Kirk's Panic Attack and Other Things

[@lillim.5060]

Thanks so much again for answering my question about anxiety in driving lessons. It makes me cry everytime I watch that part again. I've always struggled with anxiety in many areas of my life, but always was told I just had to push through and then screamed at, when I couldn't... So I didn't think my teacher was supposed to care, but I took your advice and at least tentatively told him I was very nervous as a first step and he was very kind, took his time with me to only slowly raise the difficulty during the lesson and after every lesson he makes sure to ask me how I thought I did and then proceeds to explain how I was way to critical and all the things I did well. Pre-lesson anxiety is still pretty bad, but while driving its mostly low enough so I can still focus on the driving, which is a huge relief!

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Oh good! Glad to hear it.

[@barbmoore6587]

You are doing great ...I have bad anxiety (didn't know) stopped driving at 35yr old finally through tears and anxiety that looked like anger, or frustration)got my license at 60 yrs old!now mid 60s I'm finally a great driver ...or not terrified behind the wheel 👌🏽🤣🙏🏼🚥🚦it was so my teen grandchildren 16 & 19 would be proud and feel courage to get their drivers license

[@resiliencehope]

U can do it! W More practice, anxiety will lessen!!! Good job

[@lillim.5060]

Not sure if anyone is going to read this, but I wanted to give an update. I actually stopped my lessons when we started really preparing for the test. The anxiety before the lessons got worse and worse to the point where from the moment I woke up, I was panicking and incapable of doing anything else. I ended up crying hystrically for several hours before a lesson, not able to leave the house without breaking down, so I decided to stop. It is hard to not see it as a failure on my part, but I also know that is was the right choice for me. I discovered that the lessons triggered a lot of childhood trauma for me, so I will work through all that with a therapist first and then try again when I feel ready. If anyone should read this who can relate: You absolutely do not have to follow the timeline of anybody else, your decisions only need to be right for you and it is perfectly fine to change your plan of something isn't working for you or you don't feel ready. If is okay if it's too much right now, you can make your own path and if you really want to you will get there on your own time!

[@thiftingmybestlife]

Thank you for sharing that you have/had a panic disorder It's very comforting for us that also have one ❤ for you to be so real and share your struggles.

[@haileyoslund]

Your panic attack story is so scary but relatable. 😂 I was stressing for you in the first half but the part about you mapping out the intricate plan to go to the fire station to get the ring off had me chuckling.

[@Amber306-qa]

Thanks!

[@Ferreneh]

I'm sorry for laughing but I'm just now listening to your story about the ring not coming off, and I work at a fire station as a cleaner 😂 I'm from a different country, but I can tell you the people working there are usually very chill and have seen thousands of different scenarios during their careers. And even if there's no fire fighters or medics present, there should be training/maintenance personell at the station offices. On rare occasions civilians will actually come here seeking some type of assistance, and it's convenient because all the equipment is here. But I totally understand the fear, I had that too when I had never visited a station before, but this is a very chill place after all. And here I am listening to Dr Kirk Honda every day while working 🥰

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Good to know!

[@Gokce-Aysun]

I have such a sad situation with my daughter. About having to explain why her father fled the country and got locked out. I had a difficult time trying *NOT to lie to her and not to disclose the entire truth to her too soon. I had to make all kinds of truthful excuses and also protect his reputation (for my daughter's sake, not his). Truth was, he was horrifically psychologically and physically abusive to us. I still have not told my daughter every detail now that she is a young adult, because I still feel like she is not in a place where she can take that information well. But I did explain to her the real reasons he got locked out the country and now she is 20 years old. I never said a bad thing (or good thing actually) about her father while she was a child though. I never praised him for anything. There was nothing to praise. I had to use the excuse that he was young and immature when he got married to me (but we both were the same age). We had a pretty intense fight and he went home to to his country without waiting for the proper travel documents from immigration and he was essentially locked out from coming back. When he tried to get me to travel to his country with my daughter, I was able to use the truthful excuse that my daughter could not get a passport because her father was not present to sign for her passport. Both parents have to present when one parent does not have full custody and permission by the court to sign for passports alone. When I got my divorce from him finalized (which he was an absentee party) and they did the custody- I later realized how clever our judge was. She refused to finalize the custody portion because he was not present. She granted me physical custody, with the child custody to be determined later, should the other parent return. The judge knew he was locked out of the country and she was aware what he did to me. There was a legal documentation of things. I think she knew it could be a potentially dangerous situation if he could convince me to go to his country with our child. So basically my daughter could not travel outside the US until she was old enough to sign for her own passport. She eventually went for a visit to see her entire family over there. I always liked and continued to like everyone in his family accept for him. There was something off about him. I did tell her to truth of everything before she went. She was 18. I did not give her every detail still (because I know that would anger my daughter and possibly make her confront him, which I feel could be dangerous). I remembered him as very manipulative, charming, and without empathy. I told her we were together young and it is possible he is different, but just be careful and stay close to her step mother, her siblings, her aunts and grandmother. Especially the younger aunt. We were always good friends and she is a nice loving person. I was pretty anxious the whole time she was there, but she was an adult here and in her father's country and not a citizen there, so her father could not keep her there, like he could if she was a child. My daughter did feel there was something off about her father too. When she came back she said that he acted pretty petulant and immature for his age. And she sensed like he was manipulative too. And he did things just to scare people and he was impulsive. They were driving and her father got mad and another driver and drove very aggressively trying to terrorize the other driver. With my daughter and his other children in the car (young children). They were all scared my daughter said and her father laughed manically at them like it was funny and he enjoyed them being scared. My daughter said she got the chills and decided her father was not a good person. She says she does not want to go visit him again and probably never will. I was relieved to hear that actually. I wanted her not to go, but I felt my hands were tied and she would go anyway and maybe even resent me and my intention to protect her or keep her safe would backfire. Teenagers and young adults are already prone to hating anything that seems controlling. It's kind of part of their development. Anyway, I am sharing this in case someone else is going through something similar. Because it is such a fine line and so hard to tell children things like this and keep things like this from them in the right way, until the right time. Now that my daughter has no intention of going back any time soon, I have explained some more details. I may wait until she is 25-26 to tell her everything, because this tends to be around the time young adults become way more mature. Also, these things did not happen to her personally, they happened to me, and she was sheltered and protected from all this since she was a baby when her father left. She is understood my reasons for waiting to tell her certain things until she is older, so I am not worried about her getting angry at me about that. I already tested the waters with the first revelation. My own Mother would trauma dump on me and triangulate me as a child, so I I made huge efforts not to do that with my own children. Because I know how damaging it can be. I think mostly my mother did this thinking it kept me safer to expose me/tell me about the evils of the world, and I don't resent her and know she loves me- but it did cause damage to me. My brother is fine though. So it's kind of one of those things that you don't know what can happen to someone. It's kind of scary.

[@Gokce-Aysun]

I still have a ring cutter in my home from when I was a combat medic in the army. lol I have a bunch of supplies that come in handy sometimes. A lot of neighbors know who to ask for stuff when it comes to illnesses or injuries. I have even retrieved a bead from my own kid's nose (that he randomly stuck in his nose) with my hand dandy ENT kit. lol Kids do the weirdest s*** sometimes lol.

[@barbmoore6587]

Wow such an amazing life and thank you for showing such a great example of what mom...safety and understanding is really the most important way to feel as a child... Thank you so much for sharing👏🏽🫂🙏🏼

[@lesliek.2319]

Thank you for your explanations on matters of what the experience is like for panic attacks and suicide. I hear how these terms are used loosely and I get frustrated more with myself because I feel I don’t have the words to describe them.

[@helen.k]

Thank you for putting this out for those of us that couldn't join 😊!

[@LaurynTamia]

That ring story is amazing. Love when Dr. Kirk shares personal tidbits about himself lol

[@inesolujic2534]

I'm super curious if Dr Honda has watched Ted Lasso and if he thinks the panic attacks that Ted has were depicted well. I realize we can't have him react to the show since it's a fictional comedy, but it's such a good/easy to watch show! And Dr Honda, your assumption is correct about having to leave the ring at the jeweler while it's being resized. Usually it's not long. So sorry to hear that you had such anxiety about what viewers would think 😔😔

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, from my memory, the panic attacks seemed well-depicted. But it's been a while since I've seen those scenes. And yeah, I had the leave the ring for a few weeks. It felt weird to not have it. And I do react to fictional characters sometimes, like the Sopranos.

[@ginkgobilobatree]

My parents left a ring with a jeweler to be reset into a new engagement ring for my mom as the original one had become worn super thin over the years. The jeweler gave them a new ring, but the diamond was just a chip and not the original diamond. They came home and said he was super nervous and decided to have it appraised and they verified it was a super cheap stone. My parents are suckers and believed his ridiculous confession that he had lost the stone or had a burglary or some such nonsense and took some money or something. UGH.

[@samtc2]

For me it really helps to soap up your hands then remove the ring. Kinda like the butter trick but less messy. 😂 I had an anxiety attack today. I had chest pain, lightness of head and hyperventilation. I remembered what my therapist told me and you also mentioned somewhere that ice helps so I held ice in my hands and it really calmed me down. Thanks, doc!

[@jalm6868]

Glad the ring came off!

[@emilystrader349]

i’m learning so much!!

[@cleothecat9]

Thanks for the great personal story. I laughed out loud at your being single joke. 😁 Glad you got it off!

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Ha! Thanks for appreciating my dad joke. That makes one of you. ;)

[@Aerojuanas]

Panic disorder sucks. I had it at an unusually young age and it lasted from 5 years old to 11. I recently had a panic attack after nearly 30 years without one. I blame pregnancy hormones lol I was watching the season finale of True Detective season 1 and it was so intense that it triggered a panic attack 😂 So weird that the brain has an "omg I'm gonna die!!! No wait, false alarm, sorry" glitch 🤦

[@PsychologyInSeattle]

Yeah, it's awful.

[@sAngelicai]

What keeps me from suicide is the fact that my husband and I live in a country with no family, and I'm his only support here. I don't even believe in hell. If I'm to be honest, that reason there is getting ever so pointless, because I've been feeling like a burden to him too. Suicidality is not rational.

[@Viiksis]

"Claws of death" doesn't seem right :D

[@jennaalden3658]

do a live!! then we can add our commentary for you in real time

[@carolinaacastro2516]

Amém ❤

[@georges4195]

'Promosm'