The Unsettling Psychology of Covert Narcissism

[@KleinArn]

"Self awareness does not always equate to self development" It did critical damage to me

[@youtuber23450]

How come?

[@Red-lm7re]

​@@youtuber23450 Because he likely finds it relatable. So do I. And it makes you feel disgusted in yourself.

[@joaodepepefelix7369]

I hope it gives you the boost you need to do the things you know that need be done. I know I identified way too much with almost every aspect of Talon. Try to do a small gesture for other people. Don’t be so much on your head. Truly wishing the best for you.

[@just_julia_things]

Yeah, 'cuz self-development requires action. Self-awareness is just the first step.

[@amrinderdhaliwal420]

​@@just_julia_things❤

[@JimBillyRayBob]

Humility isn't about thinking less of yourself. It's about thinking of yourself less.

[@NWPaul72]

I'm trying to find the best way to appear humble to those whose approval I crave.

[@R3ALNUTTY]

@@NWPaul72 You shouldn't crave approval from people first off, you crumble from the lack of/ disapproval. Also don't "appear" humble, be it.

[@thoseradstars]

@@NWPaul72 Be willing to suck it up and apologize, and to vocalize or write the exact things that you’re sorry for, and - in some cases - what you’re doing to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Use the word “sorry” or “apology” to make it clear that you are saying that you’re sorry and that you are acknowledging your responsibility for the harm caused. This will be very difficult to do initially. Evolutionarily speaking, humans are hardwired to perceive any possibility of being “cast out from the group” as akin to physical pain (because someone abandoned by the group thousands of years ago would die very quickly.) You’ll experience less discomfort doing it over time, because you’ll learn that people are nearly always positively receptive to what feels like a genuine apology. It begin to feel more natural and automatic the more you do it. Also be willing to say that you were wrong about something. Be willing to take responsibility. It is the admirable thing to do. If you want to be admirable, you must do admirable things. Admirable things are admirable because they are difficult for the average person to do when the circumstances call for it most. (That’s why things like humility, compassion, and patience are virtues.) You don’t have to mean it, but your words and your *behavior* have to appear humble, yet not completely self-deprecating (unless humorously, and only once in awhile with the right company). It might seem corny, but think about Mr. Rogers. Everyone admires him. So just think, “What would an admirable person do in this situation? How would Mr. Rogers handle it? What was a truly decent human being say?” About 3/4 of that is what I’ve learned from my own experiences and the other 1/4 of it is what I learned from James H. Fallon, a brilliant neuroscientist who sadly died last year but left a lot of insight in his writings, research, and interviews.

[@MindsThoughts]

Ahhh this is such a simple and straightforward answer to a question I was looking for. "What is humbleness (humility) and how is it different to downplaying oneself?"

[@davidgreenwood6029]

@@NWPaul72 I just love that people are giving you serious replies.

[@Nemoknowsnothing]

There is a thin line between deepening your self understanding and being obsessed with your internal world... and I am skipping over that line

[@azloii9781]

Me too

[@dawiddulian2403]

I don't know if I am one, because if I am one, the behaviour centers around focusing to not be one and concentrating about how it makes me feel, fully indulging in those feelings of "yes, more people should be like that: noticing and fighting for being better. I'm better then them" or some shit like that, and I have no idea how to even approach this honestly. It's weird, but I care in a weird way, I really do.

[@XxTh3Fall3nxX]

Yeah, but I would disagree, it really depends on how the person is. People with autism for example are often engulfed in their internal worlds, doesn't mean they have NPD. But I guess it's maybe the way you worded it, being obsessed with oneself rather than their inner world? Idk just talking at this point.

[@Nemoknowsnothing]

@@XxTh3Fall3nxX mostly I meant that, at least I, should be careful to just pay attention and analyse my feelings and thoughts rather than fixating on them and forgetting there are even other people feelings and thoughts.

[@888_vav]

Walk the line, brother.

[@thomasblackcraft]

It always cracks me up that everyone knows a narcissist but nobody ever IS a narcissist. Lol….😂😂😂

[@duke3250]

lol usually I leave this comment under these videos

[@Luvofmarz]

Narcissist people are probably not going to watch this type of content

[@FriedaTheFowl]

Narcissists need a codependent to thrive 😂

[@Luvofmarz]

@@mriyoi your self pitting you could literally just stop.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Narcissists think that people who don't do what they want are toxic and unreasonable. Or people they are jealous of.

[@genevieveyork7275]

Well what do you expect when you name your kid "Talon". Give him a cool name like "Raptor Claw" and he'd be fine.

[@tallinnt415]

Hey, what’s wrong with being named Tallinn

[@mason4354]

Rusty would be cooler, Rusty Shackleford

[@libera7161]

Lmao 😂

[@uuu098]

Good one!

[@tallinnboyle1556]

@tallinnt415 Yeah what's wrong with being named Tallinn

[@samerbahgat]

There's a huge difference between narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder. Everyone has narcissistic traits it's part of being human and feeling self-important doesn't automatically equate to a narcissistic disorder unless you're manipulating others or seeking control by undermining them. Self-importance isn't about feeling superior to others, it's about valuing yourself and your needs, just like you'd value your own child without thinking they're better than everyone else. Self-reflection and dreams of greatness are also perfectly acceptable, the line is crossed when you start manipulating others to boost your image or when you put others down to elevate yourself. So, let's not go diagnosing everyone who's a bit self-absorbed as a covert narcissist, it's way more complicated than that.

[@PeeGee85]

5 minutes into the video and it strikes me that it's all contrived narrative to create framing that will prove the eventual argument right. Which is rather self-serving. Everyone is narcissistic at least in the sense that you're on your own team, and of course you should be, to the degree that you can fairly defend your position. You don't have to feel guilty about that. It also makes no sense to care about others, but not care about yourself at least as much. You can't be in any healthy relationship if you can't articulate your boundaries and needs. Anyway, most of these "narcissist" videos are suspiciously vein and self-serving ;). * Watched it to the end, completely fact-free, 100% projection and navel gazing, exposition. Clickbait misleading title, pretending to be factual/educational. Otherwise good production values and well made, just too bad it seems so misguided. ** Watched it to the end where he advertises his own therapy materials. Now that's highly dangerous and deluded. Self-proclaimed guru?

[@waterzero5461]

​@@PeeGee85That's a cool analysis. How'd you like to direct that towards a new artistic animator some day? It might help the animator step out of misguidedness and bad habits earlier rather than becoming entrenched later.

[@stuartwashington2658]

@@PeeGee85 SERIOUSLY. Covert (vulnerable) Narcissists can be beyond the pale and the line between Overt (Grandiose) Narcissism can be fluid. Covert narcissists will start to *actively* put down and manipulate others. It is NOT just being self-absorbed. Narcissists of both types generally lack a moral compass, rationalizing things like cheating on partners, embezzling, emotional/physical abuse. This video does not describe the totality of Covert (technical term "vulnerable") Narcissism. Watch a video by Dr. Ramani: kzbin.info/www/bejne/o3-peoRqa5KmY6M

[@alancjmgmorales6420]

​@@PeeGee85I mean.... It's a though experiment taken to the extremes to help people realize how different one's own perception can be from reality and the effect of our own thoughts in self fulfilling prophecies, even if it comes from past trauma. The therapy he seems to offer follows the dame way of thinking deeply about one's self in hopes of understanding their problems and working towards solutions, it doesn't have to be fact written to be educational

[@sp34277]

“everyone has narcissistic traits it’s part of being human” people who are never exposed to narcissistic behavior will likely never turn out narcissistic..

[@jeanvaljean4218]

As someone prone to overthinking, I was helped a lot by a simple hard and fast rule to social interactions. Without judging, analyzing or picking interractions apart I just ask myself "Do I feel energized or drained after that interraction?" and for self reflection I ask myself if others feel like that around me (and ask them as well if they're close friends/family) After years of analyzing, blaming myself and others, I've reduced it down to this and it works like a charm.

[@sunte91]

Seams reasonable, I do something similar when I get overwhelmed 👍🏻

[@ncedwards1234]

Chemotaxis toward the good and away from the bad. Cells do it too, cause it works. Too bad people make it too complicated a lot of the time. "You're missing the nuance. *Makes the same predictable mistake again*" "Am i?"

[@jessehutchings]

That's definitely a good metric for deciding if someone is helping you or helping themselves to you, or the other way around.

[@MindsThoughts]

Im open to being wrong, but wouldn't that be too simplified? What if other factors sway the assessment of the interaction? The weather, your mood, the environment, the people, the noise, your physio state, etc. How can you say for certain?

[@wesleyduckett1982]

That is really very beautiful Thank you for sharing from someone dealong with cptsd

[@god1770]

"There's a great deal of narcissism in self-hatred!" ~ David Foster Wallace

[@jessehutchings]

*hatred

[@vettie]

I love that man so much. I think about him literally every day. RIP.

[@ryansturdivant387]

Dang, I guess that means I'm a narcissist

[@falonsound]

The inverse is more accurate. There’s not always narcissism in self hatred but narcissism will contain self hatred a lot of the time.

[@cassieclover99]

Well, I sure feel called out now considering I had a cry earlier, thinking abt how much I hated myself😅 other things too, a lot of heavy things, but I couldn't stop thinking that I hated myself.

[@Alexdelarge1975]

Reminds me of my father. He was emotionally neglected by his parents and eventually raised by his grandparents. They were overprotective and tried to make him feel like a special person. He's is now a 75 year old man with the emotional development of a toddler. As a child I was unaware of this. It is only recently that I have realized how disturbed his psyche is. It makes me mourn the father he never was.

[@MindsThoughts]

Mourn the father he never was. Such a powerful sentence

[@bekkakay8573]

Sorry.

[@jeshurandianga1251]

What do you think could have been done better tomake the situation better

[@mainman3941]

what if he kept the child in him alive to enjoy life and you are judging off dunning Kruger of this information age.

[@mainman3941]

​@@jeshurandianga1251 him not judging the situation wrongly. i think he is judging the situation wrongly and thinks there's something it could have been.

[@qualia_or_illusion]

Firstly, this style of animation was immersive. Secondly, what a story. "Whether you like yourself too much or you hate yourself too much, you thinking about yourself too much." I never thought about it like that and I'm sincerely thankfull to know about that perspective. If I find myself in that spiral of self-hatred, I will remind myself that this act is nothing more than toxic self-importance, which is not appropriat in a world so complex like wa're living in.

[@Tom_Fuckery]

No it isn't. Learning from others and helping along is. Just be wary of those that wear their dangerous naivety on their sleeves and language. good luck friend

[@That_1_Bohemian]

It's pretty disturbing that you think caring about yourself is bad. We should all be dependent, lack self awareness and construct a delusion of ignorance? Fyi, narcissists ONLY care about yourself, caring about yourself in general is noble, important and responsibility. Whether you hate or love yourself is a measure of your past sins and guild vs your accomplishments and skills. If someone hates themselves it's impossible for them to be a narcissist because narcissists believe they can do no wrong, anything and everything is someone's fault. Empaths hate themselves because they know their shortcomings are affecting others and themselves and guilt builds up. A narcissist would make an excuse to ignore the emotion and quickly forget and move on, but an empath holds on to that because even though it's easier to forget your mistakes, it's better to remember and learn from them.

[@taranuzum8428]

Nacrs hare then selves. Don't get it wrong they can't love. And can't accept love. That's more the issue. If they cld accept love form another, then it wld also make sense to them that they cldve been loved by which ever parent did them wrong. And thIer parent can't be wrong. If they didn't love the narc esp as a child, then its becuz they're bad and unlovable. Which back when this happened they kinda decided for themselves no one will ever hurt them again. Almost like they create a toxic body guard imaginary friend. Who tells them it's not their fault. Tells them ppl don't really love them. Ppl cheat on them and all that. They form .ksr a protector for themselves. It's wild what a child mins is capea le of during times of terrible trauma. And they seek out love maybe more than most even. But they'll never think they are loved. Cuz they don't feel it from anyone. U CLD give your life out of love for them and they'd just excuse it as something else. But not love. This ain't true for all narcs. But trust me. They all hate themselves. Another reason why they can't love anyone. Cuz they don't have love for themself. They don't treat themself right. They disrespect their self. So how on earth CLD they ever do better for another who isn't as smart and worthy as they are? They feel like they're the only real one in the world. Everyone else is just there as a character in their story. But it's their story.

[@Rapha_Carpio]

Bro I’m the protagonist 😢 I don’t know if I’m narcissist right now but I remember back in high school and university I was always talking bad about me, having hatred thoughts about me, and spend 90% of the time close in my own thoughts 💭 When someone get close to me I never felt like I was cool enough or worthy to be there to have friends or have a girlfriend I felt like a robot 🤖 I knew what I l have to say and ask just to keep the people moving around me Now I’m married with two kids and I feel completely alone all days of my life

[@That_1_Bohemian]

@@Rapha_Carpio you're not, narcissists sitting there closed off in their own thoughts. They don't actually care they just pretend to. If you legitimately feel concerned then it doesn't matter if you're confident or doubtful, if you're feeling anything then you're good. Narcissists only worry about being outed and will gaslight as a defense

[@lainnasalvione8792]

“so if you hate yourself and you are always loathing about yourself, who exactly are you focused on?” took me out

[@MatauReviews]

Most people have some degree of narcissism. There is in fact a healthy degree of it. Although killing your ego can be helpful for some too. Recognizing your own negative narcissism is a part of growing. I’ve been a vulnerable narcissist before, but I met the diagnostic criteria for BPD. Happy to say it’s in remission. Remember to treat all people with dignity and respect: even those with disordered personalities and issues with ego. Trauma is a bitch for everybody to overcome

[@Rithmy]

Yea lets not stigmatize disorders or especially personality disorders. Tho that does not mean that you shouldn't react to their action in a normal way. The problem with Talonw as that no one confronted him. That is partly because no one cared enough to do the work (which is fine) but also partly because some did not know that this would help him in the long run.

[@bekkakay8573]

Thanks for sharing this! BPD in remission. I think this narrative is a bit off.

[@lena-Ramone]

I can remove trauma from people in my job ... tbh

[@9000ck]

I think it might be dangerous to tell self loathing people they are narcissists. Sure there is a type of person who complains about their life to others all the time, but that's not the majority of people who are self loathing. There are plenty who are people pleasers or very isolated individuals and will use the label of covert narcissist as yet another cudgel to hit themselves with.

[@alexicon2006]

But People Pleasers ARE Narcissistic. I was one for a VERY long time myself and I used to DROWN in self loathing. These types of behaviours ARE narcissistic no matter which way you slice it. It is focusing on one's own self WAYYYY too much. The reason doesnt matter in the definition here. From my experience People Pleasers do NOT please others to actually help them. If there was a situation where the person a pp helps will still not think of them in a better light afterwards, they will NOT be willing to help them. As a PP myself (lol) I have sacrificed the wrong things to value the wrong people just to get their approval a lot of the times. It is toxic, it is harmful to those actually close and tolerant to your behaviours and yourself, and it is narcissistic. And not in a good way. I know this sounds harsh but there is no other way around this. We cannot hide the truth from them just because they'll use it the wrong way.

[@NWPaul72]

Sadly, people with a negative self-narration will use anything you hand them to beat themselves with. Compliments can be poisonous to a depressed person! So what you hand them is whatever you think will make a good tool and hope they figure it out.

[@jackanghoff8320]

⁠@@alexicon2006Yeah there is kind of a gordian knot of trying to get what you want when what you want is people to like you. You can't force people to feel the way you want them to and trying to make them in weird conniving ways is almost always annoying. All you can do is go with the flow.

[@Rithmy]

Yea lets not use such strong and definitive words. Better just describe the symptomes and maybe later add your interpretation or just suggest a therapist.

[@internet8080]

@youtuber-cc8sx Or we can look for solutions so narcissists become better.

[@Troglodude05]

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less". -C.S. Lewis

[@Valzack]

Well between all the types of narcissism I can safely say I don't know a single person that it isn't one including myself.

[@robertimmanuel577]

maybe you overestimate how similar you are to others

[@9000ck]

Everyone requires a certain amount of narcissism or we wouldn't leave the house.

[@taranuzum8428]

Very true. We all have narcissism to a degree. It's on a spectrum. Like anything else. It's when it's extreme and all or most of the time that it becomes a problem. But we all have tendencies. We have to in order to live and survive in the world.

[@DerekDuror]

Be that as it may,but a wise man once said : You'll know the tree by its fruit...

[@dismalthoughts]

I'm not saying a large percentage of the population is/isn't narcissistic; we would need data, and I'm lazy. But a couple of ideas: *1)* Like attracts like... often people have social circles of people similar to them. *2)* We tend to project our own perspectives and mindset onto others, imagining them to be like us when they might not be. Helps when we forget that we're not psychic and different people are different. *3)* If the definition of "narcissism" we're going with is _"thinking about yourself too much",_ that's *incredibly* subjective and vague, so depending on the answer you're subconsciously gravitating towards (you and/or others _are_ or _are not_ narcissistic), you can easily make it fit. Everyone thinks about themselves sometimes. Everyone prioritizes themselves sometimes. Does it make them narcissistic? Not necessarily, but if you're trying to find ways that people are narcissistic, perhaps because it helps you relate more to the video, you can easily interpret it that way. Alternatively, if you're _not_ wanting that to be true because you want to believe something you think is more positive, you can just as easily say that _doesn't_ meet the threshold for narcissism. *tl;dr:* _it's all made up, all of it. every label and definition. what matters is nameless cause and effect. it doesn't matter whether you call yourself or others narcissistic or selfless or anything else. what matters is whether the underlying thoughts and actions those labels aim to describe are leading towards something desirable. be mindful of every thought, the words/actions they inspire, and their consequences, and you'll be alright, no matter your starting point._

[@sarvagyakaushik7976]

Obsession over one’s own perceived shortfalls, and letting others know that constantly, is such a covert way of garnering attention without being labelled a narcissist, because we always see narcissists as people with inflated self-worth and grandiosity. Another amazing video by Pursuit of Wonder 🙌.

[@That_1_Bohemian]

That's not narcissism... A narcissist could do that yes, but it's not exclusive to them. Trauma can cause that, typically by being taught to be too dependent. Example, if a child is in school and struggling with it's work and is asking for help from others then you'd lable that as narcissism... See the error, sometimes people fall behind and asking for help is hard to do. Real narcissists get frustrated when asked to help others with their short comings, they will label them as self proclaimed shortfalls and that they are only asking for their attention. Only someone who is lacking empathy can come to a conclusion like that

[@sarvagyakaushik7976]

@@That_1_Bohemian No of course, I agree with you, this behaviour is not exclusive to narcissists, and can be seen in people with different issues, hell it can be seen with people victims of narcissists (I.e., gaslighting). Like you said Trauma can be another one of those situations. I am sorry if I implied otherwise. DSM usually has very specific criterias that don’t overlap with other issues when a diagnosis is made. This type of behaviour can be considered while diagnosis for Vulnerable Narcissism. But yes, only if it is not better explained by another disorder.

[@jeanvaljean4218]

Good post and good answer from @That_1_Bohemian. Constant victimisation and trauma-dumping is just one aspect of covert narcissism. What cinches it is what Bohemian said : namely a frustration when prompted to reciprocate. That's where the lack of empathy comes through, which sets them apart from others with that issue (trauma dumping constant victimization).

[@That_1_Bohemian]

@@jeanvaljean4218 there's no such thing as covert narcissists. You're a narcissist or you're not. All narcissism is covert, if your openly narcissistic then you're just arrogant, and that's not a thing because narcissists hide. Trauma-dumping is a term that frankly a narcissist clearly came up with. Narcissists that disguise themselves as carrying people don't like dealing with trauma because since they lack empathy, they can't accurately act out the appropriate emotions because trauma is specific, special and unique to that individual. A narcissist relies on a social understanding of emotions, if they are in a situation that social understanding is lacking their sharade falls apart. "Trauma-dumping" is no more than an attempt to control a narrative created by narcissists to protect narcissists. Because only a narcissist can come up with a rational excuse to ignore and discredit others grievances. Trauma dumping... What an insidious and warped perspective, I'm not attacking you or your comment, just the term is so clearly evil in it's conception

[@That_1_Bohemian]

@@sarvagyakaushik7976 it's ok you didn't imply anything, it's just the logic they presented is flawed and I was addressing it. "You" in this topic is more vague and subject to the hypothetical situation of the reader of the comment could be a part of, not you as the op specifically

[@Cangurul0921]

I cannot even find my words...as someone who has no idea how it feels to grow up being loved by my own parents and family and that developed into intense self-hatred and an emptyness that sucks the life out of me everyday...it's hard to hear that society has a word for this now and is narcissism. I don't wish anyone to experience the UNLOVE as a child because is something you will feel for the rest of your life and I personally did not find the cure yet. And yeah, I feel the urge to complain about how miserable I am almost all the time because no one ever told me when I really needed that that they are happy to have me...but I learned to keep the misery mostly for myself...I write everything on paper and then I torn them into pieces... it is unlove, not narcisssism...

[@AlbertoBalsalme]

For what it's worth, I don't think you sound like a narcissist at all. When you imagine a child being similarly deprived of love like you have been, what feelings does it evoke in you? From what you've written, I would guess that empathy is a huge part of it

[@boyke2536]

Read "the courage to be disliked"

[@AbbyLaporte]

Meditation helps! I appreciate what you wrote. It's an interesting description and I think adds some nuance that was sorely lacking from this video. It's basically just a non-trauma-informed, crude try at a narrative summary of someone's idea of NPD. I actually don't even know if this random character would be diagnosable. He might have another disorder entirely. So yeah, I dunno. The over-medicalization of mental differences is not always helpful.

[@SarahWarren-ht5nz]

It’s a shame that nobody can fulfill that for you, but I wish people felt more comfortable doing it. I know how you feel and I feel like because of my experiences, if I ever met someone like you I would tell them that they’re amazing, that they’re wonderful, that they’re doing a great job at surviving, that they’re loved, that they got this, that they can conquer their obstacles. But life isn’t fair and most people wouldn’t think to dive that deeply into your psyche and have that level of empathy for your past. But maybe you’ll find someone like you one day? Maybe me too? If anything I think I’ve been connecting to god and energies for healing. What I started doing is logically putting myself through hypothetical situations and scenarios to prove that I’m not a horrible person. That I deserve to live, and be loved. Maybe start by moving towards being self neutral and not a self-loather? Like, I’m ok :) just ok.

[@AbbyLaporte]

@@SarahWarren-ht5nz Sarah, this is such a great comment. Thank you for taking the time to write something so useful! Super precise, too.

[@matthewfranklin2137]

This video solidified in my mind that I indeed am a narcissist. This realization, that I was manipulative and playing the victim, devastated me. But even as I type this I realize I am centering myself. I caused people great harm and suffering. I hurt people for my own gain for years. And I was deeply deeply miserable. I hope that others can realize this and be honest with themselves. And stop the cycle.

[@11regnartseht]

One of the hardest things in this world is truly knowing yourself. Self acceptance and breaking cycles of thought/behavior are even harder.

[@matthewfranklin2137]

@@11regnartseht a year ago, I had a weed induced panic attack that basically made me rethink everything I’ve ever done. And it hit me. I was a genuinely bad person. I don’t say that for pity. I actually manipulated and lied and smeared others and played victim bc I had CPTSD. I’m only 23 and I’m happy I had this nervous breakdown. Especially so young. It allowed me to be honest with myself for the first time in my life. At first I wallowed in pity before manning up and owning my shit. Every relationship drastically improved. It is possible to improve when you have this problem

[@CYNTHIAAAkitty]

Narcissism is normal but can get unhealthy when you have low self esteem. The best way to develop out of this into a healthier version is to do something that serves everyone around you and creates an impression of increase. Like doing the job you’ve always wanted to the best of your ability, that way you feel better about yourself because your skill is helping those around you in a real way.

[@abbiealverez2960]

You evolved, so that is something

[@ShelbyTomov]

For some of the people in the comments: Not every reflection on how our minds work-or even on how they hurt-is meant to be a psychiatric diagnosis. You can identify a narcissistic pattern in your behavior that has been causing you and other people pain, without necessarily coming to the conclusion that you have a narcissistic personality disorder, or that you are this or that specific type of “narcissist”. I enjoyed this video. It’s not your story, or my story: it is the story of Talon, a fictional character. Of course, it’s meant to resonate with people. But it is not a diagnostic tool-it never claimed to be one; so there’s no need to become trapped on whether it accurately represent this or that clinical picture, let alone your own intimate, personal one. One should rather focus on its implicit yet quite useful advice. Cheers.

[@Cynadyde]

It doesn't sound to me like Talon is "excessively interested" in himself. It sounds like he has complex trauma, is deeply isolated, feels guilty for sharing his burdens but cant help himself because it torments him so much, yet for all of the attention this gets him, thats clearly not what hes looking for. his parents made him feel unwanted. no amount of kindness can heal that kind of all consuming pain. Talon really is doing his best. But that doesn't make Talon a good person, a good friend, or anything. He might be really manipulative and shitty to people, but the story didn't show that. What the story did show, is that for everyone he ever opened up to, no one ever encouraged him to seek mental health help. And that is tragic, because Talon seemed willing to give it a shot

[@cabana85]

Only at the very end there is a possibility that he seeks change and considers for once showing actual interest in someone else. Therapy is good but it does not solve your problems for you. He would only get better by focussing more on others. Therapy would have only told him what Maria said.

[@boyke2536]

"Trauma does not exist." - Alfred Adler

[@hoodmalarkygherkin.2559]

@@boyke2536 The quote you stated is taken from Alfred Adler's book, which has many psychological theories that have pretty much been debunked by modern day psychologists, much like most of Freud's works: currently irrelevant! It is medically proven that trauma changes the brain. Trauma is very much real.

[@Sibyltec]

@@cabana85 eh, I wouldn't say that focusing more on other people is a great solution for Talon. In his situation he is alone and forcefully making friends or investing into others in his state of mind would lead to making it worse for himself especially with how uncaring most people are at least until you find those to be close with. This video made it seem like the whole world revolves around people and relationships, and perhaps that's how it is in Talon's mind. He shouldn't be so focused on himself either. He should be focused on what he can actually do with his time and to find self esteem in actualizing his potential. Then, friends will naturally come and he won't be so miserable to drive them away because he won't have to meet all his needs through the emotions of others.

[@frohnatur9806]

I think if a person has mental issues that mostly prevent them from working and keeping their stuff together to the point that they rely on other people, meaning, if that person is a burden on society, then... thinking about themselves a lot can be a way to try to better themselves. Of course, a fitting therapist and some other accomodations are probably better, but therapy can take a lot of time anyway

[@freshlysqueezedpopsicle]

complete juxtaposition to my last comment but … just realized this describes bojack horseman SO WELL

[@blainebishop8007]

I think I understand leaving it at that 13:30, I feel like these conversations have very little meaning to those that are not willing to receive them.

[@princetamrac1180]

I think he realizes, that Maria needs this conversation, that she has problems aswell. But he still cant stop focusing only on himself. Thus his narcisicm wins yet again and he stomps out the cigarette, ending the conversation, instead of taking another drag.

[@rubenreeves217]

The opposite of narcissism is authenticity. One of the biggest burdens people curse themselves with is pretending they know something they don’t. The best way to stop yourself falling into the narcissistic self trap is to be willing to prove yourself wrong. If you’re always accusing others of narcissism, the test of weather the real narc is you is to see how far you’ll go to be right about that. Fact is NPD is no joke. Anyone can be a little selfish or whatever but I’ve never met someone who actually had NPD who life wasn’t a complete train wreck. It’s completely and totally debilitating for the person who has it. It’s not as common as people would like to make out.

[@thedoor5903]

i do have a problem with going to a far extent to prove myself right. and thats part of the reason my gf left me. how do i go about proving myself wrong? how do i do this and not feel so shitty about myself?

[@jasminea.1686]

​@@thedoor5903maybe you make an assumption about someone's intentions, you think they did something to slight you in some way. To try to prove yourself wrong, you could talk to the person you think harmed you and make yourself vulnerable, explain what they did and how it made you feel, knowing you might be wrong. It is hard but I think it can put things in perspective

[@lfv3709]

That’s such a good insight. What classifies as a train wreck of a life from your experience? People from different walks of life will have different ideas of what that looks like. Eg. Can you have absolutely no healthy relationships in your life but have a stable career, and still be classified a trainwreck?

[@rhyanrose5524]

@@thedoor5903 look up Dialectical Behavior Therapy. lots of great skills. Designed for people with BPD in mind, but helpful for all, in my opinion. if you want to know how to accept being wrong, radical acceptance helps with that. Not an easy journey to undertake, but a journey that you can take if you're willing, nonetheless. Wishing you health and peace as you navigate that journey

[@foxqueen6214]

Ive known people like this. Its so... Exhausting. Especially for a people pleaser like me, constantly reassuring, loving, desperately trying to make the other happy or at the very least prevent the worst possible outcome. Its hard to leave and it's exhausting to stay

[@jaye5872]

So true, I came up with a term called "negative narcissism" to describe ppl being overly focused on their flaws, issues and mistakes.

[@moosepatil5946]

Often, that obsession comes from trauma, maybe narcissist isn't the right way to describe people who act like this as a whole.

[@jaye5872]

@@moosepatil5946 Ur right, it does probably stem from trauma but I like the term negative narcissism since it rolls off the tongue well imo.

[@moosepatil5946]

@jaye5872 I guess. That just makes it harder for people with real suffering to have their suffering correctly identified. Trauma isn't the same as narssisim and shouldn't be conflated as the same thing or close to. It distorts the intention behind the behaviors with a lable from a layman, like how people chirp neurodivervisty when there is no such term diagnostically or academically for such a word. 🙄

[@jaye5872]

@@moosepatil5946 good point.

[@MrBungle900]

@@moosepatil5946 There is no pathological narcissism without trauma. It’s the splitting of the authentic self and adopting a narcissist defence which protects the child from the deep abyss of pain within. The persona of grandiosity or a deeply flawed and wounded human are then running the show from that point on. There is no self anymore. We have to think of narcissism as a spectrum. It’s not binary. We all have traits of narcissism. Some more than others until we eventually reach the far end of the spectrum and there we have diagnosable NPD.

[@DADela-ht6ux]

This is the literal story of my early childhood. LOL Although I was stuck in that self-centered loop of despair, I was also highly sensitive; a budding empath who could barely understand the implications of others feelings. I could feel them though. 5yo and I still remember very clearly. This would shift me out of my self-centered ways as I learned to really emotionally connect to friends, family members and eventually girlfriends. Little of that narcissist remains. Humility is a much worthier target than pride. I've learned a lot of different things. I've shifted gears and careers like a Nascar driver. Made some mistakes, lost some battles and made some course corrections. I'm still here. Haven't stopped learning. Haven't given up yet. Life isn't really about the survival of the fittest. It's those who can adapt readily to arising challenges that really survive. Blessings! 🙏

[@danielp.1681]

Beautiful way to put in words what is so easy to point out in others but hard to feel empathy for. Being friends to someone like this is quite a conflicting relationship of love and hate. Especially when the person in pain expresses her pain all the time but does not do much to get better. It can be extremely draining for people pleasers or sensitive people. And ultimately a self-love test where you will learn to set boundaries with someone you love for your own sake. Sending love to all those that struggle with these complex disorders.

[@missymissy2008]

This describes my bff to a t! She was diagnosed with BPD though. No desire to live, she always has it worse than me, only wants to talk about problems.. Never thought she may have some narcissism in her. I don’t see any controlling behaviours, but she defenitely makes everything about her. ‘Weaponizing your misery against others,’ totally made me feel like: That’s what I feel like I’m on the receiving end of! Thank you!

[@bluespirit2122]

Although it’s an interesting idea, I’m not sure what you’re basing this on. People who are miserable view their state as a threat and are therefore naturally ego-centric and inconsiderate. That’s not the same as narcissism. I recommend John Vervaeke’s awakening from the meaning crisis, he talks at the beginning of his series about why people who feel like shit can’t really see the pain of others or readily change their cognitive framework. If that same person improved their life-situation and felt overall better, would they still act this way?

[@thedoor5903]

Yea idk if im this narcissist or what you describe. but i know when i am emotionally very bad i cant see the pain of others. its like very thick fog in my brain. i searched what you suggested. its a playlist of 143 videos, are you specifically talking about the first video?

[@bluespirit2122]

@@thedoor5903 he talks about it specifically in Episode 5 but it’s good to start listening from the first episode so that the context becomes clearer later on.

[@DevoidVoid]

​@@thedoor5903 sounds like BPD maybe? As they retain affective empathy but lose it during their emotional dysregulated states.

[@fqproductions]

Kinda weird how he’s damned if he does damned if he doesn’t. If he admits defeat and acknowledges his self-depreciating behavior then he’s a narcissist, but if he tries to focus less on himself and have a more positive attitude, then he’s a self-aggrandizing narcissist. Honestly seems a bit manipulative to view narcissists this way because no matter what we view their behavior as problematic.

[@Anya-d8r]

That’s kind of why I’ve always had a problem with labels in psychiatry. It feels very “good person vs. bad person” but doesn’t everyone have the same capacities? We should just get rid of the stigma

[@chasemoreland8849]

A covert narc is just one without supply, the victim hood is the grandiosity compared to an overt narc. Narcissism is the compensation that he formed in light of having a “dead mother”. Every narc does this. Ofc he would still be a narc if he acknowledged his victim hood, behind the mask there truly is nothing to a narc. Its a huge wall and beyond that lies incredible shame

[@lucascorrea96]

This is not covert narcissism, a covert narcisist is someone who thinks about himself in a "either/or" manner, like a child, he is either the best or the worst, no "in between" often caused by being ostracized and bullied during childhood His self-hatred is so great that he is unable to face his own opinion of himself and NEEDS to constantly be told he is amazing, because he has to constantly convince himself that he isn't horrible Otherwise that horrible opinion of himself will overwhelm him with a strengh thats difficult to describe He has a image to uphold, made up to escape reality, and all of his actions are means to uphold that image Manipulating, contantly lying, bullying, blame-shifting and gaslighting, even self-pity is only used to maintain the farse that he is amazing and everything bad that happens is always unfair and never his fault They dont see others as human-beings, only as emotional supply The most dangerous part is most of them realize that the only way to keep that supply contantly, since everyone who can, will always leave them, is to make another person completely dependent on them Like children or a partner with low self-esteem, in both cases they will contantly "attack" the other's sense of self by a number of small but efficient tatics I recomend reading about those tatics since they are more common than we would like (triangulation, gaslighting, and others) They will destroy you and pretend it was your fault, and then help you They will make you feel that you are not enough alone and that you need their help They will make you feel guilty for not being grateful, they will force you to admire them they will trap and psicologically torture you this video just show someone who is a little too self-centered, its not narcisism

[@alyssae7517]

Exactly! This video is uninformed and is going to make people question themselves unnecessarily

[@inthedetails5467]

This *is* what covert narcissism is though. Narcissism, covert and overt, is defined by its deficits in self image, coping mechanisms, social functioning, and awareness- all of which the protagonist suffers with. A covert narcissist experiences grandiosity in private because deep down they think they are more special, misunderstood, or unfairly wronged by the world- that is their grandiosity. It doesn’t have to mean thinking they are “better” than others- the classical/overt definition we think of when we think of what a narcissist is. (Pathological) narcissism isn’t defined by its behavior because in one way or another we all have acted in ways that are narcissistic. If that were the case, babies would be the most narcissistic being in existence. Instead, it is defined by the underlying and usually unconscious patterns, beliefs, and motivations. Of which the protagonist has, even the ending while seemingly implied to be a cliffhanger actually shows the repeating self-fulfilling prophecy cycle of self-sabotage narcissists suffer from because he’s unwilling (and unable) to self reflect to change.

[@Yaardennchuuk]

Everything described in the video is me, like my whole life. And I hate it, but cannot stop. I don't mean to ramble to people and be so self-centered, but idk. I don't know how to stop. I promise I don't mean any harm tho, I just get wrapped up in myself.

[@alyssae7517]

@@inthedetails5467 Covert narcissists still think they're better than other people. That's a fundamental part of narcissism

[@tmoney6128]

Well this just made me more confused after watching it and reading the comments. All this shit is symptoms of a million different things and more likely to cause people to self diagnose themselves and that's dangerous..

[@AngryBilleh]

Sometimes you have to disconnect with people because they just won't understand you

[@alucardvfx9357]

its no ones obligation to understand you

[@thoth_amon]

@@alucardvfx9357 if they constantly take everything the wrong way, having a community of people who are similar is kind of important, depends on your environment

[@jessesdomain444]

​@@alucardvfx9357it is their obligation to be polite though

[@wiIIiamfancyson]

​@@alucardvfx9357 1. they didn't say that, and it doesn't make what they said less true. you sometimes have to disconnect from people who misunderstand you 2. it is _your_ obligation to understand you

[@davidgreenwood6029]

"Isolation is a gift. All the others are test of your endurance" - Bukowski. He also said to fear those who cannot be alone. Those are the real narcissists, those that cannot sit in their own skin without someone else

[@azayzelderegis1655]

I’m so tired of pop psychology-people will label anyone that they personally don’t like “a narcissist”. They don’t even know what that word means, or what NPD truly looks like. It’s insulting to those of us who have been victims of actual narcissists. And NPD is only found in 0.5% of the population. So no, every neighbor and coworker that you don’t like is not a narcissist, Bethany.

[@igi-risu]

While I wholeheartedly agree way too many people accuse others of narcissism because of trivial fights or petty disputes, I think there’s a lot more narcissists in the world than we realise. Narcissism is on a spectrum and is more than just the covert and overt type. I think when it specifically comes to covert narcissism, because they mask so well it’s difficult to distinguish IF, let’s say a narcissist is actually in therapy, but not with good intent.

[@dv5632]

@@igi-risuvery true. Our society praises and breeds narcissism.

[@dv5632]

@@igi-risua lot of narcs don’t seek help as they don’t see themselves as having a problem. Hit it right on the nail

[@patrickconrad396]

Right? Bethany is such narcissist... swear

[@11regnartseht]

You left out the second number. It's 0.5% to 5% (with some studies suggesting as high as 7%). That means if you know 100 people it's likely at least 2 of them are narcissists.

[@Drunkenvirtue]

My name is Maria, I’m a narcissist but I didn’t realize it until fairly recently, as I started going to therapy. It’s been great but also awful and this video made me feel a little better. I’ve been watching your videos for years now and have read all your books, I even own the navy blue perception hoodie you released a few years back, I’ve worn it so much it is literally my most worn out hoodie. Your content has always been a catalyst for change for me and even pushed me to pursue academic philosophy as a hobby. Thank you for the work you put out into the world, I honestly don’t think I’d be half the person I am today if I hadn’t discovered your channel when I did.

[@popeyespizza330]

Wonderful on you for wanting to be a better person. 🫶 You seem very intelligent and kind.

[@cameronvadnais4388]

Like, you have NPD? What's that like?

[@DevoidVoid]

Awesome comment. Glad you're seemingly taking charge of you're existence 🖤

[@Mimi-ts9tq]

Your comment sucks

[@Drunkenvirtue]

​@@cameronvadnais4388 Initially BPD that evolved into NPD with borderline traits. As I have gotten older, I started being less able to show empathy or remorse and I started making more rational decisions. My experiences with BPD created a sort of counter conditioning where, in order to avoid the pain caused by interpersonal relationships as a result of the violence of my emotions, I started seeing others as less important so that I wouldn't feel so influenced by anyone outside of me. I had constantly exposed emotional nerves, I felt everything so strongly. The decision to distance myself from anything that could make me feel unpredictable feelings was a rational one, but I didn't realize it would make me so narcissistic. As someone with BPD I was a narcissist the whole time anyway, everything was always about me, I always overestimated my importance in other people's lives and felt felt like everyone either loved me or hate me. But then as I got older, I realized people weren't going to put up with my shit much longer I stopped having outbursts and became an overachiever, I started thinking I was above emotions, I was rational and driven and perfect, and I derived genuine pleasure from being emotionally distant from anyone who wanted to get close to me. I used people up. It’s strange because, for the most part, I didn’t even really know I was being narcissistic. I felt strongly identified with my BPD because I always felt like even the change in my personality was meant to be a spiteful message to people I felt had wronged me. In my mind everyone else was the enemy, they all laughed at me, and mistreated me, and none of my friends actually liked me and I had just created a coping mechanism by being cold and distant, but I surely wasn't being narcissistic and I surely wasn't doing anything wrong. So yeah I do have NPD, and for the most part I didn't know. The thing is, when you have a personality disorder or a mental illness you don't really know what it is like to not have it. I have my own subjective experience of things and that's all I've ever known, and my core beliefs were developed by a mix of experiences, actions and reactions that I am mostly not aware of. Like everyone else I have a personal narrative, every time I make a judgment or a choice or act in any way, I am referencing that personal narrative in combination with my emotional state to decide how I will act, what kind of person I am going to be. In my case I am mostly a narcissistic idiot who likes to overthink, with that knowledge in hand I have a duty to change. That's how it feels.

[@Rain-z4n]

Being aware of your problems doesn't always mean you're growing. To really change and connect with others, you need to focus less on yourself and more on genuine effort and understanding.

[@amylovemyart]

This covert narcissism sounds kinda like depression. The constant self-loathing and obsession of sadness.. reminded me of myself when I was severely depressed. All I could think of is how much I hate myself. The negative energy I was spreading to everyone around me which led to me isolating myself from others. But it's like I couldn't do anything to stop thinking about my on sadness and own worthlessness. It made me incredibly selfish but i didn't know how to stop it.

[@dailyrepsofficial]

Covert narcissism hides behind a mask of humility. As Carl Jung noted, 'People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.' Recognizing this behavior is key to protecting your energy and aligning with your true self.

[@usernamesta3334]

Which yung book ? Or just spoken?

[@SkysMomma]

@@dailyrepsofficial narcissism does not as a matter of course hide behind a mask of humility - at some point, whether in public or private, narcissists express their belief that they are better than everyone else. The character in this video never expresses that belief.

[@Brandwein42]

So, the solution to people thinking about themselves too much, is to analyse themselves and think about their behavior, so what they tried to do in the first place? Make it make sense.

[@mainman3941]

​@@SkysMomma all people are not equal is that true or not?

[@SkysMomma]

@@mainman3941 Not sure in what sense you mean “not equal.” People are the same in some ways and different in other ways. In an ideal world, people should be valued and treated equally as human beings, but when people do harm, then they should be stopped and they should have consequences. So, when that happens, they are not treated equally, but for an important reason - to protect others and hopefully so they might learn to treat others with value, which ideally includes equality, although it’s not possible to treat everyone with exact equality, even if everyone were motivated to do so, because of varying degrees of resources.

[@mikehanrahan5559]

Don't even read this but I got invited to a birthday party in middle school, which was a big deal for me (i didnt have many friends), only to find out a few weeks later that I was only invited because the kid felt awkward that I was in the room and overheard him talking about the party. Thanks for listening

[@JokerGamin67]

wtff😭😭

[@Shigginjigz]

What a weird way to discover you were a narcissist in your early 20s prior to therapy. It has been 10 yrs but it hits home.

[@sech-mash]

Or…just maybe hear me out…the narcissist was the friends we made along the way

[@anukwa531]

Hold yourself accountable my love. Maybe you and your friends are narcissistic.

[@theculturewatch2414]

Not funny 🤣🤣🤣

[@isaiahcabrera9883]

Does this video sound like u?

[@AbbyLaporte]

Hahahahah yo, thiiiis

[@DanielleCapichano]

12:34 "You weaponize your misery against others." Holy shoot, mic drop there.

[@JitkaDohnalováMirka93]

Covert narcissism can be so subtle and hard to recognize, yet it has a profound impact on relationships. Thanks for shedding light on this unsettling aspect of psychology.

[@yonahandthefail]

I think I might be a covert narcissist and have thought so for a while now. Since my mid 30s, and I'm 43 now. It's really hard to try to heal from, I think because it's so deeply embedded in severe trauma, for me at least. And being autistic, for me, also complicates it because I'm incredibly isolated from other people inside myself, but that's been a choice I've repeatedly made because other people are hard and hard is hard. And change is slow. But my relationships have been steadily improving, and I think I'm feeling less of that alienating woe that seems to occur whenever I have been a self-centered jerk whose actions rightly make others feel hurt. By my metrics, not hurting others is a definite measure of success, however slow or difficult this lesson has been. 👍

[@YousefAlabbasHamidaddin]

Thanks for your wisdom.

[@fiddleburg5520]

I was raised by an abusive and bipolar women who placed me on a pedestal far above my two siblings. The seeds of narcissism and selfishness that planted in my brain have been a struggle to fight against. Thank you for making this video, it painted things in a way that has helped me further understand the unfortunate subconscious tendencies that trouble me. I will not let this information go to waste

[@NationalPK]

As a covert narcissist, the worst of it is being aware of being a narcissist but making the internal decision to use that as another reason for self deprecation and self pity while masquerading it from others… there just seems to be nothing that can change you

[@Hristaquis]

Storytelling is very practical! Introducing psychological concepts and behaviors through examples really makes it easier to self-reflect on and empathise. Thank you for another video.

[@EtherTheReal]

Whoever you are Pursuit of Wonder, these videos are very enlightening and im always in awe in how concise and simple you present complex topics. On top of that the solutions you propose are almost painfully obvious after you presented them. Love your videos and insights!

[@JonathanGonzalez-wv8mc]

Yikes, this video had me crying. You described my entire life and the way that I feel. I was recently diagnosed with a personality disorder. Specifically borderline with hints of narcissism, or so the therapist tells me. I’m aware of it, I’ve known it my whole life. There really isn’t much hope of it getting better. All it does is just ruin my relationships with others. Anyways, point I wanna make is that you’re spot on with explaining the life of a narcissist

[@Luna.Corvus.Curiosities]

There is hope of getting better but it takes a LOT of hard work.

[@maleturtle4040]

10:53 🗣️🔊HE LIT UP A CIGARETTE(I like how you said this)

[@emmanuelweinman9673]

I love how much this story resonates with my own early growth. It’s truly an amazing feeling experiencing how we are never completely better than anyone else, because everyone is part of everyone else… we can just be better relatively ❤😉

[@Badyours]

boogie2988 gonna think this video was made because of him 💀

[@RoachDoggJr42069]

*fatly nods dumb head* "MHM, YUP. I'M BROKEN. I'M A MESS. I'M A COVERT NARCCISIST AND EVERYONE HATES ME BECAUSE I MAKE SUCH STUPID MISTAKES 🤪🤪🤪"

[@Bobbcat99099]

I grew up just like Talon with my grandparents but I grew up to not think so much about myself vs. others. This solidified that I am not a full narcissist. Talon’s life sounds EXHAUSTING. Today is a good day.

[@BB-fo5mr]

One of the hottest topics nowadays (especially on youtube) - “narcissism”. It is actually very complex in many cases, and most people have no idea what it is or isn’t ...even with the all the help from supposed experts on youtube (making fortunes off their videos) who have degrees or credentials. It can be very tricky, and I believe most people don’t understand it (along with other Cluster B disorders). Many “professionals” in the field either don’t understand the intricacies themselves (as well as they think they do) or they themselves ARE narcissists (or worse), but most never suspect it because they are the ones who are educated in the field and are ostensibly empathetic and caring. That profession is a position of power (almost like no other). People gravitate towards such a profession for a reason. If you think it's merely to “help others”, you are sorely mistaken. Everyone is on a scale of narcissism. It is far more complex than it seems. Narcissism, narcissistic, and narcissist are different. Try not to conflate. Most I have ever come across who think they aren’t narcissistic, are actually very narcissistic (or they are narcissists) and have low consciousness. But we all are on a scale of narcissism, whether we like it or not...don’t be narcissistic and think you are exempt...

[@vain.a]

based

[@jeanvaljean4218]

Way to type a lot of words to say pretty much nothing. Your whole post could be summed up with "it's complicated". I guess your narcissism compelled you to stroke yourself in public like this with clever sounding phrases, which really amount to nothing except vague accusations to nobody in particular and the impression of a superior position to said nobodies ( most people have no idea, most people don't understand it, many "professional" etc).

[@johnsmith-pm1qe]

@@jeanvaljean4218 ironically, your comment says nothing. You actually just used your own comment to project banality onto his comment, when in fact it's YOUR comment which is empty. It just makes shallow accusations against a person who isn't striving to do any of what you accuse. What use would it be to leave a comment saying of narcissism 'i think peoples understanding of it is incomplete, it's more complicated than they think'. You might as well not even comment at all. Hes not intending to discuss narcissism itself, hes discussing the culture which surrounds it, whos central feature might be to reduce complex phenomenon into pop psychology and also the tendency of narcissistic obsessed communities to vilify narcissists so stridently so as to make it appear as though themselves are without any fault - the people constantly whining about narcissism exhibit a kind of narcissism or at very least pathology, but don't see it.

[@jeanvaljean4218]

@@johnsmith-pm1qe My comment said his comment said nothing by pointing out its lack of substance and underlining the tone of superiority (which is associated with narcissism which I used as an ironic jab) I substantiated every accusation with examples. Your bloated reply to basically repeat his "it's complicated guys!" argument is as vacuous as his initial post.

[@yunggatz6638]

@@jeanvaljean4218LMFAOOO I adore how everyone’s just accusing eachother of being narcissist 🤣 meanwhile they like “could never be me tho 🙂‍↔️” 😂😂😂

[@damagedbae]

… wow. Wowowwowowow. This is a masterpiece. I love including the side story of the sister with the same problems . Same parent , she was able to talk his language, this is beautiful.

[@libera7161]

Thx for this story. I think this is the first time I see a video in which Narcissm isn't depicted as feeling superior. I already realized that it is actually being too busy with yourself that you don't notice how other people feel or how what you do and say effect them! Everyone has a little bit of narcissism in them, we just have to learn to actually being so much in our own head and listen from time to time.

[@anniew.4467]

One thing most people should understand before labeling everyone or others as narcissists is that it is always for everyone about them! Even if we do altruistic stuff, it is about us as we want to feel good about what we do. Having a narcissistic trait does not make them narcissists; they just might be a bit self-centered (or a "bit" more, lol). Feeling bad about what we had to experience in our childhood is normal. No person in this world hasn't endured hardships or experienced stuff that took them off their feet. It always boils down to how well we can mask and cope with that stuff. The video captures how many of us feel, as we can relate to the story or maybe understand what is going on in them. Doing a self-journaling exercise might be a good way to improve our lives. I, however, recommend having someone to talk about it, too.

[@joesr31]

This is one of my greatest fear tbh, sometimes I realise I talk too much about me and try to bring the topic back to others but it just feels awkward

[@JustSlightly]

I was a bit worried watching this video until I went to the comments, and realized that having narcissistic traits is a normal thing, and is very different from having a narcissistic personality disorder.

[@napalmsunday]

This is well put together. Very interesting.

[@deuterium4.028]

ok I put this on because I couldn't fall asleep and your voice is soothing but you're actually so evil because I had to pause it mid way rn and write a comment about how you've literally got me jaw on the floor shocked how you've literally described who I am down to the tiniest details and background and all and I'm low-key scared to keep watching I'm not even joking. I've never realised this. am I a narcissist??? be so fr with me rn 😭😭😭 it's 1 am I just want to sleep

[@Lbhjbugugygy]

I don’t think you are a narcissist, I think this describes someone who has struggled deeply and paints them in a not so good light. It is more someone who hates themselves and is struggling with that. (In my opinion)

[@nancycorbeil2666]

This is not narcissism, it's low self-esteem and depression. A covert narcissist plays the victim and tries to guilt other people into being nice to them. If, for example, someone says something like "I'm such a loser" to someone else, and the other person doesn't react in any way, a low-self esteem person will think it's their own fault, that they are indeed a loser; a narcissist will often get angry and push further "So, you really think I'm a loser, right? Nothing I do is ever good enough for you, right?" etc. You know you're dealing with a narcissist when you get blamed for things you didn't say, think, or do.

[@coffee_jelly7452]

This helps... I have a few friends (some are ex-friends I guess) who kind of remind me of Talon. The self-deprecation, the negative background talk, and seemingly stuck in this helpless mindset. And indeed, no one tells them. Out of fear of hurting them. I've ruined a friendship with one before when I had enough of his victim mindset and snapped at him. I wasn't like Maria though. She was sharp. Direct. Perhaps I was too young to do so. Now, I know better.

[@LawrenceChung]

Wow. It hurts listening to this. I'm not a narcissist but has BPD and I can see some deep resemblance in myself with talent, especially on the self loathing part 🙈

[@AnointaJames]

Everyone is a narcissist. It's how you channel it to do better for yourself in your personal life. It's actually pretty simple. Most people just fail to believe in it.

[@masterjb54321]

This was great! Much better understanding of the topic, thanks as always!!

[@nihilisticgacha]

I am one. I’m also aware of this behaviour. Now I try to isolate myself socially and never make friends and talk about hating myself. I keep the self-hatred to myself. And I hope to go away for good silently.

[@chrisbenoit5044]

The discovery of psychedelics as a mental health treatment is a groundbreaking achievement. Their ability to alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety is nothing short of astonishing. On a personal note, they have been a lifesaver, helping me overcome challenges that once seemed insurmountable.

[@xx_-love-mags354]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@ejmabrothers6743]

Yes, dr.porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@AfkAliaga]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@xx_-love-mags354]

Is he on instagram?

[@ejmabrothers6743]

Yes he is dr.porassss

[@tennisobsessed25]

Man...here I am a 32 year old and this hit me like a ton of bricks. So much of this I've been realizing and dealing with for the last 5 years. Lately everyday I've been telling myself that I'm not special, I'm not different. Nobody really cares that much about me because everyone has there own problems. Its helped bring much more peace to my mind.

[@helfrandalson2288]

I am the best. Do NOT listen to that other guy.

[@MatthewSmith-zx6uk]

Thank you for this insight. ...For this reminder.

[@28-nitashagoyal30]

I am just like Talon, a narcissist, obsessed with myself and my failures. I am sad as I realize I don't even want to improve myself. I like being miserable and I am comfortable with my sadness and loneliness now. I don't think I want to get out of it.

[@dontask7657]

Maybe um, go to therapy

[@tiwiogunye]

As long as you are not dragging other people down with you, you're good.

[@foetus_5936]

Same, but I find myself uncomfortable when I remember the expectations people have put in me, I can barely stand the sadness and guilt It makes me want to dissapear or I wish the expectations dissapeared so I don't have to reach any of them

[@GeekLemon]

I thought his name was talent. I'm not a native speaker

[@Noivryn]

I felt like this then I got the therapy I needed and life became so much better

[@christopherjacoby4089]

This short video just changed my entire perspective on self loathing

[@stendaalcartography3436]

Basically, everyone poops. You gotta wipe your own butt. Don't come to people about your butt when you can help yourself. You're worth of help, care and love. Be your best friend first and help yourself, then all other relationships will be a breeze.

[@I_the_Taco]

so therapists are useless? everyone with problems should just help themselves

[@I_the_Taco]

I get what you're trying to say but that's just incorrect. everyone should TRY to help themselves, but should steer away from pushing problems onto people excessively without thinking of their feelings first.

[@stendaalcartography3436]

@@I_the_Taco That's because you misread/misunderstood me Taco. We're saying the same thing.

[@stendaalcartography3436]

@@I_the_Taco You see, the phrase "when you can help yourself" meaning when are not able to help yourself, by all means, you should get professional help, aka therapist. duh.

[@I_the_Taco]

@@stendaalcartography3436 oh mb my eyes seemed to have skimmed past the third sentence for some reason

[@Pewwwdiepie_2]

This video tremendeously helped me in gaining a new perspective of my insecurities. Thank you, thank you so much

[@vulpinemachine]

Literally everyone in the comments talking to each other rn: "No! YOU'RE the narcissist."

[@Brother_In_Christ]

I'll take one for the team and end the cycle. I'm the narcissist.

[@alexicon2006]

I respect that. And Im one too for the record btw. Nothing for me to be ashamed about as the intensity of it is as normal as it gets.​@@Brother_In_Christ

[@jofler7441]

@@Brother_In_Christ no, WE are narcissists. A fine community.

[@Brother_In_Christ]

@@alexicon2006 nah, I was joking. I don't think I am one because I focus on other people when I am around them and I actually prefer it if I don't have to talk about myself much. I'd say it's fine to be a narcissist if you're not hurting anyone in any capacity. I'm curious as to why you think you're a narcissist in your opinion though.

[@alexicon2006]

@@Brother_In_Christ Thats valid ngl. As for me I think Im one because I constantly worry whether Im being too self-centered in any interaction, and end up being more self centered afterwards because of that anyways by focusing on my own social restraint. Really paradoxical stuff to be honest. Crazy.

[@Maleantillo]

I was once very miserable, experiencing a period of deep depression and self-loathing too, this video helped me realize that I wasn't alone in my narcissistic and depressive episode. Thankfully, I am better now and have learned that life doesn’t have to be that way and I can always change for the better. However, I still struggle to fully understand that I might have displayed narcissistic behaviors while also trying to take care of myself. I can't deny that I have some responsibilities, but, throughout my life people have called me a narcissist for distancing myself from situations or people that don't align with my moral values or for taking actions to genuinely care for myself without disregarding others. So yeah, I still struggle to walk on that line between humble and narcissist and I wish to one day become a more altruistic and understanding person.

[@tmftt9087]

The financial ruin of getting in a car crash doesn’t compute outside the US.

[@driftyv]

Wow this is literally me, and i only recently became aware of how insufferable my behaviors are to others

[@driftyv]

my dad is a prime example of a classic abusive narcissist, and I resent him with everything, but I feel like I am becoming him and I can’t fathom the idea of living the miserable hateful life my dad has. He honestly was born into a shitty family with a abusive father too, but he never changed his ways. Writing this I am realizing what they mean by breaking the cycle lol.

[@alvinliaw7222]

I know the thought experiment in this story is well and pure but a kid in elementary school probably wouldn’t use the word “overwhelmed”

[@NWPaul72]

A precocious kid working a teacher might. Adults are so relieved when a child can describe big feelings with words that they'll accept a child's diagnosis. When I was a kid I got a lot of miles out of "depressed."

[@thoseradstars]

⁠@@NWPaul72 My guess is Alvin’s not met the kid who asked the nurse for a sleeping pill before the flu shot at 8 years of age, “because the trypanophobia will cause me to pass out anyway and at least this way I won’t have to be awake for the shot.” Beyond the relief at my academic achievements (something which required little effort from me), my caregivers no doubt perceived me to be an impish and insufferable child many times.

[@chinoolaguer4078]

Thank you so much for making this video! So informative and accurate with several people I've met

[@GvDoe]

Great video.. I lowkey felt called out. But I definitely learnt something.

[@HungryHungryDude]

I am so glad that I watched this all the way through. That ending was great.

[@logicake]

I've never thought of this idea that narcissism can also mean hating yourself too much based on that you "focus so much on yourself" and not others. The fact that i spend a tremendous amount of my time looking at myself in all these self-hatred things could be the reason why I feel isolated at times. This video truly did a fantastic job on how to teach me this, and you have my love for making these contents.

[@SkysMomma]

The character in this video is not a narcissist. This video is very incorrect. There must be arrogance to qualify as narcissism - that is the. central part of the definition. Simply not being able to focus enough on others bcs you feel so bad about yourself does not qualify as arrogance, which is the opposite. Arrogance is thinking you are better than everyone else.

[@KevinPilsbury]

Definitely see myself in this. Thanks for the wake up call.

[@scarlettrose1634]

This story didn't describe any maladaptive narcissistic behaviors. While covert narcissism can present as suffering, this story just describes an emotionally suffering person, painted in a negative light.

[@morsel6543]

I love the way this was made. It makes it so much easier to understand. It feels very familiar in myself and a couple of relationships. I'm happy to say things do get better ❤

[@chinookvalley]

How do we know what we are? I see myself as a shy narcissist. My family, friends, and therapists say I am an overly sensitive empath. I care about Nature waaaay more than humans. I have had a full life, but I hope not at the expense of others. Politics, religion, and greed is killing me. When I see what we are capable of vs what we are doing to each other, the planet, and ALL other lifeforms, I am horrified at the human race. Aren't we put here to serve as stewards, not killers?

[@Musical_parks]

Thank you for existing. We need more people using their hearts here on earth because that’s what it’s all about and just that energy alone does so much you don’t even know. Keep connecting to that energy and let it guide you ❤

[@NWPaul72]

What if Jesus' stepdad had been a landscaper instead of a carpenter? Coaxing nature instead of forcing it into shape? A certain level of ego, i.e. knowing your value, is necessary for survival. There really is only one you, especially to you. Just because your position could be filled doesn't mean you're replaceable, it means that that job is you-shaped for now. No one can step in and fill the space you occupy in your family or community, that's up to you. No one else knows what you know or feels the way you do about it. Once you've internalized that, realize you're not so special that you get a pass. Just try to be special enough to deserve the resources you consume and the waste you leave and that's good enough. Oh, and I don't think we were put here, I think we find ourselves here and none of us asked for it. So be kind.

[@garimasikka10]

I relate to you so much. 🥺🥺🥺

[@godspeedhero3671]

You're holding all of Humanity in your mind to the tenants of a value system you entirely made up yourself and getting upset over it?

[@ns-ts1jz]

You are a narcissist

[@Hvelcar]

Your conte4nt is so FREAKING AMAZING BRO, its art, its pure art... and i can tell you that because im a cinematography student so i know what art is, and this is PURELY FANTASTIC!!! PLEASE KEEP POSTING I LOVE YOU BRO

[@StretchOnYT]

Well this came to be at the right time for me

[@fuyunghay4214]

I felt very similar to Talon. Though maybe there are some difference like that I don’t have enough self confidence to begin to talk about my problems with other people (even with my best friends) I always try to keep my problems to myself, but I know it will keep eating at me. I try to make myself look like a normal person that has 0 problems, that everything in my life is going the way I wanted, I always lied to other people and to myself by saying that. But when I do find a person that would listen to my negative ramblings, I too would just trauma dump all of my problems to that person, talking as if I’m the most miserable human being on earth. One day that person snaps after I repeatedly just talking about my negative emotions and experiences. They basically said, “at what point will you stop blaming everything and everyone else for your problems?”. “Why do you just dwell on your problems and almost never take accountability and fix them instead?”. After hearing that valid and constructive criticism, I didn’t take that advice in a good way and instead I felt attacked. What once was an interaction about me being vulnerable turned into an argument just because I can’t take criticism. After that person stopped talking to me, only then I realized that maybe I do have issues with myself and unresolved trauma. Only then I realized that thinking solely about myself made me not empathetic to other people and their problems, and hurt them instead.

[@mayonster4798]

4:35 "do you still talk to her?" my mind immediatly thinks about the talk tuah podcast. im genuinely cooked 😭

[@ruec1d]

not even christian but find god

[@arycogito]

TALK TUAH REFERENCE ‼️‼️‼️‼️😍😍🫂🫂🦅🦅🦅🦅 IT'S LIKE THAT FUNNY MEME CALLED HAWK TUAH SPIT ON THAT THANG LOL!!1!!! YOUR SIR HAVE WON THE INTERNET!1!!!😝😝😂😂😂😂(im unaliving myself tonight)

[@BobbyDeBanshee]

@@arycogito Oh honey

[@hydrix6419]

I feel like i related too hard with this story, and it really, actually opened my eyes. Thank you

[@dadofmma]

I have a friend who always is negative, he doesnt give a shit about others, he just wants to complain about his life as he continues to ruin his own life then blames everyone but himself for his actions. Its always the worlds fault and everytime someone doesmt give in to his shit then he complains that of course the world is like this, its our fault and we are all the same for telling him the truth which is to work on yourself.

[@wert1897]

Do interactions with him feel like a minefield? I'm sorry, but the only way to get rid of him is to leave him and his bullshit. Read up on concept of narcissistic supply. See what happens when you try to leave.

[@janeapproximately]

That's like my mom

[@jameseddleman6944]

The story feels a bit like mine, but I ended up with DiD. I was hit by lightning as a kid, I didn't even know at the time. When it happened, I just blacked out and woke up in the mud, had no idea until later that it was a bolt that hit a pole, traveled through the wet ground, and hit me that way. I started to draw more after that, and today, I consider myself an artist. Growing up as an artist was difficult because while I was over the immaturity around nudity, my peers were not and even the adults around me would stop me from practicing. I had to make up a god complex so that it could defend me in these times. Whenever people ask me "what are you drawing?" Without thinking I switch to this personality and I end up sounding annoyed or uninterested in conversation. Its hard to tell people that the "cold shoulders" I give are a fabrication. They feel genuine to them.

[@rogierfrederiks8420]

I knew a guy like this in uni. I always found him to be really annoying. This was like 9 years ago. 2 years ago I started dating this girl, and she was semi-stalked by him on facebook. Didn't surprise me at all.

[@WilliamScott-ge4oh]

I found myself relating to a lot of this story. Through middle school and high school, I think I was a lot like Talon. I always just thought it was depression, that was the diagnoses I had after all. I think there can be a fine line between depression and covert narcissism, perhaps in some ways they are intertwined. I realize now that I wasn't just opening up to people about my struggles, I also expected a certain kind of response from them. If I didn't get the response I wanted, I'd self-deprecate more, effectively using it as a weapon to guilt trip them. I had my wakeup call a few years back, my closest friends got fed up with me and left. Through a combination of treatment for my depression and a change in mindset, I have become a much better person than I was back then. I still struggle with feelings of emptiness and loneliness sometimes, but I have better coping mechanisms now that don't involve dragging others down or fishing for sympathy. Change is possible, but it takes a lot of work.

[@cyantwo936]

Why is everybody and their dog suddenly an expert in identifying narcissism😂

[@jonathanwoodvincent]

dogs are evolving

[@Sleepycollegestudent]

Pop psychology and its consequences…

[@papabird4425]

Narcissism isn't even real.

[@fcmiller3]

@@papabird4425we aren’t even real

[@NWPaul72]

It's been on the table daily for the last ten years?

[@Kastelt]

This video is actually a call-out and that phrase Maria said felt personal, not going to lie.

[@doomedcells5994]

You CANNOT end a video about pathological self-awareness with a message about how self-awareness SHOULD be used so you can be better. Actually wild

[@Fadethat]

The quality. It’s so high. The storytelling. So good. Maybe I’m just high