Poll Reveals 430 New Demographics That Will Decide Election

[@rdelaney]

"High fructose corn syrup contamination forces FDA to recall all of nation's food" Those headlines at the bottom are the best

[@misterlamp8423]

wow 12 years

[@dogerbro2153]

12 years and this is still hits home today, I came back to the USA after leaving for 8 years and forgot high fructose corn syrup existed

[@pleaseenteraname6825]

"Tampa bay police say no foul play is suspected in wife of police chief's beating death"

[@mureithikivuti]

Considering what we know about sugar today, this is actually a very important statement. The FDA should probably do this LOL

[@justrandomthings319]

Lmfao!!!

[@VeronRVR]

Unless someone can bring over the "People who sit in the corner of a college campus lounge while wearing large headphones as they draw" vote, its gonna be a standoff.

[@utopes]

Hey that’s me (but I was 6 years old when this was written and didn’t know at the time)

[@Numbabu]

@@utopessame! I guess our demographic will have to try harder now.

[@CRU22]

Literally me

[@F3uertrunk3n]

The weird thing is, I am currently in the corner of a college campus lounge wearing large headphones right now. But I'm not drawing.

[@LyricalWax]

"Ape raised by humans still raised by apes" LMAO! I love watching again with the sound off to catch the rolling text.

[@theyoshi202]

You don’t need to turn the sound off to read the text :P

[@TheMamaluigi300]

Kurt22 There’s less distraction tho

[@medexamtoolscom]

It said Still acts like ape, not still raised by apes. But it would have been more clever if they had what you typed instead so good job being more clever than the onion was.

[@puppergump4117]

@@theyoshi202 I can read the text and listen at the same time but it's more annoying that way

[@turtleanton6539]

​@@medexamtoolscomyes humans are apes

[@RandomProduct]

lol "Scientists are predicting a giant meteor movie hitting theaters in the next 2 to 3 years."

[@theyoshi202]

11 years ago 😳

[@castonyoung7514]

Dang, I just watched Greenland last weekend.

[@titasganguly2794]

Do not look up predicted 13 y ago

[@amentco8445]

how accurate was this?

[@Sacchidanand]

0:44 - So, basically Cambridge Analytica.

[@luther0013]

the future of democracy.

[@kazmark_gl8652]

Cambridge Analytica did this video but unironically and it fucking worked twice.

[@christianmoore7109]

How so few people expected a Cambridge Analytica event I'm not certain. I just assumed that all polling organizations online worked the same way. Honestly I don't mind.

[@semicollonn]

With data brokers collecting so much identifiable private information this is no longer satire anymore haha

[@mrbanana6464]

Literacy is dead and this comment proves it

[@brycevogt9669]

@@mrbanana6464 If you couldn't read that comment then you're the illiterate one. His only grammatical error was not using a period and that doesn't have any effect on you reading the rest of the comment.

[@lukelcs8934]

@@mrbanana6464 I was going to say you were wrong, but the fact that yoru grammar is just as shit proves this is probably satire lmao If not, then that just makes it even funnier. edit : just noticed the typo, but I'm not fixing it, because f literacy

[@mrbanana6464]

@@lukelcs8934 There’s nothing grammatically wrong with the original comment or mine. I was talking about the fact that people have no idea what the goal of satirical news is. They think satirical news are just random or funny fictional stories when it’s actually a critique of politics and culture, thereby making it necessarily relevant. That tends to go over a lot of people’s heads.

[@lukelcs8934]

@@mrbanana6464 Ah, I see what you mean. I think what's usually meant is that satire exaggerates things to make it's point, and when they say it's no longer satire, they mean it's no longer an exaggeration. It's also largely meant as a joke. But that's just my take on what that usually means, and there's definitely people who don't understand the real meaning of satire. I can't say for sure if this person is one of them tho, they'd have to respond themselves lol.

[@petepittsburgh]

"And what about the employees of the Riggins, Idaho Washington Mutual who have a crush on that girl Amy who works at the Wendy's next door demographic?" hahaha

[@James-im2ip]

@VisualPlugin the Multilingual Programmer they mention specifically there's two people in the demographic, Josh and Todd

[@GrownupPhan]

Best poltical satire I've seen in a while. So many funny lines, and it's so true about the idiotic demos that get trotted out as "decisive".

[@smoothjazz2143]

news with no new info about the election making shit up to have something to talk about

[@aarontheperson6867]

agreed

[@davidhowell1415]

Just checking in. Not so satirical anymore

[@juantri86]

"girl who only ordered salad has plenty of time to talk about herserf while everyone else finishes eating" fu-ny. Amazing onion as always

[@rum-ham]

Exactly why I avoid going to lunch with those who have serfs.

[@charles_xcx]

GOD DAMMIT THIS IS NO LONGER SATIRE. The Onion predicted microtargeting. They did it again.

[@Nick_ETH]

This was 2009, this shits been going on since the internet arrived and peoples chat logs were sold to think tanks. Social media had already been getting datamined for a decade when this vid came out

[@colechapman6976]

Why didn't The Onion cover the most important key demographic which are people who give candles as a gift but then also attach another gift to that candle as if to say "hey, I know you think I just pulled this out of my closet so here is another shitty little gift to make up for my regifting of a candle?"

[@spar420]

Dunkin' Donuts Independants lol Gotta love The Onion

[@AJ69238]

11 years ago, cool

[@leobastian_]

honestly that's actually a realistic demographic

[@jlupus8804]

“The Wes Anderson dips****” Marry me

[@tedpiano]

Wow, I don’t know how I’d ever be able to think through the nuanced political dynamics of key demographics like Josh and Tod without The Onion

[@mynameisnotalfredo]

The opening is the most apt satire I have ever seen. ALways makes me laugh.

[@Badfinger]

So impressed they could keep a straight face through this one. That was awesome!

[@lexnuss791]

Homo Sapiens pretending to be human will also, certainly, be a fascinating race to watch. "It takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'" - John Cameron Swayzee

[@EuclidianProposition]

Why is the Stoner Friend Leo Demographic 100% McCain?

[@johnmedina4286]

There's only one person in that demographic.

[@Talia.777]

@@johnmedina4286 True 🤣🤣🤣👍

[@ronan7695]

Yeah its odd, McCain supported the war on drugs and all…

[@peterskrobola8753]

Presumably that guy voted for Obama when it turned into a landslide.

[@Gangstasix]

"High fructose corn syrup contamination forces FDA to recall all of nation's food" LOL

[@Lightstrikers]

this is one of the onion's best. Andrea's almost rolling her eyes at 1:12, "this is bullsh*th and interesting" good acting

[@kieranbrady1240]

I know this account is probably dead at this point but yeah it's pitch perfect acting

[@ryleynadhir4685]

​@@kieranbrady1240 that account has been used within the past month, so it's not exactly dead

[@MrSExperience]

this really helped clarify things. Politics are so complicated

[@sivartis]

The best part about this was the ease at which they rattled off these various demos. Wonderful work, guys. ~Trav

[@vallejoalboresfernando9753]

The vaccine joke aged so perfectly

[@FlakMeister]

Hot damn, that Republican/Democratic screen in the background looks exactly like the Command & Conquer: Red Alert campaign map.

[@WhiteTiger333]

Muaahaahaa - another great one, Onion! And where will we be safe from the astroid movie?

[@gokinsmen]

The scrolling news ticker at the bottom is hilarious, too.

[@calviincalifornia4048]

the ticker tape is better than 90% of comedy on tv now :)

[@ogami72]

Good to know that "LOST watching roomates" could be the deciding factor in the election.

[@fragout9575]

Somehow this seems so on point today!!! LMAO

[@EggSaladRecipe]

One of the best I've seen in a while.

[@TheScienceguy77]

Extremely funny, I miss these shows.

[@musichalloffame]

How about the Onion news watchers and comment writers on you tube?? they missed our bracket completly!! Do we not carry enough sway?

[@FollyxXxFallen]

TheOnion made a great point with this one... people focus too much on insignificant details

[@billdexhart5179]

With Facebook and Google, I only imagine this the future.

[@Humanophage]

I don't understand why it was ever a satire. Yes, demographics are pretty detailed. E.g., unmarried white Jewish women in their 40s are going to vote very differently from married white Jewish women in their 40s. 420 groups means the mean size is something like 400 000 people, a very non-trivial amount.

[@xkayne]

"High fructose corn syrup contamination forces FDA to recall all of nation's food." HAHAHA.

[@Velereonics]

This is by far one of the best things that has ever come out of the onion. Like the writing of this is just astonishingly good. Come back and watch it before every election cycle because I don't pay attention to politics anymore and this video is like actually one of the reasons why

[@jeffreyevans9431]

I was SHOCKED by Obama's support from the Synchronized Underwater Basket weavers' Association .

[@starwarsgeek8]

LOL "Dental Office Receptionists Who Plan On Going Back To Schol To Get Teir Real Estate Degress Someday" Awesome job guys.

[@susiesan]

I guess I fall into the "LOST watching roommates" demographic among others :P

[@Codeman90]

Lol, what would McCain do without the "Stoner friend Leo" demographic.

[@pf6112]

I like how they quickly rachet up the absurdity, going from Dunkin' Donuts Independents--a plausible demographic--to Dinty Moore Dads to Corolla In-Laws. Andrea shows some skepticism at that point before jumping on board with Corduroy Wearing Homosexuals and Necktie Asians Living Above Frozen Yogurt Shops.

[@springinfialta106]

I'm only ever recommended videos from years and years ago. As Ross Perot might have said "At The Onion there is now a great sucking sound."

[@xpirate16]

"Okay, lets talk about the 28% of necktie asians living above frozen yogurt shops demographic" LOL

[@MousieQueen98]

LOL! I wonder how many outtakes they have to do with these videos?

[@alexanderhay7358]

this never gets old...

[@retroact1ve]

Im still rolling, this was simply genius.

[@BryanMorton]

Dunkin' Doughnut is an oxymoron. If they're not Krispy Kremes, they're not doughnuts.

[@Velereonics]

"Necktie Asians living above frozen yogurt shops" I might actually die laughing at this

[@evanlake9582]

The Dental Office Receptionist numbers add up to 107%.

[@Petethegreat36]

that went by a bit fast

[@fredroberts8275]

This is how targeted marketing works.

[@LyricalWax]

aw man, so funny. that fat astronaut one was a slight dip but these last 2 have shown they're right back to their best.

[@BuranLyoko]

You forgot about Armageddon. I'm sure there are even more, plus the TV show Stargate did an episode with a giant asteroid too.

[@shesmiles123]

That was awesome.... but there was almost, almost, too much going on... Pretty much perfect though. =)

[@Noyjeetut]

Great stuff. I love the sub genre groups, especially the Facebook Masturbators.

[@styken]

Woot, Andrea Bennett is back! She is mesmerizing.

[@user-fz9uf5jf5v]

It really works that way in political sociology. This is very important, and it ensures election victory with the right strategy.

[@VortexMotiveVision]

Very good. Never knew Onion did video.

[@80smusicfanNO1]

That was great.

[@onyeka112]

omg how do they keep a staight face..this is too funny

[@phunchurchgirl]

What about the Hillary supporter who heard Palin mention her in her RNC speech and are now undecided demographic?

[@theyoshi202]

But Hillary didn’t run in 2008 did she?

[@jimmyport]

Best political analysis anywhere....

[@CamTroid]

Wow, this must be old... nowadays everyone uses the malaria vaccine 7

[@calviincalifornia4048]

youre old. and probably dead. statistically. everyone is also now using vaccine 10.

[@dannygotwals3078]

How relevant is the last headline about the Gates Foundation!?

[@SweetGameplays]

omg

[@tobyeasterbrook8117]

"The democrats have got a lock on those urban groups like corduroy wearing homosexuals and people who eat artisanal sandwiches, right?" Aren't those the same demographic?

[@smoothdoggy7]

This was priceless....

[@Truthiness231]

I busted up at the "Famous Swayzes" demographic XP

[@Yepimdatguy]

I didn't pay attention to da people talkin, i was lookin at the bottem of the screen lol!

[@pogly100]

One of the best, Onion! A travesty it only has 94000 views. ;o)

[@brenolk4642]

This is pretty funny, when does the parody start?

[@AdmiralBetas]

I liked the Corduroy-Wearing Homosexual :D

[@deoxyplasmic]

Don't we all.

[@4ourthofjuly]

And up is down.

[@saixmusic9322]

Gotta send this to my stoner friend Leo

[@glaucusyellow]

"Next up Scientists are predicting a large asteroid movie will be hitting theaters in the next 2-3 years" Fr tho whats up with all the asteroid bouta hit earth nonsense anyways?

[@nassimnassim6019]

Maybe it is predictive brainwashing used to prepare peoples for a malfesant agenda?

[@way2tehdawn]

They should explore more demographics that would be interesting.

[@AngelMass]

Yeah, like the "very late commenters" the people who places comments in posts several years old

[@highdefinist9697]

@@AngelMass Or the affirmation commenter demographic, which simply confirm the previous statement, without adding anything new.

[@armedpotato3617]

There isn't a wendy's within a hundred miles of Riggins Idaho. You have to drive all the way to meadows valley just to find another chain restaurant.

[@hbdragon88]

Is it possible that there was a Wendy's there in 2008 that has since closed? 😅

[@fhussain44]

Hilarious the way she asks "What about.." at 1:50

[@mohsinrao4334]

Those Corolla in laws have a lot to answer for.

[@big10]

"...influx of cheap foreign cheesecakes" -- lol.

[@egetty6852]

“The Wes Anderson dipshits” 😂

[@bigeffendeal]

The Onion rocks!

[@Nikola_M]

Predictions can be found in the most unusual of places.

[@Xakryn]

Just, perfect.

[@DungbeetleXL5000]

famous swayzes...theres 1% missing...LOL....too funny

[@lordtalon69]

Vortex42: Oh wow your in for a treat then, they got over 100 videos on the channel watch each one and try not to die laughing ;)

[@SuperWarking]

When is War for the Whitehouse 2012 start? I have a strong feeling given the canidates, this is gonna blow War for the whitehouse 2008 out of the water.

[@joeskis]

SuperWarking wow, just think you had no idea what 4 years from that comment would bring

[@calviincalifornia4048]

hello both of you from the future, year 2019 :) we have a great president now.

[@MegaBallPowerBall]

@@calviincalifornia4048 When the Orange terrorist builds the Gas Chambers using your forced labor, you'll understand that you were duped because you have Trump Voter level intellect.

[@randomassvideos1]

"Scientists are predicting a new giant asteroid movie will hit theaters in the next 2 to 3 years lmao" The 2012 world ending period. Great.

[@vojtechhavranek1176]

Andrea rocks!

[@topwater22]

I laughed so hard I think a little pee came out.

[@CuteBeaner]

would some one please think of the children!

[@jugglinguy]

Was the "XP" face intended? I couldn't tell

[@theyoshi202]

Ohhhhh that’s a face? 😂

[@SteveVi0lence]

1 demographic for each gender

[@charleslittleba]

Sweet, you know Leo, He always has the best shit!

[@Everon42]

Satire on anecdotal evidence AND statistics, brilliant

[@sweethen]

lol she's like, "my damn In-laws"

[@giri.goyo_yt]

Onion is the Cassandra of the naught years.

[@theyoshi202]

What?

[@dillooon]

corduroy wearing homosexuals, necktie wearing asians who live above frozen yogurt shops. omg i have never laughed so hard

[@bokchoiman]

Amy Doherty? lololol

[@hahayouarefunny]

Interesting that Stoner Friend Leo is a McCain voter.