Strategies to Calm an Upset Child

Ideas and strategies to help calm down young children. These strategies can be used in a classroom or at home.

[@leah9491]

i love the pinwheel idea, i’m a daycare assistant and i can really see it being effective!!

[@crstph]

i have this specific memory of being a child and every time i had a meltdown my mom would say "stop crying! stop crying!" which as a child was really upsetting, and i would always reply "i cant" and she would say "yes you can," etc etc of course as an adult i can see that she probably said this because i was crying over nothing, and the crying seemed like a choice or a tactic to get my way. but i just remember being so really and truly overwhelmed by emotions that i couldnt stop crying? but next she would have me take deep breaths, and then at this point i found myself able to stop crying. so watching videos like this is interesting and informative for me as an adult who still has memories of that mindset (somehow) of what it feels like to be crying with and adult trying to calm you, and seeing how my mom was probably just figuring things out as she went, and how half the time she hit the nail on the head and half the time she was doing the opposite of what she should've been hahah

[@JacquiGordo]

You are amazing. I've taken all these ECE units and none of them taught me how to actually communicate with children. You're such a gift. thanks

[@clearlycrochet9697]

wonderful! I love how you fully engage the children using different senses and comfort them by having them actively participating in something so simple and concrete. You gently pull them out of their self-involved trauma to interact with you and become mindful of the need to relax and become more present and cooperative. You are priceless.

[@marychrisbailey6722]

Wish I knew this when my kids were little. Your ideas are great for parents too

[@lspiegel-garden2886]

I used to be a pediatric rehab therapist. I always had a small bottle of bubbles in my pocket or nearby. Some times the children had to experience some not fun, but needed medical care. Bubbles worked in some magical way. Just watching the bubbles calmed them....the repetition of the actions of blowing and the sound of blowing was hypnotic and distracting and eventually they wanted to blow themselves. If they were unable to blow themselves, I would blow a bubble and catch it with the wand and then tell them to blow the full bubble off the wand. ...success! .........Another strategy that really worked, especially with toddlers and preschoolers...I mean full blown screaming and crying...is water.......Take them to sink and run the water in a special container........put in some small containers , cups, spoons, ladles (if child hypersensitive) etc to pour the water themselves...back and forth..repetitive actions and the sound of water would distract and calm them... ...or little items, toys, fish, toy trucks, in the water, that appeal to that particular child...they get engaged with the task and after a period of time it becomes a good time .to discuss why the child is so upset. What really surprised me ...I learned.....if I added a tiny drop of blue food coloring or drop of blue nontoxic watercolor.....BLUE.......the color blue and water, really calmed them down! Worked really well for toddler tantrums.

[@positivepreschooltips]

Thank you for all your great suggestions.

[@pamelaaverrett5848]

Oh my goodness, I needed to hear these tips three kids ago 🤣. Fantastic! Thanks

[@obibayani248]

An amazing idea to keep kids redirect their attention to a positive and productive activity I will make "Feed the grouch" and apply it to my upset kids...:D Thanks for the wonderful techniques!

[@merihakman1878]

You are such a generous person! I LOVE your positivity! Thank you SO much for sharing these lifesaver ideas!!

[@positivepreschooltips]

You're Welcome! I'm glad they are helpful to you!

[@brendaeaster8560]

🌺😉😉😉

[@judy6114]

Wow! You are an amazing teacher and person! I am 60 yo and wish you had been my children's teacher! You calm everyone!

[@carolmcelwee6882]

Great ideas! I have a total of 10 nieces/nephews under the age of 5 that this would be great to use with them. Thank you!

[@djthereplay]

+positivepreschooltips I sure wish I had you as a teacher when I was a young autistic child in preschool because I had those moments too . That is wonderful that you take that much time to help a child express their feelings and try to help them out in such ways . - Dwight

[@positivepreschooltips]

Dwight, thank you for your sweet comment! I appreciate you sharing with me.

[@positivepreschooltips]

Dwight, thank you for your kind words! I appreciate your comment. I think we are getting better at identifying and addressing the needs of the little ones in our care :) Cyndi

[@carlitamiller6949]

These are great ideas for providers and parents. Im going to pick up a pin wheel today and try that method out with my child the next time shes upset.

[@charitymenditto6489]

Great ideas I just want to point out some children allergic reactions to lavender etc. we cannot use anything like that in our school. Besides that, I will definitely use the pinwheel idea! Thanks!

[@user-qd9tn9oj3g]

Great ideas! Thank you for sharing.

[@danfry654]

Love these ideas!

[@MsJune-sx4gj]

Thank you so much for sharing. The windmill idea is brilliant!!!

[@totustuus8366]

Thank you for sharing all these wonderful ideas! This is so helpful. God bless you.

[@funmakers2093]

LOVE your ideas. Can’t wait to try them.

[@ams_tyquiengco]

This is wonderful!!!! Love all of these tips

[@ascensioncano3606]

Thanks for the fantastic ideas.

[@andreinaavilam]

Just perfect!!.. Thank uuuuuuu!!!!!

[@jennyesperanzajoyaballen1482]

I loved your strategies, I am goin to start my u frustrating box. Thank you!

[@jamilatulmuawanah2634]

YOU'RE SUCH A LIFE SAVER! Thank youuu for these great tips 🤗🤗🤗🤗

[@luwang5085]

All your videos contain so much useful information and practical tips. Love them and hope there will be more.

[@ashyanaharricharran3458]

I love, love your strategies

[@danfry3501]

Great video. Thanks for sharing.

[@RebeccaMarriage]

Fantastic, thank You!

[@keeperofmyhome]

Great tips!!! Thank you for sharing!!👏🏽

[@RollingFishball]

Cutes ideas, thank you!

[@annak1371]

I really love the pin wheel idea. The only one I've ever heard of and we've tried and it worked, is to have the child take a deep breath in and then have them count to 10 or from 10 to 1.

[@melinagenu7421]

Incredible video! Luv your channel

[@mariemartin15]

Thank you for the great ideas

[@sheilajeannel]

Great ideas. Thanks.

[@cathrynreallydoescare3639]

Thank you. Just returned to work in a nursery and your fabulous tips and experience make all the difference. 🇬🇧🌻🦋 Thank you💕

[@Sarah-ew1qy]

I absolutely love your channel, as a new preschool teacher your videos have helped me so much!

[@almarivoire7773]

I love this!

[@irenehaleem5556]

Awesome 👏🏼

[@lamyaataha4931]

Amazing, thank you so much 😊

[@glasshousefuture6836]

I used to babysit often..these are great tips!!!

[@SuperLauraLoca]

Thank you so much!

[@misrangiegreen3343]

thank you dear!!!! lovely strategies that really work!

[@floramomoa2048]

Amazing!

[@safajamali3017]

Lovely ideas.Thanks a lot.I am a new teacher in early years.I will be using their strategies very soon since I am struggling with kids since they were in their houses for last 1.5 years.

[@AmericanPeasantry]

This is soooo helpful! Thank you for sharing this, Cindy! I teach ESL preschool & have a little girl who is constantly upset & has been out of control in our last two classes. I’m excited to try your techniques & hope they help!!

[@positivepreschooltips]

I'm glad this is helpful! Let me know how it goes and if you need any additional suggestions. Good luck!

[@mohdshahnawaz3864]

Absolutely loved this video. Thank you so much for this valuable information. Lots of love from an Australian 🇦🇺❤

[@maydennison6353]

Thank you so much. As an adult, your strategies still work with me too. ❤

[@positivepreschooltips]

😊

[@karenmazzu]

Thanks!

[@Christinalovespink91]

I always sing the Daniel tiger song. When I'm feeling mad and I want to roar take a deep breathe and count to four. My daughter would count to 10 when she was scared.

[@michawill6599]

Been reading a lot from Aletha Solter on understanding crying. She suggests distraction is a no no, but physically comforting them through the crying and empathising with (e.g. actually helping them to name) their emotions. Leads to children who confidently express strong emotions appropriately and get over them more quickly than those with a poor model for dealing with their emotions due to being distracted or diverted from them over the years. Also makes them confident empathic emotionally intelligent adults and parents as they're less likely to get triggered by crying and trantrums.

[@cindymolina601]

The way I see it is the distraction is to calm them down first. U aren't going to get much out of a screaming/crying child. I have 3 under 5. I think distractions are great, BUT the point is once they're calm u can THEN talk to them about why they were upset and have them address their feelings and why it's important to express them in a positive, healthy way. Teaching them that talking about it can help more than feeding that emotion. She mentioned in the video that after they're calm we can talk to them about how they felt. I agree that just distraction alone is a bad technique. They will never deal with the issue that way. N won't learn how to control their emotions.

[@moroccanincanada511]

She already mentioned that we distract them to calm them down then we talk to them about their emotions..

[@cathrynreallydoescare3639]

It’s hard to talk to a screaming child especially when there are other children to care for. Sometimes a safe place for them to scream it out is the only way. You can’t reward screaming tantrums nor can you talk through things through with a toddler who can’t speak. 🇬🇧🦋❤️

[@SolMex64]

Thank you thank you

[@syarifahsabira3522]

Tq teacher.. Will try with my nephews n nieces 🥰

[@KindredKeepsake]

Feed the Grouch? That's adorable! XD

[@Hehe-wy7vw]

excellent! Thank you!! I'm using this on my 2yr!!

[@positivepreschooltips]

Great! I hope you find this helpful. Thanks for your comment!

[@danfry654]

I like the pinwheel idea.

[@jessmoro9807]

Thanks for your help, these are great ideas for my class. Please do a video about What can the teacher change a bad behavior??

[@nancyberm4l]

Thank you

[@EricaJune-Luo]

Thank you so much Cindy, I have been watching your videos again and again, it’s all so good, so helpful!

[@positivepreschooltips]

Glad you like them!

[@mj9949]

Brilliant

[@roxannebarthus5252]

Thank you for sharing. It is very helpful in kindergarten. My only concern is that they might act angry to do something fun instead of their work in class. They might go to the box several times. How do you manage that ?

[@havingfun5684]

Genius

[@savannao6877]

My preschool kids would think most of these were rewards. Everyone would want to participate. They are good ideas though. Maybe they would be more successful if you separated the child from others or had multiple items so more people could participate. Then the items wouldn’t be associated with the behavior.

[@mrspanchavilla]

I must try dinosaur shoes and feed the grouch! Think it will help so much.

[@xNCFOREVERx]

also, a sensory bottle can help them calm down as well

[@yvonnesaucier2111]

Thank you for some new ideas especially with helping students deal with strong emotions. I am definitely going to try these suggestions.

[@paigesmith6898]

These all sound great. One question though, How do you keep the child from seeing these as a reward for their behavior and/or the rest of the class also wanting to take part in the activity?

[@gyartlessons6596]

I have the same question!

[@allthemomthings2274]

I think at first it's gonna be the new thing that they all want a turn in and that might be a great way to introduce the tools and how to use them. And they might fake being upset to go try them after you introduce them and I think that that's ok. It's great practice for them! I would just walk them through it all the first day, even if they are faking(lol) so that when they do need it they will remember what to do. And hopefully you can have a quiet place for the upset child to calm down in so not everyone is looking at them. I'm a mom of 3 and run a daycare so I only know what I know, but I hope this helps!

[@paulabautista3774]

Love your ideas, but do you have something for remote classes? Can you, for example, do the pinwheel breathing exercise but you move the pinwheel yourself to make it seem as though it’s moving because they’re blowing on it?

[@positivepreschooltips]

I do have some tips for online teaching (since I did online teaching last year) however, every time I think about posting, it seems that most school are back teaching face-to-face.

[@catheadoff]

Subscribed

[@meikemcdermott5528]

Thank you for the helpful information. Do you have any strategy for a child who is full blown raged, to calm him down? No one can't talk to him, or touch him. Thanks.

[@Ashley-qi7yq]

Loving your videos! I am going to start teaching kids yoga for the agegroup of 3-5 and am finding these very helpful! I had one question/thought on the Dinosaur Stomp. I wonder would kids of this age group have the mental capacity to go "hm, so n so was angry and then got to put those cool boots on and stomp around...that looked fun...if I act angry maybe I will also get to use them"...Anyone have thoughts on this? Thank you!

[@Ashley-qi7yq]

don't know if "mental capacity" is the right way to phrase it...just curious whether you have found that some kids do this or if there are ways to curb this great expressive activity from becoming overused due to its fun/silly nature

[@positivepreschooltips]

Thank you for your responses! I would suggest offering the Dinosaur Stomp shoes at other times of the day so if the children want to use them just to be silly, they will have access to them.

[@ChrisZai-fc6dn]

I have one semi autism children, when he get an angry he trying to use his physical such as biting and threw something around him. How i am settle him is i talk nicely with gently intonation, then i try to ask him to sit on chair n drink water that is like an old strategies for me but its work to settlr down such kind of this children, second im use my hands to hold his finger and sit down with him and ask him to see my eyes if no respons u may try another way to keep firmly voice to him to hold my laps a few minutes. U can see he will calm down slowly. Its some kind of tips tht i can share to preschool teacher.

[@audreykelly4273]

How do these work with typically developing preschoolers who see this behaviors but they then get to play something fun. I struggle with this.

[@judithpena7055]

Wow

[@novocaine09]

I have a question. Do you have any tips for very explosive children? We have some that we really try to help understand their feelings and teach them healthy ways to express it, but will not be receptive to any of our strategies. For instance, they will just throw the tools we give them and will hold their breath when we do breathing exercises.

[@korea2052]

One of my students cries often and I will try these methods to hopefully help her to calm down! 😊 Although, I’m worried about after she calms down. She often doesn’t want to do the activities after she cries. I’m afraid she’ll think crying will get her out of doing the activities, so I was wondering if there is anything I can do to help her get back on track?

[@positivepreschooltips]

korea20, try a First/Then strategy. Tell the little one, "FIRST you need to calm down, THEN you can finish your work". This will help set the expectation that she still needs to return to her work. Good luck!

[@korea2052]

positivepreschooltips thank you so much for your advice! 😊

[@evolutionofshyanne5917]

2:20

[@aiden_munz]

But what should I do if the child refuses to do the pin wheel or any other thing? If they just stand there and say that they don't want to do any of the things that i offer? Being all upset and grumpy and all that...

[@positivepreschooltips]

I understand the struggle! Sometimes walking away and letting the child have time to themselves to 'work it out' is needed. I would leave the calm down box close in case they change their minds. How old is the child?

[@aiden_munz]

positivepreschooltips he's 4 yo. He doesn't want to be away from his brother, even for a little while, and throws a tantrum every time they have to split...

[@positivepreschooltips]

@@aiden_munz another suggestion may be to let him have a picture of his brother that he gets to keep in his cubbie or let him hold it as a transition object. Seeing his brother's picture may help him settle down and calm down.

[@aiden_munz]

positivepreschooltips thank you very much! We'll definitely try it

[@almarivoire7773]

What if all the kids want a turn?, I'd get a lot of angry kids...

[@somyan8540]

I think children have to first learn how to behave properly and accordingly then they can be invited to have thier turn? Until they learn act in a decent manner they will not get invoted and not be able to get their turn. So they have to behave very good.

[@Godslillamb]

Do you have tips for 1-2 year olds? Most of the kids I have in my class I teach at Daycare don't know very many words yet, and have toddler tantrums.

[@positivepreschooltips]

Godslillamb, thanks for your comment! I will work on a video on how to handle toddler tantrums! The first rule in toddler tantrums is to ignore them as much as possible (you don't want to give them attention for having a tantrum). The most effective strategy you can use with 1-2 year olds is re-direction! If a child is pitching a fit, sit next to him/her with a really interesting toy and play with it (be an actress and act like you are having the best time :)), this will distract the child from the tantrum and get them interested in the toy. Once they show interest, let them play with the toy and then give them some hugs and sweet words when they are playing and not having a tantrum. Give it a try and let me know how it goes. Good luck!

[@Godslillamb]

@@positivepreschooltips Will do, thank you so much. :)

[@larful]

What do you do when the child stomps your tissue boxes like it’s recycle day nice and flat ? Lol

[@pennyc11]

Good ideas but my kids will knock anything out of my hands and continue to try to hurt other children in the classroom.

[@ursulasmith6402]

M&Ms is NOT chocolate.

[@djthereplay]

+Ursula Smith Yes M&Ms are chocolate .

[@deeakinlofa]

How do I stop my 3yrs from sucking his thumb finger ? I need help. My husband beat him a lot for doing this..

[@JennyDiamantakos]

Wooow realy coool technique .thanx!