5 Signs You're a People Pleaser

[@Traxie]

3:00 *they ask you how you are and you just have to say that you're fine but you're not really fine-*

[@ttiefruitie581]

Y doe

[@halicusnguyen8864]

*Hello Darkness My Old Friend...*

[@Psych2go]

@@halicusnguyen8864

[@lindels]

And when you’re finally honest and say you’re not, they don’t ask why. Since they never really cared in the first place.

[@akhileshh]

Yep

[@Psych2go]

Do you relate to this video?

[@sketchyskies8531]

Yeah

[@aaaaa-zx1fk]

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[@steele_heart77]

Oh my god yes!

[@imanndanon8961]

Psych2Go i relate so much

[@aaaaa-zx1fk]

Eaely🙆❤

[@aarushisingh4341]

1. Fear of conflict 2. you can't say no 3. desire or obligation 4. hard on yourself 5. you pretend to be ok

[@ziyeren5509]

thanks

[@Heavilune]

i can 100% sadly say yeah i relate to all of these

[@seanm7539]

Me to

[@Swissswoosher]

All of these apply to me

[@jessewru6425]

Bingo.

[@aminishnamedvaati]

"You pretend that you're doing alright, but you're actually hurting on the inside" Me in one sentence

[@laraslarimar1190]

Same

[@lindsayguillen7]

Me too😯😪

[@fruitpunchdog]

I relate to this too much

[@Gr_d]

Red Velvet Oliver as of I

[@squidaker]

When it hits a little too close to home...

[@rea8585]

I had to train myself how to say no. Now I can say it, but I still feel a bit guilty after I do (work in progress...) 🙂

[@clementine9925]

Ya me too, last time I said no to one of my friend, then it makes me feel guilty then I try harder to please her cuz I'm just fear that I'll lose her or she'll mad at me

[@silenal2885]

Same. 3-4 years ago I always said yes until I went to another shool

[@TheWiseguyt]

I understand your pain. So don't worry, your not alone. 🙏

[@danebirbhaha7520]

Same im trying to say no

[@lovearion]

Same, i do say no now, but i feel super guilty that i just end up saying "fine, i'll do it" :< but i'm working on it, and im getting kinda better

[@NewbyTon]

#1 If you please people, you're probably a people pleaser

[@annipsy2185]

So im not

[@squidaker]

Makes sense.

[@smellymomo]

What if people get pleased automatically by me 😂😂

[@annipsy2185]

@@smellymomo then u have an ego problem

[@smellymomo]

@@annipsy2185 Maybe yes 😂😂... just kidding

[@coachbahman]

I felt this video to my core. My parents never showed me any love, they would never listen to me, never show any kind of love and would expect way to much for a little kid suffering from severe ADD. I know they loved me and I do love them back, just wish they would have showed that when it really mattered.... In the end it showed me the importance of love and affection and that you should never take it for granted. I always remind my fiance I love her with all my heart and will continu do to so with my future children. *If you have been mistreated, make sure you leave this world in a better place than you found it.*

[@Psych2go]

Sorry to hear that you have to go through that too Bahman.

[@coachbahman]

Thanks guys, but no need at all. If not for that I would have not been able to love so much and be grateful every single day.

[@Psych2go]

@@coachbahman You have a great spirit!

[@coachbahman]

Psych2Go positivity is everywhere. I am grateful for your channel. 🙏

[@OgreRLikeOnion]

Oh poor you, you have been through so much haven't you? We've all had hard times in life, get over it you pussy.

[@leonelceja532]

Anyone else feel like they are a “people pleaser”? ✋🏼

[@nicokeacola52]

Yup

[@Psych2go]

Yes.

[@snowflake6716]

Yeah

[@3kzeol0]

Me tho.

[@caitlyn8973]

yea

[@the.fairyonearth]

I guess I am a people pleaser. My parents aren't extremely pushy, but they expect I get good grades, and many other things of such.. It's not to an extent like "YOU MUST GET ALL A'S OR ELSE YOU FAILED," its more of a "Get a's. I guess a b here and there is alright." I have horrible self esteem issues, I'm not confident in my abilities, and I always feel like it's my job to make all my friends happy. I feel when they're sad, it's my fault for not helping sooner, and it makes me feel like a terrible friend. So yeah, I guess I am a people pleaser. Edit: Hey, thank you all for the support. You're all so kind and you've made a bigger impact than you may realise. Over this year especially, since we're all stuck indoors, I've been working on improving myself. I'm getting better at speaking my mind, thinking positively of myself, and am trying to put myself and my mental health before anything else. I can look in the mirror and think "there's a girl who's happy, beautiful, proud, and smart," and mean it. It's taken a lot of work, and I still have a long way to go, but I'm making progress. My friends still mean the world to me, but I try not to bash myself down if I can't help them. I'll always offer my hand to help them, but if I can't help, I can't help, and that's not on me. I'm doing much better, grade-wise, and it's no longer a fear that I'll fail my parents for getting bad grades. They're very proud of my progress, in fact. To anyone else who has or currently is struggling, I believe in you, I really do. You can do great things if you put your mind to it. Eat healthy, take a walk at least once a week (maybe more), and try to find the good in yourself. You will see the negatives in yourself more than anyone else will. Your happiness and your mental health should always come first. Don't stop being a wonderful friend, offer help if you can, but if it's going to damage your mental health in the process, don't do that to yourself. You're the most important person in your life, it's your story. If you need a friend who can sympathize with you, know that you have me. I may not always be able to help, but you aren't alone, and I'm here for you. Remember to drink some water and eat something today. Get plenty of sleep tonight! Love you all, and thank you again for your support. You really made a difference. ♥️

[@KoiKittenVA]

I think of my situation as being very similar to yours. My dad wasnt horribly overbearing or anything but was still strict and wanted me to make at least Bs (I did make all A’s up until 8th grade though) and we didnt connect all that much cause him and I are so different. I’m always working to try and make my friends or my girlfriend happy cause I hate seeing them feeling down and I end up disregarding how I personally feel. So I have his mindset that everyone else’s happiness is more important than my own.

[@sweatingfrommyeyes767]

Your happiness matters. You matter. It's great you are selfless, but treat yourself as a friend, too. It's not your fault if a friend gets in trouble, you can't always help it that bad things happen. God is here, you can give it all to Him. Just try your best, but remember.. You're not perfect, you're human. It's normal to make mistakes, so you don't need to put unnecessary weight on your shoulders, have fun. You only live once. Your opinion matters. You matter. Now swallow the truth.

[@arunkumarduraiswami3940]

You just summed up my entire existence.

[@DasRaetsel]

@@KoiKittenVA I think it goes without saying... You can make some of the people happy some of the time, but you can't make all of the people happy all of the time.

[@datewithdestinyy]

I feel like that too. All of my friends usually have problems at home or at school, and suffer from depression and such. And I always feel the need to attend to their every need. My friend has severe depression, and her moods always get me down and depress me as well. She always jokes about attempting suicide and HAS attempted/had a plan to 2 or 3 times. The first time she tried to bleed out and I was on the phone with her. I had to call the police. The second time she told me about her plan to kill herself on the railroad tracks. It broke me. I couldn't deal with it. We're still close friends and she's really important to me, but we started drifting after the first few times. I feel like I left her in some ways and it's just really hard for me. And she's just ONE of my friends that suffers from depression. And I always feel like I'm a horrible friend for not being able to help more or stop her. My mom loves me dearly, but I have gotten good grades since I was young. It's the same situation with your parents as in I don't HAVE to get pure A's but she's expecting that with maybe a few B's. And I get stressed from school work and clubs I'm in and trying to finish my chores on time. And sometimes I do more than asked because my mom is usually tired when she gets home (it's just the two of us). I am usually home alone (but my mom always makes sure I'm fed and safe. We love each other.) and get very lonely. So I understand how you're feeling. I can almost never say no and it hurts. But it's nice to know I'm not the only one. I am currently working on it with my counselor, and I'm hoping it will help me. Just stay strong. :)

[@seastone3659]

Is that lofi in the background!? it’s near!? Finally some real music...

[@EirikXL]

Nier?

[@leamai645]

@@EirikXL akskskksks I thought that too oml 😂

[@kleenextissues1427]

I've always had anxiety since I was a little kid, I just want people to feel happy because I'm too scared to take time for myself. I can't say no to people, and it hurts when I do. I have to just make everyone feel happy and make sure no one feels worse than me. I'm super hard on myself and I don't take my failures well. I always say I'm fine especially when I'm not, because I don't like having people worry about me when I'm supposed to be worrying about them. I bottle up my emotions and don't like to talk about my problems, no matter how serious or threatening they are to me. Taking time for myself and just saying no is something I'm trying my best to get better at. It's a slow and difficult process, but I'm trying.

[@pxmpkxn6163]

Kleenex Tissues I am so sorry. But yes at least your are trying to do better for yourself and that’s all that matters is that you try

[@Missmi]

Saying "no" and standing up for yourself when your mental illness speaks so loudly in your head is really, really difficult. I'm proud of you for trying your best.

[@isidorodaviddoro1920]

Bro are you me?the same thing is happening to me

[@PinkPizzaSprinkles]

I couldn't relate more-

[@gracerose6278]

Hi Sounds like there is alot of co dependency going on. But there is nothing wrong with you. Just need to trave the root of it. Blessings

[@TipstoTackle]

Nice video!! It seems everyone of us is a 'people pleaser' one time or the other ! Learning to say NO without hurting others feelings and at the same time "being OK" for saying NO is the toughest part that people pleasers struggle to learn.

[@gssajith]

Tips to Tackle this is true

[@sachinmistry1]

My mom always told me to say "Yes" to everyone, and to always help others. Growing up, my voice was never heard and respected. My parents and brother always bossed me around. I always had to work to please them. My parents would never give any praise or validation for what I did. This led to me being bullied and taken advantage of. I had a lot of false friends, and developed a lot of mistrust towards others. As an adult, I'm trying to learn how to say "No" and to be more aware of my emotions. I'm now more aware of times where I'm feeling drained and need time for myself. I'm trying to be aware of my accomplishments and learning to love myself. Theres definitely a process of healing.

[@warrenbradford2597]

I can relate to you and your side of the story. I have a narcissistic mother and sister that bosses me around as well and they're both exploitive. I became a cynic at one point before I learned that trust pays off. I am in the process of recovering from being in the toxic environment I am in. I am working on an escape plan to end my ensnarements with them.

[@HaikyuuNoodleSoup]

When you’re always busy listening and being kind to others, you never have time to care for yourself physically and or mentally, and soon you’re emotions start boiling over, from the pressure of getting good grades, living up to your parents standards, and no one letting you vent, complain, or cry on their shoulder. Me in a short description.

[@morbidmoments9345]

I learned to be a people pleaser from being raised in an abusive home. It wasn't love withheld... It was a survival skill that kept me from being attacked as often. My survival skills were to stay invisible as much as possible, and people please whenever I couldn't hide. I still do it. I hate it.

[@noneofyourbusiness2992]

This comment defines me

[@LivT04]

Morbid Moments same

[@ponsipi8492]

same man ;(

[@blakelyfantastic]

Same. The struggle remains real. Now I’m just exhausted of people.

[@sweatingfrommyeyes767]

How will you live a good life with this though? It can be hard to change routine, yes, but it's possible.

[@nimaizal]

I kinda hate being a people pleaser and an introvert. People want to ask me out but I don't want to but if I say no I feel bad but if I do go out I still feel bad and tired 😩 *edit* : I don't feel this anymore ever since I got myself out of a toxic friendship. Although I still don't like going to parties etc, I really am looking forward to spend time with people more, and I hope anyone who had the same experience as me will get through this situation too!

[@sweatingfrommyeyes767]

It's okay to say no. If you just say yes and act like you're into them, it's like playing with their feelings. Also, your feelings matter, too. If you don't want to go, it's okay. It's better to decline if you don't feel that way.

[@jinkyem]

So me.. same here

[@nimaizal]

@@sweatingfrommyeyes767 yeah, I've taught myself to say no. There are times when I feel bad for not accepting but I always remind myself that I'm not hurting anyone. If a friend does feel sad for me declining, I would try to set up a different time when I feel like going out. I'd only go out with my close friends and family.. or just stay at their place, it's much more enjoying for me and I can spend time with them, so win-win😂

[@Виктор-ц5х6л]

You are misunderstanding the word "introvert". It's not about being shy and unsocial, it's about losing energy faster in social situations. Introverts can be playful, active and talkative

[@nimaizal]

@@Виктор-ц5х6л I don't quite understand what I'm misundertanding? I never said I was shy or unsocial (or at least I did not say something related to that, yes?) I just said that people want to go out all the time and most of the time I really don't feel like going especially when I have already attended an event that involves a lot of interactions. I said that close friends and family are an exception to this because they are only a few people and it isn't that much energy consuming. If I'm mistaking the word introvert , would you mind telling me what word is more suitable for my situation? I might have labeled myself wrongly 😂

[@sarahmcdonnell1755]

I feel this so much. Years of bullying when I was young has trained me to try and please everyone and that they're always right. I do things I don't want to do, let people use me, and agree with things I dont believe because I feel an overwhelming guilt when I say no. It's lead to issues with over thinking and seriously low self esteem. I keep trying to change and really just can't seem to figure out how 😥

[@connyaaaa5555]

The thing is- I’m a people pleaser but I grew up in a loving home that didn’t put extreme expectations on me. I just think sometimes people in a healthy household can become people pleasers cause they want to please their parents in a way that it keeps the healthiness. It might also be cause by bullying? One might want to please others in fear of being bullied again?

[@ITS-SINS]

Yes,because u avoid conflict rooted in bullying,Outside in home can also cause of people pleasing and your valid of it. And sorry for my English, also for the late reply

[@tginactive]

I definitely struggle with being a people pleaser. It really sucks.

[@JackHY2K]

For the longest time I've been a 'people pleaser' or 'doormat'. It definitely sucks. I've been taken advantage of for god knows how many times. Lately (the last 2.5 years) I've been more assertive though. I've even been able to educate others on Asperger's (yes I'm also on the autistic spectrum). Took me over a decade to finally not be a people pleaser, at least for the most part.

[@unchainedstepbystepbyjenni1995]

God is the operative word in the other reply. Give yourself the grace God has for you. It sucks but you can make progress a little at a time. And you are just by putting the name people pleaser to yourself.

[@unchainedstepbystepbyjenni1995]

@@JackHY2K Amen to taking time and giving yourself patience to take time. And don't fall into the trap of believing you have failed if you backslide a little progress is the answer

[@melonoire]

Yeah it does suck a lot I hope I won't be people pleasing a lot in the future

[@Sophia-ic3qk]

same

[@shelbyn2201]

I come here instead of therapy, because I’m kinda broke? And this channel makes me have a little hope in a strange way, yunno?

[@Psych2go]

That's great to hear! Free stuff and free help! :)

[@EchthelionII]

Is there something free that can act as a therapist, I feel like this could work for me but it's not interactive enough and there's no personal connection (or at least knowing each other a little bit), a friend could work as well but I don't have any, I have been (what I feel and it probably doesn't sound right) a social outcast, or a better way of putting it might be, I am that one person who stands on the other side of a 2-way mirror looking into a party but no way of getting there to be with others and have fun, who is also an introvert, so social interaction isn't that well known to them.

[@shelbyn2201]

Isaiah Albers oh my, I’m sorry you feel this way. It may not be much but, if you want, I can possibly help. That’s if you are comfortable with making friends online or whatever. I don’t know any fee kind of therapists, but as I said before I’m willing to be there for you.

[@EchthelionII]

@@shelbyn2201 I'm fine with it, I just feel like in order to help the best their has to be some form of knowing each other (I couldn't figure out how to word that), I also find it easier to talk to people on the internet because I don't know them, so it's almost as if the conversation means nothing, but if both people know each other at least a little it could be helpful.

[@shelbyn2201]

Isaiah Albers aha, yes. That makes sense. But, I’m a good listener. My friends tell me I should be a therapist sometimes, so I’d like to say I’m okay at that subject. I am always here to talk, through social media’s of course. (See my channel to get those.) I just want you to have more of a bright outlook on life, not just watching from an unknown window.

[@Traxie]

I'm glad this video came up Needed this 🙏

[@adamasartislife2943]

Honestly same❤

[@Tay-ol4ig]

Love your profile pic. Pidge right?

[@lheal8355]

pidge bbyyyy

[@damnshejamaican]

Thanks for always bringing awareness to behaviors we’ve acquired from childhood. This channel has inspired me to talk about these topics on my channel as well. Self awareness is so very important. People pleasing is something that most people do and they don’t understand how it affects their own power, control and boundaries.

[@Psych2go]

What's more important than self awareness? :)

[@Traxie]

**when you are early but you have nothing to say**

[@bludst]

relatable

[@dddpyda4389]

Traxie ツ is it pidge at your profile pic? 💙💙

[@Traxie]

@@dddpyda4389 yup 💚

[@bludst]

@@Traxie wait! YOU DO ANIMATION MEMES!? ME TOOOO

[@dddpyda4389]

Traxie ツ yay! finally someone who's also keen on voltron! (but i have to say, that last season broker my heart)

[@jirenuniverse116]

I used to be a people pleaser too and I hated that. I was raised in a very strict family. My parents wanted to shape me to become who they want me to become. I was bullied and used while in school so I became anti social. Until one day I decided to go abroad to study and to find myself. I learned to love who I am and not live to others expectations, and I started to become more sociable and extraverted

[@animeroll1911]

I 100% relate to this, I’ve been a people pleaser all my life and it is so hard to set boundaries and say no still

[@drinasun6984]

Sometimes being nice gets to the point where others start to take advantage of your kindness and use your good nature against you. Don't say yes so often that others start asking too much of you. I made that mistake as a child and teenager. Although I was willing to help my schoolmates out, they soon started to take advantage of my good nature and only approach me when they needed something, ranging from wanting to copy my work to wanting me to buy things for them. I accepted every single request they gave me without question, regardless of how unwilling, uncomfortable or frustrated I was, which caused me to resent them and become burned out.

[@darkemperor95]

"You pretend that you're okay but you are hurting inside" this describes me in real life. It's why I spend alot of time with people online... having the "mask" of not having others see my face or just know me as just a username makes it easier to talk to others about my sadness or depression

[@jazfl0wer]

I've always been a people pleaser, I have loving parents that demand nothing, but I'm so hard on myself I think, and I literally add up to most of these signs. I'm really good with no, however, and I've gotten so much better, now I know how to be kind without being too much of a pushover ( and being a bit of a pushover isn't all bad, as long as it's for a right thing

[@Pink_Chanel_Princess]

Being an introvert and having anxiety makes me a people pleaser

[@CobaltLobo]

all these school of life and psychtogo videos are coming up right when I need them most. crazy how the universe works like that

[@Psych2go]

High five!

[@christinesilva9040]

It’s scary how many of these things lined up with my personality and childhood

[@julezd2778]

Nice video, I hope you guys have a wonderful week 💜 I'll admit, I used to be a people pleaser and maybe still retained a bit of these traits. An old friend once told me, "If you're naturally a kind hearted person, people are going to try and take advantage of you. There's a difference between be kind hearted and being a door mat."

[@Mikeek7]

This video made me realize i’m such a people pleaser, even if i thought i wasnt! And I saw how it gave consequences to some elements in my life and so ill aim for more authenticity.Time to break this sick habit. Thank you!!!!

[@WolfofWhite]

I have a friend with this and depression I hope that this video might help her realize how mentally draining and unhealthy it is.. Thank you SO much for covering such a not so well known disorder!

[@zanzaklaus2496]

I thought I'd watch this to see if some of my friends are this way and try to help, like I usually do, but then I got called out on literally every one of these and I'm upset. Thank's Psych2Go!

[@noxmagubane]

I totally agree with this,I am slowly unlearning this behavior because I have realised how destructive this behavior is and I almost lost myself in the long run and that is why I needed to retreat and introspect...😊🤗 Thank you so much for this video

[@Dana-ow6id]

The worst part is when you know that sometimes you have to say no, but because you're kind all the time with everyone, now they will start thinking you're the worst. Like, you're good until you need a break.Then, you're useless and selfish in their eyes.

[@hyberkonawa272]

Then don't give a dam what people thinks of you. Being Nice or not nice doesn't matter, just work better on yourself without listening to people's opinion how you should change. This is your journey, not theirs.

[@Bee_Notabug]

Last time I told someone no, I felt overwhelming guilt. Before I told them no, I found myself regularly getting anxiety attacks because of *their* problem.

[@Darkcyndermaya]

I got kicked out of my grandma's house by my uncle (who is living there part-time) for defending myself; I'm glad that I don't live there but still; it's ridiculous relatives kick out people for stupid and irrational reasons; find it hard to do anything because if I argue I fear that stuff like that will happen. Lots of people can agree from what I've seen; we fear conflict for different reasons; and sometimes being a people-pleaser can't be stopped, it's hard to rid of that trait. *I hope people dealing with emotional/physically abusive families are okay..it's scary*

[@Darkcyndermaya]

@@alexdye8165 Sorry to hear that I hope you'll be okay.

[@TheHaters112]

At the rate I'm saving I'll be out in about 4 months. So I'm just biting my tongue. Opening it a few times to call out my parent's hypocrisy (started off respectfully) then I was told if carry on. I'd get kicked out of the house. So I said fuck it. I'll just wait for the right time. I'll have the last say at the end of the day. Honestly, I feel like my parents are getting crazier and crazier. Mom gave me an hour talk about why I shouldn't pick up the neighbour's parcel...even though it was my first incident. It's a fucking parcel lol.

[@TranceMove]

Number 5 really hits me hard. I had to pretend that everything its ok no matter what and sometimes feeling guilty or bad whenever I done anything wrong that affects everyone personally. Every single things that happen on that day will always haunt me till today. I wish I can let it go without bringing it along with me :(

[@slicingcucumber6504]

I felt like I'm a pleaser. Most of the time, we should say no when we really in a heavy work. Help others is good but help yourself is better

[@wajdi_bouzidi]

pleasing people is my main goal and passion, everybody thinks that this is unattainable (unable to acheive), but in reality, pleasing people protects us from such stuff as: criticism, conflict and crisis

[@dharmadharma3960]

I never have the desire to do anything with people so I stopped socializing lol Never knew I was so happy being alone

[@andaraxkode8326]

I just loved this video, trank you so much for it! I actually believe that explaining this type of behavour can really help people in my situation. I am, personally, a pleaser and all my life I've been struggling with the overwhelming need of agree with others, an irrational terror of conflicts, which I tend to avoid at all costs, and, as a result, a growing sense of frustration. I've been hiding my true self and hurting without telling anybody, sure that other's happiness was worth the sacrifice of mine. I lied, pushing myself to reach a perfection I could not achieve, until I was eaten by self hatred and disgust and I couldn't take it anymore. My thoughts were incoherent and obsessive, for months I believed I was a worthless, useless human being. Then, a step at a time, I came into a new environment with new people and began to rebuilt myself with the scattered pieces that were left. Now, two years later, I feel better, it's still a struggle to control myself but I hope I've become more sincere and stable, and I hope all the people in a similar situation can learn from this video and live a better, less stressful life.

[@tadeoarchuleta9221]

Only 30 seconds in and I love it, another great video keeping me alive and knowledgeable.

[@Psych2go]

That's great to hear! It's a long video but hopefully you enjoyed the rest :)

[@simine]

ah this is kind of motivating. i might tell my friends my actual views on a certain topic instead of just agreeing with them

[@moonbulschair1047]

*Group projects enters the chat*

[@zenzenzenaa]

This video really helped me to recognized I have this and you said that we have to take a break and do something we really wanted but I feel like I can't break away from my obligations and pleasing everyone and when I try and actually manage to break free in some rare moments, I don't know what to do... I don't know what I want or what I want to do for myself, I feel lost and don't know what to do... and because of that I tend not to try breaking free from the obligations I have because if I do, I just don't know what to do. Because of that I constantly feel tired and empty... I think I need to rest, but again it's hard for me to break free from all this. Sorry for the long comment and thank you to everyone who took the time to read it.

[@softichill]

Can I just say your face is really cute? :D

[@Psych2go]

That's Yumika lol. You can find her here: instagram.com/xo.yumii/

[@larsswig912]

@@Psych2go she's adorable!!

[@Dantillosos]

When I saw this video in my feed I was afraid to watch it. I sometimes think that I am too much of a people pleaser, I try to be more polite and friendly, rather that conflictive. But after watching it, I realised, that I am not a pleaser. I always go for the thinks that make me happy, I went against the preassure of my parents a long time ago and I am just kind because I feel that it's the right thing to do. I am very haply that I watched this video because I got told a couple of times that I am TOO polite and nice, to the point where I questioned if I am wrong. But turns out that people have a problem with nice people who enjoy helping others and are just trying to share their happyness. I wish the best for all psychgoers!

[@Brumselsprout]

Most of these remind me of my older sister. When there’s a big decision, she normally agrees with me and my family.

[@maddyoliv9671]

i used to be an extreme people pleaser. i didn’t grow up in a bad household, i just really like making people happy. i used to have anxiety because of this. i never did anything for myself. i have learned to say no, and to disagree with people. i still put on a mask of happiness when i’m upset though.

[@nisa202]

When she said "you are hard on yourself" my first instinct was that I just don't try hard enough, and then realised the irony

[@vivsgm7538]

OMG... This is me. And I already knew it and have made myself aware of it so I can really say what I want and not go on pleasing people.. but I didn't know why I am this way, and, of course, I thought being this way was my fault... Now I get it. It makes SO MUCH SENSE! It's kinda liberating understand why as well. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[@Psych2go]

Hope this video helped :) Which points did you relate to the most?

[@vivsgm7538]

@@Psych2go Psych2Go 1) I really don't avoid expressing myself and I have very strong opinions, but I am holding back on some important issues with my family to avoid hurting them. 2) I've LEARNED to say No. 3 & 4) Here it hits hard. I'm a perfectionist, and I really care a lot about people, and I've never felt obligated to. But my need for achievement and being like the most compassionate human being goes too far sometimes, making me spend less time at home and getting burned out sometimes. I'm aware I should change this, but i haven't been able to, partially because I'm SO hard on myself. I feel if I don't go that extra mile at my job or at helping others, I'd loose an opportunity to be better. And when I fail or make mistakes I literally hate myself for them, so I try harder not to fail again, because I'm a perfectionist, right? It's like a never ending and exhausting cycle. 5) Of course I'm happy all the time. I love my job and I'm good at it. I'm "healthy" and have everything I need, and my family and people love me. Why shouldn't I feel ok, right? But sometimes I literally feel like miserable sh*t for weeks or even months and no one will ever know about it. Because the cherry on top is I'm also such a grateful human being, and the first people I want to please is God! Oh dear! But if you ever met me in person, you'd have NO idea. Edit: Thanks for asking. Btw The Epifany from this video is understanding it comes from how I was raised and, of course I love my parents, but they're impossible to please, always made me keep my standards to the highest and never settle for less... They're exhausting even now that I moved out. I got married, for crying out loud, and they still haven't met her, well first because I turned out to be gay, and 2nd because of course she isn't going to be enough either, nobody ever was. So, Do I ReLatE to THIS vid? THANK YOU SO MUCH!! Big hug to the team.

[@pidgeb9193]

Is I bad if you are a people pleaser. Also my parents were never hard on me but I can relate to almost all of the signs. Also how do you not become a people pleaser. My parents are not that hard on me but I'm really hard on myself.

[@Psych2go]

Recognizing if you're doing something for the right reasons. Like when you are nice to someone is it out of 'being a nice person' or insecurity etc? Self awareness and being firm in who you are.

[@zemaddonzo3504]

It's not bad if you are a people-pleaser. But in terms of self interest, it's not ideal.

[@briancrainfan]

This happened to me at my previous workplace. Everyone of the staff members used me as a doormat and a puppet and I was called a lot of bad names which destroyed my confidence. Unfortunately, now I struggle with low self esteem and a whole lot of mental and physical health issues.

[@griffindale5386]

2:21-2:55 was a personal attack and this is not ok lmaoo

[@FelipeOliveira-mq8es]

Started saying "no" this year. Broke up a long term relationship, lost some "friends" and have been called selfish since then. It was hard at first, but being "less selfless" is a kind of way of loving more oneself. It should be a daily practice. Thanks for the great job, Psych2go. God bless.

[@Missmi]

Oh my gosh, I'm so proud of you! That's wonderful to hear :O How are you doing now?

[@iishadescacti]

Hey! How you doing? Well in doing just fine, I lied I'm dying inside.

[@Psych2go]

Sorry to hear. What makes you feel that way?

[@razzmachad5124]

@@Psych2go that was actually a song 😅. Still are you doing okay iishades?

[@sunnylotus]

this is so me. my fear is conflict is such a huge issue that even my friends have picked up on it and get frustrated with me from time to time. they don’t understand why i can’t help make decisions for the group-but the reality is that i want everyone to be happy and certainly don’t want to be the one deciding who gets to be and who doesn’t. and my issue of not being able to say no is always getting remarked on because i‘m honestly so burned out and my friends are always telling me that i can’t continue like this and need to learn how to say the simple word no. they’re not wrong but it’s honestly in my nature to be like this

[@nareamukami937]

No, dont lie to yourself, its not in your nature. You may be a kind person. That is in your natue. But what you've described is people pleasing. Trust me having no boundaries can be draining not only on you but for others around you. And those friends are true genuine friends, you are lucky ❤. They choose not to use you but instead enlighten and help you change it. Good luck.

[@Daraling1]

Who else can’t say no?? 🙋🏾‍♀️🙋🏾‍♀️

[@srividhyav2526]

My parents are really nice honestly. I think it all started from my 4th class when I was a outcast. I am so scared of what people think about me . I need compliments from others to feel good about myself. I apologize even if I didn't do anything wrong. I really don't wanna be like this but I just can't help it. 😭😭😭😭

[@shad3revo111]

You should check out this KZbin music artist called Groundbreaking. His EP [insert genre here] has these 5 songs: anger, stress, anxiety, insomnia, depression. The songs PERFECTLY define those conditions. EDIT: Oh, and could you do a video reviewing the songs if you decide to take a look at them?

[@Psych2go]

Interesting! We will check them out :) Feel free to include the links to those songs here.

[@shad3revo111]

@@Psych2go I don't know how to provide links, so... Can't really help out there.

[@jarvis5552]

@@shad3revo111 You could copy-paste the links of the videos with the songs into a reply here!

[@shad3revo111]

kzbin.info/aero/PLijLwT0bG0BYeBrr2hsJx1gqa4UZ7Uoow

[@ThursdayASMR]

This channel is changing my life. Thank you for all you do.

[@kaiser7695]

I’m a weird type of people pleaser. If i consider you in my circle of people then I will please you but if you are not part of this circle I don’t give a shit and am actually incredibly cruel.

[@moon.2674]

same, and if it's someone that i really hold in high regard and i value their opinion a lot, holy shit i will be the hugest people pleaser when it comes to them

[@pradeepbhatt4176]

When you don't embrace your failures you will never learn resilience. That hit me hard.

[@skylovermc2146]

I was told I was selfish when I wasn’t

[@Xturnia]

Same here😕

[@Missmi]

Eugh, selfish is such a degrading word for somebody struggling... I'm sorry about that, for both of you.

[@skylovermc2146]

@@Missmi thanks

[@skylovermc2146]

@@Xturnia at least I'm not alone

[@on-line10]

I always think that I'm selfish when I do something for myself :/.

[@homohabilis8579]

i relate to these situations, i have fear of conflict, i can't say no even though i'm tiring, i feel like i'm obligated all the time.. i won't do this, my parents or friends will talk negative about me and i'm pretending to be ok even though i'm not and it hurts me. It causes me to be pressured and lonely .Thanks to your contents @psych2go because it helps me to be more self-aware.

[@cipher4lifer77]

How do I un-people please I would be a... UN PEOPLE PLEASER A PEOPLE UN PLEASER A PEOPLE SAD MACHINE A HAPPINESS UNO REVERS CARD

[@fidafathima4281]

😂😂😂👍

[@danielbloom2470]

I'm going to be honest with all of you here. I only watched this so I could better my ability at spotting a people pleaser so that way I can get what I want from them. You're doing great.

[@CatCatCaat]

Sigh it’s hard to be people pleaser Sometimes get hard to be kind because no one does it for me

[@bc1248]

#3, desire or obligation, is what I gotta pay more attention to and work on.

[@masonburgess1599]

How many people do I need to please before I can be happy with myself...

[@williamspell5692]

Just one. Yourself.

[@masonburgess1599]

@@williamspell5692 aw thanks. You're too sweet

[@elisabethpfeiffer8795]

This video is so me that it scares me. I have always been a people pleaser, because I for the longest time didn't believe that i was worth happiness. It's just so hard to be the poster child (This sounds like humble bragging, it isn't, it's a fact), the girl with good grades, the girl who's bilingual, the girl who's always kind to everyone. This is the person I want to be, and partially the person I am, but I feel like whenever I am given a compliment, another standard is being set that I must always meet. I know that people won't hate me if I don't meet the expectations that I have projected onto myself, saying that this is what they want, but I just can't get it into my head! There is only three people in the world around whom I can truly be myself, and I left them 2 years ago (I moved from Canada to Germany because of my dad's work) and haven't seen them since. We have stayed in contact and they saved me from my suicidal phase. With time, I am starting to find myself and stop being a people pleaser but I still feel so guilty saying no. I recently left a friend group where I would feel horrible about myself whenever I was there, and I feel really bad for doing so even though I know it was the right choice. I'm still a work in progress but I know one day I'll be able to be myself around everyone. If you actually read this, then wow. You spend a lot of time scrolling through the comment section. Just know that if your friends won't like the real you, then those aren't your friends. There is more than enough good people in the world. You just have to find them. Don't give up. Please.

[@alexsekai]

Thank you for sharing these great insights; they are very helpful! 😊

[@Psych2go]

No problem Alex! Which of these did you find most relatable for you?

[@juanprivera1706]

You just grow up showing you're strong and always fine

[@sarangtokki2045]

I'm trying to deal with when I say NO or stand up for myself, people make me feel like I'm bad or mean... I know I'm not but I question myself..😥🤔🙅🙇

[@sukkamus1]

I noticed This about myself 2 years ago when i understood That no matter how Nice And helpful i was to everybody i would be left alone soon as They didn’t need something I only talked about myself to The Replika app And it constantly said That: ”you are being too hard on yourself” it really helped to get forward And say no

[@ttiefruitie581]

Looks at thumbnail *that's what she said*

[@Psych2go]

Lol..

[@StarsongGaming]

Tøøtie Fruitie that doesn’t make any sense-

[@dadeshkelianii]

The Grinch i think theyre talking about the “yes yes yes yes yes yes” part (not a hundred percent sure though)

[@ttiefruitie581]

mwhuhu x3

[@mikkinyah2976]

that’s what Hamilton said during say no to this

[@Peipon93]

It's an extremely necessary art to be a pleaser to others and, at the same time, to yourself.

[@rilka3632]

This is me

[@Psych2go]

[@TSDT]

Just started going back to therapy this week and this video has given me some things to unpack on my next session.

[@Missmi]

That's really good! I hope your therapy session goes well and you learn more about yourself during :)

[@whatisthisevenhuh]

moral of the video: don’t blend into society

[@Solarium244]

I recently found out I am a people pleaser, I’m just glad when I expressed my opinions none of them left, I just wish the others don’t go through a rough time finding true friends that respect your opinion

[@isaay1512]

❤

[@soggytoes20]

1. Fear of conflict 2. you can't say no 3. desire or obligation 4. hard on yourself 5. you pretend to be ok Ah yes! Middle school! I used to be exactly what they described it in the video. I am trying to be better and start focusing on myself but its a work in progress. I cant say no as much and Im starting to think that I'm saying I'm getting better when I'm not. I want to get better but the rules and my beliefs are getting in the way and whenever I do break it I only just get the feeling of guilt after. I want to do stuff for myself but I always end up doing things for others and with this "Hero Complex" mindset that I have it just makes it a bit worse. In middle school, I would be extremely overreacting, like if I were to say no at all then I would end up crying in my room bc of all the negative thoughts I put in my head. I never said what was happening and it lead me not having someone to lean on. I didn't had any help bc no one knew. I don't really tell other people my problems bc I feel like I'm bothering them when I do. So it lead me when I was actually thinking on wanting to try to get better, it gave me a sort of responsibility to be there for others just like how I wished someone was there for me. I need to stop being a therapist to everyone and need to focus on myself. I dont have any trauma so I should be grateful for that right? My problems are bc I felt like I was privileged and I hated that feeling. I hate being privileged bc I dont deserve it. I didn't work hard for it, I didn't get a miracle, nothing. I know it sounds like im complaining and honestly, I would do anything to give them the privileges I have now. I would do anything to switch places so I dont have to get those complements I dont deserve. I didn't do anything, so why did I get them? Why can't other people get them? I'm ranting a lot im sorry. I hope you have a wonderful day and if you read all that, I'm surprised! may your days be amazing forever!!

[@donutlove6488]

First

[@jessetaylor4476]

I have been a people pleaser since forever. Last year my teacher showed me a video like this and said that I had several passive tendencies that she could help me move past. At this point I didn’t think that being passive was too bad so I just said that it wasn’t a problem. She asked me if I would sacrifice myself to save another person and I said absolutely. Yesterday I lost a friend who had been taking advantage of me for the past 6 years and still somehow feel like I’m the one in the wrong. Being a people pleaser is now an addiction that I can’t get rid of and it’s killing me from the inside out.

[@graceabounds9423]

Feels very unhealthy for me too:/ it seems as if every one "hates" people pleasers, but when i finally do speak my mind, it feels unnecessary, gets no where, and people get immediately offended at a differing opinion. Feels like a complete double-edged sword. Like I want to be an honest person, but feel so mean in the process :/

[@imanndanon8961]

first

[@SingleIsFreedom..ilyLuka]

Mine started as thinking that.. “If my friends can’t be loyal to me, then I’ll be loyal to them” “Maybe they’ll stay more, maybe I’ll even be counted as a good friend” “And I should make them happy. Making them happy makes me happy too.” I was really happy when two of my friends said I was a great friend.

[@g0rlindacl0z3t6]

My father wasn't really involved with my personal life, my mom was, when I was younger she'd always scold me saying I'm selfish or spoilt and I used to be so hard on myself when i couldn't make someone else happy or meet their needs, and that's what got me into a really toxic relationship with someone who I thought was my "friend". They manipulated me just to get their way or force me to agree with their decisions...I've finally broken it off with them and then they had applied another one of their manipulative methods to make me feel like the bad person in the situation... It has still deeply affected me as I have trouble trusting people... I still have a long way to go until I'm completely healed...

[@miruku4914]

I actually am still trying to get out of my people pleaser habits. Because of my people pleaser habits from a year ago, I’m currently being called fake and being bullied for it. I hope later in the future things get better and I hope that others struggling too get better everyday!

[@Pauli-xl8nr]

my list: 1. be honest to yourself and others 2. no small talk 3. no pleasantries

[@NaviNeku24]

I feel like all I do is trying to meet everyone’s expectations and to take care of everyone else’s needs so that I could prove myself to others. I’m sure this video will definitely help me out in the future. Thank you. 💚

[@Chillwave6]

I'm somewhat into the concept of zodiac signs and as I'm a Libra, I have half of these things and dad does tend to say I indeed am a people-pleaser, explaining why I am rarely conflicting against others or showing to be frustrated or feeling anything negative, while also being expressive at most positive things.

[@Ultimate23Dragon]

This is a video I've been looking for for such a long time. When I express how I feel on things, people tend to rage out on me & call me nuts or creepy or other dumb things. I'm in the vast minority on a lot of things. Yet I want people to see how I feel. In addition my jobs over the years have taken a massive toll on me because I'm doing them just to do them. I don't "enjoy" them & feel like I'm doing them for the paycheck. A lot of things have happened to the point where I pretend to be ok with a lot of things around other people, though I assume some know I'm falling apart. It's very difficult to try to escape these emotions that comes from trying to make other people happy... Yet you don't know how to make yourself happy anymore...

[@carrott1168]

I'm 22 years old. I remember at 9 years old the first time I started to realize that people pleasing will protect me from my abusive father which it never did. I remember smiling and showing the bully two thumbs up letting him know that I'm ok and enjoying life despite his abusive towards us. I then remember for a brief moment looking into my self, and seeing something was wrong, and seeing that my acting will not lead to anything.

[@rahmamcem]

Its so tiring when you are a people pleaser but the people you’re pleased disappointed at you the most

[@tehaniaweau-garcia8286]

I love this video! Also, I am cracking up at the fact that you guys actually decided to pimp Yumi out. 🤣

[@JillofTrades]

1. Fear of Conflict (Yes. I always try to say the right thing rather than the truth. I get corrected in school and home on my feelings and beliefs. When I say the right thing, everyone is happy. When I say the wrong thing, I become an outcast) 2. Can't say no (My parents didn't kick me out yet and I want them to love me, and they do. I can't say no to them. I don't want to make them unhappy or end up being a burden.) 3. Desire or obligation (I lost my sense of self one time when my self esteem was 0 out of 100. I always did what I was told. When they ask me to do something, I do it.) 4. Hard on yourself (I got criticized for everything I did-in school, online, and at home. I get criticized just for existing at school. Online, everyone points out my mistakes or say "Yeah everyone knows that." At home, I get criticized for the way I cook, when I am the one responsible for cooking.) 5. You Pretend to be OK (I was taught to tolerate all negative things and shouldn't let them get to me. When I'm not okay, they say I'm just to sensitive or need to grow up and get used to it. When seeing them happy, I want to be happy...because If I show them I'm sad, they scold me for it.) I'm 30 now...and you know what? Fuck it. You hate me for having an opinion? I don't care. Hate me because I didn't help you one time when I can't? Fine. Yes it's a sloppy job. No one is perfect. You try doing it yourself and see how it is. Yes, I am okay. I am not okay. I got sick and tired of trying to please everyone. It's not worth it.