PETER SELLERS - 'Balham - Gateway To The South' - 1958

Explore SW12 - American travelog style!

[@brianletter3545]

When I was a student in Glasgow, in the early 1960s, life was very much like that image of 'Balham', dead quiet! Particularly on a Sunday. It was a hangover from WWII. The idea of doing anything but surviving had died out during that period. This attitude faded by the '60s when music suddenly revived - wonderful days!

[@andrewmurray5542]

Ha ha! I always say "Bal-Ham! Gateway to the South!" If I'm ever in the train passing through the station. I get some odd looks but also the occasional look of recognition and a wry smile.

[@maldonboy1]

Sometime in 1990 or 91 when I was 13, I saved up bottle tops from Merrydown Cider and sent them off for a Comedy cassette this was on it along with The Two Ronnie's sing along to The Nutcracker Suite and one of my favourites was Rowan Atkinson as a School Master pronucing to a parent that his Son was dead...

[@gregm4549]

The true pioneers of today’s comedy. The pronunciation of Bal Ham was a standing joke in our house. Feeling nostalgic for my big brother, 8 years older than me, who introduced me to so many cool things

[@anthonypell819]

97

[@Organise_Space]

Listening to this was my childhood :--) thanks to my lovely Dad

[@saltburner2]

Good to see the original 10" Parlophone pressing. It was later re-issued as a 12" disc.

[@G6JPG]

Yes, we had it, with the picture of him polishing his Rolls hood ornament. With the non-centred run-out groove (as shown).

[@terryplatt]

I'm fortunate enough to have lived in Bal Ham for the last 33 years. A few years ago, a proposal was put to Wandsworth Council to have a statue of Peter Sellers erected in the high street. They rejected this on the grounds that Peter was not a fit person to represent the parish, due to his womanising and sometimes unpleasant attitude to those who came into contact with him. Such a shame. In my mind, the statue exists, and I see it every time I pass Balham station.

[@margondine]

What a missed opportunity!!

[@SM-dt1pr]

He was a terrible person, but there are plenty of statues to much, much worse...

[@heathstjohn6775]

"Statue's off, dear": (3'48''): as long as the politically IN-' correct ' are always elected to write the menu. Also, no one's noticed, at 5'30"-5'34'', the old ''...night ' draws ' on...'' joke, that was once banned by the BBC. Thanks.

[@happy.uk.patriot]

And we chance upon the magnificent brornze statue of one of the famous sons of Bal Ham as we board the 11.45 to Mornington Crescent. Home to such wildlife as Columba livia domestica, and Tardus merula, this sage green erection of Peter Sellers dominates the skyline affront the splendid Victorian entrance to the netherworld of Bal Ham.

[@billharris-tenor4354]

I agree! Balham wouldn't have the popularity had it not been for Peter Sellers

[@suecia1128]

Memory of Mr. Cliff Earlie.....great teacher at Gascoigne Senior school, 1960's deceased now but remembered well by his students. He once played this for us and it has stuck in my memory every since. RIP Mr. Earlie.

[@dhpbear2]

2:55 - "This is Eugene Quills, whose weekly recitals are attended by a vast concord of people. He has never had a lesson in his life. Such is the enthusiasm of Balham's music lovers that they are subscribing to a fund to send Eugene to Italy. Or Vienna. Or anywhere..."

[@G6JPG]

It was a tweet on a similar theme on The Archers that brought me back to this! "Or … anywhere" became a catchphrase with us, and I'm sure many others.

[@aCivilServant]

3:28 "From Quills Folly, Bal-Ham's famous beauty spot which stands nearly 10 feet above sea level, the town is spread below us like a fairyland of glittering lights."

[@G6JPG]

Green, amber, red, red-and-amber, and back again to green … (yet another bit I often wonder how many people get!)

[@susanmoran5226]

I planned to go to Bal ham for my holiday this year. Dam Covid 19. I was looking forward to it.

[@morganfisherart]

Wow! Wiki says the sketch was scored by Ron Goodwin, and that led Alfred Hitchcock to engage him to do the score for Frenzy.

[@mikewebster5597]

I live near Brixham..."Gateway To The South West" as I call it! Great to hear this gem again.

[@Doctor_Kissworthy]

I never noticed the frequent mention of the Quills family members, past and present! ...

[@TrevorKeenAnimation]

Loved tis as a kid, even before I knew Balham was a real place.

[@RealUnimportant]

Have lived in Balham. Can confirm all of this.

[@iainnunn5023]

Missing the best bit. "We now enter old Bal Ham. Time has passed by old Bal Ham. So shall we."

[@davidrichardstanhope]

I think it's "Time has passed by this ancient corner"

[@peterward2275]

Why, you are right! I wonder why that is missing?

[@kyawkyawwin1]

Still fresh to this very day.

[@Carole19561]

We used to listen to this & Aunty Rotter on records when we were young & just emigrated out from England to Australia in 1959, before television became available over here absolutely love it, true classic Best of British comedy.

[@robertmwoodley1502]

Television was available from 1956 in Australia!

[@YorkyOne]

@@robertmwoodley1502 The BBC began broadcasting a regular channel in 1932. There had been various experimental broadcasts during the 1920's.

[@G6JPG]

@@robertmwoodley1502 Perhaps not everywhere?

[@marktuffield6519]

My mother had the record on Parlophone Australia and brought it with her when we came to the UK in 1965, I have it with me now 🙂

[@markiangooley]

Written by Muir and Norden, not surprisingly, according to its Wikipedia page...

[@SuperPanda1971]

Brilliant stuff! I think me and my husband have been in The El Morocco Tea Rooms more than once!

[@DSDMovies]

I visted Balham for the first time over 15 years after hearing this. It lives up to the hype.

[@ricklangley3438]

I'm sorry I missed the talks by Viscountess Lewisham and Mrs. Gerald Legge at the rally in Berkeley Square. I'm sure they would have been worth hearing. Up the ruling classes!

[@worddoctor1]

"Does ya good to have a fling occasionally."

[@postscript67]

I have a cd of this and other Sellers tracks. This one is credited to Frank Muir and Denis Norden, and also "Goodwin". I presume that is composer Ron Goodwin and not Denis Goodwin who co-wrote the Sellers track "Auntie Rotter" with Bob Monkhouse.

[@neildahlgaard-sigsworth3819]

There is a film version of this - saw it one lunch time and was almost late back to school. A classic send ip of the travelogue films of the period.

[@heathstjohn6775]

Was that film made by Sellers, please ? I don't know of it at all.

[@losttango]

​@@heathstjohn6775 Directed by Micky Dolenz, formerly of The Monkees and featuring a young Robbie Coltrane.

[@cherylannebird]

Thanx! Not heard this for about 30 years! So cool!

[@Frege100]

I once asked a young lady on Bedford Hill for "Battersea Park" she looked a me quizzically before informing me that she "If its the other way you're after try Clapham Common". I think this record may have been responsible for the notorious Balham Triangle.

[@femcymoedd535]

I grew up not far from Bal-ham and used to go to the annual horse show on 'Clarm' common. Happy days!

[@ernie880]

Tooth brush holesmanship... Brilliant!

[@kiethblack3870]

That 'toothbrush holesmanship' has always been my favourite! Who THINKS UP this stuff? HA HA HAAAAA!! 🙂

[@G6JPG]

Yes, who wrote the script - Sellers himself? I know he did all the accents, one of the things he was known for, but I don't know if he wrote the words. (After reading more replies:) Frank Muir and Denis Norden.

[@Olaf1able]

'Toothbrush holesmanship'- classic Peter Sellers. Introduced to me by an old school mate, good to hear it again.

[@G6JPG]

"The holes are put in manually - that is to say, once a year." Priceless.

[@peterpiper482]

Forgot how good this was!

[@martinwatson6806]

Eugene Quills’ piano mastery sounds familiar. Producer George Martin would contribute similarly manic tinkling of ivories to the dying notes of The Beatles’ ‘Tomorrow Never Knows’.

[@G6JPG]

According to another post here, it's "I'm walking backwards for Xmas", so has a right to sound familiar!

[@stolly57]

I remember "borrowing" this record from my brothers room many, many years ago, I still love it, the reason that I was directed here was that I put in another Sellers classic, but it hasn't come up and I am wondering if anybody else knows where I might find it, it's Sellers telling the story, on The Parkinson Show I think, of "The Balham Basher", I am smiling now as I write this just hearing the punchline again in my head. hope someone can help.

[@pix046]

Toothbrush holesmanship was strictly demarcated by the unions at the time in Balham. If a toothbrush holesmanship worker was asked to do toothbrush bristlemanship by the management a strike would immediately be called.

[@Toolpusher]

I had ambitions to be a Toothbrush Holesman years back, but they offshored the production from here in Scotland to Puerto Rico. The costs might be a third of what they are here, but the holes aren't nearly as precise. :(

[@crossleydd42]

There was also a nasty strike when the toothbrush holes went from Imperial to decimal size. Very ugly scenario: they moved the factory abroad, in the end, to Clapham North!

[@dixonpinfold2582]

@@crossleydd42 "Abroad" 😆!

[@G6JPG]

There are elements of truth in what you say; one of Peter Sellers' films (I'm all right, Jack) was about such industrial relations, among other things! (As was "Carry on at your convenience" some years later.)

[@Jamesp1972]

BRILLIANT thanks

[@ericwhite8010]

Ron Goodwin's El morroco tea rooms actually came out on a rare Parlophone 45!

[@bbtablet]

Eric - many thanks for posting this - I have been trying to find that piece of music since the Peter Sellers record was first released - i.e. for 65 years! I have contacted all sorts of people and organisations but always drawn a blank, most of them saying it was just a short piece of incidental music written for the LP that had no length beyond the faded out piece we hear on the LP and so not a "real" tune. And then bang! - here is your comment! I have now found the 45 in question on KZbin and have saved it to my RealPlayer. It has a slightly different backing but nonetheless it is a great memory jogger for me. Thank You!

[@heathstjohn6775]

Hello. It was released on Parlophone's red label, R4760, two years later, in '61'. It was the B side to ' Venus Waltz '. Thanks. I never knew. I'm so glad it wasn't '' Off '': (5'30-5:34").

[@fredsr44]

Thanks, VinylFun, for posting this. How about some from "Songs for Swingin' Sellers" (my favorites: So Little Time, Lord Badminton's Memoirs, The Critics, Shadows on the Grass).

[@simongleaden2864]

Peter Sellers was such a talented comedy performer! A shame a died at a relatively young age.

[@crossleydd42]

In this instance, the rest of the LP, first 12" than, later, 10", was not really funny!

[@G6JPG]

@@crossleydd42 There was much that wasn't, but this wasn't the _only_ good track. The political speech ("what about the workers"), that masterfully succeeds in not actually saying anything, is another good one.

[@crossleydd42]

@@G6JPG I've just listened to it and agree with you. It's just like any politician, be it then or now!

[@losttango]

​​@@G6JPGI liked it all when I was a wee nipper. "Three folk songs, recorded in hi-fi", "Aunty Rotter", "Trumpet Volunteer", "I'm So Ashamed"... "Balham..." was the highlight, for sure. I used to be able to recite it all the way through as a schoolboy...

[@simonhodgetts6530]

Wonder if this was the inspiration for Telly Savalis’ brilliant films introducing British cities (Birming-ham being a notable one) from the 1970s?

[@vmkkith]

I'm on Balham now on my first ever visit and all I can think of is this. I love the Bluebottle toothbrush sequence and the piano recitle being "I'm walking backwards for Xmas"

[@G6JPG]

I hadn't noticed that! "Or … anywhere" is another meme that our family, and I'm sure many others, used.

[@crossleydd42]

.....across the Irish Sea! Comes to me after 50 years!

[@jeffblack5024]

Used to live near Crystal Palace park and had this in my head every time the train passed through Bal Ham, which has a Sainsbury's nowadays.

[@aartvegan]

One of my favourites.

[@VinylFun]

Holy of Highs! At last we all know. You're a hero....PL Bollox!!!

[@sandrateager]

Very enjoyable!! Glad you shared that with me my dear friend!!! =)

[@michaelcancerfree]

I love my UK

[@InACountryGarden]

'BalHAM' & 'BuckingHAM Palace' - oh I *do* so love the Americans!! ,-)

[@auntieprawnful]

Apparently it says the Ooni of Ife (he mispronounces it) which refers to the title of a Nigerian traditional leader......

[@pab70]

This is great. Cooking apples!

[@jrgboy]

Written by Frank Muir & Denis Norden & produced by George Martin, who speaks one line.

[@alinetayar8713]

I am so glad you remembered. There is no acknowlegement on this clip.

[@heathstjohn6775]

I didn't know, till I read your comment. Another on here has written Martin was the Undertaker.

[@G6JPG]

I came back here after kzbin.info/www/bejne/fnfTn5yhr7apra8, where I'd just told them about this, and had to listen through again with a silly smile on my face. And I notice this otherwise excellent transcription has a skip at about 3:40, in "green, amber".

[@colinhart9611]

Some smart Alec on Nationwide used the track to head up a local election report from Balham. Anyone remember it?

[@momakesgoodmeatloaf]

i like this. its cool

[@markchapman6800]

Do the good burghers of Bal Ham curse this sketch? The place name was an answer in a crossword I did just now, and I immediately thought of this.

[@richardbrown1189]

I want to know what became of Viscountess Lewisham and Mrs. Gerald Legge!

[@playgirlc]

I was born in "bal ham" and I approve

[@geoff2204]

Apparently Benny Hill and Michael Bentine did some of the voices. I'm thinking MB was the customer at the El Morocco Tearoom. Benny Hill...I'll listen again very carefully.

[@postscript67]

I believe they were in the first radio broadcast, but when this recording was made for release on record, Sellers did all the voices apart from the undertaker, who was George Martin.

[@simon201063]

@jrgboy Cremations conducted with decorum and taste

[@jeffstone2136]

*BAL HAM*

[@lionelbrandon626]

does anyone know the name of the tune played at the El Morocco tea room

[@heathstjohn6775]

There's a comnent on here to say it was released on a 45, by Ron Goodwin. You might try ' Discogs '.

[@G6JPG]

They would indeed spell it "travelog"!

[@oliva77]

I'd buy an album of Eugene Quill's piano mastery. Can I interest any music producers?

[@johncasper8031]

In the 1950s half an acre was the area of two building blocks.

[@losttango]

Or half a football pitch. It presumably still is....

[@fredsr44]

Ha! Just compared "Toothbrush Holesmanship" at 1:18 to this recent BBC effort. Sellars had the style nailed in 1958. facebook.com/photo.php?v=10152539428340659&fref=nf

[@adrianoclincho1852]

Very good I think when Peter went to the USA he changed never as funny and he was a better actor in the UK too oh well that's life!

[@couldrey47]

Who has the video? I remember seeing it on TV at some point.

[@MrSidTaylor]

An obvious imitation of James A. Fitzpatrick's Traveltalks

[@VinylFun]

Just played it ten times, and I too haven't a clue!. Sounds like 'holy advice', whatever that is

[@isme16]

is balham is so bloody small dono how he gets so uch out of it lol btw i do live ther

[@Guugleable]

SO FUNNY

[@jrg135]

@cowesontheisland I think he is mispronouncing 'his holiness' meaning the pope.

[@philfletcher3434]

This aspect of English life is now as dead as the DO-DO.

[@MyFriendlyCrow]

🤣