People Who HATED Their Portraits | Tales From the Bottle

[@Qxir]

Join membership: kzbin.info/door/GHDQtN_vzFYJaq_Fx1eikgjoin Second Channel: kzbin.info/door/t93hxFmjppL5nLRAX94UrA Merch: qxir.creator-spring.com/ Patreon: www.patreon.com/qxir Twitter: twitter.com/QxirYT Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100091768766293 Instagram: instagram.com/qxiryt/ Tiktok: www.tiktok.com/@qxiryt Discord: discord.gg/jZzvvwJ Twitch: www.twitch.tv/qxiryt/ Subreddit: www.reddit.com/r/Qxir/

[@alfrancisbuada2591]

Henry the VIIIth isn't a space marine. He's a big ball.

[@jonslg240]

You absolutely should have put a side-by-side of contemporary figures pictures alongside their portraits, using pictures where they're at the same angle.. like Lyndon BJ's.. also The Queen of England & Churchill's

[@deadaccount6436]

Bro u need to make vids about plane crashes

[@Offramp-z7p]

The Queen "I very much enjoyed watching you mix your colors". Hilarious. Now that woman was a diplomat.

[@americanhat3766]

3:22 this is genuinely such a good picture what in the fresh hell was Lyndon B. Johnson on about?

[@Kamina1703]

He was probably thinking more along the lines of his head combo with Steve Reeves or johnny Weissmullers' body. Loincloth optional.

[@AnotherPointOfView944]

You know LBJ was famous for bragging about the size of his 'Johnson'. Especially at the office urinal. He probably wanted it to feature prominently in the portrait.

[@soldiah]

Dude looks a bit like Kevin Spacey

[@ryanbauer3680]

@AnotherPointOfView944 That's technically historically inaccurate. For the record, he refereed to it as "Jumbo".

[@Noxx55]

Lyndon B. Johnson was a noted asshole.

[@jalemccormick3284]

"A remarkable example of modern art" is the best insult to a painting ever

[@justinklenk]

The English art of dry wit is... well - _remarkable._ 👍

[@pyro-millie5533]

Absolutely *SCATHING*

[@arthuruppiano3211]

"You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece"--Sgt. Hartman, Full Metal Jacket.

[@kathrineici9811]

I love elizabeth’s reaction that’s 100% grandma coded

[@jacobsan]

British royalty arent supposed to be rude, its a subtle way of saying it

[@tessat338]

There is no contemporary report that Anne of Cleves did not resemble her portrait or that she wasn't attractive. It was just that she and Henry didn't click at first sight and he couldn't forgive her for not recognizing him or being impressed by him. He set up a very stupid surprise "meet cute" and was offended that she didn't play along with his romantic vignette. She wasn't expecting to see him at that place, she hadn't been prepared by her entourage to expect this sort of thing, he wasn't introduced to her as the king, and she didn't speak English well enough to understand just what was going on. She was offended when some great big, fat stranger stepped up and took the liberty of touching her royal person and kissing her without permission or an introduction. The misunderstanding was quickly sorted out but they got off on the wrong foot at the very beginning, and never really got on the right foot during the whole course of their betrothal and marriage. The report that she was ugly, or that Henry referred to her as a "Flanders mare," came from the writings of later 18th and 19th century historians, who had a bad habit of just making up anecdotes about historical figures.

[@Stjorn]

hating your own face crosses generations.

[@Mygg_Jeager]

>123 likes Nice

[@knurlgnar24]

No, I'm pretty sure once I'm gone no one will care about my stupid face anymore.

[@jonslg240]

The Vatican likely hated the Black faces rather than anything else 😂 When was the first time they had a black nun at the Vatican again? Have they? What about a black pope?

[@jonslg240]

​@@knurlgnar24 people are too busy looking at themselves in a mirror/selfiecam to even care about your "stupid" face now 😂😂

[@darksu6947]

I'm beautiful. What's wrong with you guys?

[@benmcreynolds8581]

Holy shit Henry's Body Armor is hilarious. The Hyper Pronounced Bubble where his Balls should be, broke me 😂 lol *That wedding must be the first recorded catfishing event & especially the first catfishing event that lead to marriage..

[@knurlgnar24]

It's called a codpiece. It was common at the time and not an exaggeration.

[@stevenschnepp576]

​@@knurlgnar24 Oh, I'd say those codpieces were exaggerated.

[@Skorpychan]

Such was the fashion at the time! It's not like he was expected to actually lead troops in battle, being the king and all and also too busy trying to conceive a son, but so it was mostly like having a really fancy custom car you never drive and just show off.

[@artbk]

Some codpieces were exaggerated to avoid touching the wearers "jewels", as those were commonly affected by syphilis. Some were justenlargwd for the fashion sense, tho.

[@budwyzer77]

Henry VIII literally made wearing codpieces larger than his punishable by death.

[@dyingscarlet]

I'm immediately reminded that Oliver Cromwell would specifically request his painters to draw all the ugly spots and scars on his face because despite him being a tyrant, he valued realism over obsequiousness.

[@screamingseal4805]

People still make fun of him being ugly but mf was just a normal looking British man

[@eddiebingbong7977]

Obsequiousness, nice 👌

[@michaelg4931]

@@screamingseal4805 "...was just a normal looking British man." So you're saying he WAS ugly... 😜

[@onlinecommentator2616]

And he was a great friend of art in Britain.

[@hedgeearthridge6807]

Cromwell was a tyrant? By definition he was a military dictator but he only used his power to oppress and fight the legitimately evil tyrants. There's a lot of nuance there and of course British history is only slightly less convoluted and confusing than Balkan history. 😂

[@DC-id2ih]

Huh! am surprised by LBJ's reaction to the painting...It seems like a perfectly fine, respectful, and dignified portrait of a US president ....

[@johnwicked1132]

Yep, whilst Elizabeths was absolutely horrible

[@OkieOtaku]

Hell, so good I recognized who it was right away

[@budwyzer77]

Yeah, LBJ wasn't really into the whole respectful/dignified thing. Just listen to the phone recording of him ordering Haggar pants.

[@JustWowNick]

He was disappointed that it didn’t include his Johnson.

[@indigocoolvinyl00]

Queen Elizabeth II in response to the worst painting ever conceived: Polite, never letting the artist know she didnt like it Lyndon B Johnson in response to a masterpiece that painted him in the best light possible: What a load of shite

[@RAFMnBgaming]

"my favourite bit was the bit where you weren't making it" being subtle is certainly one interpretation of the word "subtle".

[@Kragith]

You have the perfect type of voice for this. Like an adorable wee leprechaun hiding away a pot of gold.

[@SlickArmor]

My father worked for American Greetings Corporation when the Secret Service came in and wanted their best printer to print LBJ's Christmas cards. They pointed to my father and family history was made. They collected the printing plate, leftover ink and all the scrap cards before leaving.

[@ct6502c]

3:38 What was his problem with that painting? It actually made him look good. In real life, he was a lousy president.

[@robubble]

4:56 Renaming the painting was a stroke of genius. Smart worker 😄

[@MegaProto]

never saw a video say "uploaded 8 seconds ago" before that was one hell of a refresh timing

[@Josep_Hernandez_Lujan]

I thought 9 minutes was fast lol

[@LordJimsworth]

Cap

[@marksnay6315]

Specially good when its a qxir

[@Chris-nn3vu]

​@@marksnay6315*especially* illiterate muricans 🙄

[@nirosolis485]

Every time you release a video, I look at the title and think, "That sounds like a stupid topic." I'm happy to say that I've never been disappointed though. You have quite a knack for expounding upon odd stories and topics.

[@Sailrjup12nh]

Interesting fact. Anne of Cleves was not ugly. She was tall, slim, tan and nice countenance. Her nose was a little big but she was by no means ugly. It turns out that when Anne arrived Henry came up behind her and put his arms around her in a surprise show of courtly love. Anne didn’t recognize him and acted cold. By this time Henry was Middle aged and had put on weight. She apologized saying it was a mistake but Henry’s bruised ego led to him telling anyone who would listen what an ugly sow she was. She probably got lucky quite frankly. Lol

[@FishVETTE]

Always a good day when you drop a vid

[@tyrothethird3081]

6:42 fun fact: there was a documentary made about Picasso when he was still alive in which he painted several new paintings on camera, all of which were destroyed after filming.

[@asheep7797]

Ooh thats cool

[@sirpsychosussy]

What a quote from Henry. I think I'll start using "now it is too far gone, wherefore I am sorry" in my day-to-day speech.

[@devincasebeer4459]

"Complicating the artists job is the idea that a great artist is supposed to capture not only their subject, but their character as well. So what do you do when a *BIG FAT BASTARD* comes and tells you to capture his heroic essence in all its glory?" Oh QXIR...never change.

[@connormclernon26]

Which is why my favorite part had to do with Winston Churchill

[@Josep_Hernandez_Lujan]

And now people are using all kinds of filters and whatnot for their pictures on social media. Some things never change.

[@ct6502c]

There used to be something called the "MySpace angle" where people would take selfies by holding the camera a certain angle above their heads to try to make themselves look thinner 😂

[@pyro-millie5533]

Back in the victorian times, people were already editing their photos with paint and stuff XD Bernadette Banner has a video about it

[@crazy_mister_sketch2057]

As an artist myself, the guy who painted the supper was real as fuck for that! He had his vision, knew it made sense and changed the story behind it rather than the painting itself. And he was right too because the painting is fire 🔥 🔥 🔥

[@jeffreese1828]

Right on , he merely renamed it ! Boss move . The Easily Duped Inquisition !

[@JFJD]

It’s hard to say whether they were “duped” or not-that “it’s canonically accurate” bit that Qxir had the guy say was probably accompanied by some handwaving, in a “the guy fixed it up enough, so let it be” manner.

[@jiggsborah7041]

It probably WILL be on fire sometime in the future

[@fds7476]

"Why the hell did you put _three Christs_ in it?!"

[@eddiebingbong7977]

As a piss artist I just almost set myself on fire 🔥 🔥🔥🔥😳

[@OmegaTou]

Sounds like the Churchill portrait was too accurate for the old git to handle.

[@charlessaint7926]

"I hate my portrait!" "Then do it yourself, ya dunce!"

[@masteronone2079]

I only paint portraits of myself. Unfortunately, I'm not one to flatter my sitter.

[@AndersPack]

Here's a small contribution for your next bottle of preferred "completely black out drunk happiness"!

[@chrisball3778]

Anne of Cleves doesn't actually look that different in her other portraits, and seems to have been regarded as pretty good looking by the people who met her. Historians have suggested that Henry was making excuses and trying to cast blame when he said that she wasn't as attractive as her portrait. The marriage was a political one negotiated by Henry's advisors, aimed at gaining support in Germany, and it's possible Henry just changed his mind and didn't want to go through with it any more. He may have been a disgusting, wife-murdering creep, but Henry thought of himself as a romantic hero. He'd already met Catherine Howard, who would go on to be his next wife by the point Anne turned up, and he might have had his eye on her instead. Anyway, things actually worked out pretty well for Anne. Her marriage to Henry was annulled. She was given a generous pension and several big houses, and was allowed to carry on living in England.

[@LagrangePoint0]

She was pretty, imo

[@zipityzap7675]

bro got cat fished,

[@freddymars2014]

That Queen Elizabeth II portrait was HORRIBLE lmao

[@y_fam_goeglyd]

Poor woman was obliged to sit for countless portraits commissioned by other people (I'm not sure how it worked. Undoubtedly King Charles will be equally obliged). She was renowned for her tact... 😂

[@LucasProgeny]

True, yet it did quite accurately capture her inner self.

[@Mark_nobody3]

Elizabeth is polite, but she knows he tried his best

[@ferretyluv]

@@LucasProgenyHow would you know she was ugly on the inside? Do you work for the royals or something? She’s never seemed anything other than nice to everyone, even Trump.

[@robert9016]

@@y_fam_goeglydSomehow, I think he’ll be ok.

[@Bibidybobidy]

I like how you incorporated the paintings into your work. Great topic, too.

[@trj1442]

One of your best Qxir. I don't take selfies and particularly never post my face on the internet, partlty because of my fear of developing face recognition technology, and partly because I'm so much more handsome in my own mind than I appear in photos.

[@EricckkMoneyy7777NGLBruhh]

Churchill's painting 🎨 really looked like if Babe the Pig had an old baby with Rosie O'Donnell. 😅😅😅

[@22Tesla]

Yeah, it's not flattering at all. But we can laugh at how he responded to it

[@EricckkMoneyy7777NGLBruhh]

@@22Tesla indubitably!

[@Wooargh]

churchill was literally the greatest politician of all time you racist

[@22Tesla]

@@Wooargh Hey, relax. No one here said anything in the slightest about his character, it was at that painting of his.

[@LagrangePoint0]

@@Wooargh he was a huge racist.

[@dezertraider]

YOUR ARTWORK IS #1 in my book..fantastic story teller..

[@prfwrx2497]

"the painting looked like a royal corgi that suffered a stroke" Lmao

[@jlyn8228]

Your videos on average get over 100x my city's population, and yet it's still just a handful of people in today's age. Great perspective juice, keep it up!

[@TheKidWithTheAfro]

i love how you post all the things i ponder when mildly stoned

[@Schnoizl]

i love this dude's humor and doodles, cracks me up every time👌

[@Alan-in-Bama]

I really like your drawings… especially the ones with the skiing Finnish soldier tripping on Meth ! 😂 I’m a bit of an amateur artist myself since high school (a couple decades ago).

[@pyro-millie5533]

Omg that’s one of my favorite Qxir vids XD dude was TRIPPING BALLS

[@westonlong]

I love that you used the Cassidy by Glenn Fabry painting. Preacher is probably the best thing I've ever read and Cassidy was my favorite character.

[@noahlangdonreidy882]

1:56 So your saying that they were cat fishing in the Middle Ages 😂

[@deletdis6173]

Yep 😂 Nothing new under the sun 😂

[@CharlieMile]

I remember John Cleese and Eric Idle did a sketch about an alternative last supper, never knew there actually was one as they described 🤣

[@BasicallyBaconSandvichIV]

The best response to a terrible painting is: "It would stand out in any museum it would be present in." Sounds really nice, in reality it means you think it's so terrible that people could not avert their eyes at it's astounding lack of quality.

[@JepMasta]

4:00 - this reminds me of that famous Monty Python sketch where the pope gets angry at Michelangelo for drawing the last supper with 38 disciples and three Christs. So Michelangelo says “we call it the last… but one supper”

[@TroubleToby3040]

Been looking for this comment. It can't be coincidence. Must have inspired the sketch. 👍👍👍

[@forickgrimaldus8301]

TBF apparently before he became Obess and Old, Henry VIII was built like a tank and was reportedly strong which makes sense as he fought wars on France before the Scandals.

[@Skorpychan]

What scandals? He got injured in a hunting accident, and they decided that the best way to deal with his wound was to keep it open. For years. He never lost his appetite, and nobody was going to tell the king to eat less.

[@LagrangePoint0]

@@Skorpychan but was he originally built like a tank tho?

[@Skorpychan]

@@LagrangePoint0 IIRC, he was renowned for being strong and active when he was young, so likely. It's been a while since I dug into the Tudor era, though.

[@LagrangePoint0]

@@Skorpychan Thanks for the info.

[@timhinchcliffe5372]

If he just painted Churchill with a glass of whisky and a Cuban cigar (Churchill naturally), it would of give over better.

[@timhinchcliffe5372]

Churchill cigars go for AU$150 (US$100) here.

[@dylanfrancis1378]

Weird how you used to post weekly like you said and got millions on views and now you struggle to break 150k and barely post. Please upload more we love your work man. We’re still here.

[@hamaljay]

4:22 I guess he didn't expect the Inquisition.

[@dadsonion5292]

No one expects the inquisition!

[@alankeith7866]

As always Mr. Qxir, another great video!! One of my most favorite videos from you is the trial of the dead Pope. (Catholic Church)... I've seen this one about fifty times now. Thank you for your wonderful work!!!

[@foolishus]

3:16 Qxir definitely got an inflatable dartboard and is still a little annoyed about it.

[@lozeldatkm]

After my sword instructor was killed, someone painted a life size portrait of him which was cool that someone did it, and it was displayed at his old shop, but everyone had to hide their resentment for it. It was kinda hideous. It's still up in a little pub area at the renfaire, where people mostly have no idea who it's a painting of anymore.

[@chongetsu2362]

I appreciate your videos and love each of them thank you so much for not quitting youtube :D

[@thetayz72]

I didn't even think the Lyndon B. Johnson portrait looked bad at all! It's good!

[@neskey]

this video, man! you must've worked hard on these drawings, your admirable spirit never fails to impress me, thank you!

[@sprintershepherd4359]

Australia's richest woman (Gina Rinehart ) hates her portrait and wanted it removed from the Australian art museum . They said no . now everyone in Australia has seen her portrait and loves it but hates her guts

[@mephistowwww8816]

I've known this man decades. He is primary advisor to my intergalactic PMC and has single handedly won 2 space wars.

[@StaticFreq]

You absolutely make my day, sir!

[@Rhyzomect]

even though i get consistently flashbanged by your videos I will always be subbed

[@doctormahrio5226]

You really have to love Qxir. He not only gives good history lessons but slaps us to the reality of these historical figures personalities

[@Maree_CK]

I love your wretched artwork!

[@odinfromcentr2]

5:41 - You mean Winnie _wasn't_ a down-and-out drunk by that point? 🤣

[@Interference22]

0:15 Lovely bit of Glenn Fabry art there. His cover art for Hellblazer and Preacher are the stuff of legend.

[@facelessplace953]

Thank you for subtitles Qxir, it is much appreciated!

[@w.loczykij5354]

Well finally. A new episode. And a good one too.

[@ranchopatriot]

06:20 Yikes!

[@weniard]

Your drawings are always the best !

[@jonaskinner5273]

I once painted a portrait of my (ex-) girlfriend, which took many hours and turned out actually great, but once showing it to her on her birthday, she laughed at it and showed it to her mom to make her laugh aswell. Another masterpiece - and ego - lost in history.

[@somedumbskrub]

One of my favourite KZbinrs

[@BenjaminDalzell]

Love your vids brother. Always entertaining. I’ve been a subscriber for years and I’m yet to see a bad vid. Thanks for all your work.

[@foxtailedcritter]

1:45 Thou has misrepsented thou profile picture in the dating sceane

[@emilyadams3228]

Swipeth thou left, with greate hafte.

[@Holyduck777]

King Henry VIII getting catfished is my favourite historical fact

[@Estolcles]

@6:36 You know quite a few people would actually pay for a Qxir Original in the style of your KZbin videos of themselves. They send in a pic, and you mail them an original of them. Man, if you have time, you have a small side hustle/added revenue stream right there.

[@spitfire_2]

I’ll take one!

[@randybonney2082]

I’ll take one too!

[@TheLakabanzaichrg]

Yeah why not?

[@phpART]

Great video as always. My favorite channel right now!! ❤

[@thevenator3955]

4:30 I love how their anger isn’t at him depicting just drunk people, but drunk Germans specifically.

[@pogmaster6961]

As a art major I can feel this

[@Leatherargento]

Thank you! This one was extra-fun!

[@johnharris7191]

I like your artistic style. It's always as good as the story.

[@penguinfromtheholy]

Your videos always make me happy Brother 😊 A Qxir drawb portrait would slap 😂

[@daemonburns-waight2421]

5:44 He um.. He *was*, wasn't he?

[@pooki-dooki]

He was offended that the artist captured his essence too perfectly.

[@connormclernon26]

He pretty much was down and out by that point

[@spitfire_2]

I love your artwork!

[@Shakti700]

Bro, this was fire, as always🔥

[@DK-yr2po]

A masterpiece. As always.

[@martincattell6820]

They were all great. If I was Queen, and somebody made me look like David Attenborough, I would be like fair play, cheers Lucien.

[@orderofmagnitude-TPATP]

OI QXIR WHAT IS THE MEANING OF CARTOON DRAWING ME AT 0:36??? Didn't even get the good side of my nose!

[@Leatherargento]

Nose Guy, you are fascinating (looking).

[@727Phoenix]

Growing up as a young aspiring artist I never got into drawing portraits. Because I was smarter than that!

[@beagleissleeping5359]

Heard someone ponder: If the Hapsburg family jaw looked that pronounced in their portraits, how bad was it in real life? 😳

[@ArchangelExile]

Meanwhile, today, I'd say that most people hate pictures of themselves, especially in their driver's licenses.

[@john-carl2054]

3:47 that painting is ahead of its time. I like it

[@litterpicker1431]

Today, I learned that Monty Python's Penultimate Supper sketch is based on fact...

[@andymouse]

Your cartons are not just national treasures they are treasures of the entire world, we need to blast some into space and see what comes back.

[@dashingdahlias8873]

3:53 This isn't the last supper This is the PENULTIMATE SUPPER!

[@qdHazen]

To quote a Monty Python sketch: "The Last Supper was a significant event in the life of our Lord; the penultimate supper was not... even if they had a conjurer and a mariachi band..."

[@CHENEYMANIA]

3:45 LBJ actually rejected the portrait bc the painter omitted Johnson's hog hanging out of his fly, foiling Johnson's plan

[@hamaljay]

He did like showing off his hog didn't he?

[@TheSuperappelflap]

heh, Johnson's johnson

[@capt.bart.roberts4975]

A party isn't partying, unless you've got some passing drunk germans!

[@SlyRocko]

Something related is the series of portraits created by the Indigenous Australian artist Vincent Namatjira. One particular portrait was depicting the mining magnate/heiress, and one of the richest people in the world, Gina Rinehart. She was so offended by it that she kept calling the gallery it was in to remove the painting. The National Gallery of Australia didn't budge to her outcry and kept it up, and her attempts to take it down ended up being international news. The Streisand Effect hits once again.

[@mirochlebovec6586]

Lol the inquisition should have seen the Paris olympics version of the last supper.😂

[@dcorbin5779]

Oh lord man you allways have me laughing at work. This is fantastic

[@grimgrahamch.4157]

Henry getting catfished hundreds of years before dating sites is just hilarious.

[@guyanomaly]

Why would anyone hire Lucian Freud to paint the Queen and expect it to be flattering? Did they not look him up beforehand?

[@jeffreese1828]

I did like this one , as did Qxir himself , apparently ! He was cracking up through the whole thing ! Lol. Good one , mick ! (Natch !) 👍🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻