Couples Therapy Role-Play. Narcissism? - CLINICAL ANALYSIS

[@ratzwilson6101]

As someone who is autistic. These roll plays help me decipher healthy relationships. Thank you so much for this!

[@ihearthendo]

They certainly do help. I may not be Autistic however the vast majority of my life I have found myself surrounded by or in unhealthy relationships. Being abused mentally, emotionally and even physically was the norm for me up until recently. I hope whatever it is you may be going through right now that life brings you peace to your mind and freedom in your heart someday soon.

[@jojotheoj]

Oh that’s interesting to know that you benefit from this too. My trauma resulted in my incorrectly mapping the expressions of others to what they mean emotionally. I had to learn about emotions from scratch, by doing Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT). I wonder if DBT would help someone on the spectrum too. It’s essentially a class on “appropriate” emotional responses - how to recognize them and how to have them, in the sense that you’re taught to “tune” into the event in a mindful way so you respond intentionally instead of reacting automatically. I think it’s very helpful to anyone who struggles with interpersonal interactions, although it’s labeled as being specifically for people with BPD. I don’t have BPD either, btw. Look into it, friend.

[@tangent94]

@@jojotheoj i imagine it might be, but it'd have to be through somebody very experienced with ASD. There's this idea I've seen in some spaces that a lot of the social/behavioral issues in ASD stem from, or are exacerbated by, the chaotic emotional feedback you get when surrounded by people who fundamentally misunderstand how you perceive and interpret information.

[@samanthac4252]

@@jojotheoj there is actually a specific type of DBT that’s very effective for those of us on the spectrum - radically open DBT :)

[@caffeinejones3513]

I'm so impressed by the way you play all the roles and edit it together!

[@guidedbysunshine333]

Totally agree. Such brilliance!

[@meanerrweinerr]

Lmao he should do his own movie. Good Patrick Hunting

[@sebastian_goat]

This is the best channel I have EVER found for showing what a therapy session looks like and what thoughts are going through the therapist’s head, this is SO helpful to me as a learning psych student

[@whyohwhy9679]

This type of therapy would have been so helpful with me and my ex-husband. We both had childhood trauma baggage but loved each other very much. When we divorced, I of course wanted to blame him (and vice versa) but I knew I had a part, I just couldn't figure out what it was. Watching these couples videos helped me see my own stuff so at least now I can move on and hopefully have a better relationship next time.

[@siiiriously3226]

this is one of the best channels i´ve found so far about childhood trauma and reparenting. the soft empathetic way you speak is so soothing and modelling self empathy for me!

[@mopey1797]

The tunnel vision when Jim is yelling is so accurate. I could never understand what was going on with me when someone yells at me until I saw this video. Thanks so much for making this. It has helped given me self awareness to the issue.

[@TLM443]

I am SO grateful for your videos! They are AMAZING. These "live" examples are so helpful. I watch your videos and think, "Oooooooooh. So THAT is what unhealthy versus healthy looks and feels like." Your videos have me so much in being supportive of the people I love - because I really want to be, but sometimes don't know how. Your videos are such a great tool for learning how to love the way I truly want to.

[@marren6323]

Thank you Patrick. This is so great! My husband and I are coming off of a painful blowup and just watching it has helped create a bridge toward repair. We are both big fans of yours and appreciative of your videos!

[@AppleTY2015]

Patrick. I am Blown away. This content is game changing. Thank you SO much. If only we were all taught these skills and shown such insight. What a different world we would live in. 💘

[@miralha1998]

Thank you for all of your work! I appreciate having this information so accessible

[@romanhrobot9347]

This is good on so many levels from the well thought out script, through acting, to editing. Shows you some "in between the lines" kind of knowledge that is so hard to convey through books or lectures. It also seems like a good tool to improve self analysis and in turn self control, seeing some of those emotional states, (even just acted) while being unaffected by raging neurohormones (in other words calm :)) makes one see things that he omits in live circumstances.

[@edgreen8140]

Nice way of taking control of the session, a lot of therapists who don't do marital a lot marital work don't stop abusive assaults toward the other partner

[@anner.413]

You are not only a therapist but also empower the rest of us to understand the thoughts of a therapist. I think you are a great person, thank you very much. 😊

[@nazcarcup]

You're awesome. The role play videos are so well put together.

[@elizabethlebaron9545]

Can you do more videos on coping with the dissociation habit from trauma? Great video!

[@suzetteospi]

Thank you very much for this analysis! I found it very enlightening, supportive, and helpful. I always learn a lot from you but this video is even more illuminative than the others. It gave me a lot of good ideas about how to deal with my own problems.

[@janicelowphysiotherapy]

All these role plays and examples are so so helpful. Thank u!

[@regiz5358]

So grateful for your videos! It’s so helpful specially for someone that English isn’t the first language! Thank you so much 😊

[@Gwen13061]

This was excellent in all ways.

[@1lisalopez]

I wish there weren’t so many commercials. Thank you 🙏

[@annt7384]

This video is amazing, but I now realize I can’t watch it with my dog in the same room because the voices are upsetting her. She also had a hard time when we were at friends watching a presidential debate, and wasn’t comfortable with our own debate of the debate, poor girl. I grew up with rage, mostly from a brother who used his voice like a weapon, so my dog being unaccustomed to yelling and negative emotion means that my house is a quiet house. It’s also very lonely, so I think it’s time I looked at my own stonewalling techniques by not even entering into a conflict.

[@suesullivan-miller887]

EXCELLENT!!! For me, this is Very very helpfull!👍👍👌

[@dubjohnston]

Hi Patrick. I LOVE these role plays and clinical analysis. Would love more on BPD. On a side note, when you talk about Trauma Survivor, are you talking about the personality disordered individual? ps: im only 2:15min into this video.

[@oompaloompa9139]

How do you get 3 of you in a room??

[@jacinthahoward1786]

Patrick, ur vidoes are so extremely helpful & amazing!! & ur acting with all the different ppl is so good that i can relate to & understand each characters POV & I 4get im watching the same person portraying all of them!! 😀😄 I have an important question plz.... what if the more passive partner, such as Brian here, is really being dishonest abt money & many other things compulsively?? Wat to do about that, & how wld that play out differently?? I ask bc of my difficult situation.....& In this portayal it was only Jims fear & projection that his partner Brian was....but in my case, I was more the Jim in the situation, & my partner was the Brian.....but he really is very compulsively dishonest & quite unwilling about so many things, & wouldnt do therapy with me so i had to do it without him & he got even worse after that an we are broke up now but still have to be involved bc of finances & hes still being very passive aggresive an dishonest an unwilling an shuts down, silet treatment etc.....makes me wonder if its covert NPD or just trama trigger like on here?? Idk wat to do/how to resolve things at this point & have no choice atm but to still be involved with him financially due me being chronically ill/disabled, so i was wondering wat cld ne done in that kind of situation.....& how sumthing like that would play out differently?? Btw, thx so much in a previous video for mentioning Dr.Margret Paul....her free online Inner Bonding program basically saved my life & changed me for the better & it was the only form of therapy i cld do, due to lack of resources & freedom in my situation, so that's awesome that u mentioned her book. Thx for all u do, ur amazing! ❣🤗

[@glitterglueblood]

hey patrick! i have a question, if there's a danger about making it about morality - how come there's still people you want out of your life? for example, your video about 4 people to avoid. -people who need to do conflict with you publicly, but not in private. -someone who has zero ownership and likes to re-write history -someone who does not know how they affect others -someone who it's never good enough for, they always have a new problem with you about what you do/dont do for them aren't these people also often triggered? what differentiates keeping someone and leaving someone?

[@airaavor7884]

I still don't understand: When Jim yells at Brian and accuses him, Brian should consider it as a normal conversation? What exactly Brian should do? Act as Jim was speaking in a normal intensity? I love this role-playing video, but can anybody explain me this? When there is no normal question but immediately yelling and accusing?

[@barbaragremaud3499]

Thank you, again - so helpful!

[@regiz5358]

False idea that he is giving up power is a coping mechanism! Hateful way! I deal with that and it is so covertly done!!!!

[@Tina-je8vl]

I realized that Im Brian with my last relationship 😅

[@lolitagiovanni405]

I am both Brian and Jim. This video made me cry. I can see some of Jim in my ex and I just want to go tell him I am sorry for doing that to him.

[@heythere8318]

i hope this isn’t disrespectful, but what happened to the genogram videos? i used to love those and watch them a lot.

[@jazzalterio692]

This is my mom in every relationship after my dad

[@jojotheoj]

Is it possible that her relationship with your dad fit into her pattern too?

[@jazzalterio692]

Oh, yeah, she abused him a lot. 10 year relationship, wouldn't let me see him after the divorce, told me he abandoned me, that he used to beat her. Currently she won't let my sister see him either. I'm 20 years old and it took me those 10 years to realize she was lying and escape. I just didn't really witness the problems she had with my dad. I don't remember them as much as I remember her later relationships.

[@amandachilds5290]

Could you do another but the thing they argue about is always ONLY when the one does intentionally deceive and lie to cover up types of cheating? It seems like getting yelled at for cheating, hiding money, giving an STD, threatening people with guns, and endangering your kids all for cheating IS a valid emotional expression yet our counselor refused to say much of anything and let the cheater just take a survey when he refused to cooperate after the cheating became the discussion instead of my anger about his cheating, which is why he agreed to attend. Also I called out the BIG LIE that we "fought" before the cheating as it was a red- herring, since we rarely ever did over anything other than him not helping with the children while I had the flu and knee surgery or him keeping me up very late when I was exhausted but battling insomnia (baby who was always sick and my owther health issues) despite my asking him to. Getting eyes rolled at and silent treatment because of minor money issues is not exactly the same as "so I cheated, it was probably because I am sick of you being depressed (no exhausted, but hey now I depressed and overwhelmed since you blew up our whole life) and new medicine interfering with my ability to "hear God", so just get over it like I did, or I will divorce you (and destroy you I say only when we are alone), but pretend I am awesome guy and cry for the counselor and beg her to tell you to take money to my mistress I promised her since you all (evil counselor and wife and mom) said I could not see or talk to her again!" True story and counselor actually said she could see he had a good heart to which I said no, "he just is hedging his bets in case we do not work out" but thanks for that invalidating statement so I can end individual therapy with you since you are naive and he refuses to come back again anyhow...I would love to see how it should have gone down with a real counselor and not someone who sat silently and gave nearly NO feedback or instruction other than what I mentioned and tried to act impartial though one of us was an actual victim and the other an abuser who used my kids as bait and assaulted me physically, verbally and psychologically in front of strangers, our kids and family, to which no one seemed to ever care so why keep telling them. I felt like I was living in a world of self absorbed, blind robots and only outsiders all saw it clearly.

[@thetruehustler1365]

Sooo do you wanna complain or do you wanna have a shot at happiness. Sometimes we need things black and white, so here it is. He does not respect you. He does not love you (not healthy love - could be a toxic, warped, chaotic version) if a friend came to you and said “my husband gave me an STD, hides money, cheats, threatens people with guns and endangers my kids” what would you tell them to do? You’re destroying your children’s lives with your inability to be a healthy adult. I say all this with love. Pray bout it, but don’t allow anyone to treat you this way.

[@amandachilds5290]

@@thetruehustler1365 the point I was making was that you and other strangers got it right but how did the counselors, family and friends NOT say those things? At the time, had I watched this video I would have identified with Jim because people were acting like I was a rager after letting little get to me for decades, but I finally said no this IS a big deal and he got to sulk and clam up and say see her anger, this is why I did not admit to the cheating because I did not want to be berated, but it was a deflection because I already knew he had/ was, just did not have all the proof for a bit. That is the story I hear over and over how abused women are made to feel like they are half or all of the problem and go seek professional help that makes it all worse. The counselors get played by the cluster Bs and add to the trauma so I really would like this counselor, who is excellent, to show something to help the sincere person trying to fix the unfixable how to see the truth and not keep trying techniques not meant for them which keeps them frustrated because they are too deep into denial and too optimistic or empathetic for their own good. That is why I gave a very specific story but many of those things trickled out over time and with a heavy dose of gaslighting so as to not seem as clear cut as my spot on 20/20 summed up version. There was a whole lot of him being the victim and the mistress being an unstable blackmailer who faked a pregnancy, which actually turned out to be accurate. It was hard to understand both could be predators and before all that my life was so very vanilla that it all seemed like a preposterous nightmare or colossal misunderstanding because it was unreal compared to 39 years of life before that and contradicted everything I thought I knew and believed as a Christian married to a shy guy I met at church. Oh, we are not together, but there are people watching these types of videos right now in similar situations who are not seeing the situation clearly and thinking they can use these techniques when a different video might show them the hard black and white truth they really need. ❤

[@thetruehustler1365]

@@amandachilds5290 WHEW girl I’m so happy to hear that. I know you didn’t come out unscathed (it’s impossible not to) but I am so happy you’re free 🥰 I know that message might’ve seemed harsh but I just had to lay it out. Sometimes people try to sugarcoat and smooth things over to fluff it up and make it sound nice but in these literal life or death situations, you cannot afford to do that. You just cant

[@amandachilds5290]

@@thetruehustler1365 👍❤

[@jennifermoore4246]

Wow. Wow. Wow.

[@davidcoxinparis]

Wow! Personally as a gay viewer, I was blown away by this role-play of a same-sex couple with children. Here they are, each one dealing with his own inner child as well as with his husband's inner child. A rarity! Thanks so much!

[@carmelhughesparolya899]

Thanks so much Patrick, almost exactly like what happens between my husband and I , me being the one who shuts down and my husband bring the one who loses his temper completely, we are both being triggered and projecting, my gosh these inner children of ours have to relearn an awful lot X ❤️

[@helenk4951]

I'm really pleased you warned us some where at the beginning that it might be difficult to watch cos it goes very close to home. For me it opened up more than it resolved. Great that you're doing this work Patrick, thank you.

[@Katmac1402]

This reminds me exactly of my soon to be ex husband and I. If one of the many therapists my husband and I had gone to worked with us in this way we would probably still be together. We loved each other and tried hard for 31 years and 6 therapists. We both came from trauma backgrounds.

[@anavik6214]

I wish you all the best and hope you're doing well now.

[@whyohwhy9679]

Same with me. We both had childhood trauma baggage but loved each other very much. When we divorced, I of course wanted to blame him (and vice versa) but I knew I had a part, I just couldn't figure out what it was. Watching these couples videos helped me see my own stuff so at least now I can move on and hopefully have a better relationship next time.

[@Anna81WA]

I wish I would have had a great therapist like you when I was still married and maybe it could have worked out! My ex refused to validate my traumatic childhood or hold my abusive family members accountable so there was no validation there and I was constantly triggered from old wounds and projecting my pain and hurt all around me. Great job playing all parts as well! ✨

[@Keleia4Jesus]

I hear you Anna. Me too. I cannot change the past but I can change my future. I want to be healthy and that may be that I'll be alone without a life partner because I don't want to injure anyone in projecting my trauma onto someone. I've always wanted to be able to cherish and love someone and have them love me and cherish me as well. It always gets messed up and unable to be fixed. Although I stayed for over 33 years this last time...

[@slash1dot1dash]

I always like the analysis because I will get most of the details from the first viewing but then pick up stuff I missed in the second viewing :) thank you so much for these videos!

[@Nicole-qh8cs]

This made me cry.😢 Great stuff. Thank u for this Patrick.❤ Suddenly I no longer feel hopeless. Going show my husband of 18 years. Let the healing through work begin.

[@lauraherbivora7344]

Thank you so much for your videos, I really enjoy watching them. They are both entertaining and informative and raise my awareness of how my childhood affects my today's behaviour. I like your calm style and non-violent communication. And btw just want to add that I'm really delighted of seeing here a same-sex marriage being represented so naturally

[@nayaleezy]

Nice, I don't know how you got the budget for Stephen Spielberg, but it's really great story writing. The realism gets me everytime.

[@matt-audio]

Patrick, incredible video. I can't believe how easily I forget I'm watching three of you. The acting is great. I watched your previous video about the 123 method with your mentor and have studied the worksheet, but this video really made it click for me. I could see the initial tension and subsequent release after the couple went through this exercise. I have studied Non-Violent Communication but it is missing this powerful inner-child piece that so often gets triggered in intimate relationships. Thanks for doing this work.

[@colletthumanservices]

I love the style of teaching tool!!

[@justarandomdude.9285]

this content is so useful! thanks

[@mayahardnett7757]

Thankyou so much for this video I can see this took time and I appreciate the hard work you do for us. I learned something here and I now can think about myself and the people around me a little bit better.I listen to your videos often. If you have time could you do a role play of someone dissociating in the work place. I often get in situations like this.I shutdown when a person doesn’t talk to me directly but complains about my work to other people. My managers say I do a great job and have strong work ethic. But somehow there may be a coworker that doesn’t and I am to blame for various reasons.I find it hard to confront people who complain to a person about me but not to me. But close enough for me to hear. I just continue working and they leave me alone and I feel safe again. I have a feeling I’m not dealing with the situation correctly I want to confront this person about their behavior but not clear about what to say sometimes.

[@mayahardnett7757]

I understand that I have a role I play in this dynamic I would like to understand my part better.

[@tylermariemcc]

You put a lot of work into this - thank you 🙏🏾

[@ChengVincentckf]

After watching your interview with Amanda, I've always want to know how to do 123, this video helps a lot. Thanks you!

[@wiebkeb9174]

This is just great on so many levels! Tanks you for the heart and work you've put into it! (and for the queerness!) But I can not read comments of some people still not getting it - that's too triggering for me (feeling powerless) 😂

[@marggil.torresalvillar2766]

So nice and educational. Thank you so much!

[@PamMacKay-l9l]

Wow! Their childhood experiences are almost just like my husband’s & mine. Im the fawn/freeze response and he’s the fight/lawyer response. I’ve learned how to stand up for myself and he does usually listen & shift his behaviour. The problem is, our children have become the recipient of the angry rages and when I’ve tried to stand up for them, he just gets worse and I may as well be invisible. I don’t know what to do about that. We can’t even talk about it days/weeks/years later without the anger & hurtful language starting again.

[@johnygjooon6967]

I miss so much your role plays, hope you do some more one day 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@shellygrinar-boyd4872]

how bad do we wish he was our therapist?

[@fireupyourheartfortruth]

❤️💔❤️

[@Keleia4Jesus]

Very insightful. This time playing really helps me see the parts of myself that I want to be able to change forever, so that going forward I can be a much better communicator and not project childhood drama on the other person. I want to take full responsibility and accountability for my own actions and words. This is very helpful to me. Thank you.

[@frannybkranny8760]

Great video as always. Question: @ 13:39 why do you say "probably not a narcissist" about Brian's mom? She totally sounds like she fits the bill. Thanks!

[@siand4504]

I think he's saying that with reference to Jim.

[@frannybkranny8760]

@@siand4504 yeah, I wasn't sure if he meant Brian's mom or Jim. But if Brian's mom...sounds like a narc to me!

[@georgeeliot1256]

Yes, of Jim, based on Jim’s contrition and continued connection through compassion. At this point the cookie could have crumbled very differently with Jim amassing reasons for why Brian is to blame and a specific basis for judging or shaming him.

[@MargaretDeRossetGordon]

What the man on the left (I think The one more associated with overt narcissism…) is EXACTLY what my dad did to me in family therapy (this was over ten years ago…) he totally Shame slimed me using words that he knew would trigger me. I was over it by then. I was 22 … the majority of the abuse had happened when I was a child. I had been physically, emotionally, verbally abused by him … and looking back on it now I can see that my mother sent me away at 14 to try to protect me from him … they were wealthy and could hide behind sending me to boarding school and university that were faraway … and paying for multiple homes … I don’t talk to either of them. Their abuse is still too corrosive though I’m 35. Heartbreaking.

[@MargaretDeRossetGordon]

When I say over it … that’s not what I really meant. I’ll never truly get over the way that he abused me when I was just an innocent little girl looking to love and connect with her father. I will always carry the scar. And thank you Patrick! Your content is truly life changing. What I meant to say was … really by the time I was 12 … I could see through my father and I knew that he would never change. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[@MargaretDeRossetGordon]

And in the family therapy session I was in - the therapist actually scapegoated me - when my father triggered me going on about his disappointment and embarrassment of me … I got upset and then the therapist made out that I was the one in the wrong and needed to validate what a bad person I am in order to make my father feel good. It’s like therapist … that’s what I did my whole childhood … I ain’t doing that anymore. Why would a therapist parentify a child in family therapy?

[@andyandroid2155]

This scene is exactly how our marriage therapy session were. Changed therapist twice, talked to 4 different priests for consul. My husband has short patience, and whenever he starts to tell or scream, my brain shut down and I can't think, and he would yell louder because I stay silent. I don't know what to do anymore. The Priest gave us daily schedule so it's more organized but it only last for a week.

[@SKINxChina]

Awesome video. Thank you for the great examples.

[@christinababin7020]

I have never seen the role play but man its great!!!

[@PlanetMacsRadio]

You are beyond amazing

[@josephm50]

Loving the videos!

[@sweetb2750]

My now ex and I were in this sort of dynamic except he was going into thousands of dollars of debt behind my back, even broke the agreement to not get any more criedit cards when he already had 10 and it just really made me mad because I always felt like I was standing on the outside and unheard. He then start to use his bad childhood as an excuse for me not being upset when he took out another loan and that I should now shoulder all of the bills and our life so he can pay off his loans and debts he believed he didn’t need to talk to me about because it was “his business” and why he verbally and emotionally abused me before I even begin to react in the high volume way like Jim. I wish our therapy session went like this, but it just made him feel more entitled to be controlling because he was hurt and traumatized as a kid and then left and said I was an abuser. It all felt like a game to him that he just needed to win when really I just wanted us to work together.

[@MollieFrieWeevilGenius]

It doesn't sound like he wanted to change. I used to have a roommate like that. I had to realize that I was the only one trying to compromise and work things out. It's doomed if both people aren't willing to work together