Abusive Relationships #1

[@shellsncheese9934]

Idk if Dr. Honda will ever know how many people he is helping with this KZbin channel alone! Such a loving way to spend his time, thank you 😌

[@hope.0oo]

0:48 Q1- How is abuse defined? 1:50 Child abuse (law) 7:49 Domestic violence (law) 15:50 Domestic abuse (psychology) 22:29 Abuse wheel 22:50 coercion 23:34 intimidation 28:00 why victims stay scenario 34:00 why abusers abuse 41:02 why victims stay cont. 49:00 abuse wheel cont. 48:55 emotional abuse 49:20 isolation 49:33 minimize/ deny/ blame 49:37 using children 49:53 gender of abuser 51:34 using male privilege/ gender 53:59 using economic abuse 54:22 statistics on % of people abused 55:31 subtle abusive relationship 1:01:24 victim in constant state of managing abusers mood/ survival 1:07:58 Q2- is it abusive to not agree with another’s POV? 1:10:09 Q3- sexual abuse 1:12:03 Q4- power in relationship & coercion 1:16:17 Q5- children and abuse cycle 1:22:35 Q6- signs of abuse 1:26:47 Q7- why do some of the abused become the abuser? 1:34:42 Q8- why do some of the abused not become the abuser? 1:38:56 final word

[@helenah9192]

Thank you😍😊

[@kmonkey8874]

bump

[@hope.0oo]

1:02:44 cat purr 😺

[@Tiger-Lilly]

Bless your heart Hope A! 🥰

[@NotAMuse]

I wish I could like this an infinite amount, thank you so much for making these time stamps!

[@mirellehop]

"We end the cycle of abuse by creating a cycle of recovery."

[@carlotta3751]

when you said how people in abusive relationships don't have time or energy to think about what they want or who they are, that struck a nerve. I remember that feeling of not knowing who I even am after an emotionally abusive relationship. I never thought that others could relate.

[@MissusAlex]

I wish I knew all of this when I was 20-22. I wish we were taught what to look out for in health class or something. In my experience, I had no idea what I was going thru until years after. Thank you dr.Kirk, we appreciate you! Keep up the good work 😊

[@therabbithat]

right. things we need in school: - how to recognize abuse, coercion, undue influence - more play in every subject and as a stand alone subject - fun programming introduction - proper nutrition classes - critical thinking - therapy dogs things we don't need - homework in grade-school (no evidence it improves anything) - mandatory advanced mathematics (instead have less maths but cover all the practical maths e.g. taxes) - irregular verbs (we can learn a language in 2 years by playing and having fun or learn it in 30 years by memorizing lists of verbs... 30 years it is!) - identical goals for all students in a grade - angry teachers

[@artisticagi]

@@therabbithat amazing love it. Let’s found a school with these ideals. Also op I agree I am very grateful for a good friend who said straight up: that’s abusive. And then a lightbulb went off in my head and it finally connected

[@dannym6552]

@Alex, most prob don’t know either - it’s worst for people who try to see the best in others. 🌹

[@Mel-S.99]

The example with the subtle emotional abuse was so similar to my previous marriage it was scary. It took me a long time to see what my ex had done to my mind and emotions and I'm working through it with my current husband. There have been times that I've made a mistake (like leaving a drink in his brand new truck in the middle of winter to have it freeze and explode) and he's laughed or started helping me fix whatever i did and i start crying because I was so prepared for a bad reaction and I don't know how to handle my relief.

[@dannym6552]

@Mel glad you found a better match for you 🌹

[@kairu5607]

Heavy topic but necessary. Thank you.

[@elixxirusso]

I just left a two year abusive relationship and am currently working with a therapist to heal. Listening to your channel every night before bed has helped me in the greatest ways, thank you for keeping me in track to staying mentally healthy and continue to learn from my own codependency tendencies

[@dannym6552]

@ you go girl 🌹

[@canijustsleep07]

As someone who went through an abusive relationship I did not fully understand what I had gone through until pretty recently due to the lack of social awareness and conversations we are having now.

[@tanya4691]

I, my siblings and mom were all abused regularly. In my mind it was kids with cigarette burns, the abuser would often say i did not know how good i had it, that kids were hurt much more than we were. actually realize it was me too until i was about 13 and i overheard my aunt telling my grandma that we were being abused. Ii was a revelation! I was astonished and it really started me thinking with a clear mind how i had been being treated and i started telling anyone who would listen that i was being abused because i all of a sudden really decided i was not going to keep his secrets, they were his shame not mine. I think its really important that its named for kids so they know that what is happening is not their fault and they don’t deserve to be treated that way. It changed my life.

[@dannym6552]

@Kate: that seems to be a common trend 🧐

[@kmonkey8874]

i certainly appreciate the difference between having abusive patterns and having problems with emotional regulation/anger management

[@aussiej]

Dr H, the way you described the insidious way the abuse and violence escalates over time is exactly what happened to me. I haven't heard it spelt out by a clinician so well. I was lucky to escape with myself and my children alive - and I had been a young person that had not understood why don't they just leave.

[@CraftystuffbyStacey]

I always found the assumption that if you grew up in an abusive household you will either abuse or be abused. I have 7 siblings. While that is true for 5 of us, 2 of us have neither abused nor been abused as adults. The last one had one abusive relationship. She left and made changes. I've thought about it a lot. I don't know what made us different. To me, it was clear no person should treat another one like that. As a child, I often said, 'When I grow up, I'm never doing this to anyone.' The one sibling that shares no abuse beyond 18 and I would actually talk out how we would handle our lives differently, even as kids. A few years back I heard the saying, "It ran in my family until it ran into me." I love that. I lived that. Alcohol and drug abuse ran in my family. It stopped with me. I never had that problem nor have my children. I suspect my grandkids won't either. Teen pregnancy. I was the first, even counting cousins, not to get pregnant in my teens. I was in my 20s. My oldest daughter was almost 30 when she had her first. My youngest daughter is just in her early 30s now and has never been pregnant. Being physically and mentally abusive with my children. Those are all things that ran in my family until they ran into me. In the interest of total honesty, as an adult, the first time I went to counseling/therapy was in my early 20s and it has been off and on ever since. Each time, I took big leaps in growth. 2020 was overwhelming for me and I went back to therapy. I'm still dealing with childhood traumas that were triggered again with all the tensions of 2020. I've always had times of pure joy, appreciated even small acts of kindness, and known that tomorrow is an opportunity to have a better day, enjoy an adventure, or do something I never thought I would. And, I've always understood that the lessons I learned as a child taught me something. Sometimes that something was what NOT to do. That's a valuable lesson too.

[@adriennebenson390]

It sounds like the support you and your siblings gave each other made the difference. :) My sister and I are the same.

[@Star-dj1kw]

Good for you 😘

[@BrigadeOfOctopi]

I haven’t finished this episode yet but this is really triggering to me because I recently got out of an abusive relationship, but it wasn’t physically abusive. It’s really frustrating to me that I was verbally and emotionally abused for years by someone who refuses to acknowledge what they did to me, and in fact tries to act like a victim themselves. I think a lot of perpetrators of abuse are this way, and maybe that’s even a form of abuse itself. Lots of gaslighting and minimizing of their partners’ feelings and concerns.

[@rachaelesque3]

I relate. Currently in this relationship with a one year old daughter. Sometimes I wish he would just hit me so people would understand and agree that it IS abuse.

[@BrigadeOfOctopi]

@@rachaelesque3 Sorry to hear you’re going through this too. Just know that you don’t have to stay just because you have a daughter. I don’t have kids but I did buy a house with my ex, and I stayed for a long time because it seemed too hard to figure that out. My therapist told me that it doesn’t have to trap me, and I think it’s important that you know that too. I’m still dealing with that but it’s so worth it to feel happy again. Wishing you the best 💕

[@rachaelesque3]

@@BrigadeOfOctopi thank you so much for your kind comment. We also own a house together and I’m beyond intimidated as to where to begin becoming less enmeshed. He has taken me off of his healthcare and I’m a stay at home mom right now but I can’t wait to start therapy when I’m able. I’ll figure it all out soon. I have to. Proud of you for getting out. ♥️

[@goosebump801]

@@rachaelesque3 I can relate to your story as well, coming from a family with multiple generations of abusers and victims/survivors. The abuse manifested in different forms in each generation, but the pattern is clear once you take a step back. If you haven’t already, consider calling the domestic violence hotline. They won’t push you to do anything you’re not ready to do, but they can offer suggestions on how to navigate and how best to protect your child while you’re still there. They may have suggestions about health coverage as well. If and when you decide you want to leave, they can help you plan ahead. Knowing how to exit safely, where to go, etc. can make all the difference. Best wishes to you and your daughter 💐❤️

[@rachaelesque3]

@@goosebump801 thank you so very much. So validating I could cry. I have spoken to my county’s DV unit and I froze to do anything further. It’s overwhelming but I do know that this can not continue. Time for some action. I appreciate you both! ♥️

[@twopurringcats]

I am the grown only child of two narcissists. Mom is diagnosed NPD and high level. Dad is covert and won't let himself get diagnosed. He's equally angry and cruel. I was told at 12 that my parents weren't healthy and that I needed to educate myself about abuse, stay in therapy and be as independent as possible. I was taken from our hone at 16 for my safety and never lived with them again. I had to grow up very fast and sought out therapy at clinics as I struggled to survive after my vindictive mother made dad withdraw payment for college because I was doing well. I got my education on my own through the years. I ended up with C-PTSD and have anxiety but still force myself to work hard to overcome these things and cope. My parents were critical, mom especially was hostile, aggressive and constantly targeted me. I was the scapegoat. Dad was on my side but too weak to stand up to her. She forbid him from helping me but he still did behind her back sometimes. Eventually she forced him to hate me. I learned boundaries and wouldn't let her control me. She hated me more. I kept working on my career and staying in therapy. DBT therapy helped me learn to control my emotions. As time went on, my business thrived and I got stronger. I couldn't handle love relationships because I chose abusive men over and over so I stopped dating years ago. It feels better and I'm ok with it. I concentrate on my business and on healing. I moved to the country for a quieter life. I no longer call or visit my elderly parents because they are extremely toxic and it effected my health. I love the peace and quiet. Something I never had in my family. It took awhile but I learned what works best for me, given my sensitivities and scars. I was never a pushover. Old narcissists are miserable, insecure and manipulative. My therapists always told me to let go and now I understand why. I wanted them to change and to keep my family together but truth is they aren't capable of loving. It's all about control, domination and using people. Love wasn't enough. I'm ok. Despite it all..life goes on. I have no family but I have some friends and my therapist, and they're family to me.

[@dianajackson7241]

Thank you for this podcast. My abuser never admitted he was abusive. Everything he did towards me he justified it and it was somehow my fault. Unfortunately, he won’t be getting DV counseling because after multiple probation violations, he was finally just given 2 months jail time. So he will still continue on believing he’s the victim and I overreacted and ruined his life.

[@Star-dj1kw]

I am so sorry. I hope you you start you but I know it’s very difficult especially if you have kids and finances tied up with him.

[@Resurrectionlilies]

I am 9 years out of an abusive relationship and ever since he messages me under fake names or with fake emails threatening me and calling me a “liar” about the abuse. It sucks and triggers me but I can’t help but find it funny that a person decides to “defend themselves against allegations of abuse” by doubling down on their abusive behaviors. I never reported him to anyone or told anyone he knew about every thing he did to me either. I just told my family and friends and my private corner of my anonymous journaling app. It is just wild to me that years later he still tries to control me.

[@waitz001]

the loaded guns around the house is a very interesting point because i dated a man that had loaded guns all around the house and felt quasi-uncomfortable with it. his family seemed to think me a "snowflake"; but it IS, for real, a little disturbing because there IS a paranoia present for someone to arm their home like that.

[@sarachristine1035]

I feel like this is exactly what I need to hear in my life, but I haven't listened to it yet. I am feeling so down these past few days so I am going to wait until things brighten up a bit and I can give it my full attention. I am already so grateful for it, I can't wait.

[@dannym6552]

@Sara lots and hugs and love tour way comes 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😋🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😉☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓😜😜😜😜😜😜🤨🤨🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪😅😅😅😅😅🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤓😝😝😝😍

[@dannym6552]

I meant to say: lots of love and hugs your way comes 😛

[@subliminalstealthhh]

Damn just got out of a 4 year abusive relationship, finally somehow I came out on top better than ever, but damn my phone literally glitched and put me on this video, seeing it was uploaded 20mins ago. Crazy

[@Indigo00eyez]

Leaving my 5 year dating relationship (in 1990 when I was 22) was the hardest thing I ever did. I had to put physical distance between us. He was supposed to get help. He didn’t. He said his mother told him that if he hit me, he must not really love me. Yep. I never went back.

[@shanaadams4456]

It's really helpful to listen to you while I'm going through an abusive cycle with my ex. I'm in therapy for it, but it's nice to hear someone exain exactly what's going on for me. I can't really explain it to my friends and family.

[@terransage8857]

Oh holy crap. The section on subtle abusive relationships/stories/managing the abuser’s emotions is so validating

[@terransage8857]

I even tried to describe this to him cause I thought he wouldn’t actually want to hurt me and so I tried to address this in a way that works in equitable relationships- to share my feelings. “I’ve been in survival mode for the last six months” “well we must have different definitions of survival mode.” Always deny, minimize, blame shift.

[@aleksandra8054]

I can relate so much when Dr. Honda talks about that third profile of abused people who are trying to break a cycle of abuse. Me and my partner were both abused As a Child by our parents, and we talked with each other for hours about it. It really helpd me, beeing able to do that whenever I had bad memory or a sad moment. Finding someone to talked to , a person who will understand is a true gift in life.

[@josieli9768]

My experience in learning bad behaviour modelled by parents versus rejecting it to grow up “just fine”: i learned a bad “normal” because everyone else including other adults modelled acceptance. It was obviously wrong, but everyone tolerated it and nobody explicitly told me that this is bad. On the other hand, there was hoarding behaviour that was modelled, but others in the family modelled rejection and punished that behaviour. I understood that cleaning was the path to be loved and being messy was the path to be unloved. So, I unconsciously learned one thing, and rejected the other thing. I grew up to be a clean person and a survivor of DV. Of course there are many nuances that haven’t thought through, but it is clear to me that the RESPONSE modelled to the child by the victim and other adults makes a big difference too.

[@rachaelesque3]

Thank you so much for doing these! Your closing words brought me to tears. You are so valued and appreciated, Dr. Honda. Thank you ♥️

[@ktz5047]

Thank you for taking the time to educate us on this topic.

[@solvjans5988]

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer all of these questions! About the question "why do people don't just leave abusive relationships?" I think another big factor is the manipulation. Some abusers are so good at manipulating that the victim thinks everything that is done to them it THEIR fault. My ex coerced me into sex. While I was in that relationship, I thought that I'm at fault, I'm a bad girlfriend for not giving him what he wants. Also you brought up the example of an abuser threatening to kill themselves. There is also a factor of making the victim feel guilty here I think, like "I'm gonna kill myself and it will be YOUR fault!"

[@halimameyero5505]

The timing of this video is so necessary

[@artisticagi]

1:10:53 the person gets mad and makes threats when you say you’re not in the mood for it

[@rachaelesque3]

Threats like “they will get it from someone else”? Because same.

[@claudialuna9216]

I didn’t realize how much I would related to each of these. Every example mentioned happened, either from my mom or my dad. I had not noticed how abusive it is. Maybe this is why I can’t see myself getting into a relationship. I find people overwhelming to deal with and have just distanced myself from basically everyone. I cope with my pets and writing poetry.

[@jessicajuareza]

This was very helpful and informative. My ex husband was verbally abusive, and from his behavior with it I think he was a narcissist. I was able to leave him after 6 years of being with him and I'm in therapy. But there's so much healing I still need to go through from that trauma. It's really hard and this podcast really helps. I'm looking forward to the next ones!

[@jessicamai7783]

Funny enough - my grandfather tried to control the squirrels in the neighborhood 😂 He had a cage & would catch them & then take them to the park. My grandmom would sneak & let the squirrels out. My grandfather would have a fit if he caught her, (it did not control the squirrel population in the neighborhood)

[@Star-dj1kw]

😂😂

[@ThePhantomQueen87]

I am going thru this so my non verbal autistic 3 yr old was removed after cps investigation was done and closed my son was taken by a judge 800 miles from where we had moved i worked so hard to get us safe. No one positively identified this man before giving my son to him not the court not the cops no one asked him for i.d

[@merlebrown7664]

Oh no!

[@jessicamai7783]

I’m listening to this in sections. One other reason about the suicide angle is we think it would be our fault. My situation is with my parents, so it might be different, but everything was ‘my fault.’ So my dad would threaten suicide - I feel guilty that he feels that way & it’s my fault. Then my mom would say it’s my fault, make me feel guilty that ‘I caused this’ ’ & then how I roomed everyone else’s life in the family. (Example- my nephew won’t have a grandfather)

[@Tiger-Lilly]

Thats heavy! I am in a relationship 20 years for that reason. Can't imagine having that from my parents. I am so sorry 💜💜

[@Star-dj1kw]

Their mental illness is not your fault!! Not at all! I am so sorry 😢

[@SabrinaEickhoffingly]

Thank you Dr. Honda for bringing your voice of reason to such a chaotic and seemingly shape shifting subject. I would love it if you would consider doing a podcast on the topic of “coercive control“… this topic seems to be lacking a clear definition (and the consequences that could go along with it) in the Pacific Northwest and without such, abusers are rather like escape artists like Houdini, “ catch me if you can!”. (Thankfully, I am not talking about my wonderful husband of 38 years!) Anyway, I would certainly tune in on that topic!

[@roryrichards5054]

I'm glad that you touch on that very important topic.

[@frickfrack6454]

thanks for this upload. will listen when I'm in a different headspace and am able to handle it

[@AloraCanRead]

I would be interested in learning about abusive work relationships

[@colleenschaffer1889]

Me too.

[@dannym6552]

@Alora when things seems weird, and too incessantly stressful - could be a clue

[@dannym6552]

Unnecessarily*

[@tinatots4801]

Wow, I appreciate you spending time to bring these answers for everyone listening. I relate and received answers to many of my questions... You also have a good sense of humor. The cat purring was funny 🤣. Thank you!

[@annajoy3323]

I was like “oh god, thank you” when you mentioned the lecturer and that abusive relationship. Because validation about what my mom and brother and I went through. That was my dad. Lol. I don’t see him as narcissistic though, not that I have the credentials to make such a determination.

[@nottoday4972]

Wow... didn’t know that if someone throws a chair at the wall around you was abuse.

[@Star-dj1kw]

Yes, that’s physical intimation 😢

[@scmommy4539]

Thank you so much for this episode! I hope that everyone w/PIS knows how much this podcast helps people gain insight & compassion for positive change! The validation at the end of this episode can be incredibly healing! ❤To All!

[@spencydavila5123]

Thank you Dr. Honda !!

[@helenah9192]

Final word made me tear up a bit

[@doreenplischke7645]

The courts do not understand one thing about NPD, neither do most therapists, sadly. Unfortunately most anyone who has not been trough it is able to ‘get it’…these characters are extremely hard to point out to anyone because only behind doors do they uncover their true pathology. It can take a very long time before one can see it through for oneself. And it adds up to patterns. Mind boggle and mental gymnastics to heal from such a RS, let alone growing up with parents who are personality disordered. I am grateful and endlessly thankful that I got out. Even tho it ain’t over ever if one has children with this type of person. Best way to try to heal and recover is N/C. ( or the least contact possible) and making sure to thrive living a peaceful and content life primarily oriented toward authenticity and self respect.

[@tundeterez]

It's difficult to have self respect after that kind of relationship.

[@tanya4691]

My son is seeing someone he works with, they are in love. She is 18 and he 20. They see each other at work, they only started kissing about a month ago standing out in front of our house after work. Her stepdad tracks her phone and saw that she is at our house for 45 minutes or so after work. The stepdad has told her that she cannot see him anymore, (they have never met him). He is a good, calm, sweet, loving person, he works 50 hours a week and comes home, not a partier just a really great person. She has told my son by text that he abuses her physically and psychologically. I told my son to dress up go over and talk to the parents. He told me that the step-father has told my sons girlfriend that if she does not stop seeing him that he is going to put a bullet in my sons brain and that he has guns is an alcoholic and can be violent and wouldn’t put it past him. He is now making her quit her job so they cannot see each other at all. We first of all have offered her safe haven at any time and that she can move into her own space in our house, not with my son because she is not ready for that intimacy yet. She would be leaving her mom and younger siblings and is scared to do that. She is also scared of him getting to her. I would like my son to get a restraining order for our home and his job. However, that would then put her at risk because he would know she told my son what he said. I immediately did a background check on this man and he has had restraining orders on him and also domestic assault on his pregnant wife. He is not to own guns but he does. We have purchased a security system for our house now and we are going to buy a gun for protection. I had a chance to talk with her and she said she is scared of him because he has hurt her and members of her household and can be very unpredictable. I did talk to a police officer and he did take down names and information and said a case could be made for a terroristic threatening charge but my son is worried about the safety of his girlfriend, because they often get bailed out. I fear for the safety of my household and for her. I need help to sort this.

[@haley468]

Love you Dr. Honda! Just became a Patreon!

[@lorip9600]

Very moving video, Dr. Honda. It touched me to my very core. Yes, I went through considerable emotional and verbal abuse. You helped me understand a lot of things on a deeper level. I always understood that he was a miserable human being (he does have some good qualities) but I wanted to support him and stay with him because he was and is a very insecure person. Probably has NPD as well. Heartfelt thanks. After much heartache, I am now healing from the demise of my 29 year marriage. Hugs.

[@kmonkey8874]

there should be so much more about intimate partner/domestic violence. but maybe i am biased because i have so much experience with it with family/partners

[@ejhanson2911]

A+ for happy cat purrs

[@lizliz4186]

Thank you Dr Honda! could you talk to how a victim might start to "abuse back". It seems in many abusive relationships there's at least mild abuse that goes both ways, like sarcasm and insults to one another when hurt, or throwing things at a wall when angry or withholding sex. In many cases the victim is doing it to "fight back" and they justify that behaviour while ignoring it's abusive on return. It seems after starting to become aware one is a victim of abuse they create a scenario where the abuser is then "walking in eggshells" or the victim then starts to control the abuser. Thanks for your work! ❤️

[@nytheprincess]

This would be interesting to explore. I definitely did some of this...like my thought process was well, if you treat me this way then why shouldn't I treat you the same?

[@ghostfrequencies]

withholding sex is not abuse. no one owes anybody sex ever, even in a relationship or marriage.

[@guayapizza2314]

Very interested your channel. I am new here..I have live in Seattle many many years ago,.great state, great neighborhood, great people, great friends.I miss my summer time in Seatle , great weather in summer time..

[@carolinaalonso6808]

Do you have or do you plan on addressing how two victims of abusive relationships can work with each other (since they are in a partnership) to not repeat behaviors from previous relationships (get rid of the survival state for both)?

[@LydiaR418]

Thank you!!!

[@Peem_pom]

This is really gold

[@Star-dj1kw]

1:12:03 Dr Honda’s answer here is very good 👍🏼

[@maryblue75]

Lovely informative video..... thank you!

[@nola1439]

I’ve had someone who claims to be “a domestic violence researcher” tell me “research shows abuse cannot be fixed with therapy” and I personally don’t know exactly what research they’re specifically referring to, nor the type of abuse, but it seems like it’s totally possible for people to become less abusive with therapy if they desire it, want to heal, pursue it. I just don’t know how to respond to this person. They also said that it’s abuse apologia to think abusive people can become not abusive, and that it’s suggesting that abusers lack autonomy. I’m not sure if they are licensed psychologist or doctor or what, they just claim to be a domestic violence researcher.

[@tundeterez]

I think they are saying most people don't change, instead just manage there behavior if given incentive.

[@asieta21]

I have a question. So... I have this type of behavior when I'm stressed it says run or fight. So when I have a fight with my husband I'm always trying to run away to calm down. But he doesn't want me to do it. He blocks my way on hallway, following me outside or trying to open to door I've locked with a knife or other tool. He doesn't understand I need some time alone to calm down and be able to talk. So when he does those kind of things I feel push through the edge and I start to yell and sometimes I even throw things at him (like clothes or something not heavy or hurtful like that). He claims he is the victim of abuse and I started to think that maybe I'm really abusive. But on the other hand I feel like he doesn't respect my boundaries. I don't want to act like that but I feel like a wild animal in a cage who doesn't have a choice and has to fight... Oh and btw I'm 40 years old and have been in other relationships before and I was never acting like that

[@MoonWomanStudios]

"if you leave me, I'm going to become a vigilante"

[@tinagarcia4117]

Thankyou so much

[@tulip5210]

18:30 my friend was coming from a justified place, but it went too far on things that it was uncalled for to the point it was borderline abusive. So like her pain was justified but it was 10/10 on little things or things that don't deserve to be 10/10

[@adriennebenson390]

Love the cat purr!

[@sarahcouture24]

Hmm… my mom should have gotten charged with interfering with reporting of domestic violence when she tried to prevent me from calling the cops on my dad when he assaulted me then… 🤔

[@Janopooh]

"You lost me"...Walks out

[@elisavalentina507]

What if you love the abuser? Is there any hope you can continue together and help the person change? If they recognize they have a problem of course.

[@tundeterez]

No hope, sorry.

[@Star-dj1kw]

I know a man who is verbally domineering to his wife and children. He is misogynistic and arrogant. He is probably somewhere on the narcissistic or borderline spectrum. His wife says he blames their problems on her and he’ll only admit to losing his blowing his top “taking all her crap” 😢. Her crap can translate to an actual problem or just being a human like throwing away an old item or having a different opinion or changing the thermostat. She’s treated like a small child. She has anxiety and depression.

[@tundeterez]

That is so sad😢

[@merlebrown7664]

Talk to someone. In fact, I will recommend a psychic because the authorities are basically powerless against these abusive and narcissistic men.

[@clark.mellarke]

Ok but like, if abusers aren't psychopaths then how can they live with the hurt they're causing their partner? Doesn't that still equate to a lack of empathy?

[@markothecomic]

RCW 9A.36.041 Assault in the fourth degree. (Effective until July 1, 2022.) (1) A person is guilty of assault in the fourth degree if, under circumstances not amounting to assault in the first, second, or third degree, or custodial assault, he or she assaults another. (2) Assault in the fourth degree is a gross misdemeanor, except as provided in subsection (3) of this section. (3)(a) Assault in the fourth degree occurring after July 23, 2017, and before March 18, 2020, where domestic violence is pleaded and proven, is a class C felony if the person has two or more prior adult convictions within ten years for any of the following offenses occurring after July 23, 2017, where domestic violence was pleaded and proven: (i) Repetitive domestic violence offense as defined in RCW 9.94A.030; (ii) Crime of harassment as defined by RCW 9A.46.060; (iii) Assault in the third degree; (iv) Assault in the second degree; (v) Assault in the first degree; or (vi) A municipal, tribal, federal, or out-of-state offense comparable to any offense under (a)(i) through (v) of this subsection. For purposes of this subsection (3)(a), "family or household members" for purposes of the definition of "domestic violence" means spouses, domestic partners, former spouses, former domestic partners, persons who have a child in common regardless of whether they have been married or have lived together at any time, persons sixteen years of age or older who are presently residing together or who have resided together in the past and who have or have had a dating relationship, and persons sixteen years of age or older with whom a person sixteen years of age or older has or has had a dating relationship. "Family or household member" also includes an "intimate partner" as defined in RCW 26.50.010. (b) Assault in the fourth degree occurring on or after March 18, 2020, where domestic violence against an "intimate partner" as defined in RCW 26.50.010 is pleaded and proven, is a class C felony if the person has two or more prior adult convictions within ten years for any of the following offenses occurring after July 23, 2017, where domestic violence against an "intimate partner" as defined in RCW 26.50.010 or domestic violence against a "family or household member" as defined in (a) of this subsection was pleaded and proven: (i) Repetitive domestic violence offense as defined in RCW 9.94A.030; (ii) Crime of harassment as defined by RCW 9A.46.060; (iii) Assault in the third degree; (iv) Assault in the second degree; (v) Assault in the first degree; or (vi) A municipal, tribal, federal, or out-of-state offense comparable to any offense under (b)(i) through (v) of this subsection. . . . (42) "Repetitive domestic violence offense" means any: (a)(i) Domestic violence assault that is not a felony offense under RCW 9A.36.041; (ii) Domestic violence violation of a no-contact order under chapter 10.99 RCW that is not a felony offense; (iii) Domestic violence violation of a protection order under chapter 26.09, 26.26A, 26.26B, or 26.50 RCW that is not a felony offense; (iv) Domestic violence harassment offense under RCW 9A.46.020 that is not a felony offense; or (v) Domestic violence stalking offense under RCW 9A.46.110 that is not a felony offense; or (b) Any federal, out-of-state, tribal court, military, county, or municipal conviction for an offense that under the laws of this state would be classified as a repetitive domestic violence offense under (a) of this subsection. . . . (1) A person is guilty of harassment if: (a) Without lawful authority, the person knowingly threatens: (i) To cause bodily injury immediately or in the future to the person threatened or to any other person; or (ii) To cause physical damage to the property of a person other than the actor; or (iii) To subject the person threatened or any other person to physical confinement or restraint; or (iv) Maliciously to do any other act which is intended to substantially harm the person threatened or another with respect to his or her physical or mental health or safety; and (b) The person by words or conduct places the person threatened in reasonable fear that the threat will be carried out. "Words or conduct" includes, in addition to any other form of communication or conduct, the sending of an electronic communication.

[@annajoy3323]

Also, more purrrrrrr

[@Taquito_666]

1:02:47 ya welcome

[@meltemfahliogullari]

🙏🏼

[@xerces27]

First lol

[@elixxirusso]

Serious topic here and this is the first comment 😶

[@elixxirusso]

@Dont Eat Crayons lmao 💀

[@therabbithat]

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU M R! Don't worry about the haters, haters going to hate. You keep on keeping on and when you are first you shout it from the rooftops, ok? FIRST! My friend! First!