The 1-2-3 Process with Amanda Curtin LICSW - Intimacy & Trauma Work

[@houseplantnerd2872]

I had no clue how to approach the situation but I knew I wouldn't survive it. So I chose to confront my mother. As I had anticipated for 30 years, it went hostile right away. Yelling, screaming. Her mad at me because I'm in tears and heartbroken. It ended with her saying, " You're a liar! You're crazy! And if that's how you feel then leave!" It'll be 7 years. I'm now estranged from my entire family because everyone took her side. I confronted my abuser. I then became liberated from her per her own demands. Now I'm working on my freedom to exist, have emotions, need support, seeking love, validation, acceptance. And someone to tell me I'm not crazy and I'm not a liar and I don't have to be an abused, middle aged person. Liberated from my mother. Liberated. How poignant a single word can be.

[@briansnow2001]

Same. Confronted my fam and they scapegoated me. Liberation is a process....

[@enlightndark6671]

"NONE OF THE CPTSD RESPONSE STATES ARE HEALTHY, YOU CANT FREEZE/FLIGHT/FAWN/FIGHT IN A HEALTHY WAY, YOU MUST PROTECT YOURSELF FIRST & FOREMOST"-RICHARD GRANNON. We can RECLAIM the fragmented parts of our LOST CHILD BRAIN that DRIVE US AS ADULTS TO BLINDLY & ADDICTIVELY ACT OUT OUR CHILDHOOD TRAUMA & BECOME WHOLE AGAIN by WORKING ON OUR OWN SELF-CARE & BOUNDARIES IN A SAFE SOBER ENVIRONMENT! And that often means that we have to give up our family because it is so toxic. When faced with either self-destructing inside the family or leaving, many people stay. But despite the pain of losing our family, standing up for ourselves alone in the world is incredibly powerful. Throwing off the weight of social oppression is like trying to breathe water without realizing we are a fish, it hurts, but eventually we realize we are free to swim in the entire sea. And it sends a message to others, that they can leave abuse as well. And I am so grateful to all those that taught me it that being alone is far more loving than submitting to abuse. Just so you know, there is a huge movement of younger people rebelling against their toxic abusive families. And I believe it is because people like us left first. We are a spark that started a fire against bullies. And it is always tougher for the first ones that protest abuse. But remember that you are standing up for all of us too. Whenever I feel alone, I always think of all the others who are with me in the world! We are with you in a new world that stands up against all forms of abuse! We stand up for love. ALL CHILDREN deserve to be LOVED & that is what we fight for, for ourselves & the future of everyone!

[@JonDD89]

Parents have a need to feel righteous, like they did all these amazing things to support and sacrificed so much from birth to adulthood. It's difficult for them to understand that while they provided some basic resources they could also have caused a lot of trauma. I'm trying to figure out how to confront my parents about the forced use of "I love you" after being beaten for sinning. My dad is a minister. Adhd and autism were viewed as demonic spirits of rebellion that must be physically beaten out of a child. After, we were commanded to say "I love you" or risk another 15 hits for disobedience. (They had a number a hits with the paddle based on how bad the sin was in their mind. Disobedience being one of the worst. Multiple sins? Tally them up.) I don't know if you or I will ever have closure. I doubt saying anything to my parents will be well received. But we can take steps to understand why we feel what we feel and create new beliefs which when fully ingrained in our subconscious lead to healthier attachments and hopefully some level of happiness. Also, you don't have to forgive your mother. You don't even have to like her. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. Emotional blackmailing and gaslighting from your own family further deepens your core wounds. Find a group of people, or just one, you can be truly authentic around. It's difficult to trust that you'll not be betrayed eventually, but it does help some. My closest friend is the one who helped me realize not everyone is awful. Maybe others won't be abusive, too. Maybe. Still working on my core wounds. Good luck. You're worth the effort you have put into healing. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you and your story has encouraged me to keep working on myself. Thank you.

[@ЮлияГуторова-и4ъ]

Thank you guys, you and Amanda are so amazing and deep and nice! ❤

[@gracelee79]

This video is great, but I'm divorced and when I was married to my narcissistic husband who had no respect for me or our relationship, just kept blaming me for all our problems. The 1 2 3 does not work with a partner like that. Also he had no ability to look inward so when I would ask "where did that [rage out/anger out burst] come from?" He would blame me. So I think there should be a disclaimer somewhere that says this won't work for people in narcissistic relationships, and a lot of folks who have childhood trauma are also in relationships with these kinds of toxic unhealthy people

[@DonTwanX]

Super important to note! As a codependent, I’ve tried to communicate with narcissists and just get shut down and leave feeling more triggered and more guilty. Spare your body from having all that stress. Do the empty chair method.

[@nataliaturner4845]

The one I'm with has recently been pretending to want therapy. He knows the issues in my family of origin, and he put on a heck of a Mr. Nice Guy show recently when some of them were in town for summer vacation. He is extremely charismatic & charming, and I think he is feeling confident that if he can fool my side of the family, he can fool a therapist, too, with his charm + "insight" into my family of origin issues (ie, whatever narrative he's zeroed in on that he thinks will suffice to lay all the blame on me). So something like this would actually be perfect lol. It would utterly disarm & expose him. But when I think about how he would react to that, I would rather not do it after all (his mother ticks pretty much all boxes for overt narc & he says when he was a kid, they only went to 2 or 3 family therapy sessions, bc the therapist recognized right away that she was the source of most of their issues, & she immediately quit). I'm here mainly for me & my son, and my sisters + mom. These are the people who are worth it to me (not the guy who is just desperate to hang on to the free maid & caretaker).

[@melliecrann-gaoth4789]

Grace Lee. Thank you this is a hugely important point.

[@castingmynetforChrist]

Amen! And they won't take responsibility at all.

[@politereminder6284]

True. Most couples therapy tools don't work for couples where abuse is present.

[@turkituck]

Wow! Amazed that my partner & I have been doing a version of this process for years! We get as far as figuring out why we each got triggered, so glad to have professional help in the follow-up!

[@LilachLavy]

Amazing, simple tool... Thank you!!

[@grapeypear4558]

So glad I found your channel, thank you very much for your work

[@sherrytaylor3738]

Me too!

[@Yamdan7]

Im a 26 years old, i also had a childhood trauma, I've never even been in a relationship, and sadly I'm not sure that i want to or cut oit for that, , but i still find it interesting, and a genius way for self devlopment and building intimacy, thank you... I wish that i lived in Massachusetts so that i could participate in your groups. Sometimes regular therapy seems tome like it has some invisable glass ceiling for healing...

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I don't want to be opposed to/ unable to have a relationship but I'm not sure that it's as important as society believes it is to be in a relationship. It's seen as some great sadness if you're single for a long time, but I don't think I would have had the awarenesses I've had come to me, or learnt to silence my critical inner voice, been able to build up my self-esteem, work on values et cetera If I'd been in a relationship... Don't let society make you question what you know. It took me thirty years of trying to date, trying to find somebody, trying to be normal, trying to have a relationship that stuck and didn't make me miserable before I realised, I am allowed to be single. I envy you that you realise this at 26. I finally realised this at about 47

[@Yamdan7]

@@SusanaXpeace2u thank you for your kind words. Maybe you're right, and i'm too much influenced by Society's narrow definition of what normal is. Nobody in Society has been inmy own shoes. But in one hand i like my freedom, and i dont feel ready, for relationship,. Maybe i wonder how it feels like to feel love. but maybe i need to keep walking the healing path before even trying, or maybe Im not cut out for that at all. Feeling like im too flawed right now. but on the other hand so many people describes their life regrets on their deathbed about not spending enough time with people they cared about. Gurus desrbies relationship as the meaning of life. Self improvment highlights the importance of social skils in any sucess, even more than skills... All of that kind of make me feel like some of us are left behind, we didnt have the same starting points... But maybe it is not our path to take, People like us have a fate to do different things, maybe our soul has chosen that before sent to this physical world, we came to learn our own lessons. and like you said being alone allows us to introspect and work on our self improvment and values, and has its benefits. i also have other things that i need to regret for like people pleasing and being suck in my family business that make me unhaply, work very hard with my still somewhat toxic parents, that every so often ttigger me. It might play a bigger role in my emptiness rather than lack of relationship... To make peace with myself about these fears i feel that i need to focus on me and my healing, Chase my dream (because if i dont see myself raising a family in the future than what the point of working that hard ?) and i have to answer to just myself, as long as i dont harm anyone else. get out of comfort zones, and change my atmosphere. Sorry that it was tough for you to make peace with yourself, and accept you for who you are. I wish you satisfaction in anything you'd like to do. Please dont beat youself up for your path, maybe this is the lesson you had to learn in that exact way. Even in age 26 i feel like im missing out and time is slipping away, And that I should have been in a diffrent position by now, have an acdemic degree etc, etc. but im too tierd to let that anxiety get to me. I find it easier to belive that time is just an illusion and that obviously i'll never be able to to fullfil all of my dreams, just dealing with my self healing with self introspection, it seems like most of my adult life are dedicated for that introspection for too long, But eventually I will need to learn to make a change...

[@Zarsla]

This is me except as I'm writing this at 24. But like I was like this at 16/17, like I knew I couldn't do an intimate relationships, and ppl around me are like why? And I'm like we're both traumatized and I don't want to repeat the cycle.

[@Yamdan7]

@@Zarsla Maybe it's destiny calling us to take a risk, chase our own healing, self discovery, trauma processing, and ultimately chasing our dreams and self relaziation, Maybe this means that we shouldn't be as committed, or get startled by not conforming to society's norms, like marriage, relationship, having children, growing family roots, having a "normal un-fulfilling career" just yet, I mean what's the point of working that hard toward building a future that we still have no vision and motivation for ? we don't need to provide for children yet… It's also Easier to accept this mindset if we'd consider time to be an illusion, and think about everything we'll not be able to achieve in this life time, and accept the fact that this is ok, no point beating ourselves hard, because there's just so many... What's important is finding our own fullfillment, We also know that if we'd happen to have children in this current life time, that will be important role, which means to escort, and bring a new soul into life, and help it reach its true essence, they're not our possession, We learned by our own scars, our badly things can go with parents who aren't ready for that, and that it shouldn't be seeked as a remedy for the constant void or emptiness inside. and our children will be worth better than what we are capable to provide at this time, before doing this work. Maybe after better self acceptance, fulfilling ourselves, and our spiritual cup, our desires for friendships and relationship will rise. And I'm talking as man which trying to walks down that path as well, and still got a long way to go ahead, but maybe it's exactly it, and this is life, and there's no end to it. I don't pretend to succeed in everything above and achieve that complete goal and mindset, and I am not a very spiritual person in particular... life can still be a struggle, of coursem but maybe this is the right start, and telling this to yourself will be helpful to you as well.…. .

[@RRonco]

Wow! This one suddenly clicked for me. I'm so, so glad for this channel. I like to bop around these videos, they feel kinda like really comforting after school specials. It feels good to refresh my vocabulary or revisit a technique. But for some reason, I always skipped this video. It just kind of bounced off of me. I think the first time I didn't quite grasp what it was all about, it seemed so opaque. But thanks to the Brian & Jim 123 role play, which I've seen at least a dozen times (it is absolutely a masterwork), I finally listened when this one started to autoplay. I'm glad and almost relieved that I did. It feels so fresh! I feel like my kaleidoscope of understanding has landed on a cool new prism. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your hard work and training all the more.

[@Freddy3Jersem]

i relate to your comment!!!:D

[@Star-dj1kw]

22:59 specific behavioral examples of respect ✊🏿 SO GOOD 💛

[@sacredweeds]

As the more volatile person in the relationship with my housemate, not lover, I find these videos very helpful in recognizing my part and her part in conflict and how I can soften my response and make the outcome more productive for all involved. I know she just tends to shut down to keep the peace. Since I recognize this as a pattern she used with her husband when she lived with him. I want to be sure she feels heard. One of the biggest challenges has been our differing definitions of yelling. To me yelling is about raised voices. To her yelling is when someone tells her something she doesn’t want to hear no matter the volume or tone. That was a very liberating realization for me now I can preface statement with I need to let you know how I’m feeling, I don’t mean for it to come across as yelling, I’ll state it as calmly as I can but it’s something I think you need to know. Instead of I’M NOT YELLING!!!!! THIS IS YELLING!!!!!! 😳 We have come a long way.

[@WoahhTeamJacob]

Thank you for all that you do. I have been unable to get therapy & medication. (Father is withholding insurance card) & this has been tremendous in my self healing journey. ❤️✨❤️✨

[@nmania3]

Can you call the insurance company and have them email it to a friends house or print a copy from online.

[@jds0981]

I'm currently doing an audit of my relationships. I was raised by two narcissistic parents and I've done a lot of work in this area over my lifetime. I'm finding I have a mixed bag of relationships. This process will support and improve my relationships with functionally healthy people (I have some of those), not so much with the narcissists that I've trauma-bonded with, yet this has been very helpful in seeing how they slide in, gathering the data about my issues and weaponized them later. It reinforces the idea that I was acting in good faith and there's no shame in that.

[@TheLove1Makes]

Well thought out and really good advice and tools. Thanks

[@airenmoonwolf2520]

We haven't yet tried the proceedure but we stumbled upon a method that is very similar. We saw a need to stop arguing if we feel triggered and discuss why we feel off balance and then when we are feeling like we are behaving in a more mature manner to continue the original discussion. Never connected it to our inner child trauma but we did have a basic understanding that we were acting as though each other was the offending parents rather than the partner. I think adding this proceedure to the mix might further the work we are doing already and we have a partner that is ready to both be a participant in the process and mediator.

[@Jardinier2023]

I have trauma and I found that the only therapy that worked for me was based on Gestalt or non-violent communication. I went from a five year old child to a mature adult in a single session, but it's not a one time thing, it would be like therapy its a weekly thing and then there is also a daily check in I used to do in community that was very helpful, release all resentments. As Amanda mentioned it is a process of the "empty chair', putting the person you have grievance with in the other chair. Usually there is a moderator.

[@lostamy27]

This is an excellent video, thank you for making it. I need every bit of what was said... putting it into steps is huge as is having it moderated.... Im 64 and Mr sister is 58. I have BPD so little things trigger me all the time, but I've had individual therapy that has shown me how to recognize when I'm being triggered. My sister can be a bully and be just plain mean to me. I'm going to talk to her about what I got from your interview and see if she can change her behavior of always being right and never letting me get a word in...you've given me a place to start. Thanks so much...

[@mattchomistek9715]

Been working on what gets me triggered and this video really gave a much better and broader perspective. I can pinpoint some of what behaviors of others, myself, and situations cause triggers. The parents things are one too where someone said or did something that took me back in time to when my inner child is hurt but this vid really opened me up to how complex and deep these feelings run. And loved the changing of stop being triggered from being triggered... That is for sure. I can recognize now, not being able to express how I felt, told it was disrespectful and was too young or to complicated to understand and they don't(or act like they don't) need to explain themselves really opened up feelings of desperation and shame. Also the using metaphors when communicating, that blew my mind... thank you again for these videos and offering some service on your time. 🤘😎🤘

[@anner.413]

Thank you very much, Mrs Curtin. You and Mr Teahan are so lovely. I am usually not an emotional person, but hearing you giving names to things, acknowledging that these are things and giving them a shape, is so liberating in itself. But you also offer a solution, so thank you very much.

[@yveqeshy]

Thank you so much both for this. I appreciate all your work and even more sharing this knowledge publicly.

[@kaylalatham1370]

3 minutes in and I'm already like ah fudge this is relatable

[@pdk9903]

Fantastic conversation! Thanks for making this a available!

[@hiddenmistninja111]

Damn, I like the description of that well of pain, can't believe you put it in a good way

[@amberfuchs398]

Great video! Love your content with Amanda, its so insightful.

[@davidchung5758]

Hi, so good to see this! I'm interested in finding the pdf for the 1-2-3 process but I'm unable to access it. Is it no longer available?

[@kristinatorregiani8212]

Fantastic tool, thank you very much

[@matthewvanduyne7778]

Hi I'm wondering if Amanda Curtin has written a book on this concept of 123? I would really love to learn all I can about this! Thanks

[@rennie-s]

Thank you for this video 🙏. I wondered at the length, but it was so thorough and instructive and I really “got it.” What a gift.

[@swhite802]

How does this unfold when one of the people are narcissist? Can it even work with them? I've been able to navigate conflicts using a simpler version of this all my life. But with the 3 narcissists I am related to, it never works. Nothing works. Not even basic meeting you in the middle or reciproquing your admission that projection made things over the top

[@AWanderingEye]

See 31:20, the one sided 1-2-3

[@radiorosienashville]

I agree they can’t open up. Anger And fear controls the door to the shame

[@kevinbissinger]

narcissists don't change because nothing is wrong with them and they never do anything wrong. The sooner you decide to get out of that or accept that is their default the happier you'll be

[@MsGnor]

So grateful for your amazing content Patrick & Amanda! ❤❤‍🔥Can personally vouch for Empty Chair technique esp if you act like it's true (assuming you feel safe to do so)!

[@USmomma4]

What if you grew up safe and loved but then get married to someone who came from an abusive household, and they start treating you the same way they were treated growing up…I’ve never been spoken to or controlled or emotionally abused like this before so I don’t know how to deal with it. If I use the 1,2,3 my triggers take me to my relationship with my husband, not anything from my childhood. He’s so used to drama and fights and tearing into others viciously and I’m over here on the inside thinking what on earth did I get myself into….?! Please offer input - thank you in advance

[@rhyfeddu]

I'm not one of the experts, but speaking from being in your husband's shoes and working on this, I have these thoughts: It's great that you recognized the origins of his difficulties and that you haven't taken it at face value and internalized it, as if you were the sole cause. But it's pretty important that *he* sees it, so he can stop the cycle and get better coping tools for emotional discomforts and conflicts. This channel is a great start, "Crappy Childhood Fairy" channel here on too...if he's open to watching them? It's the ol' the first step is admitting there's a problem. His reactions are all pretty fear based reactions, and loss related, including loss of control. The pull of childhood pain is stronger than the best intentions or rational thinking, unless you are actively working on it. He needs new tools, new perspectives or he'll always fall back on what the original template was. It's bone deep. While empathy and sympathy for how he got here is natural, please don't ever let him diminish your own self worth by attrition, or find yourself slowly isolated, as you try to help him. Drowning people can sometimes pull their helpers down with them. Keep yourself healthy and safe. Good luck to both of you and your family.

[@VioletEmerald]

Usually it requires a separation and/or divorce if you recognize something that is abuse is going on. He could theoretically work on fixing himself to not be abusive but he needs a big reason to and if you're staying with him in most cases he'll have no motivation to charge. He's also the source of your trauma and it's not ever a spouse's responsibility to be the person to help their abusive spouse through their own issues. It's commendable how sympathetic you are to him but ultimately abuse is dangerous and tends to escalate - if it's not physical yet it becomes physical etc... And i think you need to seriously consider your own safety both emotionally and physically and consider an exit strategy. I know that's tough and i also know I don't really know your situation but you're the one who called it abuse and i think you need to take an honest look at what that means. I wish you all the luck. Nothing about this is easy, for either of you.

[@nataliaturner4845]

Similar. My family of origin had it's problems but I can scantly connect them to the way he triggers me, or connect his history & triggers to the way I am with him. Emotional neglect/"ships in the night" is clear, but I can track the causes of that btwn me & siblings whereas he just held me at arms length from the start, w/no history btwn us to explain it.

[@debwiands5150]

Run. You deserve better .

[@maryf1671]

​

[@maytheforcebewithyou4313]

Why did my dad humiliate me, laugh at me and put me down as his way to relate to me? Later, I told him he was a bully and bullys are cowards. He told my mom I yelled at him, but I tape recordrd and spoke even keel in a monotone to relay my feelings. My dad walked out when I was 14, and I was more than relieved. He acted like king and judge and had no patience. I am hearing dum dum, numskull, dummy and other names he called me, which always stung and paniced me. I see how. I had no where to go except to my animals, to sing, dance, and read or ride my bike. I had a homemaker mom, and dad would put her down and my grandfather. No one was good enough, or got complimented. Dad is gone since 2015 at 82. He was body building 6 days a week to the end, a self centered show off my whole life. I cry and it hurts bad to watch dads who love their daughters, buy them a dress for prom, talk nicely about the daughter to others, support and champion and believe in their daaughter, actually like them.. I am schocked at men liking their little girls, high school age daughters, college age, or even want to see them get married, be involved in their lives, so I feel how I internalized and rejected my self and never expected his attention, acceptance, love, or support. He was prevelant in my life and I rejected him, had an aversion to him physically and was scared to confront him because he ruled over us with anger, violence and was a tyrrant. He physically violated my mom, and we walked on eggshells my entire childhood, and my mom shook, was under weight, could not do anything twice to avoid a violent episode, he drank heavily and never seemed drunk, just angrier, drove too fast with us in back seat in 70s, scared to die. He pulled me by the hair, and shoved me under a table from being drunk, I stayed under all night and heard him snoring. The next morning no one said anything about it, it was my 7th birthday. I always expected to get in trouble over anything at any time. I lived on high alert. My parents let by older brother beat me up, bully me and any time he attacked it was unprovoked, he is still like that and is 62, lives with mom, and never actualized into an adult man, he is a loner, anti-social and hostility comes seething off of him. He is able to hide it, and be charming, goofy, with humor, but its stress humor and overbearing. He wanted dad to see him, and love him but dad had only big cheese, king of the mountain would beat on his chest like gorrillas do, for realz. I was always so embarrassed in front of anyone how dad acted. He was a bull in a china shop, broke dishes, slammed doors, drove drunk and would peel out of the driveway to burn rubber and be noticed and show his dominance. He was so large, larger than life around us, anything he did was a superlative, faster, bigger, richer, smarter, better at, most attractive. He was unfaithful on the hunt to boost his ego, he womanized and charmed but broke promises to me my whole life. No integrity. Like Lucy holds the football for Charlie Brown, my dad pulled up the hopes of his doing things he said he would. He bad mouthed me to strangers and never talked on the phone for any time except to demand something of me. He went to my mom who he treated so badly she has nightmares and is grateful he left after 17 years but he walked out leaving us zero to survive on. We went from custom built homes he was a civil engineer with a lot of cash flow, to my dad not paying the bills when he walked out for some fat lady who divorced her husband and seduced my dad. She had a son my brother's age, and her hisband was a mello school teacher. Dad was a sexual conquerer and hated women, hated children hated the vulnerable. He would sneer and be mean to men who were gentle and kind. I can't unravel the imprint of man = dad. Dad = unsafe and realize not every man hates my female side my girlie girl or wants to hit me. I was scared of guys his height 6'3" and I hated my mom for being weak. She said he would have killed her if she had left. Plus it was 60s-70s women had no independence, divorcees were shunned and money was tight because dad overspent showing off all the time. Well, thanks for all you do Patrick. Much appreciate this video. Keep hoping I will recover, but its been 39 years of seeking to reimprint my image of my father, but his rejection shaped me on a cellular level, and every nano second, I am infused with that parental shape of a dad. Sigh.

[@csviolin0516]

Wow, this is fantastic. Just what is needed, thank you so much!

[@nand3kudasai]

this is SOo good. and so practical. i would really like to be in a group with patrick or amanda. her technique reminds me to what Pete Walker wrote in his book, for mutual ventilation, i wonder if he met Amanda before.

[@nand3kudasai]

thank you so much Patrick and Amanda. this video deserves so much more views.

[@natashalucero733]

These videos are invaluable, thank you ☺️

[@lauraburns8306]

Does step 3 include both descriptions of the present bump? Of 'what happened?'

[@spiritualservicesgodbless7641]

Thank you for the video

[@ljkoh20052000able]

I would think in order to be able to talk about the past, this would be easier by focusing the past on yourself rather than blame gaming the partner or the other. So each talks about individual childhood trauma. What makes this a couples therapy is here, the partner is listening and seeing the partner's past. Otherwise, this could work individualy.

[@sinahanson4516]

How does one use this process when a current "bump" occurs *with* the parent (once you are both adults) who caused the original trigger? Would Step 1 be figuring out where in my past I went to emotionally and naming it, and then doing Steps 2 and 3 about that past issue first, before moving to the current topic and beginning at Step 1 again for the current issue? I have a parent who did a lot of damage during my childhood but who is willing to learn new processing skills like this one alongside me (and who really wants to get to know me in ways that this tool would afford). But would my identifying the past trauma that I'm actually reacting to, with the current bump, be too triggering a process for the person who caused that trauma?

[@jeanjeang8914]

This is an awesome process....is there a process I can do on my own when I'm feeling restless etc and want to eat etc to ease the feeling...how can I work through it on my own...thanks in advance.

[@unveilingtruth526]

Thanks!

[@peggygarcia1131]

13:13 I was made to believe

[@mrstoner2udude799]

How can we get a copy of the 1 2 3 document?

[@happylindsay4475]

What happens when one person wants to and sees the necessity of this work- but the other doesn’t? Is this a sign of incompatibility? Repetition compulsion? Both? I can say that both of my parents and partners have not ever sought help or therapy. Thank you for these videos.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

Yes, it doesn’t work unless both parties are invested and aware of their family dysfunction in a good enough way.

[@happylindsay4475]

@@patrickteahanofficial Thank you - your channel is so validating and hopeful. You deliver dense content in an easily digestible way- the “work” is hard enough! Your presentations make it easier. Thank you for your response. Thank you so much. You are appreciated.

[@kathleenstubelekctts1204]

What does it mean to 'affect' someone in this context?

[@mery5989]

are there really people whose problem is they both want to decide where to eat and not that they both want the other to decide? I mean especially when there are options I feel like of course we're both gonna be like you pick which one no you pick which one you feel like the most. I can't imagine the opposite

[@andyandroid2155]

How to do this with someone who has BPD narcissistic tendency? He always says he had bad moments in his childhood but everyone has it. His dad was alcoholic, while the mother is narc that herself admits it. Whenever we discussed our problems and tried to be vurnable, he would shut off and back to me again that I caused all the problems and that triggered me because that what my mom always said when things didn't go as it should.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

This exercise doesn't work unless both parties can be mature and know they contribute to something.

[@christinemccoy4471]

I no longer have a "need" to have intimacy with anyone.

[@user-dm6jy5jr9o]

What do you do if your partner has no memories of his childhood

[@anniepark6694]

Can you do one for yourself, meaning if it's not someone in your life but maybe someone in a TV show or something? Or like a word in a song or something on the news?

[@vhenan2341]

How do you find a couples therapist that you can be certain does this?

[@irenitele8497]

Maybe contact her office and see if there is domeone in your area thst studied with her. And any couple's therapy is always better than none!

[@diydirtbag]

The link isn't working to download the 123 process.

[@simaailim947]

How can we participate in this group?

[@bewusstlustvoll]

The link does not work. Could you point me in the right direction please? such an amazing tool! thank you both!

[@patrickteahanofficial]

www.patrickteahantherapy.com/e-courses-handouts/

[@jennaferrell7525]

What do you do when you don’t realize you are getting triggered ?!!! That’s the hardest part!!!!!!😭

[@aquamarine0023]

Love this!

[@christinebuckhout]

Does the 123 work for people on the spectrum?

[@SweetStrawberryShell]

I'm also autistic, I was diagnosed in February 2020, age 29 ☺

[@deliciamurugan2626]

love this but doesn't your partner need to be willing to dig deep and share...? if they are more stoic - then what?

[@radiorosienashville]

They can’t open their heart because narcissistic the way has built Totally false self they have been living out of. The real heart is banished to the Shame dungeon.

[@caitybug.]

This sucks she is barely scratching the surface and thinks it’s ground breaking lol

[@rainbowconnected]

Such a simple, easily learned process to help two triggered people get out of that awful loop IS ground breaking and so needed by so many. Perhaps you've never been in that situation yourself and/or helped others out of it and thus don't really know how significant that is. If you have discovered a simple path out of triggering that leads to greater connection and healing, then sharing about that would certainly be more beneficial and productive than just criticizing others who are doing that important work. All you accomplish by such speech is to discourage people who are seeking tools to heal and grow.

[@ARA-ee9yr]

Thank you to both of you. 🤍