90 Day Fiancé - (Jorge & Anfisa #31) - Hidden Love - Therapist Reacts

[@Julia-us1nu]

The problem is lying about expectations. If you tell someone you have lots of money and use it to draw you into a relationship, there will be problems when those expectations aren't met.

[@amberwilliams8240]

She left her country, friends and family to struggle in America. That wasn't what she signed up for.

[@alarizanevarez4356]

That story about the divorced dad buying gifts really hits home for me. My dad left my mom when I was 2, and my sister and I only saw him every other weekend growing up. As we got older we saw him less and less. As adults, we’re not very close to our dad and we recognize he tries to show us his love through gifts and money. We try not to be bitter but I know we would rather have a strong relationship over anything else.

[@jmorphiscave]

Ty for sharing. Same with me.

[@ihaveadegreeinmemes6377]

yup

[@koobie83]

My mum grew up with a dad just like this. He would be away working day and night and hardly see them. He made up for it by showering them with gifts. Mum then grew up to equate spending money = happiness and the fix for all distress. So Mum as a result has little financial literacy and has struggled her whole life with being able to hang on to money because she equates having ‘things’ with happiness. Feeling sad? Buy an expensive perfume when you’ve already got 200 slowly going rancid.

[@jordannapier9337]

1. We have different handbags and purses for different occasions. 2. Think about when and where Anfisa grew up. Following the collapse of the Soviet Union, in post Soviet states like Russia society literally broke down for a time. Poverty and instability were rampant. To have money was to have security and respect. Furthermore, it's a very sexist society where men are expected to be the breadwinners and competition between women for wealthy men (e.g. stability and security) is high, pushing these women to always look their best oftentimes with surgical assistance. Women there are taught that their value is in their appearance. Things have changed somewhat, but it's still a very prevalent mentality

[@kragary]

She could also have strong familial traumas around people disappearing suddenly, because so many people in Russia did disappear. Her grandmother might have lived through those times, and her grandmother's parents certainly did. Even these days people can be hauled away by police without warning and not all of them come back. I'm thinking of her extreme reaction when he "disappeared" from the garage.

[@samirasingh3193]

Why don’t they ask Jorge 10 thousand times if he would leave her if she gained 150 pounds???? They only focus on her when they both clearly have an expectation of the other one , she looks a certain way and he has $$ - I think it’s shallow but our society tells people this is the way to be in a million ways and then when people behave like society has told them to people are shocked - I don’t get it

[@katella]

Good point

[@Ghastlyteaparty]

Try 30 lbs and he's gone

[@andedom]

Dr H: Why do you need several handbags? My wife: You have chosen violence 😂😂. Jk

[@hadizamohammed]

Dr Honda, would looove a Matt and Alla series. I dont want to give spoilers but their social media now is quite something

[@chrissmithz314]

5:17 I'm with ya about the handbags thing haha, but I'm guessing it's because we're looking at it from a more functional standpoint, and not looking at the bag as a fashion accessory. Kinda like how some people might have 20 pairs of shoes for style differences, and less for functional differences. I have a few pairs of shoes, but it's because they're running shoes, hiking boots, insulated snowblow/shovel the driveway boots, etc.

[@clairecalderon5456]

Anfisa probably doesn't "believe" in real love anymore. I'm guessing she grew cold because everyone or enough people she loved either hurt or left her so she thinks everyone will. That would explain the tough exterior or attitude, the "im gonna get you before you have a chance to get me" abuse style. I see someone hurting and scared that the only way someone will keep her is if shes in an arrangement. It doesn't excuse the behavior but I've known women who just gave up at some point and settled for "money".

[@lavinder11]

I think a lot of people say that because a man wants an attractive woman, he should put up with any abuse because he dared to be "superficial." What I find funny about that thought is its never said to women who are abused by attractive men. It's ridiculous tbqh but there is a gender bias when it comes to abuse.

[@legzfalloffgirl5148]

Every male friend I've ever had has been In an abusive relationship. Everything from verbal abuse to flat out rape. I've had to walk them through how if the Same behavior was done to me- a 5foot girl- everyone would recognize it as abusive, no question

[@koobie83]

You are right. It’s the whole ‘well, what did you expect getting involved with her? She’s clearly very superficial’

[@johanneazcuy9997]

Agreed. Even if he lied about his financial status he doesn't deserve to be abused. I'm surprised so many people defend anfisa. Gender bias at its finest.

[@dinimedia3710]

In the Russian culture successful woman is the one that gets a rich man, there are exceptions, but the way they are raised is to get a rich man. So they don't even question why, that's the standard goal.

[@Ag69553]

I was not prepared for the inclusion of the Nicole and Azan clip 😭💀

[@koobie83]

I hope he’s going to review the latest from Angela. She really has hit rock bottom.

[@johanneazcuy9997]

She also hit Michael. Lol

[@tulip5210]

0:33 your not alone, I have had friends in childhood like anfisa so I see through the walls. So I see it too.

[@MyEyebrowsAreMyEnemy]

They're just playing chicken with each other, he will leave, oh, I'll leave... Oh, no, I'll leave... And yet, no one is leaving 🤔🤔

[@abubarrie88]

lol Doctor Honda is trying his best to keep his rose colored glasses on for anfisa. she flat out said she's with Jorge mostly for his money and he is still struggling to accept her own words to that fact and is willing to go as far as saying who knows how well she (Anfisa) really knows herself. In the words of maya angelou once someone shows you who they are believe them, and shes shown herself to be who she is several times. and this isnt to say jorge is perfect hes not but come on lol

[@greenleaves8980]

Let also be inclusive of trauma can play a role. I.e teenager saying and acting like they’re tough, don’t care what other think, don’t need anybody and constantly say they’re the best. So yeah she can say what she meant but I also think there is fabricated storyline encouraged and the possibility of extreme fear of being seen as vulnerable that can play a role in this reality tv show.

[@amberwilliams8240]

I'm in a much better mental space when I don't have money issues as well. Fighting when there's money issues is common in relationships. That doesn't make her a gold digger.

[@SheLovesFubu]

She can’t get a job until she has a green card. I understand her flipping out over being brought here because of the promises he made and then completely depending on a liar for everything.

[@simonesaidy]

Please do the psychology of Jussie Smollet.

[@Meesh011]

It sounds like your conceptualization about her relationship to gifts would hold true for these abusive periods? As soon as he is unable to provide a steady stream of gifts she isn’t able to feel or receive his love, gets triggered, gets violent?

[@colombi1anjay]

I would love Dr. Kirk to do a video game reaction, like Silent Hill 2

[@greenrainbow4980]

Why do you need several handbags 👜 😂😂😂😂

[@AnalessaPenton]

Thank u for not shaming people who have had the "money/gifts = love", from a father figure. Sometimes that's how it is. My dad while he can be sensitive is still a very stoic man. There are other probably more productive ways to show love, yes, I don't disagree with that. But, this is one of many ways I was shown love from him. Whether it's healthy or not it shaped a big part of my personality and I'm trying to be as self aware of it as I grow into who I am. It's nothing to be ashamed of but definitely being self aware without the shame helps more than u know. Thank u for starting the discussions you do. ❤️

[@HealthyFitFree]

Remember when Chantel and Pedro weren't a toxic couple?

[@GrandmaRetiredHappy]

I suggest her get a job and be responsible for her own needs instead of demanding Jihoon.

[@mistym0rning]

I just wanna put it out there that not all women are into bags or have a ton of them. 😂 I have 3, and that’s only because they’re different sizes for different needs.

[@sarlut]

IKR🤣🤣🤣👏🏽

[@needva5512]

She still married him because she doesn’t want to go back & she wanted the resident card

[@sf4010]

Also when the cameras go off....she's still abusive. Which again especially when she has been put on notice Jorge doesn't like the abuse her supposed love means nothing. Also the money and gifts equals love dynamic is heavily a part of the American culture in many areas including Washington State.

[@dandychestnut3493]

I see it too.

[@thapoppyman]

Hey genius, when he went to jail (trying to get alot of money for her)and couldn't give her money she left him.

[@N1kkii]

It wasn't for her. He was selling weed for a long time, it's how he made money. Not for her lol

[@meowmeowmeowbarf]

First! :)

[@jalm6868]

This did not trigger me.

[@doopclann3428]

I didn't get the vax

[@vspurchase]

"Hey Lazy" 🙋🏾‍♂️@PsychologyInSeattle

[@SpiritualAttitudeSage]

I think she's lying about leaving him as a borderline abusive way of "motivating" him 🥲