird knowing he's from here