Narcissists use the silent treatment indoctrinate you!

[@c.rlewis5812]

I turned the tables on this one; I decided to embraced it! I simply just acted like she wasn’t there. It was wonderful when she got hurt when I didn’t make her dinner, make her morning coffee, go grocery shopping for both of us-just me. I prefer the silence over the smartass comments and digs. Know what felt even better? Divorce! 🎉

[@k.popper2620]

I called my son out - *FINALLY* called him out on his BS and I stood my ground and I haven't heard a peep from him in months. He has removed himself from my phone group list of "my babies" of my children. I don't care. Years and years of gaslighting, abuse, lies, making up stories that were absolutely NOT TRUE, absolute crazy-making behavior, putting me in impossible situations....I'm DONE with it! The silence is beautiful! The few days I'm really sad, I remember that I'm grieving for my little boy, not the man he turned out to be. Then I give it to God and move on. He will no longer have any of my life; he has taken too much of it as it is.

[@ANNMARIEMOBLEY]

Yes! It’s so cruel!! It’s so lonely 😢

[@095au]

A good trick here is replacing that word "lonely" with "peaceful."

[@sharicoburn5475]

It is absolutely cruel yes and so painful

[@sparklecanada0112]

It's worse than being alone really; If you're alone, you can feel lonely but not have that person around physically to taunt or trigger you with their presence. It feels twice as bad, seeing the tormentor while you are being to feel lonely and disconnected.😢

[@095au]

@sparklecanada0112 no contact

[@SarahSmiles4u]

I am now trying to utilize the "Silent" treatment back at the narcissistic. Its Christmas Eve and he hid my stocking. He put out his stocking, the dogs stocking but lost my stocking. He took an old, holey work sock and hung it up for me. When I i asked him where my stocking from my childhood,the one my Grandma had made it for me, he still hasn't answered me about "Why" " Wheres my beloved stocking" and "Why would you put a old, worn sock up as a replacement?" I haven't gotten an answer, not one. I got nothing, nada. God help me! I am stopping asking. I can't handle a passive aggressive response. I am now silent. I pray this is my last Christmas with this person.

[@hurricaneaquatics]

I'm right there with you with my wife. I'm not praying it's the last Christmas, I'm promising it's the last Christmas. Been on this hell for 29 years. No more.

[@BNyaB]

Ruuuun! 🏃

[@youngblood8540]

After the third day of the silent treatment, is one indication that they never loved in the first place.

[@dawn7733]

25 years into this sham of a marriage to a covert narcissist parasite of a man in my life. His silent treatment used to work in the beginning. Now I enjoy the silence. He hates how it doesn't affect me anymore. He drinks and then concocts other ways to try to get under my skin-- which also are ineffective because I know every move and gameplay he's going to make. 😈 .

[@duckdodgers2647]

Same here! 22 years of marriage & currently we're on about 10 months of silent treatment. I'm enjoying every moment of silence now. And yes, he's also trying to do other things to get a reaction out of me. Like ruining my hand towels that my best friend gave me for my birthday. He used them to clean up grease & who knows what else.

[@francesmartel7948]

@@dawn7733 same with me; I got to the point where I loved the 3 day silent treatments, because at least then he’d leave me the hell alone for a bit. It’s so awful when it gets to that point.

[@well_weathered]

He tries. Sleep is best when he isn't here. I set my alarm for him and sleep accordingly. He will wake me doing weird stuff. He told me I woke him, because I stirred. But he said you were 'disturbed'. I said you just 'pinged me' referring to a great video I came across by Jerry Wise. He looked at me and he dropped it, end of conversation!

[@soul_truth]

Thank you for posting this reply. Silent treatment is what I used against my narcissistic family. I am so happy I did this. I don’t have to deal with their anger and me trying to fix everything. They now text to wish me and my kids for major events and now I say Thank you, sending you and your family lots of love. My husband has blocked them and is so happy. I cannot bring myself to blocking them so I allow them to text me. Only one of them apologized and admitted to all things that was done to me. We are on light speaking terms but I keep my boundaries now. Silence is golden. Someone once said (Buddha?) if you don’t accept their gifts of anger, then it goes back to them.

[@Valerie-Blitz]

Oh my goodness, you don’t deserve that. Peace in your life is more important. I am currently going through a separation in my relationship and told him I no longer consider being together unless he gets help from a therapist; he agreed and he has gone twice already. I am doing the same but I have started 6 months ago. I feel that my peace is more important and I rather be alone than being in an unhealthy relationship. Be well.

[@francesmartel7948]

I remember the very first silent treatment-I dared to say something, just trying to make him feel better, about not “wallowing in his problems” and to be grateful for what he had-a good job, a beautiful home, etc. He got this really ANGRY look on his face , & wouldn’t speak for a LONG time. I just turned & watched TV, & wondered what the hell was going on. Finally after a long time , he said, “you know what you said a little while ago? About moving on & all that? Well, I don’t want to EVER hear that again.” WOW. 😮😮😮That should have been a clue into a future of silent treatments & rage towards me over stuff he REFUSED to stop playing the victim over. But I didn’t know what a malignant narcissist WAS then; the minute my brain registered “verbally abusive” is when I should have walked & not looked back, like his first 2 wives.

[@francesmartel7948]

@ I didn’t actually say the word “wallowing”, but was hinting at it. It was a really kind , “count the things to be grateful for” type of talk. But instead of just shutting it down, or agreeing to disagree, it ANGERED him, was my point. At the time I was young & didn’t know that I was with someone that was not only verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive, but someone that had the emotional maturity of a 6 year old boy. It was the start of a really awful relationship that lasted 18 years, until he died.

[@ktbiwk]

Also telling you what to say and do is never okay.

[@Boyhowdy875]

@@ktbiwk like she was telling him to stop feeling down?

[@terrymarshall6664]

Years of silent treatment - amazing!

[@Tarotlynx]

The silent treatment. I know it well. It did indeed work well to make me feel worse than a criminal for a long time. Then the person who most often used it on me to get her way told me that she used it because whenever someone offended her, they lose the right to exist until they make it right. My response from that moment on was to push past my feelings and enjoy not having to listen to the horrible things she'd normally say, taking her silent treatment as a break instead of an attack. When she figured that out, after a couple of times, the silent treatment stopped . . .

[@LipstickNsofrito]

Everyone..have a wonderful day..blessings and much love to you all ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤Merry Christmas!!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@well_weathered]

Merry Christmas 🎄 🕯

[@Valerie-Blitz]

Merry Christmas,🎄

[@spyder5280]

Merry Christmas 💚💚💚💚

[@cherrybacon3319]

Thank you.

[@Valerie-Blitz]

@@spyder5280 Merry Christmas 🎄

[@masquarra]

Finally had enough of my bully eldest sister and ignored her 2 week custom silent treatment. She finally ran back and stated, “I know you’re hurting. I know you miss me just admit.” Admit!” I smiled and stated I was quite alright

[@suzannewalek2885]

My mom was the master of silent treatment. She knew I would eventually need something from her, like something signed for school, and she would smirk when I would ask her, instead of responding. She relished being able to demonstrate how perfect and superior she was, by putting others below her. It took a long time to realize the lie behind her outward appearance of superiority. I feel sad for her now because I know she felt so inferior and unloveable that the only way she thought she could get her wants and needs met was by manipulating others to force them to make her feel important and loved.

[@costelloandlizzievolk2233]

The narcissistic in law in my family gave me the silent treatment when I said hello as I literally was standing right in front of her. I don’t know why. It was unnerving. She then continued to scapegoat me, verbally assault me and do a smear campaign against me to my family. So toxic and disgusting. Protecting my health and peace. Not playing their game nor taking the blame. Going DDEEP . Standing strong in the truth. 💪🏼 Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

[@chrisrourke1382]

So timely. Thank you.

[@kryssysmith1486]

I grew up in such a toxic environment where the silent treatment was a daily occurrence. Looking back, I remind myself: If they truly cared about me, they would have stayed in my life. That’s not the reality, though, and I no longer care about them. I’ve stopped chasing after people or worrying about their actions. They chose to cut me out, and that’s fine-done and dusted. Don’t get me wrong; in the past, it hurt when someone ignored me, but not anymore.

[@theresecote9276]

For 10 years now! I have learned to live with a ghost that pulls out a mask, when a third party or witness shows up . I don't even try to break this silent treatment anymore.

[@patrickbinford590]

Be empowered with the psychological tools available. The manifesting of abuse appearing in constant and SUPER diverse ways is truly amazing, not really from one's emotional vantage, but from the observing vantage. Be open to the mind-blowing discoveries, but NEVER minimize the emotional impacts of discovered internalized abuse. This is for the survivor, YOU.

[@sushmayen]

The silent treatment hurts more than all other forms of their behavior. At a point in life where we were just figuring them out. Now looking forward to silent treatment.

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

you think so?

[@well_weathered]

Because it's a 'punitive tool' as Dr Ramini says.

[@CelyneSCI]

I gave the narc i know the silent treatment as the way to just disengage. They did NOT like that! Of course, they find a way to make the whole situation my fault.

[@ivangeo3319]

You're spot on doctor. I have been indoctrinated by my mother on many things on life. Now, she conveniently hide herself behind dementia and she does many actions that opposite of her indoctrination wise words. I guess that's where my aversion of authority or power comes from. Obedient people want trust of truth. That what we learned from the power are true, that the power also use their own words that the power indoctrinated to others, in any stage if life, be it during clear mind or mental illness.

[@Romans_Twelve_Two]

I've used the silent treatment on the narc because I have no idea how to function around them. It's actually a huge source of supply for them. They know I'm hurt and can't function.

[@maggietrek69]

I did the same only we are different in that our MOTIVE is self preservation. Their motive is a manipulation to have power and control over us. Please don’t ever feel like you are the same in that regard.

[@suzannewalek2885]

Oh, you are so right about a narcissist getting supply from your freeze response. Anything that allows them to feel superior and powerful, gives them euphoric supply. Your freeze response isn't the same as using the silent treatment as a weapon, though. It is merely confirmation that you are being abused.

[@jessejackson838]

It's good because I grow away.

[@bethmccall9254]

I’ve been subjected to the silent treatment for more than half a year by my brother-WHILE we are sharing caregiving responsibilities for elderly parents. He literally won’t speak to me-EVEN about their care. It’s literally insane and logistically nearly impossible.

[@debbiejahnke8724]

Thanks Dr R. Happy holidays. I hope you have a peaceful narcissist free season. Or at least some spaces in between

[@carriejo155]

My late father used to use the analogy of a broken TV when warning us about our narcissistic mother with phrases like, " there's a picture but no sound today." She was forever in a huff about something and at nearly 80 years old is still the same!

[@devinjeffrey275]

Every damn day….

[@ForceVGeneral]

I use the silent treatment as time for everyone involved to reflect and to better understand what was said and done and move forward. Even if they don’t see what they did wrong to cause the silence. For yourself, you should have peace of mind during the silence to find your way back to yourself.

[@nopereradicator]

What’s fascinating? If you ignore them they magically start talking to you again as if nothing happened. Life in the spin cycle. Over and over again.

[@TheCaliReadingTeacher]

I am the adult child of a narcissist. The longest silent treatment for our family was six long weeks. My step-dad would come home while we were eating dinner, go to the last of the food and eat out of the pots. Because he wouldn’t speak to our mom, he didn’t speak to us.

[@nancycaracci4707]

Almost 2yrs. Last time it lasted 4yrs! Kind of nice not to hear his BS every day!

[@BlasianLynn]

MY MOTHER ignored me for an entire year as a teenager. Like wow what a way to treat someone in a development stage. No wonder i have bpd

[@Boyhowdy875]

During the silent treatment… Maybe use radical acceptance and just go about your life and think of the silent treatment as an upgrade, maybe incremental step forward into freedom?

[@sharicoburn5475]

The silent treatment is so destabilizing because you're just kind of waiting and you are so off balance not knowing what they are thinking or what is going to happen. And if you've been through trauma in the past it's just excruciating.

[@Johnjones-vx1wy]

Yep...and the more you need them or honor them(especially emotionally)the better it works👀🤨😠😡😔😆😂🎄😔✝️✌🏽

[@francesmartel7948]

@@Johnjones-vx1wy Yes, when Parents or Spouses pull it on you , it feels so lonely 😭 & scary.

[@MariciaBeach-PeaceinMind]

I'm in a marriage with a vulnerable narcissist who is 21 years older than me. I just recently came to the realization that he was indeed a narcissist and I'm currently working on my action plan to get him out of my life. I think meditation has really been helpful for me because it forces me to deal with silence and be ok with it. My husband is good at the silent treatment because he's nothing but a big ass child, but I laugh to myself because I really don't want to hear his stupid voice to begin with.

[@julieemmons9033]

My sister gave me the silent treatment for months and months, maybe a year plus, through our high school years. We shared a bedroom. I forgot about that; however fully aware that she was the beginning of my narcissistic journey. This was in the 70s. She absolutely destroyed my entire life. Couldn’t have kids. Stole mine. I wasn’t even acknowledged in her obituary.

[@well_weathered]

I saw that as sinister* instead of sister. No offense to sisters everywhere. I gave my own 3 each to hold on to. I never had one. Only SIL, enough said!

[@randallcrawford4141]

Yes, exactly , it they accused me i knew was a lies and did the silent treatment that someone who really loves another would not treat them So badly and falsly accuse me of what they were doing . So ghosted me after threatening me telling saying also i was stalking them so i no contacted them and cut them off and they trying to get me to go to their flying monkey to slander and gossip with my neighbors but i dont care im much happier not talking or enteracting with narcists people 😊 being myself is not a crime ❤ to care for myself libarating 🎉🎉🎉

[@well_weathered]

It forms the distance for them to gain strength. It makes them alpha with everyone! Everyone trying to figure out WTH!

[@brandonf.8360]

It's insane how some people use the silent treatment after contributing nothing.

[@cherrybacon3319]

I knew that when my Narc was silent on me for 5wks he was with someone else as he'd never gone that long before. 🍒

[@sharicoburn5475]

Avoidants also use the silent treatment

[@deborahklinkner1730]

My ASD/ADD ex had so many narc behaviors mixed in

[@drebugsita]

That’s what my sister is doing. I’m away from them and my mom answered an email I included her in but was addressed to my sister. So enmeshed. And she wonders why my sister is with a controlling partner

[@SherryTomlinson-r2y]

A full fledge narc father never talked to his oldest daughter again. He would talk through someone else to talk to her. The daughter got sent away twice for getting pregnant by the same married man. The rest of the story the daughter at 15 was a virgin and sold by her parent for money. And both her parents had been swingers. The father was constantly unfaithful. Lucy please explain ( I love Lucy)

[@patrickbinford590]

The silent treatment is about being angry with something or even divorced from reality, and that goes way back and they project that onto that other person because at that time the other person is not being their supply.

[@Ozy-te1rr]

Silent treatment for one year! This is my mom

[@SuB-gy4rb]

Angry repressed aggressive silent treatment that goes on for days until they go off.

[@BeKinditsEZ]

So true!!

[@mathandall]

He told me to get mental help. I immediately called my doctor and went to an appointment. When I got home he gave me the silent treatment. Just going about his business. Question : If you were truly worried about someone's mental health, wouldn't you greet them with a hug when they got home and immediately ask how they are doing? #askingforafriend 😅

[@jessejackson838]

Yep even now

[@jennii768]

My mom never gave me the love properly. She still gvs the silent treatment. Hence I hv attracted sm narcs in my life. Wish I could change my mom smtimes

[@lt827]

Oh yeah! I would always prefer a person to be angry and in my face to have someone silently punishing me. At least you know what is bothering the angry person so I don't do it again. With the silent treatment you are standing in a minefield of eggshells.

[@annstar2793]

The Gottman’s teach that stonewalling is a trauma response to emotional flooding. Is there any guideline for how a recipient of the silence of avoidant person who shuts down, is “using the silent treatment as a passive aggressive manipulation” or shutting down due to extreme difficulty with communicating? What do the experts say ??? I guess it would depend on a cluster of behaviors you see over a period of time, generally knowing individual and if they have personality disorder traits or not? Thanks in advance !!!

[@MichaelSkinner-e9j]

If this is a clue, I have no idea what’s going on. I’m just watching your video. I’m silent by myself. I just look for clues.

[@billywiggins5181]

as a t i i am being isolated i noticed

[@kforest2745]

Here’s an original thought how about instead of talking to an audience you speak directly to narcissists. For obvious reason.

[@navtab2391]

So what do you do about it then, how do you deal with it?

[@denineluchkow395]

❤️

[@NarcissistHex-nf9eq]

As a self-aware diagnosed narcissist, silent treatment is almost the equivalent of the narcissist having a split personality. How can someone go from one extreme to another loving kind the perfect person to be with then all of a sudden they don't even want to look at you and engage in a conversation with you? It's almost like you don't even exist in their world anymore, I always wondered why that's not even just called the split personality.

[@well_weathered]

Exactly

[@ktbiwk]

Because it's a rigid personality and what you experienced was love bombing, future faking, and manipulation. It wasn't who they really are, it was a mask to manipulate you into thinking it's who they really are, then the mask fell off. It's like going to work and telling everyone "I'm good, thank you!" When you're crying inside. They see people as transactional i.e., a means to an end, and a way to get whatever they want in that moment.

[@dragonwitch27]

This is literally a key aspect of borderline personality disorder, which is in the same family.

[@well_weathered]

@@dragonwitch27 I believe it!

[@PL-tj5sd]

🤐

[@merlinwizard1000]

18th, 24 December 2024

[@matthewwozniak9138]

🤐Silent 👂treatment even for a 📅month is a whole lot better than 💔enduring their 🤬rage for a couple ⏳hours every 🙄morning. I'd rather be alone than with someone that hates me. 🤫Silent 🛡️Knight.

[@whoanelly888]

You’re missing the word “to” in the title after the word, “treatment.” 🤍