Polyamory | Leon Feingold | TEDxBushwick

Polyamorous relationships consist of individuals of multi-partner relationships and families. Leon offers an insight through his journey in finding polyamory as the means to creating intimate, valuable relationships with multiple people. Through his journey and explanation, Leon debunks myths and presents the values of polyamory.
Co-Founder and former President of Open Love NY, Leon Feingold has become a polyamory activist on a national scope. He coauthors "Poly Wanna Answer?" a monthly polyamorous relationship advice column, and has discussed polyamory on The View, Huffington Post, PolyInTheMedia, Jezebel, and other media, plus the HBO movie "Americans in Bed". In 2014 he helped launch New York's first openly polyamorous residence, here in Bushwick.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@TigerPrawn_]

"Love is meaningful and it gives our lives meaning. It deepens connections, it feels greatt to share. It's free. It doesn't even have calories! So why should we limit it?"

[@pierreduranleau2514]

Because what he's promoting is not love but selfishness. Love cares Love gives Love cost If you want it for free, then it's not love.

[@CharlesRexBeedy]

It could be argued that monogamy is selfish too. Think about it. You are EXPECTED to give up your individuality and freedom and make compromises and sacrifices for ONE person. Give ALL your love and attention to ONE person and have sex with ONE person, all because you should ONLY love them and give them ALL the attention because screw everyone else? Imagine if one of your parents or one of your kids or one of your friends did that. You would find that....well....SELFISH.

[@pierreduranleau2514]

CharlesRexBeedy When love is no longer a sacrifice, can it be called love?

[@pierreduranleau2514]

CharlesRexBeedy Love does have one single definition, your just twisting it to fit your egocentric desires. But, at the end your the one deprived of a meaningful relationship.

[@TigerPrawn_]

The Ancient Greeks had many definitions of love, many words for it and many different kinds. I like their view on it.

[@ryalat3682]

"Effective communication means sharing openly and honestly, and without shame."

[@kingkong905]

True, why is it hard for people to practice effective communication?

[@ryalat3682]

@@kingkong905 i think it's because when many people tried to communicate openly and honestly as children, they were punished for it. And therefore it became a negative experience for them that produced negative consequences. I like the truth, so i make it a point to never punish people for telling the truth, no matter how much the truth hurts. I would much rather that - as i find it less painful and tormenting - than dishonesty especially with people you are supposed to trust - which for me there is nothing more hurtful. I think life is so much easier if people would be in tune with their feelings and be able to authentically express them. :)

[@kingkong905]

@@ryalat3682 deep lol. I completely agree with you. It's really hard for me to communicate my feelings mainly because of what happened to me in childhood. People like my father punished me for expressing my feelings so I hid them to survive. I struggle with it to this day. The best way I can do it is through art. When I try saying it the normal way, it's scary and painful. When I admitted to women I was polyamorous, they were devastated. It hurt losing them because they didn't want to accept it.

[@kingkong905]

Are you polyamorous?

[@davidcaubergh5113]

My fiancee let me watch this video after she discovered she could have feelings for multiple people. It's interesting how our relationship has evolved, and my feelings of jealousy as well. It hasn't been easy and I cried so friggin much throughout the proces of 'accepting' it. It was hard to accept, because I (and she as well) feel we are eachother's 'soulmate' (if you want to call it like that). We have two beautiful kids, and an awesome cool life and our sex is just, wow, everything it needs to be. That's why it was so hard to think that she 'missed' something, whilst I thought I had everything I need in life. Maybe some things go beyond words and comprehension. It's important to embrace and accept the other person's wishes and their life vision. Nobody is perfect, and by accepting that I kind of looked to her as perfect. :)

[@BenefitsofBravery]

David Caubergh awesome 👏 beautiful loving

[@noodletitan9086]

Good for you man but I don't want another person with my significant other my view

[@veronicabilek733]

David Caubergh - you are amazing! this is how a true love looks like :) wish you all the best

[@HelennaRainhaDeTroia]

David Caubergh :'( Wish you Luck

[@cindydks]

have you ever wondered why the monogamous person caught up in a situation they never asked for, is always the one asked to "accept" and change?

[@augustusleo6704]

This is by far the best audience in any TED talks I’ve seen

[@gmy33]

Yeah there must be a reason for this ... he preaching for his own ... ted slided down a huge ramp ... through the years ..

[@ahall5017]

Best explanation I've ever heard! If more people who are unhappy in their relationship(s) would consider another paradigm - this one - the world would be happier and a better place. This talk should be widely viewed and available to everyone.

[@craigbaker78]

A Hall divorce rates may even go down

[@autismpete]

But it won't. You'd be surprised at the amount of people who hate having their worldview challenged.

[@josephinesyoutubechannel1770]

A Hall , If people are unhappy in their relationship, the solution is to work on the relationship! Not seek out new partners so one can experience "butterflies" again!

[@icaptureditforyou]

@@josephinesyoutubechannel1770 Some people are more traditional than liberal & vise versa, but that shouldn't stop anyone from being happy.

[@shawnboahene5231]

@@josephinesyoutubechannel1770 exactly! Most people will not do the work and love is work it’s not just feelings and people are afraid to come to that realization

[@agathasena552]

"Time, money, energy, all are limited. But the love we have to share is only as limited as we limit it" ❤️

[@airsoftkombat]

Time is limited

[@frankunderwood4139]

What is love if it’s not time + attention?

[@compostjohn]

Perfect. Well said. I 'discovered' polyamory in 1993 - but I hadn't got a word for it and thought I'd invented it. It wasn't until 2006 or 7 and getting on social media that I found out there were LOADS of people who were living in a similar way to me - and they had a word for it! And, since then, the numbers have just grown and grown. Thank you Leon for being part of this trajectory.

[@leonfeingold4482]

And thank you for the same, whoever you are.

[@stevoofd]

I have found that outing myself as poly has brought me closer to my feelings in general. I used to be conditioned to hide my true feelings in fear of getting rejected (risk aversion). Now I have learned to communicate my desires without holding back, and not surprisingly I bond with a lot more people than I used to! I think the underlying ingredient here is being true to yourself. Not take for granted the structures and boundaries you were raised with, but taking a look inside and see what you REALLY feel and don’t be afraid to communicate that. Because a lot of people probably feel the same way but still live with that fear. But you’ll find that opening up about it can inspire others, or at least take away the fear so they too can explore their true feelings and pursue them.

[@leonfeingold4482]

So glad you've had these realizations. Keep it up and you'll get exponentially better at understanding what you need and how you and others can make each other happiest.

[@JuliannaJaynne]

I think I love you. And also my partner.

[@zufex2029]

and also your HIV

[@zufex2029]

@@anabolicstephen8387 and tell me how would you make all your girlfriends for sure sleep only with "right" guys...

[@tourmelion9221]

@@retroblue69696 sounds like you put people up to your standard And when a man doesn't fit that box you say of how they are no longer masculin Masculin isn't a thing all men have It's a gender stereotype A box No man is fully " masculin "

[@Aneris17]

This is so correct and perfect that I'm happy just to hear people talking about polyamory and the audience accepting it and give him applauses.

[@jackcarlheinz219]

are you married?

[@chelseas4472]

I am definitely a monogamous person myself, but I like that others are identifying themselves like this more so it is easier to know who I am not compatible with.

[@iridescentsquids]

That's a very cool point I never thought of.

[@Xilosphere]

Well... the rest of us will just lie to you, since you'd rather not have honesty.

[@zufex2029]

@@Xilosphere this is exactly why it won't make society happier. Only I will be happier, because I will start my business as private detective who will catch liars. I'm gonna be rich! lol

[@ShatteredDiscoBall]

Compatibility and what kind of relationship you seek are different things entirely. You may be missing out on people you’re very compatible with because of not being open to poly people. That’s okay too but compatibility and relationship types are different things. You’re compatible with your friends though you’d never date them, right?

[@EspritsFantomes]

@@ShatteredDiscoBall there's no point in being someone who match your personality but will never give you want you want and make you happy Being compatible isn't just "we get along well"

[@DevotionToChaos]

What I truly appreciate about this is the openness this is being presented with and that nothing is being forced to the audience. It's your choice how you want to live your life and answer your needs, and so while I don't think that polyamory is fit for me, I hope that those who want to live their life in polyamory can do so feeling encouraged by this video.

[@ikigai3232]

DevotionToChaos, well said!

[@northernsilverstacker1641]

This individual is a genius! I have watched dozens of videos on polyamory and the video just encompassed and embodied everything I feel about relationships.

[@shawnboahene5231]

Not really. When you analyze what he’s saying you realize that a lot of what he’s doing is a lot misdirection, comparing things that shouldn’t be like how he compared having multiple partners to multiple friends and children, and vague ideas that sound good but are terrible in application.

[@likeargamanflaming940]

@@shawnboahene5231 True

[@Chrisprusse]

Some of the things we do in society have nothing to do with why we do them anymore. There is more than one way. There always was.

[@ikigai3232]

C. Prusse, well said!

[@savannafleeman542]

His honesty is so attractive

[@jackcarlheinz219]

honety is the most important thing.

[@kathycusentino8782]

Hes sick just like all of you...you are not sure of yourself at all and you could tell by you doing this you're still not sure of yourself nobody else has a problem but you try figuring it out what are you sure of nothing

[@m.7877]

One of the best lectures EVER!!! Really helped me define myself more

[@stuartallison333]

- Physical touch - Companionship - Mental Stimulation - Shared goals - New Experiances - New Challenges

[@JayJay-ss6hk]

Thank you for speaking publicly about this topic

[@leonfeingold4482]

I've always found it sad that there are huge swaths of the world where speaking publicly about any nontraditional interest or experience is unacceptable.

[@jesseevans2977]

Great talk, but worst camera operation on a TEDx ever.

[@fluffycakes7921]

Fantastic & brilliant! Am in a Polyamorous relationship now..but spent my whole life a die hard romantic..never understanding the rules of romance! If you entered a new relationship - all past romantic feelings MUST be left at the door??? ..I never understood why I had to hide feelings & play silly mind games...instead of just being myself. Polyamory is total & utter peace of mind..😊

[@Autumn_Forest_]

OMG, I can so relate! How old are you, if I might ask?

[@sweetbeep]

Sara M .....wait a bit

[@iridescentsquids]

sweet beep...wait for what?

[@baghhazarika3530]

Basically u got two slaves to control one of which if is married to you is adraid of getting away coz he might end up paying a huge settlement to a parasite like u.

[@kbanghart]

@@baghhazarika3530 uh no

[@IskE]

2024 and this is still so true, he explains very well. “Finally I wasn’t a freak for wanting love but not feeling fulfilled by monogamy”

[@ianjamiesonmusic]

He sounds like my brain, verbalised.

[@chrissnyder2091]

Love is an infinite resource and is the only one that expands as you use it.

[@patriziacalvio5092]

Knowledge...? I like the idea tho

[@chrissnyder2091]

@@patriziacalvio5092 thank you very good point

[@amirhossein7984]

Someone finally spoke my heart, it feels so good not to hide this, I'm me.

[@MyRapNameIsAlex]

Such a wonderful presentation. I'm surprised by the lack of dislikes. Maybe the world actually is changing a bit.

[@hebince44]

MyRapNameIsAlex Since when are 200 people the world?

[@tfwddrummer]

+hebince44 200 people from around the world is a decent representation

[@thedarkmaster4747]

+hebince44 Lo... ;)

[@edclear9215]

Maybe most are indifferent. People can do as they please, but when they begin to make a cult out of things, shows they have a problem with their "life style choice". By the way, it is a complete distortion of what a successful loving relationship is. Maybe the guy just needs to look a little more at the larger world and less to his own.

[@11thD0ct0rfan]

How is it distorting what a successful relationship is?

[@AzariahMarinaStarcaster]

Almost 4 years later, and this video is still really relevant. Or, at the very least, finding it a month or two ago has really helped me understand how I feel about relationships in general. I'm grateful for the existence of this video. Thank you so much. ^w^ (Side note: Leon, if you see this comment, you grew up into a well-spoken and very handsome man. >/////>)

[@leonfeingold2948]

Thanks, thanks, and thanks. (I occasionally check in to see what people have to say! Yours was a nice comment to read. I'll tell my mother you approve.)

[@BuckBowen]

Such a great blend of humor, information, and mindfulness.

[@juancarlosmartinez1718]

Thank you for sharing this. It took me years to realize I am polyamorous. Looking to learn more since I'm new to it.

[@Aggressive_carebear]

Go for you! There will be many highs and lows but just remember the love you share for your partner(s) and yourself.

[@hobosloth3242]

it's the same for me. I have been married for almost 10 years and just recently discovering this about myself.

[@teddywilliamson3547]

One can be polyamorous without being polysexual.

[@stevoofd]

Teddy Williamson that’s called friendship. I don’t see love and friendship as two qualitative different states, it’s just a division we have created with words. Rather, I see them as quantitative gradations on one continuum of love. Where indiferrence is situated on the left side, friendship more towards the middle and romantic love on the utter right side. A primary partner therefore is on the right side, and secondary partners are to the left of your primary partner, but the force binding your connection towards those people is the same: love.

[@zufex2029]

HIV will teach them how it works. :D

[@kbanghart]

@@zufex2029 what does HIV have anything to do with it?

[@veronika4870]

of course :)

[@marcushennings9513]

@@kbanghart I believe Zu was insinuating that sleeping around spreads diseases.

[@xxsm5853]

This was one of the best videos on the topic. It was incredible. Thank you!

[@regevmelker4781]

Learning compersion was deeply meaningful to me. It's like the basis of who I am and I use it all the time.

[@jessicaolson0474]

I've never felt it

[@thecobaltroom]

Wow... such a great, honest presentation. Gave me lots to think about. :)

[@50shadesfor34]

We definitely enjoyed your talk about polyamorous relationships. The three of us have been in a very successful loving triple for about 3 years now and couldn't imaging being in any other type of relationship. Being in a triple is always fun and exciting. Cheers!

[@leonfeingold2948]

Congrats and hi to your partners! Thanks for the props ;)

[@elvnprince]

@Nyarlathotep all three of them have a pair. 😜

[@Shindai]

What a brilliant speaker! Concise, good visual aids, just the right amount of humour to keep people relaxed and not overwhelmed by information, but not so much to distract. A very compelling case for polyamoury, and the latest in a few videos I've seen now that makes me wonder whether it's time to explore it, since in monogamous relationships, I feel tremendous pressure to be all things and meet every need and want, which is of course unsustainable and breeds resentment over time. Multiple partners just seems more natural and healthy to me. Food for thought.

[@mislovelover31]

I'm definitely polyamorous but my girlfriend is not. I feel really guilty for having feelings for others but I'd never act on it.

[@miesjegarcia843]

I'm in the same situation.

[@EspritsFantomes]

It's nothing against you but from what I've seen online, I wonder why poly people still get into a relationship with someone who's not I mean you both know it's not going to work out that well so why?

[@aleaodonnell1579]

Me and my boyfriend just broke up after having a discussion that he might be poly. But I am so broken hearted, I feel so obliterated that I was not enough. Please help meeee!!!!!!

[@Cry45botdf1rands]

When u realize who u r.... Man this is amazing

[@staceylandfield5002]

being exactly matched isn't the goal. it is to open your mind and grow

[@PyroMynx]

Thank you for verbalizing something I've tried to explain for years. 😊

[@ChelseaLewis-ev6kr]

Ahh! I have explained all of this to my wasband using the exact same analogies! Grateful to be free to love and be loved the way I need again

[@kathyliu2749]

I love this talk!!!! I sent it to my friends and they said it made their relationships better. I wish everyone could watch it.

[@laken1804]

Great audience, most cheerful TEDx audience I've seen.

[@johnhobley]

This speech was amazing. Thank you so much.

[@chrissnyder2091]

I have enjoyed describing polyamory as a "roll your own relationship".. you get to make it up as you go along

[@maszenia]

AMAZING! Thank you, it freed my mind.

[@BeautifulRealist]

You can love many people, yes, but you don't have to have sex with everyone you love, either.

[@hebince44]

Beautiful Realist That's true. And that's exactly the way we have been accustomed to think. He's just saying that it's OK to have another sexual relationship if there is consent from all sides. And maybe it *is* ok.

[@BeautifulRealist]

I have no problem with people consenting and having sex with each other. It's just that you can love people and not have sex with them. Like your kids, pets, family...

[@hebince44]

Beautiful Realist Yeah that's true. But what about friends from the opposite sex...

[@BeautifulRealist]

No big deal; you can love and have consensual sex with whom ever....doesn't even have to be love it can just be sex. Everyone expresses love differently.

[@BeautifulRealist]

I can't tell anyone with whom they can have sex with or love. I can only control myself.

[@christyamar]

So great! Love the word COMPERSION and how you dealt with jealousy. thank you! to

[@ctf3414]

Believe it or not, there are some of us with only a finite amount of love to give. Now, while I appreciate the poly folks who admit that monogamy can work... I am getting tired of of everyone talking about how it's all due to societal conditioning. As though monogamous folks - like myself - are merely this way because we were "taught" it. I salute those who have examined & discovered their true selves, no matter which persuasion. But this suggestion that monogamy is forcibly taught on society, by society, needs to stop.

[@dangerouskindmexico]

I absolutely agree with you. Monogamy is a choice, just like we choose to listen to rock music or avant garde. So is polyamory, and both should be respected, not considered one as an option because of the failure of the other. We all deserve to openly love, be loved and be happy, and if everyone involved is respectful, any option could work.

[@ctf3414]

Very true. I guess what irks me, is when so many poly folks attempt to justify their choices, by denigrating monogamy as "unnatural". To each their own as long as no one is being hurt. Be each side needs to stop blaming the other for the choices they make.

[@michaelseibert8719]

CTF uh people will tell you it's unnatural not to have kids. People always think that one thing is more natural than other things.

[@ctf3414]

Michael Seibert very true, and it's ridiculous. Just because it's what one prefers, has no bearing on whether not it's more natural than the alternative.

[@thepapermuffinusaf]

Its not that its forcibly taught, its just that due to how society has changed monogamy has become the normal, and as a child growing up, if all you see is monogamy, its ingrained in the developing mind as the way it should be. so now we have people who don't want to be discriminated against for the choices they make and are trying to explain that its not as weird as most people have been "raised" to think

[@X3CaseyXCalico]

I recently have a wife that came out as polyamorous. She had told me this after performing acts with her dance partner, it really hurt me. There was no indication that this would occur. I love her a lot and I don’t want to try to ‘own’ a person(my partner/wife). She has stated it is great to love people, as i do agree, but there is a difference in platonic and romantic. We are currently separated and her dance partner feels terrible for what has occurred while my wife does not feel bad for what she has discovered about herself.

[@vkrgfan]

If it hurts move on, polys shouldn’t deceive you about who they are. She could be a Narcissist. Polys do have feelings, if she doesn’t feel bad she lacks empathy so this could mean Cluster B disorders Psychopathy or Narcissism.

[@X3CaseyXCalico]

@@vkrgfan it took me a while to move on. I reviewed a lot of what happened. The marriage wouldn’t have worked out due to too much control and manipulation on her end. She was offered to talk to a poly couple and refused so that her narration only fit her needs. I believe you are correct on the type B personality. Mono vs poly(enm), each have moral rules

[@blacklyfe5543]

Could've told her you want multiple girlfriends while her being monogamous to you

[@leonfeingold2948]

Please share this video! Every view and "like" helps encourage discussion and awareness about educated choices in relationships.

[@version.c8758]

I am falling in love with this guy... I guess this my first taste of polyamory.

[@DerbyCityNaturals]

Bravo! Incredibly insightful and well explained. This should be required viewing.

[@sessahme]

My wife just threw this on me and I try to be open minded about everything but I was feeling a little stressed and anxious. This guy made everything make sense, in theory, and I am looking forward to give polyamory a try.

[@LukeCrockerExellence]

Just make sure to take it slow, and dont "take one for the team" sort of speak.

[@lulubegaga]

Hello! How did it go? Are you feeling much happier than how you were before? I'm a monogamous guy myself, but I'm really curious about your experience. Peace

[@eddiepole3645]

She threw it on you? As in, "hey, I'm poly now and you can get on board or hit the bricks" and you have no say in anything? You got the short end of the stick is so. Cut your losses and run. If she can't come to you and talk about it then she has no respect for you and it will only go down hill for you.

[@Lashkor]

Get out. It isn't worth it.

[@Heavens-Humanaterian-Army]

oh my god I am poly in my heart,i have been forcing my husband to love me against what is in his heart,just for the sake of our children, I feel we are both worthy of a tru deep connection with other people and maybe that will make us better affectionate copearents that happen to shear a bed at night and can cuddle knowing that we are romantically loved by another.

[@BrianaCampo]

Try poly!

[@1019jen]

@mike jones huh?

[@pennyritter4768]

Huh?@@sebastianmartinez5508

[@khatarootube]

I would rather have someone tell me upfront and be honest with me rather than lie to my face or sneak behind my back. I have gotten so much more out of life than with just one person. More people to to love and be loved. Envy still happens but it's usually fleeting and if it doesn't go away, then we talk about it. That is a commitment we made to each other.

[@paxdriver]

It's nice that there's finally a talk on this subject without it being strictly about sex. Communication and love, how terrible lol. Great presentation.

[@Heavens-Humanaterian-Army]

+Kris Driver I totally agree,and this is looking like my dream come try very soon due to my hubby just telling me he has never really loved me deeply but loves our kids. Looks like now we can get our own extra romantic partner and maybe just raise our kids and cudle. (I still love him lots but he is definitely not my soul mate) im so greatful for these concepts being out there.

[@paxdriver]

i know. it's so strange that for so long i was unable to consider it just because of my own insecurities. There is nothing negative about communication and love unless they're neglected, which has nothing to do with poly at all lol

[@one4me03]

Anyone else realizing this in 2020???

[@CalculusDaddy]

Polyamorous relationships kind of just seem like being single with extra steps

[@leonfeingold4482]

In some ways it is! Being solo poly in particular is a lot like that. The big difference between poly and being single is the absence of automatic expectations of monogamy. But those extra steps make sure everyone's on the same page and fulfilling compatible needs, which tends to be worth it for those who aren't naturally monogamous.

[@Ava-qb1wp]

How are you "single with extra steps" if you're in a relationship or multiple?

[@latinaalma1947]

I am a psychologist and non judgmental about these life choices. These options have been available always but esp since the 1960s and very popular since then so there is no new grou d being broken here, dont kid yourself..however monogamy, polyamory, celibacy...whatever lifestle you choose and for many it will be periods of ALL these.,,LIFE is challenging amd there is going to be challenge whatever you choose...there IS no easy choice...it is YOUR life and you will choose and likely change and grow over time,back and forth through at least some of these styles of living ...just dont be surprised that there is no panacea or PERFECT failsafe choice...dont overly romanticize any of these choices you are setting yourself up for disapointmentif you do. AGAIN THERE IS NO PERFECT CHOICE. Sybil Francis PhD

[@leonfeingold2948]

Would you agree that knowing you HAVE a choice is better than the alternative…?

[@stephridestheworld]

Well - you could also "discover someone new" by actually listening to your partner, not just in terms of what they're verbalizing, but paying. attention. Which is what lots of people stop doing after a while and then wonder why they are bored. I feel as if monogamy or polyamory are almost a bit like sexual orientation. Some are made for it, others aren't. What annoys my though, are the arguments of how one is "evil" or the other is more "evolved". If poly is so "evolved" then why do advocates keep making references to the animal kingdom? And what about animal males who kill their rivals out of, well, sexual jealousy? One isn't better than the other, so stop trying to convince people to join your side. It's like convincing someone (not) to be gay. Relationships require compromise. The question is if one party's pleasure is bought at the cost of the other party's emotional safety - are you in the "right" relationship to begin with?

[@lizziejm3154]

@MichaelPA1023 I think it often takes 'training', or practice. We are conditioned to believe that if one person doesn't choose only us then they must not love us truly, or as much as we love them. But over time we can learn that this isn't necessarily the case - that someone can truly and fully love more than one person. It can be very challenging until we get to that point - and even then there will be difficult moments. And we need to choose whether we are ready to explore the 'open relationship' thing, or simply not. Thich Nhat Hanh said, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” But the other must also understand you and your limits, and support you in your needs as you 'train', with reassurance, and a lot of love. If you want to try it, that is. I personally fell in love with someone where that was the only option - accept or don't be with him. I chose to go for it, and it's been the most loving, fulfilling, transforming, amazing relationship of my life. It's lasted the longest - by far.

[@Personaje123]

@@DamienHemlock could you detail what characteristics people have that makes poly work for them?

[@vkrgfan]

He isn’t recruiting, he is openly stating that whatever you choose make sure you are being honest with yourself but the are flaws in his explanation I totally agree.

[@caitlin4128]

wow. this is an amazing talk and now i have a name for what i feel

[@StevenBinko]

This is someone I’d very much enjoy having late night conversations with.

[@leonfeingold4482]

Why wait until late night? I'm pretty easy to find. (And I run a monthly board game meetup, so why not try me there?)

[@psd1955]

One of the best talks on the subject.

[@longerstoryshorty6511]

The abbreviated thing at the end looked like "My Truth Is Not Your Truth, But You Think I'm OK" XD same diff awesome talk!!

[@HomemakerDaze]

incompatable people fall inlove all the time omg yes

[@AristotleFullThrottle]

That crowd is laughing way toooooo hard at his corny af jokes. They all his partners?

[@shanlui5228]

😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣Ahahah!!!!!!!

[@DivineLoveMachineGun]

🤣

[@s1lverwaffles]

When he said that the name of the site wasn't that funny and then they laughed he looked so disappointed

[@justkimmying]

Too forced. Yes.

[@IceCreamConversations]

wow, this is so empowering. i love this.

[@tanyenomichelle7021]

I really enjoyed this talk. Here for research more than anything (I am monogamous), but he said alot that is just great wisdom. And I liked that I could track his point, great Ted Talk!

[@lunawolfheart336]

thank you all my life i felt like some freak cursed to fall for more then one persom at once but now i understand that my heart is just too big to only love one person

[@leonfeingold4482]

You're welcome. Keep learning.

[@kathycusentino8782]

LoL 😂

[@whenmunkysfly]

Dude nailed!!! it with this presentation I'm sharing this with everyone

[@chrissnyder2091]

In addition I like describe love as an infinite resource perhaps the only one that expands as we use it

[@parafacerocks289]

I am not sure about love but definitely attractions, having fun and enjoyment and being happy.

[@paulinefife142]

This was a very professional presentation. I only watched it last week. Gave me a perfect understanding of polyamory and being honest with your partners instead of "cheating". It's true you can't find everything you want in one person. Only thing you didn't cover is the importance of safe sex. Also, how does a polyamorous love song go?

[@legion3964]

Pauline Fife no one is perfect but if you find the right monogamous spouse then it’s can be a great marriage poly propels are not superior it’s just waist right for you

[@twinsoultarot473]

Well my fave is "Love The One Your With"! Interpreted as; you can love more than one person.

[@terrygerych7327]

this is a great talk! it's made me want to re-explore poly, which i dabbled in many years ago, but lost contact with, as i live a rather sheltered isolated life in a conservative small town. i've mentioned polyamory to a few women i was attracted to, but haven't yet found anyone nearby who has responded positively to it. i guess i'll have to try a dating site like the one mentioned in this talk, ok cupid, which hopefully will produce a positive result. anyway, thanks, leon!

[@leonfeingold2948]

My pleasure! Good luck.

[@marcuswardshow]

Polyamory: A Husband and Wife's Open Marriage | Marcus Ward Show @wHZ8

[@marjoriemaluca1396]

I'm starting to gain more interest in this type odd relationship

[@TheJaredscott83]

@@marjoriemaluca1396I see this comment was a year ago. I’m curious where your journey has taken you?

[@marjoriemaluca1396]

@Jared Scott my job isn't dating friendly so I haven't pursued it

[@martinleeblack9837]

Great speech! I love it. Thank you!

[@monicataylor4026]

After finding some of my friends are poly this has helped me understand it

[@JasonandaCamera]

You are a great friend :)

[@emiliu.525]

I relate to this so much..

[@jackcarlheinz219]

why?

[@Sunyatanya]

Ah yes the compatibility point i feel is such an important illustration. Love is a powerful embodiement, choice, faith... however compatibility makes things more harmonious and therefore alows our energy to be more available for evolution .. in some respects. I do respect how challenge causes evolution and we get what we need whereever we are in our path and sometimes that's challenge for growth. Mahalo!

[@tracystarreveld]

Thank you for this inspired, informative and eye-opening talk - totally blowing my mind! : )

[@GionisTheWanderer]

"Love shall be the whole of the law, love under will."

[@hetalmunshi8831]

This was life transforming. Thank you. THANK YOU. This just saved my heart.

[@kingkong905]

Same, it was insightful. What did you like about it?

[@88tongued]

"It's scary to be vulnerable" -- 14:50 But if it weren't scary then vulnerability would cease to exist. Without privacy or the need for privacy, there can't be vulnerability. Without vulnerability there can't be intimacy. A radically open culture without privacy will lack intimacy. I can bet that there will be people who will try to confuse us that "TRUE intimacy" is what they have and that we're just immature or something for thinking that the old times had a more intense and meaningful intimacy. And what do you think it is that they'll be calling "intimacy"? Attentiveness? Presence? Informedness? All things that we in 2016 can distinguish from 'intimacy'.

[@willbraunfeld4875]

"But if it weren't scary then vulnerability would cease to exist. Without privacy or the need for privacy, there can't be vulnerability. Without vulnerability there can't be intimacy." I don't understand why you're relating privacy to emotional vulnerability; it's not about keeping things private, it's about being willing to make a deep emotional connection to another human being, and the reason that's scary is because it puts you in a position where that person can harm you by, say, walking out, or breaking boundaries. That has nothing to do with privacy.

[@JKozlovable]

I've been struggling for a couple weeks with my introduction into polyamory. It seems, I just didn't really understand it at all; and because of it, I've been feeling pretty unhappy for a while. Looks like the terms that me and my partner set for ourselves are inadequate. I better renegotiate now that I have a better understanding. Thanks a lot.

[@truthministry7462]

Powerful thoughs and critical thinking

[@simphiwengema3133]

Thus was The most greatest talks I have ever heard in my life.

[@leonfeingold2948]

Oh, you'll love the book when it comes out.

[@foundationsmedicalinformat2420]

Aha…. THIS must be the TED Talk that my partner found that made her suggest polyamory. Great speaker, Great Message. I’ll report back later on whether this ended up being a very good or a very bad thing. 😅

[@leahflower9924]

😂

[@foundationsmedicalinformat2420]

Bad. It was a very bad thing.

[@JasonandaCamera]

@@foundationsmedicalinformat2420 sorry to hear, mind sharing what happened?

[@TheJaredscott83]

@@foundationsmedicalinformat2420we are dying to hear the details.

[@miguelrobinson6631]

Thanks for sharing this. I needed this

[@leonfeingold4482]

Glad it helped.

[@JunZhang-ralphjzhang]

One of THE best I've ever seen on this subject! Also such a pleasure to know there are such communities that share this idea.

[@marcierenee15]

FABULOUS!

[@mi1056]

Best ted talk. I've been struggling with the idea of my newly found love being invested emotionally in someone else. She has always communicated it and explained that the profound love she has for me is totally unique to the love she has for the other. I'm excited to put these lessons into practice, as I want her to be happy and I can have the freedom to express the love I have to give. I think she is a life partner, so I'm willing to learn and discover what love should truley be for me.

[@retroblue69696]

Mi10 and being a cuckhold in the process and struggling with losing your masculinity that’s what these relationships do people use it as a excuse to cheat and to be impulsive (you forgot to mention that part)

[@z4k4z]

Entertaining and positive. Polyamory makes so much sense.

[@BriarRoseThorne]

I love this

[@yunuenhagane3495]

This made me feel there is a word for how I love and love never runs out

[@marcuswardshow]

Polyamory: A Husband and Wife's Open Marriage | Marcus Ward Show @wHZ8

[@leonfeingold4482]

Love doesn't run out, but resources do.

[@elisakrivas]

@@marcuswardshow Um...not always...some just start as a triad or before marriage

[@cole9185]

Preach. Awesome. *claps*

[@danieldomaschenz]

I'm only halfway through, but I just had to stop and say that this is already the best talk on polyamory I've ever heard!

[@lamoon1525]

The heart wants...what the heart wants and its all okay :)

[@pennyritter4768]

Couldn't have said it better. The heart wants... what the heart wants.

[@FruityHachi]

my ears exploded because of audience's laughs other than that, this is the best speech on polyamory i have heard so far "resources are finite. time, money, energy are all limited. but the love we have to share is only limited as we limit it" divorce and infidelity rates are proof that monogamy is not for everyone. if only people were true to themselves and accepted that monogamy is not for them, i believe there would be less cheating and divorces which resulted from cheating in monogamous relationships.

[@TigerPrawn_]

I think it's so silly that we expect one person to meet all our needs, that's a big pressure. Of course the idea that you have only one soul-mate is very romantic (Plato's symposium -Aristophanes is a beautiful representation of it), it's not always realistic, your soul-mate might be on the other side of the world! Maybe you can have many soul-mates :)

[@kimroberson7424]

Great talk now I’m understanding poly

[@Aggressive_carebear]

This is so true , like people always ask " how can't you get jealous " because I trust my partner, and I do get jealous. Only with people I don't know and don't trust yet.

[@lizrusso9274]

Love this 💕💕💕💕