When Did Marriage Become about Love?

[@dcllaw677]

Don’t confuse duration for happiness

[@ahuitzotlacoyotl3355]

I agree; but let's also not confuse happiness with fleetingness.

[@solascriptura-e7t]

Ha!

[@lismarcel]

@Black Knight Fool It sounds like you've spent your entire life in a dark basement, never talked to anyone and never read any books. What you're spewing is anti-LGBT propaganda that has nothing to do with marriage anyway. Lots of LGBT people want to get married, by the way

[@pedicabfilms8791]

Dont confuse living with longevity, Live happily life is short.

[@gordon.sarratt]

@@lismarcel well yea, at the basically same rate as all the straight people. that might be wrong im to lazy to do my research. but I am gay and that seems about right.

[@owpqieurty]

The best advice my mom ever gave me was "dont marry for love." It sounds cold at first. But it's not. She was always clear. You should love the person you marry, but if you are getting married solely because you love them you're probably in trouble. You can fall in love with anyone, it doesn't mean it will lead to a successful marriage. You should get married because you have similar goals, parenting styles if you want children, family/household expectations, and you are in a place in life where marriage is practical (among many more reasons) AND you love someone. I am so incredibly happy in my marriage to a man I love, but who I didn't choose to marry only because I love him. Idk it makes perfect sense to me. Am I confusing you guys?

[@toplobster1040]

You've summed up my thoughts perfectly

[@raerohan4241]

Nope, you wrote it very clearly. And your mom was wise. Tbh love can end at any time. And usually love that's quick to start is also quick to die, whereas love that's slow to start is also slow to die. That's my experience, anyways. And you don't have to be in love to marry. If you have all the other things (common interests, goals, expectations, etc.) then you'll probably fall in love eventually. If not, you'll still at least be comfortable and stable. And that, to me, is much more attractive than a whirlwind romance

[@cristals87]

Spot on

[@Sam-lb8xs]

Your mom hit the nail on the head. Marrying only for the romantic aspect is an attractive idea, but it's not practical. And people who marry a whirlwind romance... well, based on my own observations, a whirlwind is intense but it doesn't last. What we see in movies, television, and books is overwhelmingly fantasy. Youth and beauty fade, as does libido, so there has to be some solid basis for a marriage. The Japanese, apparently, have noted that the couple should begin politely, with friendship, and nurture the flame until it's a hearty fire... and that you have to keep tending it, otherwise it will flicker out.

[@AquilaLupus9]

I will start off with saying that, I agree with your mother, except for one thing. In my opinion, ALL of that encompasses love. Why does one fall in-love with someone to begin with? When one loves someone, one shares common ideals, beliefs, goals, have similar lifestyles, etc. with one's significant other. In other words, one falls in-love with someone that's similar to oneself. When none of these aspects are found in a person one "loves", then it ISN'T love. That's physical attraction and lust. And that fades with time. I suspect that this is the MAIN reason why many "love" marriages end in divorce. The reason being that people DON'T know what love is. Everyone is capable of loving, I don't mean that. But many don't even know how to define it. I've seen it often. Your mother defined love, without calling it love. So I ask you, what is "love" according to your mother? Because though I agree with her advice 100%, I see that she didn't connect this to being "love", since she stated that love shouldn't be the only reason for marriage. Whereas I say that everything she described, IS love. That was my criteria when I decided my S.O. is "the one" and it has worked for me. Also, "the one" is misleading because one has many potentials. But that's another topic. But, yes. Love IS a logical choice, NOT a feeling. And "love being a choice, not a feeling" is my interpretation to this video's statement of, "lasting marriages have consent."

[@KatieLamoreaux]

After 10 years of marriage I’ve learned love isn’t enough. It takes effort.

[@mascotwithadinosaur9353]

Love is also effort though

[@raerohan4241]

@@mascotwithadinosaur9353 They kind of loop into each other. You put in the effort, love grows. Love grows, you put in more effort

[@mascotwithadinosaur9353]

@@raerohan4241 Yeah

[@TheShumoby]

Been married 11 years, we must be very compatible because it doesn't take any effort.

[@DhaneCrowley]

@@TheShumoby Well said

[@katiekatie6289]

You have to remember that most of the history we hear about revolves around rich nobles. Just because something was common for nobles doesn't mean it was true of the general population.

[@GraupeLie]

That's what I was thinking too...

[@movsestimiryan3854]

Katie Katie--- Exactly. Most subsistence farmers were not exactly looking to make political alliances when taking a wife.

[@zbuglady]

Not political alliances perhaps but if a woman had a dowry, or skills that could bring in money it probably made her more attractive. Going back in fiction the past couple of hundred years you can easily see that people of middle class and working class often thought of these aspects and sometimes suffered when they didn’t.

[@GameringAcademy]

Yeah, arranged marriages were primarily a practice of the rich

[@dominiquebaby678]

Yes but women also didnt have rights. So in order to survive, she had to get married. Because dad wasnt going to take care of her forever

[@PAULIVenezuela]

When I got married, the lady ask to my husband and I why we were getting married... we start to list many practical motives like "taxes", "good jobs", "like her/his family values", "support my dreams and ambitions" and the officer always said "what else?", finally we get to the part were we said something like "I don't know, love?" And that was the answer she was waiting for... after that I said "lady, if you ask us why we are getting married, we will respond with many practical and even economical reasons, but if you started with why are you two together, then we will respond with the romantic love part"... needless to say, this caused a lot of laughs

[@toBe8ere]

@topherh33 what is wrong with you

[@strxberrishortcqke]

r/thathappened

[@milascave2]

paul: Well, this is a relatively new thing, widespread people living together before marriage. If they can already do that, then there is no reason for marriage other than practical and legal ones, tax breaks, hospital visitation, and so forth:.

[@momolee5262]

@@milascave2 there are many reasons such as taxes and if you are very sick or somehow incapable of making decisions for yourself your spouse(who should know you well enough to make decisions you would be happy with) is the only person who could legally do that for you if both of your parents are dead or you don't talk to them, but your spouse has the ultimate say which can be good because in many cases parents will only do what they seem best but they might not do what you would want because they believe they are right. Also if you died because of an accident or natural causes your spouse would be in charge of whatever you leave behind(this point is more important in wealthier families). I think if these things are important to you, then maybe marriage is a very good and responsible thing to do as long as it's healthy and mostly happy(because no marriage is perfect). Well those are my humble thoughts.☺️

[@momolee5262]

Meant for the first commenter. Oops

[@NWOALERT]

"What's the secret to a long marriage? Well, you don't get divorced." - Olivia Harrison

[@isixqueenxofxmadness]

I once read that arranged marriages are less likely to end just because of the social pressure associated with it. The partners won't even consider separation, because the shame or social disapproval that comes with it is worse than whatever nightmare of a relationship they have. Also I personally believe love matched marriages are more likely to end because both parties will feel that if their relationship is not the best they shouldn't be forced to be together. The freedom that comes with love matching also reflects in freedom of choosing when to end it, I think. But it could also be that people just become infatuated and get married quickly and then when they get to know each other they realize they never actually liked each other. And final thought, why does your life companion have to be your lover? I think it would be great if you could make some sort of contract with your best friend or something like that.

[@Hannah-zp4dr]

you're final thought is a common occurrence between aromanitic/asexual people (people who don't feel romantic/sexual attraction to anyone). I know people who are legally married or in a domestic partnership who raise children together but they aren't the common idea in western culture of a couple.

[@neftana8]

The thing about romantic marriages is that ur partner should be like ur friend or best friend in the first place and those tend to be the ones the last and if they don't the bond is still intact even if u decide to separate ways. Also, y not marry ur best friend? There is no law that says u have to be romantically inclined towards them. Me and my best friend have talked about spending our lives together and joke about getting married in our 30s if we didn't find a spouse or a partner by then. Also, he's gay while I'm female so truthfully if u and ur bestie don't have a problem with it I say go ahead. And y'all can have romantic partners on the side

[@anastasia10017]

Arranged marriages also come with big money exchanges = dowries. Once the parents have coughed up their life savings for the dowry, their child knows that money is gone forever. The guilt of knowing that the dowry money that their parents scrimped and saved for for years and years will be lost if they divorce keeps them in an unhappy marriage. Arranged marriages are all about the money. They don't accept the bride or groom if the parents can't cough up the kind of money they want.

[@pattykrabbies]

Isidora Flores Right??? Like wheres the best friend marriage man

[@asterismos5451]

In aromantic circles, people often have "queer-platonic relationships" which are basically that! Committed and loving relationships with someone you don't have romantic feelings for, but feel deeply for in other ways. Sometimes they marry, sometimes live together, sometimes just date in a non-romantic way. Some have sex, some don't, some are closer to deep friendships to romantic relationships. Basically they are kind of the best.

[@MsAnna47]

Wherever women have their own money and access to education, there is less need and lessened necessity for marriage, period, plain and simple; and therefore the freedom to make the decision to marry based on love is such a privilege and even whimsical in a sense, not merely a luxury. Where women will be homeless if they don't marry or get taken in by other relatives when their parents are gone there is a stark necessity for marriage and I can image has resulted down through these few thousand years in billions of unhappy but tolerated unions just so a girl could eat every day … but I dunno.

[@TheMorganVEVO]

I agree.

[@anastasia10017]

very true. indian culture dump women when they become widowed at holy shrines and leave them to fend for themselves and beg for food on the street. Widowed women are considered of no use, unable to remarry, a financial burden (she eats everyday!! even though she came with a dowry to pay for that food) and bad luck.

[@TheMorganVEVO]

anastasia46 Damn.

[@iriscollins7583]

One of my great grandmothers was left a widow with two children at the age of 22. She had no Immediate family to support you her, it's a bit complicated, ( it took me a couple of years to trace her story.) She was taken in by the family that had brought her up. Still a lot of research to do. But really her only option was marriage. She married my Great Grandfather. Would like to think that it ended up happily. But looking at the times, and conditions of life. It was just survival. The children and their grandchildren, were a stable and happy people. So I think it might have been a happy union.

[@iriscollins7583]

@@TheMorganVEVO At least the British made suttee illegal in 1829. That seemed to have been about hanging on to money.

[@DiveMaiden1]

There's a joke my father used to tell. (Simplified preamble: divorced Catholics are not allowed to remarry in the church, but confession can absolve all sins.) - A Catholic couple were having marital issues. A friend asked one. "Why don't you get divorced?" They responded, "Divorced? Never." Then thought to themself *Murder? ...Maybe.*

[@shabbygirl8362]

Devine Massage funny 😆 but sadly true!

[@PabloEmanuel96]

Actually it exists in the church the solution of a marriage under some circumstances

[@shabbygirl8362]

pablo emanuel Murder?! Haha..I’ve been divorced for spiritual reasons. My husband cheated on me. He defiled our marriage bed and broke our marriage bond. I saved myself for marriage so that was sad for me but I chose to be celibate again until I remarried and I felt whole again (ahem...telling a stranger my whole life story...🙈)

[@movsestimiryan3854]

Devine Massage--- I am not Catholic and this is my attitude. I was told this mentality is common in the northern Caucasus as well.

[@AnonimusQualquer]

You realize that this isn’t really a joke when the number of murders between couples decreased with the legalization of divorce. They do take the “until death do us apart.” Literally.

[@flymypg]

I was once engaged to my BFF: We always enjoyed each other's company, easily shared the ups and downs, and even cohabitated without significant issues. But we called it off because we both thought romantic love was a requirement. We've remained friends since. We've often discussed that decision, and came to regret it, but chose never to second-guess it. We did agree that, if time travel were possible, we'd both take a do-over of that decision.

[@NotSoNormal1987]

BobC I don't see why you can't make a different decision now if that's what you two want.

[@christiamark9184]

Love changes, romantic love will wax and wane. I married some one who makes me laugh. Love followed.

[@squamish4244]

Lots of BFFs DO fall in love, though. So then a problem doesn't even arise and nobody comments about it online :)

[@ashleyashley6396]

TheMschan330 i think its both

[@lisahannah3175]

Anytime I'm marrying a couple I start the premarital counseling by asking them why they they want to get married. I actually find it refreshing when they speak of things other than just love. You can love each other and not get married.

[@shemesh9687]

In Judaism consent for marriage was always very important. This is demonstated when Rivkah was asked if she would agree to marry Isaac. They made a point that she shouldnt go unless she wanted to.

[@sonnybrown4758]

I think i've found my new favorite channel.

[@ashliepierre2765]

Sonny Brown me too

[@rosiepops9739]

Same here as well

[@galaxybun8775]

It may not be my favorite, but I really like it. I don't like doing favorites

[@cr1tikal393]

Me four

[@warrenarnold]

@@cr1tikal393 me five

[@stealthspoon1]

Very big thumbs up. Love marriages are emotion based. Marriages should be about wisdom and shared values and Love comes as a result of that

[@recoveringsoul755]

Where was this advice in 1983?

[@hassanabdur-rahman1559]

I agree.

[@matcha9512]

i think a reason for the fact that arranged marriages have lower divorce rates is because of the culture where they are more common, divorce is a big taboo in the places where arranged marriages are common

[@heynotizzy7493]

Very very true, they are in my culture

[@anastasia10017]

I know a lot of Indian people. They have arranged marriages. When they really dont get along, one of them moves to London and the other one moves to Singapore. They see each other once every 5 years at a wedding or when one of their kids graduates from school. So yeah, they are married, they did their duty and produced children, and dont divorce. But they have divorced themselves from each other and live completely separate lives. One Indian man I know is married and has lived in China for the past 35 years. His Indian wife lives in India. He flies to India once a year to see his children for a few days. But yeah, they aren't divorced.

[@jzm2293]

​@anastasia10017 exactly on paper they're not legally divorced. I saw this video on vice about bride kidnappings in Kazakhstan those poor women some of them have even committed suicide as a result it's very sad 😔

[@sailordolly]

Another factor that came from the Enlightenment in the 18th century was the rejection of caste systems (i.e. the hereditary division between nobility, commoners, etc.). With hereditary social status of families no longer a matter of law, it became much less important that one's mate be from a certain social class, which was a major driver for shifting the choice from one of "marrying into this family" to one of "marrying this individual".

[@douglasmoran1104]

The rejection or the mystification? If you're working class, you're marrying working class and chances are, so are your grandchildren. Still the case today. So, in what sense was this rejected in actuality? Y'know how that whole French revolution thing happened right? It became real frightening, real quick to be sat at the top in too overt (and arbitrary, hereditary caste is) a way in the 1800's. So... mystify the shit! Before you get pitchforked! To follow your line, you're still not marrying the individual. Your in-laws care zilch about your zany personal expressions (unless they're reflective of something else I guess...) so much as your manner (class), your profession (class) and your various relations to different forms of capital, be it literal money, social capital, whatever.

[@emilycreamer1307]

If I married someone out of duty to my family and not for personal happiness, I would probably also stay in that marriage out of duty (or necessity, depending on the culture) even if it made me unhappy. Alternatively, if I married for personal happiness and it went sour, I'd be more likely to get a divorce. Hence why "love" marriages have a higher divorce rate.

[@uniquelyawesome4455]

Makes sense

[@L.R._Red]

I don’t think I’ve ever loved a KZbin channel so much! This channel deserves a much bigger following

[@shoyuramenoff]

All the arranged marriages in my parents' generation either ended horribly or are currently in jeopardy. My parents met each other and have been together since '94.

[@Divineeyereadings]

I’m Chinese born in America, and I was always told that marriage for love was an extremely rare thing until roughly the 60s and 70s and even then many marriages were arranged. I find it interesting that this video alludes to the fact that marriage for love may still not be a first consideration in Eastern countries. It makes me feel my maternal grandparents were possibly progressive. Although my parents were arranged, I was told my maternal grandpa had the luxury to choose his matches. Something in between an arranged and personal preference. He chose my grandma who was a poor farmer girl over a rich girl who had status and wealth. So it was presumed this was a marriage for love.

[@infinitegalaxy89]

For me, the most important thing is trust and mutual respect. In so many marriages I have seen people being married unhappily to each other, not because they don't love them, but because they do not trust or respect their partner and/or possessive/insecure. Falling in love is easy, but maintaing that companionship through life, takes a whole lot more than love.

[@choedzin]

The idea of love matches didn't slowly start to emerge in the 18th century, but was already being championed by the likes of Moliere and Shakespeare in the 17th.

[@Dentsun4228]

are you talking about love or marriage...they are different.

[@choedzin]

@@Dentsun4228 The idea of marrying for love.

[@Dentsun4228]

@@choedzin in the play "as you like it" Rosalind ridicules orlando claim that he loves her so much he would die for not having her. seems to me people back then recognized the power of love but also realized it was irrational and not the basis for making important decision such as marriage.

[@choedzin]

@@Dentsun4228 That's true, yet it seems to me that Shakespeare was partial to love marriages, cf. for instance Merchant of Venice, Midsummer Night's Dream. Even in Romeo and Juliet the true lovers died rather than follow custom. It may be, of course, that this is my modern bias and people back in the day saw things differently.

[@Dentsun4228]

@@choedzin i have read merchant of venice and as you like it. there is no question that people back then viewed romantic love as a most powerful emotion. i think they were probably as obsessed with romantic love as people today. all the great playwrights and poets back then talked about romantic love. but if you read anthony and cleopatra, the subject of marriage is a whole different thing. its a very political arrangement. ideally, a marriage would have both. but to me, it seems when it comes to marriage by itself, it was a more strategic decision than just marrying for love as people do today. marriage and love were seen as two different things, usually existing in different compartments of social life.

[@ElleKelsheimer]

There's many forms of love and we over-simplify it into this one word. I see romantic relationships as different balances of these different types. My husband and I, for example, have always had a very high friendship and sexual compatibility, but not a very high romance/limerence factor. I think basing a life-long relationship on friendship is probably going to be more stable and less draining in the long run. :D

[@di7209]

That makes a lot of sense because many friendships last longer than relationships and don’t have the risk of being based off only physically attractiveness

[@fightermma]

She's very intelligent.

[@beancounter2185]

l stumbled upon this channel recently. I'm glad I did. Danielle is well spoken.

[@joannestephens1611]

Well spoken as appose to what????

[@twiggyjali]

Lucy Worseley has a 3 part documentary called "A Very British Romance" which details the rise of romance and marrying for love.

[@kirkdarling4120]

One truth is that people change over time. Regardless how much love and compatibility two people had in the beginning, people always change over time. Sooner or later, one person looks at the other and realizes, "That's not the person I married." One advantage of arranged marriages (with consent of the married) is that they started with the concept of learning to love within marriage rather than before marriage. So when realizing, "That's not the person I married," they need only do again what they did before...learn to love the person they're already married to. Wise couples will realize that people always change and will work to change together in the same direction. Otherwise, all marriages are actually destined to become arranged marriages between relative strangers sooner or later, and if they are to stay together, they must learn to love within marriage.

[@toplobster1040]

Wow, beautifully said. I'm surprised to see all these wise people in the comments section.

[@claudiaweber4564]

Very true, the reasonwhy I'm divorced for 4times.I changed a lot in my life and my husbands became slowly, a shoe, which doesn't fit anymore. Now, I'm living alteady for 8years in a partnership, without being married. We made each a perfect business offer, when we met. A lot advantage for both of us,...... and we are still happily together, because it was never the goal to love each other, or being similar.

[@jaimerobletoaguilar7332]

Very interesting, I would say that whether the marriage is arranged or not, there will be ups and downs. And the couple is the only one that could save it, that´s my humble opinion. Thanks!!!

[@sciencespencer123]

Love your presentation style!

[@andrearepetto217]

A refreshingly healthy discourse on marriage. I love your take on all of the topics you tackle!!

[@khushlovie]

I love this channel. At last someone is here to answer my questions

[@phishezrule]

Not much to say, but jeez I love your voice.

[@salameri6573]

I think arranged marriages work mostly because of the hopelessness of women. In rich arab GCC countries. Arranged marriages are still common yet the divorce rates are high. I think its mostly because women now have more freedom to reject their husband since they can be financially independent. If a housewife was to be divorced she’s most likely going back to her family and had to be reliant on them, unlike working women, also governments give many subsidies for divorced women and oblige the Ex-husband to keep spending on her if she has his children, mostly like child support. This is why modern marriages have high divorce rates not only love marriages.

[@Cottagewh0re]

@topherh33 OH MY GOD PEOPLE ARE EXPECTED TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN!?!?!?! Give me a break. The government is not forcing money out of men or whatever bullshit you believe, they're making men take care of their children financially.

[@AndroidsDontDance]

@topherh33 Pointing out that the sky is blue is fact because we have solid evidence as to why it's blue and we have, you know, eyes. You're making a claim based on, what, your own experience? Really nothing. That's what makes it a conspiracy.

[@AndroidsDontDance]

@topherh33 No one here agrees with you. Have you read the comments? And you're completely generalizing. On paper, yes, women use more but you're failing to ask why. You're just saying "women take more because they're women" which is such a silly and immature way to approach, well anything. Your original comment is still based on nothing more than women bad. You also need to quantify as to what exactly is taking too much while not putting anything in. You're just making a ton of generalizations based on repeated nonsense by the incel community.

[@AndroidsDontDance]

@topherh33 Yeah you've got some serious issues, man. You're just parroting the same nonsense other incels and MGTOW dudes. Read other opinions with an open mind. You're not coming off as a nice guy. You're coming off as a jerk. For no reason.

[@alayhaferron1972]

The government absolutely does not give subsidies to divorced women. Divorce causes most mother to end up close to or beneath the poverty line. Divorcing with children is still very difficult. Your not even guaranteed child support.

[@Rikajael]

A friend I grew up with here in America enter into an arranged marriage.

[@Ferroes]

“i love pbs”

[@alexisworst2568]

iron saad me too!!!

[@warrenarnold]

i donno, marry it?? XDXD

[@miladmd247]

It's still not about love because you have to sign a legal binding contract

[@Kneekneee]

My father married his bestfriend and they respected each other. They never screamed at each other or called each other names. Their arguments were simply conversational. They weren't the typical PDA couple but everyone who saw them knew they loved each other. My sister and I are the products of their love. I've realized that I grew up in a loving home and I shouldn't be judgemental of others who didn't. But I will say that my father set the bar really high in finding a good man.

[@amandalopez6086]

Second, also love this topic. It's my fav thank you.

[@pb7199]

i come from a south asian background and was born and raised in australia, almost everyone in my parents generation had arranged marriages but now that my older family friends are starting to get married there's many more love marriages. of course with our parents still being against dating for the most part, some of my older family friends have actually pretended as if they hadn't been dating for 8 years before deciding to get married- then everyone's happy haha

[@CaraRowen]

I love this series so much and I often binge it. I've started at the beginning and am working my way up to the most recent and I've almost always learned something. I'd love if yall credited your researchers too. Also Danielle is so very much. I could listen to her all day.

[@johnc1014]

So, I define "love" as a commitment to do good to someone else, or sacrifice yourself for the good of someone else. It's an action, choice, and commitment. Modern people seem to define it more as an emotion, yet emotions are often fleeting and unreliable. Frankly, older generations and other cultures have some sense in arranged marriages and having more family involvement. That provides far more accountability to others and less likelihood of the couple merely being "blind with love." The question should not be on whether the two are "in love," but on whether their union is a good thing. Are they united in common worldviews, plans for the future, etc. As a servant of Christ, I know I want to marry someone who would shares the same values and commitment to serving Christ and being his example in this life. I want someone who desires to settle down and have a family of her own. Sure, it's also important to get along and have some common interests. You should probably like the person. But, shared commitment and values are far more important than mere feelings.

[@scottandrewhutchins]

I've read Coontz's The Way We Never Were. The idea of love being part of marriage goes back a long time, but often simply as lip service. Look at Shakespeare history plays. Clearly not primary, but definitely there.

[@TheMorganVEVO]

I just purchased that book. It's great! Stephanie Coontz is a very insightful author.

[@nmoney6655]

My parents believe in Marriage for love ❤️

[@pantojafamily476]

I believe that TRUE LOVE should be the reason to marry. And I mean true love not passion. When you truly love your partner you want the best for them, so that will motivate you to become the best person that you can be for the one you love and you will work harder. Your partner will feel the same and do the same for you and in the end all desires, comforts and goals will be acquired together because they both care. In TRUE LOVE there is also mutual respect and more communication. There is an openness to work things out during difficult times and grow as a person together. You become a team.

[@zaire-aniyarobinson2928]

I think this a fairy tale. I think this can happen for some people but I think that just because two people really love each other doesn’t mean they’re right for each other. A lot of people have to learn to love the person that is right for them lol because the person they actually in love with just not right for the direction of life that they are trying to go in. Sometimes it’s not about love and it’s about the person who you can work well enough with to handle responsibilities with, someone reliable and someone that will be a good fitted parent and you just learn to love them. Marriage is lowkey like a business deal ofc there’s ppl that you love to death but it doesn’t necessarily mean you two would make a good team

[@pantojafamily476]

@@zaire-aniyarobinson2928 I appreciate your reply however let me continue this interesting conversation with this: You can love and care for many people. In fact you can love someone and still decide to go at it alone and that is fine. However, if you decide that you want to be in a relationship settling with someone who just is ok because some of their qualities fit furthering your goals and even they are a good enough partner that doesn't bring stress or drama to your life is still, in the end, not enough. Your love and partner should ultimately be your friend too. Once you have that solid relationship is locked down you can both focus on the future. Leaving love out the equation for good enough or convenient will eventually leave you empty and lonely inside. Instead of settling you would be better of alone.

[@Sgt-Gravy]

Love became the prime cause for marriages when; there was finally too many different lifestyles to choose from? In that the lifestyles effected the average etiquette, the morality, & personalities of those within their reach/ borders? With one religion, one set of rules, one culture, one set of habits; this would produce a population full of very similar like minded people, who cared about, thought about, & work towards the same things, in the same way. Emotions didn't need to play a part, therefore love wasn't necessary for marriages. Wasn't until times of peace, where people no longer saw survival as important as their personal happiness & could safely move away; comfort became to take priority over survival.

[@desiree.s]

You're brilliant. Love your videos! ❤️

[@angelbabies7]

The poor have always had the luxury of marrying for love.

[@marti8053]

Marriage has always been about love. Just listen to the vows taken... to LOVE and to hold in sickness and in health for richer or poorer till death do us part.

[@kamcorder3585]

Those are more modern vows

[@marti8053]

NO THEY ARE NOT!!! The royals corrupted marriage in order to keep the wealth in the family and turned it into a business transaction. But they always fronted a romantic relationship. Marriage has been about love since Adam and Eve.

[@anthonyfrench3169]

Marriage is both about love and family... Especially among mixed nationalities couples... There's love that binds the pair... But it takes a commonality to make it ok for both parties parents

[@kristynadavidkova7364]

Your chanel is great, I'm glad I found it :)

[@filmmusicfan558]

Did anyone but me notice part of the background music being the overture to Mozart's opera "The MARRIAGE of Figaro"? ;)

[@PennyP1986]

Don’t you just love trolls that watch videos to find the smallest thing to whine about? Great job by the way, you rock.

[@desean3402]

Penny Payne glad this annoyed someone else. Literally every video there is that guy looking for a slip up to pounce on

[@milascave2]

courtney: Your sentence doesn't end in a period. (Hey, JK.)

[@gordon.sarratt]

gotta love the trolls

[@MrTaylorfenoglio]

Love is an action not a feeling. The reason for high divorce is because people marry they people they love instead of loving the person they marry.

[@StefanTravis]

Comments like these make me wonder how many youtube commenters are actually bots, programmed with the syntax of pseudo-profound gibberish. "Time is a projection not a simulation. You're late because you rode the train instead of letting the train ride you."

[@kshrvpz1587]

What

[@MrTaylorfenoglio]

@@kshrvpz1587 it's why we call it unconditional love. Feelings change so Is it really love if you base it on feelings?

[@kshrvpz1587]

@@MrTaylorfenoglio not sure

[@sandrelacita]

This leads me to wonder about the "wedding night" tradition - has 'sex on the first day a couple was officially married' been around for ages, and if so, how often was it completed due to social pressures vs. desire or "consent"?

[@blathermore]

As usual, nobody mentions money. My Scottish ancestors often had illegitimate children at the wedding because it had been impossible to get a pastor or a family together due to poverty. This happens in Latin countries of America. Many of my boomer generation were shotgun babies, due to the Ford motor company and its freedom for the young....so that's another issue. Then, of course, there's Jesus, Mary and Joseph... In the 1950s the big expensive status weddings in white gowns, imitating the royals and Disney movies became the social affair...complete with photographs a la movie star glossies. The sweetest wedding I went to was a tobacco farm sharecropper family in a country church with no air conditioning. The father hated giving away his daughters because he cried so much, so he asked my young husband to do it. The place radiated honesty and affection...needless to say, all babies and kids were welcome.

[@ARTOFFICIAL66]

Keep up the great work in your bold edifying endeavor

[@creater-wj6cg]

Always wanted to know the answer to that question. Thank you

[@TheSoloson]

Love the presenter and presentation style! Eloquent young lady

[@buddyholland1427]

SHE IS FROM MOMBASA.

[@TheSoloson]

buddy holland wow! Thank you for that information, had no idea but she is dynamite!

[@buddyholland1427]

i was joking saying MOMBASA..she is nice ok........watch ROSETTA THARPE for great blues music if you bored.....also Battabox nigeria is rare site ...tks

[@buddyholland1427]

layla mccalla is geat folk singer from haiti...tks

[@warrenarnold]

@@buddyholland1427 no this has to be NAIROBI

[@rubarbwantstodrawhands]

My parents had both consented to their arranged marriage but they can't stand each other now. I mean, they never loved each other in the first place but it's gotten so bad now that I'll be glad to see them divorced and happy. The only reason they're not divorced yet is because they're waiting for my little sister to go off to college. Seeing them made me dislike the idea of marriage and children- but if I ever do end up changing my mind, I'll need years of experience to be sure.

[@saosiskissaki464]

a lot people forget happy marriage take WORK!! you have to work at it.

[@kaydenpat]

And be willing to compromise.

[@jonjonboi3701]

Marriage was always about love even historically. But there are many people that married because of status, political and family purposes. Some people were forced to marry other people because of those purpose that I mentioned; this mostly happened to the higher class or more wealthy people. I’m even applying this to western nations.

[@jamespresident6577]

You're excellent at the presentation of content wow

[@chicagoliightsx]

Perfect host. Great voice. _Supreme_ video. Very informative! Thanks! 😊👌😀💗

[@jonjonboi3701]

Marriages about wealth, economic, political and family purposes were common in other civilizations that are outside of the west. That is why like throughout every civilization throughout history

[@vidyasreeram2587]

As someone whose parents are only married because my mother was basically forced into it by her family and my father was always verbally and emotionally abusive, let me just say that only looking at the number of years 2 people have spent together says nothing about the quality of those years.

[@aliciaegan4665]

Fantastic topic, fantastic presenter!

[@DCMarvelMultiverse]

Short Answer: Old social barriers broke down and a middle class expanded plus the dynamics of immigration and settlement to the Americas.

[@roaddog3096]

You sure nailed this time child !!

[@facebren]

Topic suggestion: why do we put vanilla flavouring in cakes, cookies, pies, etc, even when the goal flavour is for example chocolate?

[@NotSoNormal1987]

WorldParticles Vanilla can enhance other flavors

[@shabbygirl8362]

EspressoBug I don’t know..I think I need a video!

[@chillinvillain7800]

You should marry PBS because you love it *and* it supports your finances 🌸🎀💗💞💫💓✨⚡️💘

[@sandraa8038]

🤣

[@priscillabalqis5539]

7:05 consent and shared goals will make a marriage last long

[@Viveera2024]

love you. You are answering questions that I didn't know I had but somewhere I did have it......mind blown.

[@Elethyl]

You should have read some historians' great academic work on the topic. D'Emilio and Drucker suggest that marriage for love is a modernist invention, people could finally search for higher ideals like love when they wouldn't worry about manual labor anymore as they migrated to cities, leaving their villages and farms behind where arranged marriages for wealth and a large number of children were required for manual labor.

[@thebohemianserb2114]

In principle, there should be nothing wrong with parents trying to find a suitable mate for their kids except for the fact that parents have children for selfish reasons like emotional support, social expectations for women to have children, and investment in family wealth. Having kids should be about non of those things but often are. There is nothing wrong with society having things to celebrate, people wanting to invest in deals or needing emotional support, but this kind of parenting that is rooted in those things will end up treating humans like they are emotional support animals they get to breed, status symbols they can flaunt, or employees they get to boss around. It dehumanizes children/offspring to only having worth because their parents love them or can use them, it is the source of sexism, ableism, and homophobia. Disabled children have less usefulness to their parents, gay children can't be used as status symbols or used as domesticated pets for breeding, girls are seen as emotional support animals used for breeding, that's their default setting. Maybee think of parenting as not being about you, it's okay if you're taken for granted sometimes or dehumanized as just a parent figure, you can handle it. They don't need to see you as human until their teenagers when they become analytical and need more personal and complicated advice. You're mature, you know you're human, the point is, their brains aren't developed enough to understand that you're the reason for their existence. They don't look at their lives and can't look at their lives as just a choice you made one night. We tend to make choices that benefit ourselves and it would be hard to make a choice that benefits someone who isn't even alive yet, but do it.

[@skyjack8541]

She never told anyone the origin of marriage. Meaning where did the idea of marriage originate from. It didn't just fall out of the sky.

[@sandrafrederick4923]

I have enjoyed your content. Very entertainingly informative! I love your narrative. I understand the constraint of time, and you don't have to change just for me, but I do wish you could speak a little slower for my older ears.

[@mcgilldi]

The key is that love is not a feeling but a decision

[@nonelost1]

That’s kind of like asking “when did automobiles become about personal transportation?”

[@theire483]

People made it about love...it used to be arranged. It's mostly not about love now, but the confusion of love with lust. Love is something that grows out of familiarity. Mostly when people marry it's not love, they just think it is. That's why people are so quickly and often divorced. The first marriage was not about love, God joined them together. Come grow old with me, the best is yet to be....love is not at first sight, that's lust at first sight, love is a growing thing. As my father said to my mom before or just shortly after they were married, YOU DON'T LOVE ME NOW, BUT YOU WILL. She did 💕, and it lasted until death did them apart.

[@rexultimatum2588]

That's what I've been saying. People confuse romantic love with sheer lust/attraction. Real love is a selfless action and something that grows towards another person. Finding someone attractive is not love, it's your sexual desire towards them. This parodical dilemma is why most relationships end.

[@MarcillaSmith]

As a bitter divorcee, I just wanted to point out that the title should say "will"

[@sandraa8038]

“When Will Marriage Become About Love?”

[@anthonyfrench3169]

Thanks for the thought provoking idea

[@kmwilkerson04]

I like your research on this topic and also love your shirt! I want one, and I will take a marriage as well ahaha. Thank you for doing this video

[@grandma.p]

There must have been a lot of people who got married and stayed as far away from each other as they could.

[@BossRoss045]

Marketing has/is playing an important part of Modern Marriages for Love. The history of why Men wear Wedding Rings is a Great Example.

[@insightful_fairy8743]

Even when I was a young child, I always wondered why people got married…. Never appealed to me at all!

[@ryanboyd100]

Love Conquers All

[@kaydenpat]

Love your channel. Interesting and quirky. I assume that countries which still practice arranged marriage don’t focus on love as a criteria for unions.

[@orionspero560]

I notice that the literature seems to demonstrate that you have early rebellious flashes in favor of love matches becoming much more common and accepted in the period between the American revolution a hand Victoria of quiring the throne in Britain.

[@springbutterfly5769]

Ok this channel is awesome. Im subscribing

[@buddhidev7877]

Great explanation. Thank you

[@bobbackward6461]

Wow. For what must be the thousandth time, I find myself wishing I had a time machine.

[@twiggyjali]

IMO a lot of people don't know what they want and don't often make good longterm decisions. I think that's why divorce is so high, and why a lot of westerners are giving up on marriage altogether.

[@caraandria7574]

Them : *When did marriage become about Love?* *Me :* *Where did love come from?*

[@eurosonly]

I remember doing a power point presentation about this in College, and all the American students looked like I was speaking a different language. It's funny how little you understand of others when you've grown up living a completely different life than them.

[@Ggdivhjkjl]

What does love have to do with marriage? ~ Londo Mollari; he never spoke truer words.

[@heynotizzy7493]

When in your family marrige is STILL not about love

[@RCPeter]

Can you do one on the origin of romantic love? There is a theory that it began in reaction to a decline in faith.

[@onenonam]

Seems as if the whole premise of this segment was based on one person's "research" based on their writing? Many people who had nothing married, since the beginning of time, to procreate, based on attraction, companionship, and other reasons which intertwine with love, if not love has the primary. Surely you can do a simple contract if you just wanted a pure business relationship in these overwhelming majority of circumstances.

[@MrMuttly55]

People have married for love throughout recorded history.

[@fightfannerd2078]

not so much back in the day

[@latoyagriffin1410]

Thank you...it’s the very thing God had in mind when he made Adam and Eve, the first official defacto marriage!

[@DhaneCrowley]

Till this day, asking a woman what her goals are have been a saving grace to me. Any women who refuses to state them or cops an attitude because I asked is an automatic red flag 🚩

[@lashantacurry5978]

What do I think? Does noteing the consistency in marriage and requirements for marriage trends differntiate marriage occuring? Concerns for marriage increasing, decreasing; reasoning for marriage being romantic involvements place differentiations upon people deciding to become married? Declining marriage rates? No? Yes? Does drawing people's attention toward marriage cause them to fixate upon marriage?