Part Two: Steven Seagal Is So Much Worse Than You'd Ever Imagine | BEHIND THE BASTARDS

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Part Two: Steven Seagal Is So Much Worse Than You'd Ever Imagine | BEHIND THE BASTARDS
In Part Two of our series on Steven Seagal, Robert is joined again by the Internet's Seanbaby and they continue to discuss Steven Seagal who is an actual monster.
Original Air Date: October 18, 2018
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There’s a reason the History Channel has produced hundreds of documentaries about Hitler but only a few about Dwight D. Eisenhower. Bad guys (and gals) are eternally fascinating. Behind the Bastards dives in past the Cliffs Notes of the worst humans in history and exposes the bizarre realities of their lives. Listeners will learn about the young adult novels that helped Hitler form his monstrous ideology, the founder of Blackwater’s insane quest to build his own Air Force, the bizarre lives of the sons and daughters of dictators and Saddam Hussein’s side career as a trashy romance novelist.
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[@Dradeeus]

"It's like if you randomized once in a character creator and just went with it." lmao

[@NarffetWerlz]

From the moment the song started I felt the wind escape my lungs as if a aikido chop had crushed them. My nethers felt obliterated as if by a judo kick. I felt the life escape my body as if it were gunned down by karate. At that point, I understood Seagal. I _was_ Seagal. I had myself become a reincarnation of something Buddhish. 10/10 album of the year every year since it released no I wasn't paid $70000 for this because the check bounced.

[@lindsayruiz]

"The stolen valor equivalent of a Native American" 💀

[@Saturn_dragonsillydog]

¿¿Stealing Valor...is same as Faking to be a 1stNation, Nishnawbe, Native (North & S. American)?? Is that what you're stating?

[@platedlizard]

@@Saturn_dragonsillydogyeah Steven fakes being a Native American. He isn’t, but pretends he is. It’s pretty gross

[@panonymousbloom5405]

I would PAY to see: 1. Putin having to sit through an entire Seagal performance for the first time. 2. Obama's face upon receiving a "yeah put Steven fucking Seagal in government position".

[@redjirachi1]

Putin having to sit down through an entire Seagal performance is realistically the closet amount of karma we can expect the dictator to face in his life.

[@fedos]

Joe Arpaio and Steven Seagal are like the worst cop team up I can imagine.

[@trifontrifonov4297]

And ironically one of them is not a cop anymore and the other should not be a cop.

[@Axioanarchist]

As a former AZ resident, i will look forward to your episode on Arpaio.

[@moorejim13]

The snippet of “blues” music they played literally pissed me off, like this man doesn’t know what the fuck he is doing at all.

[@JamesWho1]

That Strut song is hilarious wtf was he thinking 🤣🤣🤣😂😂

[@KYurbanHOMESTEADINg]

Imean it passes for well-produced Dancehall but still whatever guys still sociopath.

[@hunterapena]

And they said he can't do comedy

[@erikrungemadsen2081]

And remember this guy is a reincarnated Llama.

[@JackgarPrime]

He was thinking about poonani

[@HarryDirtay]

​@@KYurbanHOMESTEADINgit was supposed to be the blues, not give people the blues😂

[@delusionnnnn]

The audience cheering when Steven Seagal's character got killed was my experience, too. It wasn't a lusty standing ovation or anything, but there were a number of people clapping and laughing, and I was one of them. I didn't realize he was in the movie until the opening credits, and I definitely groaned with disappointment, so the death scene was an unexpected gift.

[@Theslimslayer]

I swear, the part about his “Blues music expertise” is the funniest thing I’ve heard in so long

[@woahblackbetty7691]

Steven claimed in a reddit AMA that he learned to play guitar in an "all black blues band in the 60s in Detroit" 😂 😂 wtf

[@GlenGarcia1961]

@@woahblackbetty7691

[@CooleyHigh20]

I had to pause at Strut I almost died laughing in the car 😂

[@CC-vl7tf]

I laughed so hard in the office that a coworker came by because she was worried I was crying

[@erikrungemadsen2081]

@@CC-vl7tfif you told your coworker you were listening to Steven Segals blues record. They had reason to worry.

[@ripvanwinkle6940]

I have chickens. There is not a single container, bucket, reservoir designed by god or man that they will not find a way to shit inside of.

[@JacobGunner]

... I physically stopped moving or a second in utter shock over that "blues music"

[@EBannion]

"Weird how he went hard right" I mean not really, they're the side of rape apologists and that's kinda his main thing I think.

[@d3nza482]

No need to even go there. SS is a poster child for toxic masculinity, a narcissist AND a pathological liar. It would have been amazing had he not ended up palling about with dictators.

[@pennywaldrip3774]

Best title for the proposed "Steve Segal is a reincarnation of a lama and he must be stopped" movie: Above the Lama

[@ohnoagremlin]

odd to add but if the dude (who steven attacked with a tank) was breeding chickens for show he probably only had a few roosters, most show categories involve hens. so steve saw 100 hens and a handful of stud roosters and knew he'd be uncovering a whole cartel

[@trevfindley5704]

Reading this comment at 20mins in, lets me know that I'm in for a wild ride with this podcast...

[@PreDatoR1873]

I was crying. The bloody chicken. Ffs Steven. 😂😂😂

[@iguanaboi3921]

Driving a tank into someones house sounds like a family guy bit

[@robertbensch7748]

TBH everything about Seagull sounds like it's possibly in Family Guy.

[@wolfgangsow3300]

"Reincarnage" would be a fitting title 😄

[@jdrvargo287]

26:42 Oh my God, that song😂

[@mrcritical6751]

Ok seriously, how is Seagal not in jail?

[@snorpenbass4196]

Mob connections, and when they finally abandoned him he ran to Russia, then went to the kind of place that would accept a traitor working for Russia - Conservative Rural America!

[@justcommenting4981]

What cell could hold him?

[@woahblackbetty7691]

He got put in jail but had A key do

[@patrickmitchell9068]

I got too ask, why the fuck was he playing police in lousiana?

[@makeitthrough_]

Because he found a police force dumb enough to indulge him (which, tbf, probably wasn't that hard)

[@miguelvelez7221]

​@@makeitthrough_Not dumb. Incredibly corrupt. When a gator filled swamp is a twenty minute drive it's easy to disappear whomever you want. Not too different from our Western USA, Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona, places where miles and miles of nothing around is a short trip from any good sized town or city and this a great place to put a body no one will ever find, which cops take advantage of.

[@ghintz2156]

​@@makeitthrough_Harry Lee LOOOOVED getting attention.

[@popeyefeline7904]

Just listened to Part 1 glad I didn't have to wait long for Part 2! Thank you!

[@SgtKaneGunlock]

they just started uploading these to youtube

[@davidblank420]

"I cant believe its not Buddha." That wss fuckin great.

[@poeticalvision]

ate the willy wonka gum LOL

[@robertbensch7748]

OMG this is one of those stories that just get wilder and wilder the longer it goes on.

[@rosskuhlman]

42:08 Flopdong has been my screen name in games since like 2005, sorry boys its taken

[@patchso]

“A remarkable piece of shit.” I’ve got nothing else to add.

[@ihatedre]

Just discovered this podcast and it is amazing! I can already say I will be an avid subscriber! I just hope that Mr Steven Seagal doesn't read this and come after me 🐦🐧🕊🦅🦆🦢🦉🦤

[@RXbee2]

The rooster story sounded like a Segal story. 😲

[@stinky9067]

Is that a Steven seagal impersonation or a Batman impersonation? Trick question it's the same person

[@ChewyThomson]

Fat Batman - Fatman

[@snoopyolsey]

That widow's peak Steven Seagal has is not even real. I used to have a real 1 myself. But, it faded away with age :(

[@shmehfleh3115]

Didn't Seagal have a bromance with Kim Jong Un, too?

[@Mute-chan420]

Sex with seagal must be so disgusting I feel practically traumatized just listening to that

[@RustyShackleford101]

Steven Segal's singing sounds like a stroke victim falling down all the stairs of the Empire State Building......

[@mathewperring]

The theatre I was in cheered when Seigal got sucked out of the plane, but Steven wasn't there.

[@AfricanLionBat]

This was awesome. Just subscribed. How are you so criminally under subscribed?

[@davidblank420]

When youre katamaring some Damacy and its mentioned in a pod. I thought noone else knew 😂

[@kealunleday3948]

A 40 min fart🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@peterhoff6776]

Fullerton CA is the home of Fender Guitars, so there were absolutely high caliber guitar players of various genres passing through there. There was also a fair amount of metalwork going on in the area. More aluminum rather than steel, due to the Hughs Aircraft Company facility (later Boeing), and there was a big aluminum plant just over the hill in Corona. I don't know what that workforce looked like, but there was plenty of migration from the South to SoCal (as Prop has talked about). Anyway, just saying that part of Seagal's story is slightly less implausible than Robert presented it.

[@redjirachi1]

11:26-My question is when did that start? Who do we have to go back in time and eliminate to remove these societal evils?

[@mahtimonni97]

I *desperately* want to see Steven Seagal try to do an adaptation of a Jane Austen story. That would be the most offensive, yet hilarious thing ever.

[@jingham9990]

Shut up

[@11myricka]

ROBERT YOU LIVED IN THE CHICKEN HOUSE IN ARCATA? WE WERE NEIGHBORS

[@nizloc4118]

I mean Seagal did a bunch of stupid shit, I guess. But he got these two to talk about Fullerton and our Steel Mills for a minute. So I'll give him that.

[@emuman09]

This is cool I just wish it wasn't so quiet

[@jliveless5854]

Cool video..

[@jfu5222]

I compare Steven Segal's running to Katie Sagal in the role of Peg from Married With Children. Edit: No offense intended to Katie.

[@throatgorge2]

Researching the Blues? Was Steven Segal in Redd Kross?

[@jerkfudgewater147]

43:00 good lord

[@hillside21]

Coming soon: _Sheriff Ironside defeats the Ukraine!_

[@ThatGuyW3s]

"To be fair he's only executed drug users" is the worst thing that any guest has said on this podcast

[@CynthiaMcG]

If only his previous incarnation was a Bhottisadva.

[@bustercherry8734]

When titling these vids, you should really have the "part 2" or whatever after what the vid is about.

[@TheDarthbinky]

If I didn't listen to part I, does that make me a bastard worthy of my own episode?

[@JokeDeity2]

Robert Evans sometimes sounds like Amir Blumenfeld.

[@daniellundberg2875]

His name is not Pewtin

[@HardCodedGaming]

Honestly that Ukraine story around the 1-hour mark makes me feel better about the US having so many military wannabes. 😅

[@play-dohsallegory3368]

I will not stand for this slander of David Rakoff.

[@agentorange81]

If he met the devil at the crossroads, i doubt the devil made that deal , he's purgatory bound , you cant return to sender enternally , i doubt even purgatory has an opening...

[@oscaranderson5719]

finally, my time to shine! ahem- tanks and armored vehicles are classified by role, a tank’s role is to act semi-independently to assault targets. an armored vehicle can (and nowadays most do) have a turret and even hold their ground against tanks, but due to lighter arms/armor are less effective on the assault so are used to deploy and support infantry. this role matches police duties much better, also from the ones I’ve peeped the military will remove the turret before selling to them. also also treads tear up the road so police armored vehicles are usually wheeled. they still fuck up the road but a little less.

[@stevenwortrich6014]

Who paints his hair on, everyday?

[@HarryDirtay]

Chris Kyle was a chronic liar. His memoir was full of bullshit stories, but ao was the movie about his life, and his PTSD treatment regiment which consisted of drinking and shooting guns . 😂

[@Saturn_dragonsillydog]

Segal is really pronounced "SEA-GULL". St. SeaGull changed the pronunciation. True.

[@platedlizard]

Yeah they covered that in Part 1

[@robertnovich4137]

Its like Steven Sagall has eaten all other versions of Steven Sagal, so there can be only One Steven Sagal.... Even better tbet, in a straight action movie, Liam Neeson also did the original Darkman...and did better action scenes.

[@MightyThorngren]

Why is there no visuals even when talking about pulling them up?

[@ghintz2156]

Wait...are you saying "Jefferson Paris"? We have ParisHes, not Parises...I mean, we're pretty French in this state, but we don't name our counties after the capital of France lol.

[@tonpear5909]

Some people say Jefferson Parish is quite Parisian.

[@havanaradio]

Why is this so soft

[@jordinagel1184]

“And ‘Asian’ is capitalized” … Yes, that’s how it works in English. Not sure why you felt the need to mention that.

[@tonpear5909]

I don't have access to the quote he read but I assumed he meant it was stylized as "ASIAN", as if to emphasize how awesome Seagal's Asian-ness was. My assumption is based on my impression that Robert the host (as well as Sean the guest who joined in the laughter) is pretty sharp.

[@perhaps1094]

I think they meant in all caps

[@delusionnnnn]

That threw me, too, I had to double check my style guides to see if there was a major style guide not recommending names of continents be capitalized. I think consistency is more important than which guide you use, even if you use a combination or idiosyncratic personal system (as I do, largely based on Chicago). But, yeah, they probably actually did mean "ASIAN" rather than "Asian" because Steven Seagal is a mysticism-spouting orientalist racist dummy.

[@AfricanLionBat]

The Ukraine war isn't a civil war

[@origami_dream]

He's talking about the Maidan Revolution. As he says quite clearly at the start. Also called the Revolution of Dignity. Which... yeah, was a civil war, if it was any kind of war. Calling it a civil war might be disputed because calling it a war might be, but it was an act of armed, violent revolution against the government by its citizens, and violent repression of its citizens by that government, so definitely could count. He was *not* talking about the Russia-Ukraine War when he uses the term "civil war." Which he also makes clear is not a civil war when they transition to talking about that, saying how it's an invasion, by Russian occupiers, and about Ukraine maintaining sovereignty. So... yep, you're technically correct, i guess, well done. But also maybe listen closer. Also, it may be worth noting this was recorded in 2018. So while the Russia-Ukraine War was in a sense happening, the full-scale invasion wasn't at the time (though the occupation of Ukrainian territory had been for years and Russia was waging technological warfare and attempting to undermine their democracy [among others]).

[@RXbee2]

About those impressions....lol Perhaps stop? 😆 🤣 😂 😹

[@jonstarnes7905]

No! They're the best part!

[@HarryDirtay]

It's a defense mechanism, like smiling so you don't vomit😂

[@Countraccoonula]

I had to listen to that song again just to really grasp that it exists. I've heard it before but sometimes I forget we live in silent hill. Steven is pyramid head