POV: you grew up with an emotionally explosive parent

[@SarmHart]

And when you start to heal with the people you used to you bend over backwards for, they call you cruel, or defensive or uncompassionate because you’re not their punching bag anymore.

[@susanmercurio1060]

My son, who was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, told me, "Mom, you've become really selfish in your old age." And I said, "Yes, I have! Isn't it wonderful?"😊

[@sonja_rademacher]

Thats why we have to leave after we healed and understood what they did to us. There is no other way.

[@tamika853]

This 👏!!!!! I've recently started to identify and heal past trauma and had a friend tear into me saying that she hated how i would freeze up and dissociate when she "corrected" me because it made HER feel bad and that she's "sorry that I felt that way", to freeze up. And when she asked and I explained that it's a subconscious reaction due to past trauma she called me a victim. This was when I realized that it was time to end the friendship. The old me would never freeze up but keep smiling through her insults and remain friendly. Now that I'm stricter about the energy others give me I'm not tolerating severe disrespect. So it's like when I identify it I subconsciously freeze up to process what happened and move forward. I've been doing a lot of inner work recently and only now realized the subtle emotional abuse that was taking place over the years of our friendship. And now that I'm standing up to it she doesn't like that it makes her feel bad. Imagine that. It's so absurd that I still cannot believe it. A "friend" getting angry with you for a subconscious reaction to protect yourself (dissociating)that's rooted in past trauma and instead of trying to improve their own obvious issues they attack and attempt to make you feel like you're flawed in some way, that you're imagining things and then claiming that what they say is said with love to help you and your SUBCONSCIOUS reactions hurt them. If that's not a flaming red flag I don't know what is....

[@tamika853]

​@@sonja_rademacherI agree 100%. Leaving is the only way because most times, these people do not want to change. They are content as they are and you pointing it out triggers them and they then attack you. Your new boundaries are now their trigger and they will tear into you and do anything to run away from the fact that they also need to heal. When you heal you save yourself and maybe your absence will make them realize that something is wrong with them. When you stay and try to help them you only enable them because they will think that it isn't so bad because you're still around.

[@wendygroothedde]

Yes your not a floor mat anymore

[@Tadwinked]

People wonder why I'm afraid of my dad when he, "seems so nice." And he is nice, plenty of the time, but it doesn't erase a childhood of walking on eggshells because I never knew what would set him off.

[@Ginabina76]

Same.💙

[@ravenraven966]

Yes...same here too❤

[@louiselea8695]

Me too

[@Ginabina76]

Were all your dads in the military?

[@Tadwinked]

@@Ginabina76 No, he just had a bad childhood.

[@phoenix_rising1375]

You can also turn into an emotionally explosive adult due to this coping behavior because you hold so much in and never get your needs met or advocate for yourself 😢❤

[@margaretestrella2862]

My mom was explosive and still is. I recently had an explosive argument with someone I cared about. I just yelled at him without knowing the facts. He stopped talking to me and I miss him but I think he is right for doing it. I realized I learned this from my mom and need to just step away from any relationship until I can learn how to stop the cycle and not contribute to a toxic environment.

[@mookymookymooo]

Amen

[@epynephrine]

Lol me. My dad was an explosive anger type guy, I hate him a lot. But I was taught to suppress my anger and to basically be fine with not fine things. So yeah, now I'm explosive too 🙃 I'm trying to heal but it's hard finding out how not to explode with anger or frustration. I always feel really bad after 🙂

[@phoenix_rising1375]

@margaretestrella2862 I completely understand that level of reactivity because I've been through it myself. The fact that you are self aware enough to notice and take accountability for your behavior because you don't want to hurt people you love speaks volumes . Just don't isolate yourself too much. You deserve love and respect too. It's also important to remember if you find that someone is repeatedly triggering you to react even after you have communicated your needs and boundaries (in my case many many times) then they are not someone you need in your life. ❤️

[@HawkQueen1]

Glad somebody mentioned this. My mom is emotionally explosive and has to win every argument. I didn’t realize I was doing the same thing until I started therapy. I’ve now realized that she would reward that type of behavior so I thought I was doing the right thing by yelling at others and being confrontational 😫😢

[@wednesdayjill9241]

constantly having to be so strong and independent because your brain was trained not to be vulnerable and that needing help of any sort was a shameful act ://

[@Ms.K305]

Bingo.

[@yvonnes7412]

Oh this one hit home for me! ❤ And then as an adult woman, having men always shaming me for being so independent-like they think I’m less of a woman. It’s crazy-making. But I can’t let go of my independent nature. I love having a “partner” in life but I won’t let them control anything that I need to survive like my home or my money. This has saved me from being financially ruined and “stuck” multiple times. So no regrets. 😂😂😂 The only power I trust is God… I just don’t want to rely on any person.

[@genesis577]

I don't understand how being strong and independent leads to shame. I too can relate to having to be strong and independent in order to survive. We not only survived we are also thriving because what was intended to destroy us only made us stronger in order to live an overcoming life. God bless you in Jesus name amen.

[@autumn5852]

@@genesis577being strong and independent in itself doesn’t lead to shame, but if it’s a response to childhood trauma then the moment we need help, as we all do, we feel shame for being so weak and vulnerable that we need help. Maybe this is where some of us get labelled as ‘pushing people away’ from. Our subconscious instinct that needs to always be vigilant maybe subconsciously pushes people away who try to help us, as that’s a sign we’re weak. But the people who ‘try’ to help us, are the ones who drove us to needing help in the first place. And I think I’ve just realised that I think I simply repeated the patterns of my parents, with my child. Which makes sense because when we’re in these dysfunctional families, we’re powerless to not play our role, which for many of us is the scapegoat. You can’t heal or change anything until you walk away.

[@Equitywaters749]

Same 😔😭

[@lindseyjames6971]

Whoa who else feels seen for the first time?

[@victoriagolston7514]

Oh no im so sorry about that

[@bradysmama]

✋️

[@annasparrow6379]

Sorry for the reply a month+ later but same here

[@maslnaa]

🙌 my dad explodes at me randomly and makes me feel completely worthless then comes back around an hour later trying to ‘apologize’. he’s done it my whole life and living with him has been a nightmare because he refuses to self reflect and take responsibility for his actions.

[@daniesavage]

Meeeeeeeee 😅

[@jennmullins1063]

The thing about being called too sensitive or dramatic for bringing up any concern is a big one for me. So used to being gaslit or invalidated and disregarded/minimized that i sometimes catch myself doing the same thing to myself.

[@lisasantucci8220]

EXACTLY! "TOO SENSITIVE" Is a BIG Trigger for me. Agree with all the above. Sounds like I wrote it myself.

[@jennmullins1063]

@@lisasantucci8220 it's definitely a big trigger for me too. Every time it just makes me feel invalidated all over again, even when that's not the intent of the person saying it.

[@isabelalder9998]

@@jennmullins1063 I can relate but I've learned to just let them think or believe what they want to. We are just wasting energy on worrying about their reactions. I've also become more confident in myself & realize that it is just their problem if they think I'm too sensitive or wrong for whatever reason. Hope that makes sense & doesn't sound arrogant either! 🙏🌷

[@deborahpharaoh4505]

❤

[@irinagevorgyan9121]

Big time!!!! I hear this all the time and every time I feel myself getting emotional over small things, I get so mad at myself and try to stop getting upset. Honestly this entire video feels like me unfortunately but particularly that part because I have always been am emotional person.

[@katec6890]

Please expand on this emotionally explosive parent topic. This really hits close to home

[@jennmullins1063]

I second this

[@melimelon8]

Same here

[@beatrizr9673]

Agreed

[@towanda2947]

Me too😢

[@pippip4586]

And me 😊

[@amys0482]

They don't even have to be explosive, just emotionally immature and invalidating. I do all of this.

[@PaigeSquared]

Yeah my mom can *usually* keep her cool but we still know when she is furious. As an adult, situations have become more intense. There is a sense of entitlement to control.

[@bonnieromick9397]

This was my childhood every day. Your either a master de- escalator or your harmed. You learn quick. Smooze agree, pacify, apologize whatever calms them , your a child

[@margaretestrella2862]

My mom is an emotionally explosive parent. She has messed up my room with the tantrums she has had. She has hit me and threatened to slash my tires if I left the house. I am now living with my grandparents now. I'm such a pushover that I do anything for people because I am scared of saying no and making them upset with me.

[@nikki1400]

That's called people pleasing! It's a trauma response, and you're in good company. It's exhausting always bending over backwards for everyone isn't it? And the over explaining for fear you'll be misunderstood and blamed? Woof. Im super happy you're out of that terrible environment, and if you're ever interested therapy can help give you a different perspective so you can learn to adjust and adapt to not be so debilitated by this behavior.

[@LisaCSCO]

❤ I never had kids because of my parents were like that, among 1000 other things. I always wondered if I would be a good foster parent to a child/teen who went thru the same thing and needs a home compared to a foster parent who didnt have a bad childhood?

[@washingtonroad6738]

Sorry this has happened. Please take care of yourself and consider trauma-informed therapy.

[@Joy6168]

@@LisaCSCOI’ve also not had kids for the same reason, and asked myself the same question.

[@Ironorchids]

Both of my parents were emotionally explosive, my mother still is. Nearly a decade in therapy, behavioral classes, and thousands of dollars to keep myself from ending up the same way. As soon as I recognized my mother’s behaviors “creeping in” to my personality at age 24, I did what I could to course correct. I am fucking terrified of ending up like my parents. Ending up like the miserable waste of skin that gave birth to me is my number one nightmare. Thanks for posting this, it’s important that people recognize the bad patterns others have placed upon them. Then if you want to change, you have to reteach yourself better emotional regulation… it’s so expensive and hard to be raised by people with no control 😢

[@Friggsdottir]

She wasn't a waste because you are here.

[@edainari]

My dad has a horrific temper. The strange thing is, somehow he convinced all of us he was the happy-go-lucky one and my mom was the one with the inability to control her emotions. Yeah, she has copious issues of her own, including shredding us kids without warning, but I just want people to know that sometimes the instigating parent can effectively manipulate reality so the look like an angel. Until I started my healing journey, this short absolutely described me. Sometimes it still does, but it's getting better

[@matcha.melange]

You might find the book "why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft an interesting read. It's available to read for free online

[@divineg0ddess]

Whew. Grew up with an emotionally explosive father so this was definitely me. So grateful to be doing the deeper healing to transform these patterns.

[@ede2362]

Same I still have hardships accepting that I did go through trauma because I feel like my problems couldve been worse but when I remember stuff I know, I know that is has been so far from a normal childhood

[@tlc2741]

What kind of healing is helping you?

[@divineg0ddess]

@@ede2362 I feel that and problems could always be worse but that doesn’t/shouldnt invalidate what you feel and experienced. especially because what you experienced was far from normal. Two things can be true - it could’ve been worse and it was still fucked up. Give yourself grace along the way. I’m still working through it too 💛

[@FabulousCucumber-ip9hu]

Yep, constantly apologising, minimising oneself, even to bullies, trying desperately to stop the boat rocking when someone else is being unreasonable, taking on the responsibility of someone else's feelings, placing yourself as the figure of blame....

[@sarahjmount9221]

Your messages always hit home. I’ve reacted and behaved in every way the woman does in the video, exactly, and more; since I was a very little girl until more than half of my life was over. I’ve felt as though I needed to apologize for being alive, as well. It’s because of you and those like you that have channels on KZbin about complex trauma and its devastating lasting effects on its survivors that I was finally made aware of what my affliction was my entire life. I was misunderstood, misdiagnosed, medicated improperly all by the mental health care community on and off for 36 yrs. Not only were they of no help at all but they made my life even worse. I even tried communicating with some of them that I felt I was severely traumatized and so forth but they never listened. KZbin was the catalyst for starting my recovery process over a year and a half ago. I finally have a therapist who specializes in trauma. I even text her some of your videos from time to time and she appreciates them. Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge. Much appreciation for spreading awareness about CPTSD. ❤

[@barbaravieira2239]

F.Y.I. the DSM used in the United States of America and the UK doesn't include Complex P.T.S.D. Therefore you and I have been DX with misleading labels.

[@sarahjmount9221]

@@barbaravieira2239 I KNOW! Think of how many people are being misdiagnosed or numbed out on medications they don’t need or are potentially harmful to them all because the majority of the mental health care field doesn’t consider CPTSD a real mental disorder; or even know anything about it. We don’t even have the time to discuss how wrong that is.

[@jacquelinemcandie3131]

Me too ❤

[@cameojh8341]

Pete Walker books are good too. Also, the Crappy Childhood Fairy on KZbin. She has videos with subjects that others don't really cover much that might pertain to you as well. If you like energy healing or are interested, there are C-PTSD reiki healing KZbin videos also. Best wishes on your healing! 🙏💖

[@sarahjmount9221]

@@barbaravieira2239 Yes, exactly. We have been.

[@louandbarb]

I always get a lump in my throat watching these videos. They are so spot on.

[@nancy5821]

Same here 😭. No child should ever feel unsafe in their own home. None!

[@peacerun]

Yes. This is me but it was from both having one parent who was explosive and the other who was passive aggressive and you would get pay back later when you least expected it.

[@Ms.K305]

“You’re so easy going and laid back!” “yeah, it’s a self-defense mechanism, apparently.” I’m trying to unlearn the emotionally immature way adults reacted to my emotions and needs as a kid. Had this epiphany like 2 days ago. 36 years and still peeling those layers!

[@skmo1004]

My dad was very emotionally explosive. He’s definitely gotten better, due in no small part to me inheriting his stubbornness and pushing back on it, but I also know he get it from his parents and is leagues better than them in every capacity. All this to say I’m hoping to continue the trend of doing better than the previous generation, and fostering a home where my kids feel safe expressing their emotions

[@adalokken437]

Your words are just like mine. It was rough yet understand the generational healing journey. Glad to work it through and release now... breaking the old patterns. Transforming into ❤

[@theonejokeking3191]

I became emotionally explosive in response actually. I saw others who simply allowed it and thought that they were making things very unsafe, so I stepped in to counter it and now I’m the unsafe person as an adult. I don’t know how to control it.

[@Wednesdaywoe1975]

Oh honey,get help before it destroys you. You deserve peace.

[@Its_another_bird]

As someone that used to have similar issues, I'm sending strength and healing your way 💚 the thing(s?) that helped me most was learning + finding that I could trust myself (and building that inner trust up as groundwork) and my abilities to adapt and persevere. also, letting myself understand my "fight mode" self and thanking that aspect for keeping me alive. I wanted to survive, to be heard, to be protected, and I was let down by every single person around me growing up. never protected, had to become fire to keep any intrusion away, even if it was well intentioned. That fiery self has a righteous anger at atrocities and desires for retribution, and--for my journey at least--I was able to more seamlessly integrate it into my whole self once I learned how to view it with empathy. The guilt and shame made it so hard at first, but I ended up letting myself get fed up and angry at how the world holds people to unfair "one bad action = an irredeemable stain and permanent tallymark of worth and Goodness" standards 😆 that part sent me into the most severe existential crisis of my life, as it meant finally abolishing that "Good or Evil" black and white rigid system I had set up within myself (credit to religious trauma lol). For me, trying to banish the anger and rage caused more rage within myself, as I was just continuing a cycle of silencing myself and not bearing witness to the most harmed and indignant parts of myself. Oh, and I don't have any formal "splits/divides/multiples" in a DID sort of way, just very sequestered and boxed/locked off parts of myself that are now more fluidly and stably present or able to be brought out in healthier/more sustainable ways. Idk how similar the healing process would be for someone(s) further on the dissociative slider, as it were oh and I have a BIG history with being horrifically gaslit, so traditional "convince yourself things are okay now" made things worse. like, no, I need to do a whole replicable and tested scientific report to verify safety lol! "you're safe now because you escaped the bad" is BS. sadly the bad-bad ended up finding me again, and I always figured it would despite my best efforts. BUT! I am safe now because I trust I can still get through everything, respond to issues appropriately, and brute force my way to get more help. And I was finally able to start making friends and connections with people who like me for me, and I know I communicate thoroughly and considerately, and most importantly, without all the blackout reactivity and defensive harm I used to. Your fight is valid, your anger is allowed to exist, and it deserves rest and support and safety just as all the rest of you does. In times of active survival, learning how to channel and work consciously with your fight is a strength :) I'm still working at better integrating and allowing proper emotional flow within myself, and I still can improve a lot, but it's ENTIRELY different from even just 4 or 5 years back. super rambly due to being bedridden from an awful sinus infection lol, but maybe something there helps :) i had to figure out a lot of this on my own, which sucked LOL 😭

[@tlc2741]

Therapy, maybe someone who specializes in this? If you go to psychology today’s website, you can search for a therapist (remote, in person etc) with different specializations

[@theonejokeking3191]

@@tlc2741 I was in therapy for most of my life. My parents are therapists. I stopped working with my therapist of five years a year ago because I found out my mom was discussing all of my appointments with her and that I was being diagnosed with things based on suggestions from my mom. Because she knows all of the local therapists locally either personally or by proxy I have not been able to get a therapist. I’m waiting until I’m able to afford going to someone who specializes in what I need help with and is it least an hour away. I was also gaslit a lot starting in childhood, so therapy is dicey because I don’t have a strong sense of who I am outside of suggestions. Therapy has been greatly weaponized in my life unfortunately-and I am a HUGE advocate of therapy with the proper professionals. For context, I am 33 and have been on my own since I was 19, so it’s wildly inappropriate and out there that my mother was involved with my therapy sessions. Even though it’s wildly inappropriate regardless as I did not consent to any of it, they were just hanging out as friends and discussing me at length the entire time, I am very accustomed to extreme boundary pushing so in my head, if my mom contributed in any way to my responsibilities or if I was younger, I wouldn’t feel comfortable stating that she had crossed boundaries. When I was younger she crossed lines to the point of having me diagnosed as bipolar and being put on disability against my consent. It totally stopped me from joining the military at the time. She personally called them and said I was crazy and couldn’t. It sounds nuts, like I’m nuts, so imagine how it sounds to local professionals who know my mother as a fellow professional who appears very friendly and professional and gets along with everyone. I can’t get bipolar off my charts even though I’m not at all. Therapy is just a way to gaslight and confuse me further until I can afford to go out of town and pay for a very specialized and experienced person. I do not trust therapists at all at this point in my life. And I hate that.

[@theonejokeking3191]

@@tlc2741 I did start looking on psychology today a year ago and trying to find someone far away who’d work with me remotely, but for the first time in my life I don’t want someone else figuring out what’s “wrong” with me. I simply know this, I behave in a very abusive and volatile and erratic manner with others and although it’s not all the time, it happens a lot and it’s consistent. I have been in therapy since I was four. And my mom was dating men who were fresh out of prison for SA but I was the problem. I’m getting pissed off even thinking about it. This is where I start getting into an abusive mindset. I become enraged about injustice, decide I’m not the problem, and then begin thinking entirely without empathy for others. The people targeted by me in this space are not the people I am unbelievably angry with, but in my mind everyone becomes a potential predator in disguise and I begin to see and interpret all of their behaviors as such. I genuinely don’t know if therapy will work at all for me right now because of how angry the idea of me being the problem and needing yet another professional makes me. But at the same time I know how much of a problem I am. It’s WILDLY confusing.

[@coreyblackburn9953]

The opinion issue sounds exactly like me. I was never really asked what I wanted and if I did it felt like I would always give the "wrong" answer so now I am extremely indecisive.

[@Travelling_with_my_dog]

68 years old, and I STILL feel guilty and upset if I disagree with someone even a little (even if I keep the disagreement to myself). I physically shake after voicing my opinion. Luckily, meditation, reflection, therapy, and LOTS of journaling allow me to step back from myself and watch myself with compassion. I learned long ago to recognize shame as it arises, and how disproportionate it's always been in my mind.

[@4Big6]

I like these videos. They be having me crying. It be hitting right at home. You never know how messed up you are until you realize you are that person. It’s the unspoken effect of trauma. Healing is not easy but is it worth the peace.

[@dorothy9898]

Take your time sweet heart ❤️ I know you will rise to the top. I spent 40 years in hell and I am FREE! You are on the right track now and that's all you need to know. Love you

[@Ginabina76]

Only thing missing for me was the over explaining everything and my father running through the house like the aliens were invading if i accidentally dropped something or made too loud of a noise.💙

[@luciawallvazquez5361]

I feel ya

[@luciawallvazquez5361]

Same. But with a mom

[@Ginabina76]

@@luciawallvazquez5361 my mother had her own issues. Being raised by someone like my dad and a severely narcissistic mother surely made me a therapist's dream client. Im sorry. I know what its like💙

[@luciawallvazquez5361]

@@Ginabina76 🙏🙏🙏 God bless us. He knows what we've been through... Sending Big hugs for you ❤️ thanks for sharing a bit of your story

[@theinvisibleswordsman1196]

Just a relief to find others like me.

[@salvadormuro7346]

You don’t just help me understand myself but my friends growing up and nowadays. It really helps to see how and why some friends were the way they were and why I was the way I was. Just wow. Thank you. Can you do a few videos on adhd? The stigma isn’t fully gone but what I’ve learned being diagnosed has been really helpful not too be too hard on myself for having a different brain. I just hate looking lazy, hate not being able to communicate when I’m stimulated or depressed. The energy fluctuating, the constant buzz or zombieness. It’s fickle and I think a lot of us would find it useful to see your take/skit on it. My dad is Mexican so having an adhd child was difficult for him and me 😅 things in my life are better now tho. My mom has adhd. Was hard to be around being homeschooled/no schooled. Maybe something on that too? It wasn’t as understood in my moms gen so the coping and lifestyle difference is stark from nowadays.

[@dididahye3586]

I relate to this so much, especially the part of feeling ashamed of voicing my true wants/needs/desires and being super agreeable

[@Rosalie-ct8mi]

Me too, I was never able to voice my need/wants/desires as my mother decided everything for me!

[@stephfudge690]

Both of my parents were, but my mom and her entire side of the family were the worst about it. I, myself, have become both a people pleaser AND emotionally explosive because of this.

[@NootalieWalf]

Out of all the shorts, this one did it. This one made me cry. This is me.

[@Conscious59]

Dr. Lepera! You are not only helping millions of ppl, you are such a great comedic actress!!!! lol!!! I super-love how u incorporate humor into this very painful experience! It really holds up the mirror to our faulty programming! Thank God, there is hope for healing!! Many thanks!! I always love your YT videos - I never miss one!

[@TakeBackYourMind997]

Understand yourself so you can help your partner understand you. Self awareness and understanding of each other will increase patience and empathy in a relationship, and make working through problems a lot easier.

[@sherine9033]

I teared up. I never realized that anyone else could also be like this except me. I always aspired to be a doctor but I've been suppressing it and I don't think it'll ever be possible again.

[@leanne123]

Start with one course. Biology 30. It's just a prerequisite but it will give you a taste of what that path will look and feel like so you can decide if you love it enough to devote the time and money into this field. You can always take it in stages too. First become an EMT or LPN. Then a RN and eventually a doctor of medicine if you chose to continue. Hint: surgeons make around a million dollars a year. They work for it, but it is a very rewarding and fulfilling career.

[@JeanneCraft-gd6kr]

Wow! That is so on point! Sadly, because there are many people who are insensitive and lacking compassion I still find myself apologizing sometimes for my sensitivity to others outburst and unpredictable volatile nature when really I shouldn't have to apologize they should be apologizing for their bad behavior. But sadly, even some of the people I would have considered my closest friends, are lacking compassion and understanding about my cptsd and say things like oh no negativity today don't want to ruin my mom's birthday and things along that line. It's like someone sticking the knife in all over again so I am learning to either cut those type of people out of my life completely or seriously limit the amount of time I spend around them. I mean seriously if they had gone through something traumatic I would be doing everything I could to help them and to be sensitive to to them when I'm around them but they can't seem to muster the kindness to do so for me. At this point in my life I don't need people like that

[@isabelalder9998]

Yes, I can totally relate to all of these submissive traits. Thank God it is never too late to become aware & work on stronger traits.

[@Lyrielonwind]

I only missed the over sharing and the over explaining part. Almost if I should apologize I'm alive and breathing and giving reasons for people to understand me and not blow up like an strombolian vulcano 😢

[@momo90416]

I would say"how do you know (me)?" ...but I know how you know. Very accurate 🙏

[@TwinMama828]

Well damn…now I know why I say sorry extensively. I thought it was a millennial thing when it actually was toxic mothers.

[@jclyntoledo]

Okay I totally related especially with the part where that one person asks them if they ever need to talk they are here for them and the challenging their opinions one 😂😭. Oh and the asking about failed attempts at careers or past career goals, it just feels so terrible to remember and talk about it 🥲.

[@exploringim6191]

I hope we get more of the child-parents shorts soon! I adore those ones!

[@kittydavis1620]

Makes so much sense now... doing my best to cope and learn different...

[@JD-qn5le]

You are helping me heal so much. I am truly grateful for you.

[@ReneeB-mz9cx]

You brought up all the right points so i totally agree 😃

[@dianeatpeace337]

😂 💯

[@Jean-g4d4g]

Yeah. She starts to demean and criticize her self. These kind of relationships are psychologically bad for an already low self-esteem. Poor support system. Picking at her and pointing out her flaws and then faking compassion.

[@rachellobello]

There's always a seed of familiarity in all of these videos but this is the only one that made me cry.

[@Jessica-ee1pl]

I never felt ashamed for wanting to be a fashion/accessories designer, but i always felt like i couldn’t see the bigger picture for myself and i grew up in a very explosive house with 2 parents like that and also abuse on that

[@ericramirez1438]

Every video i have seen so far from your channel have resonated with me. 😮

[@Claudia-lq3ns]

OMG, I totally feel put on the spot. Yes, this is all me 💯 and my mother was EXPLOSIVE. So much her father used to say "you're scaring me the way you are yelling at her."

[@clairebattersby6340]

Sometimes I get annoyed with myself that I can’t stand up for myself or disagree with those in authority, overly apologize and often convince others (along with myself) that I’m fine, when I’m not.

[@Underneath.It.All.]

I used to apologize for every single thing! Healing and recovery has changed that! ❤

[@amandalynn6663]

The last one made me realize this is ME! Rewatched it and realized they're all me. 🥺

[@donnaneuschwander6660]

Wow. The first one hit hard! I watched it over and over. Thank you for helping me heal.

[@freshstrt3140]

Your acting... i mean, its palpable, the reality of the lense you are presenting. Bless you all, who are healing Bless us aLL 🙏🏽

[@hollyjones4714]

Yep, especially the whole avoiding conflict and confrontation thing

[@nathalieduverna6963]

This helps me heal and then helps me realize how much I've healed already. Thank you for your content

[@katemsmith1011]

parents told me being a writer wasnt a real job even though they knew i had the talent… i havent wrote since i was 11, now 24 everytime i tried over the years i could never tap into that side of me the same way again

[@kimedison6677]

Please write..

[@namedrop721]

Write anything, write ‘parents are poopyheads’ 50 times until you want to write something else Write where no one else will see. Write things where others get the credit. Write anonymously. But please write. Anything.

[@StephieGsrEvolution]

The irony is that good writing is so important for so many jobs! I wonder if finding a professor/writer to mentor you would help.

[@katemsmith1011]

its crazy that we find more support from strangers in a comment section than we do from our own family 🥹 thank you guys so much it really means a lot to me 😭

[@katec6890]

Please Write!

[@mackenziemoore4803]

Oooo this hit home. Here's a trauma dump. A short while ago, maybe a few months, I was pulled over just enjoying peace and quiet. A man came up to my car and asked me to perform a sex act. TWICE. I politely told him no, and he seems offended with my response. I immediately began to shake and cry while I drove home. The whole incident left me shaken up. I went home to tell my mum, all on the verge on tears. She tells me it's no big deal, happens all the time it's not a big deal. I shut down so fast. It's no wonder I don't tell anyone anything. Fastest dismissal I've ever felt to my core.

[@heyyayyo]

It was a huge deal! So sorry this happened to you and her reaction was absolutely wrong. Take care of yourself. Best wishes!

[@TeresaHart2009]

I so can relate and I'm always saying sorry for things that aren't even my fault I'm trying to stop doing that

[@Equitywaters749]

This just looks like my life 💯 It was helpful to see it from a outer perspective... 💯

[@RakuRadio]

100% ! I used to be so confused and confounded when anyone said I could talk about things if I wanted.

[@JessAnonymous]

Being able to recognize yourself in this and the progress and growth from it is amazing. Really proud of myself ❤

[@FranklinMbijiwemendes]

Exactly thing that has been happening in my life, until people found me stupid, when I'm not

[@leanne123]

People can be so ignorantly judgemental. They always get their opinions completely wrong. Assuming things immediately and believing them. Forget about what they think and allow yourself to just be you. That is plenty good enough. Plant yourself in a different garden and you will grow instead of wither. How you are treated depends on the people in your environment. It has nothing to do with you. I'd they think you are dumb because of your trauma responses then they lack maturity and the ability to see great value in each of us. You are much more than your trauma responses but I'd they chose to focus on that aspect of you then they are missing the good stuff. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@ShaunMahabeer]

I’m healing since I realised in 2019 and I’ve made immense progress, and yet still discover that there’s more healing to go ❤

[@karabartley]

"I used to, but that was a silly idea" ouch. You learn to go without.

[@jessicapatton2688]

It’s been my experience. I to this day hate conflict. I have a strong tendency to avoid.

[@austincde]

Every time I disagree with somebody I feel myself slowly shrinking 💀💀💀

[@Joy6168]

This was how I became a laidback people-pleaser growing up.

[@jfdc8432]

Totally relate. Good to observe that in action. Thx

[@Bubbles-kk9zs]

Cries in the now because it's SOOOO true. 😭

[@TheLillipuss]

😢☹️ Thabk you for opening our eyes to the thoughts & emotions behind the words ❤

[@ellenmorse8559]

It was a lifetime learning process to be able to say: NO! I don’t want that! or to assert strong boundaries. To say it without explanation or apology. It is like an atrophied muscle one has to exercise. 😅

[@ebynful]

I really love how your videos are spot on. I understand that you are a therapist and it may be more of an invitation to get in touch with you but I wish some of them came with, at least, a "first aid" of a sort or some extent of solution, where applicable

[@caseyarmstrong3542]

😭😭😭 truthfully this is me. I cannot connect with anyone.

[@towanda2947]

Aww dang it I'll chat with you! DM if you want. I understand what you feel ✨🎶✌️❤️😎

[@caseyarmstrong3542]

@@towanda2947 ❤️

[@Smile.111.]

LOVE her videos!! So helpful. Thank you for your time making these vids 🙏🏻💗

[@dottydavis]

I feel less alone. I have such a struggle with forming my own opinion and voicing it

[@savannahbarros5059]

This is unfortunately relatable

[@chanellebetty]

Wow! Everything makes so much sense now!🤯

[@yvonnes7412]

I was the youngest though, so I learned that if I didn’t fight back, I would just get crushed. So I was a scrappy fighter from a young age. I have no hesitation to tell someone they’re wrong and exactly why. And as an adult, I’ve had to learn not to be overly sensitive (ppl are usually not intentionally offensive) and also to not dwell on incidents or overreact. I’m sure I received more abuse because I fought back, but it was the only way to preserve myself mentally. And I’ve always been the most psychologically healthy person in my family, so I think it helped… even though it was not a perfect reaction… As an adult, if you have those abusive thoughts in your head-fight back! Tell those thoughts why they’re wrong and what part of hell they can go to! 😅

[@maslnaa]

my dad and his explosive immaturity has turned me into a shell of who i wanted to be when i grow up because i spent my childhood masking myself trying to keep his approval and avoid pissing him off. I spent so much energy and effort appeasing him that i never had enough for myself. the worst thing is he’s so willfully ignorant about the toll he’s taken on my life and pretends he never did anything wrong and that, when he did, he apologized and i should be over it according to him.

[@whowearereally6494]

O M G I agree with you - you brought up all the proper points that comes out of my mouth all the time-❤😂🎉😢

[@siennaprice1351]

“I’m fine. It’s not a big deal. It’s not the end of the world. Besides, it could be worse.” This is the stuff I say to myself all the time. As someone who is completely blind, on the autism spectrum and has CPTSD, I was taught to bottle up my emotions. But I was also shamed for not speaking up if something was bothering me. And this was done by my stepmom. She was very explosive towards everyone in the house. I forgive my stepmom for the pain she put me through. But now I need to forgive myself for it. My anger is mainly directed inward towards myself. But one thing I’ve stopped is the explosive temper. I use my coping skills to help prevent it from going any further. But I also use them to push the emotions down. And don’t worry, I never use drugs or alcohol as coping tools. The ones I use are all healthy ones, but I do use them to also distract myself from feeling my emotions.

[@joannaritchot3239]

Not just an explosive parent but a judgemental one.

[@JjBianca]

This video gets me emotional

[@miketyson_420]

sometimes I think I’m the opposite of these things. like, I do feel like a burden, but I’m gonna fight for myself and my validation because nobody else will and I know that. maybe I’m just stubborn.

[@daraledet542]

Wow. Thank you for these videos. I see myself ..

[@antipathy.and.antimony]

I felt every bit of this

[@EnergyreaderempathMary]

The best thing to do with these type of parents is not say anything just be invisible. That’s what I’ve learned to do. Sit there like a pretty doll and the verbal abuse.

[@-themightymittens-]

First of all, I'd just like to thank my father

[@majamarinic]

I can see clearly now the rain has gone

[@REBEKAHJOHNSON-lh6xh]

Oof. This is painfully true. It wasn’t always exploding at me, but watching my parents basically have daily screaming matches before they divorced took a toll on me.

[@KatrinaWright-in6ps]

Ow... Why is this so real 🥺

[@Onyxblade2121]

Go no contact. Overcoming their programming is tough, but in time you will feel better. Take time to mourn a good timeline that could have but was not chosen for you.

[@Jjroro73]

Just never enough money and to many children. However, when I realised my parents had their own traumas , didnt show any love growing up or didnt know how too. My siblings have their trauma i have mine. I blamed and hated on them all for years. Therapy and faith and a lot of research has taught me to forgive them and other people who hurt me. Both parents are gone now eldest and youngest also gone. I choose not to be around my siblings its too triggering. The fault is lack of understanding the love and care a child needs. I still think about them and wish things could be different. Being on my own is not easy. Definitely better for my over all well being. 🙏💜

[@MoonstarGem1]

this is me, but at the same time, I'm going, "Yeah. And?"

[@005Amergin]

Yep never was able to fully trust people. Cannot handle anyone yelling at me whatsoever. Shut down in conflict. I learned to hide very very young. I dont remember much, but it wasn't good.

[@victoriaevans958]

Whoa. This hit too close to home.

[@Jess-wq3nr]

I became such a wallflower and people pleaser I’m not even my own person anymore. I had a bunch of silly dreams and no real motivation to live. I’m just surviving and for what?

[@Ffar2578]

I laughed in the end because it is so accurately relatable

[@kaela1111]

I actually always did want to be an interior designer 😞 and still do. Just struggle with focus, confidence, and following through with things I start. Halp!!

[@legendgamer676]

Those 6 words: “What do you think about it?” absolutely trigger the hell outta me. My opinion was ALWAYS incorrect so I internally expect abuse no matter what I come out with so I just play the neutral. Huh. No wonder I don’t have a healthy sense of self!

[@amygerstle2037]

I really get alot out of your videos and other people 's comments❤

[@spameranne]

anyone else crying now?