Protecting Children From Predators: An Interview with Rick Seigmund | The Commonplace

[@amandalashley3819]

I'm so glad you're talking about this topic, it's been on my radar for a while now. A few months ago I'm pretty sure a neighbor had my family pegged to groom. He did all the things, he talked about his grandkids, asked if he could come hang out whenever we were playing outside, offered our boys candy, asked if our boys liked to go fishing, and then he was obviously trying to get us to let our boys go in his house "to meet his wife because she had had a stroke and couldn't come out to meet them." My husband flat out told the man that our sons will never under any circumstance enter his house. Thankfully he hasn't approached us again. Since then we have increased the frequency that we talk with our boys about stranger danger, not accepting food from strangers, not going with strangers, etc.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Oof. Thank God for his protection and your parental gut being on it!

[@hiddenhand6973]

@@amandalashley3819 very good parenting and I’m proud of your husband for stepping up to the plate for his family and proud of you for recognizing the signs.

[@miluskahakkel886]

Yes, I am that helicopter mama, and I don’t care. My child’s safety and well being is more important than what people can say about me. Very important topic. Thank you Autumn and Rick!

[@mommyonmission1758]

100% agree

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

And I think there's such a difference between being a PRESENT parent (often called a helicopter) and an overbearing presence (narrating everything your child does, speaking for them, cautioning them against any childlike movement). Sadly they're lumped together and we're made to feel bad about it!

[@DeedsReadz]

This was such a good interview! Thank you so much for this.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

I'm so glad!

[@hannahbaker2856]

Training and protecting children in this area can protect them not only as children when they're under our care, but also as adults. I'm grateful you and others are spreading this knowledge now--I was groomed as an adult by a then-fellow church member when first living on my own, despite having involved friends and family.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Oof, Hannah, I'm so sorry to hear that. I, too, have had more issues in my adulthood than I did in my childhood because I was too trusting/unaware of warning behaviours.

[@lifeatpecancottage5263]

Thanks for the advice/reminder that this is an important issue for discussion. I have a family with a gap in age ranges. Sometimes we need a reminder to have these conversations with each of the kids often.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

I hope it was a help!

[@hiddenhand6973]

Great conversation. I dare someone to comment on me being with my kids or being too watchful. “Why, because it makes it harder for you to groom them?” I have no problem putting it back on them. Parents, do the same. Develop your inner Gary Plauchâe.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Thank you!

[@humblyhaley]

HIGHLY recommend the book, “The Opt Out Family” by Erin Loechner. She lines out the tech agenda on our kids and how we can combat that and provide alternatives in our home. This is such an important conversation and reminder, even if it feels scary.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

I've heard great things about that book! I love her idea that we need to make our lives/homes more attractive than the algorithms!

[@MelonieL83]

So many important points in this discussion. I’m grateful for this conversation. Thank you, Autumn and Rick!

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Thank you!

[@kmaradiaga2247]

When I was 18 and traveled to Finland to be an babysitter ,I was approached by a young men who was suddenly very interested in me.The whole travel time he wanted to know about my whereabouts and address and etc.After 3 hr of constant questioning I never revealed anything, but some reason he got very aggressive with me and kind of angry.When i reached my destination,he walked with me out of the port, but then he saw my host family and just walked away.At that time I didn’t think anything of it,until like two weeks ago when I saw a documentary about sex trafficking and how they operate in airports to get new recruits.Thanks God he was with me at that moment.My 17 son will travel to Egypt alone.How I can make the travel as safe as possible?I am not worried about the people who will receive him, but more worried about the travel itself.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Oh my. Thank God for your safety. I will let Rick answer your safety question!

[@RickSeigmund01]

@kmaradiaga2247 I just spoke to three of my adult nieces traveling to Europe. I look at this very similarly to doing what we call and "advance" in executive protection. Before the trip, do your research on travel areas, police stations, hospitals, clinics, etc. Get familiar with different routes to travel by in case you get a sketchy Uber driver or taxi. At this point, my list of "S's" is standard. Do go/do Stupid things with Stupid people in Stupid places... You get the point. Awareness over paranoia, at all times. These are the basics, and yes, I'll do an article and video on this one my site within the next week. Let me know if you have any specific questions please!

[@sarahtaylor2121]

Gavin de Becker has a few books, one being The Gift of Fear. That particular one is mostly for women, but it also has some chapters on kids. Helpful, practical concepts for me to sprinkle in as my daughter gets older.

[@RickSeigmund01]

Yes, I mentioned that in our last interview, great book. He also has one called Protecting the Gift about our children.

[@elizabethmarien4571]

⁠@@RickSeigmund01 The gift of fear was a tough read and I used to work with victims of crime! I wish there was an abridged version because there is so much wisdom in there!

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Yes! Rick mentioned that one in our last interview!

[@sarahtaylor2121]

@@RickSeigmund01oh nice, I need to go listen to that. Thanks for sharing your knowledge on this topic!!

[@StephanieMT]

Kids want their parent to always be there at their events autumn. When they grow up they will be grateful you were always there

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

I think you're right. I do love seeing their smiling faces looking for mine as a point of comfort and acknowledgment.

[@ariellamaizels]

Such an important convo thank you!

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Thank you for listening!

[@WildRootsLearning]

There is an insane documentary on Netflix or Hulu about this. it has an adult friend of the family takes a young teenager on a vacation just the two of them. insane! The entire family was so brainwashed.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

My mind is blown. What.

[@makaylagracebennett]

Wow, what a helpful interview! It's the perfect thing to listen to while working out so that I can get rid of all the adrenaline this produces.. This helps justify the boundaries my husband and I already have in place.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

That would be a great time to listen to it. I felt like I was "amped" for an hour after this conversation. A work out would have been helpful!

[@elsaturnerr]

Theres a good movie on HBO about child/family grooming from the childs perspective and how she came to terms with what happened called "The tale"

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Oof. I don't know if I could handle it...but maybe I should try. Thank you!

[@gmacch]

Thank you, Autumn and Rick, for having this discussion. A situation just happened to me last week at Mass. I was on the line for Communion, and a man walked in between me and the people behind me and put his hand over my hands (my hands were covering my groin). I WOULD HAVE been molested if my hands were elsewhere. I'm a 40 year old woman.

[@hiddenhand6973]

Please tell me you told the priest? He needs to be put on a list to say the least.

[@RickSeigmund01]

Please make a police report. The event needs to be recorded regardless of the response of clergy.

[@gmacch]

@@RickSeigmund01 Will do. Thanks.

[@gmacch]

@@hiddenhand6973 I just emailed the pastor to let him know what happened.

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Oh my word. These conversations never fail to bring about stories that shock me. Wow. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[@elizabethmarien4571]

As a marriage and family therapist who formerly specialized in working with victims of crime … thank you! We are the gatekeepers. Here’s to the dragon slayers! 🐉🗡️

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Thank you!

[@pienkunicorn]

I knew all this stuff. Except the explicit ads on the kids games. That's really horrific I have one quible: Helicopter parents are real and it is a problem. That also cripples kids pschycologically. I recommend Abigail Scrider's books Irrapable Damage and Bad Therapy. Just a data point, my mom was fairly protective 12 and I knew why. I knew exactly why we weren't allowed on chat rooms, why we didn't go out in public in our ballet clothes etc. We knew. As I'm sure you know, CS Lewis said that anyone who thinks at all have done a great deal of their thinking by 12. Don't underestimate your kids. Predation is probably in the rise because 40% of kids are born out of wedlock. There's probably more vulnerable kids and probably more men who are broken in this way because they come from broken houses. I am actually really interested in why these men do this stuff if you have any book recommendation on that. Pathology of the mind and body is kind of a special interest of mine

[@KHomestead]

The rise in popularity of looking at images (trying to avoid the word, but you know what I mean) has a direct connection. It lowers inhibitions and impulse control. The Bible says Philippians 4:8-9 [8] Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. [9] What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. And Charlotte Mason says: "A life full of healthy interests and activities is among the surest preventives of secret vice."

[@thecommonplacehomeschool]

Oh, I just mentioned the difference between present and overbearing in another comment! Definitely something to define and articulate!