FRAME cannot be SHARED: a ship only has one captain

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In this episode, I respond to the most common critique of my conceptualization of frame as something that cannot be shared, namely: whether it's not possible for two people to create a mutually-constructed, egalitarian frame. Like socialism, this notion is associated with lofty ideals and noble sentiments, and -- like socialism -- it doesn't work like this in practice. I provide three reasons why this is the case.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #dating

[@psychacks]

In this episode, I respond to the most common critique of my conceptualization of frame as something that cannot be shared, namely: whether it's not possible for two people to create a mutually-constructed, egalitarian frame. Like socialism, this notion is associated with lofty ideals and noble sentiments, and -- like socialism -- it doesn't work like this in practice. I provide three reasons why this is the case. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #dating

[@big6316]

Every one of my three major relationships lasted more than a decade, one of them was 18 years and probably doesn't count because we started in high school. I was never married and only lived with one of them and that was the 18 year one. From what I remember of the other two, I was the one who was accommodating one of them and the other accommodated me. Neither one of those made me happier than the other but both of them left me, in keeping with the 80% statistic.

[@DNA350ppm]

The title is wrong if you take it too literally or too symbolically. Do think practically - what do you really know about sailing? When a 34 feet yacht is crossing the ocean it might take about 3 weeks or more, and you might be two, three or four people on board - you take turns to be the captain, so that all can get enough sleep, which is essential for the survival of all on board. Women and men can sail like this, taking turns, but only if the men respect the women, or it stays a one time crossing. Taking turns is otherwise a really good life-lesson, not bad at all!

[@xyaeiounn]

lol, socialism is a result of the success of capitalism as much as capitalism was only made possible by the age of global empires that feudalism created. You're a joke.

[@Dawnrunner42]

Unsure why a psychiatrist thinks they’re qualified to speak on politics. Earn a few polisci or economics degrees first.

[@tehdawson]

​@@DNA350ppm Navy sailor here. What you're referring to is called "standing the watch." As a watch stander, your job is to make sure the ship sails in accordance with the route already decided on by the captain. The captain leaves a set of instructions every night for you to follow. If you are unsure of what to do, you call the captain. Standing the watch does not make you the captain. If it did, then what's to stop you from saying "you know what, I know we've been going this way for the past 3 days, but we're gonna turn around and go the opposite direction instead." Then the next shift's "captain" decides to go in a completely different direction, and before you know it you've gone on a circle and have run out of supplies. So no, your analogy doesn't hold water (pun intended) and it seems clear that you don't know anything about sailing either.

[@Khan-rz8qi]

The masculine frame will always be the best base for a relationship to function. What I’ve come to realize is that it doesn’t matter that women say they want to share equal frame, they are far more loyal to their emotions, than the actual relationship itself, which inherently puts the relationship on constant shaky grounds. It’s up to the man to set order and structure with the masculine around the feminine. That way, the feminine is less prone to being chaotic, with the trust that there’s a healthy masculine surrounding it.💯

[@Sam-ng3of]

Isn't that biased towards women to put it on the man first and foremost

[@burt2800]

Women are more loyal to their emotions than they are to the relationship, that's a good way of putting it. I remember Orion made a video about this, can't remember the titel though. Maybe "Women treat relationships like jobs"?

[@josephkarogo-amethystinsur7247]

😅

[@JuanMoreno-wo5yb]

@@burt2800 *title* ❤

[@karamlevi]

Had a chick spend the night last night claiming she was tired and would immediately go to sleep. She was emphatic about it. She stayed up to 4am with me when prior it was 10pm. Most everything she said she didn’t do. Typical. And no I didn’t press her to stay up. All tests of strength ect ect ect

[@parkyhobo5688]

Excellent, as usual. Describes my failed 20 year marriage. Once my feminist "equal partner" made more money than me, she perceived herself as oppressed by my "dependency", even though she got support (pausing my career/interests to raise the kids) to do her "dream job". I was sincerely happy for her success, she felt taken advantage of. The mindset of score-keeping that comes with "shared frame" egalitarianism is deadly to relationships. "Unequal", complementary roles is definitely the way to go, in my painfully-arrived-at opinion.

[@danielademide]

Can you share why you decided to pause your career success for hers? I’m curious to know how a man can come to that decision.

[@forgottenfuryan]

As a group wome are net tax burdens and recieve unconstitutional Affirmative Action in universities and the workplace, violating the equal protection clause of the 14th amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Race Affirmative Action is being looked at but not gender, yet and Ukrainian women are being drafted. Question: did she get child custody? (90%...family court is corrupt and unconstitutional.)

[@forgottenfuryan]

​​@@danielademide Child alienation goes both ways and 15k to start babysitting? What benefits women is good what and what doesn't is bad. Ideally, they'd both take leave and babysit together until the kids are grown.

[@sIMODINHO]

In my opinion, a man should never depend on anyone, especially a woman. It's unnatural and that's what made her feel oppressed. I hope you learned a valuable lesson and focus on your own self now. You deserve it.

[@danielademide]

@@Brymerius - What part of “unnatural” did you not understand? The OP negotiated from a place of weakness.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

Given that women tend to date hypergamously, e.g. they prefer older, wiser, more knowledgeable, more exciting, more interesting, more dominant, and more wealthier guys, it makes sense for the woman to step into his frame. Consequently, it is the job of the man to cultivate a frame so superior it is worth her while to leave her frame.

[@lawshorizon]

So the idea is to be one of the top 1 percent and maybe she wont gut you in the divorce courts the moment she gets bored.

[@michaelgarrow3239]

@@lawshorizon-lol

[@ntl219]

moral of the story, no marriage to avoid divorce

[@forgottenfuryan]

Unconstitutional Affirmative Action gives women the ability to out earn men, while still being less qualified. Women are the majority of voters and don't register for Selective Service a felony if men don't, both laws violating the equal protection clause of the 14th amendment to the U.S. Constitution. Your individual masculine frame is set against her institutional feminine frame, on your dime...if she leaves the state will make you pay her lawyer up front. 60% of mothers are single and raise all the bad people. I'm a lion not a hyena.

[@srinavin]

Zoom out and you see a man excelling.. it's tough to be a man .. but that's how it is

[@melenico4512]

I have a philosophy with women. If a woman wants to be in my life fantastic. If she doesn't want to be in my life, that is fantastic as well.

[@结实反流]

That's the only philosophy we ought to live for😊

[@rossweakley7194]

I used to walk around the neighborhood and I always saw the same guy sitting in a lawn chair every evening, drinking a beer and watching his big screen TV in the garage. Sometimes his wife was in the garage with him. Sometimes she was watching a different TV in the house by herself. Everyone needs to have their own place to be captain some of the time.

[@supremereader7614]

Great examples as always. Women say they want total equality, but we don't see total equality when it comes to divorce. We don't see many men divorcing female doctors and taking half, do we?

[@karamlevi]

Nor do we see them running dates, or giving sex / seduction fantasies on their own or them thinking about their partner in a deeply “foot in the other shoe” type perspective ect ect. No equality in divorce and most women with big money don’t give their guys anything if they have a stay at home dad type. I’ve seen it a few times and it is actual finacial abuse. They are not givers when it comes to cash and things like that unless you have jigalo vibes with them.

[@griffydz1789]

I like that you rayan used a muslim woman as a thumbnail, did you know that in the quran it is said that the man shall lead? (lead the frame as you said it).

[@Sajadela]

Literally my mother, and sh gave him more than half just to make the negotiations faster. The lawyer said women often do this, losing out just to avoid dragging things out.

[@juanpaz5124]

Nor do we see milfs taking 18 year olds on yachts😂

[@danielademide]

@@griffydz1789 - That thumbnail is very appropriate given that the natural order of different expectations from men and women still largely exist in the Middle East and North Africa. Most if not all organized religion cast the man as the lead or head.

[@Shouko-sama]

Thank God for content like this if you are a man under 35..the younger we learn this the better

[@bobbyfrank9859]

Plus like bones we heal faster while we’re younger. Going through shit like this in 40,50s, etc I’ve seen men never recover. Ego deaths are just easier to recover from when you’re young.

[@elijahdecalmer613]

For a 21 year old guy in a 3 year relationship trying to fix the mistakes of my 18, 19, 20 year old self (mostly coming from allowing things to be how I know they ought not to be, eg sharing frame (failing to)), this channel is just about my only properly useful guide. Thank you.

[@Emee5324]

Keep it on boy!

[@juanpaz5124]

Go go go

[@Dhuxul9]

You are on the right track watching these videos will be a big help! Good for you

[@juanpaz5124]

@@Alix-yu8rq Your toxic advice makes men and women unhappy

[@rhenriksen]

You are so blessed to have access to information like this at such a young age.

[@izafanime]

Dating is like partnered dancing. You can only have one lead. You can't have both lead, and you also can't have both follow. Now, there are certainly times where a woman can take the lead, but it should always be temporary and out of love while a man re-centers himself and works to recreate a stronger frame.

[@toonnaobi-okoye2949]

Perfect analogy. I'll add it to my mental construct. Thank you.

[@danielademide]

@@toonnaobi-okoye2949 - This should be in addition to you spending time around men who still think like men. Original Igbo men.

[@griffydz1789]

I like that you used a muslim woman as a thumbnail, did you know that in the quran it is said that the man shall lead? (lead the frame as you said it).

[@Pk-wu9tl]

Bullshit. If it works for a couple it works. Stop projecting.

[@ichigotheg.o.a.t]

​@@griffydz1789That was his point, you didn't get it, that's why.

[@jrtama5]

This is very important, I had an 11-year relationship trying to make this dynamic work, and it was like having an eternal roommate or a friends with benefits. This especially came true when decisions were trying to be made towards the end and I was really pushing asking questions on "where do we go from here, should we get married, should we had kids; I want to do XYZ, what do you want?" I should have known better when the whole relationship I was getting I don't knows and a lot of news on things that I actually wanted to do and wanted to push the issue on. She was trying to control frame and was not a good captain, didn't know what she wanted, I would've been miserable. 👍 learn to judge properly and make decisions boys, judge by actions and weigh the past and present along with if they learned and are a different person and live a good life. Don't try to change someone or wait forever and sacrifice your life. Choose wisely. One last thing! The sex was great and plentiful until we moved in together; look out for love bombing boys! If she helps you forget about arguments and to forgive her for BS by making you blow a few loads and isnt actually sorry and takes action to knock off the BS, look out for that! Or just enjoy it for what it is/was and get out! I'll spare the details here, but yea, sex is for sure a powerful tool especially when they have that subject dialed in and know what you like, look out for that!

[@lawshorizon]

True! ... Trying to change someone is like trying to stop the turning of the earth.

[@jrtama5]

@@lawshorizon yup, have a good one!

[@forgottenfuryan]

Your grandpa had frame. He could afford a house on the lake with a teachers salary.

[@jrtama5]

@@forgottenfuryan in general this statement works, but in my family I think my grandfather's were whipped unfortunately.. but we'll apply this to my great grandfathers😅. Is what it is man.

[@forgottenfuryan]

@@jrtama5 Yeah, housing costs doubled every year since women unconstitutionally got the vote without registering for Selective Service, a felony if men don't. Oh, well, I guess we'll all just rent at a premium, no big deal.

[@BloodyHeck]

In my experience, women either start by saying the want to be equals or quite a few even want a more traditional relationship where the man is the leader. But I also see that when the woman doesn’t get what she wants, as in the man didn’t decide the way she wanted, all of a sudden she goes from him being in charge to being equals or more likely her deciding she needs to be in charge because she feels she can’t trust his decisions. It’s not that he can’t make good decisions or lead, it’s that she wants her way no matter what.

[@juanpaz5124]

Yes, and as the man it's your job to say no

[@BloodyHeck]

@@juanpaz5124 And then it's her right to say whatever she wants that destroys your life.

[@mariakal8884]

Úr assumptions are correct I believe. What would u propose?

[@BloodyHeck]

@@mariakal8884 Get a dog.

[@mohda.9420]

@@BloodyHeck it's her right to destroy your life???

[@the_immigrant__]

I love the casual bashing on socialism, I respect you even more now

[@capitandelnorte]

I respect him less. As soon as you start to get political these days you immediately eliminate a large part of your potential fanbase. Everyone is entitled to their political views, but it also says something about his other view on things. A lot of them I agree with, but his casual bashing just made me aware of his whole world view, which might not be very flexible or open to other ideas.

[@DanielPriestley]

I’m a happily married father and husband. I’d say that a working household requires compromise. A great relationship and household kind of works like a company. You have shareholders who own the assets. You have an executive team who run things. You have team who implement. And stakeholders who benefit or are impacted. A great company is rarely an authoritarian CEO who makes all decisions and then has everyone do their bidding. Exec teams discuss and solve things together. Ultimately the CEO has to make some tough calls occasionally but the majority of the time, the CMO makes marketing decisions, the CFO makes finance decisions the COO runs the day to day and the CEO is doing big deals and setting the direction of travel (with the team enrolled). In a family the couple are the shareholder (often 50:50) and one is the CEO and the other is the COO. They have support structures and the kids are the team and stakeholders. To me this model of thinking works best.

[@mariakal8884]

Thank you for your comment. I'm reading the rest of the comments and I'm getting scared over the amount of authority men require in order to be pleased. I never disagreed over leaving the "frame" job on the man, as I am traditional myself and I witnessed this growing up, so I find it normal . But there is a difference between guiding the family and being a dictator. From the comments here, most guys find a perverted joy into turning themselves in dictators. They use as excuses that many women out there abuse men, financially and emotionally, so the only viable solution is to turn women into slaves and decide what they will do everyday for the rest of their lives. Otherwise there is a chance to cheat, lie, raise another man's kid or worse.. So the solution is men to make EVERY decision . You want to work? Nah... You want kids? Nahh... You want to go out with your friends (and no I don't mean in clubs, I mean at a coffee shop in day light without flirting with anyone) NAHHH... . I can only be terrified over marrying such a person, being afraid that if I get cheated or he decides to leave me in the future for any reason , I will have no voice and no authority to protect my rights and the rights of my kids, since according to this "frame theory" or more correctly the abuse of "the frame theory" that most guys propose in the comments, I will be stripped over everything slowly over the years of our marriage. The outcome? If the guy cheats on me for example, he leaves me with nothing and he continues his life happily with money and new woman.And before men say that wives get 50% no they don't. In my country they get 30% but with a good lawyer or a good accountant u can leave them with zero.

[@userNOTfound1-3]

​@@mariakal8884❤ Lovely comment. Took the words right out of my mouth.

[@DanielPriestley]

@@mariakal8884 relationships come from people who have successful marriages with 2+ kids. Everything else is speculation.

[@Dhuxul9]

This is wild comparison and nobody said anything about being a CEO and making every decision! You misrepresented everything he said and wrote completely pointless comment

[@Dhuxul9]

@@mariakal8884 Who said they want to be dictators and women should be slaves? Complete misrepresentation! Clearly since feminism went mainstream family unit fell apart

[@chrismann7433]

Thanks Orion. The videos on frame are very useful. More videos helping men deal with the guilt and manipulation women use to keep you in their frame would be really helpful. I've realized women are not the Disney princesses society has perpetuated. But can be brutal uncaring resource gatherers and users of men. Unfortunately I have given away most of my adult life figuring that out. Thanks for what you do.

[@Mecharocca]

Love this channel, I always find it odd how there are crucial things in life that we don't even consider giving a brief thought at, such as topics like these. Sounds nice to be co-captains. Does not work. Great content as always, sent a thanks and joined. Cheers!

[@hmb8801]

So basically equality doesn't exist in relationships, in practice we have either Patriarchy or Matriarchy, in which usually Patriarchy works better.

[@dhickey5919]

Thank you, Orion. Men need to take notes here because this is where we construct a goal-oriented life. If we don't, our Frame will not only attract lower quality partners but puts us at risk of losing our purpose entirely.

[@paulds65]

100% true. My LTR started going down the drain when I stopped leading (because she stopped following). I should have called it quits right then and there but tried to save the relationship. Big mistake.

[@andromeda3780]

As someone who most likely to fit only in their own frame, I can extremely relate to this video. Had to always cut ties before even having them knotted because I am terrified to put myself in someone's frame and also too eager not to lock someone else in mine.

[@Jimminityjabooboo]

That fear is a lack of frame.

[@andromeda3780]

@@Jimminityjabooboo could be. also it means appreciation of freedom of somehow.

[@andromeda3780]

@@SlayerofzulmakI didn't hit my head against the wall but you apparently did. Lol The video clearly explains why it won't work for two people to share a "frame" and the only way to make it work is when one party complements the frame provided by the other, which also needs to be well constructed and presented. Knowing I cannot provide the suitable frame and fearing to share someone else's is how I relate to this.

[@DesiresAttackVirtues]

Excellent video! It is so true that both will be tired of making sure things are "equal" in all aspects. When women openly admit they want a man more stable, more competent, more financially stable , and stronger than them, they must therefore concede to the logical importance of stepping into his frame than the other way around. With great power (captain of the 'relation'ship) comes great responsibility. The ugly truth is that women are far less likely to be responsible with that power, because they refuse to be held accountable the same way the man would be the other way around.

[@kylemacdougall8355]

Not only that, but society and other people will hold him accountable (even if he's not the captain of the relationship) while simultaneously helping her flee from accountability. There's absolutely no incentive for her to do the right thing.

[@SirChocula]

I've also learn the hard way to NOT give your power away. As men, our time, resource, energy, SELF CONTROL & Power, are our most powerful tools. Once we give away too much power, the scales tip in the feminine frame and everything blows to shiet.

[@GuyCorrino]

Im 35 and now it really makes a lot of sense why my past relationships failed

[@MargaretOMeara]

I can’t tell if you have any female viewers/commenters but I would like to say I find your content super helpful! I’m a clinical therapist working with men who have been shattered by betrayal or who are caught in a “Catch 22.” I see just as many women who are in emotionally abusive relationships/marriages. It appears there has been little guidance at the onset of picking a partner. Most come from dysfunctional families, possibly some complex trauma, and are just repeating patterns and ignoring red flags. People need education on how to find a quality partner and not let their emotions and libido override their rational thinking. Love is not enough! There has to be respect, humility, and honest and effective communication… characteristics that seem to be dwindling in our culture.

[@isaacwhite9706]

This channel is so important, like a father very few of my Gen Z had. My Pastor started a training course for married men because of the absolutely terrible crisis going on, this guy goes pretty much along the same things in the course, it’s called the family captain.

[@marktapley7571]

Problem for most Christian churches is that most of the men are simps and pedestalize wives.

[@AssyTheNator]

Head of the household i heard more but family captain sounds funny

[@milkywaypride99]

Two frames 1. Peacetime frame= anyone can be anything or be in any frame. 2. Wartime frame=assume “traditional”gender roles. Men fight and die, and women raise kids.

[@neomacchio4692]

Man, this is great. You put the entire subject of current gender insanity and toxic feminism into perspective here!

[@dmytoe5679]

Are you saying that the above frame is valid, or are you just listing the different frames which exist in different times.

[@vettie]

​@@dmytoe5679 they're saying that when shit hits the fan, men are expected to take charge.

[@cheeseheadwizard]

No

[@forgottenfuryan]

60% of mothers are single and raise 80% of inmates and 85% of children with behavioral disorders. A masculine frame in that paradigm would need to be quite load bearing, even beyond what is natural.

[@regatron1]

23 years old navigating a long distance relationship right now and we’re both in the military, so your videos have been super helpful.

[@Peter09876-]

She either follows you as a man and waits. Or you move on.

[@steve19811]

You're the only one who creates your reality. There is no point in compromising without causing resentment....

[@UltraCodex66]

I find this very interesting in regards to organisations and projects as I didn’t want to be the leader, director or frontman yet when I took the mantle and made suggestions to my mates, we started moving forward with out music, when I took the initiative on school projects we got things done and when I suggested goals to my mates, they actually got things done, enjoying themselves, because someone was in charge, someone had a frame and the frame was way more beneficial than trying to be egalitarian

[@isabellec.9173]

Great food for thoughts! Here's what I think. In your models, people benefit from what they get, not what they give. However, in reality there is happiness in both: sometimes I give, sometimes I get, and I appreciate the variety of experience. Also, everyone has several frames, several identities. The best relationships are those where each person can keep as many frames as possible from their previous single life. Exploring each other's frames is fun.

[@warrenbeane6988]

"Keeping as many frames as possible from there single life." Not Even a clue.

[@mdhazeldine]

"talking about the relationship is probably one of the least interesting things you can do in a relationship".....says a man. Most women I think would disagree. They loooovvveee talking about the relationship. It's one of their favourite topics.

[@darshandev1754]

and I hear they usually talk themselves out of one

[@planetaryutilities]

Orion, you're doing a great job of constructing a framework that helps navigating the relationship world. thanks for doing so!

[@ManOfAdventure2011]

The best, most common sense explanation of frame and why it should be the mans

[@jackfroste]

Really enjoy this channel because of how eloquently and logically Dr. Taraban describes solutions that most would consider "politically incorrect" or "socially not-the-norm". Great talks Sir. Thank you.

[@Pk-wu9tl]

I think that you are missing the perspective from the other side. Many men have given “frame” as you call it to women and it’s been successful. I would say my wife and I have a equal frame where we both lead in different ways and it works very well. She works at a hedge fund and came from a well to do family, I look after the kids and work part time from home. I moved for her and it works very well. Don’t knock what works for others I guess.

[@masterTigress96]

You forget that women can marry and have kids with men they consider beta's, even though they still desire the alpha. So either you bring something to the table you're not mentioning or she is hanging around other guys behind you're back, as women cannot control their hypergamy. E.G. she will always be more attracted to a man that makes more money then her/you, regardless of the circumstances. I encourage you to check out the other videos Dr. Taraban has published to see what I'm talking about.

[@Pk-wu9tl]

@@masterTigress96 We have a very strong, emotionally open relationship so I do not worry about any infidelity . The problem with these videos is that in the real world these 'rules' do not always apply, Working your whole life around these red pill 'truths' is causing more harm than good and I see it in the younger generation of men. Nice in theory but not always accurate or representative of the real world. I always say you attract what you are. If you are an insecure womaniser, good luck trying to find a secure grounded, emotionally available woman.

[@masterTigress96]

@@Pk-wu9tl then we're going to agree to disagree I'm afraid. Thanks for your response.

[@ndhtyu]

@@masterTigress96 Her SMV is prolly quite low relative to the man

[@mstamper77]

@@masterTigress96 wrong. Not all women are like this.

[@almoko]

Fully agree both with this follow up and the original video about the concept of frame. I have personally been in both types of relationships. In my experience, things were possible and good in the “man frame” and led to complete dysfunction when I was pushed to be in the woman’s frame.

[@RegisChapman]

Three words perfectly describe the problem with the relationship I've just gotten out of. Amazing work.

[@petermollo1908]

This man is so smart. I am always so impressed!

[@briceparlant9304]

Orion’s favorite expression « all things being equal » 😂

[@vanevans645]

In Latin: ceteris paribus

[@brucetownsend691]

In poker, the rule is that if you can’t work out who the fish is, you are the fish. Similarly in relationships, if you can’t work out whose frame you are operating in, it’s the other person’s frame.

[@wujekleon]

Greatings from Poland, you are doing a great job with that knowledge sharing. All the best!

[@hermanmelville3368]

Dokładnie.

[@Focusembedded]

Actually, pilots and co-pilots swap roles all the time. On your flight from NYC to LA, they probably trade off three or four times. (When they're not filling out forms or reading the funnies as the plane on autopilot largely flies itself.) The key thing to remember is that only one of them has the power to say, "My airplane," at will and not be overridden in the decision. When the bird strike hit the USAir Airbus over the Hudson, the guy actually flying the plane was Jeff Skiles, the co-pilot. That was when pilot Chesley Sullenberger said, "My airplane," and Skiles responded, "Your airplane." A lot of healthy relationships look like two people swapping at the controls -- and would seem egalitarian -- right up to the moment one of them has to say, "My airplane." And unless you want to end up in a smoking hole in the ground, that particular handover has to be immediate.

[@danielademide]

The fact that Doc has to teach this shows how neutered western men have become. I can’t phantom my father quitting his job so my mother could take her dream job in another city. RIP Daddy.

[@forgottenfuryan]

Women are a net tax burden due in part to their unconstitutional Affirmative Action in universities and the workplace.

[@EE12CSVT]

You can only have good confidence a married man isn't emasculated is if they're in their 70s. In couples younger than 50 it's pretty much unheard of that he hasn't been castrated and he's on a leash. I can only think of three marriages/LTRs where the men under 60 lead with no quarrel from their wives. I've similarly found that women flat out refuse to accept my boundaries and will have a tantrum or sulk if they do, then they leave to find a simp with no backbone.

[@BrotherTree1]

If he/she cares more about a job/career than fostering the relationship, building a life together, starting a family, building a communal legacy... relationships aren't for that particular individual. After best efforts to negotiate, if you're still forcibly stuck with that decision by your partner, it's probably better to leave him/her and let him/be to their own individual journey rather than to sacrifice your own needs and long term best interest goals by subjugating to your other's individual desires/goals that don't take you into consideration whatsoever. Different horses for different courses but at least you'll retain your own soul and just wish each other the best.

[@colasfalon6470]

You raise an interesting topic (regarding men today). If I may add some things to consider: Most men (throughout the history of humanity, even pre-civilization) have not been/are not the top tier, nor are they leaders. Most men in general are followers (and I do not mean that in any negative sense). Now with that being said, most men, when given solid leadership with legitimate "men"/"alphas"/"high-value"/whatever term you prefer...most men will do a fair job of emulating their leaders. Average men will behave more like strong men when the strong men lead. But when the strong men leave leadership to go do other things, the average men will behave more like weak men. Take away: As society has lost true male leadership, the average man has had less and less opportunity to observe and fall in line with how leaders behave. You can take average men and lead them towards being well-adjusted and strong frame holding...IF there is sufficient role models/leadership. I could spend hours discussing how we arrived at this point, but for now I'll just leave it as is. The vast majority of men, when lacking strong leaders/models, will default to more "beta"/"simp" -like behaviors.

[@marktapley7571]

@@colasfalon6470 Yes and the fact that 50% of children have no father in the house explains a lot of why men don’t know how to be leaders.

[@danijelbrecelj]

Man's value is largely based on his behaviour, so compromising his lifestyle in order to suit the relationship is lowering his value, therefore the relationship after a while isn't profitable for a woman anymore. Meanwhile the woman's value isn't affected by compromising on her decisions, so she can very well adjust to the male frame and even profit from that.

[@davnoble8472]

Absolutely

[@JohnSmith-lm9gr]

Well said! I've thought that a woman would benefit from supporting her husband, making sure he knows she believes in and supports him, offering her counsel, but letting him lead. Such a man will be more likely to thrive and lead at work and at church also. She and her children will benefit from his learned skill, income, and spirituality. On the other extreme, if she beats him down and believes he is worthless, the only way he will become successful is without her.

[@jazzyjointz6864]

Couldn’t agree more. A standard I believe whole heartedly. The masculine frame should always be the go to.

[@mstamper77]

wrong

[@jazzyjointz6864]

@@mstamper77ok do you then lil bahby

[@EdwardDuhaime]

The frame that controls the direction of the relationship is always the most restrictive, even if the benefits seem to go towards the partner who isn't setting the frame. A trophy wife is restricted to playing that role even if she seems to be the major beneficiary.

[@godishere4]

"They dont come in half sizes" 🤣🤣

[@miked2836]

Wish I had access to perspective like this 20 years ago

[@immanentPassages]

Nothing exists outside of a hierarchy. Everything has a weight and value.

[@forgottenfuryan]

Women are a net tax burden.

[@tomkingg]

‭‭ [22] Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. [23] For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Ephesians‬ ‭5:22‭-‬23‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

[@forgottenfuryan]

@@tomkingg 90% of Christians have fornicated

[@mstamper77]

@@tomkingg bullshit

[@ruckin3]

I have gone on over 300 First dates....and currently single for past few years. I can tell you that today's woman constantly believes a man is to protect, provide but also be sitting in the passenger seat and see her as the prize. I will not enter a relationship like this and today's woman is almost exclusively unable to offer this unless they are just out of high school, raised in a traditional Christian family w a great father relationship and low social media. Not much hope catching a girl like that at 25.+. Feminists have destroyed the nuclear family I was literally told a year ago by a single mother that if I wanted a relationship w her, I would need to be silent in the raising of her child and was only to provide and she was in charge of the family. Lol. She makes 28k a year cutting hair and I make 300k a year and im supposed to just sit not in the passenger seat but in the back seat and cheer her on but provide a million dollar home, an Audi, pay all the bills , fund vacations all for the privilege of having her and another mans seed in my life lol I lol but it's sad....it's really sad to watch. They hurt themselves and the rest of society because they have bought into the feminist lies

[@AverageAngel]

same experience too, about 100 first dates and western women in canada are adversarial towards men, selfish and not kind at all. Even the christian ones have slept around, I'm not even sure what to do now. Church hopping and online dating filters with traditional women, let's see if this works

[@tdaye6978]

As someone who's been on 200+ first dates, your comment is 1000% spot on. They want you to be their EVERYTHING, and in return, you get nothing and if you're unhappy about that, it's because you're narcissistic. I've gotten good at this game though. Be nothing more than what they deserve, and when it's time to let them go, trick them into losing interest by being nice and respectful to them at all times. They dry up quick and lose interest, and you come out looking like the good guy and she doesn't slash your tires or harass you because she thinks she's the one who lost interest in you. It's a win-win in this society unless you want a family. Then it's L's across the board

[@ruckin3]

@@tdaye6978 Yeah, its really bad out here . BTW I didnt mean it as a flex but to clarify that I am not someone who cant get dates and is sitting in his moms basement ;) It kills me because I truly WANT a family and have sacrificed hard to provide and am Christian so not into hookup culture and its really rough to find a woman thats even close to what I would consider for marriage

[@ruckin3]

@@kalbsleber Yep. Yet shell submit and thank Chad all day long while he does less

[@ruckin3]

@@AverageAngel Yeah. I know a few church girls I would normally consider for a relationship but they racked up bodies and Im not going to save them . But PLENTY of men at church say they dont care about Body counts and would marry high body count. Im like wth....you guys dont understand the consequences and risk. They just think short term and caution to the wind

[@tbird12yt]

You can each lead in different areas. You don't need one person to lead at everything.

[@malachi405]

'I make the big decisions, she makes the small decisions.' 'So how's that working out?' 'I don't know. So far, there have only been small decisions.'

[@d3adpool472]

the day light savings example was perfect for the effects of changing frame

[@aartie1999]

I can't believe he said that talking in a relationship is boring and communicating with eath other is only possible in theory, my dudes that's what an actual healthy relationship looks like

[@mstamper77]

He caters to incredibly immature people, both male and female.

[@soichirohonda267]

Excellent said! And he isn't married, have no children and advertise this sick and toxic view on life, marriage etc. And even earn money for that!

[@red7fifty]

This started to rear its' head, the MOMENT I moved into a new house.....she (who didn't put up a single dime in the purchase), was upset that I didn't let her choose which bedroom was hers.

[@P.I.M.P.720]

Exactly, polarity is not to be confused, only complimented

[@mstamper77]

polarity not needed in the first place

[@lessmore444]

Relation “ships” are exactly that. You set sail into the unknown together and there can only be one captain & one first mate. The choice is yours.

[@rob21]

eg. Don't ask your wife where do you want to eat tonight and spend 10 minutes going back & forth. Just (you, the man) pick a place and go.

[@roseoilwaxes5787]

Bye!

[@KD400_]

​@@roseoilwaxes5787bye bye to u lol

[@spontaneousbootay]

Do yall remember the growing pains as a kid? This is like that; You cant be mad that the trial is made of fire. It is what it is.

[@UldisBiz]

@psychacks Thank you, Dr. Orion. I'm very grateful for this channel. It is shifting my thinking.

[@melenico4512]

Captain and co-pilot was a good analogy.

[@foxyfocus3170]

Those artworks in your thumbnail are great.

[@goldenremnant2610]

2:58 I’m hearing that frame must have an owner. Frame must not be shared. It’s not communal. Now, women are failing to see how this works. When she really is smitten over you, she will GLADLY enter into and DESIRE your frame as the man. Whatever you want, she wants. If you are still having a debate about it then you’re dealing with a masculine woman or at the very least, a woman that doesn’t want to submit to that particular man - she doesn’t think you are the best she can do. In that case, the man should walk or start creating leverage to allow himself to walk without getting wrecked. Make her choose, fellas. Have standards - have boundaries. Pink and blue jobs. Pink and blue roles.

[@VivatVeritas1]

That’s all great, but her perspective WILL shift over time. If you have to make sure you can walk at any time, it’s no more than a business relationship anyway. If you can detach to that degree, why would you want it in the first place?

[@kimsmith7212]

SIR,YOURE HERE ON THIS CHANNEL TO LEARN. YOU MIGHT BE WITH A WOMAN WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW RELATIONSHIPS TRULY WORK. AS THE CAPTAIN, LEADER ,YOU SHOULD BE A TEACHER ALSO. BUT YOU CHOOSE TO WALK. WITH THAT ATTITUDE OF WALKING. I BET YOU SPEND A LOT OF TIME WALKING. AS YOU CAN SEE, IM A WOMAN. AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME,I WAS RAISED BY A SINGLE MOTHER. NEVER HAD THAT MALE FIGURE ROLE MODEL. SO IM LEARNING FOR MYSELF. SURE,ID LIKE A MAN TO LEAD. BUT IM DEFINITELY ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF BECAUSE THAT'S ALL I HAVE EVER KNOWN AND DONE..SURVIVING LIFE.JUST SAYING

[@chiropractorennis4548]

Thanks!

[@fredrikdippel3664]

I like your dry humor. Very funny!

[@raytekkers]

Great informative video as per usual. For people who are uncertain on who the captain is in their relationships, it might be an idea for a future video to create a questionnaire?

[@m2pozad]

Not realistic. Likes and dislikes are understood as expected in life, so we all just role along with the idea that adjustments can be made. Besides some decisions can be completely undone if things don't unfold as intended. Life is unpredictable. Pair up with those who are flexible. They are numerous.

[@matyasblaha5478]

Díky!

[@jobicek]

It should also follow from the adored/ adorer dynamic. The adored should set frame. However, pilots are a terrible analogy. They actually switch frames. Aviation has a concept of pilot in command. Captain stays captain, but that doesn't mean he is in command at all times. This is because pilots need command experience and they might need rest. Often, the second pilot is fully qualified to be in command - that is he doesn't require supervision. Sometimes, the second pilot is not qualified and is being trained. In which case he would be acting like he is in command (technically, it's pilot in command under supervision or PICUS for short). And this is unavoidable on long distances where pilots rotate. The captain might actually be asleep in a bunk while second and third pilot fly the aircraft. And it could actually be the third, most junior pilot who is in command and second pilot is supporting him. The third pilot might have over ten thousand hours of experience. And they will transfer command several times during a flight. If something serious happens, a senior pilot might take command. Although it would be unusual to change seats. So, if a captain wakes up during an emergency, he might stay out and just direct verbally if necessary. Captains typically have more experience, but it's more a question of employee hierarchy.

[@kitcassim4156]

It is very good that you’re making psychology based films that support men in dating. Many of them do not realize that many women are in a full scale psychological war with men in America and some other countries

[@freecreator6426]

Totally agree!!

[@ShareefusMaximus]

When she moves in, can I let her redecorate without objection or is that me failing to hold frame?

[@richiemandina5305]

In my opinion I’d say let her redecorate if you think it’ll improve the place to your liking, but be careful as she might take that as a sign that it’s now her territory. Women generally have no qualms whatsoever about seizing any and all power and wealth within their reach so don’t be afraid to remind her where the fucking door is if/when she starts thinking she’s king of the castle.

[@JoeCorrea-p7z]

Great content again! Just have one thing to add, something my grandfather (WW2 vet) said!: All men are created equal but the problem is that they don't stay equal.

[@tonyphelps399]

My analogy for this has always been: To make green you have to mix blue and yellow. Yellow can’t just become blue. Blue can’t just become yellow. Neither can just be green. It takes the individuals to create the shared outcome. Equally, any diminishing or dominance of blue or yellow changes the shared outcome. The individual must reman.

[@Annayasha]

Great analogy 🙌

[@hyrumtasso]

Great Video

[@neomacchio4692]

There’s no such thing as egalitarian. At least in the way many perceive it to mean. There is only STRIVING for egalitarianism… which often leads to the opposite result of the intention, if a RESULT is the goal. This is why our Founding Fathers structured our country the way they did. Because it’s the MOST SUCCESSFUL ATTEMPT at egalitarianism. Same goes for Capitalism. The egalitarianism inherent in capitalism is: everyone is free to work as hard as they want, or not. Egalitarianism is: equal opportunity.

[@sole__doubt]

Exactly. Men have to allow women to be "equal" because women cant enforce it.

[@forgottenfuryan]

Women receive unconstitutional Affirmative Action, artificially increasing their frame in universities and the workplace and subsequently, elsewhere.

[@011earlthusi]

Thanks

[@rovert245]

Dang caught this one right as it got posted. Just wanna say you're providing an amazing service here Dr. and I thank you for it. I remember spending a lot of time trying to find a therapist/psychologist who could speak to me from the perspective of the masculine experience and ended up really dissapointed. It's great to see someone talk about these subjects in a calm, and (from my perspective) objective manner that helps me understand the building blocks of social dynamics and my own response to them. Wish you all the best and will continue watching.

[@cowless]

I get what you're saying as a whole but I belive co pilots are actually trained to, not switch seats exactly but take over piloting if need be. For example, if the pilot for some reason loses their displays as the plane lands, the co pilot is trained to be able to take over to land the plane, although it's not super common. Not the best example lol

[@SmileyEmoji42]

No. It is totally normal for the pilot to fly out and the co-pilot fly back BUT the senior pilot has the right to take control at any time

[@kimsmith7212]

Yes, women are man's helper

[@21stcenturystops59]

Two headed animals dont survive for long in the wild. In a relationship there needs to be one head.

[@anthonyml7]

A frame CAN be shared, but only if the same values / principles are BROUGHT into the relationship. (Not after!) The frame must already be established before hand and be more or less on par with one another's or else the relationship is set up for failure. Best example of this is when one partner wants kids and the other doesn't. If you try to construct this "frame" or reconstruct it after the relationship, it turns to doom and gloom.

[@VivatVeritas1]

That makes it sound so simple. I think you’re forgetting how her view and expectations of you will shift over time. Remember she has been brought up with one central tenet, namely that whatever she wants at any time, she’s worth it.

[@Sashamunster]

​@@VivatVeritas1You make it sound like women are a hive mind or something. 😂

[@VivatVeritas1]

@@Sashamunster That's one way of putting it. I'm of course referring to the cultural brainwashing that tells women they can only trust themselves and that it's their holy mission to expose men for the oppressors they truly are and always have been. It translates to train loads of resentment and entitlement, and erodes any chance of real long-term commitment and reciprocity. It's possible you haven't noticed this trend, but not likely.

[@mariakal8884]

Agreed

[@kimsmith7212]

​@@VivatVeritas1THAT'S NOT TRUE

[@raularmas1719]

It is the height of sanity to recognize as reality that as humans age as they grow and mature over time they " should" arguably change. Change is necessary in healthy individuals as they mature. Conversation about the healthy and changing nature of any given relationship is also necessary to ensure a couple continues to grow in ways that are amenable and meaningful to both parties in a relationship. Furthermore, if things/changes seem to slow the growth of either party in a couple this seems easily and rightfully part of the cost of the relationship?? It's seems to me always good to have someone around who knows you and whom you trust to tell you the sometimes unvarnished truth about yourself so that I do not delude myself in to believing something that is not true about myself.

[@nelsonacosta3326]

I love this kind of content

[@bobmarstonmusic1944]

He lost me with the Socialism comparison/criticism. If it were up to people with your mindset, marital rape would still be permitted and we would be living under the feudal system. That’s just not a worldview I can entertain. All the best

[@TerraThink]

You like socialism. So your mind tries to protect itself from anything that challenges that, even if its tiny. Fascinating really.

[@johnparham6796]

So, you support the ideal that a person should get paid the same as someone with lesser skills them him or her?

[@bobmarstonmusic1944]

@@johnparham6796 Did I say that?

[@johnparham6796]

@@bobmarstonmusic1944 yes you did. That’s what socialism is!

[@bobmarstonmusic1944]

@@johnparham6796 It's funny that you don't support at least some socialist ideas. One of them is, "From each according to his ability; to each according to his need." It's clear that you would be a net receiver under such a system, based on your ignorance of spelling and/or grammar. I believe the word you were looking for in your initial comment above was, "than," which is used to compare. As in, "John knows less about socialism THAN Bob." Good luck, brother. I hope people are kinder to you than I expect you are to them.

[@alvaroschudeck957]

Todos tenemos que ceder algo si queremos trabajar en equipo para un objetivo común, y especializarnos en nuestras fortalezas para llegar más lejos y optimizar el tiempo y esfuerzo. Creo que este asunto del Frame o marco que indicas, es un modelo de grupo, pero enfocado en el equipo que llamamos matrimonio, un equipo de 2, con objetivos de tener o no hijos, criarlos lo mejor posible, darles las mejores condiciones para que sobrevivan nuestra información genética lo más posible y para tener esta experiencia de vida con el apoyo y comprensión de una pareja permanente de ser posible. Buen enfoque aplicado a la pareja, así como los paralelos que haces entre el sexo y el pago del sexo en la pareja, aplicando principios de microeconomía.

[@VivatVeritas1]

I thought the same way for a long time, and found out that the idea of being a team is a classic male mistake. We take hits for the team, we sacrifice so others can shine and score goals. Most women are only interested in shining and scoring goals. They will never be true team players.

[@alvaroschudeck957]

@@VivatVeritas1 yes, most of them. We look for the others, but as some.women grow UP, they realize this need of being a team and act as a team member, of course, the one of them that realize this are the one who control enough their ego.

[@AD-hh6dd]

This is spot on. Each partner has a specialty role and only one captain. That only works though if the captain makes their partner feel valued and essential. Otherwise the other partner will resent feeling like they’re not as important as the captain.

[@ShadowEnglishPodcast]

Great episode. I love your content. I agree with much of what you say in this. But please allow me to give a little pushback to some of what you said in the video. Firstly, you compare the idea of sharing frame to communism...I think this is a false analogy. I don't think it is fair to compare this idea of sharing frame to a complex and nuanced historical and political system. Secondly, you often used the phrase "like more than the other", which bothered me because how do you quantify this in daily life? How do you even begin to assess to what degree a person likes something compared to another.. I think frame that is mutually constructed is a dynamic system in which the feelings of an individual fluctuate with the passage of time (as you mentioned). I don't think there is any need to track each others' feelings to determine who is being privileged more than the other in another certain aspect of their relationship or overall because I think relationships sort of fall into a certain balance in which the man or woman will be in each others' frame depending on the circumstance at hand. For example, a wife may be less privileged as she may have to do more housework, yet the man may be less privileged in a similar fashion for having to work more than the woman and pay for everything. Who is in whose frame in such a situation. It seems to me that people fall into place of what they are comfortable in doing. That is not to say that there are not certain important decisions in which one of the individuals will lose their frame and capitulate (like your living in LA or NY example). To sum up my point...I think overall couples fall into each other's frame like a jigsaw puzzle, but for certain important decisions or aspects of the relationship, there may be a winner or loser.

[@Dungeonofman]

Cant believe we dealing with a quarter million Orion I am so proud of you Rise to the top

[@secullenable]

Of course frame can be shared. Just because one person likes a decision (ie living in NY) more than the other, it still stands that both could like it, at least enough such that neither wants to move anywhere else. In this case both are driving the ship. Both go to a restaurant and both want the same dish over all the other options, but one likes it slightly more than the other...does that mean frame isn't shared? No! This guy likes to paint everything black and white. Life is not as simple (or indeed as complicated) as he.often makes out.

[@rayrwyr]

@secullenable Orion is right and you are wrong. Husband and wife must work as a team. No team is this world can be successful without a leader. Husband must be the leader. Both are equally important for the team but they are not equal in authority.

[@secullenable]

@@rayrwyr I wasn't talking about authority, I was talking about frame ie the subject of the clip. Read it again

[@rayrwyr]

@@secullenable -- Whoever owns the frame has the full Authority.

[@secullenable]

​@@rayrwyr My comment says that frame can be shared. Is it really that hard to read it properly before you reply?

[@cturdo]

I think the concept of compromise is not an equal share of the results of each decision point, it is one of whose frame within each major life decision is made. Usually, one or the other becomes frame-dominant, leading to the traditional or the modern (ugh) gender roles and/or the dissolution of the relationship.

[@jelanimasego8656]

Orion is the captain of this channel and we’re all the passengers.

[@LeonardSmall-wz3bm]

I love your content, and I think that even more people would benefit from it if you chose a simpler language. I know talking this way may seem to present your point most exactly but it actually just makes it seem more complicated.

[@RavarsenBlogspot]

The comment section did a better job of convincing me

[@walterwilkinson1499]

Great content and I appreciate these follow-up type type videos

[@angellarios4802]

Question...is it possible for a couple to come together with an open heart and share the frame? Rather than coming together by the intellectual mind and super analyzing every moment lived together? Is it possible to come together in Love?

[@mstamper77]

yes, but that isn't recognized here. The people being catered to here are incredibly immature, both male and female. Love and true mutuality is not a thing here. Totally beyond everyone here.

[@saintoflastresorts2272]

I agree with your message but I describe it as you can share a frame but you can't share two. Because if she is in your frame or vice versa you are sharing one person's frame.

[@andersnielsen6044]

You should create your own frame.. Anything else is just pure misogyni behavior.

[@D-A-N-]

I don’t understand why women get upset about this . Like you don’t want to be in your natural feminine self? ? In the end it’s what you crave .

[@fredrikdippel3664]

Because not all women are capable of that level of self-reflection required to realize that.

[@danielj3010]

"The next day, LIKE CLOCKWORK.. pun intended.."

[@mariakal8884]

Can someone explain to me in the case the man's lead is followed, how it can be guaranteed that the man won't take advantage of his lead. And if such case happens and he wrongs his woman, how the woman will be protected?

[@peterkoch3777]

There are no guarantees here. People are weird, people are evil. People with options are constantly probed and may give in and cheat. But ask youself the question: Why TF did it work in the past most of the time? Because there was evolutionary pressure. And societal pressure/shaming. The latter is gone completely in the West now, but the former does not go away. If man and woman play the game right, it still works. But we all have been told lies. A lot. Your questions show that. Find the truth, better yourself and make the right decisions. That is easier said than done, especially for women, because the sexual revolution and the pill allowed them to do, what never before in history was possible: rack up bodycount from the age of 13 upwards. This early decision is so detrimental, that it shakes the foundation of our culture and society. Parents have lost it... since 3-4 generations. Marriage? A trap for men. And men compare outcomes on the internet now and refuse to play that rigged game anymore. Good luck to you!❤

[@michellesmith7363]

There’s no way to know because men can be bad people just like women can be bad people. Not everyone is the same

[@gregprince5283]

I will piggyback off that. Since we are ever changing beings, there is no way to completely adhere to any one specific thing. Take for instance, something as simple as growing up hating vegetables. You may grow to love them immensely. Where you thought you forever wanted to live could completely change with time. This is why I feel there is so much divorce. In the past couples didn't have the options they do now. People don't do well if they are given to many choices. Also, people were forced to work out their differences and it would be beneficial that they did. People don't need to do that anymore. It's to easy to move on. People need to feel as though they have something to lose by making the wrong choice. There are no longer consequences to choices.

[@TheArchives111]

Got a point, captain and co pilot cannot frequently switch roles but still, in reality they do switch roles occasionally. It's like boss frequently switching roles with a chartered secretary, can be disastrous if not controlled. So in a way, love must be 'controlled', how to proceed? Another story....

[@elpakotheglorious]

You're doing an amazing job, Orion. My younger self could have used so much of that kind of advice... Keep on doing what you do, Sir, it helps a ton.