r/AITA for Refusing to Raise Someone Else's Baby?

[@thenarrator9204]

On the last story, I went and poured through the comments from OP. I found out that OP's wife blames herself for the death of her father, as she was the reason they were both on the road at the time. This led to her having great difficulties taking to Nephew James as it basically caused her PTSD episodes and brought up her intense guilt (for which she's been in therapy for, but it hasn't been very successful). Also, apparently Regina took the name out of spite since she was having kids first when her relationship with OP's wife and the dad weren't to be celebrated... so it only compounded issues, plus, Regina lied to James for years about why OP's wife didn't like him AND why Regina got to be the one to name him to honor his grandpa. An 18-year old with the acuity to sense something was off and being told the truth after over a decade of being lied to, yeah, I can see why he blew up. He basically found out his "honoring" of his grandpa (whose name he DID know) was done basically against the rest of the family's will and in a dishonest way just because he was born before other nephews/nieces.

[@kalifogg6610]

Dang! I’d be PO’d too in just about the entire family’s shoes. But it’s kind of a relief that OP’s Wife’s trauma is because of misplaced guilt for her father’s death instead of because her father was driving drunk or had been abusing her. Regina is still a horrible person regardless of this information.

[@shykorustotora]

Tbh, I don't think any of us were surprised when James left the house so suddenly. Regina came across as a Karen of a mom

[@fdm2155]

If I were James I'd consider changing my name. It was a garbage move for his mother to weaponize his name against his aunt and the rest of the family. wtaf?

[@ikaris1]

Maybe not in their country, but it is very common to name a child in honor of someone else. See 1000's of movies the last 100 years. Now if the aunt had named her kid after OP's dead kid, that would be an AH move, so there's a spectrum. But naming the kid after your dad is a thing. Also, in honor of this posts and it's horrible way of summarizing and leaving important things out, I have a story for you. 5 colleagues fight purple guy for his jewelry, finally killing him with body percussion (Avengers: End Game). 🤣

[@rosieposie1760]

ty for the summery.

[@papabear1333]

1st story: That was not a father, he was just a donor. I wish OP will find someone who will love her better than that piece of trash.

[@growlingoctopus]

Bad donor too, clearly didnt donate a quality sperm

[@midnightredditor1991]

I have 2 kids. I DONOT want any more kids. If I got a chick pregnant, I might take a few days to process, but I would then be there for her until and after birth. That "man" is a POS, and deserves to remain alone and childless.

[@jessicadriver1636]

Yeah and also what the hell is wrong with the sister?😡

[@rukiakuchiki6187]

I was so angry like she try and try and no one care the ex mother didn't care

[@SpruceOaks]

The trash that took itself out. Good riddance! The whole lot of them!

[@JHyde-tv3if]

Not that OP should have to, but she should post and present ALL THE TIMES she tried to contact her ex and his family regarding the pregnancy, the birth, the baby, and the death. This is horrid. Even if she didn't really want to be a mother yet, no one really wants to watch the baby they just birthed die. She has ENOUGH to deal with

[@audreym3908]

If I was that vindictive enough, I would've posted all the receipts on every social media platform I have.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

Seconded I don't always condone public shaming .....But seriously, shame this dude

[@riverriver9677]

@@audreym3908 Or, maybe better yet, take him to where his son was BURIED. He wants to see his son? Oh, he'll see his son, alright.

[@TheDarkLink7]

I agree and I also agree with some of the public shaming. But why go just a little with posting evidence? No..... go all in explaining of how they not only didn't care but how they ghosted OP and her family and how after the death of the child. How he just moved right back in like nothing ever happened.

[@LiveLocallyNow]

Seriously!! Post it, shame him. He wasnt a “father” the second he left.

[@unregisteredpsychiatrist]

In story 3, it's important to remember that neglect is a form of abuse, and the SIL is definitely neglecting her daughter

[@survivedandthriving]

This! Thank you for pointing this out. Neglect is absolutely a form of abuse, and SIL is neglecting, and therefore abusing, her daughter.

[@lorilancaster5917]

And she’s already neglecting her future child before he/she is even conceived. If there is an update I wouldn’t be surprised if OP threatens brother and SIL with going to CPS with how she neglects her daughter.

[@thunderflare59]

The fact that she expected OP to raise the child without asking was super selfish. She doesn't deserve the children she has.

[@andrewpearson3516]

Hold on the neglect of a child is only considered abuse if it's their own child. Which this is not. She is not close with her nephew . That is not abuse . It's important that you know that because things like undermined abuse cases. While the wife Is the Ahole, by the sounds of it so is her family who told her to name the child after her own father who died. This isn't abuse

[@RiveroftheWither]

(Trigger warnings) I used to work with a woman like this with the added bonus of addiction and a penchant for dating her dealers. She was a terrible person who lived life believing nothing was ever her fault. Her first kid was with one of her dealers who she lost the custody of after her mom called cps on her due to neglect and abuse. She blames her mom for that because "it wasn't that bad and she lied". Her second child, same dad as the first but now with a new dealer boyfriend died at 18 months due to starvation during a 3-4 day drug binge. After investigations, testimony and confessions, turns out the boyfriend also beat the baby as he had broken bones old and new as well as a severe infection from diaper rash. Of course that wasn't her fault either because he would beat her too. He was sentenced but she got off with rehab. I started working with her after she was cleared from the center she already had a new boyfriend and was pregnant again but at least this guy wasn't a dealer. However they were still horribly negligent, by 2 that poor girl smelled like gingivitis, still in diapers instead of pull ups with 0 potty training (her excuse was that she didn't know how to potty train) among other things. This woman even admitted to me that she lied about being on the pill because she wanted to baby trap him. Eventually he was considering leaving her and suddenly she had baby fever again and wanted to have another kid but between his refusal and him "forcing" her to stay clean on drugs and alcohol, she cheated on him WITH A NEW DEALER, cut him out of her life until the dealer left her and tried to gaslight him into getting back together. This was around the time she started showing up at work half drunk and doing heroin in the damn bathroom. We weren't friends but for whatever reason this woman would tell me shit. About how she wanted even more babies because "having a baby is fun because you can dress it up" but she didn't like having a toddler because "she's such a bitch". I know I rambled and this was a much more extreme case but I can't help but think about this woman whenever I hear about a neglectful pos with "baby fever". Some women seem to think babies are just some fun accessories to discard when they become inconvenient and replaced with a new model.

[@sayadiva123]

Wtf is wrong with the partner in the first story?! What kind of logic was this?! You find out your partner is pregnant the complete dip out then just show back up after thinking “hey the kid should have been born now, I can just walk back in” then get pissed you weren’t informed your child died?! NO!! That man and his family can go straight to hell with that logic!!! I hope OP left him

[@BadassHater1]

She literally kept calling him her ex. So yeah - she left him.

[@lorilancaster5917]

And let’s also not forget he pushed OP to keep the baby

[@luisbarboza2042]

He's a manchild, an excuse of human being and OP's sister is just an idiot

[@dracko158]

They CHOSE to ignore the messages and calls, and they chose to never contact OP! And they still have the gall to be angry they weren't informed? I'm oh so sorry but, you guys IGNORED her calls and messages, so you all bought this on your damn selves.

[@luisacampoverde]

I kinda have to wonder what this guy was thinking would happen when he came back. That he would walk in, find his ex nursing the baby, look up and see him standing in the doorway, tears would fill in her eyes and she would whisper something insane like, "I knew you would come back..." and get up and give him a heartfelt kiss. Then his baby would would hold his hand and say "dada" and then there would be people from outside watching from the window and clapping, giving them congratulations.

[@simonlathwell]

The first story really triggered me and made me cry a bit. As someone who's ex-parter had a miscarriage at 32 weeks I kinda know how she's feeling. The "so called" father deserves more than 5/5 buttholes, more like a trillion quadrillion buttholes for him, and a trillion buttholes for his mother. I sincerely hope that OP recovers, and finds someone who will look after her like a proper lady.

[@srushtykamble2936]

The sister too

[@silverflight01]

Story 1: What is wrong with this guy? Did he just not want to take care of his pregnant wife to the point of cutting all contact? And he *STILL* wants to be the father of a child that does not exist? No, he does not deserve OP, he deserves nobody

[@CooperGal24]

We need an update on this story if possible. OP should move on with her life, find a new partner and think about if she wants to try for another baby in the near future.

[@Artretha]

Except for maybe the ex in the second story. 😂

[@dinlupus3196]

@@CooperGal24 she would make a medical exam first, that sounded strange, can be biological, she needs to be sure she can carry a child , other wise , it could happen again

[@nick-brothwood]

What about a knuckle sandwich?

[@MadameMeowth]

What is wrong with his mother, too? She is ok with her son ghosting their own child, then berates OP for not telling her the baby died.

[@yorukage5926]

Last story i think its just severe trauma. OP's wife as op mentioned was in a severe accident that left her in a coma for years and killed her father. Trauma doesn't just disappear, i think the issue is that the name makes OP's wife remember the accident and the fact that she had much less time than her sister to process everything.

[@GamerSapss]

Yeah, naming someone after a family member makes sense, if they don't feel personally responsible for the family members passing. This is not the same as "My grandfather passed away from a heart-attack and was named after him, but because of it my aunt won't associate with me" this is "My aunt was in an accident that almost killed her, and did kill my grandfather, and my mom decided to name me after him" Those are two very different situations despite the "outcome" being the same, and makes perfect sense for everyone to be upset at said aunt for naming their kid after them

[@christishepherd2676]

I don't know I got the just that maybe the accident was the dad's fault, maybe drunk driver?? Or maybe Regina was driving and she caused the accident?? Something's not right here

[@liamreitsma5312]

I went and looked at ops profile and they contradict themselves many times in the replies. Between that and the fact that they responded to a few comments but never follows up for clarification leads me and many others to believe it’s fake. So take the story with the smallest pinch of salt.

[@gretchenmyers1279]

@@liamreitsma5312 for which story, please

[@PineappleMacy]

I have severe trauma. My triggers are no one else’s problem but my own!

[@noahbatesn2075]

That sister in story 1 was completely being dumb saying that she should have tried more although it was his fault for leaving that boyfriend is a horrible human being

[@ohnosmoarlulcatz]

I'm going to respond with the same energy as that "sister". It's a dick move to not answer your phone when you know a baby is coming.

[@billwithers4762]

Yeah, sister was a complete dumbass here.

[@BadassHater1]

Like "The fuck were you expecting me to do? Telepathically broadcast across the world hoping that this asshole hears about his son dying?"

[@lorilancaster5917]

She is living proof that not only are there stupid questions, there are stupid answers. If she felt like OP should’ve tried harder then she could’ve stepped up and told him.

[@jaimedritt4622]

@@ohnosmoarlulcatz Great point. This is completely on that guy and his awful mom.

[@edalynclawthorne5877]

“How can he call you a spineless leech when he himself is a spineless leech?” *Cause every accusation is a confession*

[@gretchenmyers1279]

good one!

[@lorilancaster5917]

And who are leeching on to? And how are they spineless for telling him to go away? Someone needs to work on their jabs along with working on how to not be a negligent parent

[@thunderflare59]

They didn't answer their phones. That's neglect. I'd have called the police.

[@lorilancaster5917]

@@thunderflare59well remember in the update, OP and roommates did contact CPS about the neighbors. They also avoid answering the door if they approach and are in the process of moving out

[@thunderflare59]

@@lorilancaster5917 good. Those are some bad parents.

[@VicGeorge2K6]

The real dick move in the first story was OP's ex ghosting her during the birth and death of their son and then just showing up out of the blue demanding to know about said child. The ex's family also deserves a butthole score for defending that worthless person that dares to call himself a man.

[@fdm2155]

There is no way I would let my son hide out in my house and ignore his pregnant (ex) partner. Even if she was the biggest bitch on Earth... he'd still have a responsibility to the child!

[@giggle_snort]

@@fdm2155 For real. You helped make this mess, babe, now you have to help clean it up.

[@Richard_Nickerson]

Not just defending him, up helping him harass her

[@jbrennan381]

That entire family deserves a 10/5 score

[@abiean222]

i hope to god that his family got lied to on what went down, like they think that OP was the one to cut contact, because i just don't want to imagine that there is that many people in one family that are that awful.

[@FrizzyMirage]

I was so enraged I looked it up! 1st story has kind of an update: Edit - thank you all so much for your responses. Sorry for not replying to any. Reading them has been alot. Honestly, I'm going to drink a bottle of wine (or two), read your kind responses and cry myself to sleep. Writing this all out and living it again has been hard. Unfortunately I'm not able to change the locks (landlord said no) but my tenancy ends on the 12th of June and I already have a new flat to move into. And thankfully my dad has been able to cover the cost of a private therapist and I see her again Tuesday. Thank you all so much again for your kind words. 2nd edit: if I had realised this was going to blow up so much then I probably would have just posted to my main. If you see this post anyway, read it Lewis. Then read it again. Then read the comments. Then just leave me alone. Thank you all for your comments. I'm going to show my therapist the post when I see her and talk it through, but honestly it has helped alot. Even if I did cry quite a bit. I'm going to sleep now and won't be back on this post. But thank you all ♥️

[@kristashafer93098]

Thanks very much for posting both updates! I’m glad to read that OP is in therapy. I sincerely hope this helps her find healing. RIP to the baby and condolences to her for this terrible loss. Lewis, eff you.

[@kennethohnemus3192]

God bless you for all the trouble and heartache you went through. My heart aches for you sister. I said a small prayer for you.

[@princess_shymiera]

1st story: That waste of human DNA would've been a FAILURE as a father and OP needs to get rid of that trash. She deserves MUCH better. 2nd story: She got what she asked for, so that dog is HER responsibility, not OP's. 3rd story: SIL is already a bad mom with two kids she already has, why have yet ANOTHER baby. She's a failure as a mom and doesn't deserve children. 4th: What's with the bad parents this episode?! Jesus, don't have kids if you can't be parents! And they deserve to have child services called on them. 5th story: David is such a deadbeat and the sister is entitled AF. With their combined income, they can afford a nanny. 6th story: I have no idea what's going on in this story. I feel like there's more going on than meets the eye

[@jorankoehorst]

I think that with the 6th story the name is a big part of the trauma she endured. I've read about people reliving entire events just by smelling things so i think that a name can be a realist trigger for it.

[@shykorustotora]

@@jorankoehorst Agreed. It's pretty reasonable for someone to avoid having to relive painful memories and what worse way to constantly be reminded than having a nephew with the share the same name

[@Spunky786]

6th story: Maybe the sister was the one driving?

[@Artretha]

​@@jorankoehorstAs someone with PTSD, I can attest to this. My biggest trauma happened extremely close to a train track intersection, so oftentimes, train horns will trigger me.

[@erosefleeting]

@@jorankoehorsti can also attest to this- whenever i see either the first or last name of someone who put me through something unspeakable i sometimes shut down even six years after

[@evavocative6975]

Story 1; I don't know why OP thinks she should have tried *harder.* The EX and his mother are BOTH insanely AHs who ignored OP for MONTHS and acted like OP is the villain when they ignored her.

[@lorilancaster5917]

What else could OP have done? Bought a billboard that ex-bf may see in his morning commute?

[@fnvfan0145]

​@@lorilancaster5917evavocative didn't say OP didn't try hard enough, but that they don't know why OP thinks they should've tried harder.

[@Twinklethefox9022]

Probably still guilt or torn up about the loss of her son.

[@lorilancaster5917]

@@fnvfan0145 wasn’t arguing with them. How about you read things more carefully before you accuse?

[@fnvfan0145]

@@lorilancaster5917 I didn't accuse you of anything

[@RevokFarthis]

This entire episode is; "Why people need a license to have a child, in this video essay I will-"

[@CloudyNight2156]

A license sadly wouldn't work. Completely random checkups on the welfare of the child however...

[@silverflight01]

Story 5: You see, you cannot go forcing other people to take care of your kids, not even relatives. Unless you are literally unable to take care of the kids at all, you need to be a parent. Honestly, just hire a nanny next time. David and Iris have the money

[@lorilancaster5917]

I’m glad OP and the roommates are in a united front and have taken action against them. Now the other parents who accuse OP of being out of line can help Dan and Iris with the babies!

[@thunderflare59]

And not answering their phones is a red flag. Childcare needs emergency contacts.

[@fdm2155]

Yeah, for the couple with twins, they are just stingy and taking advantage of kind neighbors. For the doctor and her husband, they are ridiculous for expecting OP to babysit regularly and for hours, even changing her plans to be available...while the dad sits on his ass. Why not just hire an au pair or nanny? 🙄

[@GhostRider-sc9vu]

@@lorilancaster5917 Just how the ^%#$@$@# can children less than two years old have "play dates"? Children that young are not capable of real interaction with each other. Glad I grew up in an age when everyone in the neighborhood just played mostly outside and the SAHM's would intervene if things got out of hand if the older (read Teenagers) kids had not already intervened.

[@Beena2020]

First story: as much as OP tried, she wasn't going to get through to him. He blocked her. He wouldn't see her. This is some really weird behavior. I don't understand...HE left. Not her. HE refused to communicate. Not her. HE missed his child's birth, death, and funeral. She did everything she could to let him know. He did all of this to himself.

[@Kruhee]

Yeah, but entitled narcissist behavior doesn't logic the way a normal person would assume. You would think the guy and his mom would see their fault in all of this but in order to not take blame gor their actions any number of mental gymnastics will be performed in order to deflect responsibly.

[@BatchSan]

The last story - I think a bug part of James's reaction against his mother was realizing that her actions with naming him caused his aunt a great deal of stress and repeated trauma everytime she interacted with him. He probably considers her a good aunt, someone you feel close to and love a lot, and it likely hurt him to realize that he'd been unintentionally hurting her for 18 years because his mom didn’t care about her own sister's obvious issues. It's sad.

[@DerpDevilDD]

Why would he feel close to someone who makes a point of not being close to him?

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

@@DerpDevilDD Making a point of not being close to him??? She has PTSD attacks after a while, OP explains she just has to go collect herself but never refused love or interaction.

[@DerpDevilDD]

@@SidereusOfTheFallen And that negates the point of her intentionally not being close to him how?

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

@@DerpDevilDD PTSD means she's not being intentional and you seem incredibly obtuse.

[@DerpDevilDD]

@@SidereusOfTheFallen She avoids him so she doesn't suffer the effects of the PTSD. That's intentional. You're trying to bend reality to make your point correct and it just isn't. It's also an irrelevant point, since _she's not close to him,_ so why would he feel close to her? Is he randomly codependent or created a weird parasocial relationship in his head?

[@lrwerewolf]

Final story: Imagine you find out that your mother intentionally gave you a name the entire family had warned your mother would cause issues. That your mother had been warned that this name would probably be extremely traumatic to your aunt. And that she did it anyways. Her selfishness and refusal to take family guidance means he missed out on a potentially loving and empowering relationship with an aunt, who from the sounds of it has decent-at-least relations with other nieces and nephews. Yeah, I can understand why young James is torqued at his mother. Yes, it is common to give dead relative's names to new children as a way to honor the dead relative... but when the whole family is expressing how this is NOT a good idea, there's some buttholery going on. James' mom sounds like a proto-karen if not a full blown karen. Tradition is explanation, yes, but not an excuse from meaningfully considering potential consequences.

[@sethgeyer1719]

This.

[@JB-ew6pi]

The choice of a child’s name is between 2 people: the mother and the father. I understand the family has trauma and they’re grieving, but that is NOT the child’s fault. They do not own the name and the parents can name their child whatever they wish. Shame on the family for acting this way. Pathetic.

[@Holychickendinner]

​@@JB-ew6piAmen!

[@EskimoKillaz]

1st story thats a 10/5 bad guy. His whole family gets 5/5. What a piece of work blaming OP for going above and beyond for a terrible person

[@eitrtine3448]

Sometimes naming a child after a deceased loved on can be (seen as) a very bad thing, it just depends on the situation, who it affects, who it doesn't affect, and the reasons behind and why someone chose to do it... In my family, my cousin did this, as a sort of "fuck you" to my grandparents, and it was not taken well... a lot of people had an issue with it, and still do, especially my grandma

[@shykorustotora]

There's a difference between naming a child after a family member in loving memory... or for malicious purposes. It's not automatically a good thing

[@ZombieSazza]

1st story: I would BLAST HIM on social media because they’re hardcore harassing you. I would post every shred of proof showing you literally TRIED, but he decided to run away when she was pregnant, refused to answer any calls, refused to be there at all, and then acts like he cares? Nah, I’d be BLASTING him online, I’d want folk to see who he truly is.

[@breezy3392]

Story 3: Why does someone want to go through all the stress of pregnancy to have another child when they don't even like the ones they already have?

[@yasmin7903]

I am guessing here, but maybe she likes the part about becoming a mother rather than the part about being one? The excitement and the attention that she gets?

[@abiean222]

maybe she likes babies, but not children because babies are cute dolls who love you and don't have a personality. unlike children.

[@missingbobsburgers]

So OP brother will have a harder time divorcing her. And if/when that happens she’s gets $$$

[@Akira_of_the_Fae]

Im assuming the dog is a pug, and yea those are especially prone to all sorts of health problems, if its her dog she payes for it, simple

[@majoratwili7312]

Adorable as hell and my personal favorite breed but yeah they're infamous for breathing issues

[@audreym3908]

That was my first thought too

[@gooner7331]

I immediately thought British Bulldog and thought it was unusual for an American woman to really want one but your suggestion makes far more sense 😂

[@abi1457]

or a French bulldog, but yer, you dog get 'animal support' like child support. you want a dog you pay the bills. these are living things and a luxury to have in you're life not a right.

[@thunderflare59]

I've seen pet owners that don't actually want to take responsibility for their pets. They also stole from me, so that was a hint at the content of their character.

[@ManlyStump]

Story 1: Sorry, but every member of the (sarcastic quotes) "father"'s family that was harassing OP deserves a big AH score as well, and so does OP's sister.

[@giggle_snort]

Absolutely. They ignored her calls as much as the sperm donor did.

[@dracko158]

1st story: Excuse me? THEY IGNORED THE MESSAGES AND CALLS! And they still have the gall to get angry at OP for supposedly keeping this from them? No, that's BS. And the sister says it was a dick move to not keep trying? B*tch, OP tried for THREE WEEKS! How is that not trying at all?! NTA.

[@desireeloveros1055]

The Dick move was abandoning the mother of his child and going no contact until after the birth of your child

[@dracko158]

​@@desireeloveros1055This, he lost the privilege of being a husband the moment he abandoned his PREGNANT WIFE, MIND YOU.

[@AdaireKrickets]

​​@desireeloveros1055a nd then waited five months after. Was he trying to avoid the "hard part" of child rearing? He waltz in and didn't say hi to the OP. Was she just a brood mare for him? I'm at a loss for words on the whole situation!

[@Bigplaya_]

IMO, even The Child is Alive, He still don’t deserve to know after Ghosting the hell outta her once She got pregnant, and her Sister deserve get Cussed out for made a Stupid A** Respond about she didn’t try hard enough even She tried for 27 weeks; that’s way more than enough! Show some compassion! OP is grieving over the loss of her child

[@fdm2155]

@@desireeloveros1055 And his momma too for enabling him to abandon his pregnant partner. wtaf?

[@drawingwitch1661]

The 1st dad is a pice of shit, what did they expect her to do??? Hire a detective??? Become a stalker to let him know his kid died?????

[@elizabethanderson3054]

You spelled sperm donor wrong.

[@emmetlover206]

Obviously she was suppose to send him a handwritten invitation to the funeral. *sarcasm* After tracking down his location of course.

[@redrubyrose618]

​@@elizabethanderson3054c'mon now, not all sperm donors are like that

[@patrickmcmurtray5094]

The last story I would assume the reason he doesn't want to go into details is because the father was drinking and cause the accident. So naming your child in honor of a man who nearly killed your sister probably isn't the best.

[@shykorustotora]

It's pretty reasonable for someone to avoid having to relive painful memories and what worse way to constantly be reminded than having a nephew with the share the same name

[@gamer1q658]

There's no other info about the last one, so people think it might be fake

[@Tustin2121]

@@gamer1q658- There was a thread just above this one where the commenter poured through OP’s comments and got a lot more information. So, no.

[@Nicholem718-1]

OP in the first story is better than me... I wouldn't have let the baby's father that they baby died. I would've likely kicked him out-- called the police for him trespassing if he didn't leave, and go NC. He would've found out when he finally decided to sue for custody, and I would show ALL of the evidence of my efforts to reach out to him.

[@jennteal5265]

Story 5: The sister is the MUCH worse in this situation because she is purposely enabling her husband and allowing him to screw around instead of watching the kids. If she'd just hold her husband to account, or hire help as RSlash suggested, I wouldn't be so hard on her but _she's_ allowing all this and _justifying_ it to her younger sister. NTA. Last Story - I wonder if the wife's dad was driving drunk and _that_ is why she was in a coma for so long. DUI is literally the _only_ reason I could think that everyone would be discouraging the naming of the nephew after the grandfather who died.

[@lorilancaster5917]

And it’s sad that a woman with the brains to be a doctor doesn’t have the sense to make her husband step up or kick him out. OP deserves to have a life

[@camarofan2008]

Yeah sis pissed me off on this story. Single dad here and i do everything for my kids.

[@fdm2155]

Yeah, it's bizarre that the sister thinks it's reasonable to intrude on OP's life and demand her time instead of expecting her actual husband to parent his children. Also, if she doesn't think men should parent kids (wtaf?) then she should *hire* a woman to help with childcare. I'm guessing she doesn't want a 22 year old au pair or nanny in her house with her husband. 🤣🤣

[@smarti1809]

Yeah, how can you drop two children on your little sister? And she was approximately 15 when this started. Not cool

[@HammerdWalrus]

They didn't keepthe grandfather's name a secret, they kept how he died a secret and the pain OP's wife went through. "You know how you're named after your grandfather? Well he and your aunt were in a severe accident that was fatal to him and deeply traumatic to her and left her in a come to two years before you were born. Your mom is that only one who wanted you to be named after him as its trauma inducing to your aunt."

[@carolinehuffman8617]

I think the last story is because she might associate her father's name with the accident that took years away from her life. That accident took time away that she will never get back, and it killed her father. So her sister, knowing all of this, still decided to name her child after the father, and that might be opening up old wounds in ops wife

[@sylvanfreckles557]

Yeah, maybe there's a fight between the sisters that hasn't been mentioned, or the dad was responsible for the accident and did other damage. I'm thinking OP was leaving out details for privacy, and that's making the situation look weird.

[@natanoj16]

Yea. Especially since she apparently still have mental problems after the Coma. That might make her very weak to triggering events like the name.

[@shykorustotora]

I mean, there's a reason r*pe victims don't name their children after their r*pist.. it's a constant reminder of trauma. If something is a constant reminder of painful memories, you should have every right to be able to avoid those reminders, so long as you can still live a comfortable life. Unfortunately for James, this means his mom's mistake is why he has to suffer now. Mom is absolutely the AH here

[@healingthroughchrist1988]

That only explains why OP has PTSD, but not why James is now mad at his parents.

[@shykorustotora]

@@desperateneedofscotch Look it up. She named him out of spite

[@Rj-ij6ko]

Story 1: Ok…typically i am not for blasting people on social media…THIS would be the exception. Op you need to take all the text messages, phone records etc and put ALLL of that on social media. Expose your ex for the spineless, deadbeat loser that he is and then, when the inevitable “how could you do this to him” messages come, delete and block them all. You are SOOOO NTA and tbh…your sister is also a HUGE one for her comment. Good luck Op

[@luisacampoverde]

For story number 4, with the doctor mom and banker dad, I just wanna say, you have no idea how common this is. I know a similar couple who are equally successful and made at least over 200K. Despite all this, they had a relative move in who was a newcomer to Canada, take care of their 3 kids, be their house maid and also had her pay them rent. They did not even help her with immigration paperwork either even though they were her faaaaaaamily. It was mind-boggling. She left that situation as soon as possible and is low contact them ever since (she had mentioned that she likes their kids and sometimes misses them). People's entitlement and cheapness knows no bounds sometimes.

[@Sanodi21]

First story, obviously NTA but seriously? She can start by telling her sister to just stay out of her life. She knew that OP was trying for months on end and calling all the people she knew, only for her to spout that garbage? As for the 'father' and his family, I'd say don't tell any of them anything or where the baby is buried. Again, OP spent months and months trying to contact everyone she knew on his side only for them to ghost her and only now show up and make demands? Screw off.

[@sammeyDay]

Last story. Naming a child after a deceased loved one is usually a way of honoring their memory. I cant help but but wonder if there was something about the father that wasnt worth remembering.

[@shykorustotora]

A lot of people have been suggesting the father probably caused something like a car accident, either by being drunk or whatever. Sounds fairly reasonable given the situation

[@WolfyLady73]

I was thinking the same thing. Either he was responsible for the accident, or wasn't a good person to OP's wife.

[@129140163]

This is the case with my maternal grandfather. He died before I was born, but I’ve heard enough about him from other family members to convince me never to name any child of mine after him.

[@fdm2155]

Also, if the sister wanted to honor the grandfather... why not give him the MIDDLE name of James? That seems perfectly reasonable if it was obvious that OP's wife would be traumatized by the nephew being known as James.

[@АлександърЖарков]

OP’s wife blames herself bc she was driving also it looks like her sister named the child after the grandpa to despite OP’s wife it was clarified in a later post in the comments

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 5: I have family like this, they always go silent when you stand up to them but trust and believe they will come back when they need something and act like the fight never happened. OP you'll feel bad at first and makeup 101 excuses including someone need to be there for the kids sake, but trust and believe you will get over it. You really don't understand how fast that droping contact get old when you experience it first-hand, I recommend you enjoy the silence before she comes back demanding help. When she does set this boundary that you will not be there on call babysitter, you have your own life to live and you shouldn't have to drop anything for them because your sister refused it to make her husband be there damn father.

[@LordOfTheFatties]

That first story really got my stomach churning, remembering the death of my sister's infant son as well. The dad in the first story was very bad. My sister's husband was revealed to be abusive to her after the funeral, and it was called into question if the baby had been safe from him. The baby had damage to his ribs that were not extremely damning, but were speculated by the doctor to be a result of extreme compression, like being crushed or sat on. No one was ever accused. But...Well, let's say that guy was a 6/5 on the scaled I guess. Dark times. Good video as usual.

[@yileiou7753]

1st Story: He caused the death of the poor baby...stress and worriers have such a bad effect on pregnancies. I cannot believe that he had the nerves to blame OP for anything after that!

[@Definitely_real_lawyer]

Story 1 op gets negative 5/5 the father gets 7/5 my dad didn’t want to know me frick that dad

[@Thisdotban]

In the last story, it looks like the details missing are around the accident and OPs wife relationship with her father. A hypothetical scenario that fits is that the father was driving under influence therefore causing the accident. Something akin to that would cause op's wife to resent her father(because she lost years due to his negligence) and would piss James off because he is named after the guy that put his aunt in a coma.

[@sagejungwirth4155]

It's clarified later that the ops wife blames herself for her father's death because they were driving somewhere for her. She struggles with ptsd and has flash backs when she's around James (therapy has not been able to help).

[@kjarllan7097]

Op explain in comment : his wife and her father were on the road because of her, which makes her feel terribly guilty about being the cause of her father's death.

[@Thisdotban]

Interesting, that does not explain why James would be mad with his mom unless she also blamed OPs wife and she purposefully named her kid James to create a constant reminder by triggering her guilt.

[@kjarllan7097]

@@Thisdotban she lied to him, she says to him she named it to honor her father. So he went to "i'm named in honor of my grandfather" to "i'm named to spite on my family".

[@Mithandune]

There is edit to 1 story: Edit - thank you all so much for your responses. Sorry for not replying to any. Reading them has been alot. Honestly, I'm going to drink a bottle of wine (or two), read your kind responses and cry myself to sleep. Writing this all out and living it again has been hard. Unfortunately I'm not able to change the locks (landlord said no) but my tenancy ends on the 12th of June and I already have a new flat to move into. And thankfully my dad has been able to cover the cost of a private therapist and I see her again Tuesday. Thank you all so much again for your kind words

[@lorilancaster5917]

I hope the best for OP moving forward

[@DoSoConfidently]

Last story: I'm reading the nephew's reaction as not being towards being named after the father, but rather that his mother knew that naming him after the father would have a negative impact on the the sister and therefore cause resentment. I was reading this as his anger was at the mother who named him knowing it would cause him to have no chance at a relationship with an aunt through no fault of his own. I'm guessing he heard all his life "we don't know why she doesn't want to spend time with you".

[@trout512]

Last story: The OP never says what the accident is, and while it was probably a car accident, there aren't any details mentioned. Maybe FIL was at fault for the accident or something, without getting the full picture we can't really know. Either way though, it does seem extremely malicious on Regina's part. She was told it was a bad idea repeatedly, and apparently it was so rough for James that he's cutting his mom out immediately.

[@bibigamer502]

Maybe the mom in question wanted to ignore her kid and didn’t care what anyone else thought

[@daedaluscreation4869]

Last Story: The entire point and problem with her naming the boy JAMES is the fact that everybody in the family told her not to and she decided to anyway. She was warned ahead of time of the potential problems. That boy had to grow up 18 years without a proper connection with his aunt because of the decision that his mother made! His mother choose a name having been fully warned of the potential risk! She is the villain

[@Reddit_smoke]

I feel like there is some piece of information about the late grandfather. There has to be some family trauma beyond the death.

[@daedaluscreation4869]

@@Reddit_smoke yeah, read the update comment someone else posted. She's a monster... villain is too mild a word.

[@BA-pu4gm]

@@daedaluscreation4869 there was no update that said that?? everyone on the thread said op was the AH

[@daedaluscreation4869]

@@BA-pu4gm look thru the comments. Someone found the updated story and posted it. Not here to argue 👍

[@BA-pu4gm]

@@daedaluscreation4869 could u post the username of the commenter, cant seem to find it

[@TheAidanodian]

In the final story: having someone specifically named directly after someone who died next to her in a car, who was her father, is not going to help with the trauma healing process.

[@healingthroughchrist1988]

But James being mad at his parents suggests that there's more to this story than meets the eye. Why did Jame's parents accuse OP of painting them as villains? Seems like they were lying to James for years and OP telling him the truth exposed their lie.

[@Yeshuah6]

Yeah there's something weird going on there. Either something's withheld or the story is made up.

[@healingthroughchrist1988]

@@Yeshuah6 Notice that James's parents accused OP of painting them as villains. That tells me OP telling James the truth exposed a lie that his parents were telling him.

[@kaimagnus5760]

Adding an additional judgement to the first story. OP gets 0/5, OP's EX gets 5/5, and OP's sister gets 4/5 for even suggesting that OP was in the wrong. The EX is so far in the wrong in that story where he almost warrants a scale breaking 6/5.

[@raarasunai4896]

4th story: Yup, call the authorities there. If they are careless enough to leave their children with someone who explicitly said “Do not leave your kids with me. I will not watch them,” then who’s to say they won’t end up dumping their kids on someone who means the children harm?

[@Joyohjoy112]

Story 1: I’m so sorry….as a father, as a parent, my heart goes to you. You are so not in the wrong and I pray and hope for you. You deserve so much better.

[@esecretlangel9130]

Story 3: sounds like SIL prefers being pregnant and the perks then having a child.

[@proffesorstew2825]

story 1: The "father" decided to leave the pregnant mother to go through the pregnancy, and birth then after months he finally comes back and his first words were "were is MY child". I hate the thought of this guy being called a father, he did nothing to deserve being a father and did almost everything you can do to NOT be a father then was mad that you didn't treat him like a father. I truly to my very bones hate deadbeats like this guy, just the audacity and pride to call the baby your child after months of radio silence is repulsive

[@kristalrp]

You're right Rslash, the last story doesn't make sense. Naming someone after a deceased loved one is not uncommon. Any resonable person would tell their child where their name came from and I assume they would've already had the conversation on how the Grandfather died a long time ago. If the son is that upset, it's usually that he was lied to his whole life about something. Something is off with this story.

[@ladyvee2090]

Y'all seem to forget that trauma exists and it isn't always logical. The poor kid is named after a person that is directly tied to a severely traumatic event. She was badly injured, lost years of her life to a coma, and even 18 years later still isn't over it even though one would assume she's been getting help to cope with that trauma. There's also the fact that literally _everyone_ told the kids mom that naming him after her dad was a mistake. Everyone. That's a bad sign. That also means that the mom knew that name would act as a trigger for her trauma but named him that anyway. As a tangent, when I was a kid my brother was driving us to school. The car started to drift to one side and over those strips that make noise, to alert drivers that they could be going off the road. Then suddenly the steering failed and we went careening off the road, into a tree, at highway speeds. Neither of us were badly hurt and our parents still made us go to school. That event traumatized me, to this day, over a decade later, driving over those noise making strips still evokes panic from me, being a passenger in a car still makes me extremely anxious. Doesn't matter if it's illogical, it's because of the trauma.

[@Me-dr9dv]

The 1st story is even worse when considering that she didn't even want the baby at the beginning. Then the husband used peer pressure to convince her to keep said baby. So he convinces her to keep the child, then suddenly disappears when the baby is close to being born? Then the douchebag has the nerve to get pissed when she doesn't tell him the baby's dead, though he's been ignoring her all this time?

[@cookeepuff]

Story 1: Imagine being so gone from your baby’s life that you’re unaware that the baby is not even alive and hasn’t been for 6 months. NTA

[@devlynandlink]

Hope that last story gets some context. Feel like ether someone is pulling some bs or information is being withheld to make it seem like someone isn’t as bad as they know they are

[@StupidCatLady]

Idk, something that traumatic (my guess is a car accident) that severely injured and put one person in a coma and kills the other leaves irrational wounds. Trauma doesn't manifest rationally and so we may look at this as weird, Ops Wife may see her actions as reasonable. Not saying that there couldn't be info that's withheld, but there honestly might not be.

[@krystalfloods6197]

Apparently, his wife blames herself for the accident because she was the reason they were out there. I think it’s ridiculous how everyone is treating the sister, that was her father also, and she wanted to name her child after her father, that she also lost. I get the wife has trauma but she’s an asshole and the nephew was an innocent kid. It’s also bs the family tried to get her to change the name when that was literally her freaking father!

[@readjordan2257]

16:57 what if he DIDNT know the grandfather's name? I dont know what that means, but i feel thats a corner piece to this puzzle somehow.

[@bdpickett]

So, the guy stays with her just long enough to make sure she can't have an abortion, runs home to mommy because he "can't handle the stress", completely breaks all contact with the mother of his child for the entire rest of the pregnancy and then has the absolute gall to be angry at her for him not knowing about the baby dying. Jesus! Anyone who would dare call her the butthole in this situation is almost as big a butthole as he is. This is just insane. Honestly, the kid kinda lucked out avoiding having this insane deadbeat for a dad.

[@MM-sn6ix]

Last story: the reactions would make sense, if the FIL was responsible for the accident. Like severely drunk while driving, for example. That, in combination with the trauma, can easily explain the extreme reactions by the people involved.

[@SoupMansSoup13]

I really want to know why everyone heard "father and daughter in a severe car accident" and immediately assumed he was drunk driving

[@Triplebrc]

Hearing these kinds of stories convinces me more and more that having children should require a license, and each extra child a much stricter one each time, would solve several issues our society has at once.

[@DecembreBlossom]

I think in the last story, there were some pieces that had to be left out- OP said they couldn't go into it, but it may be that the late FIL caused the accident somehow (maybe like an alcoholic who got behind the wheel with his daughter in the car). If the FIL did something that put both the trauma of his life ending & being in a coma (especially if he wasn't a good human before the accident) on her, it would be a slap in the face for her to deal with her own sister honouring him

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 2: how come it's both your dogs, but she's not giving a penny to this surgery? When she left with the dog when I was second thought she took on all the responsibilities you owe her nothing.

[@lorilancaster5917]

And she never let OP bond with the dog. He was the caregiver since his wife had the mindset of a 4 year old when it comes to taking care of a dog. If she can’t pay for the procedure, she can either start a go fund me or consider end of life options.

[@lightla123]

I think 'father' in story 1 actually deserves more of a AH score. OP didn't want to keep the baby but the 'father' talked them into keeping the baby but decided it was too hard for him and decided to run away to mommy even though they were the ones that wanted to keep it.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "How DARE you not tell us!" You made it pretty clear that you didn't want to hear a single thing Op wanted to say. You _knew_ she was pregnant yet went out of your way to block _all_ attempts at communication, but you're gonna blame _her_ for you not knowing? You're gonna blame the pregnant woman that you abandoned and cut contact with for not hunting you down and telling you she was in labor or that her son died? (And yes, I said "her son" and not "their/your son" because he has no business calling himself anything other than a worthless piece of sh*t)

[@leslieking6259]

1st story: Change the damn locks. Block your horrible ex and his equally horrible mother AND his extended family. You owe them nothing.

[@metalqueen237]

I always appreciate how tough rSlash is on terrible dads and doesnt hesitate to call them exactly what they are. My father left before i was born. I was born into severe poverty & lived w/ my drug addict mother, physically abusive grandmother & creepy uncle. While my mother had some serious problems, when she was lucid or sober she did genuinely want to be a good parent. She worked 3 jobs & starved herself so she could afford to feed me & my brother. Things would’ve absolutely been better if she hadn’t been a drug addict, but i know thats not something you just wake up one day & suddenly decide to change, or that you can change in an instant. My father left me & my brother in that mess bc he wanted to keep mooching off my mother & grandmother but they wouldn’t let him. Me & my brother were adopted & are now in a much better situation, but im still furious at him for leaving, being a deadbeat, at the life me & my brother could’ve had if he at least had the decency to get a job. Ive always thought about how maybe if he stayed he could’ve helped my mother kick her addiction, he could’ve protected me & my brother from all the horrible things that happened to us, our mother wouldn’t have had to starve herself half to death to keep her kids alive, I’d still know what my own mother looks like.

[@erinclark5681]

First story: He abandoned you. He's earned nothing from you and deserves nothing from you but your silence. Speaking only for myself, I don't know that I would've even tried at all to tell him what had happened. He lost any right to know when he cut communication.

[@sirace5442]

story 1 you messaged him, you went to his house and he wasnt there its not your fault your little one didnt survive and its not your place to find a way to tell a deadbeat that you lost your baby. your baby not his he wasnt there so he has no right to walk in an expect to see his baby even if bubby didnt pass away. you messaged him before the funeral its not your fault he didnt make the effort to find out what was going on with his own child.

[@CrownedYeti]

The fact that someone could disappear, go no contact and then show up and berate you for not trying harder to find them is INSANE. Cut them all from your life. And if I were OP, I would have some really choice words to say before I stopped talking to him forever; Cruel, and cutting things that I would hope haunt him for the rest of his life.

[@test-kf2zv]

First OP is NOT the a-hole, but I wonder if they tried contacting his siblings, since they're mentioned and I'd think OP would have their contact info? Unless it was one of those things where they weren't a close family. BUT even if it was an option, OP is still in the clear, because of course OP and her parents were more focused on grieving their son/grandson. If you see you have missed calls from a person you know, you call them back, especially when they're pregnant with your kid/grandkid. My guess is the siblings may not even know the whole story. Not sure why OP's sister thinks she's TA.

[@erichanastacio9695]

When you got PTSD because of a terrible accident which also causing the death of James (the grandpa)... SIL naming her son as James... would definitely trigger the PTSD because OP's wife would always remember that accident that she can't recover from. Now... calling him James backfire on his mother.

[@TosillKohut]

For the last story: While not mentioned, it is assumed that the wife was driving or the reason they were out together that day during the accident and feels tremendous guilt for what happened (while it not being her fault). Regina deciding to name son after their father while the wife was still dealing with everything that happened and trying to process it was the catalyst. She could’ve easily given her son a different name and the fathers name for his middle name.

[@aliciagates1]

1st story sounds to me like the 'father' stuck around to be sure she couldn't abort it (hence staying to 20 weeks) and then disappeared because he didn't actually want to be a father. He felt strongly enough that he wouldn't let her abort it and talked her out of it and then left when he could. He didn't care about that baby whatsoever, he just wanted to control her, which is why he was so mad when the baby didn't make it. He didn't have anything connecting them for him to control her with. Also evident by the fact that he just let himself into her house without any warning or without her even being home. It's a power move to show her that he can do whatever he wants.

[@bonniehalf-elven]

I hate that OP feels guilty in the first story. She did everything she could to contact him and her MIL. What a horrible, garbage person to do that to her on top of everything she's already been through. And I think her sister deserves a bad guy score, too, for even suggesting that she could have done more! Get these toxic people out of your life. You deserve better!

[@harsteu]

The last story, Imagine your whole life wondering why your aunt was distant towards you. Wanting that person to love you as a member of the family. Never been told why. Then been told that it's because, before you were born, your aunt was in an accident that claimed the life of their parent, caused physical damage to them. That you were basically a walking trigger point to that tragedy, because your own mother decided to name you after them. Imagine how it must feel to know that your very existence brings pain to someone you call family. And it's not only avoidable, but entirely because of your mother's decision.

[@ElecticalCheetah]

Story one: disgusting behavior, I bet his mother made sure not to have him talk to op at all, then reap in the attention of the aftermath by lying and manipulating her son

[@guitarbass22]

For the last story, we better hope it ends up on r/bestof because there’s so much missing context. Lol. Like I understand the trauma the OP’s wife felt and stuff, but the nephew’s reaction seems a bit over the top. Idk though, and that’s why I think it needs an update.

[@SenailCooledge]

I don't think it's over the top. I mean, how would you feel finally knowing after years that the reason you're not as close to a relative is because your mom named you after someone involved in something so traumatic that still has lasting damage to this day, that she was warned about multiple times but then still did it anyway?

[@guitarbass22]

@@SenailCooledge Fair, but we’re still missing a lot of context. Lol

[@SenailCooledge]

@@guitarbass22 That's kind of the nature of r/AITA we very rarely get 100% context.

[@joycec8]

I, too, am triggered by story 1's sperm donor, his family, and even OPs sister. There's a special place in hell for these people.

[@Bruje137]

The last story confused the heck out of me. My father-in-law passed away before I had the chance to meet him. My older son's middle name is his middle name. Then my younger son's middle name is his first name. There is no negativity associated with the names. You're right, something isn't adding up.

[@Broeckchen]

Hmm... the last story kind of only makes sense if the father caused the accident, either on purpose or through negligence like drunk driving, right? That would make it super distasteful to name the new child after him amd would explain why the mere name shakes OP's wife up so much. Imagine being introduced to a baby that bears the name of someone who almost killed you.

[@CrimsonCateye]

For the last story, James was named after his late grandfather, the grandfather that died while op's wife went into a coma for years. Her physical woulds healed but she's had no time to process what happened before she woke up. For her when she got out of the coma everything was still fresh to her. She just lost her father and found out her nephew has his name. She will associate the trauma of losing her father with her nephew. Its a psychological thing

[@chaosreigner869]

I think it might be that the father in the last story was actually responsible for the accident that killed him and injured the wife. It would explain why she has such a traumatic response to the name, and why the nephew became so angry at his mother.

[@sparklinggrimm532]

OP said in comments, that Wife was the one who needed to be out and about, and her trauma is the guilt of that. (Plus the name is uncommon where they live, so her father was her previous association with it.)

[@TetraSky]

Last story : Traumatic events are no joke. It's not about "something not adding up". It's the fact James wanted a normal familial relationship with her and that was stolen from him before he was even born by his karen of a mother. I wouldn't be surprised if she disregarded the "opinions" of others on a daily basis and that there was more than just this one singular event that pushed James away from his mom.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 what monsters to harass op after all this. Block them all.

[@dinaolds5037]

OOOHHHH that first story triggered the hell out of me. I had almost the same thing happen. My BD bailed on me at 7 months pregnant due to his "mother" and "best friend" lie to him about me cheating on him (never did). I had to be induced because her heart was failing. I called. She was transferred after birth. Called again. She passed away 36 hours after birth. Called again. And again. And again. He finally came around after she passed and I shared what I could of her with him including the paternity test proving she was his. It's been 19 years and the last time I heard from him he wanted copies of her pics for his mother. I told him to pound sand.

[@trevorsullivan3706]

Dude in the first story doesn't deserve 5/4. He deserves 10/10 buttholes

[@Enya_artist]

You do know that 5/4 is more than 10/10. (If you meant 5/5, that's also equal to 10/10 lol)

[@giggle_snort]

@@Enya_artist He deserves 500/5.

[@DarkEinherjar]

OP in the last story added some more details about the interaction between the wife and the nephew: "My wife didn't treat him as a pariah, just bit more closed off to him than others. Ex: she didn't babysit him as often, she didn't take him on fun stuff alone as often (Ex he would get 1-2 a month alone while my other nephew got 2-3 times). Other than that they have an good relationships. She might not talk to him on bad days, but she does that to Calvin too because he looks so much like FIL." Sounds like the wife has untreated PTSD, and everything that reminds her of her late father triggers her. I think this is what happened: James found out that everyone told his mother not to give him that name, she gave it anyway, and this basically ruined any chance to bond with his aunt the same way his siblings and cousins could. He got worse treatment from his aunt because of something that was outside of his or the aunt's control, and the mother is to blame for it. That's why he directed his anger at her.

[@theshortone1959]

The last story I think the OP is withholding information about abuse. The dead James most likely did something unforgivable. The aversion to the name James is similar to that which I had to the name of my first SA abuser.

[@kalifogg6610]

My biological maternal grandfather SA’d his children, called my mom names and then ghosted her. I would never dream of naming a son after him because I love my family members and I don’t want them to have a nephew/grandson who shares a name with their abuser.

[@NinjaBoy641]

1st story: NTA, this is literally victim blaming. What was OP expected to do, contact him via telepathy?! She quite literally tried EVERYTHING! It's not her fault that he ghosted her! 2nd Story: NTA, you were told over and over again that it wasn't your dog. It doesn't suddenly become your dog just because she says so. 3rd story: NTA, she basically expected you to become a live-in babysitter because neither of them can be assed to actually be a parent. 4th story: NTA, they were just abusing your generosity and expected you to just suck it up. 5th story: Jeez, what's with all these "raise my kids for me" stories in this video? NTA, ontop of her sexist comment on women being better at being parents, you aren't obligated to take care of someone else's kids! 6th story: NTA, she f@cked around and found out. You lose the right to be upset when you make a decision literally everyone was trying to steer you away from.

[@PinataFreaks]

6th story: Just guessing here. But based on OP saying he can't share every detail, several people telling OPs sister to not name her son after the dad, the wife's reaction to the name, and the kid's reaction to learning about the name. I have a theory. I think the dad caused the accident. Or he was abusive. Or both. Like, maybe he was driving drunk or something else happened where he was driving recklessly. And if he was the type of person to drive recklessly with his kids in the car, or while drunk, it's not a stretch to say he was abusive as well. We have seen other stories on Reddit where siblings have named their kids after an abusive parent because "They don't remember them like that" simply because they were too young to remember the abuse. I think something similar happened here. But who knows? Maybe it's just the trauma of the accident and I am full on slandering an innocent man. Edit: Nope. I read OP's comments. And the problem is just that the wife didn't get to properly grieve the dad. Everyone else got years to process it and move on. But the wife didn't. She woke up from the coma, was informed that her dad was dead and was then presented with a nephew that had her dad's name. So it was always jarring to her to hear people use that name for the nephew when she never properly got to grieve the last owner of that name. That's it. I don't see how that warrants the nephew's reaction. But here we are.

[@SenailCooledge]

Probably because he was more than likely lied to for years about it and sees his mom as the reason he's not close with his aunt like all the other nieces and nephews. She was warned multiple times by multiple people not to name him that because it would cause issues like this, and the way she acted about it, when if she wanted the name so bad it could've been a middle name? Since the names were changed for the story, Jame's actual name isn't even that common, so it's not like the wife would just casually hear it in the street.

[@mushythezombehkiller]

I have a feeling that dad in story 1, if real, cut contact because he didn't want the wife, but was actually looking to take custody of the child. He pushed for one, and by the way he came back for the kid, it's clear he wanted only the child, and now knowing he doesn't get either, he's showing how horrid of a person he is and taking it out on another person grieving.

[@d.phantomfan1216]

Story 3: when was SIL going to let you know you plan on making you her personal nanny, and did your brother really think you were just going to go along with it? Your dad's right they can do whatever they want with their life but you don't have to support them, had you don't even have to stay in the house. You pay rent so it's not like they can kill you when you are ready contribute to their household. I recommend getting out of there, as long as you live there it gives a sense of well she says that now but she won't let a child be hurt by yes and will automatically help.

[@lorilancaster5917]

OP should just move out even with roommates. She will be better off financially and emotionally. Let brother and SIL take care of themselves.

[@unknownstranger6394]

Last story, it doesn't say she mistreats her nephew or dislikes him, she just can't connect with him. It is because of the trauma she suffered and that killed her father. Every time she looks at her nephew her brain can't see just her nephew. The sister by naming him James created a link to the father and now every time OP sees the nephew, the trauma is brought back into mind. As long as James is around, OP will never be able to just forget and move past the trauma she lived through.

[@EP05]

3:26 *inserts meme of Rslash triggered*

[@LRosieB]

OP posted some clarification in some comments to the last story. Some of the information is conflicting, but from what I can tell: 1. OPs wife was still in and out of the hospital when her sister named her son after their dead father. 2. OPs wife was the reason they were out that night 3. A psychologist told them it wasn’t a good idea to name James after his dead grandfather at the time, especially since OPs wife was unable to go to therapy. 4. James is a filler name, but the real name is very uncommon in their country There’s probably more info if you take the time to look

[@emmiewolf6948]

Hope everyone has a food day :)

[@ryanroda8565]

Mmm food

[@summerbagnall7476]

Mmmmm food

[@HatBox]

Mmm food

[@eitrtine3448]

You to! Have a nice day~

[@everyword1249]

I will certainly have a food day. Thanks! ❤

[@maranathaschraag5757]

The guy who tried to dump his twins on his nieghbors called them "spineless leeches" when they refused and set boundaries. Accusations really are confessions when it comes to narcissists

[@Emoisemotional420]

Welp, at least my cat waking me up gave me the lerfect opportunity to watch RSlash first thing in the morning!!! Thanks for posting such consistent content!!❤️❤️

[@LadyLeomon]

Your cat just wants you to hurry and watch so you can get back to serving him/her 😂😂😂

[@connerthearcher9653]

My take on the last story: James is angry at his mother because he blames her for his aunt's distance with him, a.k.a he feels she robbed him of a possible relationship with his aunt, and feels she caused his aunt's coldness towards him. It's less about the name, from his perspective, and more about the effects it had and who caused it. Basically, James sees his mother as the person who took away his aunt from him, before he ever had the chance to build any sort of relationship.

[@kevintull3302]

Interesting theory.

[@onlecesne]

I love that rslash post so consistently at the same time

[@davidweaver4436]

I don't get the confusion over the last story. It's pretty simple even without the extra details some of the other comments dug up. Regina named her firstborn after the deceased grandfather despite everyone cautioning her that doing so would set off OP's wife's trauma... which it did, so James gets shut out because OP's wife can't shut off her PTSD, which is understandable. That stuff is beyond her control. James, the kid, finds out about his mother's terrible decision and now has 18 years of pent of frustration explode so he leaves. That's the lite version of the story. Apparently Regina was even more malicious if other comments are to be believed.