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「學會面對你的痛苦與不安全感,並相信:對方不能滿足你,不是因為他不愛你,而是因為他有困難。他為你做的事,是他自己願意,而不是因為應該。那他為什麼願意?因為他愛你嘛。」-周慕姿(心理諮商師)
情緒勒索是一種「互動」的模式,不是一方索要一方而已,也要有人順從。勒索者知道自己在勉強對方,但並不覺得那是一種痛苦,因為過去他們也是這樣子犧牲忍耐來的。他們可能很沒安全感,以為對方沒有乖乖照做,就是不愛自己。跳脫情緒勒索的方式,就是要面對自己的痛苦與不安全感,並且學著去相信對方,相信愛。
「別人不能滿足你,不是因為不愛你,而是因為他有困難。他願意為你做的事,是因為他想,不是因為他應該,那他為什麼想?因為他愛你。我願意為你是因為我愛你,不是因為我怕你。」
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What is emotional blackmail, and how do we figure our way around it? Mu-Tzu Chou, a counseling psychologist, has seen numerous cases of emotional blackmail. In this talk, she outlines the unique relationship between the blackmailer and the target, and analyzes why individuals use these tactics to guilt others into getting what they want. 心理諮商師。政大新聞系、政大廣電所、國立臺北教育大學心理與諮商所畢業。目前為心曦心理諮商所所長,書籍《情緒勒索────那些在伴侶、親子、職場間,最讓人窒息的相處》作者。私底下則是歌德金屬樂團「Crescent Lament 恆月三途」主唱。
從傳播學系到心理諮商,再到金屬樂團主唱,不管在哪裡,都是個「非典型」角色。期待自己的工作,能夠鼓勵人們擺脫「應該」與「期待」的文化枷鎖、有勇氣以自己的真實樣貌面對世界;更希望能促進人與人之間的尊重與理解。認為「接納自己,獲得自由」,是人生最重要的事。
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Mu-Tzu Chou is a professionally-trained counseling psychologist who specializes in emotional blackmail between couples, parent and child, and co-workers. She assists individuals in letting go of other's expectations, and in accepting own's own identity. Through acceptance, one will be free of living in fear, anger, and resentment. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx