physicists only have 5 jokes

[@cyphern]

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician are hunting a deer. They see it in the distance. The physicist calculates a parabolic trajectory, pulls back the bowstring the calculated amount and fires. The arrow lands 10 feet short. The engineer adds in a fudge factor for air resistance, pulls back the bowstring and fires. The arrow lands 10 feet long. The statistician yells "we got him!"

[@frankgonzalez607]

Yep, I think this really is funny. Hey, I laughed.

[@lasagnajohn]

This one got me, lol.

[@peterlustig8778]

That is actually funny.

[@Mankepanke]

Yeah, same here. Laughed for real. Thank you!

[@Randsurfer]

Very similar to the 'proofs' of 2 + 2 = 5.

[@edemerperson6199]

Heisenberg got pulled over, trooper asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?" "No sir I do not", replies Heisenberg. "80, you were doing 80." Heisenberg exclaims , "Great, now I'm lost."

[@mikaeus468]

"I'm an old man! Where am I?!"

[@KrasBadan]

I've heard this joke in compound with the Schrodinger and Ohm. After that the cop decided to check their trunk and found a dead cat, Schrodinger yelled "you killed it!". The cop started arresting them for it, but Ohm resisted.

[@indetigersscifireview4360]

That is funny!

[@philcourteney4328]

This is the joke I came here for 😁👍

[@Wishkeyn]

Newton, Pascal and Galileo were playing hide and seek, Newton picked up a stick and drew a square with 1m sides and stood inside it. When Galileo had finished counting he yelled "I found you Newton!", to which he replied "No, this is Pascal".

[@SIB1963]

A string theorist is kissing his secretary when his wife walks in. She bursts into tears and turns to run out. The string theorist yells, "Wait! I can explain everything!"

[@baoboumusic]

That's actually the first one that made me chuckle :D

[@parkershaw8529]

Definitely a good one.

[@cameronwalker294]

hahaha Now THAT's funny

[@Hollowd90]

I dont get it. Can u plz explain it?

[@baoboumusic]

@@Hollowd90 String theory claims it can explain everything, but it's hard to pin down

[@TomFarrell-p9z]

A zoo couldn't get their snakes to reproduce, until a mathematician advised them to put some dead trees in the terrarium. It worked, and they asked the mathematician how he knew. He answered, "They're adders, they need logs to multiply."

[@edwardblair4096]

That's funny, but it is a mathematician joke, not a physics joke.

[@Patrik6920]

@@edwardblair4096 ..well its the logs that matters ....

[@KilgoreTroutAsf]

This one is incredible

[@intvnut]

@@edwardblair4096 Not when they still used slide rules regularly. ;-)

[@chrisantoniou4366]

I didn't realize that Einstein was a real person. I always thought he was a theoretical physicist...

[@user-tc5pl3zw3h]

Oops... Looks like you got there first.

[@joewaren508]

Laugh out loud I finally got one😂

[@moonglaive]

Uuugggghhhhh

[@AnthonyHeaton-ih6rk]

That's better than the 2 jokes I bothered to listen to.

[@gowanturnbull1208]

Her future is not on the web.

[@tezzeret2000]

My personal favorite: Student: "What is spin?" Teacher: "Imagine a ball that's spinning but it's not a ball and it's not spinning"

[@asd-wd5bj]

And of course it's year 1 undergrad cousin "A tensor is a thing that behaves like a tensor"

[@olencone4005]

That reminds me of an art joke that riffs on those old "how to" guides: "How to draw Mickey Mouse... first, you draw a circle... then you draw a diagonal line bisecting the circle... then you draw Mickey Mouse holding the circle with a diagonal line bisecting it." :P

[@Nokkis]

Almost like a Zen koan

[@spiguy]

I never taught of it as a joke. It's a bit absurd, but weirdly it makes sense.

[@fariesz6786]

it's like category theory's "what is a monad?" except spin is actually useful as opposed to monads except except there's Haskell

[@adandap]

A countably infinite group of mathematicians walks into a bar. The first says "I'll have a beer". The second says "I'll have half a beer". The third says "I'll have a quarter of a beer". The bartender sighs and pours two beers and puts them on the bar, saying "you guys really should know your limits".

[@robr177]

This joke should have more likes

[@davidseim3064]

A software tester walks into a bar and orders one beer. A software tester walks into a bar and orders 0 beers. A software tester walks into a bar and orders 10 million beers. A software tester walks into a bar and orders -1 beer. A software tester through the window into a bar and orders a beer...

[@itzzausty]

@@davidseim3064The user walks into a bar and orders a can of coke.

[@vbcsalinasapologetics1242]

I was going to reply with a joke about an asymptote, but I couldn't quite get there.

[@The21stGamer]

@@itzzausty bar.exe crashes

[@matta5498]

A Higgs Boson walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "You've got some nerve walking in here. We have a lot of Catholic patrons, and they're pissed that people call you the God particle". The Higgs Boson says, "But without me, there wouldn't be Mass".

[@c.augustin]

Only works in English. Still a nice one!

[@ivoryas1696]

@matta5498 _Also,_ it's not even _it's fault_ it was called that! 😂

[@ivoryas1696]

@@c.augustin Huh... I didn't actually think that was a good point at first, but physics jokes _are_ normally pretty linguistically universal, aren't they? 😅

[@johnedwards2119]

Q: Why does a burger have less energy than a steak? A: Because it’s in its ground state.

[@bjornfeuerbacher5514]

I didn't know that one, thanks for the good laugh. :D

[@thejuggler42]

Great punchline, but I think we can do better for the setup :) Q: Why was the hamburger free of charge? Q: Why do they charge less for a burger than for a steak? Q: Why do electricians prefer burgers over steaks?

[@bjornfeuerbacher5514]

@@thejuggler42 "ground state" refers to the state of lowest energy (of an atom usually, but it is also used for other things), it has nothing to do with charge. So the original setup was spot on, your alternatives are actually worse.

[@thejuggler42]

It's also a term in electrical engineering. Sometimes words have multiple uses! @@bjornfeuerbacher5514

[@robinhammond4446]

standards.

[@zeveck]

Einstein developed a theory about space. And, boy, it was about time, too!

[@chrisantoniou4366]

I didn't realize that Einstein was a real person! I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.

[@toriless]

Actually, it was timespace, not as funny. At least we know what causes gravity now. We are moving too slowly

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Angela says that's not funny. I however, am laughing my butt off.

[@mykal4779]

​@@holeymcsockpuppetwhere did she say that?

[@danlock1]

@@holeymcsockpuppet Where is that on a holey sockpuppet? Just curious.

[@drucktown5]

100 quadrillion neutrinos walk into a bar, one of them says ouch.

[@paulie2009]

A tachyon backs into a bar...

[@nile6076]

this is the only one so far ive actually laughed out loud to. thank you.

[@DontMockMySmock]

very nice lmao

[@TheAngelsHaveThePhoneBox]

A neutrino walks into a bar and the barman says: "I'm sorry, we don't serve neutrinos here," and the neutrino replies: "That's fine, I'm just passing through." A room-temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says: "We don't serve room-temperature superconductors here!" The room-temperature superconductor leaves without any resistance.

[@tomwitte6369]

The simpler, the better. "A neutrino, walks through a bar....."

[@KevinMarks]

Progress in Physics: Newtonian Mechanics can't solve the 3 body problem Relativistic Mechanics can't solve the 2 body problem Quantum Mechanics can't solve the 1 body problem String Theory can't solve the vacuum

[@DB-thats-me]

I have trouble with the two body problem. I think it’s a lack of attraction.

[@CorporateZombi]

​@@DB-thats-melike when you try and explain biology to a girl you like, and on the one hand you have your gametes. And girls don't like that.

[@jefflittle8913]

Ok, I think I get 3 body, 1 body, and vacuum, but what is the 2 body problem? Are you referring to the ruler paradox?

[@BarakPearlmutter]

"Consider a spherical cow radiating milk uniformly" is the way we told it, because radiating milk uniformly is funny.

[@AwestrikeFearofGods]

"...neglecting air resistance."

[@robjohnston1433]

​@@AwestrikeFearofGods it's in a vacuum!

[@kumoyuki]

I only recall the spherical cow part from Case. Is that the grad school version?

[@ymdw45]

Barak, you're right, that is funnier!

[@hififlipper]

love it

[@elkudos6262]

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention. Then, in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, a fire breaks out in the engineer's wastebasket. The engineer rushes over to the bathroom, empties out the ice bucket, fills it with water and pours it into the trash can, dousing the fire. Satisfied that the problem was solved, the engineer goes back to sleep. Shortly thereafter, a fire broke out in the physicist's wastebasket. The physicist rushes to the bathroom, whips out his calculator, frantically does a few computations, pulls out a cup, fills it to a precisely measured level, and rushes back to the wastebasket, pouring the water onto the fire. As the last drop hits the flame, the fire goes out. Satisfied that the problem was solved, the physicist goes back to sleep. Finally, a fire breaks out in the mathematician's room. The mathematician rushes to the bathroom, sees the ice bucket, sees a cup, sees the water faucet. Satisfied that the problem could be solved, he goes back to sleep.

[@davcrav]

The mathematician moves the wastebasket into the engineer's room, thus reducing it to a previously solved problem.

[@kumoyuki]

so in my browser, only the engineer bit was above the fold. And I thought that was the end of the joke. WHy yes, I *am* an engineer ;)

[@gregorylewis4426]

So true! 😂 (Mathematician here.)

[@yonason6047]

The way I heard it, after the physicist makes his observations, he calls the engineer and tells him “there’s a fire in my waste basket. Come on over and I’ll tell you how to put it out.” After the mathematician makes his observations he say “A solution exists” and then goes back to sleep. Amazing how these things pick up variations over time.

[@alanevery215]

I'm an Engineer, I would not have wasted time emptying the ice, I would just have added water!

[@frustbox]

I think my favourite is from Futurama: "No fair! You changed the outcome by measuring it!"

[@UnshavenStatue]

honestly i always thought that marked the beginning of the end for futurama, i didn't find it all that funny

[@peter.g6]

@@UnshavenStatueFirst three seasons were amazing, it fell sharply after that.

[@aSpyIntheHaus]

Futurama is full of them. Lots of them visual.

[@aybiss]

I love when they travel to the edge of the universe and use a telescope to see the neighbouring universe where everyone is a cowboy. Fry asks if there are infinite universes but is informed that there's just two.

[@paulwinner2979]

My #1 go-to joke is "When does a joke become a dad joke?" "when the punch line becomes apparent".

[@L2p2]

a good dad joke on dad jokes !

[@cha0sniper]

*groan* CARLOS

[@robertdascoli949]

My wife said I was getting a dad bod. I said it's not a dad bod, it's a father figure.

[@talastra]

objectively the best

[@lilium724]

There's actually a 6th original physicist joke, but finding it is left as an exercise to the reader.

[@JimC]

No, that's a math joke.

[@baoboumusic]

For sufficiently low values of funny.

[@ronmasters751]

Straightforward but tedious!

[@pillescasdies]

@@JimCif you look at the formulae table you will see that because sin(x) = x therefore it’s a physics joke

[@davesmith9325]

​@@JimC im sure there was something about that written in the margin ?

[@AaronJames-oq2ii]

The funniest part (in my view) of the spherical cow joke is nearly always left off. The physicist says "imagine a spherical cow in a vacuum radiating milk uniformly in all directions..."

[@Margarinetaylorgrease]

Now it’s funny

[@HeyRandal]

Yes! I was going to post this same adjustment if someone else hadn't. "Radiating milk uniformly in all directions," is the best part! I hadn't heard it was in a vacuum, but that's good. And the set up was way too long for my taste. Thanks for posting. And thanks Angela for including this joke.

[@IstasPumaNevada]

Thank you. :)

[@bruceleenstra6181]

Another version that I've heard is "imagine a spherical cow in a vacuum. If you apply spin it will radiate milk uniformly in one plane." I guess a spinning ellipsoidal cow could radiate milk in all directions.

[@refoliation]

Honestly it’s better without.

[@TIO540S1]

“Because it’s only 10 years away…” Angela’s own physics joke.😂

[@seaskiprsailingexperiences9920]

might not be so silly an idea

[@birdbrainiac]

I was about to come here and say there's one more joke, and you just used it (this one). But now that I think about it, this might be the only channel where I've seen that used as a joke.

[@samilamby]

I can't believe that joke wasn't included in this list, literally any time a physicist brings up fusion it's quoted

[@pgkr62pljks1]

"10 years away" is a timeless engineering/r&d joke

[@michaelsommers2356]

@@seaskiprsailingexperiences9920 It's been hilarious for decades.

[@10acious_D]

I went to my local library the other day, and I asked the librarian if they had this one book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. She said that it rings a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

[@rumpvirus7393]

The phirst physicist to do Shrödingers cat as a joke was Claud Balls...

[@blackandgold676]

Ok... let me fix how you tell it: I went to my local library the other day, and I asked the librarian if "SHE" had this one book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. She said that the "title" rings a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not. It's clearer my way. You're welcome.

[@DracoBoros]

@@blackandgold676 Bet you’re a blast at parties.😒

[@blackandgold676]

@@DracoBoros I know how a joke should be told...

[@Alexus00712]

​@@blackandgold676​I disagree. "SHE" doesn't feel right because it's the library that has the book, not the librarian herself.. And "the title" isn't really necessary, because it's not like you wouldn't get the joke without being told that it's the title, we get what they meant the first time without issue..

[@ynvch]

- What's a polar bear? - A Cartesian bear after a coordinate transformation.

[@DerKiesch]

That one is great. Should get more likes.

[@walterbushell7029]

And either type of these bears can be transformed into a bipolar bear with simple coordinate transformation. So better to presume any bear in the wild is bipolar.

[@ynvch]

@@walterbushell7029 I do know they are soluble in water 🤭

[@AndyZach]

That's unbearable.

[@Priapos93]

And here I thought it was a bear that dissolved in water

[@MatthewBrpg]

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.

[@reav3rtm]

Classic

[@goodyhi6989]

Yogi Berra said it first.

[@himagainstill]

I prefer to phrase this as "The difference between theory and practice is that in theory there isn't one."

[@moebadderman227]

"In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, while in practice there is." - Benjamin Brewster, “The Yale Literary Magazine” (Feb 1882)

[@Ylyrra]

@@himagainstill I've always preferred it framed as a question. "What's the difference between 'in theory' and 'in practice'? In theory, nothing..."

[@arctic_haze]

The bartender says "We don't serve tachyons here." A tachyon walks into a bar.

[@BailelaVida]

This is super clever and hilarious

[@HH-mw4sq]

This deserves more likes. Brilliant. LOL!!!!

[@pacotaco1246]

Yeah this one is one of my favorites

[@stylis666]

Yawn. I'm sorry, but it's a hypothetical particle and the situation being hypothetical isn't part of the joke. Rejected.

[@EddieA907]

NICE

[@GeeThevenin]

Have you thought of numbering your list from 0-4?

[@BobAxiom]

Computer scientists have 10 jokes. Both of them are funny! Computer science dad joke for the win! 🙂

[@SSNewberry]

Maybe there will be 11 jokes - all three will be funny.

[@steffenbendel6031]

You mean, there are 10 types of person. Those who understand binary and those who not?

[@Anonymous-n4h]

Proud to be this comment's 42nd like

[@KenMathis1]

That was a parent

[@quintrankid8045]

What are the two most difficult problems in programming? 1) Naming things. 2) Managing caches. 3) Off by one errors.

[@PlanckRelic]

The two biggest jokes commonly written in text books are the word "trivial" and the phrase "left as an exercise for the reader"

[@bobtimster62]

Liked it!

[@Bpaynee]

I used to date a physicist (who also learned English as an adult). He would drive me up the wall with that word "trivial" 😂

[@kensmith5694]

I sometimes use the "obvious" version of that joke.

[@philipoakley5498]

"Surely" it's "just"..... are the two biggest trivial jokes..

[@blasphemer_amon]

"Simple corollary"

[@kylecow1930]

A favourite of mine in maths circles is A lecturer makes some remarks at the blackboard, and he said "this is obvious". A student raises his hand and says "sorry professor, I don't think that is obvious". The lecturer stares at the board, back at the students. He thinks for a bit. He starts pacing in front of the class, thinking. He looks back at the board. Eventually he leaves the room, comes back 20 minutes later and says "I've thought about it and yes, it is obvious".

[@Kody_C]

idk if it was a brilliant bit of intent or a happy coincidence but the "show more" button absolutely perfectly hid the punchline for this and I love it

[@Henriiyy]

Isn't this told as an anecdote about Wolfgang Pauli?

[@kylecow1930]

often i think yeah but afaik the real origin isnt super clear@@Henriiyy

[@JamEngulfer]

I’m really sorry but I don’t get it. Can you explain it for a non-maths person?

[@dikaionetai]

@@JamEngulfer you mean to say... it isn't obvious? 😆

[@FatDave2112]

So Einstein says to the conductor, "Does Baltimore stop at this train?"

[@jv-lk7bc]

if it was a westbound train...

[@mrpocock]

My favourite biology joke when teaching is "in school you learned the 3 Rs. Now you are in biology 101, we will be studying the three Fs - feeding, fighting and reproduction."

[@onradioactivewaves]

Feeding' fighting fornication

[@mrpocock]

@@onradioactivewaves close, but no cigar

[@isaz2425]

what are the 3 Rs ?

[@onradioactivewaves]

@@isaz2425 readin' ritin' and ryhtmatic

[@mrpocock]

@@isaz2425 reading, writing and arithmetic.

[@BarbarianGod]

every programmer has made two errors in their life: a memory leak, a stack overflow, and an off by one error

[@whom382]

That's funnier than anything she said but you can guess my profession.

[@billmartinson4205]

Love it! In my first year of college way back in 1981, one of the earliest concepts I remember my computer sci professor introducing was plus-or-minus-one error, and it quickly ingrained itself in my brain's OS. It shows up all over the place in real-world problems, not just software development. Often one of the first things I look for.

[@MuSic-ok7dh]

the two hardest problems in software development: naming things, cache invalidation and off-by-one errors.

[@TalkingBook]

most underrated meta joke!

[@pault151]

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

[@skeletorra1970]

At a university, a student must have been studying statistics becasue they were on the roof of the tallest building ready to jump off and unalive themself. The physics professor was walking by, realized what was about to occur and shouts, "Don't jump! You've got so much potential!"

[@yonason6047]

Shouldn’t that be “TOO much potential?” 🤓

[@earlmyers2874]

@@yonason6047 either version works. But yours is slightly better

[@HumanPhysicsPadawan]

I actually used statistical mechanics as a euphemism talking to psychiatrists in that situation

[@WadePEvans]

i'm 2 minutes in and I heard you say "...he grabs a piece of chalk and he walks to the white board..." and I was sold. you're a comic genius.

[@Merilix2]

Haha, lol. :D

[@nua1234]

More a mathematician joke: You have dialled an imaginary number. Please turn your phone through 90 degrees and try again.

[@TheBaggyT]

I'm a mathematician. I've never heard that one! Very funny!

[@emdiar6588]

There are only 10 types of people in this world - Those that understand binary, and those that don't.

[@lukearts2954]

Nah, you'll have to square it away and negate this joke if you want it to be positive...

[@oscargraveland]

@@lukearts2954 LoL.. You are right, of course, but why are (we) nerds so competitive when it comes to jokes? 😂

[@Jeffagain-v3h]

A mathematician or an electrical engineer...

[@fecklesstech929]

An ice cube sits at the bar, slowly dripping onto the floor. The bartender says "Hey buddy--why so sad?" and the ice cube says "I'm OK. I'm just going through a phase."

[@khanktinga]

The ice cube was in denial. If he was 0K, he wouldn't be melting.

[@DB-thats-me]

In the next chair was a block of dry ice. She was sublime. 👍🖖

[@marklawrence17]

A physicist goes to an ice cream parlour every week and orders an ice cream for himself and offers an ice cream for the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner asks him what he is doing. The man said “well I’m a physicist and Quantum Mechanics teaches us that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me” The owner says” well there are a lot of single beautiful woman come in here every day, so why don’t you buy an ice cream for one of them and they might fall in love with you”. And the physicist says “yeah, but what are the odds of that happening”!

[@mikewoodard6984]

I was a bit surprised that didn't make the list because it is actually funny. Especially when Penny tells it.

[@bruceackman4526]

That’s my brother’s dating system. He’s a 68 year old bachelor

[@timj9767]

I laughed out loud when I heard that on the Big Bang Theory, but only because I had just read about the "Boltzmann brain" on somebody's blog. Supposedly none of the cast of the show got the joke.

[@ClavisRa]

Logicians only have one joke, but they can derive every other joke from it. (Also they proved it's funny, and it only it took 257 pages.)

[@0biwan7]

3 logicians walk into a bar. the bartender asks "do you all want a beer?". the first says "i don't know". the second says "i don't know either". the 3rd says "yes"

[@quarksandaces2398]

@@0biwan7 I think that's a great Joke. But it's tough to apreciate, because it takes one or two minutes to figure out.

[@aNytmare]

Gödel knows a joke, that can't be derived from that one joke!

[@maxs.6635]

Whenever anyone asks me why I'm majoring in electrical engineering, I always say that it seemed like the path of least resistance.

[@kensmith5694]

Resistance is futile.

[@indetigersscifireview4360]

I need to meditate on that for awhile. Ohm ... Ohm

[@philcourteney4328]

Ohm my, that’s shocking! 😂

[@peterlustig8778]

That's a D(e)ad joke...

[@Alden_Indoway]

Perhaps you had the capacitance for it, so they inducted you into the field.

[@juskahusk2247]

A photon checks into a hotel. The concierge asks "Do you have any luggage?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light"

[@mechanicaldavid4827]

Anytime I hear a Schroedinger's Cat reference I can never know as a certainty if the cat is laughing.

[@zyxzevn]

Nobody saw him ever again.

[@talastra]

This too is a sweet one: C₁₂H₂₂O₁₁@@theostapel

[@ibizenco]

I am sure everyone knows the joke about the Higgs boson that walks into a bar.

[@talastra]

I tried, but couldn't find it.@@ibizenco

[@tsbrownie]

3 PhD candidates were doing their final defenses; a biologist, an engineer, and a physicist. The challenge from their advisory committee: Characterize a running horse. The biologist gets up and for 4 days explains ADP, ATP, the Krebs cycle, how muscles work, the nervous system, etc. She sits down exhausted. The engineer takes to the board and for 2 days talks about levers, actuators, stresses, forces, etc. Then he too collapses back into his seat. Finally, the physics student takes to the board, draws a large circle and says, "Imagine all horses are wheels."

[@20chocsaday]

Imagine a double decker bus. Not calculate its energy.

[@jamspandex4973]

Ah, now I leaned that joke as biologists, bookmakers and physicists, and the punch line was "we've solved the spherical horse in free space"

[@gordonlong5128]

One of my undergraduate textbooks had a line to the effect of "degenerate eigenstates are not necessarily reprehensible". Took me a while to understand the joke, partially because it had never occurred to me that there would be a joke in a physics textbook.

[@aquamarine99911]

Reminds me of reading an article in an economic text in undergrad, where the author nonchalantly referred to a piece of legislation as the "The Tax Lawyers and Accountants Relief Act of 1998". It took me a few beats before realizing that it was a joke (about the complexity of the statute).

[@Vagabond-Cosmique]

@gordonlong5128 Can you explain it for those of us who haven't studied physics?

[@PsychedelicChameleon]

@@Vagabond-Cosmique The joke part is that in common language "degenerate" is usually used as a derogatory remark about a person that the speaker assumes the listener would be disgusted and repulsed by in some way. The write of the book is saying that just because some eigenstates are degenerate, there is no reason to hate them. The physics part is something close to this: you may think of eigenstates as the possible outcomes or states of something before it is observed and is forced to be in the one, observed, state. If different observations eigenstates produce the observed state, they are described as "degenerate".

[@DB-thats-me]

@@PsychedelicChameleonWell I am glad you cleared that up! 😳😂

[@ravenlord4]

The absurdity of Schrödinger's cat reminds me of a math joke. A mathematician is looking at a house. He sees 2 people enter, and then he sees 3 people leave. He then thinks to himself "Wow! If one more person enters that house, it will be empty!"

[@chriskennedy2846]

The number 7 and the number 4 are standing on the sidewalk having an interesting conversation when a taxi cab pulls up. The square root of 2 jumps out of the cab and starts yelling a bunch of random nonsense, then runs off. The number 7 looks at number 4 and says: "I told you he was irrational."

[@stevenpace892]

I don't think he is a mathamatian, I think he is a theoretical physicist working on string theory.

[@hedgehog3180]

That reminds me of one my high school math teacher told us: e^x was walking along in a park when suddenly x^2 comes up to him and shouts “What are you doing! Don't you know there's a madman deriving everyone to 0!” but e^x answered “bwah I'm not scared of that!” and keeps walking. Then 1/x comes up to him and says the same but e^x keeps walking, after a while he's the only one in the park and remarks “it's good to be your own derivative” only for dx/dy to jump out of the bush behind him.

[@donaldhobson8873]

No says the statistician. It's a rounding error. On average 2.5 people went each way.

[@robr177]

Mathematicians treat negative numbers the same as positive numbers. When 3 people leave, there are exactly -1 people in the house, based on observation. Therefore, it requires one more person to enter in order for there to be 0 people in the house. @@stevenpace892

[@IkedaHakubi]

"Controled Fusion is only ten years away." I think that is the funniest physics joke.

[@dougrobinson8602]

It's certainly one of the oldest ones...

[@ColbyAzimuth]

They didn't say which ten years, did they?

[@ericivanov128]

Controlled fusion has been 10 years away for decades. Ergo, time is still.

[@snoopstp4189]

that's COLD man...

[@daicon2k6]

You told it wrong. It's: Controlled fusion is just over the horizon, keeping in mind that the horizon is an imaginary line which recedes as you approach it.

[@Airatgl]

“Because it’s only 10 years away…” was the best joke

[@kensmith5694]

I am old enough to remember when it was 25 years away.

[@ghoust592]

@@kensmith5694and when was that? 25 years ago?

[@kensmith5694]

@@ghoust592more like 50 years ago.

[@Zevrael]

It must be true. Experts have been saying so for decades.

[@Sturzfaktor2]

​@@kensmith5694That means "they" already have it but are hiding it from us. 🤔

[@TomFarrell-p9z]

"Taking the natural log of -1 is as easy as pi", Euler imagined.

[@Alexandria2003]

“I guess it’s free” still haunts my 16 year old self working at the checkout.

[@kensmith5694]

I had it happen to me for real. I was buying a lot of parts in a hardware store. Among this was a part that wouldn't scan. After several calls to the plumbing department to try to get someone to come tell her what it is, she just threw it in the bag and said "take it". I would not want to be the next person from hardware that had to deal with her because it was clear that she was more than a little angry. This much not have been the first time that day.

[@stuartp2006]

@@kensmith5694There's this one brand of Wasabi Peas that I like, but I don't buy often because the barcode is on a curved part of the can which never scans correctly and its a whole thing. I'm pretty sure retail has gotten pretty close to just letting me walk out with them.

[@sterlingphoenix]

If it helps, I usually say "You know what it means when it doesn't ring up? It means it's not in the system for some reason, do you want me to go check what the price was?"

[@cmmartti]

​@@sterlingphoenix Don't just offer to get the price because that doesn't really help. Instead, offer to go take a picture of the barcode on the shelf, because that will have the item number and description on it which the cashier can use to look up the SKU. This isn't the 1950s-product cannot be sold without a SKU because it throws off the inventory counts. Sure there are some rare exceptions, especially in smaller stores where things are more informal, but e.g. Home Depot won't sell anything without the SKU. Anyway, it's quite rare for something to be "not in the system", and if that's the case it means the store is not doing manual inventory counts frequently enough. Usually the entire store is counted 4 times each year, and SKU-less products get weeded out pretty quickly.

[@malcolmdavis-zl4xy]

Well that sounds like a 'Kafka event'. Which is, at least, twice as funny; if you know what I am referring to ! @@cmmartti

[@gabbajon5654]

heres one for the biologists: a joke is like a frog it stops working once you dissect it

[@antonf.9278]

I knew it like this: Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. you understand it better, but it dies in the process.

[@derekschmidt5705]

A bad joke is only one that you didn't provide enough setup for.

[@zyaicob]

​@@antonf.9278i learned it like explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog, no one enjoys it and the frog dies. Since i heard this joke i have referred to anyone explaining a joke as dissecting the frog and no one gets it

[@peanutnutter1]

Very appropriate

[@Qwertyuiop-p2s5f]

This made me want to drink coomassie blue

[@ElectricEvan]

99% of plasma physics experts regret having their favorite joke displaced. It's a dark matter for them.

[@travisterry2200]

Not bad. Not bad at all.

[@AndyZach]

That's funny!

[@toriless]

Not really, it left them with a truly dark energy

[@user-tc5pl3zw3h]

Kindred! Also, about 87.639% of all statistics are completely made up.

[@talastra]

But, seriously, does it matter.

[@ProgressiveSolutions]

True story: Physicist George Gamow was working on a paper about the big bang alongside his research student Ralph Alpher (who would go on to have quite the career in his own right). When it was ready for publication, he prevailed upon fellow physicist Hans Bethe to add his name to the list of authors. That way, when they submitted it, this paper on the beginning of everything was officially authored by Alpher, Bethe, Gamow.

[@witherschat]

Similar thing with the Cox-Zucker machine, where the two met and went like "we need to co-author a paper one day"

[@Sebastian_Niedermeier]

I agree that Schrodingers blank isn't a joke. But Heisenberg being uncertain made me laugh, though the same logic should apply...

[@Scerttle]

It made me laugh too. I think because it had the set up of a joke though instead of just being a reference.

[@fudgenuggets405]

Me too wrt the Heisenberg being uncertain comment.

[@ICanDoThatToo2]

But is it blank?

[@Sebastian_Niedermeier]

@@ICanDoThatToo2 It's worse I think. It's not even blank. Schrodingers blank illustrates something being in two states, Heisenberg being uncertain literally just namedrops his principle.

[@joshur2607]

i'm guessing that, like the original Schrodinger's joke, it's only funny the 1st time you hear it.

[@indoor_vaping]

The newest joke on the list is 20 years old? Physics hasn't accomplished anything in decades!!

[@FTZPLTC]

I was going to say "Supercollider? But I just met her!", but then I realised that joke is now 20+ years old. =(

[@rciafardone]

Say thanks to string theory for that

[@gravity_mxk5663]

LASERS!?!?

[@aadityaphadnis8399]

She should make a video about it.

[@user-tc5pl3zw3h]

Yes, but the next big thing is just ten years away.

[@stiofanmacamhalghaidhau765]

joining the consensus - 'its just 10 years away' is THE joke

[@Who_Let_The_Dogs_Out_10-7]

The first joke: "He picks up some chalk and goes to the white board...". I thought that was the joke.

[@alexneff]

The best

[@nagualdesign]

I did at first. 😊

[@DumblyDorr]

A friend who's in liquor production, Has a still of astounding construction, The alcohol boils, Through old magnet coils, He says that it's proof by induction. (stolen - but too good not to steal)

[@wossaaaat]

Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska made big news recently when they announced they'd discovered a superconductor that operates at room temperature.

[@kevinr.9733]

To be fair, a superconductor that functions at 40 degrees below zero without being under extreme pressure would still be a pretty big deal.

[@rawnet101]

I realise it is more math than physics, but one of my faves has always been: Q: What does Benoit B Mandelbrot’s middle initial stand for? A: Benoit B Mandelbrot! 😂

[@Evan490BC]

Infinite recursion FTW!

[@alexandermcclure6185]

His full name is Benoit Benoit Benoit Benoit Benoit ... Mandelbrot Mandelbrot Mandelbrot Mandelbrot Mandelbrot!

[@georgecaplin9075]

That’s funny. I smiled. I know it doesn’t sound like a glowing recommendation, but I found it funny.

[@mr.pavone9719]

I'm not a mathematician and I get it, that's pretty funny

[@zenphoenix]

shout out to GNU (GNU's Not Unix!)

[@proksenospapias9327]

I want to thank you Angela Coller, this video really affected me. I always wanted to become a physicist and your video was eye opening in regard to the truths of being a physicist. I will now pursue a career as a twitch moderator.

[@conkerfromopako]

In a reversal of the "Schrodingers X" joke, in software development, bugs that dissapear when trying to measure them (usually timing-related) are called "Heisenbugs"

[@pinkshortcomedy]

how did i only learn this now this should be in every multithreading 101 course

[@nosuchanimal6947]

also, the *only* acceptable use for the blink tag in html: "schrodinger's cat is not dead"

[@jjordan1728]

Software developer here. Other than the Heisenbug, canonical bug descriptions include the Mandelbug - gets more complex the more you look into it; and the Bohr bug, repeatable/predictable.

[@ahettinger525]

Also ones that disappear once you turn debugging on.

[@cosumel]

Pilots have them too. “Takeoffs are optional, but landings are mandatory.” “The propeller is just a fan to keep the pilot cool. Turn it off and watch him start to sweat.”

[@robr177]

"Learn from the mistakes of others, because you won't live long enough to make them all yourself."' "Start your day with a positive attitude." "What time was your landing?" "Which one?"

[@samspeed6271]

"Aircraft fly only because the full Navier Stokes equation is so ugly that the Earth tries to push the aerofoilaway" "Helicopters don't fly, they beat the air into submission"

[@jxh02]

@@samspeed6271 What is the one thing that keeps a helicopter in the air? The Jesus bolt, you say? No. It's money.

[@johnwest7993]

A very experienced former military pilot friend of mine who is rated in a ridiculous variety of aircraft,) offered to take me flying with him, but I'm a bit nervous even on commercial flights, (where the plane looks big enough to protect me.) My friend noticed my nervousness and said, "Don't worry. I haven't left anyone up there yet!"

[@gliderfan6196]

Two most useless things are the fuel you did not tank and the runway behind you

[@andylee3114]

Q: What is a tachyon? A: A gluon that hasn't dried yet.

[@toriless]

Or that joke, very tachy on the subject

[@VoCodebcv]

Great one!

[@user-tc5pl3zw3h]

NEW SHIRT!

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Perfect dad joke!

[@Anvilshock]

I'm stealing this and nobody can stop me.

[@shacharh5470]

Luxury. Mathematicians only have 3 jokes, up to isomorphism

[@Grecks75]

Underrated 😂

[@ianmcewan8851]

This was a fun vid! My fav niche joke for mathematicians is "What do you call someone who reads a category theory paper? A co-author".

[@johnjameson6751]

A co-mathematician is a device for converting co-theorems into ffee

[@davcrav]

I first read this as meaning that nobody apart from the authors reads a catgegory theory paper. Accurate.

[@johnjameson6751]

@@davcrav The double meaning is what makes the joke so good. It is not necessarily an insult to category theory - another joke is "How can you spot a conference on category theory from the proceedings? They only publish the abstracts."

[@christopherburrows6231]

At the veterinarians office: "About your cat Professor Schrodinger, there's good news and bad news ... "

[@quandary23]

After I mentioned how hard it is to keep up with all the literature that's constantly being published, my professor told a good one along the lines of "Papers are getting published so frequently that it's practically faster than the speed of light. And at that point, they don't have any information." Also, I tried to look up if it's true that the APS was banned from hosting conferences in Vegas because physicists were making too much money by exploiting algorithms in casino games. I found an article with a funnier suggestion for why casinos lost money: physicists were too busy talking and doing physics with each other to pay attention to the games or waiters. That, and the grad students taking full advantage of the discount buffet.

[@michaelsommers2356]

Your last sentence hits the nail on the head. Physicists go to meetings for the physics, not for the fun and games. They don't drink as much, either.

[@chrisl6546]

They did let the March Meeting back into Vegas in 2023 - I haven't gone in years and haven't heard any reports from it, but Vegas has added more non-gambling entertainment and the hotel rates are a lot less subsidized by gambling than they used to be. But people I know who were there in 86 basically said that nobody was gambling except for maybe a few people counting cards at the blackjack tables.

[@geneyounkin6789]

In the version I heard from my physics professor, the waitstaff was going around picking up napkins because the physicists were grabbing them all so they could draw diagrams. And there were a bunch of sex workers in the next room wondering why they couldn’t get any business frim such a large group of apparently straight men.

[@dominiccasts]

@@geneyounkin6789 Well if the sex workers came up to the physicists with novel takes on Lagrangians maybe they'd have gotten even the least bit of action.

[@jameshart2622]

My Dad continues to claim to this day that the second reason is completely true. The physicists were smart enough (and self-motivated enough) to not only not gamble but actually give most of their attention to the conference. They were actually there to talk shop and make progress on their research. People who end up with Physics Ph.D's tend to be rather self-motivated. It's a self-selected group.

[@hgarland]

This is a true story: my friends came over to see my daughter soon after she was born. My friends included a physicist (P.W.) and an engineer (P.F.). My daughter's initials, embroidered on her blanket, were E.R.G. Seeing these initials the physicist said "she is a bundle of energy!" The engineer said "she is your little joule."

[@Valery0p5]

So cute 🥰

[@PatrickKQ4HBD]

Naming your children to reap the benefits of obscure humor is A-level dadding.

[@hgarland]

@@PatrickKQ4HBD Thank you Patrick! 73, Harry (WA6VYT).

[@theclearsounds3911]

A particle store is selling protons and electrons. But, it's giving away neutrons because there's no charge.

[@hunterm9]

Phycists only have three states of jokes. For the purposes of this text they are anomalies and will be ignored

[@protorhinocerator142]

I heard a physicist tell what I assumed was a really funny joke. But then after 2 years I finally tracked down all the references and citations. Turns out the joke wasn't funny.

[@toriless]

​@@protorhinocerator142prove it in the footnotes

[@dj_laundry_list]

I guess the text didn't care about being super critical

[@peterpicroc6065]

Professor draws a line on the blackboard and says "imagine a conductor made of copper", then pauses and painstakingly erases the line. Drawinga new line, he says "please excuse me, imagine a conductor made of aluminum"

[@user-tc5pl3zw3h]

Had that actual guy for three classes in college.

[@talastra]

Imagine a conductor on a train.

[@joehimes9898]

Now that‘s funny

[@GOLaun]

Had an electronics professor fill 6 blackboard proving why a transistor worked a certain way. At the end, he paused, pointed at the result and stated "zat is wrong". Turned out he left out a negative at the beginning.

[@_Epidemic_]

Sorry I am dense can someone explain the joke?

[@WTH1812]

The 3 states of matter: Does, Doesn't, Don't care

[@ytiralc]

“As humans, we have invented lots of useful kinds of lie. As well as lies-to-children ('as much as they can understand') there are lies-to-bosses ('as much as they need to know') lies-to-patients ('they won't worry about what they don't know') and, for all sorts of reasons, lies-to-ourselves." -Sir Terry Pratchett "lies-to-children" is perfect for learning, and most of these jokes are aimed at that sort of level.

[@geraldfrost4710]

We need to believe in the lies in order to create what does not yet exist. To be the place where the rising ape meets the falling angle. The Lybrarian nodded and said, "Ook."

[@mcolville]

A mechanic, an engineer, and a programmer are driving to Las Vegas. Halfway across the desert, the car conks out. The mechanic says "I think we're out of gas. We could walk to a gas station." The engineer says "I think we exceeded the heat tolerance of the radiator, and it overheated. We should just wait and see if it runs again after it cools down." The programmer says "Let's all get out and get back in again!"

[@vishrutwatcheswhat]

Mathew colville and I are pegged by the algorithm

[@greenpeppersalad]

funny seeing you here

[@JordanBiserkov]

"Let's all get out, _close all windows_ and get back in again!"

[@godminnette2]

You have such a distinctive delivery style on-camera that it elevates anything I see you write when reading it in your voice. I don't think I even found the joke funny, but I sure liked "hearing" you say it! The power of strong presentation identity.

[@GrantWaller.-hf6jn]

​@@JordanBiserkovthat's good. Is the background black or blue

[@richard7crowley]

Patron walks into a library. Patron: "Do you have a book about Pavlov's Dog and Schrödinger's Cat"? Librarian: "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it is checked out."

[@MarinaHolistica]

Best joke yet ;D

[@peanutnutter1]

*it's

[@DavidSmith-vr1nb]

​@@peanutnutter1 Contractions are not a universal requirement, they're just a feature of informal writing and colloquial speech. Also using the full words removes ambiguity.

[@peanutnutter1]

@@DavidSmith-vr1nb the ambiguity would fix the joke.

[@dma8657]

Trading on the equivocation of it IS checked out and it HAS checked out.@@peanutnutter1

[@davidbesant]

I thought a physicist was just someone who makes soda.

[@mobatyoutube]

Mathematical knot theorist. An undergrad has a knot theorist as his advisor. On the first meeting, the undergrad asks "So what kind of math do you like? The advisor answers "Knot theory." The undergrad replies "Me either!"

[@MPKampersand]

A knot theorist walks into a bar with his dog. The bartender says "you can't have that dog in here!" The knot theorist says "Oh, don't worry, he's very well trained - he comes to work with me every day." The bartender says "Oh yeah? Well if that's true, he must know some knot theory", turns to the dog, and says "Hey there boy, name an invariant." The dog says "Arf!" The bartender rolls his eyes and throws them out of the bar. Outside the bar, the dog looks at the knot theorist and says "I probably should have said the Jones Polynomial."

[@misterjaxon2559]

The best way for a college student to identify what kind of lab he's in: If it crawls, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.

[@emmynoether9540]

There's a similar rhyme in German: "Chemie ist das was knallt und stinkt, Physik ist das was nie gelingt."

[@peter_smyth]

My take is this: - If it infects you, it's biology. - If it poisons you, it's chemistry. - If it irradiates you, it's physics.

[@athousandlives7231]

I assure a lot of things don‘t work in biology lab either

[@SashaInTheCloud]

If the beginning of each lab involves fixing the lab equipment, it's electronics

[@ElukeNL]

@@SashaInTheCloudsadly true.

[@Soundbrigade]

Higgs boson tries to enter a church but is being stopped at the door. “But without me, there’ll be no mass”, protests the boson.

[@davidgustavsson4000]

When I've heard this before, the denial of entry is justified by "You claim to be the God particle, that's heresy". Without this it doesn't make sense someone would be barred from a church.

[@reznovvazileski3193]

@@davidgustavsson4000 It doesn't make much sense that a Boson is speaking. Jokes aren't funny anymore if you write them for accuracy over punchline.

[@rmdodsonbills]

@@reznovvazileski3193I think the point is that with the heresy line, the whole joke is funnier.

[@cameronwalker294]

Cute. But only for Catholics I think.

[@nikthefix8918]

One Hydrogen atom says to another "I lost an electron". "Are you sure?" asks the second. "Yes" replies the first, "I'm positive".

[@nicksharpe2942]

Schrodinger's vet: "Dr Schrodinger? It's about your cat: I have some good news and bad news...."

[@ecofriend93]

Shouldn't it be 'or bad news?'

[@billyalarie929]

@@ecofriend93oh shit

[@WideNerdy]

​@ecofriend93 Actually "and" still works but I know what you're saying and "or" is funnier.

[@VitrolicInsanity]

How about Schrodinger's joke? You don't know if it's funny or not until you hear the punchline.

[@DeclanMBrennan]

When walking dogs on leads in a forest, the higher energy they have, the quicker they become entangled with the environment.

[@deang9061]

Two atoms walk into a bar, and one says "I think I lost an electron" the other atom says "are you sure?" "I'm positive"

[@Scaw]

Reminds me of the time when a haughty lady approached George Bernard Shaw, and asked him, "are you Shaw?" Shaw replied, "Madam, I'm positive"

[@zakkus]

I think its important to note that Angela is an example of a very funny physicist

[@geraldfrost4710]

Yep. She almost smiled a couple of times.

[@FormIsContent]

She is the very model

[@vanityscar424]

loved it when she adjusts her glasses like "i DO know Einstein's equation" and she's like flexing a bit.

[@malcolmdavis-zl4xy]

Ha, ha! I see what you did there. @@FormIsContent

[@JeffSchall]

@@FormIsContent ...of a modern major physicist?

[@bareakon]

The fact that we as physicists take Schrodinger's Cat seriously as a teaching tool for quantum physics is quite funny. Erwin is both spinning and not spinning in his grave simultaneously.

[@martymcfly1776]

My first quantum mechanics course was in third year. I frankly didn't believe what the professor was teaching us. I thought what he was saying was so obviously wrong that he must have misunderstood what he was trying to tell us. I found that type of confusion was fairly common with my professors. Then I ran into the Schrodinger's cat thing and I understood. The thing about Schrodinger's cat example is not that it's so ridiculous that it proves Quantum Mechanics is false. The thing is that it's a perfect example of how Quantum Mechanics actually works.

[@TheRocketSmith]

An atom walks into a bar and the bartender says "You look terrible!" the atom replies "I know, I lost an electron." the bartenter says "Are you sure?" the atom replies "I'm positive."

[@olencone4005]

You can never trust an atom -- they make up everything! 😸

[@chriskennedy2846]

Then the bartender says: "Three quarks for Muster Mark."

[@PlanckRelic]

Upon meeting after some time apart: Physicist A: "What's new?" Physicist B: "c over lambda"

[@jonwesick2844]

omega over 2 pi

[@snared_]

A: what’s new? B: defines Nu Fixed that for you

[@tjzambonischwartz]

This makes me irrationally angry

[@KaiseruSoze]

I don't use nu, I use f.

[@peterlustig8778]

get real..

[@jameshart2622]

My favorite physicist joke takes a bit to get going, but bear with me. It's worth it. There's a construction worker who's feeling unfulfilled in his marriage, and he's begun to think about getting a mistress. He realizes this is kind of a big deal, so he decides to ask his friends about it. First he asks a lawyer friend. The lawyer friend said "Do you have any idea the kind of legal trouble you'd be in if your wife tried to divorce you? The constant litigation, the legal fees, all the problems? Leave well enough alone, I say." Then he asks an investor friend. The investor friend says "Well, there's always little perks to it in the short term, but I don't see it having the proper return on investment in the long term. Better to reinvest in what works." Lastly, he asks a physics friend. The physics friend says "Oh yeah, getting a mistress is great. Highly recommend." He says "Really?" "Yeah," the physicist replies. "See, when you're not with your wife, she thinks you're with the mistress. When you're not with the mistress, she thinks you're with the wife. You can _finally_ spend some proper time in the lab."

[@davidvhoustonmobile2537]

Love it!!!!

[@physnoct]

Worth it!

[@BelgianSquirrel]

Being a man, I can find this kind of funny. But do you realize that this joke is incredibly sexist?

[@davidvhoustonmobile2537]

@@BelgianSquirrel , so change it to e.g. a woman executive on taking a lover.

[@benjaminmichael5719]

@@BelgianSquirrel nice 5:20 reference!

[@joemedley195]

The problem with physics jokes is that you don’t know whether they’re funny until you observe them.

[@benzyl350]

I like the idea of your physicist origin story is you were fed up with being a waitress so you changed career paths on a whim.

[@stevenpace892]

The real joke is that she was a bad waitress, but still had to take a pay cut to become a physicist.

[@CaptainDisillusion]

In the end, none of them are as funny as the 11:33 cutaway.

[@billcook4768]

Nice

[@kensheck2049]

That did make me LOL for real.

[@t.j.webster5545]

Nice

[@Brent-ln9bc]

She's really really bad at telling jokes. But that did make me laugh 😆

[@JeffSchall]

Nice. I literally laughed out loud. She doesn't seem like she has a "normal" sense of humor, but then her inner-7th grader appears out of nowhere, as if conjured by the ghost/non-ghost of Schrodinger's Cat.

[@MykePagan]

A neutron goes into a bar and orders a drink. The neutron asks how much it costs, and the bartender says: “For you, no charge”

[@Jack0trades]

You know how to tell if you're talking to an extroverted engineer? When he talks to you, he looks at YOUR shoes.

[@pocket83squared]

;)

[@robertcartwright4374]

This is a philosopher's joke, not a physicist's , but what the hey, I'm a layman, both those disciplines are incomprehensible to me: Philosopher stands at the podium, and begins his talk by saying "It is interesting to note that, while in many natural languages a double negative equals a positive, there is no natural language in which a double positive equals a negative." Man at the back: "Yeah, yeah ..."

[@robr177]

Philosophy (noun): The science of just making shit up and sounding smart.

[@robertcartwright4374]

Here's an alternate definition: "Philosophy is something to occupy smart people so they don't cause problems for rich people".@@robr177

[@ThomasKundera]

@@robr177: No.

[@rbdogwood]

We have an answer in Scotland 'Aye, right'.

[@gliderfan6196]

The alternative setup is a linguist who says for natural languages you can express a negative by single negative, double negative or even a single positive, but there is no natural language in which a double positive equals a negative... Yeah, sure! In my native language double neg is neg, not a positive, BTW

[@reallymadnomad7330]

Three physicists went to a party. Nobody noticed.

[@tobistein9831]

Brutal 😂

[@girtbysea7831]

Professor: how did you find the lecture on absolute zero? Student: it was OK.

[@YayComity]

confess, took a second reading

[@dedwardskbd]

Or OR?

[@BrennanYoung]

very witty but not very funny

[@cyclopentadien2221]

For absolute temperature scales you just write 0. So it is not 0K.

[@hedgehog3180]

It was 0K but not much work got done.

[@kai-uwetack4556]

A cow is not spherical, but a torus!

[@mk1st]

Perhaps even one of those Klein manifolds.

[@0biwan7]

that's a load of bull

[@ps.2]

Yes but that's what the mathematicians would say. What do physicists have to do with topology? Other than that they too use coffee cups.

[@camramaster]

Um... Maybe? What is the topology of a cow?

[@olencone4005]

17:47 "One time they asked Heisenberg if he thought the Schrodinger's Cat joke was funny, and he said he was uncertain -- see, that's not funny, either." uhh... is it bad that I thought that was flippin hilarious? 😹

[@AndrewBlucher]

Does flippin hilarious mean that it's hilarious and not hilarious at the same time?

[@olencone4005]

@@AndrewBlucher hmm... I'm not sure :P

[@miashinbrot8388]

I laughed at "Uncertain" myself.

[@kenchilton]

When they asked Einstein about Heisenberg’s answer, he suggested that we roll dice to see if it was funny.

[@lynndevos2278]

Writes itself

[@the-pink-hacker]

The three most common problems in computer programing are: 1. Naming 2. Off by one errors

[@willmungas8964]

There are only two hard problems in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors

[@magnetospin]

That seems like a derivate of the joke: "There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can't count."

[@kensmith5694]

@@magnetospinYes it really is the same sort of joke. There is another version where it is said that there are two issues in programming: 0: Uninitialized pointers 1: Numerical overflows 2: Off by one errors.

[@orterves]

​@@magnetospin there are 11 types of people in the world, those who can count in binary, those who can't, and - shit off by one

[@ChaoticLifemaker]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who know binary and those who don't@@magnetospin

[@Prymalfire]

There are 2 types of people in this world. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data...

[@josepherhardt164]

Meta-version: There are 2 types of people in this world: those who divide people into 2 types, and those who don't. :)

[@gregoswald7723]

There are two types of people in this world: Those who ask, and those who don't.

[@talastra]

There are 10 types of people in the world.@@gregoswald7723

[@talastra]

There are 3 types of computer programming errors: errors of syntax, and off-by-one errors.

[@AlwaysBeAMoose]

There are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

[@jukkauh]

A physicist, mechanical engineer, and computer scientist are in a car on a road. The car loses its breaks and goes over a cliff, but they survive and the car is intact. The physicist wonders what trajectory caused them to be so lucky. The mechanical engineer asks why the breaks have failed. The computer scientist says, "let's take it back up and try again and see if it does the same thing again."

[@thedroolfool]

I was trying to explain GD&T profile tolerances and I told a group of engineers, "Imagine a cow-shaped sphere" and nobody got it. :(

[@CheMechanical]

As an engineer with an interest in physics and 40 years of experience, I’ve never heard of this spherical cow thing before until this video. It’s not something we’ve run into, and it probably depends on which physics teachers you have over the years. Unfortunately, that means I don’t find it funny at all, and I don’t understand why not.

[@darrenevans9862]

Every couple in a field has its moment

[@howwitty]

Tee hee!

[@SloverOfTeuth]

Then there's the moment of an impulsive couple.

[@ma3xiu1]

...and the closer the couple, the less the torque... (my high school physics teacher told me that one many many years ago)

[@cyborg555]

Two atoms are walking down the street and one of them says, "Oh my God… I've lost an electron!" And the other one says, "Are you sure?" In the first one since, "Yes, I'm positive!" Also… A uranium atom sees a neutron coming straight for it and says to its neighbors, "Sorry guys… I have to split."

[@SashaInTheCloud]

Oof, that's going to make a population dip

[@dchall8]

1950s beatnik slang. Nice.

[@IdoZatTimeInaVan]

It's two Hydrogen atoms.

[@cyborg555]

@@IdoZatTimeInaVan Sorry I should've kept my ion the details of the joke.

[@TheSadowdragonGroup]

I’ve always heard the Spherical Cows joke as “I’ve figured out the solution, but it only works on perfectly spherical cows in a vacuum”

[@avinoamwcat]

"only works on" misses the point. for a physicist a spherical cow in a vacuum is a good approximation of the real thing and the solution is valid, with some error margin.

[@TheSadowdragonGroup]

@@avinoamwcat I think it’s a decent critique of the way some theoretical physicists treat their models and simplified solutions as if they’re actually applicable to the real world. If you construct your solution using spherical cows in a vacuum, there’s a very good chance that it won’t work on irregular cows at 1 bar.

[@avinoamwcat]

​@@TheSadowdragonGroupexactly. if the physicist says "only works on" they exhibit an understanding that it's only a model and this ruins the joke.

[@ericy4522]

@@avinoamwcat @TheSadowdragonGroup Or in other words, science now needs a General Spherical Bovine Theory?

[@rthompsn2007]

The first version I heard was the physicists who figured they could make a killing by being able to analyze horse races. For the first approximation "Assume a spherical homogeneous horse..."