40 Ridiculous Real News Headlines

From a man who - eww - beat off a cougar with his own hands to Tiger Woods’ preference for playing with his own balls, we count 40 crazy headlines that were actually printed in real newspapers
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Video narrated by Pipeattack
Video produced by Planet Dolan PTY LTD and Danger Dolan™
Image credits & information sources for this video: pastebin.com/0ML9JuEw
Planet Dolan PTY LTD and Danger Dolan™ have made reasonable inquiries within the timeframe available to identify the source of any images used and attribute the source accordingly.
"Cool Vibes" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
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"Shades of Spring" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
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"Kool Kats" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
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[@darkforces4042]

"Diana was still alive hours before she died" No shit Sherlock.

[@RyanDalton170]

darkforces its a satirical newspaper... they on purpose write stupid headlines. DangerDolan (and americans in general) need to research things like this

[@420DankSmokin]

ask said by the late great honey brown- ain't nobody got time for dat.

[@RyanDalton170]

I just meant the channel, no "Dolan" the guy. I know there are multiple people who do this channel... My point still stands

[@theskwiffy1]

+Ryan Dalton its the same as the onion

[@synedrus_]

***** You know I'm sure it's not just American's that could benefit from reaserching stuff. Jesus Christ, I hate people who think they're so high and mighty.

[@L00NGB00W]

I plan to be alive seconds before I die.

[@isaac5111]

L00NGB00W i prefer to die seconds before i die ;O

[@Mrshadowman460]

weird i have the same plan

[@caoilinnplaysyt8297]

Hopefully you live to see that become a reality

[@TheMysticFacts]

perfect plan

[@jessicaawesomeness7172]

Same here

[@brokesigil7313]

Did you know birthdays are good for your health? Statistics show that the people that have had the most birthdays have lived the longest.

[@winterschnee5616]

No. Goddamn.way!

[@lakotaguidinger9590]

+Keagen Fife Exactly what I thought!

[@adrii7186]

Shut the front door.....

[@issultal7705]

Mind blown

[@winterschnee5616]

Did you know that dying is bad for you? Stats show that 100℅ of people die after dying

[@don8799]

Recent studies have shown that if you close your eyes, you can't see.

[@colinp2238]

Does that work in the dark too?

[@dededethesuperstarwarrior]

Holy shit they never told me that on school.

[@SailorSunshine]

Is that a tricked question?😉

[@colinp2238]

Shannon Sunshine only if you are easily tricked ;-)

[@kawimason361]

+colinp2238 😄😄😄LMAO

[@Mr.Preston3991]

Studies have shown that sitting down means that you are no longer standing up

[@tomato-tomatti4052]

My life is a lie ;-;

[@PrincessMuk]

Oh my gosh when did this happen?!

[@truebrit4872]

Recent studies show that recent studies that have studied recent studies show that recent studies are a load of ....... !

[@Mr.Preston3991]

***** 😂😂

[@Mr.Preston3991]

1st Up I don't follow...

[@floof_hair3857]

People die when they are killed...

[@floof_hair3857]

Its a reference from a badly translated anime sub ( I honestly forgot which one now)

[@batfamenjoyer]

+connorwillett and so are you.

[@denoseyhan98]

Anime is childish.

[@floof_hair3857]

SOME anime is childish... Others are hectic

[@zihaochen2769]

+Denoseyhan WWE if you think anime is childish, then you havent watched Death Note.

[@brokesigil7313]

Did you know that most people are born at a very young age?

[@SmellyDonutSpawn]

I was born at 32 :P Then my de-aged.

[@_zander1025]

They are?! This is life changing!!

[@tomato-tomatti4052]

Rlly?! Everything is clear now...

[@deathly5140]

REALLY wow I never knew that lol jk the news is dumb of course someone would be alive before they died death comes after life... unless you had a past life then its life death life death

[@IshmetKhan]

Ya... and many of them were born without their consent too.

[@TnseWlms]

If Shakespeare were alive today, he would turn over in his grave.

[@patrickdinneen4492]

+FelixTheFake mate I dunno, I imagine they still sold some seriously dodgy rags back in his day too - it's almost an ancient UK tradition - sometimes it's hard to tell if the writers are taking the piss or not, lol - I don't think they care as long as they get their bread...

[@TnseWlms]

Another sobering headline: Nearly half of Americans earn less than the national median income level.

[@TnseWlms]

Michael Delamere If Shakespeare were alive today, he wouldn't be in a grave.

[@TnseWlms]

"Here lies the body of Jonathan Mound. Lost at sea and never found."

[@mintgumdropz1]

+Michael Delamere lol, Let 'em eat cake. :)

[@erickhill6928]

You misread a lot of the headlines

[@ChibisOnTheLoose]

sdrawkcabsihtllepsotemkoottignolwohaedionevahuoY I actually just misread that comment XD

[@alvinhasal4378]

can read better than that guy, seriously

[@DashNothing]

+Chibis On The Loose Yeah, me too

[@jeremyschlichting823]

sdrawkcabsihtllepsotemkoottignolwohaedionevahuoY 2/40 isn't that bad and it really wasn't that annoying

[@odsantos8889]

Me too XD LMAO

[@dixie_rekd9601]

Do a "top 10 illiterate KZbin narrators" We all know who number 1 is...

[@bruechel]

AwesomeVindicator It really was cringe worthy.

[@alphapt9370]

AwesomeVindicator Yeh, I was wondering myself on the quantity of fails he had this video...

[@dixie_rekd9601]

***** if you insist on being pedantic, what evidence is there that he CAN read? for all we know he is reading the lines parrot style while someone whispers them in his ear (and incorrectly at that)

[@leahs.147]

Do a "top 10 dumbest youtube comments" We all know what number 1 is. BOOM.

[@joie9540]

+Leah Stafford I have the weirdest boner right now

[@AtotehZ]

1:00 Bottom of the page "Do you think Diana is still alive? Or have you..." Call if you do, call if you don't and don't forget the check. 7:10 try reading the article, it's gold.

[@JessicaHuangTheQuetzalKirin]

+AtotehZ Apparently it might have worked, seeing as he just hit the line.

[@lonelyghost1851]

Fucking gold.

[@andrewstevenson4511]

+AtotehZ "People were leaving the court room with tears in their eyes trying not to laugh" lolalso since when is Paris anywhere near morocco they are on two different continents!

[@mintgumdropz1]

+Super Hans oh my gawd... it is the original 9 line :) lol

[@butterfly0277]

+AtotehZ I read the entire article, and that is comedic gold!

[@chant448]

studies says:if you sit your not walking anymore..

[@404User-Not-Found]

did you know that if you scream you will no longer speak normally while you are screaming?

[@HammerBlow500]

RIP Dolan..

[@coocat5840]

***** What about it?

[@tottythetwink6189]

+NillaxChu (The Official Noob) And? Go on. I'm very interested in what you have to say.

[@kattenelvis1778]

HammerBlow500 I dont give a fuck as long as the list is good

[@lpselsified5285]

Where is Dolan?

[@thomasthedankengine9536]

Dead

[@hypatiaatheiria9647]

Private eye' is a satirical paper so their deadline was their sort of thing they would produce

[@alisdairmckenzie]

Was just about to say the same. Good

[@ayyylmao101]

:DDDDD

[@thegoldyeti3192]

deadline and headline have different meanings tou know

[@crustylemonnastycitrusthem7391]

WARNING: unrelated comment Lol, I was trying to teach my friend to play Terraria, and for some reason I'm like "falling into lava is bad for your health."

[@angelinaulanska3435]

XD oh lol

[@jeremiaholszewski1844]

You can into it if you have Skin made of OBSIDIAN! Oh wait.

[@somethingbad7157]

Really? I cant begin to imagine why that might be........

[@elechronic]

Being killed may cause death

[@kagekun101]

fun fact: people die when they are killed

[@nataliehawkins4196]

kagekun101 Omg thanks for the heads up! definitely helped

[@catertime3558]

Resurrection.

[@37willdog]

This is much better than his first video. Good job Pipebomb!

[@Gwhit3y34]

pipeattack*

[@motownkittens4905]

*pipeattack

[@odsantos8889]

AttackPipe*

[@tommy-xi7pb]

pipe*attack

[@VideoGameMantis]

37willdog pippttk*

[@xyronox]

Thanks to the news guys, I'll make sure not to take poison or have sex often.

[@bailey2114]

Yousif Alfuraiji You're a virgin stfu.

[@420DankSmokin]

Me and my partners poison ourselfs with syringes before sex.

[@SniPeRtHieF]

Yousif Alfuraiji Fuck off Vonderhaar...

[@xyronox]

Toady Yea because if I'm not, I would be in jail.

[@bailey2114]

Yousif Alfuraiji No, I lost my virginity at 14 am i in jail? No.

[@Nikeboi77]

Did you know that your birthday is the same day you were born? Thats crazy

[@rossb8370]

Scientists have no idea how or why this could have happened.

[@Cecilpedia]

I saw this video that had this kid looking at the calendar and he said, "Mom, guess what... I WAS BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY!" No joke.

[@rossb8370]

TheFangirlMusician 0990 That made my day. XD

[@somestrawberry2262]

beny wolde Where's the proof? I wont believe it until I see it!

[@elechronic]

All my friends have birthdays this year! :D

[@angelina9314]

recent studies prove that if you drink water, you quench thirst.

[@ethan7252]

Weird, I have the sudden urge to go number 1 an hour after drinking water

[@quinnsaturn]

The human body has enough bones to make a skeleton.

[@renidere]

Woah......really?

[@xtrashocking]

You are such a liar! everyone knows that the human body does not have enough bones to make a skeleton... durrrr

[@renidere]

+Sarah Neal Woah....I didn't know that!!!

[@celestialtree8602]

YOU DON'T SAY! :O

[@paulol7224]

That sp00ks

[@valenciavazquez8515]

Recent studies show that f you hold your breath, you can't breathe.

[@valenciavazquez8515]

*if

[@keelihash8432]

Valencia Vazquez If you excuse me, I have to say my last goodbyes.

[@eevee1583]

Valencia Vazquez OMG glad I know now!

[@samc8941]

Valencia Vazquez no way, that's so crazy

[@alexharris6808]

1:00 He completely missed the fact that it says to call a number of you've seen them, and if you haven't to call the EXACT SAME NUMBER.

[@alexharris6808]

*if you've seen them

[@yorickaname9475]

+Alex Harris... go back and look at numbers 6 and 5! At the bottom of the paper on #6 it states that the bird stole the man's 700 pound wad... LMAO... and the article on #5-- he is suing over "the cites" remarks... (city's)

[@thefadedshadow3153]

at the bottom of the page it says the calls cost is on page 94... WHAT? You have to pay to make a worthless phone call...? OMG I'm so confused

[@avaggdu1]

Private Eye is a satirical publication that deliberately prints funny headlines. It's not a real article.

[@natewitecki7826]

Twenty five hundred thousand dollars

[@naomialexander832]

+Nate Witecki I admit, I got pretty confused when he said that. XD

[@Feverie]

+Nate Witecki Two hundred and fifty thousand pounds

[@MarbleFox162]

+Nate Witecki For you slow people, he basically said Two thousand five hundred thousand. ($2500000,000.00)

[@downshineintoupsmash1882]

+Quentin M Or, in literal terms, $2,500,000

[@mintgumdropz1]

+Nate Witecki I caught that,and had to lol.

[@sescomanesco]

Dolan Logic: Top 40 List=9 minutes; Top 10 List=15 minutes

[@michaeledmunds1767]

+mistrsee They go into more detail on the top tens.

[@yorickaname9475]

+Michael Edmunds I think mister see's point was they go into waaaaay too much detail on the top 10's... and I think that pretty much was obvious! lol

[@captainobvious9201]

Wow I just found out the most interesting thing! My birthday was on the day I was born!

[@MisterTalkingMachine]

+Derptastical Your username makes it even better.. Seriously though, I remember my parents explaining me exactly that when I was like 2-3 years old.

[@captainobvious9201]

xD

[@uhoh9]

Omg me too! That's so weird, as it happened for only EVERY OTHER PERSON IN THE WORLD, I can't believe the chances!

[@echokarn868]

wow! we have something to common. 😝

[@Gardivanyth]

+Derptastical What else is crazy is the fact that I was born in a hospital! Maybe I'm special. No one else ever talks about that.

[@erictaylor5462]

4:40 What do they mean, "rarely" does that mean they do occasionally talk to police? I'm thinking that reporting your own murder to the cops might raise more questions about you than your "killer"

[@THEPELADOMASTER]

+Eric Taylor Poor choice of words, but it's referring to failed murder attempts.

[@erictaylor5462]

+THEPELADOMASTER Homicide victims are, by definition, dead. Attempted murder is not homicide. Nor is the victim a homicide victim. In fact, even homicide isn't always murder. Homicide, legally, is the killing of a human being BY a human being. Murder is the UNLAWFUL killing of a human being. If you kill a combatant in war, or you kill a person who is trying to murder you, or you ACCIDENTALLY kill someone, while still homicide, it is NOT murder. In most cases, under these conditions, it is perfectly legal to kill a person. Accept for accidentally killing a person, which may be negligent homicide, which, in some cases may be considered a crime (manslaughter).

[@THEPELADOMASTER]

Eric Taylor Geez, you didn't need to go full douchebag with that answer. And I don't see how everything you said changes anything of what I said. They were referring to failed murder attempts, but they chose the worst combination of words for it.

[@erictaylor5462]

THEPELADOMASTER First I am not "full douche bag". I am pointing out that victims of failed murders are not murder victims. They are victims of ATTEMPTED murder. They are NOT referring to victims of ATTEMPTED murder. "Murder victims rarely talk to police" is referring to people who have been murdered. Is English not you native language? Do you understand the difference between "attempted murder" and "murder"?

[@THEPELADOMASTER]

Eric Taylor And do you understand that the news is awfully written and could be talking about attempted murder victims? How are you so sure? Did you write it? Do you know the person who wrote it?

[@treehuggerkyle]

Don't have this guy read for you anymore, Danger Dolan. He misread like half of them.

[@s.b.cremepuff295]

+treehuggerkyle It's not his fault that he misread 50% of the articles. By the way, insulting this guy is similar to insulting your sibling.

[@johnalogue9832]

+S.B. Cremepuff Uh, not that I disagree completely, but why is that?

[@s.b.cremepuff295]

ProbeVoyages You should treat everyone with respect and fairness. That's what I believe.

[@johnalogue9832]

But he's not a sibling. Also, do you include PETA?

[@s.b.cremepuff295]

ProbeVoyages 1. I know that. 2. Possibly.

[@aaaaaghhhhhhh]

God i hate this pipeattack dude. How do you manage to read so many of them wrong?

[@realSpook]

***** lol maybe he is just nervous

[@krokodil7057]

Topkek

[@k0nidias]

SpookDogg But.... it's a recording... it's not like it's live. If he messes up he can just record it again. Honestly I'm not sure how he uploaded this without catching all these mistakes. It's just sloppy.

[@aaaaaghhhhhhh]

Konidia s i second this. he even corrected one mistake with text in the video, what the fuck was that about??

[@BrettonFerguson]

***** He's smoking the pipe, the crack pipe.

[@a.gordon.1385]

Number 32. 'twenty five hundred thousand dollars' No, it says two hundred and fifty thousand. Twenty five hundred thousand dollars would be two and a half million. Did that annoy anyone else?

[@susieq1279]

Yes!

[@rylee.ashely_makai8584]

It would be easyer if you put them i numbers... Just sayin'

[@artieche9]

So many reading mistakes in this hah.

[@seanwilkinson3975]

Narrator, with all due respect, I suggest more practice in reading aloud. Your video editor, likewise, needs to sharpen his ear and eye to catch various errors. While #9 and #32 were corrected, a few others were missed, and the video could use a full re-recording to clean up the presentation. #38 - "Nike says" transposed to "says Nike". #37 - You're aware that "Private Eye" is a British satirical magazine, right? Check the mock hotline number listed at the bottom of the clipping for proof. Always remember to double-check your source material. #30 - you have mistaken "Zen koan" for "proverb", and it's "one hand clapping", not "one man clapping". #26 - used "literary" for "literacy". #25 - used "tasty" for "juicy". #19 - used "city" for "sewer". #18 - left out "stolen", a critical part of the story. #10 - used "focus on" for "focus of". #5 - misread "cites" (as in "refers to") as "cities", mangling the sentence's meaning. #33 could be in my list, but a different pronunciation of an uncommon name doesn't really count. Anyway, "Kiwanis" is usually pronounced as "kuh-WAHN-ihs" ("ih" like the "i" in "pig"). Sorry to be the Grammar Nazi here, but errors like these reduce the comedic impact.

[@tanyasmith9572]

Stfu

[@AVerySexuallyDeviantOrange]

+Tanya Smith Hey now, he's helping... Criticism, quality checking, that sorta shit.

[@elgemin]

+Sean Wilkinson I'm not sure expecting people to be able to read is the same as being a Grammar Nazi ;) Pulling in a headline from the Private Eye (#37) is pretty retarded. Especially when the source material being shown is so clearly a spoof article. The Sunday Sport (#28) deliberately prints the most hilarious boobs-and-porn-news under the daftest headlines its writers can think up. They constantly have front page stories like the one mentioned. If you're including these you've done a pretty poor job with your research, if only because the Sport has plenty of headlines more 'ridiculous' than those you have chosen elsewhere.

[@seanwilkinson3975]

+SiLenT366 I missed more? By all means, list them for my edification.

[@buttforabrain]

I completely agree, also he said sarcastically in relation to the article where teen pregnancy drops off after 25 'this just in, childhood diabetes stops after 18' not actually true, type 1 diabetes is only called childhood diabetes because most people effected get it in childhood, not all.

[@teamfortressisawsome]

Wait, so there is Dolan, and then there is Hellbent, and then there is PipeAttack?

[@mcfrostinator9827]

Don't forget Dolan's Mysterious brother

[@dappercthulhu4386]

Serginator SER incest?

[@teamfortressisawsome]

McFrostinator I thought Dolan's brother was one of them?

[@DANtheMANofSIPA]

***** No, Hellbent's the guy with the deeper voice, this is Pipeattack, Dolan is Dolan, and Dolan's brother is the one with the slightly different voice from Dolan's voice.

[@teamfortressisawsome]

DANtheMANofSIPA ah

[@dogesdozendonuts6089]

"New study shows water is the #1 cause of drowning"

[@louisegalbraith7817]

Ok you might want to sit down for this one. once you finish becoming 7 years old you become 8 years old

[@freddiet.rowlet525]

Private Eye is a comedy magazine, so that Diana headline was definately a joke

[@giodidit]

there were a few that were like that.. and the narrator can't read the headlines correctly. I unsubscribed

[@Piscean_]

XD I completely agree, I wasn't subscribed in the first place c:

[@fionamessenger460]

The US doesn't understand satire, in the wake of all the Diana conspiracy theories, that most Americans probably believe.

[@sylvanara]

The "Headless Body in Topless Bar" set a standard for both puns and headline zingers. Truly a work of art.

[@TheSharkyrocks]

Inb4 "WHERE IS DOLAN"

[@tshanbarnes9505]

lol

[@tommy-xi7pb]

A random guy on the Internet Wait where is he?

[@tommy-xi7pb]

***** Wait really?

[@highlandersteve9953]

A random guy on the Internet When I first saw your avatar, it looked like a big ol' sodaW.

[@0Onyx13]

A random guy on the Internet ikr it's not the same without his hilarious voice. I used to watch videos I didn't even care about just to listen to his amusing and soothing voice.

[@soulking2017]

did you guys know that youre a living, breathing person?

[@noname-wv3dd]

oh mah gawd so much new information!!

[@dustinbenzel8704]

As an undead being that does not breathe. I am triggered! LOL JK.

[@ReiAnikaAyanami]

#MINDBLOWN

[@eevee1583]

Dmetri Meeks-Coleman *gasp* no way!

[@fanaticat1]

the headlines you found were hilarious! your comments and afterwards were REALLY hilarious, thanks for making me laugh! these are great commentary, thanks again

[@Immajeanyus]

Somehow these headliners got a job but I can't get a part time job at even Taco Bell?

[@typerez5034]

I guess you aren't very good at anything

[@Lobito-qz9pz]

Kingladell Donaldson wasn't funny at all o.o' and i'm someone who knows how to appreciates racist jokes. Fuck you, Ty! And Fuck you Kingladell! Fakest crackuhs evah!

[@typerez5034]

+Lobito219 0 I'm not white though if she can't get a job at taco bell then there's something wrong with her

[@typerez5034]

+Lobito219 0 and why do you guys have to bring race up? this has nothing to do with race.

[@kingladelldonaldson3728]

Ty Perez race is funny

[@CarbonMalite]

I hope I live before I die.

[@bishan3716]

Me 2

[@CarbonMalite]

***** My middle name is Autismyaaaahy!

[@wildesander]

The Malite I hope I die before I live.

[@AvalynTheAccursed]

wilde_sanderThat's deep. I hope I wake up before I go to to sleep.

[@CarbonMalite]

Cody This sounds like a generic emo song.

[@DennisTate]

Guy doing the talking says, "Missippi's literary program…" The headline reads "Missippi's _literacy_ program…" Does Planet Nolan not check these things before putting them online?

[@leonx9111]

Planet Nolan Do you check before you post

[@alterranlongbow5067]

+Fairy Tail That's the joke.

[@AurenGlytterkat]

The guy makes a lot of other small mistakes while reading these too, not just that 1... What happened here, Dolan?? :(

[@liamo6677]

It's not like we had enough people bitching about Hellbent already. Now there's Pipeattack. Oh my. Brace yourselves. Winter is coming.

[@MangasColoradas941]

+Liam O hellbent is charismatic though this guy is fine but he's no hellbent or dangerdolan

[@Vitorruy1]

LOTSAMONEY

[@liamo6677]

Vitorruy1 WHA'S THAT SPELL?!?!?!?!

[@titon7934]

I have a question. Where is danger Dolan? The channel is called danger Dolan. I came here for danger Dolan. Yet you are not danger Dolan. Why is that?

[@jankyorange878]

Titon Iridion Have you ever heard of this magical concept by the name of sickness?

[@titon7934]

Janky Orange yes, but why would some other random people show up and make videos instead? I would rather just nothing from DD for a little while than the worry of hackers taking over his account. also, you don't have to be a jerk about it. I was just trying to figure out why Danger Dolan was not here, and some other random people are. you don't have to be rude.

[@codekillerz5392]

Titon Iridion Noone took his account their doing it FOR HIM

[@titon7934]

XxtrollsniperXx I never heard HIM say that. and I never said they did. I said that there was the fear that they did, not that they actually did.

[@96RyanC]

+Titon Iridion how nice of the "hackers" to do a professional and well thought out video adding to his income.

[@RadiumGamingHD]

Hellbents are red Dolans are orange ...Wait nothing rhymes with orange

[@davidsonata9218]

Radium GamingHD Orange rhymes with: Blorenge and sporange.

[@battmarn]

Put your orange Four-inch door-hinge in storage and eat porridge with George. Eminent made them rhyme

[@davidsonata9218]

Those are not rhymes.

[@YourCrazyDolphin]

Sporange. Refers to a sack of mushrooms. If you doubt me, look it up.

[@Rhepli]

+Radium GamingHD Dolans is blue and yellow kinda

[@ZhangtheGreat]

Don't remember the source, but my favorite headline has always been "Bullets fly, two caught by police." Didn't know some of our police officers were trained to catch bullets XD

[@TheTanmoy16]

Bangladesh Prime minister name is Haseena (female) India's PM name Modi Headline " Haseena met Modi, says satisfied"

[@THEmeepmopmoop]

This just in: The teeth of an unidentified man have been found at a dentist's office 2 hours ago.

[@oke9797]

"Top 10 stupidest YT comments" please

[@ScottobozoGD]

Nah, top 50.

[@themeatman6984]

Joe Germaine too easy make it top 1000

[@themeatman6984]

Joe Germaine too easy make it top 1000

[@realnigga4458]

Joe Germaine I wuld be nmbur 1

[@leahs.147]

YES

[@rrtt1]

Man the guy reading these can't... read very well!

[@somedude3596]

***** OOOoh! MLG REKTOrd 420 NOSCOPE BLAZEIT! OOOOH! Seriously, if you use autism as an insult, you clearly don't know what autism actually is.

[@lemonlimethewolf7087]

Serginator SER wouldn't it be dyslexia?

[@rrtt1]

Why are we talking about autism? All I was saying is he isn't pronouncing a few things very well.

[@lemonlimethewolf7087]

Caseller yah, i saw him too, he was annoying

[@ShadowinaCave]

+rrtt1 Yeah. Maybe it's just what they call "performance anxiety" -- happens to lots of people -- when the mike's on, it makes you nervous and you gabble your words. Still, it's only audio, so it's easy enough to go back and do another take, even doing just one item at a time. Why wouldn't you?

[@poisonempress]

Oh journalists, you make me laugh sometimes. A classic I still love is "man killed to death"

[@timetodeliverapizzaball]

I gave this guy the benefit of the doubt after 6 or so misread words but then he says tasty instead of juicy and pronounces cites as "city's".

[@partyraccoon2815]

I subscribed to see Danger Dolan...

[@munsi0121]

That's what they want you to think

[@partyraccoon2815]

+a1wingedeagle but he's the original and then all his friends come along and ruin the channel.

[@partyraccoon2815]

+a1wingedeagle I don't, but I always click on the videos to see who it is and it's mainly PipeAttack & HellBent.

[@Quietbut_Deadly]

But we only hear Dolan unless you watch his stream VODs

[@jmaxvanputten9366]

This guy is way better than Hell Bent

[@RobinDude]

Pipe Attack, you're fired

[@shrevident527]

***** Autism.

[@misanthrope541]

Been subbed a long time but this video was the best. I loved narrator's comments, he's great!

[@BigTimeRush14100]

Who was the guy reading, don't recognize his voice

[@thepcmaster7671]

new dude :P

[@thepcmaster7671]

My Own Little Opinions Hmmm... i don't hear him a lot

[@maddiemealey2844]

I'm pretty sure it's hellbent

[@mad3ude]

he's only in 3 videos

[@Hellheart]

Maddie Mealey no, it's not Hellbent. He has a deeper and rougher voice.

[@stephenbrookes7268]

I think it worth pointing out that Private Eye is a satirical publication. The Diana headline was supposed to be completely stupid, it is a branch of humour. Mr Dolan, or may I call you Danger? I love your great videos.

[@johnendbslukmark880]

I ALWAYS said she was murdered and that is the truth things like that just DON'T happen to an English Princess, nice to see someone else has the sense not to believe the Story we were expected to Swallow

[@stephenbrookes7268]

Johnny Oakes Things indeed do not happen for no reason! Ask the families of Grissom, Chaffee and White, why their so called heroes no longer live!

[@johnendbslukmark880]

I just can not believe all in UK believed that poor women was killed like that in a french tunnel they were careful not to do it in UK went they it's a bit like Dr David Kelly suicide my ass he too was murdered by the British Mi6 or whomever !

[@stephenbrookes7268]

Johnny Oakes There are many nations each with a security service or two, and each with a government, some supposedly elected by democratic process. Most are controlled by the same power. Those that are not are demonised by the international media, and on any excuse invaded.

[@jackhenderson1039]

+Johnny Oakes Why would you think she murdered?

[@alexisrodriguez314]

I'm here early got to make a joke Those newspaper headlines

[@kingston2497]

Your aunt ^

[@werewolfblud3189]

"Maybe they're just shy! Ever tried using on Ouija board?"- is now my favorite quote. I was cracking up.

[@rahuldo7]

Rumor has it your birthday and the day you were born are on the same day

[@fennlyxerxich7091]

You said so many words incorrectly.

[@trevorfiandaco2348]

It's called an accent

[@Scoobay]

It's not an accent, he read a lot wrong or was reading bad handwriting. One of the two.

[@jayjay99989]

such as?

[@ghosted4048]

+Trevor Fiandaco I believe the proper term is illiteracy.

[@MendaMeister7]

Trevor Fiandaco No, it was just incorrect. #5 = Midget sue's grocer, CITES belittling remarks. Cites = To repeat something that you didn't originally say while giving credit to the source. he said Cities instead of Cites. That's just one of the top of my head, there were like 4 other headlines he just read wrong.

[@MsSBVideos]

I can make up more, slightly based on this video (sorry for the large quantaty of ones beginning with "study shows"): -"Study shows that average American is getting older" -"Study shows that people vaccinated against the flu have or will die in their lifetimes" -"Huge bake sale hosted, profits donated to diabetes research" -"Study shows that those over 22 are 100% likely to die in less than 100 years" (oldest recorded person was 122 years old) -"Sick person found in hospital" -"Nearby resteraunt opens, selling food"

[@briancunningham5598]

"Private Eye" is a satirical British magazine. That particular headline was deliberately humorous.

[@penelopesnopes6852]

I learn so much from these videos.

[@shaneofastrotek]

Is it me or did he misread a LOT of the articles. I love this channel and it was weird that so many words were said wrong on this one. Like he said cities instead of cites. Or read end instead of rear end, although they did correct that one. But between a fourth to a third of the articles he said the wrong words

[@motherofchaos5519]

+Shane Cormier I was just going to say something about that myself! I'm glad that I read on down the comments list before I did...

[@benortengren6675]

At thanksgiving 2015, there was a headline that said "Turkey attacks Russian Warplane".

[@alterranlongbow5067]

LOL

[@saigesheen]

which turkey the country or the animal?

[@benortengren6675]

The country, but I was super confused.

[@Tails9016]

"...misses my sippy...cup." When you stop at sippy, I almost broke out laughing.

[@Arikian]

Ok you get angry at the press for lying to you 24/7 (haha get the news pun) but this is just hilarious! XD

[@wingedhussarswiss4703]

My two favorite in this video is "A-Rod goes deep, wrang hurt." I cried. and "Man beats cougar off with bare hands." Both sound like something sexy was going on, and worst if you think of different kind of cougar.

[@austinschaefer5920]

Open Where did danger Dolan go ?

[@Prion_ow]

dolan expired

[@NetyashaRoozi]

Austin Schaefer IN NEW NEWS Dolan Explains That He is Missing

[@razcal4895]

+NillaxChu (The Official Noob) I do not wanna know the background story. xD

[@NubianSioux]

The thumbnail alone, had me in tears 😂😂😂😂

[@callmekirbzz6648]

lol the most perfect thing about this video is when they showed a bird my screaming goat notification sound.. it was really funny

[@user-wc6fl4ym8q]

Numbers 37 16 and 2 I died 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@arxcviii7304]

R.I.P

[@Christinebanks11]

Rip!

[@torresongs2]

Twenty-five Hundred Thousand dollars sure looks like Two Hundred and Fifty Thousand dollars to me!

[@michaelbujaki2462]

6:33 I saw that article. The mother left for work a few minutes before the bus was supposed to pick up her daughter, but the bus never came and her daughter was left outside for several hours.

[@silvertailplays]

It's videos like these that make me doubt my faith in humanity. Although that 'O RLY?' bird at #13 made my day.

[@FidelCashflow_YT]

Dude it's not "cities" its pronounced "sights".

[@kanardy]

Just one among many mistakes he made. Was this dude on drugs while reading for this video?

[@supervegito2277]

Not if its the plural form of City AKA big place, many building, many people. I dont know of any other use of that word.

[@FidelCashflow_YT]

+supervegito2277 Except it wasn't cities it was cites.

[@supervegito2277]

On THAT we agree.

[@FidelCashflow_YT]

+supervegito2277 What is it you disagree with me about exactly lol? I'm confused... You know cite is a word of course?

[@FUgameCrue]

you should have included the one my dad was in. it said worlds greatest dad raped in front of family

[@FUgameCrue]

***** well someone inserted their penis into his anus. we were made to watch. it was pretty fun, kind of boring

[@islandboy4445]

FUgameCrue Good God 0.o

[@ladyyoungblood1683]

+FUgameCrue It was fun?0.0

[@MangasColoradas941]

+FUgameCrue pix or not true

[@islandboy4445]

Do we really need pics? Lol can't we just assume this person is a troll and be disgusted?

[@anthonywstanton]

There is one very happy cougar walking around somewhere!

[@KatiePole]

Private Eye is a satirical, comedic magazine. Great job doing your research.

[@AdrianColley]

3:21 Of all the words to misread, he misread "literacy"!

[@ProfessionalLoser95]

Who the heck is this guy?

[@cassiebarber4669]

I keep playing Missippis over and over and it keeps making me giggle 😂

[@saltyicecube9509]

"Alert the fucking authority" I laughed so hard when he said this

[@owenbridgers]

Welp, PipeAttack is gone

[@shockshplock3480]

Owen Bridgers you saw Scare Theatre’s vid didn’t you?

[@Cyaneyed77]

You know Private Eye is satirical?

[@ThatOneGayUncle]

5:54 I'm pretty sure they were taking liquefaction into account here in this study, but that certainly doesn't make this situation any less hilarious with that headline 😆

[@Hippieinthewoods]

OMG, love the head job one

[@matthewluck9077]

on the same one as "Missippi" you said literary not literacy as it was said

[@Redsoxking]

Where is Dolan?

[@helpmewithacreativeusernam4573]

+Cian Duggan well that was rude to say to someone. cancer is nothing to joke about.

[@IllustriousFoxx]

***** four comments in a row all i see is Autism your so funny man, lets joke about it peta says if you spoil your kids too much they will get autism...

[@IllustriousFoxx]

***** XD i remember that episode about aids

[@collinulibarri5992]

+Redsoxking He lived hours before he died. *jk he's working on something*

[@Redsoxking]

Collin Ulibarri thank you

[@toxicgirli]

Once again another beautiful video filled with my native language. Sarcasm. xD

[@adamisthicc2499]

AWESOME!!

[@BeefCheeser]

the diana one was from private eye.... its satirical.... its a joke. about how newspapers go on and on and on about Diana. thats why it says exclusive to all newspapers...

[@ianoliver12]

BREAKING NEWS! This is a comment.

[@staley101]

The Diana article which appeared in private eye is a satirical news magazine which pokes fun mainly at British newspapers.

[@cassienovak3608]

There was one a while ago - 'Shell found on beach' - meaning bomb but still counts! 😂

[@Oli_Ball]

Can he not read properly?

[@kingston2497]

Ur mom ^

[@TheArnoldification]

***** Look at the audience you're dealing with. Not only is this KZbin (i.e. most people here by default are drama queens/dumb as fuck) but it's a popular youtuber's comment section. Of coruse you're going to get mildly retarded people taking your bait, it's too easy :l

[@zoeymyselfandi]

Why did it take 3 minutes to understand num 1.

[@zoeymyselfandi]

***** Your an ass hat.

[@zoeymyselfandi]

***** What's wrong with my name, NillaxChu (*The Offcial Noob*)?

[@xxzephiniahxx4581]

5:24 LOL I live in kentucky, and I actually learned last week in school that it is illegal for people in Kentucky to keep ice cream in their pants 😂😂😂

[@emmixo]

xXzephiniahX x nooooo I was gunna go there that's like my favourite activity wth that's just bang out of order 😂😂😂

[@Cecilpedia]

I better stop shoving Fudgesicles in my shorts then!

[@150booyadragon]

You know I didn't even remember Pipeattack was a thing, I haven't heard of him in sooo long.