Boys Don't Cry (Except When They Do)

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Since we all know that boys (and men) do cry, this video focuses on the relatively narrow set of social circumstances where those tears are permitted.
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RECOMMENDED READING
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• The Gender Knot by Allan G Johnson
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CREDITS
Writer/Editing: Jonathan McIntosh
Outro music: Rick Lopez

[@sohanurrahman3006]

Lord of the rings handled this so well. The male characters openly showed affection for one another, whether it be a kiss on the forehead or verbal appreciation. Their tears were never shunned by others. "I will not say 'do not weep', for not all tears are evil" - Tolkien

[@katara2021]

I've found that Asian movies and shows are better with this. Crying isn't as stigmatized here especially in media. Most of the korean shows I've showed a tenderness in the handling of male characters. A lot of anime that I've watched also shows crying more casually than other mediums. Have you heard of BTS? A lot of their non music content is a super good example of healthy male friendships. They are so comfortable with each other physically and emotionally. And they are not afraid to cry on stage at all. I don't know if its an Asian thing, in my country too boys are quite comfortable with each other physically. Which I think is a very essential component of friendships. The amount of comfort and reassurance a hug from a friend can give is amazing. I find that men in the west almost seem touch starved.

[@lalvien1430]

hell yeah. Aragorn is the perfect example. He is a great leader, he shows affection to his friends without doubts, he cries and he loves. Such a well-written character.

[@bonafide4874]

@@katara2021 What country do you live in btw? I've heard men in Russia are quite affectionate and open with each other, at least physically I think. I knew some Asian countries as well were like this, but I was wondering if there were any more?

[@katara2021]

@@bonafide4874 I'm from India and I can personally attest that men are genuinely comfortable with each other here. Of course our country still has a lot of problems related to women's equality but men crying and being physically affectionate with each other isn't stigmatized. I mean my cousin would have zero problem sharing the same single bed and blanket with another men level of openness. Plus no one will imply that he is gay because of it. Though the crying thing can be a problem in the military.

[@siddharthkrishna8463]

No homo, Mr Frodo

[@snowpocalypse69]

From Phineas and Ferb: Isabella: "Buford, do you... have something in your eye?" Buford: "No, I'm just crying!"

[@aurin_komak]

Beautiful

[@ImNotAProfessional]

Was this the part when he was asked before if he was crying and he replied no he had smth in his eye then counteracted it

[@AmaraQueenOfDice]

mood

[@FNFMidnightofRetro]

boys literally cry.

[@Felixia33]

I hated that Thor grief's was played as a joke. He lost everything, his home, his family and then he does even get to cry when seeing his death mother after years?

[@c.m.9369]

Honestly, the way they turned Thor into a joke all together was a mistake. If they hadn't, they could have played the exact same scene, but with a more genuin touch. Although, given how male tears usually are dealt with, if Thor hadn't been turned into a joke at that point, they wouldn't have had him cry, probably.

[@lenaleewalker7704]

Also look at him in this scene and the scenes before, I think he clearly suffers from depression, he doesnt leaves his house anymore, has a serious alcohol problem and doesn't bother about self care and hygiene anymore. And then he gets triggered by seeing his dead mother after he lost absolutely everything he gets mocked for it. Not fair and very toxic. Normally someone like that needs therapy

[@ExeErdna]

@@choronos That's because they did him and Hulk dirty. Personally I didn't care for Ragnarok yet what I saw is that everything leading to "end game" pretty much ended the worth of all the characters. Like it seemed they pulled everybody down and either killed them off or make them jokes.

[@ToxNano]

@@c.m.9369 I think being less serious about Thor and leaning into the absurdity of his character was one of the best decisions the made in the MCU. Ragnarok is pretty great because of it. Of course that doesn't excuse playing his genuine grief for laughs.

[@matthewweatherford6566]

I'm creating an audio series and I'm planning for at least one character who is a man (13 year old boy, but still...) to cry as much and as hard as a female and I'll make sure it's not played as a joke (I might make an exception for happy tears). I also intend on doing the voice myself and I plan on actually crying while recording my lines.

[@AceHBK972]

This makes me think about how Marvel handled Thor'a grief vs how they handled Wanda's. Thor's was for laughs & jokes while Wanda's was taken more seriously.

[@Uncleanwiener1231]

Real

[@Maddock_]

Even though she went completely bananas and did a whole lot of *abuse and murder* on the way

[@temmie7500]

In Infinity War? Not particularly. In Endgame? Don’t get me started lol

[@WWNbroadcasts]

Despite the fact Thor lost more and treated it better like wanda went crazy and killed loads

[@ahmedshaharyarejaz9886]

Yeah man, Thor lost everything! His entire family and his entire homeworld and his place in his society. Its all gone. And they just go about making fatguy jokes about his beer gut and cheese eating.

[@willeo8371]

I have an advice for parents. When your young children cry a lot, it can be exhausting, so you might be tempted to tell them ‘stop crying so much’. But in my experience it is WAY more efficient to sit down with them and invite them with a warm voice to cry as much and as loud as they need. Often they stop within a minute. Trying to fight back tears is in fact causing more later.

[@ekaluraw4376]

So much this! Being there to listen and to help is so much better

[@tusenbensen334]

Yeah, the only exception is when kids cry for manipulative reasons, to get what they want (without asking with their words first). Then a "stop crying, please use your words" is reasonable.

[@laurenbi]

I’ve watched my aunt teach her little kids how to breathe through their crying and their tears, more along the lines of giving them coping mechanisms to help calm down. She doesn’t vilify or suppress their emotions, but she doesn’t let them do whatever they want either. I think it’s a good balance point, especially because everyone in the house (the parents, guests, and siblings) have to suffer when a toddler decides to cry as loudly as possible when he doesn’t get the cookie he wants. We shouldn’t be teaching kids that it’s okay to react like that when they don’t get what they want for the sake of preserving their emotions. It’s important to have discernment in the situation, as well as with the child. There are times when I’d let my kid cry freely, and other times when I would say to them “it’s time to exercise self-control” and not enable bad behavior.

[@YuniX2]

Exactly! Learn to replace "don't cry" with "you can cry". Kids need to know that they are safe, no matter how vulnerable they are being. Letting people cry (not just children) helps them find stability and safety. It helps the body complete it's stress response too, as hormones like cortisol only go down when the body has received a cue that it is safe.

[@YuniX2]

@@tusenbensen334 Nope, "stop crying" is not acceptable even in that situation, "I will listen when you use your words" is all that you need to say. You can let children know that manipulation is unacceptable without villainizing crying.

[@UnfilteredMay]

something that i noticed everytime "are you crying?" was asked is the accusatory and kind of shocked tone, rather than a tender and loving show of support

[@samuelconnolly347]

So much this. The sad thing, as a man, I often find myself denying it or playing it off as a bit of hayfever or the wind. I know I shouldn't and should just be comfortable being emotional.

[@novicioussantana1668]

Is this some western thing? Because I remember anytime some boy cried we always tried to console them yet this is never depicted in any movies whatsoever.

[@saffronrhodes4607]

@@novicioussantana1668 I don't think its a western thing. Toxic masculinity and patriarchy is everywhere.

[@Vesperitis]

@@novicioussantana1668 speaking as a Southeast Asian, boys crying is definitely frowned upon and mocked here.

[@samuelconnolly347]

@@novicioussantana1668 Good question. I actually think a big part of it is the fear of being ridiculed rather than that being the reality. If one of my male friends or my dad were to walk in on me crying, I'm pretty sure they'd just give me a hug and ask me what's wrong (and I'd do the same in reverse). However, I'd be very embarrassed, which is ridiculous. There's a stereotype in western media that Asian men tend to be effeminate and so are probably given more license to cry (the stereotype is wrong; the emotional expression is not). My experiences of having worked in South Asia for several years is that social connections tend to be much stronger, especially same-sex ones. Male friends will frequently hold hands or have their arms around each others backs as they walk around town - something I'd never do with my male friends. My Indian friends were definitely much more emotionally expressive than I could be. There's a flip side to this that Indian men tend not to have as many female friends as western men as relationship norms are very different, and this has observable consequences as men grow up in their attitudes towards women. As is often the case, I think there are positive and negative aspects of all cultures, including the broad East--West differences, and we should aspire to learn from each other, looking at what other people do better than us and try and understand why.

[@frodobaggins4794]

i'll die mad about how marvel played thor's weight gain & alcoholism in response to losing everyone he loved for laughs

[@evilandmaliciouswarwick]

one thing that really frustrated me was that he wasn't even 'that fat', especially with how much they exaggerated it. i proportionally have more body fat than "fat thor" did, and it was just weird to watch that scene, being expected to react with "wow, he is really massive now, how pathetic." it could've been quite interesting if they portrayed it properly. superhero type characters always Have to have "perfect" bodies, so the premise of thor not being excessively muscular is just cool.

[@lightgivener]

I think humor is often a response to awkwardness or situations on which there is a conflict of reaction. Kids being rude is funny for example because they act outside the socially acceptable paradigms. Irony is funny. Odd combinations are funny. Comedy often works in this way and I think it is important to reflect that because humor isn't necessarily "cheap". It unveils. I therefore get the suspicion and criticism but I think you can gain understanding through humor or humor can help to highlight conflicts or the inability to deal in other ways. Jojo Rabbit deals with Nazi Germany through humor. That doesn't mean the point it makes are not valid or that it is not a serious film regarding horrors. Likewise the Thor Humor in endgame for me makes his trauma more accessible. Viewers can ease some of the awkwardness of dealing with this situation of seeing him in an "odd" or irritating way through humor. Which can help normalise the situation. It's a tricky road but I did not think it cheapened Thors depression. Hemsworth did a wonderful job. It highlighted his and our inability to deal with humor instead of aggressive retribution storytelling. His mother allowing him to express his emotions and caring for him was not a humor situation and allowed him to deal with his grief in other ways going forward.

[@kennethsatria6607]

I don't know for me it seemed like he was trying to hide it. Of course he'd look ridiculous by contrast but people weren't actively mocking him more than usual like Tony calling him Big lebowski.

[@3dsmaster537]

Even worse, is that the producers wanted to change Thor back to skinny Thor once he got his mojo back, but Chris Hemsworth didn't like the idea of needing to be skinny to be strong. Thank heavens for him

[@lunab541]

@@3dsmaster537 wow I was definitely expecting this to happen at the cinema like "obviously they wouldn't let one of their strongest macho-est heroes go to battle looking like this". I was so pleasantly surprised, fat Thor is best Thor and he resonated so much with me and my friends. I should have figured it wasn't the producers idea 🙄

[@Quarter_Turn]

Wait, I never noticed that--- fathers can cry at heir daughters' weddings, but not their sons'. That's so weird.

[@AlcoholicJugg]

Cause they’re losing their daughters not their sons

[@borderlands10]

​@@AlcoholicJugg sounds like a double standard.

[@AlcoholicJugg]

@@borderlands10 it’s not, at a wedding the father literally gives away his daughter to another man, not the other way around

[@borderlands10]

@@AlcoholicJugg aaand how does that not apply to their sons, exactly? Like I said, sounds like a double standard.

[@AlcoholicJugg]

@@borderlands10 quick question, who normally gives up their last name in a marriage?

[@ninjahunter101]

Why am I not surprised that The Big Bang Theory had a perfect example of a man tearing up being used as a cheap joke?

[@otrachicadeyoutube6853]

Because that show takes any chance it gets to be as subtly sexist as possible.

[@giulia1361]

@@otrachicadeyoutube6853 I think were way past subtlety when it comes to that show.

[@Vitorruy1]

Garbage show

[@c.m.9369]

To be fair, you'll probably have a hard time finding any comedy-sitcom that doesn't have these kind of jokes.

[@akielsteewart8577]

@@Vitorruy1 almost every comedy sitcom ever has that joke.

[@kristalcampbell3650]

Ultimate take away: uncle iroh is everything and he deserves more praise.

[@SCHRODINGERS_WHORE]

Yeah I cried iroh broke me

[@VexDeePhilosophs]

YES, omg i loved this man so much while watching, he was so emotionally mature, and a good masculinity representation, is really beautiful

[@roseclouds5838]

his advice as well as the one episode where zuko has to learn how to firebend again without his anger being a source is so genuine

[@avykh99]

Rip his voice actor

[@Solipsisticdaydreams]

Leaves from the vine may as well be a faucet handle for my face.

[@buriedberry]

Growing up, my dad took "boys don't cry" literally and to the extreme. As in, we were not even permitted to cry at funerals. We had to stand there stone-faced. He's mellowed as he's aged, so now he doesn't get upset by other men or boys crying, but he still gets frustrated when he cries himself. I wonder how much healthier and happier a person he would be if he had been allowed to really feel his feelings.

[@nolastname908]

I felt the same way, when i was in 5th or 6th grade, these older kids (probably middle schoolers or high schoolers) made fun of me because not just crying but saying "Venus" while crying and they mistook it to be something else and after that I stopped crying... now back then i didn't know that holding back my emotions would lead to negative effects to myself in the future. And now that i have a brighter future ahead of myself I'm allowing myself to cry more it just makes me feel stronger as a man to cry then have my emotions held back slowly breaking me down like a boulder in a large river

[@megangriffith9630]

I’m female but from an British family- so I can relate especially not crying at funerals

[@Saddam-Hussein.]

Your dad sounds like a true man

[@chidaluokoro9104]

@@Saddam-Hussein. a stupid man

[@Appleeatpie97]

@@Saddam-Hussein. say sike now

[@boiledelephant]

"Movies tell us over and over again that if men allow themselves to feel vulnerable, they will be rendered useless." oof

[@arrexu01]

we don't need movies for that. reality does it for us

[@Pottan23]

that is reality lol, the only woman who can see you cry and not change her opinion about you is your mother

[@Copemaxer]

They will. Not being able to follow the standards of society is a sign of incapableness.

[@PinkOrangeOrangePink]

Real life has taught me vulnerability will be met with offense, hurt, and getting ass kicked

[@Copemaxer]

@@PinkOrangeOrangePink based and true.

[@lilaah7]

Crying is literally nature's stress-relieving gift to us. It physiologically 'drains' away stress and brings feelings of relief and peace. To deny men this powerful method of catharsis due to social structures and expectations is... downright cruel.

[@toomuchinformation]

It certainly has this effect on women, but I've read that physiologically it doesn't confer the same benefits on men.

[@Hjernespreng]

@@toomuchinformation Incorrect. I'm a dude, and crying is always enormous cathartic relief.

[@giraffelangenek398]

@@toomuchinformation That doesn’t make any sense. Men and women are different genders, not different species.

[@toomuchinformation]

@@Hjernespreng You're but one example, I am talking more generally and based on research.

[@compout2]

@@toomuchinformation where did you read that exactly?

[@snooopert1048]

"But the myth that vulnerability is synonymous with a complete loss of control, and therefore incompatible with power, is so corrosive and so strong that many men have come to believe they must kill their emotional sides in order to be useful members of society." brb just reevaluating my entire existance

[@benhization]

Women believe it too

[@RachelBayati]

@@benhization Even as a woman, I used to be someone who never cried in front of others. I didn't like feeling of vulnerability. But as I've gotten older and gone through loss, I've realized that there is power in expressing emotions, even sadness. They only way to really deal with strong emotions is to feel them and move through them. If you hold them in, they eat away at you. If you let them free, you slowly become free yourself.

[@teehlfx5238]

17:53 Such a powerful and meaningful statement.

[@toasturhztoastbunz896]

I mean... that fact does have some truth. Many people do tend to act more irrational when driven by emotion. But that doesn't mean emotion is a completely bad thing like how these movies portray it.

[@iago110]

@@toasturhztoastbunz896 to be driven by emotion is different than showing emotion, as much as being emotion can lead to mistakes, the main point is being against men showing any emotion all together

[@KuroNeko22949]

My father was a really good man, he never said to me "boys don't cry" but my school did pretty often, until one of my closest friend commits suicide, because of the expectations the school put on him, in that time I had 15 years, when i received the news i was...shocked to say the least, but I don't shed any tear, until I enter my home, my father see my face, he didn't know what happened, then he hugged me and just say "let it out" I cry over an hour. Sadly my father left us 2 years ago, but I never forget what he do in that time, when I needed release the sadness I had in that day.

[@musicadictor]

I'm sorry for your loss. May the good times stay in your memory forever.

[@sammo457]

I'm so sorry. I lost my best friend to suicide in 2019. I think if he had been able to cry and had less pressure to be the perfect man he'd still be alive.

[@GehennaGates]

Sorry for your loss. Seems like you had a great father.

[@KuroNeko22949]

@@GehennaGates one of the best.

[@neonoir__]

What a great dad. I'm sorry for your loss

[@deepa2690]

thor was literally depressed and people made fun of him :( he lived hundreds of years beforehand, having fun with his friends and not having any major responsibility. then in under 10 years he had his brother betray him, lost his mother, lost his father, had his sister who he didn't know existed try to kill him, lost his home, lost his closest/oldest friend, lost his brother right after they fixed their relationship, and was SO close to killing thanos but didn't, resulting in half the universe being wiped out and feeling the guilt of all of it. thor in endgame deserved better

[@Operation_FUBAR]

That’s one of my favorite things about the Lord of the Rings movies, actually. The male characters, including so-called “manly man” Aragorn, all express their emotions freely. And they’re never ridiculed or seen as lesser by their companions. I really wish more popular media would follow suit. It’d make for much more interesting and diverse characters, in my opinion.

[@roseclouds5838]

I love the fact that Sam is just openly allowed to *care* about his friend it’s never shown as him being weak or (as easily could’ve been done) a comedic character trait. And Frodo is allowed to express verbally how much he appreciates Sam for being there to support him. Frodo’s independence is never seen as this hyper-masculine adversity to loved ones he just _cares_ so much about their safety

[@mechanomics2649]

@@roseclouds5838 It's never shown as weak but people assert that they're queercoded, or LGBT+ representation otherwise.

[@sylviaradoulov7477]

Mmm yeah probably because they’re not on earth 🤷‍♀️

[@brownyuio]

I think that’s one of the things that has kept me glued to that trilogy. We really do need more popular media to follow that example.

[@hellfun1337]

@@mechanomics2649 whenever male characters display non traditionally masculine traits (being small, emotionally open, etc.) they are quick to be claimed by the LGBT+ community as "queer-coded" which basically means "they could have put a queer character here but they didn't because they are homophobes". This is sometimes true of course but other times it just hurts the narrative of redefining masculinity as a spectrum of different behavioral traits other than the stereotype of the hyper masculine 'chad'.

[@Dantyx1]

I remember my father telling me very literally "Boys don't cry, so stop it." I was around 7 or 8 at the time. It's probably no surprise that my family wasn't a very good place to grow up, so it took me about two decades to finally accept that feeling emotional is normal and not wrong. Resources like this video are very important for those of us who didn't get a healthy upbringing.

[@raraavis7782]

Damn. I have a 6 six year old nephew and I can't imagine, telling him off or shaming him, when he's genuinely upset about something. It's so heartbreaking, when kids are in emotional pain. Everything is still so raw and immediate for them at that age. I can only imagine, how painful it must have been, to experience this from a parent 😔

[@boredsoimakevideos12]

This is relatable. I had the same experience growing up.

[@technopoptart]

same

[@M0oranshi]

My brother went through the same, my dad was full of rage. He would not only say things like that, but beat us if we showed emotion to his outbursts. Thank God my brother didn't turn his sadness into the same rage my dad had, but 20 years later, he suffers every day in silence, he pushes himself into work not to feel and can't keep any relationship because he doesn't dare expressing himself, it's so lonely. He only dares to show me, his little sister, how much he struggles, because there is no hiding, I have seen it first hand because we grew up together. I also have difficulty expressing myself, but I realize it's different for men because of many reasons. This video was so on point.

[@M0oranshi]

@Ryan Abrahams You sound like an awesome parent! Your kids are lucky to have you.

[@yellowflower4411]

"Fathers teach their sons not to cry, so little boys learn to hide their feelings. And society likes that, so in that way when they get to be eighteen they will be able to go overseas and kill strangers without feeling anything." George Carlin

[@transfemme5749]

Yes, the american military is the most dangerous form of toxic masculinity

[@adrianghandtchi1562]

Is that why? All this pain just to be a compliant little soldier or factory worker. Absolutely vile.

[@godli7806]

@@transfemme5749 As someone whose served this isn't a good take. The Military is not bad.

[@aleka..]

@@godli7806 you might be _a little_ biased... 🤔

[@jojoadac9400]

OK, thats kind of a reach there

[@mayazc7553]

This culture weighs so heavily on men that I remember how my boyfriend (now husband) used to thank me for letting him be himself in front of me. But I have to admit the first time he cracked in front of me it kinda felt awkward because I didn't expect a guy to cry. It's unfortunate that women, also, propagate this culture by considering men showing emotion less manly. . . . Thank you guys for the likes, I came here after 2 years, and it was a nice surprise 😊

[@strionic770]

My ex left me the first time I cried, saying she "Doesn't judge it, but can't be with a guy who does that". After she'd cry almost every time we spoke and I supported her every single time (I wasn't even the cause)

[@sumdude-named-lemon]

As a younger man I can only say thank you to the women who aren't judgemental towards men when they are at their lowest. It helps us more than you can imagine.

[@XPastaCatX]

@@strionic770 damn. that sounds horrible, i hope you find someone better for you, it sucks how you cant event cry in front of your own partner

[@joshuagalloway5814]

Thank you for this comment. Your husband found a good woman.

[@_Sloppyham]

@@strionic770that sounds like judging lol. And I’m sorry you went though that, but on the bright side it looks like you dodged a huge, immature bullet.

[@tygerinthenight3255]

"Crying like a little girl" is such a well of problematic implications that it's really just crazy that it is so common a phrase.

[@AdrianColley]

It's one of the few common phrases that has more identifiable problems than it has words.

[@DrPOP-jp7eb]

Especially since little girls don't even cry more than little boys.

[@tilaNmanx]

Little girl and little boy cries are pretty much identical anyway. Like if you called someone and their little kid was crying on the background, you wouldn't know to whom that cry belongs to, other than a little kid.

[@jamesdominguez7685]

@Ryan Abrahams - The rise of professional women's Australian football has allowed some awesome teachable moments around that. There's one female player who is a damned near supernatural kicker, and I saw photos of her in flight being shared with "kick like a girl" superimposed.

[@karakurie]

I'm also confused...do little girls cry more than little boys? I don't understand where that came from...

[@shanedonaldson5940]

One of the first things I ever noticed when trying to consume media critically was how cheap men crying in film/tv usually is. Like it tells the audience "Do you get how important this scene is, he's crying!" a lot of times without earning it!

[@monchete9934]

Yeah, it's like that "Applause!" sign for the audience only that it says "Cry!!"

[@Dilmahkana]

A weird thing I've noticed with myself is, I really resonate when there are real people (mainly male actors) shown to cry in real life situations on screen. Seeing someone choke up or letting the emotions come in those real situations, usually expressing love for another, gets to me in a way on screen acting-crying doesn't. I think because the real tears aren't cheap at all, not manufactured. And acting crying is seen fairly often, real ones aren't seen as often. Example, some parts in the behind the scenes of the Lord of the Rings, or Norm Macdonald crying in the final Letterman show.

[@anna-5104]

Tears in movies are usually meant to be dramatic especially during an emotional scene, so when done right, it feels intense. Real life tears are usually "boring" as rude as it may sound. My boyfriend used to cry a lot, I wasn't moved or effected by it, I just comforted him with a hug and nice words and the tears were gone after 3 minutes. He reacts the same when I cry. He gives a little hug and advice and my tears disappear sooner than later. I'm glad that our tears are boring, if they were dramatic it would be really bad news.

[@junglekiity]

Why do men in movies never cry at their own wedding? Literally every man I know who is married, if you ask him, will admit to tears on his big day. My brother is especially vocal about it, he said he couldn't tell what the dress looked like until the reception because his bride was just "a white mist". He's an army ranger, btw.

[@Logitah]

Weddings are like waterfalls of tears and I want to see that in media!

[@katara2021]

@@Logitah Asian media has better representation in that regard, at least when it comes to normalizing men crying and being physically affectionate with their friends.

[@DiscoGoesOn5067]

My dad cried at his wedding too! I've seen him cry more than I've seen my mom cry, which is, never.

[@chadsims5090]

Never understood crying at a wedding. I didn't cry at mine for sure, but sure cry at your wedding I won't judge.

[@roseclouds5838]

@@chadsims5090 happiness?

[@rociomiranda5684]

Thor became a sort of comic relief when he was going through a deep depression after losing his family and his community. People taking to drink and breaking down after such tragedies isn't funny and shouldn't be used for laughs, even in kids' movies. Specially in kids' movies.

[@Ds-uy6qg]

Honestly, it broke my heart the way they treated Thor, especially compared to how they handled Tony Stark's mental health in Iron Man 3. Tony's breakdowns and anxieties were portrayed as the painful burden of the great hero, whereas Thor was just the "fat", beer drinking guy everyone laughed at. I hated that, for many people mental health struggles aren't pretty or sexy, that doesn't mean they deserve less compassion and understanding

[@LetsTryVlogging365]

One of the most amazing things that happened in 2020 was when I met a guy late at night with his dog. It turns out the dog was sick and he felt like shit. I asked him if he needed a hug (covid be damned) he said no but did want a bro shake, when he got close he almost clawed his way into a hug and cried. It was crazy and vulnerable and exactly what he needed. We need to Make space for men To feel bad and connect with their feelings!

[@suzannax]

That's really beautiful, but sad too

[@regularshow960]

Men really need to be cuddled more ;-;

[@owayasomething9295]

@@regularshow960 everyone should have access to platonic consensual cuddles all the time.

[@vivvy_0]

@@owayasomething9295 yuck touch

[@alegria1813]

Thank you for being there for him 😁

[@nathangibson6074]

even just watching all these clips of people crying did start making me tear up a little and were just gonna embrace it aren't we lads

[@ChiWillett]

Always embrace it 😤👌♥️

[@GreebusBleeb]

Boys have pain squad 💪😭❤️

[@h3rbst_schm3rz14]

hell yeah we'll embrace it!! :')

[@herberttheturtle]

Same let’s go from 😢 -> 😭

[@BroadwellElectrics]

Oh, yes. I was already starting, and then Iroh got to me fully. I cried. And that's fine.

[@link_i_guess9442]

This phrase really fucked me up when I was younger, my parents said I should never cry unless someone had died. So I wouldn't allow myself to cry no matter what for about 8 years, and this, among other things, lead to my mental health fall into an absolute dumpster fire. I've only recently realized that that phase is a load of bullshit and have now stopped trying to stop myself and letting myself feel sadness and cry.

[@SussySerbo]

I was raised in kinda the same way in that whenever I cried I was seen to show weakness. I've only in the last few years realized that the only one to decide what constitutes weaness is myself, and I don't count tears as weakness.

[@99jdave99]

this shit hit impacted me a lot as well (even if it wasn't directly because of this phrase; more so the cultural surroundings of "male cryage"). I literally bragged to other kids after the funeral of my grandma I had lived with the last year of her life that I hadn't cried at all during her funeral, because I took it as some sort of personal challenge not to due to this kinda thing. I was only 11 or 12.

[@technopoptart]

110%

[@aname4931]

I grew up with something similar. I hope you're feeling better now, that sounds really difficult.

[@justhavingsomefun9539]

I get you man. It forced me to turn to self hurt when i feel extreme sadness, usually by being violent against a concrete wall. I'm extremely fortunate to have met my fiance who understood me. Eventually we both got past our own weaknesses and gained mental health. I wish you the same fortune.

[@daviddenis4178]

As a person with Autism, I rarely, if ever, am capable of crying. Being able to cry is a gift, trust me. Don't take it for granted.

[@stephaniet1389]

I have an emotional delay, alexithymia is the technical term I think. People have called me cold and heartless when I don't cry at the same time as everyone else, but they never see the crying mess I become after a few hours of sorting out my thoughts and feelings. The weird thing is I'm very quick to cry at beautiful art, music, stories and nature photos. The catharsis after one of those cry sessions is something else.

[@SolurVoludun]

Autist here too, for me it’s the opposite, I’m very emotional and I feel extremely pathetic. I’ve been crying way more often after realizing autism is a curse and genocide-worthy, seeing how much fun all the neurotypicals around me are having without making others uncomfortable, triumphing in socializing and talking to girls… it makes me feel fucking pathetic and worthless, and the fact that I cry about it makes it even worse

[@daviddenis4178]

@@SolurVoludun Autism is a strength and part of what makes you beautiful. I hope you come to realize that someday. No one is genocide-worthy. Being less comfortable in certain situations does not make you worthless or pathetic. It just makes you different from others. We all have the same human problems and are dealing with them in our own ways. Anyway, I hope you get the help you need and stop buying into whatever bullshit the internet is selling you.

[@AzzyKo420]

Honestly same I cry maybe 2-3 times a year if even that sometimes I really just want to cry

[@tnt_rebel2796]

@@SolurVoludunno one deserves to not be loved I love you man and just know I’m thinking of you

[@camicuti97]

Honestly saying "Are you crying?" in a mocking manner is such an asshole thing to do and idk why this trope is still a thing in shows + movies -- most people would probably ask "Are you okay?" SMH

[@TalkingVidya]

HELL YEAH, POP CULTURE DETECTIVE IS BACK

[@Mar-pe9kx]

I always look forward to seeing a pop culture detective video show up in my recommended :)

[@Randomdudefromtheinternet]

Madre mía Willy, qué hace aquí compañero?

[@zephyrwayfarer]

mood.

[@aviendha1154]

Yaaaaas!!!! Party all the time. Looks at title nevermind have a cry on me y'all!

[@sebastianjaja7896]

Hola wapo, no esperaba verte por acá

[@foxeshi2293]

My Father died two weeks ago. I thought my boyfriend would only be slightly sad/show emotional support for me (which is great as well), but he was crying like a baby along with me, which made me so happy. He’s only known my father for a year, and yet he understood my pain so much. I’m so glad to have a boyfriend so emotional and kind as him, he’s a big support.

[@oof-rr5nf]

I am sorry for your loss

[@teehlfx5238]

Glad you have a supportive partner ❤️ Just want to reiterate I’m sorry for your loss.

[@kellharris2491]

So sorry..

[@atosm8300]

Sorry for your loss

[@johgu92]

Im sorry for your loss, I went through the same thing 5 years ago, when my dad died suddenly.

[@artmoryoo]

I wonder if the whole "boys don't cry" thing is also responsible for the reason why most strong women in media don't cry. Many movies have included the roles of strong, competent women (girlbosses, if you will lol) and one thing that many of those roles have in common is that they are stripped of all traditionally feminine traits. Rather than showing that a woman can be both strong and feminine, she primarily, or exclusively, displays masculine traits (personality wise of course, they still have to keep her looking sexy). This includes the strong woman not crying unless those same windows of opportunity for men occur.

[@Trinidadianlove]

The English is a great example of a show that does this well (the strong woman part)

[@artmoryoo]

@@Trinidadianlove I'll check it out :o

[@ayamurayama3961]

Well simply because societally it's looked masculine even before Women fought for their rights. Polls show and many (not every) woman love social careers or jobs and tend to not think of careers like business and ect where you do see these dominant societal masculine traits.

[@artmoryoo]

@@ayamurayama3961 i think i understand what you're saying but I can't say I totally agree nor that it relates to my original comment lol

[@NerdySwede]

I also think we need to normalize the idea that tears are NOT just for being sad. It's your body's reaction when feeling too strong and need to release it. It can be triggered by ANY strong emotion: happiness, sadness, anger, frustation, anxiety - like literally anything. It's just a bodily function (unique to humans though which of course is interesting) and we should try and treat it more that way I think.

[@toomuchinformation]

Very good point. Neutralising tears as a release.

[@NerdySwede]

same

[@MissPoplarLeaf]

@Personal Jesus thank you, Jesus.

[@liviwaslost]

I cry from stress

[@lunab541]

I cried after I got my wisdom teeth removed and wasn't because of pain or fear, it was just release from the tension of holding still for an hour during a very forceful procedure.

[@vsh1998]

I'm glad to see this stupid assumption changing. It's always been awful. Once my guy friend cried because he was hurt and he kept apologizing for not being manly, and coming off as "girly". Can't imagine how much they were bullied for tears to get to that stage.

[@pleaseenteraname8211]

I struggle to cry no matter how bad I may feel. I’m always taken aback by women’s ability to shed stress through tears be it an important exam or a falling out with a friend. And that’s all it really is, a healthy grounding tool, a physiological response to pain. But as a man it feels so monumental. I’ve shed tears only when people or animals in my life have died. I’ve never properly faced other stressful experiences in my life which I fear may have manifested into trauma. That’s the effect of toxic masculinity really.

[@birdeynamnam]

@@pleaseenteraname8211 part of the ability to cry is from practice, but a lot of it is hormones too. I have times in my cycle where anything can make me cry, and other periods where I really feel the need to, but it’s physically impossible.

[@Design____ByS]

@@pleaseenteraname8211 it's also hard to show vulnerabilty in a place that is not safe. If I say that something is making me angry, or causing pain, or I have to cry... the last thing I want is for people to shame me for that. It's easy to say 'men should not be ashamed to cry' when, if you are crying, it means you feel vulnerable, and if people is gonna add shame to that obviously you're gonna hold back...

[@dwnkaomwn3953]

Yeah, it never should've been made to start with.

[@NameNik223]

I remember how in high school I was bullied by my classmate (a girl, by the way) and one day I came home and had a mental breakdown in front of my mother, and I kept apologizing for tears when I was explaining what was going on. It took me a few more years to realize that it's ok and even healthy for guys to cry and this revelation was like taking off a heavy backpack that I was carrying for years

[@Ffinha]

I just recently watched Avangers End Game and got really angry at how everybody tormented Thor for clearly been on a depression crises.

[@k.-flynn]

A lone god who goes back in time to see his dead mother, can't handle the pressure of the mission and breaks down, while a fuckin talking raccoon gets annoyed by it.

[@lightgivener]

I am not sure if it was Hemsworth' performance, hints in the script, or my approach but I never saw it as a sign of Thors weakness but rather the other characters inability to deal with it. And the scene with his mother which allowed him to be cared for and find new ways for him of dealing was lovely. I know it was comedic but that to me didn't mean his feelings weren't presented as valid.

[@obiwankenobi2083]

that is the sad thing about society...it is easy for people to critize other people for their situation. Like he/she is bulied, because is different. He/she is pour, because does not work. He/she is in that situation, because is what they deserve. People are not emphatically anymore, because they do not care about others and do not talk. Look in the pubblic transport, where you living, taking the bus, train everyday and never talked with the passenger in there, even you see the everyday...we live in a society where you can not trust, care and so talk with others...and instead do it with a keyboard and machine in the so called internet....

[@FEMBT-yb8rh]

*If you see it then good for you. Someone said, "People live lives of quiet desperation."* *Thor showed one side, his criticizers showed another.*

[@ekki1993]

@@obiwankenobi2083 What do you mean "anymore"? These kind of problems only get worse if you look at the previous couple of generations. Disconnection from your community is a different problem altogether. Men in close-knit communities crying in public were ostracized back in the 20th century harder than men crying openly in an apartment block in the 2020's. There's no "ideal" society to go back to, we need to fix this by doing things differently.

[@walkinawesomeness]

LISTEN, I clicked because the title was interesting, not because I wanted a deep reflection into my own relationship with crying and anger as a man. Very good video. Instant subscription.

[@Crystal2193]

I can't help but think about how men are so much more likely to die when they attempt suicide. Not only do we live in a world that rejects the vulnerability and pain that all men feel, but through that lens, to attempt suicide and not succeed would be the ultimate failure, a declaration of pain to the world while simultaneously showing you were too weak to handle it and also not brave enough to go all the way. In this toxic world, a life post-attempt would be even worse than before, so men have to be sure it is final. It is a huge tragedy.

[@ma_de_sa5848]

Totally agree. Opening up is such a powerful thing and sometimes that's all someone needs to bounce back.

[@ExeErdna]

That's why it's normally very destructive and comes out of nowhere. They'll be normal for days, months, years and then gone. They very ones that claim people need to be such will mock them for attempting to be vulnerable like they asked.

[@killer933]

Tbh got it easy, did it at a relatively young age and failed it, when that happened everything came down for me and I couldn't bring myself to repair my mask again, making everyday in that year a torture for not knowing what to do and how to hide again like I did before even if I became more open with this only for the people I loved, sometimes I want to make that mask that I practiced for almost all my school years again and put it on like nothing ever happened

[@Ahoyyy_apri]

Another reason for their higher “success” rate is because men tend to choose more violent means (like guns, for example) while women tend to choose less violent ones (like overdose)

[@rhatmakesvideos]

It’s so telling how starved of emotional release most guys are, whenever I tell my friends in my hyper macho field of work “go ahead and cry, it’s okay” or “don’t worry, you can have a little cry” they absolutely break down. The way I’ve seen guys lack emotional vulnerability to such toxic degrees scares me. No human should ever force themselves to be like this

[@gabriellockhart]

As a man who has never actually cried, I don't see crying as a release or being vulnerable as much as i see it as wasteful and pointless, when the energy is better served doing something else. Anger, Sadness etc are useless they don't solve problems, They often become problems for someone else to deal with.

[@stealthiestboy]

@@gabriellockhart that's honestly really sad.

[@mpGreen03]

@@gabriellockhart I honestly think that if you went to a therapist they could explain it better to you why it is important to connect with all of your emotions. Looking at such things as waste of time is same as considering sleep and exercise as also waste of time - but you know it is necessary to be healthy. Same goes for psychological health.

[@dominicgunderson]

@ Crying is an expression of human identity--not a personality trait. The sooner you rid yourself of such internalized misogyny, the better off we'll all be for it.

[@Leader7353]

@ I didn’t know you were a robot

[@UnfilteredMay]

in the beginning i was thinking, well isn't crying in movies quite common? but damn, you're right, those situations are so extreme and the more common instances are rather mocked and played for laughs.

[@owayasomething9295]

Yes! I had to pause for a moment to remember recent situations where I’ve personally cried, just to compare. As a woman I’ve cried a lot in front of my friends and family, in situations where I felt overwhelmed, or because I was really sad without knowing why I was sad. It’s interesting though that I don’t cry in front of male figures in my life if I can help it.

[@Nelsathis]

@@owayasomething9295 ''It’s interesting though that I don’t cry in front of male figures in my life if I can help it.'' If i may ask, why do you think that is?

[@midnight9178]

When I was 17 my grandpa passed away after a long battle with cancer, my entire family was sobbing at the funeral but I held it all in, not letting myself look weak in front of them. Not shedding a tear for one of the greatest men I’ve ever known is still one of my biggest regrets.

[@Zaker007]

Even if you didn't allow the tears to come out, I personally think that it doesn't mean that you haven't felt anything or that your grandpa wasn't important at all; We grow in a society that "doesn't allow" us to cry, so we, as the video explains, try to hide it, deny it or transform it to something else. Don't punish yourself for "not crying" I'm sure you had your personal mourning and somehow gone through your emotions; I'm sure he's happy that you loved (and still does) him that much. Allow yourself to cry, feel and be emotive, It will never make you "less man" I hope this helps somehow, all the best to you :)

[@Chris-mc2dt]

My favorite “something in my eyes” was from The Amazing World Of Gumball “Have you been crying?” “No! I just have really sweaty eyes. Wait, that's disgusting. Yeah, I was crying.”

[@summoninganubis7508]

Which episode is this from ?

[@Chris-mc2dt]

@@summoninganubis7508 The Shell (season 3 episode 20)

[@summoninganubis7508]

@@Chris-mc2dt thank you 🌼💛

[@squees7215]

Damn, the bit where you spoke about acts of violence as a response to crying in film as the norm in cinema hit me hard. I'd never considered that before, but actually overwhelming how often that happens. Great video.

[@lightgivener]

I am afraid to say that I as a female at time do the same thing. If emotions are deemed inconvenient they transform into other unhealthy out ways.

[@grimloncz3853]

Most movies depict crying men as "weak and useless", while angry men are "stong and capable". By that logic it's preferable to cause more pain then to face it. Makes you think.

[@toomuchinformation]

It's survival brain.

[@tankermottind]

Think about this too: in patriarchy and especially patriarchal media, if a man *must* cry, he can make up for some of the shame by mixing anger and brutality into his sorrow. If you cry while declaring your intention to torture and kill the person you blame for whatever is making you cry (or better yet, actually do those things while crying), this somehow makes it better! The "murdercry" in mass media deserves an analysis of its own.

[@0Luxis0]

WAR. Justifications to war.

[@GoddoDoggo]

@@tankermottind I vote that we exclude John Wick from this analysis though, because anyone who kills a puppy deserves no less than death, whether you are masculine or feminine, we can all agree.

[@megashark1013]

Berserk handles this pretty brilliantly by criticising the main character for using reckless vengeance as a way to handle his emotional trauma. "Hatred is the place where a man who can't stand sadness goes."

[@cyncynshop]

As a woman I hate my tears. People just trializes my problems as "Typical women" if I cry.

[@jospinner1183]

Yep. Pretty much any expression of emotion gets me labeled as an "emotional woman," and suddenly no one takes me seriously.

[@RamzaBeoulves]

Thank you for bringing that up I hadn't thought about that nearly as much

[@Trinidadianlove]

While I agree, this video is about men. Maybe we should respect their conversations if we'd like them to listen to us

[@rinowx5]

The people that look down on crying/emotional expression are immature people, regardless of their gender.

[@strionic770]

Problems that affect men or women have an inverse problem on the other side of the coin. Men shouldn't be expected to cry? Women should be expected to cry. Men need to be aggressive and dominant? Women need to be fearful and submissive. Men should be unhappy at work? Women should be unhappy in the kitchen. And many more, but as you've probably picked up, most relate to the expectations placed upon a person depending on their gender. The problems affect both sexes. The only real way to counteract many of the rules is to break them as a society. Sadly, this likely won't happen because the most socially successful men and women abide by them. It's important to note that the status quo serves solely those at the top of the hierarchy, and we all should be against that.

[@yesreneau]

This video is doing a great service to society.

[@ivanriskin1167]

We care, and that's something, that's actually a lot

[@dankenstin8803]

Agree

[@kyrohowe3156]

Recommend to everyone 👍

[@adityapathak5761]

Cried a lot as a kid because I was bullied, ended up getting bullied more due to that. Family too blamed me being quick to tears as a reason for me getting bullied, the only recourses left to me being: "don't respond", "toughen up" or "give it back to them". Negative feedback loop which destroyed my emotionally. Puberty meant I had a sudden growth spurt and was one of the bigger guys. Unaddressed emotional trauma and a destructive vengeance resulted in me becoming a bully myself. A stern talking to from a kid's dad meant I dropped that, but the bottled up emotions had already taken their toll. Many years have passed since, and I am still unable to cry. Even when I want to, there's nothing. Have purged myself of many toxic masculine ideas, but I guess I am not lucky enough to be able to cry again. If I ever have kids who are boys, I will NEVER berate them for crying, ever.

[@Crystal2193]

It is painfully incredible how many men out there cannot cry anymore, even when they are sad, even if they now want to. It is a tragedy. But I want to share with you specifically that it is not too late for you. It is normal for one's body to physiologically hold on to the shame and fear of crying long after one has mentally accepted it is okay. If you have the time and means, there are many modes of therapy that can help release the old pain, and I would gently encourage you to explore that if you can. Thank you for sharing your story.

[@Username456-b4p]

I'm very sorry that happened to you. It was the same for me (got bullied and told the same things from my parents) and i only learned how to cry when I moved out *and* got so depressed I couldn't hold it in anymore. But I'm still ashamed to cry in front of anyone I know with the exception of 2 people. The only reason I can cry in front of anyone is probably that I got therapy and they gently encourage you to cry and teach you how to accept your emotions. That's something that helped me a lot. I also wonder if I'll ever cry again without being ashamed of it

[@Username456-b4p]

Also more importantly, thank you for being the one to end this spiral and raising your (future) kids differently.

[@oldbabyseasoning]

You inspire me.

[@ohioplayer-bl9em]

Ya . It's called life. It's hard. Don't have kids you sound a bit sociopathic

[@otrachicadeyoutube6853]

*Little girls cry for important reasons too.* I can't stress this enough.

[@24rival13]

Like

[@sirdandl283]

@@24rival13 would say the same as boys

[@24rival13]

@@sirdandl283 Yeah

[@radioactivedetective6876]

Oh hell yah! To both observations - that little girls cry for very serious reasons. And that little boys cry too for very serious reasons. In case of both, media completely downplays the gravity by turning both into a joke or an insult.

[@evankuhlmey8380]

Well its fucking great then, that we live in a society that actually responds to girls crying rather than boys. I bet you're one of those people that bitches about MRA's interrupting convos about women's issues, and then comes here to take a diahhrea shit on anything that doesn't center around you.

[@chockontecohs]

who else got the "stop crying or ill give you something to cry about" treatment as if you started crying for no reason every single time lol amazing video, thank you for bringing awareness! normalize having emotions like a human being

[@killer933]

Parents mostly but yeah, got it a lot

[@leomcdonnell2553]

“I was never angry with you. I was sad, because I was afraid you lost your way.” Im a wreck, Every. Single. Time. God damn that shows so good

[@spencervance8484]

Uncle iroh. I always loved his character

[@Solipsisticdaydreams]

He’s like a superhuman but specifically with compassion.

[@spencervance8484]

@@Solipsisticdaydreams we have seen him get upset before.

[@thecodewarrior7925]

@@spencervance8484 those aren’t mutually exclusive.

[@Ajikankid]

I almost made it through the video without uncontrollably crying right up until Uncle Iroh showed up. Killed me instantly.

[@scottyb8392]

What's so sad about the character of John Wick is how close he was to being able to grieve healthily. Helen knows he's not going to cope well all alone, she gives him not only a companion, but someone new to take care of, because that's what he needs: to love and be loved. He was *so close* to enjoying the rest of his life, living for himself, for the memory of Helen and the love of his dog...

[@ExeErdna]

That's why personally it should have been only 1 John Wick since the story ended with the first one.

[@scottyb8392]

@@ExeErdna The REVENGE plot ends in movie 1, but *his* story hasn't even started. I'd watch ten more JW movies if they can keep up the dedication they've put into the first three.

[@captainjakemerica4579]

Well Chapter 4 is a solid end and he sure did honor Helen greatly and definitely fought for her honor greatly and the way it ended was great for John Wick

[@aleandra3945]

this phrase always annoyed me, my little brother was crying once and my mom was like "don’t, boys don’t cry" and i looked at him and said "yes, they do. it’s ok" and my mom WAS FURIOUS

[@Ru136]

Good for you, keep up the good work 😊 Your brother will thank you for that support and validation

[@silent-hills]

Hey, that’s great! I’m sure he will be able to express his feelings better if you encourage him to! : )

[@BonaparteBardithion]

@@TheRealNabil It's reasonable to expect an adult, male or female, to refrain from openly sobbing and temper tantrums at the slightest stress. But there's no reason that men and women shouldn't cry equal amounts about the same things. Crying isn't one of the things that defines my femininity nor should it detract from masculinity.

[@IndikativPraesens]

@@TheRealNabil honest question, did you actually watch the video and understand it? Everything you just said goes against the entire point of the video. I think you missed quite a few points made here.

[@seranathenecromancer3470]

@@TheRealNabil If your idea of manhood is so fucking fragile it can be invalidated by crying, it wasn’t good to begin with.

[@abiade9614]

It’s crazy because it wasn’t until recently I realised getting angry to the point of agression is ALSO being emotional. When you think of “emotional” you imagine someone crying/grieving in hysteria even maybe. But that’s literally not the only time someone’s emotional. Angry to the point of fighting and punching is emotional; happy to the point of dancing and laughing is emotional; sad to the point of tears is also emotional. This toxic display of vulnerability has been so ingrained into my head I couldn’t even acknowledge things as they are anymore. It’s upsetting to realise the negative effect society has on me. And why? How did it all start? I have no idea.

[@annnee6818]

I'm a therapist and women too apologise when they cry and say "it's weak" and I say "it's just a release of tension, it doesn't bother me at all, don't feel bad about it, you're not weak". Sometimes they believe me😔

[@QUARTERMASTEREMI6]

That comment reminds me of the Fergie song “Big Girls Don’t Cry”, and it's true, as I’m easily guilty of doing that as well. Unfortunately, even us “big girls” tell ourselves that… 😔

[@annnee6818]

@@QUARTERMASTEREMI6 Yes, we do. I used to as well. But not anymore. If doesn't pay rent, out it comes. And luckily I'm at the sort of age where no one dares mock you anymore. Or maybe I throw good side eye. No idea.

[@SP-rk9ht]

Same goes for domestic abuse. People say men find it hard to admit they are abused by women because it is embarrassing, as if women who get abused by men do not feel embarrassed, ashamed, and uncomfortable to admit they are being victimised.

[@annnee6818]

@@SP-rk9ht Yes, that's true, these toxic "mayun" ideas harm both genders, just in different ways. We need to work at progressing as a society. But economic crises always tend to make people flee to tradition as if it's a cozy place, back in "ye olde days" when everything was supposedly better. Crises make us regress, and there's plenty to go around rn.

[@EvilSapphireR]

@@SP-rk9ht Uh, men who are victims of DV do find it much harder than women to come forward as they face far more ridicule, a serious lack of social support AND government assistance compare to women victims. Every single abuse victim deserves support, but frankly I find it appalling you would dismiss such a well researched and very inconspicuous social issue just because it disadvantages men more than women.

[@hannahj8990]

I’d never thought about there being a “crying window” and how narrow it is for men. This video illustrates that really well. It’s so clearly outlined in media that you don’t even think about it. It just makes me mad about the pervasiveness of toxic masculinity all over again

[@djudlz7550]

It's us women too that makes men feel like that they aren't allowed to cry. Toxic femininity is real girl.

[@transfemme5749]

@@djudlz7550 I think toxic femininity is more about terfs and how they use their femininity to attack transwomen. Toxic femininity is essentially white feminism and contrary to intersectional feminism.

[@nm9688]

@@djudlz7550 women berate men for crying because EVERYONE does it. Nothing to do with femininity but it's toxic behaviour nonetheless

[@djudlz7550]

@@transfemme5749 All I wanted to say is, that it's not only always mens fault that men are suffering. It's always the same: Men suffer, men are the fault. Women suffer men are the fault. There is toxic masculinity as there is toxic femininity. For example mothers telling their sons that boys don't cry IS toxic. We can't always only blame men and need to "men up" ourselves and stand to our actions.

[@Guimhj]

​@@djudlz7550 Yes, women replicate sexism and misoginy (crying is seem as a "feminine thing'). Guess what, we live in a sexist misoginistic society.

[@JJBeauregard1]

"Enough to make a grown man cry" is also a saying that implies that something extraordinary has to happen before "a man" cries or "is allowed" to cry.

[@chillyfart8282]

Love how you talk about men like this without putting down women. Love it so mucch

[@Vesperitis]

I had a friend call me to a bar because he was in a really bad place and he needed someone to talk to, and he broke down while we sat there. I held him for about half an hour as he cried. People were pretty decent about it, trying not to stare but also not getting visibly irritated.

[@sseppel]

@@valletas He said people didn't get irritated. Why would they?

[@valletas]

@@sseppel oh i missread the comment

[@birdeynamnam]

Must feel good to be able to be there for your friend, and be trusted enough for them to call you 😊

[@canaidavis8573]

@@sseppel I guess they’re tryna get drunk and have a good time, which sucks but understandable

[@mississipi1103]

That's so cool how people reacted to it. I am wondering how culture impacts how we express emotion, maybe in my country people would have been more nosy and would have stared or worse, made sarcastic jokes which doesn't really works in Breakdown

[@akrinornoname2769]

The "Boys don't cry" thing has seriously fucked with me in the past when dealing with my mental health. I remember one time when I had an argument with my parents while my uni classes were falling apart. I cried after the phone call, and immediately felt like shit for it. So, men, boys, and anyone else who needs it: you hereby have my official permission to cry because of every thing, be it stubbing a toe, depression, burning dinner or seeing a really small and cute bunny. There is no shame in it, and being able to show emotion is a sign of strength.

[@spaghetto9836]

You just made my day, sir. Thank you.

[@hannagille7418]

“The emotional labor of carrying men’s pain typically lies on the women in their lives, and more often than not, that support only goes one way.” Damn

[@PoisonTheOgres]

@Dawid XCX uhhm, have you ever heard of therapists?

[@Majjoo06]

@Dawid XCX well aren’t you a baby man

[@Hjernespreng]

@Dawid XCX i'd explain to you how emotional processes work in healthy people, but you seem to have enough insecurity and aggression already to the point that you really need to see a therapist to work it out. It's bizarre how clearly terrified you are of the idea of men having normal emotions and psychological processes.

[@alicedeligny9240]

@Dawid XCX I'm sorry but "labor" doesn't imply you're getting payed. In the case of the women performing what is called "emotional labor", it means they are the one managing the emotions of the men in their lives - they deal with their anger, sadness and else and actively help them get better. They also at the same time have to remain themselves polished and unphased to be efficient at it. That's why the complaint made about it in the case of women is that they have to take care of the emotions of the men in their lives, while neglecting their own.

[@alicedeligny9240]

@Dawid XCX But emotional labor does come up in jobs too - in many jobs people are essentially payed to take care of other people's emotional needs. Saying it exist does not means it is condoned - it just is naive to think that neoliberal ghouls( as you said) haven't already thought, for a long time now, about commodifying this kind of labor.

[@celinakay4367]

It's seems like no one can win when they cry. When men do it they're "babies" or "unmanly". When women cry theyre "just being emotional" and aren't taken seriously. Crying is a perfectly natural response to things and a stress reliever. I never understood where this "we shouldn't cry" nonsense came from.

[@c00m_goblino6]

Honestly so glad for shows like avatar the last airbender, as like a young boy you kind of need role models like uncle iroh that teach the importance of empathy and compassion. Especially now when even showing the smallest signs of either of those opens you up to at best indifference and at worst ridicule, disgust and alienation. Being considered a man in modern society more often than not entails giving up the parts of yourself that make you human

[@birgitteandersen5886]

I also love how each character has a chance to feel emotion all kinds of emotion. Katana and Toph’s anger and sadness are taken seriously. Iroh and Zuko’s connection was powerful and always makes me cry.

[@zmaj12321]

@@birgitteandersen5886 ...i think you mean katara. A katana is a sword

[@birgitteandersen5886]

@@zmaj12321 dang autocorrect

[@katara2021]

Haikyuu is pretty good too in that regard.

[@teehlfx5238]

Steven Universe is another great example. There’s a couple of videos on this channel about it.

[@LifesNeverHumDrum]

I can't help but notice a connection between "boys don't cry" and "boys will be boys." Tears are okay if they can be channeled into action...anger...aggression...violence.

[@superdark336]

please excuse his violence, he had to reassert himself as a man, you know how it is.

[@John.McMillan]

I always see so much "ooga booga man violent" but have literally never once in all my years seen a man who has grown up to think that. Only women say that. There is a difference between not showing emotion and intentionally being as much of an asshole as possible. Both men and women do it.

[@waffletime1103]

@@John.McMillan i think you misunderstood the first comment, they arent saying men are naturally violent. they are saying their emotions are EXPECTED and EXCUSED **IF** it takes the form of aggression and violence

[@botanicalitus4194]

@@John.McMillan You, being a man, are not the target of male violence as a result of your gender . Women get harassed, attacked, and even kiIIed by men, and so we are more familiar with it. And when we report or complain, we are blamed for "provoking" the them, because lord knows men cant control themselves according to these people. SometimesYou need to shutup and listen to women instead of talking over us. Because I cant keep track of how often I witness or experience male violence and then told it was my (or the victim's) fault it happened. "Why did you go out looking like that? why did you trust him? why didnt you just leave? why didnt you report him to the police even though the police never help and you had no evidence?". There isnt a single woman I know who hasnt been abused by a man in her life, and each one of them was blamed for it happening.

[@chad_bro_chill]

Be it nature or nurture (probably both), there's an evolutionary reason why this might be the case. Since males are the ones that do the primary fighting in our species, a man that can't direct his depression towards action is less useful to the tribe (for defense) than one that can. Obviously action and aggression are closely linked, if, say, you just discovered the body of one of your siblings and need to prime your anger pumps in order to defend your other siblings. The line between crying depressively and being a pile of useless (at that moment) tears is different than for useful/not useful angry crying. Angry-crying is "predictably unpredictable," which has its place in (especially survival) settings.

[@namratarandhawa1227]

Cinema is the mirror of our society. It helps in normalizing so much. The more it shows vulnerable men, it helps men be vulnerable in real life as well. Emotional constipation in men is also by product of such stereotypes. All they are allowed to feel is angry and masculine. Anything other than that is unacceptable. which not only hurts men but also people around them.

[@massetozacarias5693]

or it could be an exaggerated mirror

[@namratarandhawa1227]

@@massetozacarias5693 Some aspects, yes but when it comes sensitive topics cinema undoubtedly under represents struggles.

[@teehlfx5238]

Well said.

[@sulaymansyed6345]

When he cut to Zuko, I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried.

[@augustaseptemberova5664]

The movie question "Are you crying?" seems like an accusation. I at least have never seen a crying person and asked them that, neither have I ever been asked that question. The typical rl reaction is a hug or a suggestion to open about the (reason for) the tears, and if it's frustration or sadness, a question what kind of comforting or support the sad person would like, or words of empathy and encouragement. In that sense, asking that untypical question "Are you crying?" also emphasizes, or rather falsely suggests, that crying is not "normal" in that situation.

[@slimysomething]

When I cried in front of someone else I literally did get asked "Are you crying?"

[@anotherperson2627]

Agreed "are you crying?" Is always said with the same tone as a parent saying "Did you do that" when trying to get a kid to admit to doing something bad

[@lou-cidmire3065]

I say this when I cannot actually tell if someone is crying/laughing/whatever -- I just have trouble reading emotional cues but I've never meant it in an accusatory way?

[@augustaseptemberova5664]

@@lou-cidmire3065 I have autism, so I'm in a similar situation. But I never ask "Are you crying?", because the answer, whether yes or no, wouldn't help me, because then I still wouldn't know how/what the person is feeling and why. So typically I ask "How are you feeling right now?" or "What's on your mind?", when I notice that someone is acting somehow differently than usual. Also, in movies the question "Are you crying?" is often paired with disbelief, and the crying person reacts defensively, often denying / trying to hide the tears - as if they had been accused and as if those tears were unjustified. So from my perspective, that question in movies comes across as an accusation, as calling someone out on their display of emotion.

[@neonoir__]

Or just "Hey, are you crying?" asked in a compassionate tone instead of an accusitory one

[@SoniaMadiesh]

Like other comments have said before me, this affects women too. Emotions are seen as a vulnerability. In order to be taken seriously, we must hide them. Even in health care, where empathy can be so beneficial to the patient, it is frown upon.

[@sonorasgirl]

There was a recent episode of “sawbones” (the wife in that podcast is a doctor) where she talks about this - how it’s frowned on to admit vulnerability or cry or see a therapist in healthcare. The sawbones episode is titled “physician burnout” and as a mental health therapist with docs in my family, it was eye opening and concerning

[@SoniaMadiesh]

@@sonorasgirl that sounds interesting, do you remember which episode?

[@dumdumm3299]

being a healthcare worker and not being able to cry is really tough. we’re not even supposed to cry with joy! i saw a newborn baby, and it just made me want to cry because they were so tiny and cute and sweet, and the test we ran found that they were healthy, after such a long period of worry that had started weeks before they were born... but i couldn’t. i had to leave the room and head to the bathroom. so frustrating.

[@mrtuwnbr]

Yes, I feel really bad about myself when I cry for something “dump” like the stress from college or feeling that I’m not smart enough because I feel I’m being week and immature. Is so sad feeling so bad for normal emotions

[@teehlfx5238]

This an excellent point that still boils down to sexism and patriarchy in the workplace - to be seen as ‘professional’ you must display stereotypical male traits or else risk being seen/treated as unworthy of being there - absolutely unhealthy and toxic behavior- that is a reality. It is so sad, as you said, that is is so pervasive in a profession that really needs empathy to be done successfully and effectively. I know a family friend that as a female journalist in the 70s yelled at a female coworker for crying in the workplace. I can’t remember the exact wording but she wasn’t very nice about it. The internalization and sexism was so strong that seeing her female coworker displaying emotion she felt would reflect on her legitimacy of being there and she needed to stomp it out. She also was probably not totally unwarranted that she would be linked to the actions of her coworker because of sexism and their shared gender. As you said, this still exists today in various forms and the pressure is probably greater is those professions that have been gatekept by males.

[@PeacefulJuggernaught]

I didn’t expect this to teach me SO MUCH about my own deeply engrained concepts of masculinity. I consider myself to be pretty sensitive and open and yet I recognize the impulse to channel aggression as opposed to feeling the depth of grief. Even happy tears get choked back, even in private. I thought this was just a video about men and tears, but this is pretty foundational to our entire western concept of masculinity. I’m astonished.

[@houseofhas9355]

yeah. Its good analysis. I agree.

[@YuniX2]

This is why, if you have sons, it is so important to replace the words "don't cry" with "you can cry." Boys need to hear men telling them that feelings are okay, or they grow up to have exactly these issues.

[@SaturnSenshi3105]

It’s the overall idea of masculinity. But, unfortunately, it is all emotions when it comes to the East.

[@rustyshackleford735]

I'm far more open than I used to be, but I still couldn't cry when my mother died until I was speaking at her funeral, I couldn't even cry next to her body at the hospital. I feel like american society has done a great disservice to men with these outdated aristotelian notions of manhood.

[@baconboi4482]

You cry when you’re happy?

[@austinhernandez2716]

This stereotype is what made me keep quiet about my mental illness for years. It lead me to chronic depression, failing college, and nearly ending it all, permanently. What stopped it was my family, thinking of people like my little sister and grandma.

[@captainjakemerica4579]

I can see where your coming from I feel for me it was more older generations stereotypes on therapy so glad I no longer believe the bullshit that was said

[@rainpooper7088]

Can we just mention that this is a thing in children’s media as well? Sonic the Hedgehog is a particularly egregious example where not only is there an official mandate about the main character not being allowed to get „overly emotional“, but in one of the comics, they literally censored an adult Sonic sobbing in Tails’ arms into him looking mildly annoyed while shedding a single tear. And it’s not like he was bawling over stubbing his toe, the situation was about his wife and children. Funny thing is that this mandate has been pretty much universally panned by the fandom and in the recent live action movie, Sonic being more emotionally vulnerable rather than just cocky and in control the whole time like in recent games was actually listed by many people as one of the reasons why they enjoyed it.

[@Lu4455]

Good points, but…Sonic has a wife and children??

[@NiGHTSIntoMemes]

@@Lu4455 The Ken Penders era was a really weird time, alright?

[@rainpooper7088]

@@Lu4455 It was one of several alternate non-canon futures that take place 25 years after the main story. The scene mentioned above was from was take two on the Light Mobius arc where Sonic had married Sally Acorn and had two kids with her, but then Shadow went crazy and took over the world. That one is the good future by the way. In the bad one, Knuckles goes crazy and takes over the world and steals everyone‘s souls in the process. I second Trinity‘s statement btw.

[@1080TJ]

It's crazy how many movies ask us to laugh at the idea of a man crying while watching a movie. A screenwriter has to write these jokes. A director has to film them. You'd think that people who love movies enough to make them for a living would be more understanding of somebody having a deeply emotional reaction to one.

[@fossilfighters101]

+

[@cg_edits]

I wish I could pin this comment

[@aleka..]

@@cg_edits yup! great observation

[@Sheridan2LT]

Movies and TV definitely is unreasonably harsh to men crying.

[@sort6726]

What kind of movie are you watching? Almost Every time I watched a dude cry it's supposed to be an emotional moment where they all became vulnerable to their emotions and making it one of the best scenes of the movie I'm watching

[@mariealexandrinne6997]

Your analysis is chilling when you realize just how much harm it causes in real life. How many women are killed by men who can't handle a breakup? Not saying there aren't many more reasons to these acts, but letting/teaching men that being vulnerable, sad, heartbroken is OK without turning to violence to exteriorize should be the first step, I think.

[@basilg695]

Well said

[@Hekateras]

The line about grief being replaced with anger really shook me, yeah. When you consider how many things a person can grieve, that don't directly involve death... you can grieve a part of your life you're leaving behind, you can grieve the life you thought you were supposed to have, etc.

[@nodishtoodeep3053]

I’ve learned never to share your emotions in a relationship, EVERY SINGLE TIME that you do they’ll start to distance themselves from you or turn it against you. Never open up like that to anyone, that is your core, that is what builds you and drives you. If they reject you and see you less as a person on that, good riddance.

[@laurenbi]

Yeah, honestly. Men need as much healing as women do. Feminism has gone too far with dismissing and hating men. They are people, too. People who have been damaged.

[@JonathanMandrake]

Well, on the other hand, I feel like nowadays it is even more so that the only emotion men may convey is happiness, or should it be deserved, anger, and of both only a little. Society doesn't really care that much about men, but the heavy social presuure is on women. Men seem need to take care of themselves, get a job and so on or they are a deadbeat, while women have to conform to what other women think is right, marriage, children and so on. I don't think it's easier for one than the other, but it seems to me that most times men are attacked and women are the ones being put on a pedestal. It's just extremely one-sided. There is this war against the tyrannical patriarchy, but the people are left behind. It is okay to express your feelings, and it is okay to delay it a bit to when you are comfortable doing it or have the time to really feel all the emotions. But to find people supporting you doing that can be even harder. There are just to many men who try being emotional and are laughed at, ridiculed, humiliated, lectured, broken up with and so on just because they tried it, and now the chamces that they will try it again are much lower. But hey, somehow it is more popular to treat men like pigs, and this just won't fly, because they won't play that game

[@radioactiverat8751]

The meme point hit kind of hard. I immediately thought about Will Smith. Poor guy was blatantly cheated on, with his wife basically being given a platform to more or less boast that she didn't give a shit. His years of marriage all going to piss and the guy couldn't shed a full tear, and was meme'd to death. I felt terrible and quite bitter about the woman and people who used it.

[@beyney4727]

I think Aragorn from Lord of the Rings is one character who cries and is never mocked for it. But noone denies his "manlieness" because of it

[@D0MiN0ChAn]

Generally everyone in LOTR seems to be very intune with their emotions -- never seen as many grown men cry on the big screen before, but not a single one of them was ever outright ridiculed by the others. I loved that. Wish we'd see this kind of thing more often.

[@beyney4727]

@@D0MiN0ChAn very true.

[@chadsims5090]

It's because tolken was into concepts like chivalry. In classic stories a chivalrous knight cried all the times even at things like a good poem.

[@saniakshay12]

They handled Thor's depression really really badly in Endgame. It was extremely upsetting. He is constantly ridiculed for having feelings. The LOTR and I think the Prequel trilogy in SW handle crying really well or general displays of emotion.

[@athenam4724]

Yeah honestly, why do we always use men's pain as comedy? The only time we really see men expressing any pain in media is when he's avenging a dead girlfriend or kid lol(which is a whole nother conversation)

[@CyberDork34]

The way they treated Thor's weight was disgusting

[@theomegajuice8660]

I don't think that laughter and empathy are mutually exclusive. You can empathise with someone's mental health problems and still acknowledge that it sometimes manifests in amusing ways.

[@maximussaktish]

The jedis in the Prequel star wars trilogy was condemned for showing emotions thoufh

[@saniakshay12]

@@maximussaktish exactly. That’s the point. They were to closed off and nearly went extinct as a result of it. Rigidity is bad but discipline isn’t.

[@UnfilteredMay]

sorry for commenting so much but another thing i noticed is that, because women are EXPECTED to cry and expected to be emotional, our feelings will likely be invalidated just because it's expected that we "cry like a little girl"

[@sullywully95]

Also reinforces the idea that crying is a sign of weakness, so by that extension society is seen with women as being weak

[@UnfilteredMay]

@@sullywully95 that’s a good point. it’s so interesting to analyse the effect of social standards on us

[@massetozacarias5693]

in my experience, when women cry there's always a male who's emotionally strong providing her emotional stability while she is vulnerable

[@toomuchinformation]

@@massetozacarias5693 In my experience, there's no one, male or female.

[@dopamine5170]

especially in arguments or other situations where theyre pitted against eachother. once you get emotional its game over for women

[@hopefulhyena3400]

My dad has a hard time expressing his emotions, but almost every time I've seen him cry, it was because he was telling me he loved me. I sometimes wonder what he'd be like if he hadn't been raised to hide his emotions. He has so much love in his heart, but it's like he's afraid to let it out.

[@probablyalive.2665]

I just realised how it was Thor's vulnerability and grief and depression that were being played for laughs in endgame, and I feel really disappointed.

[@tinaloye2014]

Oh it’s one of the reasons I hated endgame... this man lost his family, his planet, his friends, subjects.. etc in the span of 10 years.:. He is not ok. And they made it a joke... the entire movie was character assassinations as far as i’m concerned.

[@gabriellockhart]

@@tinaloye2014 Think about Thor for one second, He is played as wallowing in self pity, When he is infact a warrior who has killed tens of thousands of people over his thousand plus years of life. How many families has Thor killed, How many kingdoms as he decimated...

[@tinaloye2014]

@@gabriellockhart no one is excusing what he did. The whole point of his journey was to transition from the warrior type to someone who helped others... the same can’t be said for Odin or Hela or even Loki. Thor was probably the only one in that family who changed frankly. However, this isn’t wallowing in self pity. This is depression and it came at the cost of total familiar loss. That’s what we’re acknowledging. Characters can be complex. Things aren’t black and white. Endgame as bad as it was at least tried to show Thor processing grief (badly but it was done)

[@avatarcharlie]

Media: “crying like a little girl” Me,a girl (woman): had an emotionally neglectful childhood, learned not to cry *in front of anyone*

[@TheRawrnstuff]

You cry like a grown man.

[@avatarcharlie]

@@TheRawrnstuff it would seem so

[@Vitaflickan]

Ah I see we grew up the same. I always hid my tears and did absolutely everything I could to repress them. I will say however since I got an IUD a few years ago it's been 100% impossible to hold them back and some small thing can just send the tears coming, it's awful and I'm still not comfortable with it. But on another note something I've noticeed is that in relationships men tend to not take women's anger seriously until we cry, sometimes not even then, so I've definitely been brought to that point (against my will of course) at several times. Ugh it's so annoying that we can't all just accept each other, emotions and all.

[@avatarcharlie]

@@Vitaflickan I feel you, when I got pregnant I was really emotional but my husband can’t take the stress of my emotions so it’s a bit isolating to continue to keep everything in. So that’s on a human level but when I pray I cry a lot and that’s a big release, but even when I’m talking to God after I’m done crying I feel embarrassed. And yeah it would be great if everyone was more open and honest and vulnerable, I feel like my whole family is very closed off emotionally

[@Vitaflickan]

@@avatarcharlie Awe, I'm sorry that you don't feel comfortable letting your emotions go :( I've worked a lot on being emotionally open with my current boyfriend, we've both ugly cried in each other's arms and I find it's things like that that bring you to be so incredibly close to someone. Just trusting them to be there for you in your weakest moment. The best is just laying your head in your partners lap and having them gently touch your hair or face while you talk about what's upsetting you. You don't even need to answer just aknowledge that you're listening. I think you could try to do this with your husband when one of you is stressed, it's a great relief! And you'll get closer, which is sooo important for us humans. I'm not very religious but I'm glad you can find support from God, any bit helps and I'm sure God sees you as a child and wants the best for you so no need to be embarrased. We all need connection and any way we can get it is good!

[@kfauzi109]

that's why I like Alex Louis Armstrong from FMA. He's arguably the manliest character in the show and he is also the most emotionally expressive out of everyone in the cast.

[@emmahardy5422]

This video made me think of "it's a terrible day for rain" 😭 RIP Hughes. On a serious note though, FMA is not afraid to have it's male protagonists show emotions and it's never considered a weakness and that's just one of the reasons I love that damn show so much!

[@laseede17]

@@emmahardy5422 I think that's true for most animes. Maybe in Japan this phrase isn't so popular.

[@starmaker75]

Their also Franky from one piece who very manly and yet he very expressive(including other manly characters from one piece with the exception with zorro, but again he the expection).

[@Logitah]

@@starmaker75 One Piece is incredibly cathartic to read, because when you want to cry, the characters cry too. Also, Luffy is a loving friend who has no problem hugging anyone.

[@g2.a6]

The entire male cast of Fist of the North Star sheds rivers of tears and it's always great. And that's the manliest series in existence. A lot of male characters cry in anime and they've been doing it since the 70'.

[@imdani4997]

When people ask "are you crying" or say "don't cry.." I just feel like crying even more

[@janszwyngel4820]

"don't cry" my eyes are itchy, my cheeks are too soggy, I can't see anything and my nose is full. If I I could stop I would've already.

[@Wattywatasaurus]

When I was younger, I used to cry a lot. It ended up becoming a point of contention with my parents. Admittedly, some of their concerns may have been valid - crying is, after all, not the only means of channeling one’s emotions, and it’s important to find others. But somehow, I don’t think it would’ve been as much of a problem if I’d been a girl. When my dad died, my mother and siblings were all crying openly, and I kept retreating to my room when I wanted to grieve. And they were completely confused by that. What I wanted to say to them (but didn’t) was that, thanks to being constantly shamed for crying when I was younger, I simply didn’t feel comfortable expressing my emotions in front of them. I have no problem crying. But I’m VERY selective about who I will allow to see it now.

[@Oreo-vh7rk]

Omg same. Im a girl and I cry a lot when I was a kid but then I realized that kids around me (boys especially) kept making fun of me for crying so I stopped and now Im kinda emotionally stunted. I had a family member who I was close to passed away last year and I couldn't cry at their funeral but had a full on breakdown a few days later alone in my room.

[@blue1584]

It’s horrible to shame children for crying... parents need to be more careful and compassionate towards their kids. Children really internalize the things they are taught by their parents so so much- and if it’s something negative, it can unfortunately harm them well into adulthood

[@Boss_Isaac]

I was in a similar scenario, as I was the overly-sensitive kid who cried at every little thing and I _hated_ it, the fact that none of my peers, none of the adults at school for that matter, thought to offer any emotional support. They'd all just stand there and stare at me as if my crying was some utterly strange phenomenon. I've never thought of myself as weak for crying, I grew to fully regect that aspect of toxic masculinity and I felt somewhat proud that I was emotionally expressive, but I only ever allow myself to fully break down in the privacy of my room.

[@androssandross7410]

Baffling how many times "Are you crying" is being said even in current movies and tv shows

[@SabH27]

It actually kind of shocked me how many of the worst examples came from comedy movies, but thinking about it it really shouldn't be that surprising. I don't know what it is about the genre that makes it so ripe for the worst kinds of tropes, dialogue, and messaging. That's becoming a bigger topic in itself lately given so many comedians think it's "dying" due to cancel culture or whatever the excuse is they fall back on to mask the worst kinds of thoughts and beliefs. I feel like that's a whole topic in itself. Also, I really have to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I have heard nothing but good things about it and have still yet to watch it.

[@NaderNabilart]

YES! I can't think of a time that comedy wasn't pushing toxic ideas like these since the silent films era, Buster Keaton and Chaplin. I wished the video essay explored when exactly did this trend start

[@FlorianCalmer]

It happens more with comedy because laughs happen when something abnormal and relatively harmless (gets a bit more complex with shock humor but anyway) is happening. Think about the girls pooping themselves in Bridesmaids, or guys like Lloyd & Harry acting like fools in a restaurant. Things that are not supposed to happen are the root of comedy, so sometimes, comedy has to root itself in simplified stereotypes that are presented as a "normal" baseline in order to introduce the funny "abnormal" moment later. It's not a problem in itself, it's a problem when it presents things like, in this case, traditional toxic masculinity as the normal universal thing. That's why "wokeness" feels threatening to some comedians because "wokeness" basically says 'There's no single truth, no single perspective, no single identity or belief" and that makes setting that "normal baseline" harder.

[@unapatton1978]

That is why I hardly ever watch comedies. And if I do, I often stumble over these.

[@MohamedRamadan-qi4hl]

@@FlorianCalmer that is why wokeness hate math and science

[@GodEnderX]

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is literally my favourite movie..... next up robocop... just some context.

[@serendipity696]

Paddy pimblett, a UFC fighter talked about this recently due to one of his friends committing suicide. It was one of the first times I’ve seen a “tough guy” break down in front of so many people. His message hit even harder. He said “I’d rather sit with you and listen to you cry on my shoulder than have to carry your casket next week at your funeral”

[@kamj6607]

yeah people will say that until it gets real, then they scatter like roaches until you either get "better" or off yourself

[@HopperChopper]

“I’d rather have me mate cry on my shoulder, than go to his funeral next week.” That clip made me cry for like an hour when I saw it.

[@cherusiderea1330]

You know, that's something I really like about Lord of the Rings, when Gandalf "died", one of the men (Boromir I think it was?) told Aragorn to give the others TIME to mourn (which, I think, didn't happen in the book? It was like, ok, Gandalf's dead, let's move on after two or so sentences of crying), and the LOTR movies were such a huge impact for a whole generation, so many examples of positive masculinity

[@Vexmybeloved_]

This is why I love Korean dramas. Korean dramas not only have emotional and crying women, but men more often than not will unapolygetically SOB. Like full on ugly cry. It gets me crying so hard every time, but it really does help with destigmatising the stereotype!

[@stanthegreatman6592]

Any you recommend? I liked the k2

[@Vexmybeloved_]

@@stanthegreatman6592 ​ I have a lot! - 17 again (Lots of crying! - from the characters as well as me lol). - Doom at your service. (Lead is kinda unemotional, but if he does cry it's THAT much more impactful! - Angel's last mission: Love (the lead is so cute! has great emotional range!) - Two cops (two bros just chilling and having heartfelt conversations and solving crime while one of them is in a coma!) If you want more recs, i'd be happy to rec more!

[@RamzaBeoulves]

It felt weird seeing it at first but, god, I wish Hollywood would let a few ugly cries slip Koreans know what's up

[@thenamelessdragon]

@Stan The Great Man eh, i mean kdramas overdo it very often but its still refreshing (i.e sobbing on their bed over accidentally leaving smth at their crush's house). my own personal rec is hotel del luna, emotional vulnerability, reversal of gender norms and just really good production, camera, acting, plotting... the character work is really good. another rec is vincenzo based on the first couple of episodes. i cant say anything about how it deals with its set up but the set up has been really intriguing so far.

[@theomegajuice8660]

I remember crying once at school after getting in trouble and an older boy came up to me and asked "What girl did this to you?" ...not "What's upset you?" or "Why are you crying?" but "Here is the reason you are allowed to cry, please confirm that for me" Worth mentioning that I was only 12 at the time

[@massetozacarias5693]

I do cry at school, but not that dramatic because I'm quite emotionally stable, got to thank my mom for raising me to express my emotions in a healthy way

[@cherusiderea1330]

Now that you mention it ... One time maybe 8th grade in maths I started to cry bc the teacher wanted to give me an F although I had done the homework and I felt it was so unfair, also I had never gotten an F before so I kind of panicked into tears. But the class room was dark (she usually used the projector bc she couldn't handle the chalk dust) and I hoped no one would notice and she literally said in front of the whole class, "There's no need for you to cry!" and I was like fuck you, couldn't you keep that to yourself?! In the end, she didn't give me an F probably bc I reacted like that and she realized that she had overreacted, but now I think both her and me had some strange opinions about tears.

[@takke9830]

Jesus christ!

[@fitz8923]

Growing up with Uncle Iroh, as a man, seeing it again just hit different. He is truly the ideal Father Figure so many of us wish we had.

[@iamalittler]

Jesus Christ, I was just listening and Zuko and Iroh had me in tears.

[@Vesperitis]

he really saved the best for last

[@mlsdreavusjargon6910]

Only thing from the show that tops that in emotional moments is Leaves on the Vine, I can’t watch that without crying.

[@Dan_d00d]

@@mlsdreavusjargon6910 agreed. Iroh is what we could all aspire to be alike

[@godzillavkk]

Yes. If only it wasn't a rip off of Theon Greyjoy and full of a show made to steal from Japan.

[@Jojo-no4ng]

@@godzillavkk what? Zuko is a rip off of Theon Greyjoy? Are you ok?

[@thesixfootsixexperience8781]

Something I liked about Breaking Bad is how Walt full on cries in certain scenes that don’t meet the traditionally accepted criterion. There’s a scene in the season 3 finale where he’s begging for his life and crying. It’s not played to be something dramatic or poignant. It’s just a natural human response to being in that situation.

[@elias306]

One of my absolute favorite scenes in that show is when Jesse cries after finding the ricin cigarette in his Roomba, and Walt just comforts him over it. There’s lots of crying in that show, and no jokes made about it

[@thesixfootsixexperience8781]

@@elias306 A perfect example of what I’m saying!

[@Hekateras]

Breaking Bad is a fascinating show with regards to crying, because while Walt may not get shit from the viewer base for crying, Jesse's crying is constantly mocked by other characters and viewers alike.

[@liliaweber7257]

My only complaint with this video is that it doesn't include anything from Breaking Bad.

[@Vincent1808]

The same rules apply to “Strong female characters” like Ripley (Alien series) or Captain Marvel

[@katara2021]

Hate it when they strip vulnerability from female characters and portray it as some kind of honor.

[@savethepalmtries]

Though I agree with your point, I think Ripley is a great example of an amazing character, who happens to be female. Not an example of stupid, cliche "Strong female characters" that are just created to pander to a female audience, but are not real fleshed out characters. Ripley is a great leader with good survival instincts. But she can still be gentle and soft, as shown in the second film. She does not give up her femininity and still is an absolute badass.

[@finngswan3732]

@@savethepalmtries I agree, but I believe this is dampened by the fact her vulnerability is only shown in a movie separate from her "strong" moments.

[@savethepalmtries]

@@finngswan3732 I find her even stronger in the second film because she manages to connect with and protect a traumatised little girl. The protective role is usually assigned to male characters in films.

[@wrestlinganime4life288]

@@savethepalmtries in Aliens 2 her motherside was soo inspiring

[@ianwhippie2533]

I feel like the "you got beat up by a girl!" gag is on the same level as the "you're crying like a girl!" one. It frustrates the hell out of me that it's in everything.

[@nico.f.]

"Weakness is a great thing, and strength is nothing. When a man is just born, he is weak and flexible. When he dies, he is hard and insensitive. When a tree is growing, it's tender and pliant. But when it's dry and hard, it dies. Hardness and strength are death's companions. Pliancy and weakness are expressions of the freshness of being. Because what has hardened will never win." - Stalker (1979), Tarkovsky.

[@SAMSARALIVEEEEEE]

Excellent movie

[@PilgrimVisions]

Wonderful quote, wonderful movie, wonderful profile image (Matazo Kayama).

[@_kalia]

One thing I'm really surprised you didn't lean into analysing is the implications of the _circumstances_ where it is and isn't acceptable for men to cry. In the former cases (war, competition, victory, grief/pride for their child, etc.) the man's masculinity is reinforced by the immediate circumstances, they're crying in the middle of something that is unquestionably manly (being a warrior, being a competitor, being a father or a protector), so the shame and lack of masculinity ascribed to men crying is countered with a simultaneous and overt reaffirmation of their masculinity. Similarly, in the cases where it's played for ridicule or laughs, they're often cases where they aren't also reaffirming their masculinity at the same time, so there's nothing to buttress against the criticism. I think this also explains another side of the 'crying alone' case, where there is still the perception of a loss of status, but because the man is alone, the shame aspect is absent. They're compromising their masculinity, but not _to_ anyone.

[@austinlam8145]

I have a friend whose dad is really comfortable in his emotions and it's very cool of him. he's a really soft-spoken poet and he cries watching literally any movie and even ads. it's really wholesome and healthy :))

[@christopherbrown5409]

Or excessive

[@pabloni1117]

@@christopherbrown5409 that kind of thinking is the reason why this video exists :)

[@Anelkia]

Souds like a very sweet man I would like to meet😁 Emotions are healthy and powerful

[@austinlam8145]

@@Anelkia he's so kind 🥺. my dad's... not great and I've never had an issue with that, but when I'm hanging out with my friend and her family I feel a slight tinge of daddy issues lmao

[@christopherbrown5409]

@@pabloni1117 is emotional self-control bad now?

[@funniboifromthehaharadioactive]

i had a mental breakdown at school once and started crying. i was bullied a lot, and now i have almost lost the ability to cry.

[@arnazahmed2372]

I cry by maladaptive daydreaming. If something bad happens which is considered a minor incident, I daydream about it to be an even more extreme incident in my head so that it feels... Justifiable to cry. So that it feels valid to cry. So that it feels okay to cry. And i hate doing it. But i can't stop.

[@YuniX2]

That doesn't sound maladaptive to me, it sounds like a clever way to get around the blockade placed on your emotions by society when you deem it appropriate to relieve your pain by crying - no matter how small the cause of the pain. What makes it maladaptive?

[@RominaJones]

I had a male friend tell me he had been chastised for crying by girlfriends before as it was not seen as not manly and thus unattractive. It was so heartbreaking to hear that and unsurprisingly he said it did affect his ability to be vulnerable with partners. I think about those women carrying around such a toxic attitude, whether from their own family dynamic or media influence, and how it can be too easily shut down men in this regard as they are already vulnerable to perpetual social cues telling them to repress their emotions. Intimate relationships may be the one outlet they have and to see that shutdown is so sad.

[@b3nl555]

Things like this are just strengthening my want to be alone for the rest of my life.

[@seemysight]

@@b3nl555 don’t close yourself for people just because a lot of them are bad. Because most are not. Trust me.

[@RominaJones]

@@b3nl555 What my friend told me was shocking because it was the exception. That is not the norm though exists. Every woman I personally know sees an emotionally open man as a strength.

[@Vitorruy1]

@@RominaJones They say that or they do that?

[@jghifiversveiws8729]

@@b3nl555 Nothing wrong with that.

[@mrmusickhimself]

I remember when Hilary Swank won her first Oscar (ironically for Boys Don't Cry), and her husband Chad Lowe was openly crying with joy over his wife's victory. The press LIT HIM UP for it, and I remember how sad that made me feel back then. He was just supporting the love of his life and they were tears of pride.

[@jdleviathan6319]

“Men having to kill off their own emotions to be a proper member of society” I did that throughout middle school and high school and now it’s hard for me to feel much anymore except for rage and anger. So thanks for mentioning all of this and covering this

[@TheElectricCheeseProductions22]

real