How to KEEP YOUR COOL with women: the sandwich strategy

[@psychacks]

Learning how to keep your cool when women become difficult or provocative is an emotional survival strategy. Failing to master this skill is an invitation to hardship and regret. The strategy is simple: no matter what woman you're dealing with, and no matter what a woman tells you, to the extent that she becomes emotional, you need to mentally create a verbal sandwich around her words. I'll demonstrate what this looks like in today's episode. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Join my mailing list: oriontarabanpsyd.com/ Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #women

[@cosmictreason2242]

Literally the only way you could make me lose my cool is to do something that violates the marriage covenant. The advice on how not to seem defensive by listing counterfactuals is really helpful to me though

[@AR-182]

I feel I LOVE THIS CHAPTER right now! 🎉👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Please Orion, then help US to know what to do if those words (feelings) comes with a Bad behaviour (attack) from the woman we love 😢 What to do in thar very moment and LATER then..🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@aiLoveE]

i hear that a part of you feels ... right now

[@Mike80528]

Sorry, but defending yourself is necessary even in ungrounded accusations. Lack of any response is often taken as acquiescence. That said, a stronger defense is to simply deny and force the others to make their point. By doing so, making THEM look bad.

[@inconnu4961]

@@Mike80528 This very well could be true! It all depends on what kind of nutjob woman you managed to select. I think its worthwhile to try his suggestion first, especially with minor accusations, and see how she responds/reacts, and if she reacts as you suggest, then do the defense.

[@jaytee5820]

Adding the "I feel" and "right now" to the beginning and end of a woman's negative statements towards you is a great suggestion. Adding the "I feel" and "right now" to the beginning and end of a woman's positive statements towards you is a fugging genius level suggestion and brutal dose of reality when you do it. Brilliant episode.

[@MRindependentTHINK]

Not just the negative statements.. But added to All statements. She says : I love you Quickly translate it to I feel I LOVE YOU right now. Do that and you'll never lose frame

[@brandongray1059]

No doubt. Women are almost like children whose emotions you have to manage...

[@justathinker8669]

I feel I should throw you out of my life right now. Yeah, I agree, those are great words to add to the beginning and ending and acting upon 😂

[@motorbikeray]

What @jaytee5820 wrote above states perfectly what I was going to write. 👍 Brilliant episode from Orion Taraban, Psy.D.

[@MeidoInHebun]

She's not yours, it's just your turn.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

I wish I knew this 10 years ago. Young millennials and Gen Z don't know how lucky they are hearing this type of practical information before they make any costly lifelong mistakes.

[@codniggh1139]

Those "men" don't really hear this advices, they defend the woke ideas and idealize women, they will only will value this things when they fall in that mistakes and awake. But they are extremely submissive, so meanwhile the will be attacking this kind of people and advices.

[@peripheralparadox4218]

They don’t know how lucky we are that we aren’t a part of that generation.

[@15longway]

This Same info was around 15 years ago. You just wasn't looking for it. Nothing new under the sun or most of yt

[@CaliforniatoWestAfrica]

​@drwayne_carter9115that's not true bro except your right about not being able to afford a house. those of us like me went through bad relationships then was forced to start over and now we can't afford stuff either. some like went over seas with our pension and now had to downgrade our life. I'm now in West Africa at 53 starting over. trust me you are getting great advice nowadays and most of it is being aware of family law corruption. good luck to you. live well and apply what you know now and help others.

[@bernardmatias7046]

@@peripheralparadox4218 yeah well it’s mostly your fault though, ever think about that? maybe because of how your generation brought up the younger generations?

[@jeremykelly3633]

I JUST used this strategy with my kid’s mom. It worked to PERFECTION. She literally couldn’t say anything else when I sandwiched her emotional thoughts with “you feel”…”right now” through accurate reflection. Took about two cycles. She was genuinely incapable of dragging me into an emotional argument. It was beautiful! Lol

[@chlyon]

Game theory optimized FTW

[@josepsoler4124]

Married man for decades with children here. Listen up folks, he is absolutely right!!!

[@muditsingh5686]

before my dad left this earth, he told me the exact same stuff in this video. Seems like most male experiences are quite similar in nature

[@shaunpearce6846]

I feel that "I love you" right now.

[@clevelandwilliams5922]

@@muditsingh5686They think they’ve worked out something, that was around for millennia. Reason this stuff has to be regurgitated, because we as humans have to learn the hard way & therefore keep repeating the same rubbish.

[@muditsingh5686]

@@clevelandwilliams5922 true

[@BxBL85]

A man either accepts being a taken as a fool or live a life of solitude. Very few endure the path of loneliness indefinitely, at some point they cave in.

[@Chaparro.Locochon.88]

My girl got mad watching your video because what you say is exactly on point

[@siriussaracen8371]

Why do women get mad when they hear the truth? Literally so annoying.

[@XTRABIG]

@@siriussaracen8371 because they didn't want you to understand them... but they do. See? they thrive in your confusion. it's a weapon to them.

[@aaronfogelsanger2550]

Run dude, I've bought women houses, cars and a free life but you can Never buy their loyalty. 35 years of failed relationships here, costing me 2 houses and 3 fortunes. Here's an old man saying... Nothing ruins a perfect plan like a woman

[@XTRABIG]

@@aaronfogelsanger2550 BRO. Ur speaking the gospel. the most selfish creature on the planet is a woman. I've lost my share of time attempting to please my women. no more. a waste of time, energy, and resources. your comment needs to be highlighted

[@ScientistBaffled]

​@@aaronfogelsanger2550🤡🤡🤡

[@TruthsSake]

Wherever the wind blows, a woman’s emotions goes.

[@PJ-om2wq]

I feel, "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part", right now.

[@mudabaduda8310]

Hahaah

[@samgilo1173]

😂, fuck 😮

[@KyaniteXFR]

The only problem is that the state will not see your point and you will be severely punished financially if you use it in that context. Unless you’re marrying up 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@riccardoc1711]

Right now is ever always now. (Cant escape it). So basically now is forever. Ps the now is not to be mistaken with the “situation” unfolding of course!

[@ScotchIrishHoundsman]

Yep. They’re the devil.

[@ButcherSevenActual]

The “sandwich” treatment applied to the positive statements is absolute GOLD. I’ve had to learn the hard way that many times what a woman says is only true in the moment.

[@sebudesu]

I wasn’t expecting it at all, but makes sense too 🥲

[@jeffreylylemason]

It is gold. Already used it on a positive today

[@ONETimothy2.12-14]

You're all being fooled into a life of misery. Draw a hard line and put the nagging maniac in her place.

[@GMacII]

9:53 - This is called ‘Mirroring’ a Chris Voss classic that works 100% of the time. Also the sandwich technique is pure GOLD!!!! I think back on arguments with former lovers and I kick myself mentally, but this is a learning moment. Be the Mountain, not the Weather.

[@Torah_Firma]

Putting her positives in the sandwich reminds you that your relationship is permanently temporary.

[@joshmarciniak8856]

If you think about it, everything in life is this way

[@Torah_Firma]

@@joshmarciniak8856 agreed, some things more temporary than others.

[@zhhrah]

@@Torah_FirmaNot even the wind can change as fast as their emotional state

[@inconnu4961]

@@zhhrah Amen ! LOL

[@Dinoslay]

As in, *conditional.* There is no escaping it.

[@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT]

Easy. Always be emotionally capable of letting her go if she wants you to change something fundamental about yourself and your dreams. I’ve experienced both sides of this. When you set boundaries and stay calm when they test you, maintaining the moral high ground, they know you aren’t naive. They will respect you. Then they can decide if they want to change themselves to stay with you or find another guy. Whether they stay or walk, you win by not losing yourself.

[@jeedwards1981]

Wow well said, I need to write this down somewhere!

[@xARTi5Tx]

Add kids to this situation, now go! Doesn’t work, you must be willing to humble yourself, and find a way to compromise for the sake of what’s now more important than your life and dreams.. your family. If you’re dating, then yeah, this is great advice. If your married and/or have children, God be with you!

[@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT]

@@xARTi5Tx true. One would hope that these problems are uncovered before bringing innocent life into the situation. But many times they aren’t, in which case you must compromise your values to appease the woman’s feelings. Women are very smart and act differently before marriage and children so you must be very cautious. I know this first hand.

[@xARTi5Tx]

👆🏼

[@smokingcrab2290]

Yes. The moral high ground. Always play that card. However, they are so immature they will think of you as a cuck even if you have the moral high ground

[@billsinclair6515]

this is the power of the internet, married 40 years and have lived and breathed everything this man said. I have been educated thank you sir

[@zoranmatavulj3077]

ahhh crap...I needed this 2 hours ago...the damage is already done😂😂

[@vladh5192]

No, the most recent time you needed this was 2 hours ago. There have likely been more moments in your life when this may have been useful, though - and it's definitely the same for me. Now is better than later, so keep your head high.

[@mrsherwood2599]

You'll have another opportunity for growth in...a few hours 😅😅

[@Aiketin87]

No, no, you feel like you needed this two hours ago, at this time.

[@Eddybo22]

You got it now so use it going forward

[@lrt14174]

@@Aiketin87 that was a good one 😄👍

[@vladanr74]

Every young man needs to hear this. I learned all this the hard way.

[@MrMatthewhg]

Trouble is young people are 1. dealing very, very attractive other young people and 2. they are pumped full of hormones that dictate most of their decisions. Almost impossible for them to overcome either fact. If they were dealing with passive aggressive, post menopausal, overweight women after many decades in the same relationship, they would be much more able to see things clearly. Sexual attraction is very, very hard to overcome.

[@Chitownsfinesthoops]

I agree I need to share this to my nephew it will most likely save his life 😊

[@lastsonofabraham2678]

Same

[@Aiguy1905]

@@MrMatthewhg what do you mean exactly ?

[@juliusseizure3039]

The part where you said, "I'm not responsible for someone else's emotions " is golden. But coping with their emotions is exhausting. It's easier to change them out routinely so that this behavior doesnt keep repeating itself. I dont need to be emotionally abused just because she feels a certain way. It is not okay to start shit just because they have emotions.

[@cashisclear]

Exactly. Most married men are akin to punching bags nowadays. Sad reality.

[@northernguy8860]

Something to remember: if she's still capable of getting upset, she still cares. Her passion may be temporarily misguided, but at least the spark is still there. Some woman need the full spectrum of highs and lows to feel alive. They'll create drama when the waters are too calm. They'll poke you with a stick just to hear your growl, to know you still care.

[@ephraimwinslow]

Exactly... and I mean exactly... like a difficult child fishing for attention & validation.

[@Rhinopiek]

And then they poke too much pushing one away and then wonder what happens.

[@Kal-El207]

That’s exhausting.

[@Aspire705]

⁠@@Kal-El207And immature, and selfish, and destructive, and chaotic, and annoying, and and and any number of other unpleasant things that no rational man would want to deal with.

[@Dev-qs2yb]

​@@ephraimwinslowthe same reason they wear g strings and thongs and underwears on beach, they are like dogs chasing their owner's attention in my eyes, "look at me master", they say they do it for themselves, tell me what will anyone get from getting their butt out around everyone, like what is it? What are they benefitting from doing so if it's really for them? Same goes with makeup.

[@iammichaeldavis]

Jesus man this is 12 minutes of *solid* *gold*. ESPECIALLY the end, don’t just do this to negative statements, do it to the positive ones also, to keep your ego in check. This video is priceless

[@mntccd]

Memento mori.

[@madslasher18]

I thought the exact same thing

[@EriPages]

Yup.

[@maximedelille1287]

One of the most underrated videos on KZbin. Thanks. Let s all spread this incredible practice!

[@onebridge7231]

I’m 51 now and a lot more stoic in the face of a female emotionally charged situation. Actually, I’m no longer dealing with it. I just use one word and then don’t say anything else. That word is, “Noted”. Then I go and spend my time doing something for me. My partner is either complimentary to my life or not. She has the choice to leave.

[@threethrushes]

This. Stoicism saves lives.

[@cc1drt]

@@threethrushes”saves lives” also that guy: alone at 51

[@clintkysar1446]

@@cc1drt also his choice men control the commitment women control the sex and so if he does not want to commit do to undesirable traits he doesn't have to simple really, and women can and do control there emotions and feels for bosses so why not for there husband or potential husband.

[@jovanscepanovic8856]

totaly agree!@@clintkysar1446

[@KadoTheNorm]

@@cc1drtalone isn’t a failure, especially if you’ve already had your children and raised them. I look at being alone in my 50s as a peaceful idea, friends and family are needed but a “life partner” is an option and can really hamper your one and only life if you’re not compatible. Not everyone is lonely when alone

[@mfouad01ify]

You said in 12 minutes what takes years to comprehend through experience , On point !

[@1091Floyd21]

And there's actually quite a lot of repetition in that 12 minutes!

[@TheTibbzify]

Top episode👏. Your content is golden and will last forever. I have gained so much perspective 🙏. Love the duplicate messages part 😅

[@alwaysgreatusa223]

With women everything is for right now. This is why Masculine Indifference is always required to deal with their ever-changing emotional states.

[@jim-se5xc]

Just repeat her whining statement in a whining high pitched toddler's voice. Give it straight back to her. Very often she'll laugh.

[@Josith13]

My indifference increases when good games come out to distract me from the fact they're likely getting attention from other dudes ⚰️

[@hastensavoir7782]

@@jim-se5xcLike Homer Simpson? 🤪

[@papoprimearchon9910]

@@jim-se5xcwomen dont have retrospection

[@jeedwards1981]

How do I employ this indifference? Like how should I act? I am dealing with her crazy emotions over literally nothing right now.

[@sameerpandya1947]

Outstanding video. A big mistake I have made in life is thinking the words from a woman were absolutes - being told I was the best man she had ever been with meant I had achieved something permanent, when it was just a temporary and passing moment of elation. Thanks for this video.

[@marlona6503]

This may be one of his best talks yet. As a 39 year old recently divorced father of two leaving a 17 year relationship I agree 1000% with this message! Young men would we wise to absorb the message. This man is doing God’s work!

[@p0rt3r]

When women say "I love you" and want the man to say it back, men often hesitate, because they feel it's a huge, permanent statement that is not to be made lightly. Meanwhile women just meant it in a temporary sense of "in this moment" and are shocked that men can't say it, even though they clearly are enjoying the moment... ahaha, oh man, what a revelation!

[@GidarGaming]

Yeah but... maybe then the man tries to say it thinking it's only transient, and years later the woman says "but you said you loved me" as if it was a permanent thing... meanwhile when she says it she probably does mean it is transient?

[@wurzzzz]

@@GidarGaming You can't really win that game ever with any woman though and it's pointless to worry about it (in fact worrying about it will make you less attractive to her and push her away). As Orion illustrates in the video, if she says "you said you loved me" she's really just weaponizing intimacy to try and hurt/provoke you. The problem isn't the statement you made in the past, it's that you did something to make her feel uneasy or upset (or she just has other things in her life that make her feel uneasy/upset) and that's her way of expressing it. The salient point is when a person is communicating emotionally (even men) they don't necessarily care about the truth/logic/etc of the statement. They are just trying to convey their emotion often in the strongest way possible.

[@matthewnorris203]

Thanks for pointing this out. This explains why I have a tough time saying back to people.

[@DoritoWorldOrder]

Fickle creatures

[@MassimilianoBariola]

And you say back: "you feel that you love me" 😂

[@BWater-yq3jx]

This is really a more detailed and eloquent version of 'Regard women as grown children, in their emotional responses'. And of course, holds just as true.

[@feloniousmonk3049]

They change very little, past the age of 13 or 14. I remember very clearly in Jr high school, how fickle girls got by the time they reached 9th grade. How they felt yesterday, vs today about you, they could turn on a dime! But this " I feel \" insert comment\ at this moment" makes the concept CRYSTAL CLEAR. He is a very astute scientific observer.

[@JD..........]

Don Draper: "I feel like I'm talking to a little girl."

[@Jake-mi3bj]

100% correct but there is a difference. I expect these volatile behaviors from a child and I expect to teach them how to work past issues. What is not my expectation or responsibilities is to navigate volcano 3D verbal chess with a fully grown adult female just because I always have to be 100% perfect and in "control" while she flies off the handle or judges and remembers every small thing I did, didn't, or sat or do wrong. It's not worth it, not even innthe slightest just for a small amount of intimacy and "companionship"? No thanks, I can get better love from a dog coming home to a nice quite empty big house filled with objectives or projects that don't give stress or anxiety and have constant peace

[@cashisclear]

​@@Jake-mi3bjyes sir

[@practicalpupa8192]

I just figured this out last year that that these miscommunications almost always go away if I remember a) that temporary emotional statements and b) to remember what it is that made her feel that way so that I can either apologize for it or take a more delicate path in the future. The sandwich method is the best way I've heard it visualized!

[@TheMonk82828]

This is the definition of cleverness. The fact that you can change your perspective of things by adding words to a statement is brilliant. I'm defenetly doing this in my next relationship

[@gsftom]

If that doesn’t work, get a dog.

[@henryhoover3953]

No this is the definition of cope.

[@johnybrokeit]

Your words have been Gold over the recent years! Thank you 🤝

[@webderek10]

Thanks, I love your channel for its practicality and implicit support for men and have also bought your book which I’m currently reading. Your choice of classic cover images for your KZbin episodes and book is appreciated. I’d suggest you find a much more catchy title for your book though - “The Value Of Others” as a title feels very distant and uninspiring.

[@aaronlang2764]

Fantastic... How many men have heard you're the greatest "blah" ever from a woman only to be in trouble an hour later. Women feel and change like the weather in WI..

[@TA-ht4jo]

They’re like children! 😂

[@meejmuas8686]

You can buy her a house, car and lifestyle but you can never buy her loyalty. Always be on your toes men

[@bud5084]

If they aren't happy, no amount of money you spend on them will make them happy.

[@1871corporationUSA]

close contact, and inter course keep women in line

[@kehinde11]

If you buy love, you'll never stop paying

[@yasserfathelbab1534]

I thank Allah I grew up in a Muslim community. We have strong families filled with respect and love, and adultery is rare.. :)

[@ManishKumar-vp5gb]

@@yasserfathelbab1534 keep living in fool's paradise

[@ibn_alhussein]

The sandwich technique is absolutely inspired..

[@lenosleno-ld1qe]

Adding The sandwich to a positive statement is genius. Doc just dismantled, cracked, resolved the heartbreaking mystery of every men walked on earth.

[@kagi95]

I've been following the pickup, social dynamics and redpill community for over a decade now and I'm positively blown away at the quality of information in your videos. It's so rare to see solid, masculine and relevant advice like this, which isnt defeatist or blackpilled.

[@syedarfath9298]

Hey What communities are these, where can I join them?

[@CanadianSoupMafia]

I remember when "red pill" had nothing to do with degen coomer simps.

[@ModernDatingMastery]

*I love the idea of starting and ending with positivity; it makes the whole interaction feel balanced and respectful!*

[@ParisTNT]

Smart AF. Thanks for sharing this technique. I work with men in The Netherlands who lead a men’s workshop teaching men how to disarm feminine drama (25 different destructive patterns). This technique for keeping your cool could be a nice adding. I’ll show them the episode.

[@justdetox]

Do you mind sharing your Website?

[@Reallgeemachine]

his technique seems to be simply applying the ideals of creating distance to emotions. If I am feeling depressed, I can say to myself, right now I feel depressed. or I am having the feeling that I am depressed. It seems he repurposed this to create emotional distance between the man and his female partners emotions. Ideally the woman would do this herself before she has some childish outburst though.

[@ameya7723]

@@ParisTNT Basically a tutorial for men to deal with wild animals

[@TheMrDarius]

Can we give this man a round of applause for him showing us a major wife hack. That was a real eye opener I needed because I instantly jump to defensive mode but I’m going to try this because it seems so much more peaceful.

[@sharingstoke]

Used to be me too. Counseling helped me, but the sandwich is amazing … reflecting is the win. Staying out of their emotions is very hard. Especially when being challenged. Feeling defensive is the right feeling, because it’s like wtf woman. 😂 definitely major wife hack

[@LeteNoff]

The best wife hack is to not get any wife at all.

[@TheMrDarius]

@@LeteNoff I can’t argue that

[@edheldude]

I just have my women learn NVC (Nonviolent communication) and take responsibility over how they express themselves.

[@adamanderson1190]

I have adopted the exact same strategy after years of studying and suffering in interactions with females. A tough lesson to learn. As far as I can tell, this gets at the crux of the communication issue between men and women. Thanks for the beautiful and concise explanation.

[@Michael-go9hm]

Note to myself: The sandwich trick is 1) to place "I feel" in front of any emotional state she expreses of you and 2) to put "right now" at the end her statements, this will give you a bigger and clear perspective aswell as not to take whatever she said personal or somethintbyou need to disproof.. its just her experience so you cant argue. 3) To descalate situations of conflict, use reflection methods like repeating what she said with "you feel that .....same thing she said........" And let her continue, it will make her feel heard and calm her down.

[@Martyn_Wolf]

Use the the "I feel" tactic against them, I do. Doesn't mean it works all the time, it certainly means they have less of a chance to ensare you in an emotional rant that's usually created in her own head then self projected onto you.

[@DavidJames-h7h]

Also remember take all the negative emotion , sarcasm etc out of your tone of interactions otherwise she will reflect it back 10 fold to you

[@Martyn_Wolf]

@@DavidJames-h7h Nah I go raw and unfiltered

[@ruminantmelanoid5444]

Since women's emotions are like the weather in Louisiana (if you don't like it, wait 15 minutes...it will change), this helps prevent getting swept up WITH her. Don't get too low, *OR* too high.

[@inconnu4961]

LOL we have this same saying about New England weather! But i reckon we get a lil more snow here than you do in cajun country!

[@squidvis]

Hey fellow Louisianan! So I guess winter is just over now and summer came early this year huh? 😂

[@eppsislike]

As someone who grew up in The Netherlands, I can firmly agree. Being bothered by a woman's emotions is like getting bothered with the changing weather. it's pointless.

[@VladimirSutinovski]

Broooo! This should be taught in preschool, by far the most valuable advice that anyone has given me since birth, thank you 🙏

[@robertdellamar5386]

I just downloaded this video. I've set alarms and other reminders to ensure I'll watch this once a week for an entire year. Wow... Thank you.

[@GyatRizzler69-of3wl]

You have an extra chromie?

[@edgaras55555]

same . this is statement on the front porch.

[@cloisonnegreen]

I think you're great for doing this.

[@MeidoInHebun]

I had heard a very similar advice a few years ago but simpler, and honestly it amazed me the way it worked so well. I was told to just say "I understand you feel" + repeat what she says, and 9 out of 10 times she will calm down. Women's brains are fascinating, in the same way worms' or flies' are.

[@MiteshDamania]

😂😂😂

[@BehililMohammedkaddourE]

Bro 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@MeidoInHebun]

@St.Buddha_Brahman-Sun_of_Light Lol, be my guest.

[@paullonglee]

Thank you, Dr. Taraban. This video just gave me a lightbulb moment, I can see this being an effective strategy in the face of accusations. I wish I knew this years ago, would have prevented so much heartbreak. Thank you for all that you do, please keep up the good work 🙏

[@khotsopitso3500]

As a linguistics erudite, I relish your command of the English language. Truly refreshing.

[@genuinsanity]

My friend was the master of not getting defensive ...he would laugh and tell her " I know you're trying to get me to lose my cool."

[@enough1494]

Master manipulator, for he wanted her to lose her cool.

[@eugy2008]

Your friend just didnt care. It's not the same thing as staying cool with a woman you care about.

[@enough1494]

Narcissistic! Seriously!

[@RoyceRippere]

Minimizing, belittling, undermining

[@lejoserex]

They laugh when you say this and refuse to partake in the tomfoolery....they laugh, it's terrifying. I usually go straight to thinking she is cheating...

[@WilliamKirkland-j4r]

Thanks. Just went through a similar exchange with an 83 old lady 'friend' and I am 87 - so, life goes on - no matter what else happens. Good advice,

[@cijalrahim6875]

How is it being an 87 year old on KZbin?

[@HeyJuuude-05]

@@cijalrahim6875What I wouldn’t pay to see his algorithmic feed?

[@HeyJuuude-05]

@MountainViews90 Let’s not mock him now, we don’t know anything about him.

[@user-go2xi7zq5q]

Wow, an 87 year old on the internet. You are older than the oldest people I interact with (as my grandparents are all already dead tho I’m just 23) You are rare in these here spaces my good sir

[@HeyJuuude-05]

@@user-go2xi7zq5q He should create a KZbin channel in which he relates stories about his life. I would subscribe to it in a heartbeat.

[@defenderbear]

This made me laugh out loud. I turn 33 this November and have been with the same woman for nearly 12 years now. Not once has this concept been more clearly and concisely explained to me. This immediately clicked in my head. Great information. Next time I have some cash to spare I will be sending it your way. Much appreciated.

[@danielj3010]

"I feel I love you 'right now'.." LMAO

[@Blueslyfox]

😭 shit is crazy

[@levismirnoff5450]

That is the reality though.

[@iamvegeta2008]

Han Solo knew about this, which is why he only said "I know" as reply 😜

[@beckya6724]

This is scary bro ,i can't go back to my old way of thinking 😂

[@sanjaydaanu]

Living in the moment 😂

[@dj.nokap.]

When I got divorced after 13.5 years together, my ex constantly attacked me like that. She said that I never loved her, and never cared for her - even though my depression and self-cancellation fed her narcissism during the entire relationship. I wish I've seen your videos two years ago. Thank you for this.

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

Stop engaging with her. Narcissists are gone gone.

[@jorgenieto7608]

Man I know the feeling. I have been separated 16 months after 19 years of marriage. I am not going back to her. I started to heal and be my self again. Blessings man!!

[@snarfarpher2416]

OMG. I am pulled over in my car right now. This literally just changed my life. I actually feel validated in every argument ive ever had. The weight that just got lifted! I can breathe!

[@niranjandeo7010]

I always by default used to counter using facts and used to wonder why it never worked even though the facts were on my side. This clears up a lot of confusion. Thanks a lot!

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

My experience is that nothing causes a more delusional disconnect with reality than incontrovertible facts that contradicted her feelings. Nothing. Narcissism is the abomination of desolation.

[@zuibeckpulezon4626]

Females HATE FACTS ...never use facts.

[@learningisfun2108]

Ya, facts don’t stand a chance against her feelings in the moment. Later, when everyone is calm, facts may help. To a woman, her feelings often trump facts. Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars. It helps to remember this.

[@trucid2]

What she thought she was saying: I feel... etc. What she heard you respond with: You don't feel that way because [facts].

[@jeremybennett5547]

I’m fairly natural and keeping my cool (very aware of my emotional response) Every girl I’ve dated that says “you don’t love me” or “you hate me” in a dispute I tell them to come here kindly, after some hesitation they usually come close. I always just wrapped them in my arms (after opening them to them so they know I want them close) and talked to them tell them they know I love them and some subtle soothing shshsh’s like I would a younger child (because they are usually emotional at this point) as it is comforting. And then we talk as I hold them as they feel comfortable and safe.

[@ddenise8428]

Wow, that's the best way to handle her, notice that a lot of women start to call their mate "daddy". You just totally helped her understand/reminded her that she is being loved by you (who's important to her). That's so brilliant ! I think you've got it , you've found the answer!!!!! 💖🙏✝️

[@-Clarence-]

@@ddenise8428not really. He said every girl not 1 girl. Dude’s a player who can’t keep his dick to one chick

[@yournameisfamous9429]

I felt compelled to send this one.

[@diamondzflush6039]

Best thing I've ever learned about women is that they need drama and they feel uncomfortable with long periods of peace..Therefore, they'll purposely do things to start arguments or try to get under your skin. Someone who is committed to being offended by or arguing with you is going to find a way regardless of what strategy you ploy. You can't completely ignore them but you definitely don't want to get emotionally riled up in these situations. If you do, it's essentially reinforcing/rewarding bad behavior.

[@IreneCampos-tk2vd]

sounds like those are damaged/ delusional women. Drama isn't necessary in a healthy persons life but there needs to be some kind of entertainment/fun in order to balance the boredom of everyday life.

[@Candlelight787]

I beg do defer sir. They definitely can be ignored indefinitely.

[@diamondzflush6039]

@@Candlelight787 I agree...If you're not living with them

[@amareu3133]

This is true, and why I've broken up with so many women. I value my peace over everything.

[@gsftom]

I agree with all of these comments.

[@erichmacho5741]

It shows you how many women are so emotionally minded. You can see how he adds "I feel" and "right now" in order for us to understand female behavior. It's all about the feelz and the immediate situation. Somewhat akin to children. Emotion always rears it's head first due to coming on automatically by itself but rational thoughtful reasoning normally requires work in a though process and takes time, intelligence and self control.

[@sandorbenedek3856]

they never be not emotional. they work: instinct, emotion, reason. you can force them to reason first but it will never become the default. and in this extremist femnitzi world, you cant force them. they are basically children, their animalistic layer is always on top. because of that their whole existence is about "feel good" = always satisfy her instinctual needs (aka reproduction) in the moment. this is why they never became a leader class of societies. they are just useful idlots for the system.

[@susanhaines7358]

Women are emotional and men logical. Even in the homosexual world one will be emotional aka more feminine. Two fem men are a mess. Cannot change how a person is created. Find a logical man is my best advice

[@PlubusDomis]

This is so true.. Keeping it real by reminding yourself that feelings can change, will keep you grounded and humble. Beautiful video topic, thank you for sharing!

[@josephnyongesa193]

The humble sandwhich has just risen in esteem in my eyes. Thanks doc.

[@tommiller7177]

I thought the sandwich strategy was .." go make me a sandwich". Lol

[@nycgweed]

How about I’m going out for a sandwich 😉

[@BrokeAgain]

you have to add " I feel "

[@levismirnoff5450]

@@nycgweed Just leaving the situation is probably the 2nd best move to take.

[@micromed5]

😂😂😂

[@NunYa-k3e]

Me too 😒

[@herbmanteas]

you are the master of understanding women. just following your advice for a week, i have a less complaining and arguing wife. I think i need to do an appointment with you. i watch this video even day for a week!

[@Neurost]

This episode is pure 24k gold. I’m glad people (me included) are reviving this wisdom. Thanks a lot!

[@Seetiyan]

Reading that, I can't help but hear MHD in my head saying "puuure gold!" 😆

[@emanuelishere]

I know for certain your wisdom will positively impact my interaction with women moving forward. In the past I gave reasons and explanations to an emotionally-charged woman. Not knowing I was validating what she felt in the moment. Now I am fully aware that doing so is like adding fuel to a fire. More accurate reflection instead. Thank you!

[@dashing932]

Simply brilliant.

[@gsftom]

“I feel” like that is some of the best advice I have ever heard regarding women and relationships “right now” 🙂. Thanks for sharing this.

[@zp5808]

This is still one of the best channels to learn things about relationhips. Teraban has already been a top shelf content creator but this video is on another level.

[@dav1d_andrew]

As a very unemotional man due to being somewhere on the spectrum, I definitely had missed a lot of these things early in life. It was fun to follow along and know some of the things you were gonna say just from trial and error. But that part when you said you have to append this to good emotional response responses man, I knew it, but had never even thought about it conceptually or as a real thing. This is one that could really hurt when you go deep with someone and realize it. Hope your stuff keeps showing up in my feed definitely gonna be donating. Great stuff here very relatable and non-toxic something that’s needed in the online space

[@TheDetectiveJ]

It is great that psychologists are recognizing and validating Patrice'a O'Neils ideas. I just wish he were credited more for the brilliance he had with no academic training in psychological study.

[@autarko]

I'm pretty sure it was from him that I originally heard the "I feel"... "right now" trick.

[@BlackMasterJoe89]

"I feel like you're the father of my baby right now."

[@margaretc5679]

😂

[@L6FT]

Yup, sad but true.

[@lylemcdermott2566]

"I feel like getting some milk right now" should be your answer.

[@djprojectus]

I feel like i am not the father of your child:)

[@danielj3010]

I feel like eating a halal pita sandwich 🥙

[@phinehastaylor6964]

This one made me subscribe. My wife is 6 weeks pregnant now and she hasn’t learned yet how to manage the mood swings that come from the increased hormones. This video is a life saver that came right on time

[@fdavyes]

Great timming, brother. Good luck!

[@sharonberry1958]

I feel so sorry both for your wife and the unfortunate child you will have.

[@cosmicystn3626]

congrates in advance but... why would she learn if you havent taught her and why would she? thats just how women are

[@sharonberry1958]

@@cosmicystn3626 Hope it's a girl.

[@cal5444]

This is awesome, you can just simply say, "interesting." One of my biggest boundaries with my women is, they are never allowed to say "I love you" to me. They find it hard at first but after some time they learn to adapt to "I adore it when..." Keeps me in pace with them and lets them feel like they are setting the stage. Reality I'm paying attention to their actions.

[@nathanwhitley3358]

Extremely simple but potent advice. As many others, I wish I knew this sooner but better late than never. I’d tried dismissing positive comments to prevent that kind of ego boost and manipulation but I would be very defensive in the face of strong emotions aimed at me and things got worse and worse.

[@PeopleVoicesForObama]

You are entirely correct, Doc. It took me 45 years as a man to understand this. I wish every young man understood this concept. It will save them lots of headaches in their relationships.

[@derekhamel2991]

This is possibly the most useful tool I've heard shared in any of your videos I've come across. Thank you

[@ayobnazir]

One of the most helpful videos I’ve ever watched on relationships. Thank you

[@braysive4380]

Possibly the most valuable episode you've put out and that's saying something.

[@maxdawg]

once again, my crazy uncle was right when he was teaching me game 30 yrs ago. his words: "when she's screaming out of control... don't pay it any mind. that's just her sweating-out her feelings in the moment. just repeat what she said (reflection), nod your head a/o smirk, and keep calm... it will blow over." this was a great episode. thanks Doc.

[@Laar1]

Wise wise words. The things you are talking about are something that men usually have to learn by experiencing these things with women. Failing first and slowly maturing.

[@peripheralparadox4218]

My mum asked me if I stole her diamond rings a few years ago. I said I didn’t steal them without being defensive. ‘Well where are they then?’ ‘I have no idea’ After telling EVERYONE that I had stolen them, a few weeks later she found them. She had forgotten where she had hidden them. Then she had the gall to say ‘you could’ve tried harder to reassure me that you hadn’t taken them’. I don’t talk to her anymore.

[@goldilocks913]

Man that’s sad. Take care 👍

[@ChrisPTY507]

Your mom is a narcissist. Typical behavior where they resort to deflection in order to avoid being held accountable after they threw a smear campaign on you. Definitely keep her at arm’s length.

[@LittleMew133]

Wtf, you need to take her to get mental health checkup. That's not normal. I mean my grandma did that before onset of dementia.

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

She’s mentally ill, but still pathologically toxic. Have empathy for her, but still avoid her if she’s so toxic it brings you down.

[@katannyadirkson6147]

😢

[@pedromarcos1541]

Your advices are pure gold man! I’m using this technique and it’s working

[@mohamedchibanibahiamar9555]

Orion. This is one of your best episodes. Thank you

[@simoncameron4355]

I honestly don't care if it is, "I feel" or not. The fact she can't calibrate her words to the person she is speaking to is telling me she is too childish and immature and it is time to step away. Edit: if it keeps happening.

[@Mike-f7d8k]

I agree. Although, this is useful for dealing with a family member because you can't as easily eject them from your life. Everyone else gets zero tolerance and is immediately replaced I say. If you can't adult, you can't be around me.

[@NickMart1985]

Congrats, you don’t get it.

[@simoncameron4355]

@@NickMart1985 sorry buddy, people (especially women) didn't talk like this 20 years ago... Clearly you don't understand the comment.

[@NickMart1985]

@@simoncameron4355 women havent changed that much in 20 years. Publicly and socially maybe, privately and personally they have not.

[@alvin3009]

​@NickMart1985 Nah, SimonCameron is right, your way sounds like being a doormat.

[@mke3053]

Wow... give this man a Nobel!!!

[@stnhls]

Funny how my girlfriend once literally said: You must be guilty because of the way you react, innocent people stay calm. After which I researched that, and actually the opposite is true. In fact someone who is lying or guilty will most likely remain calm, and think about what to say and how to handle the situation in stead of going into the defense. I then explained this to her after which we had a huge fight about it 😂.

[@BrayoTintsAndWraps]

“Truth hurts”

[@themalawiandiner180]

Depends on the individual, there people who go into defense mode when guilty, they don't need to think about it, cause they are good at lying.

[@midasredblade236]

known this for years thank to red pill , but man...your presentation is on another level.

[@user-go2xi7zq5q]

Forreal. But he is a professional psychologist too

[@sandorbenedek3856]

this is not red pill. he calls women adults even tho he properly describes how they work. he cannot connect the dots. watch Rollo Tomassi the Rational Male if you really want to learn about the Red Pill.

[@pixllo]

Very simple trick, I wish I knew it before. Thinking back on every "crazy" interaction with my exes, I'll admit I fell into that trap.

[@sehalos]

Thank you for this advice. You are the best relationship advice channel in KZbin.

[@SerpentineWisdom]

This is something I've already been doing for some years now and I dont just do this with women. It was an epihpany I had that NOTHING should ever be taken personally. Everything everyone ever does or says is ultimately a reflection of their own standards, beliefs, and values. To think im smart means that i met your standard of intellect. To think im dumb means i did not meet your standard of intellect. To like my blue hair is likely because you prefer that particular color. If we both look at the SAME painting...you love it. I hate it. Did the painting change? No. It simply held a mirror up to our personal standards of beauty and art. It met yours. It didnt meet mine. Nothing is ever personal. Its all a reflection of the person themselves. Once you truly ACCEPT this as a fundamental belief within your subconscious mind, you not only stop taking things personally but you also learn to shift perspectives effortlessly. You can at the drop of a dime switch to the perspective of the person who disagrees with you and accept that this is what they believe in. And if you knew the full context as far as WHY they believe in what they believe...you would understand EVEN FURTHER how much it has nothing at all to do with you. Stop taking responsibility for others words, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. They aren't yours. They're theirs.

[@preston2345]

my girlfriend would think I have cte if I said "so you feel like I'm an asshole right now" four times. it might deescalate it though because instead of anger she'll feel sad that I've gone insane, thanks !

[@susanhaines7358]

I would believe you heard me and respond with yes. That is exactly how I feel.

[@ronpalmer7260]

Profound knowledge. Great tool. When arguing with a woman once about honesty she stated I meant it when I said it. That statement troubled me for a long time. This video helps put that statement into perspective.

[@BoatMurderedDF]

This advice is pure gold.

[@Vitriol-Divergent]

I've had a theory this is why women never shut up about how "vulnerability is strength". Yeah. Your choosing to be vulnerable for them is their strength.

[@cloisonnegreen]

or rather our SAFETY. Your vulnerability to US guarantees our safety FROM YOU. (because yes, you can actually become our threat). We want you to be strong to the rest of the world but vulnerable to US. How does this not make sense to so many men?

[@Vitriol-Divergent]

@@cloisonnegreen Too many of us have had our vulnerability taken advantage of by women that we trusted with it. Some of us the majority of women, some of us all of them. It DOES make sense to us in that we understand a woman's needs always come first, especially to her.

[@TruthsSake]

@@cloisonnegreen That sounds nice and poetic but the reality is, men have learned to listen not to what women say but what they do. And what they do is typically the opposite of what they say. So it sounds nice and poetic of what you say about women wanting men to be vulnerable, but men’s experience is that it’s used against tell AND/OR being too open/vulnerable is eventually is received as being weak. Even if she consciously isn’t thinking that directly, subconsciously she is because women are adapted to not look for weakness in mean because it’s a survival strategy. Women typically say things to get results whereas men say things they actually feel, to get to the truth. Words are a means to an end for women whereas words are a means to an end for men. This is why men can’t take what women say at their word. They must judge them by their actions.

[@ssIIWOWIIss]

Thanks

[@davidb7989]

Truer words were never spoken about women!

[@bobdavis7290]

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Reflection, is hilarious. The British Comedian, Benny Hill (RIP), used to do comedy skits on "reflection." He'd dress up as a middle aged woman, wearing a whig, doing dishes in the kitchen being interviewed by some off-screen voice. BH, in drag, would say to the camera, "I love doing dishes with Happy Spring Dish Soap." The off screen voice would say, ...you love doing dishes with Happy Spring Soap? "Yes, and it smells so wonderful." It smells so wonderful. "Yes, and it's easy on my hands and it makes my skin feel so good!" ...your skin is nice and you like that? "Yes, I'm so happy I feel good washing dishes with Happy Spring Soap." ...and you're happy. "Yes, and when the dishes are done, I can move on to something else." ...so you can move on to the next thing? "Yes, .... this skit never stopped! 🤣

[@nathanielbrown8718]

I did so much counseling growing up living with narcs and borderlines and this lesson right here would have helped me so much.

[@Brendan_Greyloch]

The concept of everything a woman feels is temporary is very true. Loyalty would require a permanent love, and women aren't capable of that I believe.

[@ashfordj81]

Just from the title, the image of the Gordon Ramsay idiot sandwich meme popped into my head. That probably wouldn't be a great strategy.

[@LittleMew133]

"What are you¿"

[@georgeelder8415]

​@@LittleMew133From Boston?

[@LittleMew133]

@@georgeelder8415 Wot from Boston? The idiot sammiches?

[@Zero_Zero_Zero_Zero]

If a woman says that nonsense to me I'm skating. I don't care enough to parse their BS and play mental games in order to be able to tolerate childish behavior and manipulation. This is why I love the first 3 to 6 months of the relationship. I'm getting all the good stuff without any of this manipulative nonsense. When the nonsense starts, my attention is directed elsewhere. Audios muchacha.

[@nodeout5465]

“When the nonsense starts, my attention is directed elsewhere.” Identifying manipulative behavior and moving on from it is key to maintaining peace in life. Great comment 100%

[@MVProfits]

Sad but fact. I know that I would like it otherwise, but after that 3-6 months, sometimes longer, yep, it happens. And I'm mentally out, if not completely out. Not by my predetermined choice, it's just I won't tolerate that crap. And a new gal won't do that. Even worse to numb us, a gal breaking up with her BF/husband after years will "feel" all these love emotions for a new guy right away. Oh, those will be fleeting too but for us men it's bewildering at first to witness. That we are the recipient of those "love" emotions or the ex discarded.

[@TarpeianRock]

Describes to a tee my own experiences. Somehow after about those 6 months the BS starts happening, they can’t keep repressing those “feelings” they have. I have absolutely no patience or tolerance for that. (as I get older the lesser patience) Usually it means saying goodbye. The ‘funny thing’ is a lot come back after a while, sometimes years, to try to reconnect. Some would say it’s just how women are, take it or leave it, I usually Leave It.

[@jzen1455]

Same. I told my ex, I didn't appreciate her lack of trust in me and the unfounded assumptions she made. She came up with a long list of things she wanted me to change while she was unwilling to make a single change in herself. I told her I don't want to be with someone who lacks basic trust in me and expected me to all the changes.

[@cc1drt]

@@nodeout5465its a great way to permanently deteriorate your ability to pair bond. And dont say thats not the goal because if its not why are you bothering with relationships anyway? Also 3-6 months is pathetic, usually takes 1.5-2 years minimum before i hear a peep of anything like this. Maybe something shes saying really is your fault, but you wont hold yourself accountable either way because your ego is too fragile. poor guy