Q&A on my Last Visit Before Estranging video- including why didn't I stand up for myself?

[@7SideWays]

I didn't leave to teach you a lesson, I left because I learned mine. Quiet and quick worked for me.

[@chriscaspian2280]

Brilliant

[@axxxingforanswers4648]

Gonna save this...excellent.

[@lisetravis]

I love this!

[@joerudnik9290]

Very smart.

[@whatsup848]

Not sure that method would work for this lady.

[@tinawhite8835]

Two thoughts: People who have never lived in a home with narcissist/sociopathic people truly have no idea what it's like. Even when we describe it to them, we sound a little crazy. We simply cannot describe crazy without sounding crazy. Second, narcissists will support each other as well as gleefully taking pot shots at random victims of other narcissists. Kudos to you for being able to recognize these people, it's a wisdom that is hard earned.

[@ThePossumone]

You are right When you try to describe crazy you do sound crazy And you have to live it to understand it 😢

[@ShelleyPorter-g3y]

I so agree. Sometimes if I talk about what my sister would do to me (as an adult, never mind the kid stuff!) it sounds absolutely crazy! I always told my children that the abnormal becomes the norm. Now that I am no contact for 10 years I realize I grew up in the abnormal and didn't know it my entire life!

[@alymshep]

This is exceptionally well-stated

[@joerudnik9290]

Except some children are ‘favored’ by the narcissistic parent(s) and ‘they’ can do no wrong. The enjoy their parents protection and encouragement.

[@tinawhite8835]

@@joerudnik9290 Yes, but they are still controlled by the narcissist parent(s) with the implicit threat of being treated like the 'problem' child should they not go along with, or live up to expectations. No one goes unscathed. Unfortunately, the 'golden' child often takes the lessons learned to heart to also become a narcissist.

[@Mindyhartwick]

I was married to a narcissist and people don’t understand that they beat you down to a point where you just accept their behavior because if you push back you are “overreacting .” They blame you for your reaction to their bad behavior. They never take accountability. They are never at fault. Most importantly, they never change, so you either put up with it or cut them off. There is no middle ground.

[@lizzyfolks9116]

Actually, there is. I’m not proud of this, but to survive my father’s misogyny and narcissism, I decided to abandon all love for him at the age of 11 y.o. when I was about to drink poison to get away from the pain. Yes, at 11. I stood at the basement cupboard for about 5 minutes, holding the bottle in my hands, when I decided that asshole wasn’t going to beat me. So, I put the bottle back and spent the next 26 years being silent and quietly hating him, but with a purpose: my father had money, so I just took the abuse with full knowledge of why I was- for my inheritance (which turned out to be more than most would expect). I needed it for the education to be independent. When he died, I did not cry; but I still bawl over my mother’s passing.

[@sharonthompson672]

My abusive ex to a tee. He was initially charmed by my quirky, idiosyncratic self. Then annoyed, embarrassed, derisive. So I slowly changed to suit him, but it was never good enough, so I became a robot, an automaton, a reflection of everything he said he wanted of me, then it was a punch list of things I had to fix about myself before I 'd be "good enough" for him to marry. Meanwhile he's cheating on me, and what the hell was HE bringing to the table??? I had to deprogram myself and parent myself and learn how to be an adult myself.

[@Mindyhartwick]

@ exactly! It took me quite a while to find myself again, but I will never be the same person I was before I married him.

[@leslieorth3602]

Unfortunately I understand

[@Knittinginmytaxi]

So true! My mother is very narcissistic and I believe has other mental health issues. She was very emotionally & physically abusive. Then I went on to marry 3 times to narcissistic men. Because that's what I knew, that was my normal. I was so beaten down emotionally at that point that I have been alone now for many years because of trust issues.

[@amadahyrose]

I told myself for 47 years that if I could find the magic formula to make my mom love me then all would be well. When her abuse and intolerable behavior toward my children began, that finished it. I gave her fair warning and she took it as a challenge and ramped up her behavior. I went no contact. Doing so was no easy task -- I was bedridden for a week, with massive hives, and panic attacks. People who have never experienced this horror cannot imagine why we must do what we can to survive, even as it hurts so much and goes against what we would wish. So sorry for your experience. So glad for your taking care of yourself. 💕

[@109carlyle]

I thought the same. I hope you find peace!

[@axelrobertsson9008]

I did not find the magic formula either. Just had to accept that she is uncapable to have healthy relationships and all my efforts disappeared into a black hole. I totally agree with you - people just do not understand. And to be honest, it is really hard for me to grasp the reality of functioning, healthy families too.

[@cellosong]

Yes, the narcissists don't think twice about abusing children. Of course, she targeted your children. My mother did the same because she was jealous on the close relationship my father had with my daughter. My advice for others is - don't EVER allow your children in close proximity to a narcissist.

[@gladiammgtow4092]

A friend of mine moved interstate due to his Mother doing this. She started to put down his twin daughters with putdowns and slights, the cycle was starting to repeat itself. This is a women in her early 70's at the time putting down two kids around 8 years of age.

[@skyval7926]

​@@gladiammgtow4092 I had the same thing and the heartbreaking memory of watching my mother destroy my little boy's happiness will never leave my mind . How can there be so much evil in a human being ?

[@lizryan6289]

Anyone who says your parents were not at fault is victim blaming. YOU were the victim of the entire family. Glad you are free.

[@deborahfraser9325]

I'll add this: Hans Christian Anderson told the story of "The Ugly Duckling" and it is instructive on how we can change the story of our lives. Consider that you are a Swan in a Duck Family; the swan egg that rolled into a Duck nest. No matter what, you are never going to be a Duck and those ducks are never going to be Swans. As such, once you accept that you are a Swan and they are the Ducks, it becomes a whole hell of a lot easier to leave the Ducks behind and you go find the Swans who are your true people and where you really belong. No guilt, no shame, no more hurt. Dry your tears, take a deep breath, and go be the best Swan in the pond. Go find your people. I hope this helps. From a fellow Swan.

[@sharonthompson672]

Beautifully expressed.

[@joerudnik9290]

Excellent, that’s something to remember!!!😊

[@ohdear2275]

Lovely! Thank you for sharing this.

[@tamiewert808]

Chess, you are a highly intelligent individual, and please do not take these random commenters personally! These are likely bots or trolls whose only job is to sew hate, insecurities and discourse! Delete delete delete do not feed the trolls!!

[@Hope8x28]

Just because people disagree or have an opposing opinion doesn't mean they are trolls or bots.

[@DonnaMarieArtist]

@@Hope8x28 huh? did you hear what they said? Trying to inflict hurt is a troll..maybe you have no business being here yourself and need some self reflection on what you just posted

[@BunsenHoneydew001]

​​@@Hope8x28 Personal attacks are not opinions. Also, this is meant to be a place of healing for Chess and for the other people watching who have struggled with narcissist families and the dynamics of going LC/NC. If you're not here to be supportive or learn, then I can assume your intentions are to upset people. When I read your comment, the first thing I thought is that you're one of those narcissists that everyone on here is trying to heal from.

[@rl453]

@@Hope8x28I think that if you aren’t trolling you didn’t watch the video. These were obviously not “opposing opinions”. I am autistic and have learned (mostly) how to state opposing opinions without being cruel. Many of these were purposely cruel. If you watched the video then you knew that. There were a few that may have been information seeking by people who have never experienced growing up in this type of family. She answered those questions gracefully.

[@sharonthompson672]

​@@BunsenHoneydew001 Spot on. 👍

[@vickiunterberger7093]

I was raised hearing “Vicky, if you would just keep your mouth shut, everything would be fine.“ I feel your pain.

[@avj6033]

My father used to say: „Think, before you speak.“ And when I finally (after many years) said to him, that I was thinking before I spoke. He would say: „That makes it even worse.“

[@sharonthompson672]

You were probably the truth teller. The child that speaks up and questions the status quo, the dysfunction in the family becomes the scapegoat. 🌹

[@joerudnik9290]

Yes, the family often wants you to carry the scapegoat burden, and just SHUT UP!!

[@tomdallas3690]

Shad up

[@Tilly236]

Chess, your sister is very similar to mine (who is definitely a narcissist, if not worse!). She had a huge hand in me being ousted from my family, after which I decided not to go back. She denies it, but I know it's true. Her husband is actually a good guy, who very timidly stood up for me on a couple of occasions, but he's so overpowered by her that he was shut down. I still appreciate that he tried though, it was very validating. One thing that might cheer you up is that my mum and sister's relationship fell apart spectacularly after I left. My mum even began treating her in the same way she treated me - I have no sympathy for her whatsoever 🤷🏼‍♀️ They have to have a scapegoat, so if you're not there it'll eventually be someone else.

[@7632ant]

I have just lost my younger golden child sister. We made peace in the last 30 years and were talking. She never wanted to revisit the past and the reasons why she alienated me for 15 years. But I understand it now that I have been educating myself about narcissism for the past 7 years. She was brought up to view me as the family's problem. She was elevated to being the 'good' child and of course, what child is going to rebel against that? Eventually our father died and she contacted me. We were friends again! And I was overjoyed to get my sister back. However, she did keep me at arms length and the relationship was very much on her terms. I always wanted answers but she wouldn't or couldn't give them. I will miss her of course but I am even sadder that our relationship wasn't the sisterly bond it should have been. Our parents ensured her loyalty towards them.

[@Joanthebrightone]

I’m so sorry! Your siblings are not your siblings in these types of families. They are your parents’ children. I let them all go. God will restore what you lost many fold! Stay safe!

[@sharonthompson672]

This was me and my twin in a family of six kids. She was my mother's golden child. I was the truth teller and scapegoat. After decades of trying to "earn" their love, I started cutting back contact, then my baby sister ended herself and things FINALLY started to fall into place. The funeral was hell. I still continued to try, but really immersed myself into reading, watching videos, getting actual help, slowly realizing I'm not the "crazy" one, I'm just the designated punching bag. It took another eight years to completely separate. It's been difficult, but the real me is starting to emerge and I'm feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

[@tforme11]

My father has done the same thing with his golden boy my brother. I am so sad to have very little connection with him. My father has taken so much from me

[@ShelleyPorter-g3y]

Chess, I wake up in the morning hoping you have another video for all of us. People who went through this situation understand. We get it. What I don't understand is abusive people and their inability to look inward. Please know that every time you post, you are helping me (and I'm sure others) feel we are not alone. Thank you!

[@robinbliss7054]

I second that. I resonated so much with the last video, I felt the pain deeply as it echoed the overwhelming experience of my own experience leading to going no contact. The narcissistic betrayal I felt at the hands of my sister, her hapless husband, my enabling and neglectful mother and the NPD father.

[@fosmert877]

You did the right thing for you. You talking about it is helping other people.

[@joerudnik9290]

She did the thing that EVERYONE should do in the same situation.😏😏😉😉😉

[@irishcountrygirl78]

The irony that narcissists came into the comment section of your very lovely personal heart felt video about your experience with narcissists, empaths attract them. That's why l say they have a demon in them, they love to create havoc and hurt. Glad you didn't let them phase you too much and well done, delete them ALL. ❤

[@irishcountrygirl78]

@user-fu9dd5vc6x sharing is self centred? Are you her sister perhaps 😳🤣🤣

[@irishcountrygirl78]

@user-fu9dd5vc6x no thanks, empaths who see you are your greatest enemy. Jog on troll.

[@nenasadie]

You help us while you help yourself. Your content is a win-win. I've felt less alone on my journey because of you, and others like you, and for that I thank you.

[@mariamadsen7071]

I feel the same ❤ Peace be with you! Hugs 🤗

[@christinegivens9048]

💯🙏

[@JaneNeitzke]

I, too, have the two-parent team that are narcissistic. Then also to observe my sister be treated as the golden child while I am scapegoated, year after year...time after time. Your voice has brought me much comfort. I want to tell people: No. I am not being too sensitive. AND Yes. I deserved love instead of derision. Yet I am in my fifties and know now why I have spent so many years alone. Basically, I am unable to feel safe in relationships of any kind. This is not playing the victim. There is beauty in who I am. I know it and protect it deeply. For me, self-love has been the greatest love of my life. I walk with you, Chess. Thank you for your bravery and vulnerability as you post these videos to help us all heal. Blessings🧡

[@d.robertdigman1293]

Chess, you are much-loved and much-valued, and I am grateful to be able to sit here in Australia and watch you as you show me how much I am not alone. One thing I wish to add, and that is something I think can be a very hard thing for people not like us to understand: when raised as children in abusive families, abuse is normalised. Disempowerment is normalised. We know no better, and must learn that this is not "normal" behaviour (whatever "normal" means). We make the decision to leave slowly, gradually, because that is the pace at which we come to see how unhealthy it is at some point. Then at some point, THWAM, something hits us making sticking around no longer the best choice. So when people who have no personal experience of this see us, they have no concept of that ignorance and what I call "the delusion of powerlessness" either. They then ask us "why did you stick around for so long?" and sometimes we fail to answer because it can be hard to say sometimes. But we do stick around as we are human beings, who naturally take time to struggle with the realisation that perhaps a parent, both parents, even siblings, those who we are repeatedly told love us unconditionally, we learn that that unconditionality is just as big a lie as their love always was. This is the loveliness of your work and of your channel: that you not only reduce the loneliness and sense of "otherisedness" so many of us feel, but you also offer understanding to those who have not been through what we have. This then has the effect of, slowly but surely, reducing then, hopefully, eliminating eventually the stigma and lack of understanding. Compassion requires understanding first, and you are making as contribution to spreading greater understanding to every home that has access to your channel. Love to you and to all!

[@Bommeltje1970]

You’re brave! And you know what… in all of this you need to think, you don’t choose your family, you can choose your friends! There is nothing wrong with leaving the family you grew up with behind and finding your own path! I estranged my brother (parents have passed away already , my dad while I estranged him a year earlier) His standards in life are not mine, his behaviour is not ‘normal’ and he doesn’t respect my decisions and values. I’m very open about it to others and always ready to explain exactly why i took this decision. It’s for my happiness! I choose me over him.. And there is nothing wrong with that! They don’t own you, there is only one person who can make decisions for you, and that is you! You can do this!! ❤

[@Karen-i7d6p]

“They don’t own you”. That is interesting. When I read that It opened up something to me. You’re right, but I think in some sense I have always felt owned by them and been fighting that. Thank you!

[@nancyrukavena6992]

​@@Karen-i7d6pI had the same feeling! I felt "owned," too! That really hit the nail on the head!

[@109carlyle]

It's so hard to understand how parents can reject their own child. My husbands parents were the most awful people I had ever experienced! I thought I could win them over and things would get better. I was so wrong. It took us 20 years of trying. I look back and I don't know what I was thinking! The abuse was astounding! Though I feel for my husband and children. The only regret I have is putting up with it as long as I did. When my MIL passed away I felt this tremendous weight lift from me. I will never see or hear her voice ever again!

[@kevinhornbuckle]

Do you wish your husband had cut his parents out of your lives early on?

[@109carlyle]

@kevinhornbuckle My husband wanted their approval. I felt bad for him and my kids. His parents weren't really dealt with. To be honest, I wish I would have left! I'm the one who said I'm done!

[@aggiesart6]

Same here. The way she talk about my husband as if he a 4 year old. And most people say oh she is a lovely sweet women. I think she is all about the outside. And how she people see her. There is no real person.

[@axelrobertsson9008]

@@109carlyle It is amazing (in a very bad way) that these people got all those years to get help, seek out therapy and change, but they just continued. I try to think that way rather than ”why did I stay for so long?”. We just tried to improve things not understanding they were unable to change.

[@cropduster8798]

Thank you, from all of us who need to hear you. We survived the 7th October slaughter on the Gaza border. My parents didn't even call to see if we were all ok. In fact they actually told me when they eventually mailed us that people have been calling so they need to know.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Oh wow, that’s awful. So they didn’t catch on that other people were concerned so perhaps they should be too? Ugh. I’m sorry. And so glad you are safe. Take care.n

[@cropduster8798]

@@thescapegoatclub They insinuated that we had put them in an uncomfortable position.

[@stevehardman2231]

Thank you so much for posting this content. It's amazing to recognize my own story in every aspect of yours. To recognize that this behavior is a thing and not just my personal failure gives me joy and makes me cry.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I am so glad it has given you some validation and support - you are not alone!

[@user-gt9cs7uh2f]

I went semi-no contact many years ago and that has worked fairly well. I am nearly 70 years old and my mother is in her late 90’s. I don’t need a parent at this point in my life and neither do you. I think that you just need to forgive yourself for not enjoying your family and not wanting to be with them because they trigger something in you that makes you unhappy and are unhealthy for you. I needed to realize that the things and situations that trigger me don’t necessarily trigger other people and that’s ok. I need to do what I need to do for myself.

[@CalifGirl09]

Chess, you're doing wonderful work and helping so many. It's difficult for the critics to understand that if you stand up and walk out of the pub, it just gives the narcissists more ammunition to scapegoat you. Toxic narcissists will deliberately taunt and bait the family scapegoat into a confrontation, so that they can direct more blame at the scapegoat. ( for example, saying that you are looking at the map on the wall because you are bored). The best that the scapegoat can do is not to give in to the provocation --- which you did very well. When the scapegoat ignores the provocation, then the scapegoat protects herself, because she cannot be blamed for starting a fight. Narcissists would love to blame the scapegoat for starting a fight. So, thank you ! Really appreciate your videos. :-)

[@CalifGirl09]

Her story is completely clear, understandable, and credible. This kind of abuse is exactly what happens in a narcissistic family, and she has described it very well. She is helping a lot of people understand their family dynamics.

[@user-fu9dd5vc6x]

@@CalifGirl09 Justify her two conflicting remarks - she said that her father had said... and she stated that THESE WERE HIS WORDS... 'Chess's visit wasn't nearly as bad as we thought it was going to be''... she then in a later video upgraded this to... 'Chess is not as bad as we think she is'. Completely different, and clearly invented. She needs to be consistent in order to be believed. It is she who is out of step with her family and it is clear to see why.

[@Phabulous_1]

Hi, Chess! It was the last video posted regarding being vulnerable during your family visit, that inspired me to subscribe to your channel. I can and do relate. Thanks for being brave and encouraging me; those of us who are struggling, navigating life with negative families. Your healthy boundaries, even when hurtful comments are deleted speaks volumes of protecting yourself. Bravo! I, too, know how it feels to be stuck in a situation where one feels no other way of coping, but to fake it until you make it, away from the emotional damaging, dangerous feelings of contempt from family members. It’s a horrible feeling, experience. You’re a survivor; and I’m looking forward to learning more from you! Please, continue being strong; and carry on! 🏆

[@virginiav.1172]

Chess, I am grateful to you for touching on what "coercive control" means in terms of feeling that we lack options. This is the part I never could explain to anyone else about my situation and sometimes I didn't understand myself why I put up with so much without having the ability to draw healthy boundaries.

[@axelrobertsson9008]

I am going through the emergent phase of estrangement right now and your content makes it so much easier. 👏🏻

[@jrenner6319]

Thank you, Chess. The Alienation I received from my daughter son-in-law and grandson Was 3 years ago And it was the most shocking That happened to me... I was totally blind sided Beat down. But after 3 years of working with a wonderful therapist I feel like I'm on the other side of the pain and the heartbreak And your videos Just add to my strength.. Thank you

[@thehappywanderer6469]

So so sorry you were let down by your family. I know what that feels like and wouldn't wish it on anyone. We both know we didn't deserve it but I think it is more about them than us.

[@catherinebrown9119]

It is hard enough to separate when it is just you, but to have other people backing up the narcissist it is tremendously hard. Thats what happened to me. It was only my mother attacking me. No one else observed it. I finally came to realize that i had some relatives that were there to support me and that helped some. I separated from everyone. It wasn’t until my mother died that I got my family back. I observed my father telling everyone that “its done” meaning all the family estrangement. Both sides were affected by her. He saw and let it happen to appease her and keep his life peaceful. It’s been twenty years of healing and I am finally close to my siblings again.

[@purposeinmind]

That is so good to hear that you've been able to get close to your siblings again ❣

[@michelleeden6169]

Hi, I've just seen your post on family estrangement. It bears so much relevance for me. I went no contact 17 years ago and I have no remorse or regrets. I find it stimulating as well as satisfying that I severed all ties with these vile narcissistic people and their golden daughter, back 2007 when i was in my early 40s. I don't have any conscience with killing off this part of my life. Their golden child is now bearing the burden of her elderly parents of advance ages consequences, albeit, bearing the responsibilities and obligations that comes with ageing parents, ( they're well into their 80s). I am much more happy and healthy in my wellness away from these disgusting individuals who made my life hell for years and almost tried to devastate my sanity. Please keep bringing your posts. You are very inspiring and helping to heal those who have suffered so much pain and detriment who have unfortunately been born into toxic, dysfunctional families of origin. They don't exist for me, because these evil low life individuals belong in the past. Sending love and my good wishes to you x

[@sophiesmeenk1076]

Whenever you do anything at all online, there will ALWAYS be bullies. There will always be abusers. Please concentrate on all the people who see you, understand you and try to support you. You've had enough already of the other kind throughout your life. I wish you love and strength. ❤

[@autobotdiva9268]

the ultimate movie is Snow White

[@CTSCAPER]

In regards to the question, "Why didn't you just walk out of the pub?" I would answer that when people, including your own family, treat you so poorly there's a shock factor. You sit there with a dazed expression on your face thinking, "Did that really just happen? Is my family really treating me this way?" I had a dinner when I realized there is nothing to be gained, and a lot to be lost, around these people. They are only interested in themselves and passive aggressive put downs. My only regret, most likely the same you have, is why didn't I stop trying sooner. I wasted so much time taking the high road and getting lost in ruminating thoughts trying to figure out why someone would treat me that way. The best answer I have is I can't control other people. There is a point where I stop and others begin and I can only control my part of the equation. Other's behaviour is on them, not me. I can't make them see the light nor is it my job to try and make them see the light. Once people show you who they are believe them.

[@enzasdiamondsandcrafts]

Hi Chess. I'm joining your club. I think we know deep down, somehow, that if we stick up for ourselves in these situations that you mentioned, it can make matters worse. We don't know it at the time, but our inner self does. And it's so hard because we desperately want to say "f*off!!!!!" ❤

[@terridillon3053]

You are such a beautiful and authentic soul. Thank you for sharing

[@Leann-uj9rg]

I saw some of those mean comments. The typical lines, you’re too sensitive…grow up…get some thick skin. Those are the same ones who never want to take responsibility for their rotten behavior and they have people who support their behavior. Heck with them. They just need to go away and all be mean and disrespectful to each other. Thank you for your videos.

[@amyspeers8012]

I am so happy that you dropped into my feed. I am sorry your grew up with a family like that. My husband did not have a loving family and jokingly said he married me for my family. I can see the hurt in him and since I know him so well-married 30 years-I know it is them and not him. Oh-and I loved the kitty butt! 😂Much love to you. ❤

[@mrsjennings2727]

For me, the hardest part about estrangement is having to manage the feedback from others. Everybody has an opinion on this and I have come to terms with most people not understanding and judging the abuse victim as an abuser. What helps me cope is to take the instances where I am faced wirh these attitudes as opportunities to forgive myself for not standing up for myself sooner and as validation for my eventual decision to set my boundaries the way I want them to be regardless. I hope you can get to a point where every now hurtful comment just serves as a reminder to you, that you overcame huge societal obstacles, that you were brave enough to face what was hiding in plain sight while most people choose to look away, and that you emancipated yourself despite all the pressure not to. I hope these comments will someday spark pride in you, because that is how you are allowed to feel!

[@GO-offtheriver]

I am currently in the same situation- on the cusp of…… do I let go now. You are giving me some strength to go ahead. I have a narcissistic mother and she has estranged me from my brother and sister. I lost my dad over 5 yrs ago so she’s worse than ever. It does feel like grief and i appreciate your kindness in sharing x

[@Karen-i7d6p]

Sounds like you have nothing good left to lose by letting them go. Take care x

[@Karen-i7d6p]

I’m so glad you are doing this. It may be helping you, but it is helping me too! I am not alone! Take care 😊

[@britanniau.k.4352]

Chess, you have been very open, brave and honest.It's clear that you tried everything within your power to salvage your family connection before it was broken forever. Your family lost out on having your warmth, love and support over the years and their intransigence was the cause. Their loss......

[@anna3036]

I didn't grow up with narcissistic parents but the way you spoke of your family reminded me of a book called "Coraline" by Neil Gaiman. In the story the little girl goes to a place where there are exact copies of her parents except they have button eyes. They seem so kind and they give her toys and home cooked meals. But what they really want is to sew buttons on Coraline's eyes just like theirs. I'm overstepping my bounds, but that is what your family feels like to me.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Oh, this hit me! I need to read it. It sounds quite sinister. Thanks for sharing it.

[@sharonthompson672]

Great movie too! 🎥 🍿

[@anna3036]

@@thescapegoatclub It's actually a children's book! When my girls were around 10 I read it to them. Scary, but also Coraline is brave and escapes them with the help of a magic cat. Excellent book.

[@ShawnicornMindshiftCoaching]

Thank you so much for being vulnerable with us, it means more than you know. I too, am a coach. My niche is trauma recovery, I teach people how to get through the overwhelm of trauma and into the peaceful life they deserve. I do this because of the life I have lived, it's been similar to yours. I had two narcissistic parents, my father is deceased and I'm no contact with my mother, since September 2023 and my sisters about the same time. I was married to and divorced a narcissist after almost 22 years. When we have childhood wounds, especially the ones from our caretakers, it causes us to be stunted in growth, mentally. That stunt causes way more issues than many realize. You are doing fabulous in your own recovery, please don't let those voices trump your own. You are brilliant and capable in your own right. I had to fight off the I'm not enough bs as well. You are enough. You are more than enough, and I am so thankful you were brave enough to tell your life experiences. It allowed me to be brave too. I am going to make my intro video for my fb page. Something I've been putting off for months. So thank you for showing its okay to be brave and put yourself out there.

[@diashelle]

All your videos help me feel like I’m part of a community of people seeking understanding of, healing from and definition of conduct that is unacceptable. Hearing your personal stories amplifies all of the above. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@jennifercooper3812]

Yes, don't let the naysayers get you down! It's a last resort to go no contact and not entered into lightly. Amir Odom also talks about this on his channel. Just because a few young people are now doing so over political beliefs, doesn’t invalidate those who have to do so over abuse. It took an outsider to tell me I was abused to believe it and even then I replied. "It was not that bad, at least not all of the time." Keep doing what you're doing.

[@LindsayClancy]

You are me, and I am you 💯 with my mother specifically, and my family. Only difference is your "English", and I'm "American". Your story is mine, mine is yours, and thank you for telling it and being truthful and awareness to it.

[@LindsayClancy]

#bringing

[@joerudnik9290]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@breadandbiking]

You aren’t alone. ❤ I am in the same healing stage as you from this similar situation. I understand all of your feelings completely. Keep it up. Keep moving in the right direction.

[@astriddekoning2040]

I am touched by your story. I sympathize with you. Unfortunately, we cannot choose our family members and the dynamics around them. If only that were possible, we would be in very different circumstances, but unfortunately we have to deal with what we have been given. My family has made me feel like I wasn't good enough most of my life, but as I've gotten older I've learned that what they think doesn't matter at all. I've learned that I am me and No matter what anyone else thinks, even with all my mistakes and shortcomings, I am O.K. What a relief that is..! It's just a shame it took me so long to realize that...

[@LindsayClancy]

People simply don't understand how lethal a narcissist is 2 your life. That it is such a severe, specific manipulative trauma, as like any abuse, that you feel you will never escape. It is abuse, period, and you nor I owe any one explanations on it. We are only survivors, who can only help to spread the message and support. Love u sister ❤

[@purposeinmind]

yes! and the toxicity was there before our birth so the 'training' was pre-language and that makes it very hard to explain how it affected us.

[@markredmond1746]

It's inspiring listening to how you have been able to process everything and move forward . Am about 23 years into complete estrangement from my family with the exception of step brother and nephew. It has provided me with so much peace and inner calm. No regrets, other than wishing I had done it earlier.

[@cluttercoachfreehelp]

You are very brave. I can't wait to see your next video ❤

[@libbycampion7290]

These videos have been sooooo valuable to me. You are describing what is happening to me - the me I cannot share with anyone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@thescapegoatclub]

I'm so sorry you're going through this too, but know you're not alone. ❤️

[@DoreenWeed]

Exactly! We spent our whole life trying to "be" the daughter that they wanted and denying who we really are! We don't choose to orphan ourselves. Ignore the negative comments. After going no contact with my entire family i realized how betrayed I felt.

[@phammond18]

I’m so happy you are healing! I’m on the same journey of growing up in a narcissistic family and then married one. When I divorced him he began alienating my children from me. 15 years later and it’s still a nightmare! I have put up several boundaries only for them all to think I’m selfish. Have you ever thought about bringing on guests with similar situations as yours? Keep on healing as I will too!

[@purposeinmind]

The "selfish" words works on us because we were well-trained to serve others FIRST, LAST AND ALWAYS. Good on you for getting out.

[@mrsbinkbonk]

Unfortunately, I can relate so much to your experience. Ugh. Brought back a memory that still befuddles me. It’s hard because I understand at this point in my life it had nothing to do with me….but it is still hard.

[@kimbarnetson3297]

Given your subject matter it might sound odd to say I enjoy your videos but I do. You explain yourself so well and like many of your viewers I have had a similar experience, but until recently I couldn't articulate my feelings. Also I think people who haven't grown up in this family dynamic don't understand that you have been conditioned from an early age to take criticism or laugh along with them. I'm now a parent and grandparent myself, I'm in no way perfect and have made many parenting mistakes, but I never knowingly gone out of my way to humiliate or break my childs spirit and when I have made mistakes I apologise because I know from experience how hurtful gaslighting and snide comments can be. I sure I'm not the only one who is helped by hearing your story, so thank you.

[@OneofMany-yt5sl]

I know that all too well. And none of it is funny. I learned to not react.

[@seekingthemiddleway4048]

Super helpful. If your family's like mine, walking out would have become a shared family "joke", "evidence" you're the problem, part of family lore, a hook upon which to hang their shared decision to appoint you family dustbin. It would have triggered a barrage of letters and emails attacking you for your behaviour, using words like "ingratitude", "'self-obsessed", "humourless", "childish", "mentally unstable" etc etc....Walking out would have achieved nothing....unless beforehand you'd decided it was the almost the end and if they did just one more thing.....but then your stuff wouldn't have been at the house, you'd have checked out transport, you'd have been prepared.

[@JOHNTHEWHISK]

yep. i got "ungrateful" because i stopped going to my dad's house after getting fed up with all the slings and arrows aimed my way all the time. f*ck em

[@wendyshoup8539]

I actually think you are very brave to share your story so openly! I admire you very much. I've had so many relationships with narcissistic people in my life! Family members, ex husbands, friends and coworkers. Listening to someone like you makes me feel seen and heard. Sending so much love and light to you!❤

[@kenmichellewilson3644]

I appreciate your videos, they have opened my eyes to many problems my family and extended family have been dealing with for decades.

[@Londonererer]

You have endured so much. You have saved your kids from them. Remember that. They wont witness or experience their narcissism. You won't be undermined in their eyes, Well done you!!!! I am proud of you.

[@cellosong]

I'm so glad you created this channel for people who are estranged from their families due to narcissistic dynamics and scapegoating. I'm in that category too. I truly believe you will provide healing for others through your work. Wishing you all the best on your healing journey and your professional contributions to this topic. I think it's important that we take the veil off these family dynamics. The horrible emotional ABUSE must be faced if we are to heal. Yes, this involves facing that the mythical "wonderful family" has to go. We did not grow up in wonderful families. We grew up in ABUSIVE families and no amount of smokescreens can cover up the stench of the abuse that we suffered and that we witnessed. The comments of "you were too sensitive" and "you are the narcissist." "You got what you deserved." OMG! So predictable. The narcissists NEVER take responsibility for their abusive behavior. And they will never CHANGE. This type of insidious abuse is completely indicative of narcissistic behavior. People who have not lived through this might not recognize it for what it is. There is NOTHING you can do to measure up to their high standards - haha! Such crap. They ALWAYS try to blame others for the crap they put out. The only thing a sane person can do is get away from them because they will never change and, frankly, they can be DANGEROUS. In my mother's case she got so dis-regulated by me removing the "supply" she was used to me giving her for decades that she pulled out a gun in front of my toddlers. Narcissists can become dangerous. Everyone needs to hear this. You made the right decision to leave. The biggest mistake I made was allowing my children in contact with my family. This resulted in my narcissistic mother becoming jealous of the close relationship between my daughter and my father. So she did what she had to do to ruin that relationship. THAT really hurt my daughter because she lost a close bond with her grandpa. This emotionally damaged my daughter.

[@lbb530]

Thank you for your honesty and commitment to healing, This is a topic that cannot be understood unless you have been subjected to covert narcissism for a lifetime from your family of origin. It took me years to even understand that the treatment I was experiencing was abuse. It took a few years after going NC/just walking away without any explanation, to truly reflect on my experience. The recognition that the harmful behavior was not going to change came on like a hurricane, and I just ran for shelter! Five years later and my peace of mind is worth the loss. Chess, you are wonderful! Love from nyc!

[@sharonwhite2023]

I can totally relate to you & your family dynamics. I’ve been estranged from my family for many years for the same reason. For my own peace of mind, I had to walk away. They often downplayed the horrible things they did & said. It’s not you. There are so many narcissists in this world. Don’t listen to the negative comments. They have no clue what your life was/is like. You do what you need to do for your life, your peace and be with people that love you and WANT to be with you.

[@sharonwhite2023]

Maybe your sister is jealous of you, your success and that your independence.

[@rosebud-ame]

I so feel your pain as an empath. I separated twice from my family with a lot of sadness & course my 2 sisters took my mother’s side. I reunited with my parents & my mother died 8 months later. Her passing destroyed my family & I had to sever all ties with my sisters. That was 25 years ago & I don’t regret it one bit. It’s very very painful leaving them behind. Time really does help. The naysayers are either narcissists or jealous! Take care of yourself. 💜

[@adeleelgood6948]

You will heal! I also "left"my family years ago but for different reasons. My goodness, I am so strong now - an entirely different person. Unfortunately there are some abusive, negative people around whose only "joy" in life is to bring other people down! However there are many many more lovely supportive people out there who understand. It is NOT YOU, my dear and just because you share the same blood as your family, definitely doesn't mean you have to put up with all this. Stand strong, you are your own special, loving person.

[@AnotherDayDIY]

I completely understand why you estranged. I was in narcissistic relationships a couple of times and am currently pulling away from a sister in law who is a narcissist. The absolute intentional crazy-making, the torturous treatment that these people inflict on others is the WORST thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Before I knew what a narcissist even was, I was having very dark thoughts about who I was and whether or not I was losing my mind. After doing a ton of research on these types of “people”, I knew that all I could do was walk away and not look back. I knew I’d been targeted and would continue to be, by others, if I didn’t remain vigilant in recognizing their intentions. I am by no means fully healed but I am educated enough to keep away from the ugliness that is narcissistic abuse. I am now with a partner that is also a survivor of a narc and we so appreciate each other, more deeply, as we’ve shared a similar ugly history. Thanks for sharing your experience and know there are so many of us out here that understand and relate.

[@hayswhite]

Girl you’re kinda saving my life right now so please keep going. Love you girl ❤🇺🇸

[@suehofkamp8594]

Our stories are similar. I finally admitted to myself that my family ( with the exception of two ) were quite toxic. I told them I love them and forgive them but, I no longer want any communication with them. I ended the relationships long ago. I was able to get through the pain and disappointment with God’s guidance. Fifteen years later I called my Mother to tell her I forgive her ( she is in her 90’s now ) and she said she didn’t know what I was talking about. She does not have dementia, she knew. But this is how she decided to deal with it. God says honor your Mother and Father so this is why I called her. I continue to talk to her once every couple of months. My father passed in the 1980’s. I haven’t had contact with one brother and sister since 1990’s. I do not miss them and feel at peace about ending my relationship with them. I have forgiven and moved on. To forgive is a good feeling. I have heard that one brother still talks trash about me but, I wish him all the best in life. Forgiveness set me free and I am still guided by God Almighty. I hope you are able to come to full forgiveness as well.

[@singingheartjewelry]

Chess...there's so much I want to say, but I'll just say this for now...sweetheart...I just want to give you a warm healing hug. I hear the vulnerability in your voice. I am 62 and know how much it takes to walk away. And how long it can take to really get what happened. Surrounding you with healing.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thank you for the hug! I truly appreciate your support. I'm so glad that my story resonates with you and that you are doing well now!

[@doughewitt9424]

Just to add......it can be so hard to walk away, but we know it is what we have to do. We cannot educate narcissists ( they don't want to be educated) They were twisted in their childhood. That's not our fault.​@@thescapegoatclub

[@InvisibleVisible793]

Have faith in yourself, your feelings are justified. If you think back, there was a pivotal point. You unwittingly (no one can outthink the malignant narcissist) crossed hairs with the antagonist. Brace yourself, when you grey rock your family, it will up the ante. What do I mean? Game on! Now comes the call from a cherished niece or nephew - someone they feel "She doesn't dare ignore this sweet child!" Be sweet but non-committal, wish them and yes, their family well, get off that call.

[@sidroj7]

The dread you spoke about reminds me of how I would feel every time I heard a motorcycle go up the road. I would freeze, expecting my brother to show up at my house. He used to show up at my doorstep even though he lived hours away. It took me years to get over that dread. Now, I am healing (8 years later) and am getting on with my life. I hope that you are living a good life, too.

[@HuP1111]

Thank you for sharing this, it is so important and happening to SO many of us right now - especially when viewing it all in the "bigger picture" context of a great spiritual "awakening" and elevation of collective consciousness happening on this planet. Beautiful loving-hearted people such as ourselves, are a wondrous Light entering the room - and the toxic, abusive behaviors by the so-called family members simply cannot handle it. Our light, the [loving God] Light that naturally and inherently (non-consciously even) lights up the room, commands them to look at their darkness (that they do not want to look at, nor work on / move through). So, its like all their personal dark demons get triggered, so they cannot love us - instead, they want to shriek and run away from / fearing the Light, or do all they can to diminish it / snuff it out - hence the toxicity, the abuse - targeted and "shade thrown" at the innocent, the Loving Light. I am in the same boat, just waking up to the bizarre movie I was in (lifelong). I saw flashes of their toxicity directed only at me - but I was harshly, fully "thrown under the bus" at last year's holiday gathering at the table (it was at an intensified, shocking level). Their figurative masks fell off, and I saw them for who they are at the moment. It is not their true God-Source selves (they have forgotten who they truly are). No excuses for their behavior though. They attempted to belittle me at the table (of about 8 people). I did stand up for myself and directly, firmly "fired back" by calling them out directly on their abusive actions / words... the table went totally silent... I felt good about my calling them out and stayed at the table because I had "had enough". I did not see the depth of their darkness coming that year. I was staying at their house and thought, "oh I am not coming back here again". The parent got increasingly strange and rude for the rest of the visit (which was the next day). I did go back a couple months later (could tell I was not that welcomed) to see if it (abusive parent behavior) would happen again & if our relationship could be "patched up" when just me (with adult child) on a visit (without an audience of the other family favorites around). It was "ok", though a bit awkward at times because the parent could not have a conversation really, and I did not try to fill in any conversation breaks - just let silences sit there. I thought that was working to be a baby step toward having at least a civil relationship - but no. I then got no communication from the parent, not even a text emoji back for.6 months. Though the narcissistic parent is trying "divide and conquer" tactics with reaching out to my adult child, but not me. Smh. Only after the parent found a new spouse in that time, did the parent reach back out to me - but I see it was "for show" to introduce "the new guy" & let him believe there is a "normal" family. No, I have not met with them (nor do I have any desire to - after layers of betrayal & years of not showing love to me). I have been healing and Know it is not me, but their lifelong wounds / issues they need to work on. If they continue on their path, then our paths must now separate. The saying is true here, "Their rejection is God's protection" of me. It is hard to disconnect from "family" when you have a deeply unconditional loving heart... but "we are going where they cannot go" now... we are headed toward the 5D (heavenly conscioussness / realms) while they choose to stay at the lower levels of the 3D world. These are 2 different directions (or frequencies) for now anyway. I am at the last step as I write this. It is not who I am to make a hard break / detachment, so I am distancing gradually (actually, they already figuratively "cut me out" of the family really), and am almost there now. I must move on with Love. I do not forgive their actions, but forgive them (as they are lost children of God, who will hopefully find their way out of their darkness)... until then, peace be with them, and here's to a new beginning - where our lives are filled with kind, loving people on our lovely way forward. Big Love & Hugs to All.🌿💖🌿

[@LegoFlipC]

Chess , you have such courage- how you turned out this beautiful inside and out with parents like that is a miracle ❤️. No really it is. Here in the 3D, We are all made of dark and light energy essence and consciousness and some have much more dark than light (your family) and some much more light like you… keep shining and inspiring others. I am estranged from my siblings but my parents were nice people….so I don’t have the same situation but it still hurts so in that respect we do have that in common.

[@voulafisentzidis8830]

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. Please know that the mistreatment you received in your family is not your secret to keep. Stating things out loud helps not only you, but also those who hear you and learn by identifying with your experience. I've gone through periods when the impact of associating with my birth family resulted in huge itchy welts, diarrhea, and a general feeling of significant stress. Once I let them go those feelings stopped. It's important to remember that none of us volunteered for such treatment, forever. At some point we all realise that nothing will change until we change! Take care and stay strong!

[@freeinJesus]

Thank you for making these videos and sharing your experience and knowledge. I know it is not easy. I don't know if I could do it. I pray for more healing for you and everyone else who has been abused by the family they grew up in. It is crushing, and those who haven't experienced it just don't really understand how damaging it is, which makes it feel lonely. I'm so thankful that people like you are talking about it, and growing the awareness of this hidden abuse, and helping people heal.

[@waltersuderman]

I do wish you all the best. Your sharing helps me, in thinking, how to handle my situation with my siblings. Thank you.

[@victoriagoingforit6183]

I just finished listening to a chapter on the book here in the United States called adult survivors of toxic family members by Sheri Campbell PhD where she devotes a whole chapter about how people, friends acquaintances or extended family will try to gaslight you just like your family did. It was very helpful to me to read that because those insensitive comments can really bring up the deep wounds that we already have. The other thing I learned from her book is that when people say nasty things, it's a reflection of THEIR dysfunction, not yours. So important to remember that because we were brought up to believe that we were not good enough. I am glad to hear that you are building that Teflon coating.

[@ERINSchork-w7m]

In my family there were people trying to hurt me and turn others against me but then my father would believe them and treat me bad because of it. When I tried to talk to him about that I was going to create more distance from my cousin because she was turning people against me. It was like she was trying to take my life and make it hers. I knew I was dealing with a dangerous person and that if I just distance myself from her it would trigger a smear campaign. I knew from past experience that my dad would listen to her put me down and be influenced by it. I knew I needed to communicate what was happening to him but I wasn’t allowed to in his mind. Even as an adult still trying to have that conversation. In the end it didn’t matter anymore because my cousin died. By then I literally felt like I couldn’t even try to have a relationship with him anymore. I guess I feel regret that I kept trying instead of just doing what was right for me regardless of the backlash. But as you know life’s not always that simple. I was in an abusive relationship and trying to turn to my family for support which I wasn’t getting but like a trained dog or something I just kept trying. I couldn’t accept the truth of it. Plus my cousin had destroyed my most meaningful relationships. I didn’t have others to turn to anymore. My dad acts like he loves me but I guess he’s controlling. I don’t know. It’s like you’re supposed to just do what he says and be quiet and it’s like he wants a relationship without having to know anything about you. Like I said, I wish I faced it sooner and just accepted the hard truth so I could’ve stopped running into the wall over and over like an idiot.

[@shaunna6673]

Chess- I am so proud of you for setting your boundaries and from stepping out of hurt and into healing. We all need healing in one way or another, we simply need to be willing and brave enough to go through it.

[@tanktop25]

The moment you realize that you don't need them, you will be free.

[@kaitk3802]

Some of the hurtful comments and experiences with your family that you described sound quite underhanded in their cruelty so that they could twist them on you, and in my own experience, I find those are the hardest to process and understand because they made me question myself and my sanity, but you dissected and articulated them so well. Thank you for putting words to their behaviours and what's really behind it, it helps a lot.

[@guenethcorrigan4096]

I struggled with parents who practiced putting me down verbally. There is one phrase that my mother would recite when I would share my struggles when I was a child. I experienced the normal mean kid stuff, and my heart hurt genuinely. I will leave you with what she would say when I would ask my mom why I would be treated so badly by my peers: “ everyone can’t be wrong”. I believed that far into my adulthood.

[@thehappywanderer6469]

I had to comment on your mother saying everyone can't be wrong. Yes, everyone can be wrong, Nazis, klu klux, idi amin, polpot, history is littered with yes they were all wrong. Some people never learned history with that cruel saying. Line em up and brainwash them. There are plenty of wrong groups out there.

[@michelle7352]

I understand totally as I've been through the same dynamics, but with a husband. We were married only 3.5 months, And after a night of his making me wrong for everything I felt, did, and said, after he fell asleep I gathered my dog, my work laptop, my jewelry and just one change of clothes and drove to another city where my best friend lived. I knew I had to leave at night as he would have shamed me and argued with me and made me feel stupid for feeling the way I did if I had tried to leave while he was awake. It had taken me only 2 months to see I had made a big mistake by marrying him, but for the next 2 months I kept trying to rescue the relationship. Before the marriage he wooed me. After, he began gas lighting and humiliating me. I didn't know I could feel so worthless. There is no winning with a narcissist, there is no equality. There is only getting away. Like you I have many stories, years of therapy and healing. Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[@susanned.9615]

Chess, today is the first time I've seen any of your videos - I really don't know you, or your situation apart from what you've shared in this video and the estrangement video last week. Congratulations, you seem to be doing well right now, keeping yourself and your life straight. That is absolutely amazing and wonderful!! A word of caution - please remember this video and how hard you worked to keep your life together when, 15 or so years from now, your sister/family calls because one of your parents needs care/help/money/more money - DO NOT let them guilt you into helping/sending $$$/going over there etc. I seen this happen over and over again and the client suddenly feels like a kid again, parent is going to love/admire/need them.... until you get there and the abuse starts all over. It gets harder to crawl out each time. Take care of yourself and congratulations on keeping the line.

[@tforme11]

Thank you for sharing your stories with me. It has helped tremendously! I have been looking to hear how others have delt with what I am currently experiencing. It is so traumatic and painful. Appreciate your openness ❤

[@itchystitchy]

I believe you. Sometimes no matter what you do your family will never accept you/ treat you with respect or love you, and you should cut your losses especially if it harms your mental health. If you leave your interactions with family feeling like crap for days or weeks afterwards it's not worth it to continue to make allowances for them and spend time with them despite their toxic behavior. Ignore and block the trolls. You can block posters without them knowing by the way.

[@SeamsLikeAGoodIdea]

It's an act of bravery to make these videos. You are so strong. It's so good of you to post these videos so people in a similar situation don't have to feel so alone.

[@thescapegoatclub]

Thank you! That's a lot of the reason why I do it.... also, it helps me to hear supportive comments, so I can really believe that I am not the bad guy in my family.

[@thealee3157]

Those that blame you with these comments are narcissists who don’t like being called out. Please keep healing ❤

[@hrbiaggi]

I'm an estranged parent, and my heart goes out to you. You're so thoughtful and kind toward your family, regardless you haven't had any contact with them for so long. I wish my dd showed that kind of respect. However, she had started this ongoing smear campaign, on things that never happened, or where just out of proportion, that made me rethink my worthiness for been alive. I wasn't the perfect parent, and i wish she could respectfully address any issues with me. I have asked for her forgiveness for not fulfilling her expectations. Her answer? "I need time mom". From then on, her attitude have become even worse to the point she sent me a message telling that her therapist advised her to go no contact. I cant even talk to my grandchildren, which breaks my heart. The oldest who is 8 yrs old loves me dearly...but after the estrangement, i cant even write him letters. Recently a friend met her and when she realized she was my daughter, she said how much she loved me. What a great person I am. According to my friend, my daughter's face and demeanor changed and that was it. The owner of the house noticed, and when my daughter left, she told my friend (who didnt know about the estrangement) about the terrible relationship my dd had with "her mother". Needless to say, it crushed my heart. My frien told me many months after the fact, when i told her, how much i miss my grandson and that i had been estranged from my daughter for over a year. To make this loooong story shorter, after the conversation with my friend i felt like the first day of the estrangement.... self doubt, reassuring myself that my daughter could be right and I wasnt a good enough mother, the one who deserved to be punished. I have to fight these feelings everyday. My husband, her father, tells me "get over it and move on. You have nothing to be ashamed for." I cant break loose of these feelings.i ve been thru therapy for the years now, and when she visit (she lives overseas), i start to have panic attacks (after the initial notice when I jump out of joy to then realize that she considers me public enemy #1)

[@thehappywanderer6469]

My heart is bleeding for you. I know what you are feeling missing your grandson. Don't give up hope. I too thought just ending my life would be an answer honestly the story isn't written yet. How can my grandson find me if I'm not alive. My job is to stay alive to see them one day even if they are fully grown I will be waiting. You can be sure they miss you in their life despite what the mother says and does he does miss you. He will find you. Send him letters. Maybe some will slip through. Go to school concerts. She can't restrict your freedoms. Your grandson needs you so never give up. Fight if you have to.

[@morgankelly3056]

Dod your daughter say anything about you not being worthy of life? If not your putting words in her mouth. If you can take her having a problem and turn it into a debate about your rite to life then you don't sound stable. She might be upset but did she actually say your public enemy number one? Are you putting words I'm her mouth? If she can't talk to you with our her words and their meaning being twisted...then your not a safe person to talk to.

[@morgankelly3056]

If you didn't do those things....I'm just a stranger on the internet. If you did do those things then I'm a daughter of someone who twists my words and it's not safe. If you can't stick to her exact words and let her express her self then what's the point in even talking???? Hint...there isn't one Hence estrangement.

[@SandraT1107]

Your story is very moving. It's a hard loss when your family are separated so a kind of grieving and loss, without the normal "end of life" grief xx

[@GenXphoenix]

You are incredible despite their crap. As the "golden" child, your sister has a rude awakening on the horizon. So proud of you for standing up for yourself! ❤ God bless you and keep you from their future harms. Your dad's an arsehole.

[@khewitt2873]

Proud of you. It is very brave to stand up for yourself & draw the line in the sand. You're example has really helped me deal with my family dynamic.

[@Rosewood663]

That sister sounds like a witch. !!She was spoiling for a fight and was extremely jealous that your week with your parents went “better than expected” and they probably said as much while u were in the bathroom. I’m just using their words. Obviously the whole visit was a horrible experience for you. My husband has a saying. “Never go into the lions den”. And that’s exactly what happened to you Chess. But you survived to tell the tale and you learned from it. And now you’re helping others. So you are the strong one and they are probably heavily codependent on each other. Take your time with the other video. I hope the support you get here helps you through. 🙏

[@catspyjamas7944]

I know what you mean about being under their control and not standing up in the heat of the moment. It’s a kind of freeze response, and there’s a kind of cognitive dissonance that goes on and (for me, anyway) there was a lot of dissociation. My alcoholic brother is my narc mother’s main flying monkey. He behaves so alarmingly like her. When he gets drunk, because I have them all blocked, he’s recently started messaging my adult daughters to try and start a derogatory conversation about me. One daughter blocked him, and he tried it on the other one yesterday who wrote back “can you actually just fuck off? You just want to start drama and we don’t want contact with you”. I was simultaneously proud of her and panicked with that feeling your inner child has at the prospect of annihilation. I had to spend a lot of time calming myself down. On the bright side, I think it’s the last time anyone of us will be dealing with him! My mother will be absolutely gutted that she didn’t succeed in sabotaging my relationship with my kids.

[@EveryPeachInReach]

Jack is such a handsome boy!! 😂❤

[@lynmaher112]

Chess you are a beautiful soul....You have grown up in this, 'dynamic'..and that's why you tried 'so hard' to make it work. I'm sitting here in Brisbane Australia, listening to you tell your story.... it's a story I've heard so many time's and have witnessed myself. My opinion is, "choose you and your emotional and mental and spiritual well being" ....

[@wallhagens2001]

Thank you for sharing your story. You are being kind and brave. It is helping me to handle my situation with going no contact with my family. I appreciate you! ❤

[@anniewardlow9297]

First off, I've got to say, YOU GO GIRL! 🤗 Call me the "President of the Black Sheep Association" in my family and I always have been. My Mom and Sisters actually got me a sweatshirt with white 🐑 sheep all over it and right over the heart area of the shirt there was a black sheep. The proof that my feelings had been relevant my entire life was enough to make this my favorite shirt that I wore as a badge of honor... so to speak. I was a bartender at that time in my life and since it was my favorite shirt I would wear it to work quite often. One day one of my "regulars" said to me, "Hey, Annie...is that the ONLY shirt you own?" To which, "Nope, but it's my favorite one!" And proceeded to tell him the title of "black sheep" that I've been dubbed with my entire life. He told me that, "Being a black sheep is NOT a bad thing at all. In fact, the black sheep is the most important sheep in the herd. You see, the farmer puts 1 black sheep in a herd of 100 white sheep so from the hilltop he can tell roughly where a herd is by spotting the black one." True story! I'm sorry that you had to go through this your whole life but proud of you for putting your foot down, turning and walking away. 👏 Good luck to you in the future and know that we ARE here for you... thanks for speaking out on behalf of those who haven't yet found their own voice.

[@jennieeveleighlamond]

Jack is a cutie! Thank you for sharing your experience, I can't even begin to find the words to tell you how helpful it is to me to hear that I'm not the only one.

[@AngelOClock]

I feel so so SORRY for Everyone who have to go through this. You are a Lovely Lady!!! Just found Your content. Very helpful to feel less alone with all of this. Thank You for showing up!!! *🥰

[@alisalavine1052]

Chess, I'm sending you love and support and hope that you continue to give yourself permission to feel what you feel. And yes, they were and I'm certain continue to be in the wrong. Narcissistic families are brutal. But here you are.❤❤

[@marylawrence8470]

You are brave

[@kbs7340]

With you Chess. You deserve all the love. 💕