Most MEN BLOW the FIRST DATE: why you are your own worst enemy

On a first date, too many men snatch defeat from the jaws of success. In today's episode, I discuss why a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and why many guys talk their way out of a sexual opportunity. In their desire to impress women, men come off as boring, boorish, and self-centered. However, by learning the importance of maintaining women's fantasies intact, they'll be able to turn their franchises around.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#dating #psychology #relationship

[@psychacks]

On a first date, too many men snatch defeat from the jaws of success. In today's episode, I discuss why a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and why many guys talk their way out of a sexual opportunity. In their desire to impress women, men come off as boring, boorish, and self-centered. However, by learning the importance of maintaining women's fantasies intact, they'll be able to turn their franchises around. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #dating #psychology #relationship

[@Force1Com]

Annoying

[@Force1Com]

It fits with my experience with the people who are the least mature

[@Krunchtastic727]

So keeping a woman's fantasies intact? No offense but if you succeed in getting the girl this way it seems like a way to leads to a disastrous divorce.

[@terryl9996]

I've found women across the board respond positively to story telling of interesting events you have experienced

[@easter_sunday]

That's called a "blessing in disguise".

[@Senor0Droolcup]

this video is entirely correct. As I tell my 17-year-old son, “a first date is not about impressing her with how smart you are. The first date is about making her feel relaxed so that she can open up and decide if she likes you or not. Ideally, she should be doing 75% or more of the talking. If you are doing most of the talking, I guarantee you that the date is not going nearly as well as you think it is…”

[@corpgov]

hmm, as the man you should be steering and leading the conversation. Who does more of the talking is a moot point. Are you getting her feelings engaged? is the key question

[@JA-zy7pp]

75% of the date? Don't you know guys nowadays? When they continue dating and the woman tell him to stop, the guy would put all the blame to the woman, like gave him hints and wasted his time blah blah..

[@cheekymonkeygirl3378]

A man needs to impress us because they are the one not getting dates. We are the prize. 😼

[@23pushingp]

I make sure the convo is 50/50 and all my dates end in the sheets

[@superboy3633]

@@cheekymonkeygirl3378 ok.🤣

[@RLDrums7]

I am an executive recruiter. I send people out on first interviews/ dates all the time. The resume validates the ability to do the job. I teach my candidates to not re-validate themselves with a speech about their value but to converse with the interviewer ironically getting the interviewer to talk more. It works. The interviewer, usually a woman, literally talks herself through the interview without having time for close ended questions. Then the kicker: when the time is running short, I instruct the candidate to gracefully end the interview. Something like, "I know we had 30 minutes scheduled. Thank you so much for the conversation. Let me know the next steps..." And done.

[@AtheismF7W]

Thank you!

[@bobdavis7290]

HAHAHAHA!!! That's Peter Faulks, Detective Columbo w/an assumptive close. It's a really good technique.

[@dattrax7]

Thank you for sharing this. Very useful in the stage I'm in.

[@Khan-rz8qi]

@bobdavis7290 It's a great technique. I call it the push and pull method, when yall are together It's her job to do most of the talking. As a man your like a puzzle to her, let her have fun trying to solve you and dig into the details of your life as time go by. Completely revealing your hands in the first couple of interactions, means she's solved the puzzle, so the attraction fades. Men don't enjoy playing those games, which is why they're quick to reveal everything about themselves. Be a puzzle she actually has to put the effort in trying to solve, that's what keeps her mind stimulated. Anything outside of this is going to fill her with boredom💯

[@billgnansounou]

This won't work for a technical interview or a job that requires multiple rounds of interviews with different hiring managers

[@jackbradley3388]

"your actual existence has a near-zero chance of correlating with her fantasy" Simultaneously laughing and crying.

[@danteeightsix9069]

If someone likes you, you don't have to try hard to get their attention.

[@VaronPlateando]

but better to not give a phq. anyways.

[@8House]

I never had to try for any of my LTRs. We just clicked before there was even a date. No ridiculous audition for either of us. We bonded quickly. My last LTR is my wife of 40+ years. Dating today seems like a painful grind. Glad I'm old.

[@IAmTheEggMan111]

No, but you can quite easily make her unattracted by talking too much

[@bearclaw5115]

This is not about getting their attention but keeping it.

[@latt.qcd9221]

Bingo.

[@adararelgnel2695]

This is why, as a woman, I made it a rule to always give ourselves atleast 2 times to go out. Because we can both mess up the first time even though there may be potential

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Results?

[@temich1985]

And it would be really great if women or maybe men too stop ghosting, and leave someone hanging after they thought they had a great date. You can always reply “sorry, not interested” and block the person after you send it, if you so afraid or uncomfortable to have to talk to them again

[@user-nl2gy4ux7r]

That's so considerate.

[@yukisnoww]

Yes, actually most people mess up first rounds. Second rounds surprise often...I think there was a dating expert on a podcast channel, where they mentioned that too. Simply giving a second date lead to a way better result, don't be too quick to dismiss.

[@SunshineSuperstar]

You sound half decent as a person you know!

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

The human courtship ritual is very a delicate dance between talking but not talking so much that you out her off. Working hard and being ambitious, but not so ambitious that you don't have time for her. Being a dominant alpha male but still being emotionally vulnerable. Being intelligent but being stupid enough to marry. Good luck, gentlemen.

[@TheBroSplit]

Being stupid sounds like no fun at all.

[@tomaszsosnowski9279]

It's a totally doable process. Experience and intelligence make it pretty easy to balance and nuance many facets of personality.

[@tomaszsosnowski9279]

And of course, don't marry. At most, let her propose to you, if she is a good catch.

[@Willie_Wahzoo]

lmfao. The "courtship dance" is putting up with the bimbo's narcissism. That's it. Period.

[@dificulttocure]

It can be summarized as being a balanced individual and not letting one thing consume your whole life. You make it sound like it's irrational and difficult to achieve, but it actually isn't. But I sense a lot of anger and resentment in your message, my advice is you should probably work on that before trying anything with women. There's nothing more unattractive to good women than misogynistic or resentful men.

[@andramelk115]

“swipe hundreds” … l love how optimistic you are Doc 🤣

[@Twas-RightHere]

Add a 0

[@Onlooker71]

7:55 this part literally made me laugh out loud. The less women know about the man, the better his odds. Isn’t that the truth.

[@freemindkev]

People will forget what you say, but they DON’T forget the way you made them feel. Talk less. Listen more. Have fun.

[@jamescollins408]

Yip, you got it. It's about how you make a woman feel!

[@ChuckSneedly]

​@@jamescollins408because we know thinking isn't their forte 😂😂😂

[@FrankM]

I learned a long time ago that it's not important if the woman likes you, but it's more important if you like her. This allows you to ask open-ended pertinent but reasonable questions that are important to you, which get the woman to talk about herself. If you don't like what she says, how her behavior is, you can end the date, bid her adieu, and keep it moving to the next woman.

[@VaronPlateando]

that's right and also huMAN frequently emphasized upon the issue of gents having, and adhering to, relevant standards in view of xx.s to vet, not unlike those for friendships, too.

[@AAJ23801]

Thank you.

[@AAJ23801]

That’s the manner in which I operate. Everything else hogwash.

[@mikey92362]

I've been trying to teach this to guys for ages now. It's 100% fact. Every time! You should never, EVER lie to a woman (or anyone for that matter), but the more you say, the more you talk yourself out of a sale. Every detail you don't tell her about your life works to your advantage. Her mind will fill in the gaps with what she wants you to be. The more gaps, the more you're the man to fulfil her fantasies. I don't even tell women what i do for a living on the first date. I'm retired (at age 40) and live off of interest and dividends. Boring! And she'll probably see that as flaunting my wealth. Instead, her mind will wonder why I won't talk about my job. She'll make up her own fantasy. I've had women tell me they thought I was a drug dealer or criminal (which turned them on!), a CIA government spy, a hitman, a secret billionaire, a bounty hunter, an informant in witness protection, and all sorts of crazy stuff like that. Men might be better at imagining things like how to fix the car. But when it comes to fantasy, women are the gold medalists. Guys....stop talking and start asking more questions!!!

[@MrAlb3rtazzo]

how do you answer when they ask you whats your job on the first date?

[@-glitch-8195]

So in technicality, men want women to be delusional for their own benefit? If women were to see any man for what he truly is, will they all leave? Also do you think this concept works if you're trying to have longevity? How do you think the dynamic of that relationship will be once she realizes that you are not what she thought you were? If anything this just goes to show that you're not confident in yourself to the point that you want her to believe things about you that are not true. You're still lying if you are concealing information. It's a lie of omission. It's ok to vet, but a whole another thing to trail someone along into believing falsehoods. If you do this to a good person, the emotional damage from it is very dangerous. As much as you might think it's "hot" to seem mysterious, you're responsible for your own self image. Of course people can have their misunderstandings but if you're not correcting them, then you're the one fostering misconceptions. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if a woman did that back to you.

[@mikey92362]

@@MrAlb3rtazzo "Great question! That'll give us something exciting to talk about on our next date." See how I build excitement AND throw in the assumptive close there?

[@mikey92362]

@twilight1181 You ever had a job interview?

[@mikey92362]

@@-glitch-8195 We don't want them to be delusional. It's just how they are. So you have to learn to understand it and play along. You won't get to longevity if she kicks you to the curb after one date. And most girls WILL do that for the most trivial of reasons, because they have endless options today. It's not a lie of omission because I specifically tell them I'm not answering that question. I don't force them to make stuff up in their heads. And seriously, the hypocrisy! Do you think women tell me that the reason they're asking is because they're trying to get me to reveal how much wealth, status, and income I have? Only a fool would believe there's any other reason a woman asks about your job in the first few minutes of knowing a man. Now THAT is a lie of omission. So sure, I should be correcting them, as you say. Because we all know there's nothing in this world a modern woman loves more than when a man corrects her. LOL

[@a.town.2053]

I needed this video 24 hours ago…talked myself out of a first date by shattering the fantasy too soon.

[@Balloushop13]

In all my studies on relationships, as well as the ones I’ve been in, this is the greatest summation of practical knowledge I’ve ever heard, and it’s being explained in the most sensible way possible. Anyone who doesn’t listen to this man and is having issues getting a second date needs a few hard hitting life experiences to get the lesson.

[@tomjones5338]

Not one person is perfect simple

[@bennyblubman9476]

"She should talk 3-4x as much as you" This makes me feel so much better because I cannot carry a conversation but I'm a good listener.

[@PutYoRhymeOn]

Tricky thing is you actually have to listen and give her little sprinkles here and there of signs you're listening, and contribute a little. You can't just act like you're listening to some ASMR or the radio to sleep. Like background music.

[@gailainsley6939]

Too bad I don’t talk. Just observe. & yes. I’m the woman. They don’t know what to do when I’m quiet.

[@harsh3948]

@@gailainsley6939 they should stand up and leave because it’s clear they ain’t getting a second date

[@andrasbiro3007]

@@gailainsley6939 Sounds like the deal of the century. Men always complain about women talking too much.

[@gailainsley6939]

@@andrasbiro3007 Exactly. 😂😂

[@Khan-rz8qi]

In my experience, the vast majority of relationships or experiences I’ve had with women didn’t come from going on “dates”. It came from just clicking in the beginning and it usually history from there. I feel like taking a woman on a date in the first place puts you in a position where you have to impress her, the ball is in her court, she’s the judge. This dynamic isn’t healthy in my opinion because in my experiences a woman has to look up to you. Admire you and crave you emotional attention for a relationship to truly thrive. Kinda like Orion said with her being the adorer. Dates inherently puts the man in the position of having to be the adorer which automatically messes up the power dynamic in terms of attraction, raising the chances of failure. I can’t tell men not to take women out on dates, but what I will tell you is that when a woman is REALLY feeling you, she’ll usually see a date as a waste of time because she’s already made her mind up about you, and just want to be around as much as she can.💯💯

[@profet1385]

No dating doesn't put u in adorer . .

[@Khan-rz8qi]

@@profet1385 I didn’t say dating itself makes a man the adorer. It’s the act of taking a woman out on a date itself, that places a man in the adorer position. For me it’s always just clicked, I see her, she sees me, she shows interest, I pull up and talk to her and it’s just great times from there. No planning, no time wasted, just pure attraction.💯

[@RH-td7vc]

This is actually terrible advice. Nearly every woman I spoke to are turned off by low effort, even if the guy is a Chad.

[@Khan-rz8qi]

@@RH-td7vc Where did I say put no effort? You obviously still have to spit game and mentally stimulate a woman. I’m talking about going on dates or making big expenses right off the bat. That’s a recipe for failure.

[@patnor7354]

@@RH-td7vc "Spoke to". Look at what they do, not what they say.

[@Excrucior17]

No nonsense, demystifying, clear facts. I've never heard such a straight to the point, acute, sagacious, empirical talk about this. So many men (and women, as a consequence) can benefit from this. Pragmatic, practical, useful, game-changer. Exactly what is needed to be understood. Brilliant.

[@psychacks]

Thanks for the support! It helps me keep going.

[@Satsui_No_Hado]

You're steadily becoming one of my favorite content creators. You're so genuine and wholesome and you give a different perspective than some of the other manisphere while still sprinkling your own special mix. I'm here for it. Many others are. Thanks for doing what you do brother 👊

[@worksbydandeprez]

I got a good lesson in this shortly after I moved to Mexico. My Spanish was only basic but I went on first dates with women who spoke English well and some who spoke no English at all. Only one of the first dates with an English-speaking woman went well while all of the dates with women who spoke zero English went well to very well. I knew enough Spanish to answer basic questions and ask questions of her, and to attentively listen to her answers. I spent 75% of the date making eye contact and smiling and/or nodding. The woman was pleased and wanted a second date.

[@DrMariKovanen]

Yes absolutely! Men need to learn to LISTEN. That is the most frequent comment I hear from women who are either in relationships or looking for a relationship. Trying to impress a woman only communicates to the woman that the guy is not interested in her internal world and she will quickly make her judgment about that. If you are truly interested in her and her views on life, she will feel a connection with you.

[@charles2241]

You said it. It's exactly why I ran an experiment on approaching girls, though before that I hardly did it at all (the general introvert outlook).This took some 3-4 years and I got like 100 cases altogether, which ended about a year ago. The idea was that if I had an idea or curiosity that came into my head, I was to take it to the nearest random woman and see what she thought. Success was determined by if she apparently was pleased I interrupted her, and even a neutral response counted as failure. What was my final score? 100%. Now all I did was present what I said, and I didn't lavish anything like with romance or wanting a date, and it's rather amazing to me how well it works. I've talked to women like that all through my life, and I did the experiment to prove I could talk to ALL women any time I pleased, because I had discovered that when I thought of a girl in a romantic way, I couldn't ever talk to her. Romance, apparently, needed to wait till it was EARNED later. The excellent thing about the non-romantic approach is it gives her nothing to reject, and yet the guy gets some time getting her used to him. Hard to believe the extroverts go with the laying it on thick approach, and are willing to put up with so much failure. I currently trying to develop a theory, and let's see if you can help me with it, hmm? Are you an introvert, and if not, are you well acquainted with introvert girl thinking? I think it's really common for at least the introverted girls, to never talk to a guy unless he talks to her first. I take this to mean that she doesn't think he would welcome her to talk to him, unless he makes the first approach, right? If that is so, and the guy merely asks her a question like I did (not even introduce myself), but doesn't ask her for a date, etc, has he passed that first phase she desires, by the guy FIRST talking to her, sort of singling her out? If so, then she will have no problem talking to him first in the future, right? And this would especially be the case if she knew no other men that approached her that way (a friendship angle) and she knew only guys that approached via the common dating advice angle we see (complete with phony compliments, fake romance, asking for a date and/or phone number, etc). What do you think of all of that? I'm trying to devise what I should've done when I was younger, but didn't have a clue about.

[@mattskinner846]

I have not heard this piece of advice articulated elsewhere, and it’s a massive relief honestly. It’s so much easier to let her talk. Talking slower, and less, while holding a sexual vibe/gaze is really important

[@dattrax7]

Another excellent video Doc. Filled with better insights than ten regular first date advice videos. Thank you.

[@xtangent1846]

Nailed it, her fantasy will fade after the first date or in 7 years but will end.

[@Peoniesplease555]

This is the funniest video you’ve done, Orion. Pure comedy gold while faithfully representing my dating experiences in the last few months. Both sides are doing their best, bless our hearts. 😂

[@mancmanomomyst]

I think this applies to a certain subset of women at certain stages of life. A lot of women find it uncomfortable talking about themselves and if you're only asking them questions to draw out more from them, it can feel like an interrogation. Women are drawn to men with charisma. If you're good at storytelling, that can draw her in. If you sit there with akward silences because you're trying to talk less than she does, she's not going to feel a connection. If you're constantly talking about yourself too, that will put her off. What you want to do is engage her. Make her feel like you have things in common. When I do a job interview I want the interviewer to imagine that they've already got the job and it's the same with women, make them feel like they're already in a relationship. Leave a little intrigue to explore, you don't need to spill all your guts out straight away, but make her feel like she knows you!

[@amantinoubliable]

Open ended questions... The magic key for clear communication, for filtering the right woman for you, and to connect on deeper levels... Thank you for your work.

[@mikepaulus4766]

After her divorce my cousin Samantha spent some time going out to get laid. She would always find a guy she wanted to hook up with, but he would usually talk her out of it.

[@JJ-vp3bd]

how would they talk her out of it

[@VaronPlateando]

well... sometimes it did dawn on me in past encounters that I'd possibly come to 'blow' things via certain nxt move - but I gave it a phq. xx.s can't | won't ever again help it not to come out as chunks of redflag, actually. and the probability of relative mis-fit is at 98.5%+ I guess. beyond, in looking at how rare a man I am (searching delution calculator-wise...) I'm defo not into selling myself short to ignoramuses (better sad | safe than sorry)... may xx.s be lead by their tingles straight into wolves' fangs. alright.

[@lonestarr1490]

​@@JJ-vp3bd By talking. Didn't you watch the video?

[@JJ-vp3bd]

about what exactly @@lonestarr1490

[@centralintelligenceagency9003]

I've found that the women who end up being an actually decent lay are not the ones so easily talked out of sleeping with them.

[@AtheismF7W]

Your work keeps me sane. Thanks Dr. T.

[@momotheelder7124]

Maybe the most succinct yet intellectually stimulating guide on what to do on a first date. well done.

[@user60521123]

I completely concur. My approach to dating when I was single was based on the premise that men have no idea what women found attractive in men; we just vaguely know what turns them off. Based on that don’t do the obvious things that turn women off, always be polite, have fun, and if she ends up not wanting a second date-be as cool as a cucumber about it. From there, like Orion pointed out, it’s a crap shoot. Also, another reason for men to do most of the listening is to not give away to much of yourself. I like to think of each date as an opportunity to tell her about one thing about me. Dates are like giving little clues about yourself. Anyway, awesome video.

[@lonestarr1490]

One thing about yourself per date?! Either you plan on going on a lot of dates with a woman, or there's really not much going on with you. Hell, if I revealed just one thing per date the woman in question could easily suspect me to be a Russian spy at the day of our marriage still.

[@mattgraves3709]

The one difference for my current situation is, the person I asked out last night I have known for the better part of a year from a support group. We have both shared some pretty huge pieces of ourselves and many things are the darker, shadow side of ourselves. Still the way to do well doesn't change. I think making her feel heard and showing further interest in her life by listening can't go wrong. Great video

[@KingJoshwer]

Man you are so funny. This video was a joy to watch as you seemed to be more natural and enjoy talking about the topic more than in some other episodes. Thank you for this talk doctor!

[@Diiooss]

Man, this video makes me put a loots of dots together. Thank you.

[@martinzen]

This advice is so on point. Took me a long time to realize it but it's totally true. Don't say more than you need and let her fill the gaps so you don't kill mystery. Still you need to lead the interaction to make it progress/escalate.

[@NOWmaryme]

As a woman, I wholeheartedly agree. I like the conversation to be 50/50. I want to feel adored by a man, and I don’t when a man is just talking, talking, talking… Sometimes they’ll just go on and on about things that are turn offs, and if worsens the whole thing.

[@NaruOotori]

The way you deliver information sometimes makes my laugh about really sad things, and this is awesome.

[@zeratulmrc]

Very good advice!! In an attempt to feed the chat it is quite common to talk too much about ourselves thinking that this will CREATE interest in us, when it is the opposite. 🤯

[@adamkane9340]

1000% correct. Become a masterful conversationalist and you will be drained from attention from women. Which leads to what men want.

[@danielosmon]

I learned this years ago. It's good practice with any relationship, not just intimate. I can tell from experience that it works

[@gaddaitherage8204]

Great advice. Every interaction with a new person is an chance to uncover a whole new universe.

[@napoleonmdusa8877]

Great video. I've heard about this stuff but never had it explained why so thanks for that.

[@mikereincastle9746]

So true, I’ve blown dozens of first dates. Women have a way of getting you to open up and before you know it, you’ve dug your own grave! I’ve only just realised this and you’ve confirmed it….thank you.

[@mattgraves3709]

This is exactly true. Nailed it perfectly. Women feel like the most special person in the world when you're listening to them, talk about themselves and when you ask proper questions to get them to go deeper into detail and what they want to talk about Get them talking about the things they're passionate about, the things that they're proud of... My friend John has a way of making anybody man or woman feel like the most special person in the world and not to out myself too much. But we're part of a recovery community and he gets a lot of new followers because of this very reason helps a lot of people. I think becoming a good listener and letting people do more of the talking is an altruistic behavior

[@ottomusprime5028]

Of all the first date advice videos out there in the tuber verse, this has to be the best, honestly.

[@BWater-yq3jx]

That was such good work I actually let the ad play through after. 😎👍

[@Wong-Jack-Man]

Remember gents it’s not a date it’s an interview for a job as a husband and only a temp job at that.

[@MrRocksW]

This is great practical advice. This is something I can actually do

[@amp85d]

This is absolutely brilliant.

[@spearfish]

This is top tier advice. Every guy should listen to this.

[@engineerofthemachine]

I can see a lot of what Orion is talking about in my own experience. If the date is going well, I’ll usually ask about their dating “horror stories.” This gives us both something to laugh about and we can bond over the atrocity of online dating. Most of the women’s stories revolve around the mistakes that Orion talks about here. Tip: be nice to the wait staff. Almost every woman has a bad story about a guy who turned them off by being an ass to the wait staff. Really, in my experience, it’s just being good at conversation, mostly the listening part, which I find helps with people in general.

[@aeganratheesh]

As if women don't treat men like sh*t?

[@pazzodi3]

This is utterly stupid... If you want to lose interest immediately in her by knowing how many dates she's been on with multiple men then follow this logic. Otherwise never talk about other men with women, or ex's. Leave that shit alone. There are a million better things to talk about.

[@eladbari]

Sounds very white-knighty or friendzoney tactics...

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Yuck. Terrible advice. Introduces negativity and makes her wonder why the women treated you so bad. Stop.

[@dominikvonlavante6113]

​@@GUITARTIME2024The answer as a man is to say that you are picky. The only wierd experience you can think off the tip of your head was when that one fling started squirting 😅

[@stevenintexas6947]

I really enjoy and get value from your videos. After a 30 year relationship I’m unfortunately starting all over again and I can’t remember how I’m supposed to do this dating thing. It’s so different from 30 years ago before the internet.

[@cyclone411]

Good luck to you, Steven,. same situation here. Not running into suitable women just about anywhere in real life. So-called "dating" sites not yielding any dates after almost two years of looking. Orion's advice here is totally solid - but means nothing if you aren't even finding a woman for a date. The women online are burned out from too many "like every picture" men blasting them. They zone out and never read your messages. If you try the sites, look hard for NEW women on there who you can usually tell by the naive statements they post like "well, thought I'd give this a try". You can tell the really burned out ones as they eventually change their posts to incredibly angry, judgemental, demanding vents of their frustration (like any guy is going to respond to that!). Hope the women in Texas are more positive for you.

[@A1FitnessCenterCT]

This is groundbreaking and spot on. Bravo good sir

[@reasonitout9087]

Sir, you are quite the genius! Your video is totally groundbreaking. I know this is correct. Thank you so much.

[@TarpeianRock]

Be absolutely yourself : if she doesn’t like you as the person you are, you both have no (meaningful) future together. Be thankful that if she does not like you as the person you are, you know this quickly and you both do not lose time and emotional energy and get to be too disappointed. (it’s always a good thing to evaluate yourself honestly to comprehend if you’re fundamentally that person worth knowing/dating….but this is a big, big, big chapter that a whole lotta men (and women) conveniently skip…)

[@lonestarr1490]

Well, I don't know about you, but I certainly cannot convey a complete picture of myself on a single date. The woman in question would have to be willing to learn _a lot._ And why would she want to do that? To hook her is tremendously important. And in order to do that, you have to remain a riddle for the time being - as alluring as possible. That's what the video is about: it's not about delusion, but about creating the baseline interest you need for anything to develop.

[@jamesholster5323]

​@@lonestarr1490perfectly said.

[@johnfarrell6995]

Excellent video---A woman, years ago, gave me the same advise that you are giving in this video, and it works.

[@JJ-vp3bd]

to ask her a lot of questions

[@M450No]

Your videos have made an impact on my life.

[@AtzraelTony]

This was eye opening, thank you!

[@Amlux1984]

I think this applies to more than dating, but life in general. People love to talk about themselves, and they like people who listen to them talk about themselves.

[@terrodar19]

Divorced 6 months ago and im proud to say that i crush it on first dates. im so relaxed, playful, and make them feel super comfortable. they always complement how unapologetic i say things and how direct i am. all with humor. It has been ME who’s turned down women, not the other way around

[@siheath3648]

And modest too...

[@michaeldaly3254]

@@siheath3648 🤣

[@inconnu4961]

@@siheath3648 Dont HATE him because he is beautiful!

[@ST-yc7uj]

Still having sex with your ex..

[@nimmichagger165]

Ok

[@shiyason213]

god damn genius man, love how you flipped it at the end, preventing criticism by preemptively shutting down the counter arguments 😆

[@talkingtochapri]

He looked like a clown for doing that 💀 manipulation and looking presentable are two different things. Women do their and don't wear pajamas even when they go out with their female friends, it's their daily routine nothing to do males. Even lesbians wear makeup, do their hair, wear dresses, etc to look presentable. Both women and males care about their appearance, males even trim their monkey beard, get enlargement, have facial surgeries to impress women. The counter argument at the end was useless. Regardless of how quiet you stay, you true color will come out after 3-4 dates and women will still dump those males 🤷‍♂️

[@JohnSmith-ks5xw]

You are very talented in this day and age. Your message is perfect for modern times. Glad to have you. Regards.

[@duperuza3247]

This is a well produced, succinct video that really gets to the heart of dating dynamics. Does a good job explaining why the majority of dates I went on as a young man resembled a job interview. My question now is "is it even worth the effort?" If I have to go on 100 dates to have a chance to find a respectable partner, why shouldn't I instead put that time, money and energy into pursuits I can do right now that have a more immediate + postive effect (eg gym, work, spending time with good friends?) Sitting down for a couple of hours at a time with the average modern lady, only to listen for 80% of the experience may be a good way to proceed to the next date but it holds very little appeal to me. I'd much rather spend that time with a good book or video game. Still, this advice is solid for young blokes looking for help on dating so kudos, keep up the good content.

[@greg1493]

I’ve certainly blown plenty of dates/future dates doing this exact thing. This is a very good perspective and answers a lot 👍

[@peterpattex5812]

Wow, I'm honestly impressed by your videos.

[@stevegaines3590]

i agree.....it makes perfect sense..,,, but i'd never thought of this until now.... thank you...

[@danpolo8829]

This could be one of the best pieces of advice that I’ve heard from you. It’s a very practical way to approach dating. A woman’s most powerful sexual organ is her brain. Let her stay in her fantasy as long as possible since you probably can’t compare to her own imagination.

[@gregorythompson4517]

This man is a genius.

[@stevenlawrence5733]

One of your best videos!! God Bless

[@bjornviir3333]

great advice...many of us have been banging our head against the wall for lack of this knowledge. 50 good moves and 1 bad move will likely cost u a chess game.

[@T.DeCervantez]

I treat the first date as an interview for them. I don’t do casual dating as it’s a been there done that situation. I keep telling guys: when you’re in control of your sexuality and primal urges as a man, and you really analyse what a woman is saying: watch her dance for you. The table is now turned.

[@Willie_Wahzoo]

They don't dance. They can't dance. They're do self-involved and aimless to dance. Once you realize what they are, you cannot enjoy them or their company. A selfish, rotten creature is disgusting and a waste of energy and time.

[@T.DeCervantez]

@@eladbari There’s no analogy, it’s just a figure of speech to say, sit back and let them put on a show for you. Instead of you trying to please them.

[@svenmorgenstern9506]

And, in my case it tends to come off as desperation on their part. It's amusing, occasionally annoying...end of the day, no sale.

[@jesusisking3814]

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. Jesus Christ loves you so much that He died for your sins and rose from the dead. If you repent from evil ways, believe that Jesus has paid the fine for your sins on the cross and confess Him as your Lord, you will be saved. You see, we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, that's why Jesus Christ, fullness of Godhead bodily, lived a perfect life, fulfilled the prophecies and law, shed His Blood at the cross just so you could be forgiven, reconciled back to the Father, receive God's love, be made a new creation, whole, sanctified. It's not about religion and what good works you can do to earn salvation, it's only by grace through faith in the finished works of Jesus Christ. Read God's Word, preferably start with Gospel of John, pray for the Holy Spirit to fill you, give you wisdom and revelation that way you're born again and see your life changed by the Spirit of the Most High. Much love and God bless you!

[@johnpatzold8675]

These videos crack me up. Truth always brings out a sense of humor. The things we laugh about always have a kernel of truth. I recognize having done eveything you're saying. :) :)

[@TheAjmos]

Some solid, classic advice. When I was younger, someone told me “just get her to talk about herself” and I did!!

[@kwatt-engineer796]

Given the scenario you described it's a wonder my wife and I made it to the second date. We were having dinner together when my (future) wife said that she usually scared men away. This piqued my interest in what would come next. The next hour and a half resembled a cross examination. I had nothing to prove,or hide, so I answered with the unvarnished truth (let the chips fall, etc.) her questions also gave me valuable insights into her value system. She was very direct and I could see why many men would wilt under her questioning. Actually, I respected her approach to cutting through the BS. We used our subsequent dates to add details about each other The more we saw each other the better I liked what I was seeing. One evening she suggested that I was just toying with her feelings. Iv'e been known to make rash moves and decided to call her bluff. So, I asked her to marry me. It was the last thing she expected to hear.. Six months later we tied the knot. That was over 20 years ago and we are about as happy as a couple can get.

[@lonestarr1490]

Congratulations (honestly). Now to answer your (implicit) question: yes, it is a wonder it worked out for you that way. That is very far from the usual course of events. Therefore, no man should attempt to follow suit, for the odds will be far from in his favor.

[@robertfindley921]

Good advice. Of course the number of hurdles on a first date is a function of how physically attracted to you she is. And she could just be using you for a free meal, as an orbiter candidate, as a Friend Zone candidate, to make someone jealous, to make someone envious, for validation, .... But if her intentions are true, your cautions are wise.

[@balllegend8519]

Hey, man, I really enjoyed watching this video. You told the stuff in such an interesting manner, with so much enthusiasm. The clash of man's and woman's psyches kind of resulted in a comedy show. Well done

[@JTZMansur]

Some of the best dating advice I've heard in a minute. I've been quiet and the talkier. Quiet was always able to seal the deal. I'm going to practice this.

[@megalord17]

Got a first date coming up soon (hopefully) As always, thanks man.

[@Lenny-zn8hn]

dont overinvest and dont be too outreaching. have fun.

[@LinkinVoider]

How did it go? I had a date last week, it all went pretty well but then I found out we had different goals in life... And we just drifted off. That's how it is.

[@xtrem04]

That was honestly, beautifully explain.

[@memeorandom2299]

Extremely helpful info man 😎🤙🏽

[@IntegralLifestyleDesign]

I’d say not flirting/sexualising during the date in any way is also a big problem. A lot of guys seem to struggle with this.

[@susanhaines7358]

Absofreakinglutely

[@centralintelligenceagency9003]

Well if she just sits there like a taxidermied raccoon what the Hell am I going top flirt to her about? 100% of the times I don't flirt are simply because she doesn't give off any flirty vibe, either, and when i flirt, it's when I got signals from her.

[@pcdm43145]

_Random Thought:_ That is a really nice living-room/den/study. Looks very calm & relaxing.

[@JorgeRamirez]

Clear, and right to the point.

[@bobdavis7290]

Exactly. Every time you open your mouth, just put your foot into it. And yes, just ask a few leading questions and let her ramble. When she does that, she's going to give you all the information you need, so listen up.

[@TurnLemons2Lemonade_]

Yes. Thank you for sharing this information. Feeling heard and listened to is absolutely what women want, especially on a first date. I’ve left so many first dates feeling frustrated because the guy talked the whole time and didn’t ask me many questions. Whether it’s true or not, it sends the message that he must not be interested in me at all. Any attraction I may have had is pretty much gone at that point. Conversely, he’s also right. I have stuck around much longer than I should have in some cases, like if the guy didn’t have his life together, but he really listened.

[@sirsurnamethefirstofhisnam7986]

I’ve had exactly the opposite experiences where every women thinks I’m boring because I prefer to listen and ask questions rather than talk about myself I’m not a loud or talkative person and women seem to genuinely hate that

[@TurnLemons2Lemonade_]

@@sirsurnamethefirstofhisnam7986 then share some interesting things about yourself, too. It’s not all or nothing.

[@thereisnosanctuary6184]

Shaddup

[@h.f.4095]

really excellent points.

[@hanshartmann2761]

I know this episode is not recent, but it is one of the most important to me because it helped me realize that there was a lot I didn't know about women, especially at the beginning of the courtship process, and how women think. It made sense to me and I tried to apply what I learned. I was stunned to notice how quickly the results came through. Thank you, Dc Taraban, this channel is really helpful, and all the content is high quality.

[@Dhalgrim]

Just came from a date two hours ago. Her dog didn’t bite me and actually really liked me. She said her dog (scaredy cat) doesn’t like most men, she (female dog) even bit the last guy she met a few weeks ago 😅 Her dog is super important to her so I insisted on her bringing her and made it more my mission for the dog to like me. She already went a day later on holiday to meet up so I knew she liked me already.

[@freedomfunwithjlbfriends7193]

Sounds like you are more attracted to the dog than her lol

[@THEDRAWINGSTUDIO1]

I had my first date since my breakup in 2021. I was so rusty and got a bit too comfortable in my own skin, so I kept talking and talking and talking about my autistic interests in philosophy and books and didn't let her talk once. I also spent way too much on our food. You live and learn lol.

[@inconnu4961]

Do you have male friends you hang out with? Because those are the people you should talk endlessly about your interests. it sounds like you turned her into a best-buddy on the first date, because you had no other outlet for it. Painful lesson, but like the smartman said: allow her do 80% of the talking, you offer short concise opinions or affirmations then follow up questions. You want to interview her for the position of: being your girl.

[@JohnSmith-ks5xw]

You'll learn. Look at dating as a scientific experiment in learning human behavior (responses positive, negative, and neutral) and don't take it personally. You're gonna do fine.

[@GUITARTIME2024]

Never go to dinner on first date and learn to LISTEN.

[@annesmith9181]

Talking endlessly on and on about your stuff and she never got to say a thing. Typical. I hope she ordered lobster and Dom. And then sent you the bill for the therapy she had to get after you almost bored her to death.

[@JohnSmith-ks5xw]

@@annesmith9181 Wow, what an incredibly nasty and entitled comment.

[@orlandos8323]

Brilliant exposé Thank You

[@braidswav]

Love the video. Thank you! Headed to a first coffee date. Took some gems

[@faceious2006]

I think the less physically attracted she is to you this becomes more true. If she finds you very physically attractive then you really have to butcher the situation to not get a second date. I believe the failures you speak of had much more to do with the woman not finding the men very physically attractive over the words spoken.

[@alexjuravle7302]

Definitely yes. You can sense it in an instance if she is attracted to you or not. I saw both ways, (usually not attracted, due to my height). I never ever bragged or something, talked too much or whatever. But I can say that if she was attracted to me, I could say even mysoginistic stuff and it wasnt a big deal. I think that things are way more simple, and this is called attraction (the first one must be physical).

[@exyl_sounds]

Wife material chicks WILL compromise on attraction for the sake of more stable traits. The video is spot on tbh. Trying to flex that ur a high value man makes u arrogant, and harms your mystery. If you stop talking about yourself for a moment, and be genuinely curious about her, she'll gladly talk about herself. Who doesn't like talking about themselves? Helps you find out about what she likes before you show your cards too.

[@seventhkeyomegasghost8233]

@@exyl_sounds no such thing exists, in America.

[@exyl_sounds]

@@seventhkeyomegasghost8233 They absolutely exist, but when they get snapped up from the dating pool, they don't hop around relationships like the ones for the streets. So they probably get taken quite young, and they get taken forever.

[@gentnextdoor]

Facts

[@alexjuravle7302]

I never been a talker or ever talked too much about myself, even the opossite. I tried both ways (talking and not talking, not bragging) and the results were kind of similar. But certainly I can sense the instant physical attraction or the lack of it. Most of the time I sensed the lack of it, even tho through dating apps I did okayish (through texting I never had a problem, if the woman is engaging), but in person, it was a different story and mostly was related to physical attraction. I can observe the little gestures of woman when she is attracted or not. I can mainly say that this happened way more due to my short height (5'7); it is not in my head, because all of them told me or picked on me with this. Of course, I dont reduce this to height only, there a lot more aspects, but those are my observations. I would say to be moderate in talking or not bragging. But if she is attracted to you physical, you can be in many ways, even insecure. At least for some time.

[@leelybuckwheatjr]

So a man who gets a date is more interesting to the woman than wearing sweat pants and watching reality tv. That kind of encouragement is what keeps me coming back to this channel

[@andrewparsons3277]

Being pretty introverted and reserved this sounds great. I generally rather ask questions and listen than talk about myself anyway.

[@DougHinVA]

He is telling the truth ... I told women I appreciate that she took time and effort to meet when I met for a first date. I specifically told her that 'We don't have to kiss on the first date' and meant it.

[@jonathanpenduka7420]

annnnd ...

[@jenniferlee7167]

You are assuming she wanted to kiss you in the first place?

[@inconnu4961]

@@jenniferlee7167 of course! why not? she agreed to go on a date; that suggests some level of attraction, doesnt it?

[@latt.qcd9221]

@@inconnu4961 Of course it doesn't. Studies have shown that roughly a *_third_* of women have admitted to foodie calls -- i.e. going on a date just for a free meal, with zero interest in the man.

[@easylife6348]

@@inconnu4961 if she really want to kiss him the man being an idiot for ruining her fantasy completely. This why you have to talk as less as possible with these women to escalate things farther in dating.

[@easter_sunday]

Dating for a man is like paying for your own interrogation.

[@fernandobautista4914]

Thanks for the advice, it makes sense.

[@alex124241]

This helps so much. Thank you

[@testtest-fr3zw]

Noted. If I ever get to the 1st data. I will try this out...

[@inconnu4961]

LOL no joke! First things first!

[@Maulbeere]

This can backfire... i's a lose lose proposition to not be authentic. Also I get creeped out if the guy does this too hard and turns the date into 20 question or an interview, and I WANT him to talk about himself because I want to find out who he is as a person. The entire POINT of the date is I already chose him and need more info. If he's being cagey I'll assume the worst and run a mile, and I do notice if he tries to trick me by only having me talk. I have never had a guy 'blow' a date from being authentic. If I hear that goals don't match we can talk about it and find that actually neither of us want to continue or there's a way around it. It allows things to be mutual and I really don't like surprises an I don't forgive liars. Why waste his time and money buying dinner knowing I'm going to find out next time, that gains nothing. Blowing the first date is better than blowing the third by being finally honest too late. Yeah I think this one is horrible advice.