Questioning Control: Elizabeth's Emotional Journey

In this deeply personal episode, Elizabeth courageously shares her journey of facing the reality of her marriage and finding the strength to pursue freedom and healing. Here's a comprehensive overview of her story:
RESOURCES:
JOIN CONQUER: www.leslievernick.com/join
Darby Strickland: www.darbystrickland.com
Lysa Terkeurst: www.lysaterkeurst.com
Episode with Greg Wilson & Jeremy Pierre: www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-g8pj3-b3457b
Early Signs of Trouble:
Elizabeth describes the early signs of trouble in her marriage, including controlling behavior and emotional manipulation from her husband.
Despite her efforts to maintain peace, she grappled with feelings of rejection and struggled to assert her own autonomy.
Escalation and Confrontation:
The situation escalated as Elizabeth's husband exerted more control over major decisions in the family, leading to confrontations and emotional turmoil.
Elizabeth recounts instances where she stood up for herself, challenging her husband's authority and facing his disapproval.
Coping Mechanisms and Inner Conflict:
Elizabeth shares her internal struggle between wanting to honor her husband and feeling suffocated by his control.
She alternated between coping with strength and exploding with anger, grappling with feelings of guilt and grief afterward.
Awakening to Unhealthy Dynamics:
Through reading Leslie's book, "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage," Elizabeth began to recognize the unhealthy dynamics in her relationship.
She realized that she had inadvertently made her husband the center of her life, prioritizing the marriage over addressing underlying issues.
Separation and Reconciliation Attempts:
Elizabeth opens up about the difficult decision to separate from her husband and the subsequent attempts at reconciliation.
Despite seeking counseling and church support, the marriage continued to deteriorate, leading Elizabeth to face the painful reality of divorce.
Finding Peace and Acceptance:
Elizabeth reflects on her journey towards finding peace and acceptance amidst the shame and pain of divorce.
She emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for one's own behavior and finding grace and support from others.
Community and Support:
Elizabeth highlights the profound impact of joining Conquer and the supportive community she found there.
Through Conquer, she found a safe space to share her struggles, receive practical tools for growth, and form deep, lasting connections with other women.
Encouragement and Hope:
Elizabeth encourages listeners to be honest with themselves about their own behavior and seek support and community as they navigate their own journeys.
She finds hope in the midst of brokenness, recognizing the transformative power of God's love and the possibility of growth and healing.

[@carwin9761]

This is my story in a marriage of almost 30 yrs with some physical abuse sprinkled in, sexual/porn issues as well as more recent alcohol/substance concerns entering the equation. It's so validating and clarifying to listen to other's testimonies! Finding people like Leslie, Lysa, Darby is lifesaving on many levels. I'm still in my marriage, trying to navigate from a healthier perspective! Prayers, appreciated!

[@kaylees1072]

She is talking about my ex-husband as well. The perfect good guy in public. But in private slowly cutting me down time after time. The hard part was people would say i was controlling every time i would try to explain his overreactive behaviors that he carried out quietly and sinisterly.

[@iw9338]

Yes, dying inside. I hear you. 😮😅 God help us all.

[@cathymiller6670]

Elizabeth, thank you so much!! So well said! Sounds like my marriage...❤

[@amymain2213]

Becoming manipulative- i SO GET THIS! shape shifting to try to keep the peace, be a godly wife...yup my marriage definitely become an idol. 😢 Working thru this. Parasitic vs predatory wow! 🤯

[@petsecu2498]

Wowww thank you for sharing your story ❤

[@iw9338]

Thanks very much. Yes many lessons learned 😅❤

[@amymain2213]

He was responding like a man to a man. So familiar. Insecurities. Seeing everything as an affront. Confusing as a wife. There right now. So. Much. Control.

[@xbluesaintx]

Would you be willing to invite the husband on for his perspective on this story?

[@xbluesaintx]

It may seem like semantics, but I think this is important. It is certainly an error to see your husband or treat him as God. But the scripture does teach that the wife is to treat her husband as "kyrios" through Paul and Peter's Epistles.

[@amymain2213]

I want to know how the church walked thru this. And how he responded to church authority

[@momof1150]

So I don’t mean to be disrespectful, I want to understand…”what exactly are the biblical grounds to justify this divorce? Doesn’t there have to be infidelity, domestic violence or abandonment as a reason? This interview seems to imply it’s okay to divorce my husband for his spiritual immaturity.

[@leslievernick]

This is a good and fair question, especially in light of the fact that this is what the church has taught us to believe. I will offer you a few resources here but you can google Leslie's name and the topic and find a wealth of resources. And, as always, please do your own biblical research, too. I hope these resources will help to answer your question. - Julie leslievernick.com/blog/what-biblical-grounds-are-there-for-divorce-in-the-face-of-abuse/

[@leslievernick]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/bWSWc4p4ZtKcd7M I might also consider using your question for a future podcast episode.

[@leslievernick]

leslievernick.com/blog/what-are-the-definitions-for-divorce/

[@nickfox37]

What she describes is not just immaturity but Coercive control which is absolutely abuse.She doesn’t go into details of absolutely everything, understandably she has children.He has broken his vows to be faithful to her in his abuse of her. Thank you Elizabeth for bravely sharing your story.May God bless you and your family in the future. X