Poundland Figures Special: Piratical Army Orcs | Ashens

[@turniphead986]

I like to imagine that Toy Story mechanics are in effect, and Ashens' vast hordes of bootleg action figures protect his home like some kind of freakish accursed army of the damned 😌💭

[@Joe90h]

Protect it? No, they're amassing an army for their fallen brethren, burned by the fires of judgement because the posh git deemed them too rubbish to keep about the house.

[@turniphead986]

Pfahahah, true enough X)

[@darthvaderbutwayshittier7054]

Too bad most of them can't really move their legs, or heads, or they don't have faces...

[@TheUsshue]

They are no match for the might of the Army of Interesting Items who, doubtless, will defend their owner to the death.

[@smb-c3po]

They could still move without articulation, there are toys in the movies who do that.

[@HaydenX]

"What be a pirate's favorite letterr?" "Arr?" "Ne..ye'd think it, but it be the 'C'."

[@LazerLord10]

Your random stories for each of the figures are amazingly detailed fro being made up on the spot.

[@JayNathan_]

"Pirate Monkey" sounds like a dodgy site that hosts torrents

[@snarkasticdouche3863]

Stealing that, that's mine! Called it! ... Now to negotiate with the URL squatters.

[@CanuckJim]

"Arrrr I'm a Pirate" "Where are your buccaneers?" "Under me buckin' hat!"

[@willparry]

you should make a stop motion epic starring only poundland figures.

[@CounterClaws]

Sounds like a whole lot of stop and not a lot of motion.

[@The_Barroth]

the mastermind should be THE GOOSE

[@SSBBPOKEFAN]

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!

[@howdoiputthecheeseintheove8437]

Will Parry He'd probably burn that along with the figures

[@km5405]

that's the finale

[@Shaunicus.]

This video has convinced me that Ashens would be a top class DM

[@deadbydayinblack]

God bless you John "Soap" Mactavish! You will be remembered. A wee hard SAS scotsman in a game. Not a cliche at all

[@Gorfinhofin]

"Lerk" actually kind of seems like it could be an old-timey pirate spelling of the word.

[@culwin]

Authentic af

[@samvimes9510]

I wonder if for those lines, the manufacturers made a 7th unlisted figure to throw in shops just to really confuse the kids. Little Billy is over at Ted's house, and Ted shows off his collection of War Orcs while proudly stating "I collected all six!" and then little Billy says "wait a minute, I've got all six but that's not one of them!" They argue for a bit, Billy runs home to bring his collection of orcs over so he can prove to Ted that everything he knows is a lie, and then they argue for a bit more. And then they realize that their lives are hollow shells and cry themselves to sleep amidst a pile of cheap plastic.

[@OlagGan]

12:33 - "He must be the King!!" "Why??" "He's not covered in shit like the rest of us"

[@BrokeProductions]

I think the black bar was meant to resemble a blacked out classified word similar to how you see government documents in movies, where they have certain words blacked out

[@Joe90h]

That would be the implication, but what exactly could that one word be that it would require classification? They probably should have made the text longer, and blocked out stuff like names of places and people.

[@twitchytails]

Joe Homer yeah, it doesn't really make sense to redact a single word if the sentence flows perfectly fine without it, especially with the back fo the box being that bland-- they had space to get a little more creative than that.

[@RasputinGamingPC]

Carl Bryant No it wasnt. The black bar was to underline/exemplify (somehow lol) the word "action" which is on the top line of the whole sentence. So reading it will be like "your ultimate ACTION team". At least this is what i think gg.

[@stephenj.mst3kfan836]

Ultimate F#&*ing team is the best. 🤣

[@solgaleo3533]

Ultimate redacted team

[@Un-Bear-ableGaming]

6:57 It's the new Pop Station XD

[@htomerif]

That'll teach me for checking the comments to make sure no one said the thing I was gonna say.

[@KlokJammer]

And it's playing Submarine Invasion.

[@macintalkshow]

"Dressed in his waterproof rain mac and Wellington boots, Orange Beard is a buffet pirate!" Oh. I didn't know you were writing for the J. Peterman catalog.

[@darthvaderbutwayshittier7054]

Bludrok the Kind sounds like a name of warchief from Shadow of Mordor.

[@ryanthegamingkitty8545]

Good God it does,I kinda can imagine having him in my army just for the novelty

[@pmcKANE]

Harrier Attack is brilliant. He's well set for entertainment while beefing his way through the jungles of West Bromwich.

[@ipwnyoudiehaha]

the "War" in War Orcs is the same as the Warcraft font , they've changed it a tiny bit lol

[@WakoDoodle]

HippoButtSecks WARcraft: ORCS and humans. Fun old dos game btw, bootleg seems to forget the humans and the craft

[@CrazyRiverOtter]

"Seems to forget the humans and the craft" That's a pretty good No Man's Sky review.

[@spacemarinebob]

HippoButtSecks the sculpts themselves are even stolen from "Privateer Press Hordes : Legion Warspears, and Warmongers"

[@Direwoof]

seems like were the only people here who play Warmahordes.

[@GrifoPTF]

yep. I started laughing right as I saw it as I'm painting that exact model right now.

[@DinoPon3]

"The Shitty Gibbon" is the best name for a ship

[@Formoka]

I know it’s weird to say, but as a girl who would have traded all my barbies for one action figure, I would have loved to get all of these. I wouldn’t have cared they were cheap.

[@quillbin4065]

1:05 ALDI has really started becoming popular here in the US and the likes of Walmart and Target are forming their own "private label" discount brands like "Market pantry."

[@michaelbianchi22]

LOL, the mayfly was especially funny. Considering they only live 48 hours anyways.

[@poopybutt2824]

Yeah this comment is five years old but that scuba tank looking thing the soldier had is actually exactly that, a scuba tank. I actually got with one of those animal planet play sets with a tiger shark and a boat back in like 2008 from toys r us. Funny seeing reused molds for cheap pound land toys.

[@rabbitguts2518]

After coming back to it I wonder if the bodies for the pirates were originally cast for cowboy figures since the legs turn sideways( as you get for a figure meant to ride on a horse and such)

[@Elder74]

I'm from The Netherlands. I love Ashens his dialect and the way he amuses his audiences. You turn my shitty day into one marvelous day.

[@mutahard1632]

FINALLY it's a about time we had more of these Pound land videos

[@Gapthrosnir]

Hearing you mention the Amstrad version of Harrier Attack really made my day!

[@GreyHulk2156]

Yes, the name of the 'Commando Core' team has been redacted. Nice touch.

[@favoritemustard3542]

@14:08 The easter egg video address is 1azqtnsuf8 ...I think it might be a Mr. Biffo vid? Edit: ah, yes, channel Digitiser which features Ashens occasionally 👍

[@SiGhast]

Ashens cracking himself up is the best.

[@heathery1]

"Sticks his giant halberd thing right up their arse" The motion that went with this made me laugh too loud for way too long 🤣 12:02

[@wolfyboy]

the first orcs backstory or bios is partly the same as the scuba diving figure he reviewed along other animal and human toys. he ALSO got beat up by his parents, for offering his last pieces of bread, to some birds!

[@CraftyApe]

That last orc was actually a really cool design, I feel like the people who design these things should be working for companies who make higher quality toys/action figures

[@MST3Claye]

Came THIS close to saying Big McLargeHuge from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode/movie "Space Mutiny".

[@DodgerFanAD_23]

This made my night ! I always look forward to watching your videos :-)

[@grimreaper3882]

"I never skip hand day"... Oh Stuard, who does...

[@Packager]

"Beefy McMutton!"... classic. I couldn't let that go without adding a laughing track underlying that one.

[@skrenos]

Beefy McBeef's computer is a Popstation playing that sub invasion game.

[@dor-si9145]

This has to be my favorite channel to watch while pooping.

[@colmoe]

War Toys Logo is a ripoff of Suicide Squad style. So, improvement I guess?

[@ttv0]

MoshedZ You could shit on that movie and it would be an improvement

[@papersamurai00]

Thank god for you and Haunted Pete. I was bloody miserable after work, but the horror of a pirate ship disco has shaken that away. XD

[@MrSass-yb7dm]

Dear Ashens it's 23:46. we live in the same city. why aren't you asleep?

[@Cenyth_]

Kristof William Sleep is for the weak.

[@simonmunden5046]

Kristof William same reason you aren't?

[@matthew4528]

Kristof William I wanna live in the same city as Ashens

[@MrSass-yb7dm]

Potato Headass Its a fairly large city. Around 300,000 people live here. I only saw him twice.

[@dennett316]

Because he's not 10?

[@peterclarke7240]

I like Beefy McMutton's tactical cash register.

[@aaronfoster5680]

Good God, that hidden link is a trip. Are...are you okay, Stu?

[@alexharris4440]

Retsof Noraa what is it?

[@badthesolguy4057]

Retsof Noraa Wait, what link? I'm on mobile so I can't see

[@scruffydarealog2632]

Im on mobile and i watched all 12 minutes of it #goujonforpres2020

[@aaronfoster5680]

A URL appears during the "glitch" just before the outro. It leads to a video called "MR BIFFO'S FOUND FOOTAGE: THE AWAKENING".

[@Bootleg_Jones]

If you look at the channel that uploaded the linked video, he's apparently an acquaintance of both Stuart and Guru Larry....

[@ZefVolk]

'Your vol-au-vents or your life!' - Orangebeard 2017

[@TheHollowBodiesBand]

I don't think I've ever been this early to an Ashen's video

[@johnnymoon]

I can’t get the image of a floating, transparent pirate ship blasting disco music out of my head.

[@gizzardlicka]

4:42 Speaking of horribly injuring yourself in a stupid way, me and my fellow students were making a film for video production, and one was a kung-fu master chef, and the other's character was a piss-for-brains trying to learn how to be a chef. So, in the scene, piss-for-brains drops a cylindrical container of rice and the master chef dives for it and catches it. Well, somehow, the actor of the master chef cut his finger wide open when he caught it. A plastic cylinder containing rice, with a not particularly sharp rim.

[@Myserieden]

The Orc designs were quite nice. I even liked the paint scheme. If they'd have been good quality and better painted, I'd have a thought at buying them.

[@trice5425]

The link towards the end of the video is called MR BIFFO'S FOUND FOOTAGE: THE AWAKENING by Digitiser2000

[@CapnHolic]

You are a gentlemen and a scholar. Even at 1/4 speed i wasn't able to catch it after three tries...

[@acidhelm]

If you pause the video, you can press the , and . keys to go backwards and forwards by one frame.

[@MathewHaswell]

All hail Lord Brannigan-7!

[@thcollegestudent]

I know the production cost is stupid high, but I'd love a series of "villains" modeled after backstories crafted by Ashens.

[@C0nnie]

thanks again daddy ashens

[@wolfyboy]

HOLY SHIT!! O.O!! an ashens video, in 1080p??!!

[@GenuinelyJake]

I Have the wierdest craving for Goujon John's goujons right now. I can't explain why...

[@TheBeepbeep2000]

Honestly Athens you are amazingly funny guy a lot of people would not get your humour it's great lol 😄

[@maxscardanelli6185]

TheBeepbeep2000 I never knew Greece was funny. Huh.

[@maltardraco9555]

14:07 What is this video link that briefly flashes on the screen?

[@Joe90h]

I watched the video. I still don't know. I implore you to at least experience it. I feel like I've been touched in my special mind places.

[@wolfyboy]

idk, but the suggestions where a lot of "most creepy/scary found footage" videos, so i didn't watch it.

[@jordandurham8951]

wolfy boy It's HeMan with his nuts out holding a dildo and melting a pig.

[@enigma776]

Its certainly something.

[@wolfyboy]

yeah, i watched it. my brain is numb, and hurts slightly. >.

[@brianartillery]

You had me at 'The Shitty Gibbon'.

[@julianusvatinius4479]

I wonder what trivago Hotel star and price on the shity Gibbon

[@RXBSXBEY-hh8hn]

This lore is beautiful.... Simply beautiful

[@ZXGuesser]

my first thought when you showed Beefy McMutton's package was "Amstrad E-m@iler"

[@DanielKay06]

Hey, since the Easter special is approaching some time soon I could recommend the new giant Kinder Eggs. They are even bigger than the "maxi" sized ones, around here they are about 8€, LOTS of kinder chocolate (220 grams) and the toy inside can actually be quite neat. Popped one open myself and had a little racetrack with a pull back windup car and rather big dinosaur model in it. EDIT: Oddly enough here none of the shops actually have those, it was a hardware store that also carries some foreign sweets that had them. Though the packaging of these are clearly made for a German speaking market so it's not like they are a small niche market one.

[@MiloTheMightyDude]

I tried the link at the end of the video. I have no words.

[@MathewHaswell]

One day, Xenoxxx shall rise once more!

[@michaelparker2449]

You can hear the growl of beast that lerks beneath after I eat a Vindaloo.

[@tomotion]

Pirates of the Caribbean would have been somewhat more humorous if the first film was called "The Curse of the Shitty Gibbon"...

[@shellbacksclub]

"Yaaargh! I have a fire crotch...& not because I have red hair. She burns, she does!"

[@madzhead689]

That second commando core figure looked more like David Schwimmer to me

[@knexguy139]

omg, this is the funniest poundland figure special ever!

[@DuckBoy187]

Guys... I think Steve Wozniak is after me.

[@CarrotConsumer]

RIP

[@bucwhovian8305]

My quote would be "that Dr Who Christmas special made about as much sense a cheese on a birthday cake"

[@saphardic]

We is gonna stomp da universe flat and kill anyfink that fights back. we're da Orks, and was made ta fight and win.

[@vali6717]

Emma Leech Ere we go, ere we go, ere we go through the cosmos...

[@IanC14]

WAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!

[@V-grandraccoon]

The bit about the 2015 Christmas special was hilarious

[@EddieHawkinsII]

Haunted Pete looks like the result of Robert Z'Dar of Maniac Cop and a Goomba from the Mario Bros. movie having hateful, angry sex, then he got a Glasgow smile.

[@TommyDeonauthsArchives]

EddieHawkinsII Maybe Ashens should be in one of the Lonely Goomba's Q&A sometime?

[@ripzoh169]

is it just me or does good old Beefy look like Brick Bazooka from the 1995 movie Small Soldiers??

[@robbiesteele9552]

It's a tarp!

[@erikthepirate8068]

3:26 It's a Zombie Pirate!

[@regina_phalange]

Ah yes, Beefy McMutton, American cousin of the great Scottish barber in Peurto Pollo, Haggis'Heart-Liver-And-Kidneys-Boiled-In-The-Stomach-Of-The-Animal' McMutton.

[@SecretAgentNein]

Regina Phalange But does Beefy share Haggis' talent for singing?

[@Hyperbuzz10]

We're about to get a Lidl here in Virginia, should be interesting

[@lazorize]

i refuse

[@ailma0400]

lazorize Is that a JoJo reference??

[@Solwiz]

Leni Hates Everything maybe.

[@steamyjungleman]

he's haunted by sad memories, happy times and days gone by. Happy times when Beefy loved him.

[@childeater7327]

Make a animation out of those back stories

[@Morgan02]

Thanks for mentioning soap ashens R.I.P

[@v.m.9198]

why is brook from one piece at poundland and why is he blonde

[@gawni1612]

omg Ashen you nailed the pirate accent!!

[@TechyBen]

I saw a 18 inch Kirk Cobain figure... :P

[@wolfcaliburRX]

TechyBen Is this a joke or are you being serious about the name?

[@TechyBen]

Kurk Cobain... spelling mistake was mine, not theirs. But a strange choice for a figurine... I should have probably purchased it and ebayed it to double my money. :P

[@schalkespringer]

Kurt is what you're looking for

[@kaylajervis898]

love your videos :)

[@raimeundersn3177]

Daddy ashen, you can plunge and pillage me any day

[@OrangeyChocolate]

I never thought I needed to see a hipster orc king until now.

[@elio44]

Hey Ashens check out my band, we play commandocore

[@SakuraAvalon]

Christy An' Bale the new hit sitcom.

[@SiGhast]

You also reacted to his pronunciation then?

[@FriendlyNeighbourhoodPigeon]

Is it just me, or is the logo on the pirate figures a ripoff of "The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists!"?

[@ohmanthatguy2443]

6:10 reminds me of Jack from Tekken....thumbs up.

[@cheis7208]

I'm really early

[@malcolmboyd3467]

Hyrule_Warrior 93 you're on time

[@Cenyth_]

Malcolm Boyd You are indeed on the money.

[@kackers]

"...the Shitty Gibbon..."

[@punksqrlz]

Anyone notice the dab at 10:50 ?

[@maxscardanelli6185]

Benji Fox I thought that I was the only one.

[@cringe_boi.mp4]

holy crap the only channel that doesn't have a app store

[@culwin]

The censored word is meant to symbolize Hillary's emails

[@culwin]

I hope he gets impeached, convicted, and imprisoned.

[@maxscardanelli6185]

The Clintons are actual war criminals. Whereas Trump isn't. Do your research. 🙄🤦🏼‍♂️

[@mr.sinister2029]

Max Scardanelli bro hanging on Alex Jones every word isn't research.

[@ayylmao1455]

Wow American politics in a video of an English man playing with shite action figures.

[@neko_nyx_777]

LOL every toy has a quote!!! 😂😂😂😂

[@Ulfhedhner]

Ashens, You should pop into that local-based toy shop in town (you'll know the one I mean) sometime and review some of the tat action figures they have too. Where the stairs are, walk up a couple and look right on the wall, there's some amazing ones ;)

[@SADCOCK1970]

In case you were wondering, those red spots on your arms are known as Campbell de Morgan spots. Benign collections of small blood vessels.

[@jenimurray001]

Already trying to guess what you're gonna have on your easter special!!! 😂😂😂

[@devo076]

Hilarious episode, and great outro!