Pat McGann Puts The Kids To Bed With Lies

Stand-up comedian Pat McGann says nothing puts his three little ones to sleep like a tall glass of dishonesty.
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The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

[@seamusbrennan4783]

Seen him live three times at the famous Zanie's in Chicago. He's always great. Good to see him reaching a national audience here! Keep it up, Pat!

[@jeffhowell5629]

I loved hearing Stephen laughing at the catholic school/science joke. Being the father of a 3 year old I thought his set was hilarious. Those little turds really do love their light switches.

[@ursaltydog]

He deserved a lot more claps than he received.. that was some good stuff..

[@ramsessevenone416]

People aren’t used to laughing at the late show with Stephen Colbert.

[@mihailtelematico660]

That was quite good.

[@deployedkitty]

Loved the accent. Loved the suit. Loved how he just threw his three kids under the bus, while it was completely obvious, that he loves the hell out of them. Good show.

[@cecilia7259]

It was not so obvious to me. I was waiting for him to get a nervous breakdown at some point from joking about being so tied up and burned out with the kids.

[@lizatanzawa7910]

Pat McGann, hilarious!!

[@Gabzpiano]

"maybe i should be bringing her to 'how to get dressed'" - funniest line for me

[@lumpy0100]

Thanks The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.:) "i get it. Some of you don't have kids. Just pay attention i'm from the future.":D

[@j.b.7133]

I don't need to relate 100% to understand how shit some jokes are. If your judging a comedian and their jokes on how much you relate to them, and someone writes jokes like this that are extremely universal, then I am sorry but your taste in comedy is surface level.

[@lumpy0100]

Thanks "Justin Boulanger".:)

[@m.c.5795]

That was great, and funny! Wholesome and relatable. 👏 I especially like his shimmying of his shoulders. Nicely done. 👍

[@anachavez2483]

“That’s science. I went to catholic school. No clue.” 🤣

[@mikemondano3624]

Strange. I went to a Catholic elementary school and was way ahead of my class when I went to a public high school. The Vatican strongly supports science and has research facilities in the Vatican, as well as some of the world's best scientists. The Catholics are guilty of enough without making up crimes.

[@stephenvincentgiles1306]

I drives me crazy that people don't understand how much Catholics have done and are doing for science. You know things like, creating the study of genetics, telling the world that the earth revolves around the sun, and coming up with the Big Bang Theory (which was originally rejected by scientists who were atheists because it suggested that the universe came from nothing). When Catholic haters say things like this, I just try to remind myself... they must be REALLY ignorant of reality and if so, then I should feel sorry for them, instead of feeling insulted by them. Nice set up, hack punchline.

[@elizabethtrainer9732]

Watch for this guy in the future...he's good. Good jokes, good timing, good delivery, just enough authentic bitterness.

[@bige.3474]

I spent an hour listening to him in the car. So hilarious, I had to look him up.

[@sophielaurenti8846]

I liked him. No vulgar jokes. All relatable if you have a family.

[@ProjectFlashlight612]

Yes, those very words were said many many times about the standup material of one Dr William Cosby. And he ended up being the paragon of virtue, did he not, unlike that foul-mouthed hellion Richard Pryor.

[@AlmostaFlipinSkater]

Even Bill Burr can do a vulgar-free bit on CBS, as shown on Letterman. I guarantee you he'd have said shit instead of crap at an actual comedy club.

[@mikemondano3624]

You will turn your kids into cripples with your attitude of superiority over what is "vulgar" and censoring of their experiences.

[@TheBankruptSoul]

Like Jim Gaffigan.

[@JPMJPM]

I thoroughly enjoyed that! Wow!

[@paulap6592]

Thanks for the laughs. This was great!!

[@ErykaSoleil]

I've got three small kids myself (although not so close together in age), and I laughed so hard I cried a bit. Definitely showing this one to my husband later!

[@NewMessage]

Childhood is all about lies. Growing up is about learning why we do it.

[@sariyanta]

I always enjoy reading your comment on, well, all of youtube.

[@forrestl5597]

He makes some actual valid points. Teach a kid to SWEEP. Teach a kid to DRESS THEMSELVES or LISTEN before bombarding them activities that prevent them both from doing drugs and also THINKING.

[@NA-ck6cz]

New Message I only come here for your comments

[@NewMessage]

No pressure, eh? * gulps *

[@mikemondano3624]

Are you really that ignorant? Some kids I know have never lied in the time I've known them. I don't think they even know what it means. In order to lie, you need to know the truth and then deliberately try to mislead. Any adult who lies to children should be waterboarded.

[@Timbone07]

Very good I like how he shakes too haha

[@Games_and_Music]

Yeah his body has a residual wobble whenever he stands still after moving. It's almost like he is trying to mentally drive the punchline into our heads.

[@ruby4751]

Yeah its attitude lol

[@baddmanaz]

Totally about his kids - from start to finish! WOW!!!

[@davidfoster5561]

Dude. He was fuckin funny.

[@jennyferNumberone]

Funny! Great job Pat!!! 😃👍😃

[@John-nk2py]

Lmao this was funny

[@ZeeshanMuhammadX]

Some really good jokes in there. Made me chuckle when he said "I waited a while ... twice!" My only hope is he refines this routine and doesn't make it all about his kids. He clearly has confidence and can keep a room focused. Good work Pat! You're going to go a long way my dude! :)

[@SupermanBlack1987]

he got a handicap being one the network performing. He can't bring the good stuff out on this show.

[@stoshu9584]

Zeeshan Muhammad Thumbs up twice for the profile pic.

[@AlmostaFlipinSkater]

It's called a bit. This bit is about his kids. There are multiple bits in a stand-up routine, but he was only given 5 minutes hence he did a bit about his kids. I'm sure he has more material.

[@beseburany9110]

lol this zeeshan guy thinks hes qualified

[@misstaniataylor]

Wife: *what were you doing in your 20's?* Pat: *suspeciously* nothing....looking for u.....

[@infidel900rr]

Great parent material here. You can feel the resentment! Ha

[@kufan281]

Always so funny! Now you need an hour special so everyone can see your whole set. 😂😂 great job Pat

[@ngedye]

Best observational parenting evah!! 5 Stars :D

[@ngedye]

PS. He should come here to Amsterdam... lots of young English speaking parents here needing a fix :D

[@rxcomedyLOL]

Best thing about Pat is that his a nice guy too

[@nassimsabba8922]

Cross between Newman & Dangerfield. Seriously funny.

[@yecefer85]

Yes!! Love him!!

[@lizlorraine463]

This guy is great!

[@hryo12]

so true..hillarious!

[@mirchi83]

This guy is funny. Loved it.

[@Jackie-cw3yw]

LOL! I loved "I was looking for you...in Mexico one weekend" & "a couple whiles" the most!

[@manowar5516]

Good comedy!!!

[@ikechukwuiweha1296]

Loved that last joke, very true

[@jenniferwilson6977]

When I start paying attention, she's close!👏👏😀

[@alexishartig8933]

Its nice hearing something thats not so infused with political rhetoric. thumbs up and a smile from me!

[@dgavia3248]

Catholic Elementary School '76... science was handouts and worksheets. He ain't tellin' lies 😂

[@mcc8041]

Woo hoo...that's my neighbor!! Sooo funny:)

[@nickmoon4933]

Simple yet sensible.. I like it!

[@raj.dabholkar]

One of the first comedians on LSSC that I liked!

[@andrewjrivers]

Pat McGann is hilarious.

[@chipmunk6278]

😂😂😂

[@looknow5397]

Kids stuff takes me back to when my kids were small...teenagers now and as long as I keep the Wi-Fi going and fridge stocked I'm free!

[@Winteramen]

That ass wipe joke was funny...and mathematically correct

[@6hughmungus9]

Very well done for a 5 minute bit in the middle of a show.

[@lydiahkanyoro90]

Why has this cracked me up so much? HAHAHA. I don't even like stand up but I'm so tickled.

[@thescaledraven5482]

Wow, was this crowd awake? Pat was killing it and I heard a lot of crickets.

[@NancyRemling]

We should cancel some stuff. 🤣🤣🤣

[@dayurification]

Haha, that was great 🤣

[@AnnaElizabethI]

Finally a comedian

[@lazyperfectionist1]

"You gotta wake up and cry about broccoli." I've never understood the objection to broccoli. I've always liked it. I would not by any means call it my _favorite_ food (because _no one's_ favorite food is a vegetable) but as far as vegetables go, it's not too bad.

[@carriemitch1]

I don't even have children and I laughed all the way through this. Well done!

[@realzubidoo]

was surprisingly good. Reminds me of louis ck

[@1operamom]

If you have kids this is hilarious!

[@kjtaseen]

here for that science joke

[@SeanTube2099]

He was exceptional

[@paulsingh1606]

Saw him open for Sebastian Maniscalco - he was great!

[@saultube44]

"I'm going to stay here for a couple of whiles..." well he should put her into comedy school, witty and hilarious xD

[@lazyperfectionist1]

Yeah. I've also never understood the mentality behind over-scheduling. Isn't the whole point with kids to put them through a multitude of different activities (one at a time) so they can get a taste of different experiences and determine what they like? You don't accomplish this by dumping it on them all at _once._ Take the _first_ interest they express and put them in _that._ If they like it, leave 'em in it, _alone._ If they don't, move 'em to _another_ interest. But this is supposed to be kept to a _healthy_ limit. Where does this notion come from that the kid has to be too busy to think?

[@debbiegross3136]

That was EXCELLENT!

[@divadoll606]

I really chuckled during his entire routine. Good job.

[@jordanmapfumo9359]

Fantastic!!

[@ariajaydesalt]

That was really funny!

[@reneecarreno9424]

Hilarious 😂

[@JocelynChia]

omg i love this guy

[@ellenorchid01]

Great stuff

[@Zak_How]

This was funny, good stuff, nothing but smiles

[@anuraagsusarla5904]

A good act with fun filled jokes

[@renatacantoregross6283]

That was a good collection of original jokes.

[@nicksaputo7104]

This is my life everyday lol

[@StephenAlexWalker]

Funny set 😂

[@scooterboy3676]

Really funny dude. Excellent.

[@ironempath7261]

Funny guy. Remember that name: Pat McGann.

[@TonyVisciardi]

Reading Sebastian Maniscalco's book. He wrote Pat was his opening act. Glad I looked it up. This dude is jokes.

[@NiecieSavo]

Accurate and hilarious

[@sergiogreco4484]

great stuff.

[@michelleitzhayana8163]

This was funny af

[@ortizlzitro]

Dude is hilarious!!

[@notsure1969]

Pretty funny. Great delivery.

[@dappleben7223]

When I was scrolling through the thumbnails I thought his name was Pat Mcgroin! 😂

[@fancycanuck]

😂

[@versatilethearcane]

Is it just me or do his mannerisms remind you of George w bush? Lol

[@virginiaholliday6952]

I think he's terrific!

[@MewcePewpz]

Great set, i like his voice, his delivery and transitions were all smooth

[@marieldavison5121]

i like his style

[@live4more22]

Hilarious.

[@tasneemara6668]

Omg. He is hilarious. Please call him back again

[@dragoncurveenthusiast]

maybe I should go to the bar more often... at noon.

[@CKBrooke]

Hahahaha

[@marianocaruso9678]

Thus guy should have a TV show

[@NKA23]

That was quite good....for starters. I´d like to see more from this guy.

[@Deanwalsh1]

Very funny

[@kgonza1220]

Haha. Big day tomorrow

[@arlingtonguy54]

Great routine.

[@raymondwilson293]

he was great:)

[@vo6857]

Ahahaha

[@AbdulWahab-nq6qt]

damn this guy is good

[@abrahamh6106]

This guy is good. I like him.

[@Caroline1261]

You're really funny!