Pat Dixon - Laura - This Is Not Happening - Uncensored

[@Skully-my3tj]

he looks like a grizzled new york detective with a drinking problem

[@madderRed]

That made me laugh more than the story. He really does

[@chipfreedom5758]

So a New York detective?

[@kinshaw3086]

i was thinking more forrest gump but yours is good too haha

[@clintmullins8670]

@@kinshaw3086 that's funny too, was my thought but I'm going with grizzled detective

[@clintmullins8670]

A tortured soul caught in a loop

[@SheepSlayer]

This guy is so dark, I love it.

[@eldercheesenuggets]

Really? Im not a fan of dark people, nor asians

[@floccinaucinihilipilification1]

@@eldercheesenuggets 🤣🤣🤣 why did I laugh so hard?! Hahaha.

[@nicelydunwell5681]

He's so dark his life almost matters.

[@WorldsWorstBoy]

@@eldercheesenuggets lawl

[@Learntoswim2024]

Fucking genius.

[@KarePassion]

He is describing a woman with a mood disorder - hypersexual, mood swings, manic and depression, extreme highs and lows, psychotic, suicidal, irrational

[@MCGodzilla94]

@Anjani Borderline Personality Disorder.

[@EikottXD]

For sure but those are the types that are the best in bed

[@EikottXD]

@Anjani he didn't know what he was choosing at first bro. he just made the mistake of not leaving sooner when he did find out.

[@Stalazon]

so.. a woman? kek

[@scratchy996]

it's too bad that these women are always the best in bed. I barely got out alive out of a similar relationship.

[@moeskeetz5473]

Dude looks like Tom Hanks if Tom Hanks drank and smoked everyday 😂😂

[@codybrotherton1179]

Exactly what I was thinking

[@amirawhite3218]

He looks exactly like Tom hanks in a league of their own

[@tommymartin1530]

He does dude 😂😂

[@kristinesmart24]

OMG.....that made me laugh more than this story.

[@johnhayes7590]

My first thought

[@nfranklin997]

I felt bad for laughing because I fell for someone like her before

[@patrickkeefe5243]

Jonny Brown it’s one bitch with a thousand faces. I’m convinced of it.

[@custos3249]

We all have, man. We all have.

[@denzilvallance9046]

@@patrickkeefe5243 They're basically snakes with tits.

[@kendall854]

I've been there too my dude

[@fucandfishdrinkandhunt6581]

I just parted way with a woman like that I loved her but she was crazy it started to drive me crazy I'm going to miss the sex the most

[@J43rv1]

Pat Dixon is criminally underrated. I wish he got more gigs on these comic shows

[@berserkergames113]

he criminally unfunny ... arrest that guy ... YIKES

[@denzilvallance9046]

The punchline of this story is absolutely killer.

[@ameliaflowers9836]

My therapist told me the same thing “ instant attraction is; filling the void from childhood “ RUN !!!!!!

[@justinv3512]

Your comment told me that " your punctuation is; confusing " IDK!!!!!

[@ameliaflowers9836]

Jake Wilferd I’m Very Happy that you’re doing so well !!!! I agree that drs and meds are not always the answer . The times I’ve met someone and fell almost instantly in love. Have been Bad idea.in the end if cost me lots of money and heart ache. The therapist and I chat like friends for a few mins every few months . All mental health workers are a bit mad .and they should Never be dated!!! we are all just trying to fix ourselves in one way or another. Sounds like you did a Really Good job at that, and I Truly Love hearing success story’s involving mental health . So many don’t make it . Stay Strong & Happy !!!

[@ameliaflowers9836]

Justin V you want a dough nut

[@Bmanritchie]

HOLY SHIT - that ‘Needlessness’ episode of The Shivering Truth!

[@chieflionface9922]

Your use of the semicolon here is so bizarre, lmao.. its purpose is to link separate but related ideas. I know I sound like a dick for even addressing it but believe it or not I'm actually trying to help you. Blatant grammar and punctuation mistakes make people look stupid even when they're not. I don't think you're stupid. I'm totally OK with looking like a dick if it means you won't make the same mistake in the future.

[@heronator]

My first girlfriend was a girl like this. She even self-diagnosed herself as Borderline, but that didn't stop anything. Luckily, she moved from NorCal to SoCal and got interested in someone else, so it was easy for me to break contact (which is good because at that time in my life I did not have the spine to do it myself).

[@bradwillard8009]

bro same first girl was exactly like this

[@ZachSquatch7]

I got lucky, met and dated the perfect one at age 15. I'm not 33 and we just divorced in june 2022. What's worse? A crazy one or the one that got away?

[@Ethan-uz6bg]

@@ZachSquatch7 jeez man, hope you’re okay

[@sirsenior1861]

Such a great story. I've watched this so many times since seeing it in high school. One of the best sets I've ever seen honestly, this and Ben Roy on this show

[@Petemejia77]

I like his way of talking and tone. It's like a sassy French Stewart.

[@geofox9484]

I wonder how much money they could save on their budget by just not having the intro that we all skip anyway

[@enjoyskymall]

I had an ex that was pretty similar to this girl, she was French and we met while we were both exchange students in Bolivia. I left a few months before she was scheduled to leave and she’d call/text me every 5 minutes, I tried keeping up at first because while we were together in person it was perfect; she was wild and free spirited, we got tattoos at 17 together, we’d have sex anywhere we could and even got arrested together for having sex on the street. She left Bolivia nearly 5 months early to come stay with me; i lived with my parents at the and was finishing up high school so naturally they said no. I told her that and she said well I’m coming anyway. I was supposed to go on vacation with my family but her flight landed in Chicago during that trip so I skipped it to sneak her back. She ended up living on my friend’s couch for 3 months (as long as her visa let her stay) and she had no money at all so I had to pay to feed her and drive her around. I was broke so I needed a job and started working at a restaurant. She’d sleep all day when I was in school and she’d be furious with me if I didn’t see her as soon as I was out of school, like screaming at me telling me I was torturing her. She’d keep me up until about 3 every single night forcing me to spend time with her and got mad at me for getting a job even though it was the only way she’d be able to eat. She’d tell me all the time how I was horrible and that I was abusing her so much to the point I started to believe her and I hated myself for months. I was sleep deprived to the point I fell asleep while driving once, luckily she grabbed the wheel and woke me up with insults. The worst part was that she didn’t speak any English. Like none. We spoke only in Spanish so no one ever knew what she’d be saying and to this day no one ever believed me when I tell them how bad it was. I broke up with her after she left and she contacted my entire family relentlessly and had mobs of people trying to tell me to get back with her. I didn’t realize until years later that she was mentally abusing me daily for about a year straight. This story was the closest I’ve seen to someone sharing a similar experience. She never tried to kill but the suicide threats were often enough to become numb to them. The sex was too good

[@TheGvidaz]

God damn man, sounds insane. Thanks for sharing

[@Leotardoification]

Borderline disorder

[@analozada9475]

Josh Augustson she’s a cluster B personality...BIG TIME Borderline. Sorry you experience that. 😕

[@sbshaunb95]

Okay, seeing as you reeeally want to know why, I was in a similar situation too. From my side...you dont see that side until its too late...when its too late, I mean when real feelings get involved, and often these people can camouflage themselves very well...also...once the guy sees this and he has a big heart...he ends up hoping this kind of person will change for the better because he loves this person so much

[@andylacatus8467]

Let's be honest this is fake

[@Andxel2]

This guy is great. Honest, down to earth, unique and has one of the funniest voice i've ever heard. He sounds and looks like a 60s detective and he's got a good idea of how subtle dark humor should work. What a character.

[@zxcmvbn]

“The warm was room” lol

[@JoJo-ju7xw]

With that haircut and suit, he looks like an FBI agent from the 1950's edit: spelling . . .thanks for the correction Liam McNieve : )

[@maxcovfefe]

Skip intro, start @ 1:11

[@tammie4272]

The audience is so uncomfortable... It's great!! 🤭

[@immewhoareyou4077]

TamTam right? They didn’t know how to react. I loved the silence and awkward pauses from them lol.

[@bgorley]

Tragedy and comedy makes for some quality dark humor. Good (messed up) stuff.

[@Friggle_Dee]

Pat Dixon is a very underrated comedian. His podcast NYC Crime Report is great.

[@JadeRunner]

Also his other podcast TBD.

[@jw8414]

He is describing someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

[@Barbarian857]

No?!

[@Mai-Gninwod]

If you watch it more as a story and less as a comedy bit, it's really excellent. The guy is subtle but there's a lot of personality and emotion in the story. Sorta seemed like he wasn't necessarily trying to be funny. The guy definitely doesnt belong on this show but I'll be watching his other stuff

[@boogityhoo]

How come folks still don't know that's the whole point of this. Ari used to introduce the show as a story needing to be told, not a bit for a comedy special.

[@a.robertson3051]

@@boogityhoo beat me to the punch. You're spot on

[@emilyjackson2682]

Boogity Hoo totally! People in these comments just don’t get that this show is about stories and they just happen to be told by stand up comedians

[@amailman1409]

Where is his other stuff?

[@kyledavidson8712]

@@amailman1409 does he still do a spot on compound media? Pat Dixon is the shit.

[@lemonderangello]

noir movie anti-hero PI doing stand up... i don't think he was done with the story

[@wallcity318]

I just wanted to be the 100th like, but good description

[@heythatsnotmywalrus2819]

I don't either

[@zoezzzarko1117]

Agreed. He wanted to go out on top 😊

[@JadeRunner]

It is actually a true story.

[@impact-go9086]

I'd love for him and Doug Stanhope to have a talk together lol

[@Boxingcat23]

Evil Tom Hanks stoke Bill Hader’s voice!

[@TheKrazysexykool]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@duckfanatic]

my dad was in a relationship with someone like this but she was more of a professional widower than an actual wife.

[@carlyb7870]

“Professional widower” 💀💀💀

[@Yhdyssanakoe]

I love Ari as much as the next guy, but what I don't understand about these comments is: What the fuck does the presence of Ari have anything to do with the stories?? He's there for 10 seconds to introduce the speaker and do some dumb shit on the intros.

[@amybaby8272]

Yhdyssanakoe Id fucking die for Ari !!

[@crylok7062]

cause ari was cool and had awesome intros, roy is the opposite.

[@Yhdyssanakoe]

Doctor Review I remember when people where complaining about the intros being stupid and no one watching them... Hmm, grass is always greener and so forth

[@kingjellybean9795]

ari got on the show from time to time and told stories, even had some killer group stories

[@MIngalls]

Exactly, the intro is like 40 seconds and that's all the host has to do with each episode. If the stories and comedians suck, thats on them. If you want to talk about Ari's own stories on the show, well i didnt think any of them were that great either.

[@mutualexcrement]

This is one of my favorite ones

[@GaiusGarage]

I dont know many people here know of Pat Dixon - not exactly a household name in comedy. But this guy is highly underrated. The fact that he's not featured on Netflix or prominently featured on Comedy Central, or otherwise widely lauded in mainstream comedy is more a commentary on the shallow and condescending state of the standup in 2022

[@fancypants1523]

The girl had bipolar disorder. I have a friend that is like a carbon copy and everything that he said didnt surprise me at all. She was just a walking talking mood swing which could last a month at a time. She really did love him i think but the high and low mood swings were the basis on which she judged his actions. She was the fun and fancy free type because she cant find anything that makes her feel at home so just tries and fills it with anything she can. She cant go anywhere and feel happy and feel apart of it. Thats why she is willing to go anywhere because no place feels any different than any other. Ive been friends with my Laura for over 15 years. She acted the same way. Once she broke a plate over my head because she was mad i wouldnt go with her to a party because i had to work the next day. Her emotions did not reflect the situation but she couldnt control that. She felt like i cared more about staying home than going with her. She was sad because we have an opportunity to go have some fun together and that is important to her and i just blew her off like i didnt care. She is unable to feel better even if she agreed with me. I knew she was a good person and she had a good heart. She even asked me once why i was so stupid to still be her friend because people didnt stay around her long. I remember saying this to this day, i said "because you are my friend and i love you also you fucked up when you made me your cheezy potatoes they are fucking delicious."

[@crnkmnky]

❤️ Cute story. _My_ ‘Laura’ has turned into a flaming narcissist, so I don’t anticipate any 15 year friendiversary… 😒

[@idonotknow2002]

Maybe it's because he "allegedly" punched Geno in the face recently, but I'm starting to become a Pat Dixon fan. Funnier than I expected.

[@zizitopp]

what a scary tale of domestic violence

[@jamesalfredstrong8106]

Suicide talk, only one way to stop that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹

[@austinh3848]

The punchline was amazingly delivered.

[@Ryattt81]

I don't think it's good that these stories always reminds me of something from my life.

[@taramartin6177]

Dude, I feel the same way. Hope you're doing ok.

[@wormillionow3955]

I think the best joke was that IHOP had good service. Then picturing an on duty security guard on the payroll at the International House of Pancakes. ..

[@jferrerosa2]

We have security everywhere in Los Angeles, even our illustrious iHop 😂👍

[@denzilvallance9046]

Pat Dixon is one of my favourites. I like the way he puts pressure on the audience. Uncomfortable. Dark. Awesome. Obviously it's not for everyone but I can't get enough.

[@carlosbaja678]

I found Pat Dixon via Ant Cumia, thanks you ol' rascal!

[@crisantomorales9637]

I dated a girl like this. She was crazy but man did I fall for her

[@Devilock79]

That was fucking dark, holy shit. More of this guy please!

[@mattmccartney5996]

Release the "Bring back Aris!" Yeah, he does "give it up for ____!" better than anybody. What a talent.

[@PedroLopez-qu8wt]

This was his idea. That’s why people are calling for him to get his show back. He got Chappelled

[@NIIIIQQ]

I feel like it wasn't suppose to end right there.

[@washingmachine539]

i literally lived this story man. abuse like that is fucked up.

[@alzychoze6591]

I felt more like a reluctant friend of a friend trapped at a party than a comedy patron. But I did stay-

[@xpndblhero5170]

The opening was a clip from the movie "The Goats who stare at Men".... LoL

[@christinamcmillan7341]

ARI IS BUSY WITH HIS WORK. Just be glad the show is back

[@MaLLinz289]

This would be pretty good as like, a dark Southern noir crime romance story movie. He should make it a screenplay

[@jtomczak100]

i love roy wood jr dude dude is funny as hell

[@bigmarty11288]

I used to hate these intros, but then I became unconstipated at the exact moment Roy wood jr.'s head exploded, and now I have a whole different outlook on life.

[@Woodynik]

He described my last marriage and my last relationship perfectly.

[@caelodevorago608]

I've sadly had to deal with that kind of shit from a girl. In the end, I just stopped contact with her

[@purplevampireanime]

This guy is great 😂

[@user-jy3lo6ru2p]

Sadie Flannery check out his show NYC Crime Report. It's damn good nyccrimereport.libsyn.com/335-psycho-nanny

[@JavierViramontesR]

This guy is the Steinbeck of comedy.

[@torryleake9573]

That story was pretty dark. Nice! Love hurts.

[@asdfghjkl3669]

Shouldn't have discarded your Woman of Duty maybe lmao

[@smokeemifugottem2516]

😂 yep she's a keeper

[@KyleOfTheNorth]

Pat Dixon is great.

[@MrTruthBeTold51]

Pat Dixon is great and a must see. He also has a weekly show on Compound Media called The New York City Crime Report!

[@chrisk7626]

What did we learn from this red means stop redhead means run😂

[@Caveman2020]

That story was awesome tho

[@vannawhitesbabbydaddy9390]

Stay single my Brothers! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🤪😄

[@PeteTheecat]

Great comic Edit Omg 😂🤣 that shizz is funny man we all have that crazy ex

[@bingbongproductions5569]

He sounds like Smithers from the Simpsons

[@brianwexler9207]

He is smarmy

[@ezrafortner3690]

Delivery was fucking great.

[@dafnenavarro3598]

Fullfilling each others voids 💖

[@MainDrainStudios]

@1:11 to skip the weak intro

[@zekeleone4357]

dont read comment to skip sad main drain studios

[@MainDrainStudios]

read comments to see Zeke's comment about not reading the comment.

[@zekeleone4357]

weak

[@zekeleone4357]

@0.01 to watch intro

[@Jangmo88]

Intro is less obnoxious... still needs Ari.

[@ChippinFlint]

Mr. J These intros are fuckin hella obnoxious. Ari's were tolerable in the worst case scenario.

[@dillanparker128]

I bet you guys watch every intro on the internet after watching it once, and watch the intro every episode. Bravo. We see your opinion.

[@elzabig1]

Intro is trash and the guests seem like a lower caliber

[@zekeleone4357]

for what to say hello?

[@kennygwalk5328]

Mr. J fuck Ari

[@Adam-lc6mk]

I would love to see a new season where Ari and RWJ teamed up to host

[@KillaKalski]

Pat punched Geno….thank you Pat!!

[@adamhoppe1168]

Reminds me of this old proverb, cant remember all of it. But its about putting things in crazy.

[@Donkeykongington]

Pat looks and sounds like a Werewolf Detective. Aooooooooohhhhhh!!

[@nicolasduran7081]

this really transported me... good story.

[@UberLummox]

I felt like a councilor sitting here and he was unloading on me like it was therapy for him. Be well Pat Dixon!

[@Charlemagne360]

Is it just me, or is his tone of vocal tone/speech pattern similar to that of Jeff Goldblum?

[@elmospasco5558]

He was very lucky to have survived that relationship.

[@StumblethroughProductions]

*Ahh Interesting story! Uncensored always awesome!*

[@stumilty2002]

Stumble-through Productions c

[@trevorgunn3587]

He would make a great joke with that voice...... And the dark humor

[@Andy_Pancake]

"A lot of guys will bail after the first suicide attempt"

[@TheNormanmurk]

There are many crazy girls out there like that, far more than guys, and people think it's a joke but it's scary because these nut jobs get away with alot of it because most people have never seen real crazy and those people not believing him are what are really dangerous. There's too many people out there with their strong opinions and ZERO real life experience to back them up.

[@jernaumoratgurgeh8548]

Sebastian Maniscalco

[@charlesbarkley7012]

It’s not disgusting it’s DELICIOUS!!!

[@noshavenohaircuts]

Geez they may as well have brought out the long hook to pull him offstage haha seemed like he wasn't quite finished yet

[@elijaheriq7803]

Wow I went do something extremely similar to this story last summer wow thought I was the only one

[@davidely1764]

the longest walk off a pier of a joke ive ever heard.

[@TheNormanmurk]

That's called a love hate relationship. Very volatile and way not healthy.

[@sirsenior1861]

He looks like Bill Tench from Mindhunter!

[@scotthoover60]

This story is eerily familiar to me

[@Kate9067]

That poor woman needed help. Being desperate and suicidal isn’t something people do for fun. She needed therapy and meds and a safe place.

[@SunshineChokin]

I can relate to this guy on a somewhat personal level man, it's good.

[@wesleysmith5737]

6:35 Me: **raises hand**

[@ashkrikorian5753]

Where was the comedy part?

[@cirquedumushroom]

Sounds like 5 of my exes... i have a type

[@BandaidYT]

This never gets a good ending

[@funeralbillii9172]

"She said she's pregnant, how do I prove she's not?" Um, ever hear of a HOME PREGNANCY TEST?

[@aztro.99]

FUNERAL BILL II the way this bitch acted shed prob just refuse to take it lol

[@SuperFuzzyman123]

Can totally relate to this guy

[@JSuber-sf1uu]

is that James Roday @9:03 ?

[@Caveman2020]

I dont hate roy wood jr. but i want ari shaffir back as the host of this show. Comedy Central just got pissed that Ari chose netflix over them for his special so they took away his TV show. Bitch move if you ask me CC.

[@kingjellybean9795]

upuntil6 they can if the laces arent tied

[@petermcgill1559]

Most men have experience of at least one crazy bitch in our lives. We keep coming back for the sex, we rationalise that she isn't that crazy, it wasn't that bad, maybe she can change, fear of being alone, being with her is better than being alone. We each have to get to the point of realising it is better to be alone than to be with someone we dislike. Sometimes it takes a very, very long time to reach that. And a murder attempt.

[@IfckedBrian]

First video I've listened to and really didn't care for. Something about confidently talking about having an affair isn't necessarily hilarious to me

[@bobbymarm9978]

Good job Pat - represent. IHOP is good