r/AITA for Letting My Brother Go Homeless?

[@Rj-ij6ko]

Story 2: This is hilarious. EVEN THE GRANDPARENTS agree that the console is safer at Op’s dad’s place. Op your mom and her husbands stance is literally “its not fair that you wont let your bratty step sister steal from you”. NTA i am for seeing you going LC/NC in future.

[@lorilancaster5917]

At her age maybe she can and her dad can convince the court to let her stay with her dad full time.

[@thunderflare59]

She is clearly favoring her step-daughter. OP needs to advocate to stay with her dad full time.

[@sophietremblay3795]

Agree

[@megawonszrzeczny9]

And the sister isn't even trying to look innocent Like How exactly did she find out the stuff was gone? Why was she looking for it? If that doesn't ring an alarming bell IDK what does

[@TwighlightLugia]

Had this shit happen to me as a kid. Items frequently stolen and sometimes broken out of spite by my half-sister and/or her grandma, and my mother also didn't give a shit. Guess which three women I'm no contact with lol

[@vanguardangel6912]

Story 3 - I don’t think anyone is an asshole, at least not intentionally. I’m very glad they sat down and talked. This seems less so a malicious attempt at avoiding responsibility on both sides and more so everyone stressing the hell out. Which is super understandable! Im probably very biased because I’m a very introverted person. I hope OP and his wife become closer and communicate better. And that her pregnancy goes well and their baby is happy and healthy!

[@MinusTheCoffee]

Of course the husband is the asshole don’t you know? He’s a man so he just the in the wrong rslash method of eating

[@marekvojta9648]

Well I don't understand it, the bunker was next to house so walking distance is zero zero nothing. There way intercom for immediate connection (maybe not so 'human', but definitely safer and easier) and if it was his only place in house. I just don't see a problem (only problem can be time spent in bunker vs with his wife)

[@Aderla22]

@@marekvojta9648 But he also works at the bunker (home office) if I understood correctly, so of course he'll spend a lot of time there.

[@Alycemuse]

Well in the complete story after the weeks of it he took the son into the bunker and started to go into the house and in a side project the wife will get her own shed and he got her to come down into the bunker to so she could relax and enjoyed it also the bunker is treated more like a office/man cave so he still spends about 6 hours of work time down there

[@vanguardangel6912]

@@Alycemuse oh my goodness! That’s such great news! My mom loves her she-shed and my dad loves his barn so I hope those two have the best time. Thank you so much for the update!!

[@silverflight01]

Story 4: You see, when a parent neglects a child for 18 years and then throws them out, they deserve to be admonished about it. The father just wants to look good, he doesn't care about OP, heck he probably would just vanish again and make up a lie

[@ShadowTaipan]

He's worried about his parents cutting contact? Seems like they tried to AND, tbph, that sounds like a win-win.

[@lorilancaster5917]

And what did the dad think would happen? Hey act like I haven’t neglected you and evicted you abruptly when you turn 18. No you won’t get anything from it but be thankful we are too god fearing to have killed you.

[@ShadowTaipan]

@@lorilancaster5917 For all we know, they only chose not to terminate for the same reason: saving face. Hard to say.

[@kaimagnus5760]

​@@ShadowTaipanI mean, OP outright said they were too religious to get an abortion. That doesn't mean their morality won out. That means they'd have looked bad at the church if they did.

[@thunderflare59]

I love that he just expected OP to lie without any skin in the game. Why would a child they neglected lie for their benefit?

[@DarkWolf22k]

Bunker Story - If I remember correctly OP works from home in the bunker for about 8h a day almost every day of the week... But nobody cares about that because the times she needs him is when he's at his job... You don't need to go into it but that's some important info (Also he cut his own hours to get more time with her which in his own words won't work for more than 3 months because he's able claim that time because his wife is pregnant but also can't stop working)

[@smorphous8928]

Story 2: I like how they try to make Op out to be the bad guy for moving her things to her fathers house but its clear as day why Op did it.

[@lorilancaster5917]

And it took years for them to realize. It took stepdad gossiping to his daughter about a game console she had no permission to use

[@lyzetteblackston2562]

I seriously cannot stand people who have no stable income yet they still keep having kids they can never build anything for their kids and it just divides the already limited attention. Its selfish honestly its not hard to not get knocked up make better choices people if you are in need of money how are you supposed to save anything if u have more than 6 kids who needs that many

[@lyzetteblackston2562]

Not to mention once you start collecting children they become almost like collectable action figures rather than whole human beings and statistically speaking increases their chances of being abused and neglected its sad

[@akl2k7]

Right? Birth control and condoms or a vasectomy. Both options are far cheaper than caring for a kid for 18 years. And since they're working minimum wage... I don't get people.

[@Ikajo]

You do know that oral contraceptives have been pretty hard to get in the USA, right? The real failure is not actually raising the kids and letting them run amok.

[@hankcyclone9442]

@@Ikajo you could also just quit raw dogging 🤷🏻

[@Milk-ck1wv]

​@@akl2k7birth control also has a big effect like gaining weight and etc

[@TheWeaponshold]

Story 3: It IS his office. And his gaming room. And the only place he is allowed to express himself it would seem. I am sorry you say that its cool to want his own space but he is not given that ANYWHERE ELSE in the house and that being back there sends the message he does not want to be there but what message does having 0 input on the rest of the house send? And nothing says the bunker is in the backyard! In fact to be able to run a home server and intercom there its likely this bunker is attached to the house. The fact that he AGAIN made sure to have a conversation with his wife about this to reaffirm he is going to be there and that he is no abandoning anything contradicts all the judgement being thrown at him. Going deeper and ACTUALLY READING the posts shows he is consistently putting in work to improve things. Trust me he feels browbeat by this point but the wife clearly has issues that cannot be easily resolved by OP. She complains about not being given gifts of a certain kind and not having a physical library of books. It SOUNDS LIKE having a kid has been tough on them both in different ways and that the prospect of a second on has them both in their feels. Its why OP is now talking about couple counseling and making even greater strides to not only share his space but even build her her own. He is not clueless, their communication has been bad. No one is trying to be an asshole but the lack of properly expressing themselves to each other caused a lot more friction than there should have been. 0/5 on both ends. They are just muddling through life much like many people and needed to take time to really communicate what was bothering the both of them which they did.

[@Tustin2121]

To be fair, OP did say that the entrance to the bunker was buried, which is not usually something said about a thing that is inside the house itself. It’s possible to run wires via conduit between the house and the bunker, even if it’s halfway across the yard. My dad did this to hook up my treehouse all the way in the back of the yard to electricity when I was a kid.

[@TheWeaponshold]

@@Tustin2121 That is true but you can bury something in many ways. But if so that means he went though great lengths to ensure that he is still available while in his little space. I really hope overall that a greater understanding between this couple is reached. No one here outright sucks they just need to grow together which is what a relationship ultimately is.

[@BadGuy_Bigby1217]

I’m glad to see I’m not the only person that feels this way. He’s actively trying to fix the situation and is there the moment his wife needs him, is it really so bad that he has his own private place to work on his hobbies?

[@nhshadow1]

Leave to R/slash to not give the complete context and judge a guy

[@adamb89]

Yeah no kidding the whole story I was thinking to myself "This chick is fucking nuts, why is this guy putting up with her shit?" and then rslash is like "YTA" um...what? NO. Holy crap I can't even imagine what kind of nightmarish relationship rslash is used to if THIS is his barometer. Maybe he needs to rethink his life.

[@jasonmomoa5124]

"Fourteen Kids" Family's raising an army over here

[@Chuckf66]

Vagina is not a clown car.

[@voutsider190]

An army of idiots

[@DarkStarCoreX]

They've been busy god damn

[@GauravMuralidharan]

To Berlin Comrades! URAAAAAAA!!!!

[@Yumi_Jay]

They are starting a sport team.

[@audreym3908]

Last story: OP 0/5 AH score but a 10/10 on the parent score. The late wife and her toxic family 5/5 AH score.

[@BadassHater1]

Yeah. Why would you want to put your child through ALL OF THIS?

[@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072]

My things is what was the boy thinking? That’s shooting himself in the foot! You mean to tell me that he didn’t know his own family was wickedIy opposed to this?!

[@AlexxeMJFAN]

Exactly ! OP is an amazing dad, the wife and her family are homophobic POS.

[@KingHayabusa384]

​@@mattybrunolucaszeneresalas9072What were you thinking while posting this nonsense?

[@grottymink7784]

I totally misread that. I thought you were calling him a bad parent when he was willing to divorce his wife of about thirty years to support his son.

[@olerisager1976]

Wait, so OP sees a pattern in them, and thus takes a decision on that… And the family, in their wisdom, does not want to break such patterns, and further worsening those thoughts? Genius. NTA.

[@itsOasus]

Story #1: If your siblings care SO MUCH about your struggling brother, then THEY CAN HELP THEM!!!

[@TheSimba86]

my aunt who hasn't spoken to us in decades needed to go into a nursing home and the family tried to guilt us into paying for it LOL if you care so much YOU pay for it, she hasn't had anything to do with us for decades and snobs us when we see her out and about. no idea why she stopped having anything to do with us either, won't tell us or speak to us period.

[@ReigoVassal]

People being generous with other people's time and money. Classic

[@prowlerrick007]

Story 1 I have helped my siblings and you get to a point where you just cant do it anymore. I let my brother live in my rental and he never paid rent and did 10k worth of damage to it and I the bad guy for evicting him.

[@crazyinsane500]

We should start calling that the Reddit Rule or something, because that's *always* the armor piercing solution. "Oh, you want ME to take care of them? I will. By getting them a greyhound to YOUR house so they can stay with YOU since you're the one concerned."

[@Avrysatos]

They are always generous when it doesn't mean any sacrifice to them..... but the moment you ask them to put up or shut up suddenly there are so many excuses.

[@hershy1594]

For the bunker story, it's a 0/5 from me. He uses the bunker for 5-6 hours of work and an hour of fun time a day. Once he explained that to his wife, she seemed to get it. This is why updates are great.

[@alexalverez9532]

Rslash is just playing White Knight again. Those times don't seem at all unreasonable. From what I heard in a couple other comments the wife would ask for OP's help while he was working as well

[@lasserasmussen3125]

I feel like each time there is a "neglectful" parent, Rslash is going down on them hard, even when the thing is minor.

[@dragonriderabens9761]

@@lasserasmussen3125 he's always been like that he once gave someone teasing their cat with a treat a 5/5 and called it abuse

[@lShadow426l]

@@lasserasmussen3125 unless it's a woman physically and emotionally abusing a boy, then it's only 3/5 AH where as mild sexism from a guy is 4/5

[@Altoryu]

@@alexalverez9532 The return of Hot Take Rslash? Oh goody

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 2: I love how your mom is trying to play dumb to the situation even though she knew what was going on. She never asked for permission and always breaks your stuff almost as if it was on purpose, so obviously you don't leave the valuables over there for her to destroy, that just common sense. And to your stepdad if he doesn't like what you have to say about his daughter than maybe he should raised her better given that they know she's destroying your stuff but just shrug it off and say you need to share. She doing this on purpose by actively looking for all your most valuable items for years, your mom had an opportunity to stop this but she didn't so now you're going to do it your way. Your mom lives in a fantasy world where you're a pushover, you just brought her back to reality and she's mad because she knows there's nothing she can do about it.

[@Graves933]

Hey, r/slash. If youre going to read stories with updates, dont summarize them if youre leaving out important info. Read the full update. In the update it comes out that he moves his gaming stuff to the living room, he offered to build her a shed and she made one in the sims where she can have all her books in with a nice U couch, as she hadn't gotten physical copies of books in awhile and felt upset. He takes the kid down there for a few hours and gives her time alone, and she even comes down with him now. She felt like she was getting herself back because the kid is ageing up but she got pregnant again and felt really upset and like she was gunna be a mom forever. They worked out a faily decent compromise and i dont know why Rslash wouldn't add that wholesome part to the story?

[@excessivelyfangirlingbookw3339]

Thanks for including the update! That does indeed shed a very different light in the entire situation.

[@jackmanleblanc2518]

Because he has a heavy bias

[@demonsparton117]

I was wondering about that and I'm glad someone found it and read the update properly for us. Even without the update I didn't think OP was the AH. I mean what's the difference between the bunker and something like a big garrage separate from the house? What if OP spent tons of time working on cars or something and made it a special space? I won't assume that everyone would react differently to that idea but I didn't think all this "symbolic" leaving of the house made any sense as if that was more away than if OP had his own room in the house. Besides, his wife's space was the house in general from. The sounds of it. It's not the same but it definitely felt like they could just talk it over and work something out as it even sounded like OP took their wife's concerns seriously and already started adjusting so clearly OP was already open to working things out. It just wasn't clear the first time how much needed to change because of a miscommunication or an unknown factor that didn't come out until after the first time they talked. That happens and sometimes everything isn't fixed after a first talk in a way that doesn't even make it anyone's fault. Right now I think Rslash actually deserves 1.5/5 here for misrepresenting OP here and being too harsh when it's clear OP is trying and the update showed that they reached a compromise already.

[@Graves933]

@@jackmanleblanc2518 yeah, I've been noticing that recently. I listen to Mark narrations who read the full update lol.

[@_.hybrids._1680]

@@Graves933who’s Mark so I can go watch his videos?

[@davesaylor7829]

Story 2: I have a similar story. I think I was about 14 or 15 at the time. My stepfather had a 2 page list of psychological issues. On top of this, he liked to smoke crack. He was a binge user; so his thievery was consistent, but not constant. I got pretty good at predicting his binges, and one day he was asking too many questions about my game consoles. So I packed up every game related thing I had and took it to my dad's; and let my mom know to be wary. My stepdad actually called me at my dad's to ask where all the games/consoles went. I told him "I brought them with me so you can't steal them." He called this "a bitch move." I just laughed at him; said he'd have to find someone else to rob for his crack habit, and hung up. I still have all my consoles; I no longer have a stepdad.

[@abiean222]

a true bitch move is stealing from children

[@SGRODmaster]

Story 3: I hear a lot about men getting married and then being made to cast aside all their stuff and interests in favor of a household where the wife decides the decor and contents. No one wants to live in a place that they have no say in. This is where the man cave trend comes from. Treat your partner as an equal in all things, and they won't be running off to do their own thing

[@thetruth1816]

1000% facts

[@MinusTheCoffee]

But but but the man must do everything and anything the wife says otherwise he isn’t doing his job as a father - rslash 2023

[@bladerunner3314]

Back when we moved in, my GF later wife now ex wife said I should do the decorating, and I did, except for the room she slept and worked in - I tend to snore and need sound to fall asleep, she needs quiet, so we only shared a bed at the weekend. Funny enough, I never told her she can't add to the other rooms, which she did in forms of hanging pictures - her door was the only one with a poster on the outside, like a teen, I let her. But when I told her to be more tidy - i.e. not let trash, used items like pencils or noteboks lying around or unanswered mail she ranted how she has "no space to express myself". Some people just don't want to be happy, she's gone, I'm happy

[@bella-rolland]

agree he would've stayed in the house more if he felt welcomed there

[@SLOTHSRIDEUNICORNS]

*HAPPY SPOUSE HAPPY HOUSE*

[@hmspretender]

Story 3: You HAVE to look up the update(s) for this story. It turned out rather well. They had poor then good talks. OP realized that how he was taught how a good husband should be was actually the bare minimum, he is growing, and so are they together. I believe counseling was going to start soon too.

[@Doodles2345]

Except everyone is still shitting on OP for being the worst person imaginable in that update on reddit which I don't get The wife is enjoying the time she is spending with him.

[@C.G.Gaster]

​​@@Doodles2345ause they're redditors. Don't get me wrong, I use reddit a lot, but they tend to be quite stubborn and rude. Unable to change their opinions unless the bandwagon does.

[@joeschmo622]

The bunker story was updated long ago. The Opie and The Wife talked it out, they got much better at communicating, she got way more free time for herself, and even The Wife and The Kid spent time in Der Bunker, and all was well in Mudville.

[@LRosieB]

In story 3, I think the husband hasn’t gone too far yet, especially since he sat down with his wife and communicated with her about (presumably) both of their needs. Assuming this is where he goes to do his work, how is it much different than actually going to work. Also, it seems like his wife has full permission to create her own equivalent space inside their house.

[@Ikajo]

Even if she creates the space, she can't use it without OP stepping up. And OP wasn't just working down there. He spent almost all his time there. Imagine if the guy was spending the time at a gym or at a bar instead. Not giving his wife a chance to decompress and also leave the house. Because she still has to be responsible for the house.

[@Parrapette]

​@Ikajo you have responded to almost every comment about this story with the same points that make it seem like you didn't actually listen to the story

[@RenniganEagle]

​@@Parrapettehe has white knight syndrome. Unless OP abandons the bunker and spends 100% of his time pandering to his wife like a man slave, this guy won't be satisfied.

[@MinusTheCoffee]

@@Ikajo he spent 6 hours a day on average there, less than your average work day minus the travel to the office, please explain how it is an issue

[@BadGuy_Bigby1217]

@@MinusTheCoffee They've been repeating the same comments on others'. I don't think they care.

[@RambleAnimations]

I can’t even lie I disagree with story 3 OP hasn’t “gone too far” in any direction, if he had continued to spend all his time in the bunker and refused to compromise, then yes he’d be the AH, but he’s been still doing chores and spending time with the kids even prior to the wife being worried. Then on top of that he even says he’s been spending more time in the house in general too, and his wife’s ultimate solution for him is to just… not spend time in the bunker he spent countless amounts of dollars renovating on?No it’s definitely just pregnancy hormones talking, because she didn’t even really have a problem till she got pregnant. It’s not like he’s never coming up and being hostile, there’s an intercom and he’s up there many times, and going somewhere else outside the house to have fun or be alone doesn’t illicit the thought of “they don’t want to be here with me” that’s just false because the bunker (i’m assuming) is still within the confines of the house so i don’t know why that was said. All in all the wife is just being clingy during her pregnancy and i can’t fault her for that, it’s a stressful thing to deal with, so NAH. Edit: on reddit OP says to spend at least 6 hours a day in the bunker for work alone, and at least 4 hours on weekends. While this doesn’t change my verdict or stance at all, as my parents spend a lot of time away from the house for work, even more than OP does, i do want to say that OP should talk to his wife and find some common ground. Because he is justified in working from home there and having some downtime, and his wife is also justified in being somewhat worried about him. He also says he’s there “when he can be” which, while i can see this looking like he’s being neglectful, and fully agree he should allocate more time to his family, it’s apparent he’s making an effort but needs to try a little harder.

[@yabe-kfptentacultist]

Looking at the reddit post its overwhelmingly negative.

[@mv_03]

To me this doesn't sound any different from a garage or a shed to work on cars or do woodwork. He even has a system for his wife to easily communicate so I don't see the problem.

[@Thememester439]

I agree, even if the bunker is in the back yard, if he had a wood shed that he did woodwork in that's in the back yard, if they had a deck or a hammock that he'd go sit on or take naps in that's in the yard too, it's the hormones for sure

[@lShadow426l]

Rslashes stupid comment on "where's the wifes bunker" The house, the house is hers to decorate any way she wants and the bunkers is his to decorate any way he wants. The guy compromises as much as possible but the fact people are calling him the asshole for at least wanting *a day* shows me there more pissed he has a cool building to himself, they probably wouldn't act like this if it was just the garage.

[@Hunglikeagrimsmo]

​@lShadow426l and the bunker isn't even just for him since the kids play in it and love it. This is just another case of people rslash showing his feminist side and what he's like IRL 😂

[@smilinmadman]

Story 3, I feel like everyone is on OPs head for having a man cave. He did say the wife took over the house and modeled it to her taste. Meaning that OP feels comfortable and safe in his bunker. I feel like if it was a room in the house. She would still have a problem. Yes OP needs to be there for his wife and child, but this seems unnecessary to bombard him. Bro just wants what we all want, a place just for Us.

[@agentmaryland1239]

rSlash just being biased towards the wife because she's a pregnant mom and he's a dad. Kind of a crappy excuse to give her a slide and crash down on a guy who just wants a little time alone to decompress.

[@MinusTheCoffee]

@@agentmaryland1239 yep 100%, the story had no where enough info to properly judge the story but based on what we see it seems the husband is making effort to change and fix things in the relationship and family. But because rslash believes every man in a parenting relationship is wrong

[@pageclayton6850]

Yea, the top comment got me "If you have a bunker that you can decorate where's your wife's bunker?" Bro it's literally THE REST OF THE HOUSE

[@MinusTheCoffee]

@@pageclayton6850 but but but the kids live there so it’s not hers, even though she has full reign to do whatever she wants and change what she wants and boss her husband around to do what she wants 🤡

[@abiean222]

OP is the asshole if they spend all their time in the bunker, but if they don't then they aren't. honestly, i think OP needs a room in the house for himself, there is this weird mental thing where even though he is just in the back yard, it still feels like he isn't home. also, how far away from the house is the bunker? if its like a 10 minute walk away from the house then that means while he is out there he can't come and help and be with the family right away. that story needs more information before we can make a finial judgment, i think.

[@luvondarox]

S3 There was an extension to the story in which it turned out he was spending the majority of his days in the bunker, both working from home, gaming after, and everything but sleeping and doing house chores. Reddit shamed him into actually _communicating_ with his wife and stepping up to help with parenting.

[@KellyDVance]

2nd Story: OP did tell her mom. Her mom did nothing but enable the step-sister's behavior. I wouldn't be surprised if OP goes low/no contact with her mom once she reaches adulthood.

[@walterblack8057]

With the bunker story.. he explained.. the bunk was fitted for him and his taste as the house is fitted for her taste. He enjoys the bunker as she has the whole house to enjoy. We need time for ourselves as well.

[@anonimus8375]

Its not a matter of place, it's a matter of time and effort. He says he helps with the chores and the kid *when he's in the house*. According to his own info, he spends at least (not only), six hours in it per day plus at least four hours each day on the weekend. OP's wife doesn't get four hours of downtime and relaxation on the weekend and while everyone is assuming that his wife doesn't work, the post doesn't say that. Even if she does, I can't imagine having your spouse at home every day and only seeing him for meals or when he decides he's had enough alone time or when he's ready for bed. The vast majority of childcare and household management are undoubtedly on his wife's shoulders even if he does "chores". So no, his wife being in the house and cleaning, cooking, taking care of the baby and maybe even working herself is not the equivalent of OP working and hanging out in his man cave.

[@kevintull3302]

​@@anonimus8375 And you know that the 6 and 4 hours are for work? OPs wife is the A-hole. A huge A-hole for even threatening to seal the bunker His HOME OFFICE.

[@IamtheSpy2005]

@@anonimus8375Luigi says: If he does chores, he goes beneath the floors 👌

[@RenniganEagle]

​@anonimus8375 you're forgetting the part where OP says he works from home in there so you need to factor in that time as well. If that's part of the 6 hours a day, then he's not just in there to fuck around and since OP works from home in there, that's still 10 hours a day he's in the house awake if you assume he sleeps for 8 hours a day. That's a whole 10 hours of him hanging with his kid, doing housework or hanging with his wife. You've got white knight syndrome bro

[@MinusTheCoffee]

@@anonimus8375 he’s working you moron, what if he had to go work a normal 9-5 everyday? He would be out of the house for even longer everyday and not be close enough to come help with anything through the day.

[@dwarfwithinternetaccess]

As a dwarf, I enjoy listening to these stories while doing dwarf things, such as mining.

[@BronzeDragon133]

Tell Snow I said hi, and I could use a princess maiden myself. Applications accepted.

[@TikiDragon1]

Hi ho

[@Ahrpigi]

Diggy Diggy Hole, or Rock and Stone?

[@TheLordofMetroids]

That's going in the book!

[@updateguypls1088]

@@Ahrpigi DID I HEAR A ROCK AND STONE!?

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 4: OP, your parents were going to drop you come the next opportunity. It's not your responsibility to keep their shameful actions a secret, you don't owe them that they did you wrong. They didn't even tried to fake into your face, just enough to get you the show up.

[@chrishusted9296]

As im seeing others say, the guy in the bunker story was actually pretty reasonable. He helps with the kid, he's on the wire if she needs him for literally anything, and he forfeited his say in the house decor and stuff, the wife is in the wrong.

[@TanookiSuit]

Bingo, said the same thing now that I caught this. rslash is wrong and wrong in quoting that clown who attacked OP (given OP is being honest)

[@africanwilddog6685]

yeah I was looking for a comment like this!! op also mentioned how the house is decorated to his wife’s tastes, which could mean that he didn’t feel like he had a place of his own in his own house. and yeah, he helped out his wife and kid so I wouldn’t consider him as neglectful. I guess I kinda imagine being inside the bunker as a dad working in their garage once in a while, but idk lol

[@davesvoboda2785]

I'll go one further. I'll bet she's cheating.

[@chrishusted9296]

@Dave Svoboda I wouldn't go that far but the wife's behavior here is pretty sus I have to admit.

[@SherlocksLeftNipple]

If rSlash had actually read the full update, you'd know that's a bad take. OP is taking no initiative in raising the kid, doesn't cook, doesn't clean most of the house, doesn't relieve her of childcaring duties (the kid never goes into the bunker with him), doesn't take his wife out on dates anymore, and never lets HER have a few hours to herself to just read an actual, real book in peace. The wife is, understandably, getting absolutely fed up with the husband basically acting like a gamerbro in his mancave, only popping back out, when she tells him to do his chores or come eat dinner, and otherwise disappearing from the marriage entirely. The mental load of actually running the household is entirely on the wife, and OP himself admits that he had been doing the barest of minimums as a husband and expected that to be everything he had to do to keep his wife happy. The way he's trying to fix that is to actually spend time with his kid, cook a few times a week, take his wife out on dates again, and gift the bookworm he married actual books that she likes instead of just sticking her with a Kindle and calling it a day. Go listen to the full story over at Lost Genre's channel or somewhere similar. You're missing context here.

[@paullucas4068]

My wife and I helped my brother out back in 2006 when he was homeless he repayed us by stealing from us he damaged doors and walls and then went to the police and told them I assaulted him when I told him I wanted him out. Luckily my wife was there as a witness so nothing ever came of it. He left some stuff of his behind I gave him 2 weeks to collect it and he never did so I sold anything that was worth anything to pay for the damage he caused and I binned the rest of it. He tried the same thing with our sister aswell. I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire now!

[@jaggedlittlepearl8635]

Jesus! With Brothers like that who needs enemies.

[@kevinmencer3782]

My dad's brother stayed with us for a couple months once. He filled our house with his crap, to the point where we could barely use our own home, and generally was a massive nuisance the entire time.

[@paullucas4068]

@@jaggedlittlepearl8635 yeah he's a waste of space. He's done all kinds of things to people and not just to family

[@ZombieSazza]

Story 2: LMAO your mother called her mum, your gran, for her “opinion”, and then got upset when she was proven wrong, then got butthurt when called out on her crappy behaviour. I see you going no contact in the future. OP, you should advocate for yourself to stay with your father full time.

[@MadameMeowth]

Story 4: OH honey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your parents never wanted to rekindle anything, they just wanted to show you off and pretend you're all a big happy family. I am so sorry they treated you like this. ❤❤❤

[@maranathaschraag5757]

That last story - that wasn't cancer. that was toxic bigotry that killed her. She seriously found out that she's dying and pushed her only son away because he doesn't conform to what she wants. WTaF? OP should look at the rift between the families for what it is - a barrier to keep him away from hateful aholes who hate his son for literally no reason. Curious how the daughter feels about the son...

[@paxhumana2015]

LGBTQ is bigotry if that is the case. Also, anyone that says otherwise knows nothing about how the movement works.

[@condorboss3339]

The only way OP would be the bad guy is if he DIDN'T sit with his son. No way he should allow his son to be ostracized, but being away from that family is a good thing. I hope OP lives in a large enough community that he has other options to associate with. Also, I'd like to know what the daughter thinks.

[@Eerie_Buneary]

I never understood how a parent could raise their kid for years but can suddenly throw away any love once they find out they're homosexual. Was the goal not to raise a happy, healthy child? Do any of these kinds of homophobic people seek help? I genuinely want to know since I doubt every single one of these kinds of parents have no remorse for feeling hateful towards their kid.

[@michaelrobertson4896]

Toxic bigotry yes but also karma for being an absolutely terrible piece of human garbage.

[@kranberry3318]

⁠@@Eerie_Buneary Apparently, some realize they’re wrong later down the line and make amends. Those who don’t just show their love is conditional, which is wrong. A parent’s love should be UNconditional. They suck.

[@beautifulmidnight]

I fucking love listening to Dabney slooowly changing to sarcastic Karen voice mid post. Chef kiss.

[@ExcelInstructor]

The bunker story: I'm on Ops side. I completely understand the "fortres of solitude" vibe. If IOnly had money and /or connections I would buy A land in the most desolated place on earth,get starling internet and lived there.and if I would have a wife I would simply take her with me.

[@Ikajo]

So OP gets to spend time on his own but his wife always has to be the adult in the house. Dude.

[@ExcelInstructor]

Not what I meant. Please read my comment again. I simply saying I understand the need and want of being secluded from the world. I bet if Op could he would extend the bunker closed the door and simply test with family from the whole world.

[@BrutallyObscura]

​@@Ikajo op made it very blatant he still helps around the house and with the children.

[@MinusTheCoffee]

@@Ikajo what a straw man lol, the guy said he helps out with the kids as much as he can and spends most of the time In his den working, you know providing for his family…. And where is his wife’s den, the whole house???? He literally said she got to decorate and organise the house how she liked

[@metademetra]

On the bunker story: I think r/slash is off-base with calling OP neglectful, but I think the comment section is off-base with calling the wife controlling. It sounds to me like the problem is the wife that WFH is still A JOB. And they both seemed to come to an understanding when they talked it out.

[@Hybrid301]

I love all these stories of “I ruined a buthole’s plans because they never told me there was a plan” Apparently, everyone is suppose to be able to read minds after 18.

[@Vincent_Beers]

Assholes assume you'll be an asshole and automatically lie to make them look good. Get fucked by honest people who can't be bothered to lie.

[@michaelrobertson4896]

Even if he was in on the plan he still should have ruined it because those parents are scum, plain and simple. OP was under no obligation to lie especially when it benefited the scumbags that threw him out at 18 to fend for himself. Fortunately the Aunt allowed him to live with her but still. Parents that do that deserve to be shunned and scorned because they are human garbage.

[@abiean222]

i love these stories too, so glorious.

[@DarkEinherjar]

Story 4: my thoughts exactly. These pieces of human filth only contacted OP so they could use him as a prop for that reunion, and would probably go back to pretending he didn't exist afterwards. Go back to no contact, OP. You're better off without them in your life.

[@chevgage6210]

The entire house was the wife's space and he has no vote in it. If the wife wants him in the shared space, it should feel like a shared space. He just wanted to be in a space that he felt he belonged in.

[@gooddypm]

I’m sorry, but the bunker story IMO neither are wrong. R/Slash asks “where is the wife’s ‘bunker’?” THE WHOLE EFFING HOUSE. You are quite right he should spend more time in the house. So the wife won’t mind him taking over a room for the home server and a space for repairing computers. She won’t mind will she.

[@Graves933]

Thats what I'm saying. As a woman if I got the WHOLE house to decorate I'd be ecstatic but also kinda concerned. My partner also has to live there so he should get to decorate too seeing as he has to see it everyday as well, does he not plan on being around here much? Like the mental load and everything is completely understandable abut the dude has ONE room to himself, not his fault its underground in my opinion

[@zachary6425]

Exactly. I'm so sick of the double standard. The husband has a bunker, he's the butthole. Wife has the whole fucking house, everything is fine.

[@symonlyons854]

Omg I was gonna write a fucking essay on this story but u beat me plz plz get this comment to top

[@jennteal5265]

This is _exactly_ why my husband gets nearly the entire basement to do with what he wants (no worries - it's finished) and then nearly our entire garage as well. A guy _needs_ his own space just as much as a girl does. Let him have his freaking bunker. If my husband had HIS own bunker that all the kids loved, I'd be SO PROUD

[@plovergrrl]

I don't think rslash was saying where's her physical bunker, it's the ability to escape. If OP takes turns caring for their kid in a way that allows his wife to use the house as "her bunker" then I think you're right, but especially given the update I think it's more that he's being too absent and needs to help out more, give his wife a break from childcare allowing her to escape, etc. Still not a major asshole move since he is trying to communicate and be better. Sounds more like a misunderstanding to me.

[@eric98292]

For story 2, the fact that the step sister spent years looking for OPs nice personal items to streal shows why she's NTA. Her step sister is a thief and bully.

[@ThePirateprincess23]

Story 3: I think OP is NTA. He really is only using the bunker for work plus a short amount of time to decompress after. It is not like he was going there from sun up to sundown, like the workaholic dad in a previous AITA episode. OP also finds the time to do his share of the chores around the house and spend time with his family. I think the wife's pregnancy hormones were kicking in and she was just taking it out on OP.

[@onyxdragon1179]

Bunker story: No, no, just NTA. His wife dpes have a bunker - the whole house! And there is nothing suggesting that OP spends his whole day in the bunker. He fulfills his responsibilities in the house, plays with his son... Everyone deserves their own space. This is more of a pregnant wife being overwhelmed because of her pregnancy - or worse, a controlling wife.

[@curvygirllalaflame]

exactly

[@Grouchbox]

The wife's "bunker" contains kids, chores, and ways for her to serve others. OP's bunker is about OP focusing on what OP wants, and avoiding his wife and kids. How are these equivalent?

[@MjaoZor]

Did you listen to the story the KIDS LOVE IT His nephews and friends children AKA not his child, his wife is pregnant AGAIN nowhere in this story is he mentioning bringing the child to the bunker for his wife to be alone, ever. You said it yourself everyone deserves their own space, sadly she does not have one.

[@mariposa9506]

Oh yes, the place where I feed and bathe and chase kids and cook and clean is my "special place".😂

[@Grouchbox]

@@mariposa9506 Absolutely! Having a vagina means serving others is us relaxing, because clearly we do not deserve even an instant of downtime.

[@tawnyacosta9091]

First Story: NTA. If they care SO MUCH for BROTHER and his MANY CHILDREN then THEY CAN HELP! It's not Op's fault the other siblings keep producing and making stupid decisions. Last Story: NTA. Ignore those scums who can't get out of the " dark ages "! Op, you are such a great parent to support your son. Keep being a great support to your children, both of them :) Let your wife and those flying monkeys rot!

[@DigitalCowboy000]

I've heard the bunker story before. It was glossed over that the OP works remotely out of the bunker. If the OP wasn't working remotely out of the bunker but driving to a "normal" job. He'd be unreachable for way more than six hours a day. Did the one Reddit commenter miss that the OP's wife has decorated the house how she wants?

[@malachieclipse9507]

Last story: not only are they dumb and wrong, most of the time they form those opinions based on outdated information, and never question anything when they learn because how could their parents and family be wrong

[@666Vampirefromhell]

Story 3: Uh, no. No no no. OP is not neglecting their wife OR their kids. They clearly do not spend their every spare minute in that bunker. Heck, they even point out that they do help with house chores, spend time with their wife and kids outside the bunker and even spend LESS time in the bunker now in order to be more accommodating to their family. As for that "Where's your wife's bunker" comment, her bunker is the entire effing house. She gets to have the whole house done up to her personal liking while OP only does that with a bunker. And, to top the cake, OP has an intercom linked directly to the house, meaning they're a literal button push away. NTAH, this is unreasonable of people to villainise OP.

[@stunfire]

Story 3: the house is her bunker! Silly top comment

[@Ikajo]

And what about the kid? Can she hide away to do things on her own? This is less about the physical space and more about division of labour. Any time OP goes into the bunker, he leaves all the childcare and household management to his wife. She doesn't get to check out from it all and hide away. Lock herself away for a few hours doing something she like. OP does. It would be the same if OP were constantly leaving the house for a hobby and his wife couldn't do the same.

[@Ty-Inari]

@@Ikajo the post is really vague and i could be wrong but it sounds like OP is handling the kid on occasion

[@givewarachance2001]

@@Ikajo Sounds like a skill issue. The kid will understand once he builts his own bunker.

[@BunchyPanther42]

Bruh, op literally said that his son plays down there sometimes too and he loves it, and Op literally said that before his wife brought it up, he was already doing all his chores and would come up if called on the intercom immediately. If the wife needs a break from the kid then just send the kid down to the bunker with Op. simple

[@stunfire]

@Ikajo you are overthinking this. It's simple: pregnancy hormones. She's not thinking straight, nothing about this is really an issue considering he isn't refusing to help in any way.

[@stalinbeballin9711]

I kinda feel like the bunker is a part of the house. I mean, should men get mad when a woman has a she-shed? That's basically what the bunker is, just made out of *impenetrable concrete*. People need a place to go by themselves, and his wife would probably complain about him overtaking a room of the house too Let's say he used a spare room, she'd probably complain about him spending too much time in there

[@BronzeDragon133]

I have an office. My husband has an office. Same thing. No complains here. We have interactions down to a science. March into the other offince and announce, "Get naked, we're going to f*." It usually takes him five seconds to get his clothes off.

[@stalinbeballin9711]

@@BronzeDragon133 Yes, because you two have a healthy, loving relationship. Unfortunately, most people don't

[@gabeitch2694]

That’s exactly the point. She doesn’t seem upset about the fact that he has a space of his own in the first place, but the thing it results in which the the brunt of childcare being lobbed on her and her spouse not being able to help her or remain close to her. The only reason she wanted the bunker sealed is so that the husband didn’t have an excuse to slag off when the new baby arrived. It seems you’ve misinterpreted the premise of the situation

[@BronzeDragon133]

@@gabeitch2694 It sounds like you're reading a lot into the situation that wasn't stated specifically and that the update also doesn't imply.

[@BronzeDragon133]

@@stalinbeballin9711 Totally agreed. Most people don't bother to put in the work to establish proper boundaries and figure out how the relationship should operate.

[@alphaslayer9309]

I disagree with the 3rd story. The wife gets an entire house to decorate and stuff husband has a small bunker with a direct line to him. If he starts doing the stuff he does in the bunker in the house she will most likely go ballistic at him as well

[@JB-ew6pi]

Agreed! We have no evidence stating OP is spending too much time in the bunker. All we hear is the wife accusing him and threatening to seal his personal property from him. Sounds like controlling and/or jealousy to me.

[@qdllc]

Exactly. She can have the house, and she condemns her husband for having his place. I wonder if this will get worse after the birth…even if he does more than most others to help with the child and spend time with her.

[@BronzeDragon133]

Totally agreed. If my husband tried to seal off my office and deny me my gaming computer, painting area, sculpture area, and electronics creation area...there would be war. He'd never do that. It would cost him his office with the gaming computer, tabletop games area, gaming figurines area, and so on. :-) This sounds like the wife has a control issue. My husband is free to stop in or call over at any time for Happy Fun Time, information, to chat, or whatever. Ditto for me. And we do that frequently, but we don't criticize each others' personal spaces. On the up side, we both need a lot of alone time and are very compatible people on that point.

[@swirus80]

Exactly, why don't people see how normalized it is for the wife to take over the whole house and do as she pleases? This sends a clear message "this is my house, you are nothing but an accessory and an ATM". We need our stuff and our places too. Honestly, I'm certain that this is one of the main reasons for men distancing themselves, the feeling of not belonging, being a pushover, having nothing for yourself because this or that

[@luvondarox]

There was an extension to the story in which it turned out he was spending the majority of his days in the bunker, both working from home, gaming after, and everything but sleeping and doing house chores. Reddit shamed him into actually _communicating_ with his wife and stepping up to help with parenting.

[@davesaylor7829]

Story 3: To the people saying "the house isn't a space away from the kids." What stops her from claiming one of the rooms as her space? She's got the whole house. Even if it's just her bedroom, teach the kids "This is mommy's quiet space." When she needs to tag out for a bit, call hubby on the intercom (he said he always comes when called), and have a break in her room.

[@lilliematthews7922]

Or she be could send the kids to the bunker. OP said the kids love the bunker too

[@Ikajo]

Because someone still needs to watch the kids. OP spent hours upon hours locked away in a bunker. He certainly didn't bring his own kid into it. Just neighbourhood kids and his nephews. If they didn't have kids or if their kids were teens, maybe it would be more feasible. But as it is, OP is leaving all the actual work to his wife.

[@curvygirllalaflame]

op also lets the kids play in the dunker including nieces and nephews. sooo it not even only his

[@curvygirllalaflame]

@@lilliematthews7922 exactly

[@curvygirllalaflame]

@@Ikajo you didnt pay attention because his kids plus his nieces and nephews come and play in the bunker.

[@the_furred_dragon7930]

No Rslash, the wife already got the house as her domain. OP in story 3 need that bunker as his domain to unwind and be himself. The wife is kinda selfish and controlling, but that maybe just the pregnancy hormone

[@Ikajo]

And the wife doesn't need a place to wind down and be herself? She is not alone in the house when OP is in the bunker. She is still having to be a mom. Still have to be handling everything else. Not given the space to wind down and be herself. That's the issue. Not the space itself. If OP spent hours every day in the gym it would be the same issue.

[@threecards333]

It sounds like the bunker is his office. This means his commute time is a couple means rather than hours.

[@Liz-ch8je]

@@Ikajo one the whole house is a winde down in space also he uses the bunker as an office. Geez😂

[@WinterBoots15]

⁠@@Liz-ch8jefr i thought the 1st comment made it very clear 😂

[@TJDious]

OP3: Your wife is playing a sitcom relationship game. You have your own private space and she cant stand it. Screw her. "Where's your wife's equivalent?" The house. He said that.

[@dragance9995]

Exactly. She has the whole house but that doesn't fit their "women good men bad" mentality so they just ignore it. 🤣

[@blackrex828]

The second story "My Stuff" the mom deserves an extra 0.5 points added because she's treating her own flesh and blood like a step child that needs to play nice with the other kids. We all know when Op turns 15 they're moving in with their father full time and I won't blame for it.

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

Dude with the bunker finally understood his wife's POV, his wife understood his POV, and now he shares the bunker with the family, especially his son - and even his wife likes it.

[@sawyerawr5783]

ngl, I feel like that's kind of a loss for OP. From the sounds of it that's the one space that's his. I'm not saying he's in the right...though he admitted he got the balance wrong and was working on it, which is good. He's allowed to have a space that is his own though. That's one thing I've never understood: people like having things that are their own. why shouldn't he get one?

[@sakiefox7250]

Im saying this as a woman, the bunker story i see no problem with. He has a bunker, she has the ENTIRE house to decorate and make a room to her liking as well. I think its just the pregnancy hormones, especially since hes doing his part in chores and child raising as well. He would have obviously lessened his time there even further once the baby is born.

[@MinusTheCoffee]

I love how rslash talks about how he reads the comments all the time and really takes in what people are saying. But people have been complaining about his double standards based on gender like in story 3 for months almost a year now, with no mention or change from rslash

[@bajablastme9240]

Rslash will never pull his head out of his ass. His white knight bs is really ridiculous

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 1: mom wanting your brother that screw you over by living off of you while his kid destroy your house sounds like a fair argument. And we're all of these family member giving you so much crap you would think one of them would step up in your place but I guess not, you don't owe your brother or anyone anything. I would suggest having him sign a lease but clearly that doesn't do anything when they come to your brother.

[@kninenights]

Story 4: dude. He said that she *did* have her own space. She decorated the house and spends her time there, he decorated and spends time in the bunker. Sure he could show up more often but it’s not a frickin crime to just spend time in an area that’s yours

[@BDM276]

It's not her space, it's the space where she takes care of the kid(s). Smartest thing they can do for their marriage is turn the bunker into a playroom for the kids. That way they both get a break

[@kninenights]

@@BDM276 the kids *do* spend time in the bunker. He said so! The family and neighbor kids love the bunker too. It’s not like he’s secluded with no other people around.

[@AnymousScreams]

I believe he also said the majority of his time is working while in the bunker, too. OP was never given a space for himself, and while it's great he's helping his family more, she also never let herself have a space in the house catered to her taste. OP explained in the update to his wife that that was his office, and she calmed down. he only plays an hour of video games and works 5-6 hours a day in his office.

[@lorilancaster5917]

And OP said he helps with chores and tends to their son. He isn’t abandoning anyone. OP even said he’s started spending more time in the home and it’s still not enough for her. Since the property is in OPs name he can make a stance that wife cannot do anything to the bunker

[@zacharyjackson1829]

yeah that's kinda where i was thinking BUT how hard is it to keep the kid with you in your bunker? be an active dad in your safe space. I've seen many awesome dads try to involve their kids in their spaces whether it be a streamer that keeps his baby directly on him with aa harness or a crib next to them. the son in this case sounds old enough to have a nice little play area in the bunker. I do agree the compromise should be in the middle and not the father simply abandoning the bunker on his end to always stay in the house

[@suzannepottsshorts]

Story one: you could always have a lawyer draw up a rental agreement. They'll probably get mad and not sign or get mad after getting evicted.

[@BigT.Larrity]

Better to not let them get one foot in the door period, even with a clear rental agreement they probably wouldn't leave without a prolonged and expensive for the owner fight

[@DarkStarCoreX]

Dad in story 4 needs to grow up. I don't care if he gets embarrassed, they kicked OP out on their birthday, and now he expects OP to lie so the wittle baby doesn't get embawwased. Screw that father, he needs to grow up.

[@zarnex_xiii]

Bunker story: The guy is NTA he does care about his wife and goes to her when needed and interacts with his family, but we all need our personal space and im glad that he had talked to his wife to fix things

[@danielllleX]

Story #3…..The house is the wife’s bunker, and it seems unhealthy that she can’t let her spouse have some downtime. Will likely have detrimental effects on the relationship for her to deny him downtime on his own.

[@BronzeDragon133]

Yeah, I see divorce from a controlling wife in the future, or a very unhappy husband.

[@gabeitch2694]

How can the house be her bunker if it isn’t a space away from the kids? Ideally, if they both need space they would arrange for each of them to have the same amount of time without the kids and the other partner, not just it being completely one sided.

[@Kingdo_RGT]

@@gabeitch2694 Well, the bunker isn't a space away from the kid. OP said that his kid and their friends love it.

[@DarkWolf22k]

Not really downtime since most the time he spends down there is doing his job 🤣 also she only ever wants his help when he's working down there but never when he works inside the house doing the exact same thing (which was also left out by rslash)

[@alexalverez9532]

​@@DarkWolf22k oh hey look, it's RSlash playing White Knight again

[@NinjaBoy641]

OP's mom and stepdad in the second story were just like "how DARE you not let your stepsister destroy your property!" NTA, you've made it abundantly clear for years now that you don't trust your stepsister, so your mom has no right to get mad at you for not wanting to share.

[@Draugh39]

Story 3. So the wife has control over the whole house and OP only this bunker. Sounds to me that the wife is the one demanding control here and want to take away OPs only refuge.

[@dragonriderabens9761]

that is my thought exactly

[@FriendshipIsMagic1998]

Is it not strange that he needs refuge from his pregnant wife?

[@CERISTHEDEV]

​@@FriendshipIsMagic1998you confusing the word refuge that is applied to people with the word refuge that is applied to places i think

[@Ikajo]

Replace bunker with the gym or the golf course and you might actually see the core of the issue. It is not about the space. It is about division of labour and household management. About childcare and having time to yourself. OP gets that in his bunker. His wife does not.

[@Draugh39]

@@Ikajo Did you miss that the wife controls the whole house? That OP has a direct line to the house and can be there in minutes if the wife needs him? This is far more likely about the wife wanting control of everything.

[@AmberSong]

Story 5: “so what did your parents get you for your 18th birthday?” OP:” my parents got me a U-Haul”

[@givewarachance2001]

Story 3: NTA To hell with the wife, having a bunker is way more important then having something as cringe as family.

[@mcaeln7268]

Story 3: I find it very funny that RSlash claims this op is the bad guy, as he literally has the exact same set up. wtf rslash

[@Vergeblich]

about that last story, he was about to divorce his wife, which would still make him not have contact with her family. he stayed with her, i guess, because even though he doesn't like what she has done to their son, he still loves her and wanted to give her support. so when she died and now her family won't have contact with you because you support your son. pretty much it was what was going to happen if you did divorce her. you just loose contact with them later.

[@QuEeNyB222ny]

Story 2 “OP! You should have told us you’re having issues!” She did. She told y’all when the sister ruined her plushie, and y’all told her to stop being selfish and share. Definitely NTA

[@DefiantHeart]

I read the bunker thread on BORU and had a completely different reaction to everyone else on there. In my experience, there can sometimes be a "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" attitude that grows in relationships, and it is often the result of not communicating well. That's what I sensed in his wife's initial response, a strong dislike of his having space he was in more control of than she was. Yes, he needs to be present with his family. But the ridiculous accusations being thrown at him by the redditors about him being some kind of troglodyte man who doesn't care about his family were ridiculous. He was using the bunker as a WFH office and also as a space for his own projects, and that's not a bad thing as long as there's balance. The impression of his home he gave was that otherwise, he has NO real personal space in his home. Balancing time is good. His wife, IMO, overreacted. Them having a long talk about it, without a bunch of screaming redditors involved is best.

[@Ikajo]

Yeah, no. According to the actual update he didn't just work there. He spent almost all his time there.

[@bigclown23]

@@Ikajo No. Learn to read. 6 hrs minimum on weekdays (less than a work day) and 4 hours minimum on weekends

[@stonedjasonvoorhees5959]

OP with the bunker is a good guy. He asked if he was wrong, heard that he was, and listened enough to try and fix his problem. That takes a lot for people to admit being wrong. I agree with the score.

[@MisterNightfish]

It's funny how in these toxic families it's always up to the one person not running his or her life into a ditch to save everyone else. NTA and just accept that this type of family never changes. Keep your distance.

[@Graves933]

Bunker story "it kinda sends the message of i dont wanna be with you and i dont wanna be here" ????? Then what does her not having ANY of his shit around say? !?!? I think that sends a "I think you decorate like a child and i dont want that in MY house" ??? He isnt in the wrong for having ONE area to himself and getting to relax in, he is in the wrong for being there so often while his wife is struggling.

[@BunchyPanther42]

Story 3: Rslash I thought your blindly taking the wife/girlfriend side arc was over. Dudes gone too far? Doing what? He does his chores, spends time with his kids and is still a present father/ husband before his wife brought it up and when she did communicate, he compromised and spent way more time in the house. And wHeReS hEr BuNkEr? THE HOUSE! She has full creative control of the house while op gets his small bunker but I guess Op isn’t even allowed that. NTA

[@HiddenBrother619]

You thought that was just an arc That his entire character in AITA videos

[@BunchyPanther42]

@@HiddenBrother619 he seemed to have calmed down for a while but I guess you’re right 😂

[@bajablastme9240]

I wish rslash would get over being a white knight. I hope he stops covering aita until he gets over himself.

[@goldencyclone4984]

Important info on the Bunker story RSlash glossed over completely: The bunker is 300 yards from the house. That's a pretty damn hefty distance. The bunker wasn't the actual issue. OP's wife was struggling with feeling like she was useless while OP had just naturally fallen into the father role without any issue. OP hadn't noticed how she was struggling and full of self-doubt and was kicking himself for it in the update.

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

First Story, NTA: OP simply won't let her siblings take advantage of her and her brother being homeless is in no way OP's fault. OP didn't make him have a lot of kids and OP didn't make them settle on only entry level jobs for an income. All od this is on their hands and not OP's. Why is OP expected to take him and his family in? Second Story, NTA: OP's mom is playing favorites and it is sad. OP is being forced to share with this spoiled brat and OP gets in trouble for taking her stuff out and brining them to her dad's? I bet OP's mom and her husband wouldn't have the same mindset if the roles were reversed and OP started taking her step sister's stuff without her permission. Trying to force step siblings to become friends or have some sort of relationship is not the way. Instead of trying to force OP to share her stuff, maybe they should tell the step sister to not steal OP's property and maybe then OP won't have to take her stuff out from the room Third Story, YTA: I get enjoying the bunker but OP is literally abandoning his family to spend a lot of his time in a bunker. I'd get it if it was like during break times or in moderation but it sounded like OP spent one week with his family and went straight back to the bunker. OP left his wife to handle everything without much consideration to her own mental health Comment: I agree with this comment Fourth Story, NTA: First off, parents who immediately kick their kid out of the house the moment they turn 18 are absolutely horrible parents in my opinion. At that point u are just setting ur kid up for failure and that is sad. That being said, OP's parents don't feel bad for what they did and wanted OP to be in their life just so they can maintain their reputation and not be seen as trash parents. OP's dad deserved to get embarrassed and deserved to have his friends be cold towards him. They know that he is a scumbag of a father who abandoned his child the moment his kid turned into a legal adult. Honestly, OP shouldn't want to maintain any form of contact with his scumbag of parents because of the fact that they did the bare minimum for OP and kicked him out as soon as he turned 18 Fifth Story, NTA: So OP'S BIL is mad that OP isn't a homophobic bigot like his wife and the rest of her family? Wow, first off the child comes before anyone else including the SO and second OP's wife is disgusting for being so homophobic to her own child. When I have kids and one of them comes out to me I will accept them without a second thought. I agree with what Rslash said, the opinion of bigots will always be irrelevant and not worth hearing

[@fishyfow3767]

So insightful! I couldn’t agree more, the fact that was very .

[@Batman-lg2zj]

Op wasn’t abandoning his family . His wife sucks for not telling him how she was feeling.

[@ozenza8832]

I wouldn’t say he abandoned his family 😭wtf he js found a way to destress his wife js needs to find away to destress also

[@TheWeaponshold]

I am sorry 3rd story NOT the asshole. THE WHOLE REST OF THE HOUSE is decorated to his wife's taste. He has fast communication installed and does not lock himself away in the story. Kids even come in there. Unless he is lying about how often he comes out he is 100% NOT the asshole. He has been confined to ONE ROOM that is not even part of the house! She gets to control everything else and now she wants to control that too. I get that she is pregnant but holy crap that is his grandfather's home that was passed down to him and its also his work space. Could not disagree with the assessment more. There is no sign of him abandoning anything and he has taken pains to making sure he is accessible when he is down there. Wife threatening to SEAL OFF part of his families home is an asshole move.

[@ihategmailpasswords]

@@TheWeaponshold have you ever considered that his wife "getting" to decorate the entire house was actually his wife NEEDING to decorate the entire house alone because he was too busy renovating his bunker? it's not fun to have to fully renovate an entire house by yourself, especially while pregnant. i would wager also that decorating alone, instead of with the partner you want to spend the rest of your life there with, is incredibly isolating. also, no one but OP "confined" himself to the bunker. twisting it like the wife pushed him out is disingenuous, ESPECIALLY considering that if OP felt so stifled and overwhelmed in the house that he needed to spend all his time underground, how tf do you think his pregnant wife feels? i will agree that threatening to seal the entrance off was overkill. i don't generally think ultimatums are very productive, but i think it can also help to recognize that she probably felt that saying something drastic would be the only way to actually get him to hear what she's been trying to tell him. and no, talking on a walkie talkie with your spouse is not valid communication.

[@galliumgames3962]

NTA on story 3. It seems like OP does use the bunker for practical purposes too (WFH), so I can’t see how that’s any different at all than being away 45 hours a week working/commuting to a job. He also seems willing to come over immediately and is also willing to reach a compromise. Solitary time is a healthy part of any relationship anyways as pretty much no one has completely the same interests and even our closest relationships need some space. It seems like it is just pregnancy hormones and that the situation is going to resolve through compromise and the pregnancy running its course.

[@lancerevell5979]

Bunker story.... OP is NTA, absolutely. Every man needs his "man cave". Sounds like OP is supporting his family okay. Nothing wrong with OP at all.

[@xxiSHTAr9000x]

My only suggest for the bunker story, just make sure there’s no weird glacier that the kids can drink from

[@itzTeTe]

For that last story her cancer was Karma for how she treated her son, I have seen through the experience of friends how this type of situation can go and it’s HORRIBLE… it can even lead to someone unaliving themselves.. I’m glad OP didn’t divorce now he gets that insurance money and what’s in her will as well probably, and I hope that OP uses it to help his son build a bright future ❤️ now that she’s gone he can cut ties with the rest of her bigoted family who are the real disgrace here.

[@voscrawford5533]

Stop:3 0/5 For a relationship to work, a guy needs his own safe place. For my father, it was the kitchen, He loved to cook, baked grill, barbecue everything. If he wasn't a mechanic, he would be a chef.

[@dorian_delorean]

Bunker story - maybe the wife should allow him some control of the actual house 🤷🏼‍♂️

[@whatbear3804]

First story got a update so imma copy and paste here since it's just a short update: "I'm offering to pay for everyone to get a vasectomy/tubes tied this Christmas and giving my brother enough money to cover the red roof inn for a week. That's it. All I'm doing for anyone and they better not call me ever because I'm not answering" (Sounds like a no contact answer )

[@whatbear3804]

u/Brave-Frosting-179 to see the original post and the edit update

[@PlatinumHaro]

Theres an update to 3rd story where he mentions that hes almost exclusively down there for work, and he does take his son down there to give his wife a break. Next time please look for all the facts

[@Strigon008]

Story 1: That sibling should have stopped at 1 kid.

[@helenagoodwin7343]

Can't help but notice that the bunker man didn't say what he did to help his wife feel like he was more present, just said that she complained again lmao.

[@van4195]

the dad saying his son embarrassed him is so funny. the son didn't embarrass him, he embarrassed HIMSELF. all the son did was tell the truth. lmfao.

[@MjaoZor]

Story 4: I am so amazed the father just didnt lie himself and say he moved away. Is he really so dumb to think that after 20 years of neglect someone would lie for them? LOL

[@phobiawitch835]

Story 2: the moment they said “you should have come to us about this” I got so frustrated I actually shouted at my phone “she DID, you b-word!”. Like, oh my GODS, they make me SO angry. They were told about this years ago and did nothing, leading to this solution. And now they are upset about it becayse they didn’t do anything to stop it years prior? What if the items destroyed by step-sister had been of Sentimental value, not judt monetary? Would they have just said “Too bad, you need to learn to share”? Most likely considering this behavior.

[@TikiDragon1]

I'm against you on the Bunker story Dab. He has his space, but as another YT commenter said, the wife has the whole house! OP has no commute and is mostly able to get off work earlier. That's more time to spend with his wife and kids. So I have no idea how you could come away with him being the bad guy. Especially when , as mentioned before, the wife could have a whole room or more dedicated to her passions. One for her physical library and a second that is sound proffed to be her reading room.

[@SF2K01]

Especially if it's mostly used for WFH - reminds me of the stories of spouses who think WFH means "Free to help with chores during the day" and not "My spouse is at work right now" simply from being in the proximity. It's no different than a home office at that point.

[@franciscojaviermendezrinco1902]

First story: NTA. No wonder why they are getting evicted, and why those other two dougebags won't stand up and help but basically demand for OP to help them? Screw them.

[@maieen2665]

*First OP:* If OP's siblings care so much about their brother and his family having a place to stay, then why couldn't _they_ offer their homes? That's what OP should've told them. OP is NTA. *Second OP:* Tmw your parent favors your stepsibling over you; feels bad, man. OP is NTA. *Third OP:* How long and how often does OP chill in the bunker? If it's hours at a time almost everyday, then he's in the wrong. If he's there a few times a week, then he's not in the wrong. I'm gonna say NEI (Not Enough Info). *Fourth OP:* If the truth makes OP's dad look bad, then that's on OP's dad. OP is NTA, and he's better off losing contact with his parents, especially since the reconnection was under false pretenses. *Fifth OP:* Fck cancer, but also fck OP's wife and family. OP is NTA for sitting next to his son, but he _is_ TA for not divorcing his wife sooner, with or without cancer.

[@Roctev]

Story 4 what a deadbeat father "Come to my reunion and lie about what a great Dad I am for me" Op goes and unleashes the Truth (The ultimate weapon against these kind of people) "How dare you be honest, I don't want to see you again" RESULT!

[@Nannernade]

I was kind of hoping the homeless brother was a part 3 for Dan.

[@A_random_nerd]

Last op is a chad for going to sit with his son at the funeral and supporting him when his wife did not

[@Waterpark201]

Hey r/slash! Thanks for helping me start my day ❤🎉

[@danielbrant6740]

Rslash picked a perfect title for the fourth story. OP's parents found out the hard way that "the truth" can hurt. Also, that same story is a fine example of parents who don't get that if you don't want to be accused of being bad parents, then maybe you shouldn't act like them.

[@thalianox2492]

Why do people with a whole sports team worth of kids always expect the child free couples to fix all of their problems?

[@luisbarboza2042]

Last story: OP is not losing anything from losing the horrible dead wife's family

[@chrisreed26]

The bunker story, The wife has the entire house HER way! She decorates the house etc. Everyone needs their own personal space! He should spend more time with his wife but for her to threaten to seal the bunker entrance is BS! Why is it accpeted for her to rule the house and the husband to do as the wife says? This has been a thing for decades! Many men scared to make their wife mad or upset..It should be an equal marriage where both decide! Of course we know what whipped Dabney will say! Dabney (R/Slash) 's wife's foot are on his ba77s

[@THEDubbleHelixx]

The decoration wasn't the problem. The problem was that he was spending more than 8 hours a weekday and 4 hours a day on the weekends out of the house, while the wife never got alone time and was CONSTANTLY with the kids. It probably would have been fine if they took turns watching the kids.

[@bigclown23]

@@THEDubbleHelixx minimum 6 on weekdays (less than a working day) and minimum 4 on weekends. Also, that last part's not true. The kids are in the bunker with him at times

[@juter98]

Drop the wife keep the vault and kid, wait for nuclear apocalypse once he is 19 leave the vault to keep him safe which will then lead him to wander the wasteland alone in search of you