Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World Part 1 - How To Identify A Narcissist

Are you living with a Narcissist? Find out all about Narcissistic Personality Disorder on Dr. Phil’s new mental health podcast series, “Phil in the Blanks: Toxic Personalities in the Real World.”
Listeners will learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder; how to recognize it, establish boundaries, and how to co-exist with those in your life who may have it with tools and guidelines that can help minimize damage to oneself and loved ones. Then, stay tuned for additional episodes when Dr. Phil addresses other types of Cluster B personalities, like Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoaffective Personality Disorder, and more!
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[@Nessa_1990]

PTSD (or complex trauma) from being with these people is so real.

[@sammyk707]

Yes it certainly is I have developed PTSD from a narcissistic abusive relationship now co parenting. When you build yourself up, have good support and therapy you won’t know yourself anymore. I went from absolute depths of depression, hopelessness ect to now resilient and goal kicking single working mother and Paramedic student. No one is worth your sanity.

[@LadyAbather]

Absolutely. I have C-ptsd. The majority of it caused by 2 narcissistic step father and a mother who allowed it. Thankfully all of them out of my life for years now. But recovery is certainly taking a bit of time.

[@Nessa_1990]

Thank you both for the responses. I dealt with this as well including my adoptive parents did 17 years, right into a relationship with a sociopath for 2 years. And assault. Thankfully, I was able to use my resilience to help myself. It was not easy leaving any situation. I deal with terrible autoimmune disease and chronic pain that is deteriorating, but I'm very aware.

[@sammyk707]

@@Nessa_1990 I’m very sorry you’ve had to deal with such hardship in your life, that cannot be easy at all. I think it’s important for survivors to support one another and validate each and every experience of such horrendous abuse. I wish you the very best in your recovery and am so very happy you found the courage to leave ❤️ what I do see is that narcissists and sociopaths seem to choose incredibly empathetic, caring, loving and courageous people to try to destroy. I’m not sure what part of the world you are from it from Australia. The internet is an incredible tool for connection!

[@Nessa_1990]

@@sammyk707 well I really appreciate your support and kind words! I'm in Philadelphia (the states).♥️♥️

[@dangriffith2134]

THIS should be taught in health class in high school. Now that we know more about mental health. Taxpayers in public schools should DEMAND it.

[@jennifercameron1536]

Exactly !!

[@paytonplace1966]

We have enough sidewalk psychologists now ..no!

[@dangriffith2134]

Whatever....

[@kats952]

Even when you teach it they can still put on their mask and fool you. They're expert

[@Pixie.Little]

Dan I think having teachings in schools of this subject would be helpful to encourage people to see. I thought I was intelligent enough that I would not be caught out with behaviours of this magnitude. I was so ignorant, nieve and blind. I had manage my traumatic life always stuck climbing to survive abuse, before getting over one hurdle another would occur. Then it creeps up on you like a panther in the dark. Ripping your inner spirit to shreds. It's very frightening and soul destroying to experience, then, when reality sets in its even more scarey than could be imagined. Its a horror story of stories. For me since I've come to see and realise this dangerous pattern of behaviour ongoing from 25 years ago on me. I have dealt with mental and emotional abuse and character assassination, not knowing the whole truth of the assassination on me until two years ago Dec 2019.. I've not known how I've kept it together. I've gone to the depths of despair and back. I've cried buckets of tears. I've cried that much for days I could barely see, my eyes and face was so swollen, and then got a grip. Now I deal with my findings having recognised the behaviours and I'm not struggling to understand anymore. I hope Ive made some sense in my comment here. 🦉💜💛🤔👍💙

[@lizthomas1871]

Not everybody you lose is a loss. Thanks Dr. Phil.

[@rachel4339]

Lose*

[@nelsonnelson6763]

The doc is a nice guy , but his pushing the show a little fast. He wants to retire. WHACHA YOUR STEP! 😳

[@mmommo-hx4dx]

yay

[@Jesus.SaVeS77]

Gdeve. @ Liz T., Amen 2 wat U said. Whew!

[@marioncatherine6502]

@@nelsonnelson6763 . .

[@paey-p3]

A true narcissist is exactly that; too good to be true. If you are a compassionate, empathetic person who is prone to acceptance, forgiveness, and generosity, then narcissists will find you. The problem with identifying narcissists with a check off list is that in the beginning, a narcissist will be everything you want in a partner or close friend. Right from the start, he or she will put you on a pedestal and begin to manipulate your emotions and personality. If you have a dog, he or she will love your dog. If you are a spiritual person, he or she will admire your devotion. Narcissists make us feel special. Unfortunately, the real warning signs of malignant narcissists will only be seen when situations require a certain level of emotional intimacy. Their profound lack of empathy and their inability to take responsibility for their actions may takes some time to present. By that time, the new partner finds him/herself trapped by an insecure, but powerful bond. To avoid getting trapped in the controlling relationship with a narcissist, you have to use your head and not your heart. You shouldn’t look at them as much as you need to look objectively at their surroundings and their histories. Narcissists may have a few superficial friends, but they do not have any long-term, trusted relationships. They also don’t have strong commitments to others, including their parents, siblings, or even their children. What they do have is a history of an insecure attachment with their parents and a wake of casualties, who they blame for all of the problems in every relationship. If the relationship seems to good to be true, then you’re probably dating a narcissist. Additionally, The unwavering support and dedication demonstrated by Metaspyhub@gmail. com have been pivotal in my journey to uncover the painful truth surrounding my partner's infidelity. From the moment I first reached out to them, their professionalism and unwavering commitment to assisting me in finding the answers I desperately sought were readily apparent and highly commendable. Through their swift action and meticulous investigation, They presented me with compelling evidence that left no room for doubt. Armed with this newfound knowledge, I confronted my cheating partner with newfound courage, reclaiming my self-worth and paving the way for a future filled with renewed hope. Throughout this emotionally challenging process, Metaspyhub@gmail. com expertise and unwavering support served as a constant source of strength, offering invaluable guidance and empathetic understanding when I needed it the most. I am profoundly grateful for their unwavering assistance, as it has empowered me to move forward with unwavering determination and newfound resilience.

[@Someuglydude12]

Really ? Go plug that bs email scam somewhere else

[@projectqueen610]

My 6'6" husband would size up to me to feel bigger..your right. I'm too healthy for that nonsense.

[@i_SLY_]

I know a few narcissists and this is on POINT! They, gaslight, they manipulate, and they beat you down into submission. Once they have you fully under control they get bored and cheat or mistreat you depending on the relationship you have with said person and you are completely confused and mentally lost and drained. Thank you, Dr. Phil!

[@karennajera4118]

You just described my mental state at this point . Couldn’t be more drained or confused .

[@i_SLY_]

@Time travel B.C Genesis I have in the past. Its taught me to not be so trusting, but it's hard because I'm a very empathetic person.

[@i_SLY_]

@@karennajera4118 I'm so sorry to hear that. You have people who know what you're going through. If you ever need to talk I'm here.

[@anitaburkett3699]

Thank you so much Dr Phil I have one in my family my grand daughter has practically my empty the bank account by borrowing large sums trying to tell my daughter not to give in give think she's going getting everything you said is right she is the example of what you just been saying I am going to show my daughter Dr Phil and hope it will get to through to her again thank you so much Dr is going to be a big help for my lots of love Anita from the UK

[@igniohealingbringeroftruth9254]

Oh the confusion 😢 it’s horrible to even question urself

[@timewoundsallheels4ever]

I bet, the vast majority of narcissists never even go near a therapist because, by definition, in their views there is nothing wrong with them, it’s always the others’ fault.

[@Sukitbitch123]

That's actually very true. I'm reading a book about the topic and it mentions that therapists usually don't get alot of clients that know that they're narcissists and have the desire to change unless a loved one pressures them into it and they just go to please them

[@kitkat2853]

My Sister has had this personality trait her whole life. Everyone begged her to talk to a counselor. Trouble with that is that she fired everyone of them because she didn't like what they said.

[@missbee9140]

Therapists don’t even want to work with them because they won’t change and instead use the knowledge they gain form therapists to exploit their victims even more and to make themselves feel justified about their behavior. Think Tony Soprano.

[@jessicaextra]

Exactly this. It’s one of the reasons there’s no way to fix them. It’s also scary to think that we really will never know just how many narcs there are because most don’t come forward.

[@rooder7777]

@@kitkat2853 My sister is exactly like yours. Took me 50 years to figure this out.

[@caroldorsett8170]

There are no normal conversations and no normal life with a narcissistic personality.

[@artemisrising1693]

so true!

[@cynthg9547]

My sister just had a break up with the narcissistic she only dated him for a month before he started showing signs

[@thegodblogger3812]

So true, too true

[@chrisb.4323]

@@cynthg9547 Thank goodness she was able to spot it and escape quickly.

[@yanadoesthat]

@@chrisb.4323 exactly i didn’t see it until i was already pregnant smh worse experience ever

[@joeyallen8876]

Thank you for the enlightenment. I was married for 29 years to a narcissist. He beat me and doesn’t own what he did as if it never happened . I now live alone with my three dogs and am so happy.thank you thank you

[@milliehummer4713]

I escaped from narcissist after 30 years of marriage. He beat me late at night because I hadn’t “cleaned” properly! Our children were scapegoat, invisible & the youngest was the golden child. So glad that I’m alive & I didn’t stay for him to murder me. ❤️

[@margiewalker7112]

My husband beat me, ran around on me, and threatened suicide or murder if I dared to leave him. My daughter is even worse than him. I can't be around her.

[@syberphish]

My wife hit me, and she would get in front of me and scream at me to hit her and I'd just not know how to respond to that. It's pretty obvious she needs help. Unfortunately we have a 4 year old daughter in the mix, who she's constantly tryig to emotionally leverage against me, and I just won't play those games. It's bullsh1t. And she acts like none of it has happened. The day after custody court, she invited me for us all to go away camping for the weekend...and we're still right in the middle of a divorce. I requested a no-contact order except through an app called Talking Parents, and it was granted... and she just won't stop trying to talk to me in person, or showing up at random cuz she "needs things" but won't schedule through the app. It's maddening. What sucks is that since I'm a 6'7" guy, and she's a 5'2" girl... no one takes her behavior seriously. If I did half the things she's done I'd be sitting in jail right now, but women do it and people just ignore it. My lawyer wrote 3 letters in the first 2 weeks after court; and she's violated the order 9 times in one month. No one cares, women get away with everything.

[@carolannstevens5814]

I have been married to a narcissist for 35 years and am in the process of getting free. He broke my fingers and I felt trapped as we were in the middle of building a house. How did you finally break away and what was the moment you said you are finished?

[@mgdorin6625]

There is a book called "When Your Lover Is A Liar" by Susan Forward. It describes personalities. An eye opener and beginning to the end.

[@glcollins37355]

The best way to deal with them is avoid them.. run for your life.. literally

[@TikTokinspector]

Thank you

[@LilCaseyCupcake]

“It’s a mental illness that causes them to prey upon other people”…. This helped heal my heart a little ❤️

[@deliajones9541]

Its a demon in a meatsuit!

[@tinawindham6958]

RUN if one sets their sights on you!

[@mbenavidez82]

❤️❤️ hope all is well

[@faithwalkchurch7327]

@@deliajones9541 I 0

[@faithwalkchurch7327]

@@deliajones9541 ì0

[@Jmay411]

It's so important that when you realize they're a narcissist that you get yourself together and stay quiet. Giving them a piece of your mind is educating them, move in silence & never have anything to do with them ever again if possible. No contact is very hard and you will need support to do this but the sooner you accept that they don't care, the less likely you are to attempt to reason with them. Try to go ghost "for no reason" in their eyes. It's the best way to protect yourself while simultaneously injuring their fragile ego. Cut off their supply ✂️ make THEM wonder WTF they did wrong instead of the other way around. If you wanna be the one who got away, you have to get away. 💯 🤫

[@KatjaBaby]

Move in silence is so true 👻 and much safer than confrontation

[@Thespiritleads777]

Holy flying saucers! “If you want to be the one who got away, you have to get away.” Truer words have never been spoken. My hat is off to you. Thank you for that 😊

[@deliajones9541]

100 percent true! You can't tell them what's wrong or discuss or make a point, nothing, just quietly get away, don't look back or try to get revenge , you may get a restraining order, but that feeds them too, get a gun!!

[@Thespiritleads777]

@@deliajones9541 amen

[@MrThejboe3oh5]

If they aren't aware,intentions are good or actually do care, would they still be a narcissist?What if they react in a way because they are maybe depressed, suffer from anxiety,or even possibly an addict and these things take you away from your natural state,then are they still narcissists?I'm just curious if that would seperate a narcissist from what ever other issue they have?

[@cryptoroseaz]

Narcissist is all talk, no action. Facts

[@spindrifter7519]

They are Wolves in Sheep's Clothing. They are great Con Artists. Outside of the home folks think their like Mary Poppins ,Practically Perfect in Every Way, (well my x wife that is) but in the privacy of the home they are Jeckyl & Hyde. The abuse gets worse & worse over time & in the end its like living in a minefield. The biggest giveaway is that they will never accept responsibility for any of their mistakes. I make the joke, "If my wife drove her car into a tree; it would be the tree's fault." No seriously, if they are NEVER WRONG & NEVER SORRY they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

[@reesedaniel5835]

They are just like their father ....(the devil).

[@marciajones2361]

Good one

[@Injusticestinks]

Perfect description… 👍

[@briancaleb6503]

Would not be some one you would want as a leader.

[@vivianmadisonmahoney9457]

Tonite as example. My daughter was getting up for a snack. I heard the crash of dishes breaking. Running out to kitchen to help her clean up. It happened to be one of the new glass storage containers I had recently purchased a set of. I never said a word except "I'm so sorry honey. Be careful being barefooted." She immediately changed the subject blaming me for having fed her dogs in a bowl rather in their regular stainless steel dishes. Need more? She's got 'em a dime a dozen.

[@debbrown995]

My ex-husband is a malignant narcissist - an abusive, alcoholic monster. We've been divorced longer than we were married and he still sends me 10 or 12 page letters about how wonderful he is and why would I kick "a good man" to the curb. I no longer read them. My only way of dealing with this was to leave. My son has not talked to his father in 10 years. And, according to the ex, it's all my fault. I experienced everything Dr. Phil described. One day I just had enough. I called the cops, he got arrested for domestic violence, I got a restraining order and filed for divorce. It was the only way my son and I could survive. Indeed, sometimes losing someone is not a loss.

[@jillianetuk5189]

I am extremally sorry you went through that

[@igniohealingbringeroftruth9254]

Block and delete his number

[@igniohealingbringeroftruth9254]

U don’t need to be reminded whatsoever

[@gaylaaucoin9075]

So. Sorry you. Suffered. But so happy your. Safe and. Free ✝️🛐💕❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@sweetartbloemfontein5332]

OH I FEEL YOU!!!!!

[@wildolive3630]

Once you know, you go. Staying with a narcissist is like dancing with the devil.

[@DS-wh6is]

I got chills reading this.

[@Rgucci7407]

So true……

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

Their the antichrist minions .. disguised as humans 😵‍💫

[@dumblizzie]

@@victoriavitoroulis3273 The one I had contact with was an energy vampire and narcissist. It was disturbing to deal with, their energy was demonic, it had a black aura and I wanted to vomit when near it - my intuition screamed get away from this thing. Totally toxic dumped it and went no contact. It had no empathy or compassion ice cold creature. This was a hard lesson for an empath like me. Had to recharge and heal mind, body and spirit💗💗

[@pamelaz.7659]

I had the same best friend for 47 yrs. I stopped just listening to her and called her out on some of her narcissist BS. A few days later she said I'm not good enough to be her friend. Her exact words. It's been over a yr. since that day and I feel so free from it all. 47 yrs and I don't miss her at all.

[@PrarieWarrior]

We are living in Spiritual Warfare. We can teach our children at home this. Yes, it needs to be taught in school. Thank you Dr. Phil you did an excellent job explaining it to us.

[@lorraine8962]

I speak from experience. Nothing will ever prepare a person for the gas lighting and rage of a Narcissist. Thank goodness for a counselor who has identified this, because I had no clue. I went no contact 2.5 years ago and it saved my life.

[@almariesimpson7422]

So true! Same here.

[@Angel-xl8pw]

Im struggling with this in my marriage. Having to accept this ia who he is. I started to think ir was really me. Im crazy. Maybe ita my past..maybe I could be a better wife. Then i hear this. 100% true!!!! Its not me!!!!!! I struggle with who be was and who he is. This is mentally taken a toll on me.

[@supernatural2762]

@@Angel-xl8pw oh yes

[@Joshualuv13]

I can so relate.gas lighting, word salad and especially the silent treatment are all so cruel. This behaviour or treatment from ex narcissistic lover ,eventually got me to point of a break down .It's horrendous.

[@janaprocella8268]

It's hard to smother in silence...yes buts it's best...to. ignore them...

[@babyoli]

I cried at 30:00 that is literally what I've gone through for the past 15 years. my mom's boyfriend sexually assaulted me and i went thru deep depression and eventually suicide. for the last 15 years my family had reminded me through gaslighting that I caused the family to break up and fight over this "fake" assault that never happened. Only a year ago did I decide to abandon all relationships with my mom and sisters because of that situation, and to be honest today I couldn't be happier. I'm literally LIVIN!!! 💙🥳 I hope others in this situation can live just as great

[@happydays199]

I can relate to your experience.

[@Peanuts76]

I'm sorry to hear that, i suffer the same as you, but in different stories and situations, I'm still surviving right here, eventho at times i become suicidality....

[@babyoli]

@Melinda Ross for sure! be ur own strength... and find someone who isnt a narcissist and can empathize and not blinded by the truth 😅 sending positive vibes to you!!

[@babyoli]

@@happydays199 hope youre well now ❤

[@babyoli]

@@Peanuts76 oh no! u have to build your own life, dreams and direction. use those bad experiences to ur advantage and embody them as strengths not weaknesses. and exit those toxic people and youll feel lifted. that said... i mean i do have moments where i reflect and cry a bit. but its only momentarily until i remember all of the good things i now live for. hope u can heal and sending love ❤ ping me if u need someone to talk to 🥰

[@brebeccablum4693]

Narcissistic mom survivor. I've given up hope on her. Cut off from her. She was just hurting me but claimed I was a horrible person that is hurting her. Sometimes you just gotta let go of unhealthy people that are not willing to listen and accept people

[@gaylaaucoin9075]

My firstborn daughter is that way she calls my late husband's sister her MOM eye-opener was on. Facebook. Too!!

[@Nessa_1990]

Same.. I was adopted. ♥️

[@shewins3775]

They don’t deserve the mantle of a mother. I cannot stand my narc mother.

[@peacekeeper4092]

My mom too. It’s always about her.

[@thefountainoftruth6286]

I wonder how you would tell when you're accusing your parent of being the narcissist if maybe you're just actually The narcissist instead? How do you tell who's really the problem?

[@twovirginiacats3753]

One of the most important things I have done over the years to help me deal with one particular toxic person in particular was to realize that the way I was handling the situation was not working. Finally, I asked myself "How is it working for you"? After that I began to evaluate his actions and my reactions. I changed my reactions (yes, he was baiting me) and soon he bothered me less and less. He wasn't getting any supply from me, so he went elsewhere.

[@buddhacook1087]

"Narcissist's don't live in the real world." That's so very true Dr Phil, they live in a world where no one is as important as them, where no one else amounts to anything.

[@tas1344]

When I was taking the DSM-5 course in grad school I had a professor who said “the narcissist will only seek help once they’ve lost all of their possessions.” Possessions = trophy wife/husband, big time job, power, money. they see people as chess pieces.

[@amandastein6247]

Yes, that’s called a “narcissistic collapse”. I abruptly left my covert narcissist husband after a 22 year relationship. Witnessed a narcissistic collapse… wow…

[@tas1344]

@@amandastein6247 I’m glad you were able to escape him 🙏🏼

[@tanyalagrone]

Wow that is so true now that you put into perspective like that!!!! Holy wow! When I left my ex and he ended up losing his job, me, and having to move out. He finally had gone to counseling when I had told him through out our relationship because I didn’t know how else to fix our relationship and his cheating ect. But finally Decided when he lost everything and now it makes sense!!!

[@eurokay4755]

My malignant narcissist older brother blew up his local social, professional, business relationships, taking our widowed, enabling mother's reputation down the toilet with him. He abruptly "retired" 10 years early and moved far, far away to live near his only child and her wonderful husband, their kids and her in-laws. I broke off all contact, but Mom says he's working in their family business. My only concern is for my niece. Based on his lifetime pattern, it's likely that he will eventually feel entitled to exercise authority he does not have and to blow up when challenged. She doesn't deserve to have this happen in the world she's worked so hard to build for herself.

[@DAgayton9558]

Your professor is most accurate. Unfortunately, I know this first hand.

[@suzannesparks3588]

My then husband, 4 years into our marriage, was puzzled at something I did, and I replied it was 'out of compassion for others who might be impacted'. He actually said to me, "I don't know what compassion is." I had no clue to the significance of that statement. If only they taught about narcissism in high school.

[@gtaylor6937]

So many of us went through a relationship and saw the signs of narcissism that utterly floored us but we didn't know what narcissism was, or that it even existed. That's why we didn't know enough to bolt when we needed to. This is the part that causes so much damage - you keep thinking you can work things out. But you have no idea that you're in the grips of a dangerous person.

[@withgoddess]

Mine said "It's my way or the highway" before we married. I didn't take it seriously. I should have.

[@100americanmade]

@@withgoddess Mine says that now. Reminds me of my parents.

[@lindasensabaugh4013]

I discovered my Little sister is a a narcissist at age 55. She was always odd, eccentric and lives in her own world. It was the lack of empathy that sealed that diagnosis. I related a childhood trauma to her and I was crying and sobbing so hard I had trouble breathing. She stood up, said ‘want a coffee’ and walked off. I realized then that she had been this way our whole life. It is a cold disconnected attitude that covers her. Our childhood may have created her. At 9 mo she was ripped from mother-given to a stranger and was reunited at age 3. Plus mother would beat her and her cold reply was ‘keep hitting me, I’ll never cry’. Sister has become a hoarder and recluse. She lived with me for 10 yrs before retiring to NC near my daughter.

[@nftbandit9645]

This video is my life unfortunately. My mother is a straight up malignant narcissist. I’ve never actually met a worse one. Like Dr. Phil mentioned, I am simply her audience. It’s all about her and she love bombs me and then is the first person to turn around and at sight up abuse me. This happened for 26 years. I recently moved across the country from NY to CA and I couldn’t be happier. I tried for so long to “fix” her or get her to love me genuinely. It was a futile effort.

[@auntypeewee4393]

Sorry to hear that 😮🙏🏽

[@333Jord]

she love bombs u what does that mean

[@matthewmcdonough5601]

Wow I’m very sorry! My parents had role models that were similar, and they’re very loving! I’m sure you can become or are already are a good person without her.

[@nftbandit9645]

@@333Jord love bombing is when the essentially flood you with love and make you codependent with them (in my case) to get my trust so I trust her and let me guard down and then she manipulates me or abuses me.

[@pameversole5886]

I’m glad you got out. Enjoy your life! You truly deserve it!!

[@tartman540]

My ex-husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas one year, the last year, when he was feeling generous. I said I wanted "all of Dr. Phil's books". I received them for Christmas that year. After doing all the work, reading all 3 of them, at the time, I left him. Thanks Dr. Phil. You helped me do what seemed impossible to me alone. I shared the lessons from your books with my children. We're all strong, happy people today. Life is not without struggles and strife, but because of the knowledge you've imparted to us we can get through life a lot easier. God bless you sir. God bless you. ❤️

[@Consmoma]

That was a good one!! Hahaha he paid for his own demise! Glad to hear you and yours are thriving and away from the toxicity! 🧡🥰❤️

[@tracyross5831]

WELL DONE 👍👍❤️💪💪💪💪. Being with a LOSER, is REALLY THEIR LOSS🤣👍

[@karieschneider746]

My way of dealing with a narcissist is to get away and stay away.

[@Uncomfortableanduglytruth]

thats the only thing u can do that will work

[@bubblesbubbles3415]

The only way...

[@dresser6135]

Yep, if you stick around you are only going to be gritting your teeth & tolerating them. Not really that helpful to anybody.

[@gracenmercy1085]

I 👍 💯 agree! They will drain you.

[@nataliecopeland5257]

But what if they won’t let you, they bring your family into it.

[@kriztalynn]

My first Phil in the Blanks, and I’m coming away feeling like I was lucky to see a live TED talk on personality disorder. Please never stop doing this!

[@JoolsVoiceOver]

My mother is a narc and I finally walked away when she started her guilt trips with my 4 year old son. She has tried everything to get me back and has turned the whole family against me but I’m free.

[@therivercake871]

Stay strong!

[@JoolsVoiceOver]

@@therivercake871 thank you 😊

[@buzzzzzz69]

AND... most importantly you are protecting your children. When they're old enough they'll see what's really going on. Have faith that what goes around comes around 🏵

[@JoolsVoiceOver]

@@buzzzzzz69 thank you :0) xx

[@Lynetted79]

Same! Had to throw those walls up fast!

[@leluefran]

Thank you for not pathologizing the victims of narcissistic abuse! As Dr. Phil mentioned, kindness shows itself in consistent good behavior. Beware of charm, for a truly kind-hearted person does not feel the need to convince others of his benevolent intentions.

[@Jo145330]

If only I had heard your message 20 years ago! My daughter dated a fellow who was always jumping up to be helpful, get that soda for someone, find the remote, take out the trash...you name it. We all fell for it! He changed the moment they were married and has gotten steadily worse. She put up with SO much abuse, along with her children. They are now divorced and she married a very kind and good man. However, because of the children, they have contact. Her ex uses every opportunity to hurt her, take advantage of her, and blame her, even using the children to do so. He has also remarried and still can’t leave my daughter alone. He follows the exact pattern Dr. Phil is talking about.

[@leluefran]

@@Jo145330 I can confirm from experience that your daughter would not have believed you 20 years ago! She would have defended the conman and love-fraud from anyone who questioned his "nice-guy" mask. Romeo and Julia... How lucky she was to find a truly lovely man in the end! And for the grandchildren, I can only recommend therapy; therapy helped my son a lot. He had to accept that his father was not and is not capable of love, that he always promised something he never kept, to distract from reality and to expect gratitude on top of it. A shabby game! As a young adult he is doing well, he is responsible and full of life, he wants nothing more to do with his father, he has learned to pay attention to the behavior of others vs. their words. Good luck to your family! Love from Berlin :-)

[@Jo145330]

@@leluefran you are so kind to reply to me. You're right, she would not have believed me. I did warn her older sister because I could see her fiance was capable of being unkind... it just made her angry with me and she still married him. It seems to me our world is creating more narcissistic behavior than ever before. I'm grateful for my parents who raised us in a peaceful home... for the most part... not 100% perfect. ;>)

[@Jo145330]

@@leluefran and hello from Utah, USA

[@parkranger5317]

ON POINT !🤔☺

[@illegallyblonde232]

Everyone needs to learn about these masked monsters they will leave your life in ruins

[@Nessa_1990]

Yup! It sucks to learn the hard way. :(

[@brianwalsh1401]

@@Nessa_1990 It's probably the way most people learn is the hard way. At least it was for me and I still didn't figure it out until 11 years after I left, and quite by accident.

[@jeannenora6113]

Exactly what Amber Turd did to Depp

[@nc4093]

We keep feeding this and enabling it I.m.o it's stunting human evolution.

[@amandaward6455]

My father has...x

[@carlosmorgado7518]

"If their lips are moving, they're lying" so true... I've recently broken up with a friend because he's such a narcissist that the best thing I could possibly do was leave... I'm sorry for his girlfriend, who is also my friend, she's been suffering a lot with all the abuse, the manipulation, and the lies... but that's her journey, she should watch this video and educate herself on this topic.

[@maha77]

I have a whole new level of respect for Dr Phil, he clearly understand this topic extremely well and knows his stuff

[@karaalsup23]

I used to, then I learned things that that were so disappointing. He's the biggest narcissist of TV.

[@jo2576]

That's right!

[@arrmilnjm6314]

00

[@user-jq8qw1mp6u]

@@karaalsup23 Hi from Norway👋🏼💕 Are you reffering to Dr.Phil? Just courious 🤗

[@imommyme98]

@@karaalsup23 9⁹8⁸ķ b b

[@breajahcurley79]

I needed to hear this so bad! I'm going through a divorce with a narcissist right now and the ptsd is real

[@Danielle-ii8zc]

God bless 🙏

[@l.5127]

Keep strong.💪💝

[@xhaltsalute]

Don’t tell him anything until your finances and legal thing in order. Don’t let them know! Seriously!

[@karolpartridge5022]

@@xhaltsalute Right on, and get the best lawyer you can afford. Protect the kids as much as you can. He will try to hurt them to hurt you.

[@faithfulservant1050]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@English.Rose101]

My mum was a covert narcissist, my husband a grandiose narcissist and after my divorce my recent ex a malignant narcissist! Trauma bonds are real! I’ve found out I’m an empath from my childhood traumas but acknowledged that I have stayed and feel ok around narcissists because they feel like home / family! We humans follow our ego to our safe zone of what resonates, what you are used too, what’s familiar etc. Please acknowledge this! I’m 40 now and I’ve only just woke up to this pattern of behaviour, I’ve but up with abuse all my life and now I have to embrace living…. God bless all empaths out there the road to recovery is hard, don’t blame yourself even if you have an addiction, you have just dulled down the flight and fight response that causes panic, use your copes until you let go of the abusive past, your addictions will fall away the moment you realise you love yourself and the reason you are so kind and caring to humanity is because of the abuse! It turned you into a light in the world to help others, God bless you all 💕

[@annaknight5111]

💗

[@Consmoma]

💗

[@nyahhbinghi]

too many narcs for 1 person

[@English.Rose101]

@@nyahhbinghi agreed and no more

[@vivianmadisonmahoney9457]

Rose; Thank you for sharing your story, your realizations and your truths with us! I can relate!!

[@mdee860]

One of Dr. Phil's best Shows/Podcasts/Videos - if not THE BEST. These are people (Narcs) that you need to leave in the rearview mirror. So terribly destructive & horrible. They have years & decades of practice - so you will NEVER win. There is NO SUCH THING as a normal conversation with a Narc. Ignore or go No Contact.

[@jamillabaidou]

Finally! More people need to hear this!

[@KIMBOECKX]

Inderdaad

[@MK-fk4kp]

and be taught at schools!!!!

[@MK-fk4kp]

unfortunately, these harmful personalities are learning to "emulate" empathy as well, but the only solution is to educate as many people as possible..

[@FayAlexGG]

Agreed, when you are in the thick of the abuse it is almost impossible to see clearly with in the controlling and overwhelming environment so knowing the red flags is key.

[@youtubepooppismo5284]

hey im gay

[@KMA-yt]

I am forever impacted by this Dr. Phil, thank you. I feel like every single word was about my experience. It was eerily spot on. Being abused and controlled by a malignant narcissist was soul crushing and life changing. It both broke me and made me tough. I bear scars no one can see..thehe PTSD, and the rebuilding, even still today, of my self esteem and self worth, it all still goes on. But I'm not a victim. I maybe was at one point. Now though, I am an informed and powerful woman, strong with God, confident in myself, and grateful for all that I've learned.

[@thehumblehealer6461]

I've had my own narcissist experiences. I also have PTSD from these experiences. As an extra sensitive empath, I have had to work really hard to see my own value and set boundaries with these types. I appreciate all your wisdom Dr Phil. Thank you.

[@starshinee444]

I feel for you ❤️❤️❤️

[@kellyleighread807]

"you don't deserve air. You're a waste of skin." Boundaries are tissue paper to the ex husband. The ex used us for his portrait family. When the in law's passed away the ex didn't want, need or care about us. I hadn't heard anything about this until 2017. I've read 18 books yet I don't think better of myself. My mom and the ex had the same type of behavior. The " whoo is me" behavior. It was my duty to make them feel better. I told the ex husband how I felt one time. He tried to kill me.

[@lucindamccartan4139]

I'm starting this journey and sound a lot like you. I hope I can do that, too.

[@thehumblehealer6461]

@@lucindamccartan4139 I feel blessed really. After many years of toxic cycles I can finally see my abandonment issues were keeping me stuck. May I recommend journaling for you. It really helps open up communication with the universe. Journal your feelings to help you release them. Journal your dreams to help you manifest change. Sending you healing vibes and prayers.

[@markbirchall638]

Ditto, I’ve had and still got 4-5 severe narcissistic people in my life, unfortunately I seem to attract them and they don’t show their real selves when u 1st meet them, then bit by bit the evil devil comes out and then you see them for exactly what they are

[@phyllisscantland6627]

They don’t have a problem, but you have a problem and you are the problem. He will never change, and you will never be able to fix him. Give him short answers, never try to reason with them, and decide that you are ENOUGH no matter what they say.

[@margueritequintana1772]

Is this personality a large component of Phsycopathy ? Are they capable of violence ? Are they often misdiagnosed as Schizophrenic or Manic depressive and or are these also component's of this personality ?

[@Not-the-usual-BS]

Yes to all three! I was involved with covert narcissists and they are evil 👿

[@Not-the-usual-BS]

@@margueritequintana1772 borderlines are often misdiagnosed as bipolar… not all narcissists are sociopaths however all sociopaths are narcissistic! Sorry if that’s confusing! Malignant narcissists are very dangerous mentally and physically.. never tell them you are leaving them, keep your plans to yourself!

[@franceshaggitt3104]

​@@Not-the-usual-BS yessss....ex had demon in him.

[@lucyk8997]

Thank you Dr. Phil. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past 7 years with a NARC spouse. Now, I know what am dealing with and that am not CRAZY!!. Am deeply depressed, emotionally drained and physically sick. "The truth you know shall set you free". Have to get out!!

[@noahroad6577]

May you have the strength to keep your convictions fresh. Do it peaceably, even at some cost, but follow through

[@adel2457]

Yes, thank you Dr. Phil! I too have been in an emotional rollercoaster for the past 8 years. No one seems to understand what I go through. I have to get out as well very soon!!!!! I too am deeply depressed, emotionally drained and physically sick too. I will keep you uplifted in prayers Lucy K.

[@adel2457]

I am in tears listening to your video Dr. Phil. I need to get away. Everything you said is what I deal with on daily basis with my husband, the demon. He clashes with my soul and spirit. Thank you for sharing, teaching, showing me I'm not the crazy one but also for raising my awareness.

[@christine9467]

I’m with ya. It’s a hard life.

[@starrynightsmoonlitskies5497]

It's not your fault. Learn de-escalation techniques.t can literally save your life. Please be careful and please be aware that he most likely put spyware or parental monitoring software on your devices. Leave me behind if you leave. Factory reset won't always help.And an old device will infect a new one via Bluetooth. Just wanted to warn you. Take care and be careful

[@christine9467]

@@starrynightsmoonlitskies5497 Omg my husband is an IT guy and I sometimes wonder if he can see websites I go to n stuff like that. One day my daughter found him looking through my watched videos on my KZbin. I’ve since signed out but I best change the password. I’ve also had KZbin not track my history any longer. Last thing I need him to know is that I think he’s a narcissist. Sometimes I get off the home WiFi and use the cellular. Ugh it’s a tough life but the good thing is that I now have some tools in my tool belt and lots of prayers going on to heal him from this horrible affliction.

[@adel2457]

@@starrynightsmoonlitskies5497 Thank you so much for your suggestions. I will look into de-escalation techniques as I have never heard of them. I have made up my mind, I am leaving. I just need to plan accordingly so that I am safe. I cannot and will not spend whatever life I have left in this misery. He has managed to take my sparkle away. I want it back. Thank you for taking the time to educate me. I am truly grateful. ❤

[@white-samsara]

I'm proud of your decision 👏 ✨️ you can do this! You are stronger than you think. You will be so glad you left him when you look back 1 year from now. Put YOU first. Stay safe.

[@lifewithghosts]

A narcissist is someone who thinks that he or she knows how to live our lives better than we do

[@brendablack9809]

Dr. Phil, you are "right on". My X was a narcissist. The final straw was when I found out he was hiding my personal belongings to make me think I was overly forgetful, retrieving the item when he knew I was looking for it, and he said he would look for and find it, return it, pat me on my shoulder and tell me it was my alzheimers. This went on for 2 years. Then he started saying I needed to go to a nursing home because I "had alzheimers". When the truth of the situation was that he had nothing when we married, and he wanted everything I had before and after the marriage acquired. He ended up with 75% of the community property and was ordered to pay me $71,400.00. It has been since 2014 that the divorce was final, and I haven't seen a penny. At least I am alive. I am thankful for my life.

[@tammythompson1094]

This is giving me so much clarity

[@tammythompson1094]

Mine always had "higher moral stance" yet no fruit to show for it.

[@tammythompson1094]

Mine 'talked to friends (intimate friendly time consuming female relationships on the side) and when I finally was calling him out on it, he gaslit me to thinking its wrong to be jealous. The kicker is that he used the last one to make me guilty, snd I reacted and I was the one he called the police on who arrested me. Thankfully the court saw through the lies and its now recorded that I was narcissistically abused. I had no idea what a narc was. I knew there was like autism or some kind of mental theme going on but I had never heard of this one. From what Dr. Phil is describing him to a "T"... he enjoyed making me jealous and I do think he is covert malignant. He damaged his whole family. 💔 His mother is almost as bad. One day she and I were spend time together when all of a sudden she looks at me evilly and said "don't ever cross me"...not nurturing at all and very creepy. I wasn't even being any kind of way and she just out of the blue gets an evil nasty loon and said that. I could never understand that. She was the one who abused him so bad he was not able to be seen or heard or validated growing up. So sad for this family. It's ruined me after 15 years but after what Dr. Is saying I'm feeling so validated that my guilt is lessening. It's a terrible rwprocussional thing to be blamed and made to be a villian.. so sad and upside-down.

[@kathyberney5093]

Dr. Phil, when you do your impression of a narcissist you sound exactly like my husband. He inherited Charcot Marie Tooth which presented around age 9 and was, understandably, catered to as a child. However, he never emotionally developed beyond that age, especially with the condition’s subsequent damages. This makes “playing the victim” is extremely rewarding for him. A simple conversation with him feels like a walk through a minefield. Now our only child, who is 23, has been newly diagnosed with heretofore unrecognized level 1 and 2 ASD. My husband’s innate need for control, and to display a superficially perfect photoshopped family portrait to the world, has frustrated efforts to help our son out of his inertia and anxiety-fueled depression. Appointments for our son with qualified experts have been spread out due to the aftermath of Covid and a shortage of appropriate practitioners. This interim, with my husband not seeing my son’s neuro-divergence in an empathetic or even sympathetic way, has been interminable. Finding help for all of this has been heart-breaking and difficult. My son, perhaps with his type of rigid thinking, has contempt for his father because of his father’s predictable, condescending and demeaning need for control over us. No minutia is too small for my husband’s boisterous input. I’m at my wit’s end, but I’m hanging tough for, and with, my beautiful, remarkable and unbelievably intelligent son.

[@Kaedemoon267]

Thanks Dr Phil. I've been in recovery from narcissistic abuse for a few years now. It's insane how awful these people are.

[@reesedaniel5835]

The narc's fake projected Image is (or seems) "greater" than our Genuine Self/reality to the duped society/onlookers but the truth is that our Genuine reality/self is far greater than the narcissist's true (hidden) self/reality that nobody sees but the Scapegoat/target. And likewise the narcissist is the only one who sees that our Realness/reality is far greater than their hidden self, and they are threatened by it. All the while the narc's dupes/spineless cud chewing onlookers are (willfully) fooled by the fake image of the narc or are too cowardly to stand up for the Truth which makes the Real/Non-Fake person look "flawed" or "bad" by comparison to the "saintly squeaky clean" narc. The dupes are also in a way projecting their flaws or "human" qualities onto the Real Person (Scapegoat) to deflect attention away from their own ineptness, cowardliness and lack of knowledge. Going along to get along with the narc's charade is the Wide and Easy Path (to destruction).

[@SHINR__]

I was abused (physical, mental, and verbal) by a narcissist for around 6-7 years and It is so unbelievably hard to get over it. I have symptoms of PTSD now. It really is that bad, I can't get by a day without losing motivation to do things. Don't associate with these people if you can.

[@lookaroundyou8108]

Am sorry you went through this, yet I believe u can still live your life now that you are away from them with time. You can do it. Am still trying to get away from my family and my narcissistic siblings.

[@Starscream2588]

I was bullied too Back in school & at work Cause I was disability & I had special ed classes.I had even teachers who did not like me & My 6th grade teacher she was the worse.. SHe would have these meetings all the time with my parents & She never said anything nice about me Until they spoke up. I never had to Stay after school at all & Until that one year was the only time I did cause of her.I do believe she was one of these Narcissist he is talking about Cause Even the principal was afraid of her the counslor, Speech teacher,. 6th grade was the worse year I had cause of her.

[@suerosser8756]

I’m so sorry that happened to you.. Talk to Jesus. He always brought me through the storm.

[@SHINR__]

@@Starscream2588 sorry to hear that man. Much love.

[@SHINR__]

@@lookaroundyou8108 thank you.

[@kitsune7351]

Many narcissists have cognitive empathy and can be very charming. I run away from overly charming people. The narcs do lack emotional empathy but many play a "great guy ", "best mom at school", etc perfectly.

[@alexbaird2670]

This is my neighbour. I got played, and fell for the love-bombing. Blamed / kicked myself for being fooled by her for months afterwards.

[@Ilene-pz8fp]

Legends in their own mind.

[@hugemeansteve6275]

Nah mine was an ugly short bastard

[@Onehottherapist]

Yes! I let my guard down because he was so charming. I wish he would’ve been a jerk from the beginning.

[@t.j.huckaby1924]

What is cognitive empathy exactly? I was unaware that certain emotions come from some place in the body other than the brain?

[@ginal5316]

💡Whoa!! Oh my gosh YES!!! Thank you Dr. Phil✨ I've got the tools and the 'know how' to defend myself and say; "Buddy, you don't bother me a bit because you're just gaslighting me AGAIN and move on to the next subject!" 😊 Thank you and I wish I had seen this before but better late than never 🤗

[@tracysoule3266]

Wow. You sure nailed it. I had to learn this all the hard way. It nearly broke me. I'm still scarred but so much wiser and stronger having survived it. Awareness helps greatly. Educate yourself about these kinds of people it can literally save you.

[@footloosefancyfree7163]

I'm the same! My life is SO much better now I'm not with my toxic ex. I put up with it for years believing I was the problem in the relationship as I was told constantly. Here's to a peaceful life with no drama 😍

[@noahroad6577]

Lovely name

[@jodiscola1806]

Me too . Wish I had had something like this to watch and recognize years ago.

[@Vixinaful]

Ive had relationships with these sorts of guys since I was 14, am 44 today and the last one almost killed me. I can tell you there is NO way to understand this until you've been exposed to one, and even then its hard to understand.

[@kellyleighread807]

The ex husband fantasy world was pornography. During that time the ex husband was handsome, rich and adorable. It was the ex husband's way of dealing with stress. The ex husband is covert, passive, aggressive antisocial narcissist. The ex husband tried to take my life twice. I wasn't allowed to speak of feelings. When the ex husband left he played the victim and said that he was intitled to do whatever he wanted. The ex husband had the spirit of lust, greed, anger, silent treatment, triangulation. Married 36 year's the ex husband had his NS take him to NY. These people are cruel, hateful, mean. Demon's. I worked very hard for nothing.

[@TracyJane67]

I'm 54 and experiencing this for the past 2 years, I live in a constant state of self doubt and bewilderment. Watching this has really helped to clear and focus my mind

[@Vixinaful]

@@TracyJane67 Same here. This was THE video that ended the confusion. Now I know 100% he is one, I also discovered more than him and a long chain of them relationships wise before him, they are even in my own family aswell which explains why I've been attracting them. I believe God is letting some sot of shift happen with so many waking up to these persons, it's like chains and bonds have been smashed to bits for the first time in my life. Knowledge is power! We are FREE. Now that we can spot them, time to avoid them. The rest of our lives are beginning.

[@TracyJane67]

@@Vixinaful good luck to you babe, sending you love and positive vibes now & forever more.

[@Ryangubbs]

It is hard because narcissistic males do come across as confident and somewhat charming. You just have to be a bit skeptical until the person proves otherwise.

[@lillydragu3277]

Grew up with one, been married to one for almost three decades. Everything Dr. Phil describes here is true! ALL OF IT!!!

[@elizabethbrehm8996]

Yep… 3 decades too only Just realizing this condition about 4 years ago.. wish I would have learned about it 20 years ago

[@citigirlcountrified1927]

Are you leaving?

[@jengardner4796]

This is a horrific experience! I have a lifetime of experience with these people from mother to husband. Finally 51 & free but still have flashbacks of trauma. Lost both my daughters, family, friends, myself etc. but made it out with my life! Thank you❤

[@bethrubenstein8735]

Wow .

[@annettesandrock]

Dr. Phil, Im concerned for the safety of someone that would tell an abuser they will report or leave them. I would be afraid of threat causing violence. I think they should take action- no warning to a narcissist. My narcissist told me he would kill me if I left. I finally had to just run away.

[@phylliscurtner5578]

​@@annettesandrockI am so glad you got away from that monster.

[@frenchtons9380]

A narcissist was almost unheard of 10 years ago: You are helping so many people with this episode. You explained it perfectly Dr. Phil. Thank you to you and Robyn for everything you do

[@angelasteele7705]

I agree!

[@gtaylor6937]

So true - 20 years ago we went through this cold turkey, totally without knowledge of what we were dealing with. It's like going through open heart surgery without anesthesia.

[@JustCallMeLiberty]

It seems like there are more of them these days too!

[@FayAlexGG]

If you are in a abusive relationship than you are not stupid and you do not deserve it. Love yourself a little more everyday and know there are people in the world who understand and have gone through the same thing.

[@barbaraschweer862]

And leave the Situation.

[@pameversole5886]

Amen!

[@Enoughalready20237]

Yes

[@kristenandco.2223]

I have been waiting for YEARS to see you cover this in depth. Thank you thank you thank you! Narcissistic abuse is horrific and I suffered in silence for so long. It took me YEARS to understand what was happening and educate myself. I’ve now left the abuse and I am now healing.

[@reesedaniel5835]

They kill you with a thousand tiny cuts spread across a period of time. The one's who don't wake up to the abuse and get away from this poisonous people end up a husk of their original selves, with Stockholm Syndrome and an early grave. People awaken because they get tired of people who insult their soul....

[@canadianwildliferescue8355]

DR Phil, I am so humbled by your help and insight. You helped me 15 years ago to leave very abusive marriage and now you are helping me to deal with residue of my internal work to recognize unhealthy and toxic people I need to heal from being a victim to be a Victorious Woman. Narcissists are real and around us and you have an amazingly accurate insight to what they are about. Your ability to speak to their victims is priceseless! May you be Blessed with health and happiness for all the work you do!

[@laurahennessy2893]

One time when my stepson at age 25 came to apologize to me for all the abuse that he has inflicted since he was age 7, I asked him what made him think he could treat me this way? His answer was priceless, he said, " Because I Could, your are an easy target, and no one ever stopped me."

[@SweetHomeOregonSasquatch]

but Phil said it's "a learned behavior or from severe neglect or abuse". It's a theory, but I have a really hard time believing a 7 yr old is a narcissist.

[@jeffreymcdaniel6813]

@@SweetHomeOregonSasquatch a 7 year old can be a narcissist. Especially if allowed to act spoiled, selfish and unaccountable for one's behavior!

[@johnbyrne5645]

I'm so sorry to read this.May you find the peace you both deserve.

[@darlenesutton7248]

​@@SweetHomeOregonSasquatch by time a child is 7 narcissism is ingrained. Kids don't have to be physically abused to use this coping mechanism. A golden child become narcissist praised and given everything.

[@Thingys-Jill]

@@SweetHomeOregonSasquatch Dr. Phil said that it was a THEORY that it is a learned behavior from being too spoiled or neglect/abuse.

[@mmmmlllljohn]

Dr. Phil’s ability to explain psychology to the layman is a gift that keeps on giving. Thanks, Dr. Phil, you have certainly helped me over the years. ❤️🇨🇦

[@jaystew730]

That is why he has been on the air for all of these years

[@Suchwerewolf]

The world needs more people who can explain complex material to everyone. Dr Phil is wonderful at speaking plainly without putting on airs that make him impossible to understand like many “smart” people. “If you can’t explain a concept to a six year old you do not understand it yourself” - Einstein

[@kimvaars4657]

@@Suchwerewolf omg!!! I love that!! If you cannot explain a concept to a 6 yr old, you so not understand it yourself. So simple yet so profound!! Thanks for that. And yes. DR. PHIL is amazing at explaining things in lamens terms. Dr. Les Carter is also amazing at it. He has a very calm and soothing voice.

[@brianwalsh1401]

@@jaystew730 He should've called this topic out a long time ago but he didn't. Why do think that was? A ton of youtubers have been speaking about this topic for a long time. He's trying to get in on their success on this topic.

[@beverlyboczkowski8028]

I have learned much from watching this today . wonderful explanation

[@sophiasadie]

perfect timing, i finally blocked my narcissistic ex last night. there’s no getting through to narcissists 💔

[@kikit0732]

After watching this video, I can see that my mother has NPD traits. I’m her only child (daughter) and I have been diagnosed with Self-Destructive BPD and an anxiety disorder. Without sounding preachy, I have been able to get a lot of help from God (through the Holy Spirit). I am still anxious and I feel very sad sometimes, but I feel very assured that God is always with me. Talking with Him and minimal SSRI prescription has gotten me very stable. Bless you all, and don’t give up. You don’t have to let a disorder take over your life.

[@cindiefrederick3450]

So spot on! I am a quiet peace maker, who married a narcissist. I ended up with PTSD before I could break all ties with him. I just wish I could have heard him doing this 10 years ago. That man almost totally destroyed all will and confidence I had in me.

[@jengable4888]

I would agree that psychology courses regarding narcissistic abuse and other forms of abuse should be taught in middle and high school !

[@MulattoArchive]

The gaslighting literally makes me panic

[@Enoughalready20237]

Agree!

[@stuff1784]

My father, yep

[@YngNyn]

Forreal it’s awful 🤦‍♂️

[@Rob9mm]

No need to. You are aware of it now. Learning about that was a total game changer for me. "We're not gonna take it".

[@nikkithompson10]

Same 💯 Immediate flight of fight mode for me .

[@amg8497]

Actually it was ME who walked out on the couples therapy … the therapist knew nothing about narcissism and was doing nothing but catering to his behaviour! … I just couldn’t sit there any longer

[@beanone2]

I feel like therapy can be hard because the narc can "woo" the therapist and be on their best behaviour... I did one session with my mom and she got there early convinced the therapist to let her in before I got there and deffinately influences his opinion... at the end of the session he told me I needed to work on myself more...

[@cassandracarrizo6429]

I understand. Completely.

[@emilyflotilla931]

Been there!

[@julestretch]

Yep. Same.

[@nelsonnelson6763]

This it's going to be a big problem now. Another ( Plague ) way ,and reason, for more , brake up , division of families, divorce, and false accusations. Now everybody it's going to wear the narcissistic mask, and become a counselor, or a sphycologist. Having a point of view, and trying to do things your way when is you doing it , it's a totally different way, than been a selfish, greedy person. I seen lots of parents in the past, accusing the neighbors kid, as a narcissist, when it's their own kid the one, with the issue.

[@simplypositiveme]

I was put in my place more than I can care to admit. It's caused me to avoid everything and everyone because I can't/ don't trust myself or anyone. I only want my tiny life with my kitty now. Hate it, but it's true.😮

[@Wyomi-d3j]

I finally left my narcissist. Wish I would have know all this sooner. Thank you Dr. Phil 🙏🏼❤️

[@tiredgirl100]

After 25 years I did too finally some peace

[@spicegirl8059]

Me too! Worst 2 years of my life!

[@faye8540]

My brother's partner is a narcissist She is getting worse. It is awful to see

[@supernatural2762]

@@spicegirl8059 same.

[@amandalamb11]

That’s so strong of you … Hope you’re doing well. ❤️🙌🏼

[@cindyasters]

I have lived with this my whole life with my sister. I always felt something was wrong with me and tried to fix me. I finally read a book called The Covert Narcissit and it described my sister 100 percent. I wish I had read the book years ago. It is so hard for me to totally disconnect from her but Dr. Phil is right I can't help her. The hardest thing to deal with is the lies she tells about me to others. It is so hard because all my life I've wanted a sisterly relationship but letting that go, is what I'm dealing with now.

[@msp2727]

So hard. They will never stop biting into your soul. Better off free.

[@saolo1358]

Thank you Dr Phil, I've never knew that I married this monster, just found out a year ago.

[@paris777kidney]

Don’t separate yourself from your sister! That’s not what Dr. Phil suggested! She’s family! Learn how to deal with it!!

[@jeremy19175]

@@paris777kidney i think that my youngest sister is like that when her and my niece was living with me and mom my mom moved her husband in with us and him and my sister would get into it about anything and would not help do anything and when me and my mom would point out their bad behaviors they would always attack me talking about what i don't do even though me and my mom are the only was that were do all of the work we were the only ones paying the bill we were the only ones cleaning and the only ones going shopping for food

[@jolantamsk3894]

@@paris777kidney Listen to what he says until you fully understand.

[@jeanniebaker4146]

"You're too sensitive..." This entire dialog of gaslighting is exactly what I experienced... This is so eye opening...wow

[@Heidella]

I have this entire gaslighting conversation on my text messages from my narc Wow..word for word.

[@ditavalerio615]

I see so many of these overlapping! from childhood on was dealing with, but never noticed because they cannot raise kids - we raised ourselves and were always at our school friends parents homes growing up Although in my teens I did have a get them before they get me… I knew it was from my upbringing, but figured I didn’t have anything else to really get me through - No coping skills , no moral support, no unconditional love nothing - it’s just a big blank endless black hole 🕳 and the kids thrown into world - Stuck with counseling and I can say I understand more , but isolation from all my health issues now is definitely a choice at this point to not be drained !

[@Enoughalready20237]

‘Subordinate your interests and your needs for their expectations.’ Yep, to keep the peace that’s what they expect.

[@lipstickandbooks.]

I had a run in with one of these personality disorders recently. When you learn about PDs and then come across one of these people it’s really eye opening… if you’re not a mental health professional don’t deal with them, they can do a lot of harm.

[@leighmiller7047]

Unfortunately alot of the time, you dont even known till its too late. Thry already have their claws in you before they reveal themselves as narcissists.

[@Jmay411]

Even mental health professionals get abused by narcissist clients.

[@lipstickandbooks.]

@@Jmay411 I don’t doubt this, however a mental health professional has tools to deal with personality disorders that the average person does not

[@annmarie6870]

Exactly. No point in trying to fix them just go no contact and move on.

[@mothermayi9545]

I just ended an 8 year marriage this year. For years I tried to put my finger on why he acted the way he did. I explored the possibility of him being a sociopath or having autism. I even began questioning my own sanity as a result of years of gaslighting. His gaslighting was never mean or nasty. It was always casual and articulate and came out in the form of passive aggression. I was chatting with his best friend last night about his own experience with my ex and I believe now that there is a strong possibility that he is a narcissist. This just solidifies that my decision to leave was the right move.

[@mmmmlllljohn]

Covert narcissists are tough to figure out - they are more stealth but the blame game is key and the blame will be on you. ❤️

[@ChristinaFromYoutube]

I love you for considering he is autistic! I have been accused of narcissism when i am not. (Verified by psychologist and psychiatrist.)

[@mademily5270]

For years, I have believed that my mother is a psychopath due to total lack of empathy and absence of conscience, a mocking, gleeful cruelty, along with constant, pathological lying and the most profound case of narcissism I've encountered in nearly 70 years of living. I've always been thrown a bit, however, by the fact that she does get stressed and anxious, and she has shown some psychotic tendencies in the past. After listening to this talk and others by Dr. Phil (a rare person I trust), it seems that Malignant Narcissist covers every base. Thank you, Dr. Phil. You are a beacon of light in a very dark world.

[@AkaHeart1]

I left my narcissistic man; without notice, 4 months ago. Thank God!! 🙏🏻♥️🙏🏻 Something you said triggered me to comment. My narcissist said I was passive aggressive. My first thought was….”What?” I was taken aback and thought to myself…… that was exactly what I thought of him, but never addressed it. My question…..does a narcissist accuse you of behavioral issues they display most of the time??

[@Lee-st5r]

Yes!!!

[@blessed7927]

Yep

[@thetamjan2]

Definitely

[@diane4488]

Yes, I've found that. My sister would have narcissistic rants when she'd been drinking. When I asked her one time, a week later, when she was sober, what was going on when she did that, she went into another rant. You are....... Crazy Narcissistic Manipulative Selfish I have to tip-toe around you, because I'm anxious about how you'll respond etc etc. The total reverse was true. All the things she was herself. I was the one living on eggshells, and she totally went off the deep end, calling me foul names. I wish I'd understood narcissism decades before. I've spent most of my life trying to help and appease narcissistic people. Still learning and still recovering. ❤️

[@126644]

Yes it's called projection

[@charliebrown555]

Dear Dr. Phil, Thank you for this. You hit the nail on the head with your descriptive words. Many families have a covert Jeckle /Hyde narcisist that causes so much heartache for those who merely wish to have healthy relationships. That's just not possible with the narcissist. And who would figure this was going on behind closed doors. You said and I quote, "You have to understand, not everyone you lose is a loss." Wise words. Our hearts and sanity are worth protecting and preserving over relationships with sick people who don't want to get help.

[@shannonwashburn4126]

Its a case of Angel away, Devil at home.

[@isishathor1238]

My mother is a covert narcissist. It’s always about me. She says I’m her whole world, wants me all for herself, says she wants the best for me, she wants to secure my future, and gaslights me that I’m lazy and irresponsible. Growing up, I had issues with her obssession with cleaning, not letting me touch things, sanitizing everything, her sacrificing herself, she is always ill, she is always fair and realistic, she is always telling the truth. Her way is the only tested way, and my way is not reliable. I moved away from her, but she still tries to smolder me and guilt me that I abandoned her and that I’m ungrateful. Not to mention her personal beliefs and habits.

[@cinemaunitestheworld]

Spot on. And I don't know who is worse; the narcissistic passive-aggressive bully, or their enablers

[@mariafarley7602]

“A consistent pattern of behavior.” Yep. That’s my sister. I finally learned to walk away. Best decision I have ever made.

[@gloriadonahue7241]

The passion that he uses to describe some of the traits and characteristics of the narcissist is unbelievably spot-on. Only someone who has actually experienced narcissistic abuse would be able to Muster that sort of passion.

[@bodhiiyogini]

I agree

[@aboutdat007]

Some devil's

[@dt8150]

I woke up when dr phil spoke. My eldest son is definitely a narcissist person without empathy. If i am going through something serious Tom changes the conversation to be about him. How do i help him. Right now he isn't talking to me because i disagreed with negative comments he made about his son's partner. Most of the time i go along with whatever he says. How do i help him see himself and get help? He is my son. I have to accept him the way he is. He is selfish. He only does nice things to make himself look good. He has no empathy for me. It's all about him.

[@ruby9355]

God knows I needed to hear this. Thank you Dr Phil. The scars are deep after walking away but I'm glad I have my peace back.

[@blueeyez3643]

I’ve spent my life trying to understand my mother then I saw this and thought I’d listen. This description was so on point I’ve stopped several times to cry it’s so close to home. This is a blessing I want to learn more. Thank you!

[@shelleydawnblagg1673]

If only I had this information 30 years ago I could have saved myself a whole lot of anguish I tried so many times to get away but he would never let go since he died I'm starting to get back my life please keep up these podcasts they are invaluable.

[@deeberry650]

Me too and I have lived this way for 62 years being UN educated about Narcissistic behavior .

[@catharinedecker7284]

I so agree. I need friends!

[@mariannerognerud]

I am so glad you are free. Be safe

[@mzgreeneyez9048]

I was dating a NPD person. This was eye opener for me. I would always defend myself. Venting never made me feel better. I just made me someone I didn't like.

[@merricat3025]

Years back I went to a training and personality disorders. They talked about narcissist. They said if you have a narcissistic boss and you're the target there's nothing you can do. You did nothing wrong. Going to their supervisor won't help. The only thing you can do is leave. I had a boss that I think was a narcissist. I was so glad when he retired

[@scottcarruthers9204]

I find venting to a friend makes me feel like I am the one with the problem and maybe everything is my fault. It sucks and she wonders why I have trust issues and am unwilling to talk about how I feel

[@shirleycervantes872]

Dr. Phill is it okay to send the narcissist your videos?

[@mariemonaco6635]

My childrens' father was a narcisist, so my three adult children are as well. My father was bipolar so my brothers are both narcisistic. I am glad I went through talk therapy for six years and have discovered "detach with love" techniques. I was sick for a long time, but have developed fences. It is heartbreaking at holidays when they all stay away now because I no longer "feed their need". But my friends are there for me, support. Your talk is spot on, Dr. Phil.

[@FungusAmungus-fl8iy]

I'm literally looking at one. It's so true that narcissists don't realize that's exactly what they are.

[@tamicushenbery4024]

I wish I had heard this 25 years ago! It is all SO true!!

[@yvonnebraswell3480]

If I knew 25yrs ago all this I would not have been fooled and used for 25yrs of marriage. I finally escaped and am so grateful still cleaning my life.

[@user-jq8qw1mp6u]

Agree!

[@tracyross5831]

@@yvonnebraswell3480 YES, 25 years for Me too......But there's HOPE, for "US".......As WE are the ones, who got AWAY 👍👍👍👍❤️

[@yvonnebraswell3480]

@@tracyross5831 yes sis we did and we have educated ourselves to know we are amazing and strong women. You be blessed with peace and love.

[@terrimarsh2103]

Yes! Back then, I had no idea what I was dealing with. I had children involved which makes it harder to flee. I was determined to get out and did. There is so much help out there today. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

[@sewndebisdream6953]

You perfectly described my exhusband. NOW he is treating his new lady like this only worse! Because he has learned how to be GREAT at it! So happy I have myself back and I'm living my best life that God wanted me to have! Thanks Doctor Phil for talking about this much needed information.👍 Loved it when you said it wasn't my job to fix him. Amen!

[@emmaputt2183]

I have several members in my family that I like this. I have gone through every kind of abuse from them because of it.

[@autumn6772]

I am 58 and only in the past year have I understand how my life has been controlled by a narcissist father, brother, sister in law. Counseling and these videos have made me realize I am not crazy and I am a good person. But had to disconnect. ❤❤ thank you. B

[@tammybarbiero2257]

Thank you so much Dr. Phil. I really needed to hear this. My transgender daughter is narcissistic and has borderline personality disorder. You made me see that it's not me. I have done everything I can for her. Our family accepted her, I confronted teachers, students, friends,etc. so that she could live her life but now she hates me for it. I realize now that I have to take care of me. Many therapists, doctors and friends have told me to let her be on her own and I have recently cut off communication with her because she gets so aggressive. Thank you for letting me know that it's OK to put myself and my other kids first.

[@isishathor1238]

Proof that anyone can be fallible, regardless who they are as a person. I also had a problem with a family member who claimed to be the best friend and “most reliable person”.

[@mildredortega4450]

Thank you for this article . I was raised by a narcissist who grew up without a mother and her 1st experience in life was working as a maid in a wealthy family. This experience molded my mother's personality and she became a narcissist. She was always criticizing us, nothing was never good enough, she was very demanding, etc. Hence to say, my brother and my sister turned out to be a narcissist and I was in the process of becoming one, until one day, my then husband yelled at me that I sounded just like my mother. That was like a slap to my face. I started working on myself and did not become like her.

[@raymondparnell439]

🤣😀

[@chrisb.4323]

Comedian Morey Amsterdam said on his recording of “Mixed Up Stories for Smart Kids” the following phrase: ‘I know there is nothing I can do that would be good enough for you. So I will be good enough and do nothing for you.’ 👍

[@kimberlys.7097]

Love it. And so true

[@rebeccajohnson7864]

Omg Chris this quote is brilliant.

[@chrisb.4323]

@@rebeccajohnson7864 I loved this quote so much that I actually have remembered it since hearing it originally at 5 years old! I just reread it and realized I missed out one word - “enough” repeats in the lines. Look again and you’ll find it.

[@jayecanada977]

You should speak on the terrible things they do to others, its not just behavior its an evil that lives inside them

[@valkyrja-]

Thank you for covering the narcissist. I have a friend who went through a very abusive relationship with a narcissist and they’re still healing from it. It really reeked havoc on her life. She was victimized as well through the worst time of her life of her brother passing away and the narcissist didn’t let up at all. They can be dangerous to other people.

[@butterfly652]

Believe it or not after 6 years of no contact with them I'm taking counciling sessions to recover from the poison he left in my life. First i got sever depression out of having the relationship but the doctor who was treating me she was Turkish so there was no common language between me and her she healed me through medications. So again I'm going through hard face with the new guy and my therapist just figured out i didn't quite healed from that past relationship so I'm going through narrative therapy and other stuff to get over his shadow over my life. The damage they make and the marks they leave in people is insane I'm always paranoid about other people and getting afraid from dealing with another narcissist in life. Whoever is dealing with narcissist i beg you just leave before it's too late leave and never look behind.

[@anniekuo645]

@@butterfly652 axxXX

[@GnaashMeePls]

​@@butterfly652 good for you fly free and take control of your life!

[@1hinckley]

My husband is a covert narcissist. I live with him as if I were living with a mentally handicapped child. I go gray rock and don’t let his words hurt or manipulate me anymore. In my mind I say to myself here he goes again. I have a job, friends and family that I love so I have enjoyment in my life and that is enough for me!

[@rachelkumbalek690]

Thank you for this

[@joannmclean6406]

I will remember your comments for me. It's very helpful. I'm married to one. It's not fun at all. Thanks so much.

[@thehappymedium01]

Why not leave him? You don’t have to keep tolerating him and hiding in other parts of your life.

[@jjspade81]

A lot of this hits home. Especially when Dr. Phil said that we can't understand it. When I was with my ex I couldn't understand why he did the things he did. It came to a point where I had to accept that I could never wrap my head around it. It definitely changes you once you're abused by a narcissist.

[@bethrubenstein8735]

For sure

[@frankielemonjello]

“In desperate love, we always invent the characters of our partners, demanding they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert With the narcissist, it's always going to be about them. 'Way to make it all about you' is fitting for these types.

[@8no1likeme-infinitestar65]

Dr. Phil I have spent my entire life as a victim of these predators and trying to find out what's wrong with me, I greatly appreciate your validating that it's not me, it's them. I guess it's true that people go to therapy to deal with people who won't. Much Respect and gratitude..

[@Lunarstruck1]

If a narcissist goes after you, they see you as a threat. Never defend yourself and never ever apologize to them. The best thing to do is love yourself enough to get them out of your life. I believe that's why they exist, to teach us to love ourselves more.

[@cinderellalochlan7308]

It truly is not you or you to blame.

[@lilkinsella9677]

Thanks so much for your video. It explains so much about my daughters behaviour

[@tracyross5831]

It's Definitely NoT US,....... THEY HATE the Fact, that They are NOT Important........When WE ARE IN THE ROOM 👍🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@neemuzano8985]

Raised by a narc mom for 27 years without knowing what NPD is. Took me being admitted into mental health institute to even know what ACTUALLY happened.

[@fabioaa2025]

God is ready to save.😀

[@sll110]

me too, horrible narcissist mom, My biggest regret, that I didn't go to therapy major at college

[@haw3455]

My daughter is a narcissist. I just recently learned that after 40 years of a rollercoaster and getting beat up by her. I'm now staying away from her completely and I feel so at peace. I'm done, I don't need this stress and negativity in my life.

[@Sunshine-xx7gk]

I thought I would be the only one with a daughter like that. What do you do if there is grandkids. I love my grandkids.

[@haw3455]

@@Sunshine-xx7gk I have the same problem. Unfortunately, she has them under her control also, which means, I have to stay away from them as well. It hurts but there is no other way for me to have sanity and peace in my life.

[@Sunshine-xx7gk]

@@haw3455 thank you.

[@kailinyah8843]

Well she is that way because of you

[@beverleycumming1876]

The same with my oldest son…the roller coaster thing is an apt description

[@remnantresurrected8684]

Yes but you dont realize what they are doing until its too late often. Thank you for helping more people to recognize this.