r/AITA My Step-Dad Starves Me

[@Skyler.142]

Notice how the mom in the first story completely omits that whenever her daughters get money the dad makes them give some to the step sibling. She’s purposefully leaving out details to make the husband look better

[@Gabriel-lh7gy]

Or she is unaware which is way *way* worst

[@Skyler.142]

@@Gabriel-lh7gy nah this is more malicious, and the fact that she also didn’t mention the dinner thing is also super telling that she DOES know about the money thing

[@s0lastsummer7]

I'm liiiike 98.4% sure that the mom found the daughter's post, then wrote hers pretending she didn't, which is why there's a certain tone to it.... it's specifically meant to manipulate the daughters into coming back, not to gather people's input. The devil is in the details.... or rather, in this case, the lack of certain details, because not only does she know that her daughters already know these details, but she also can't un-see that the daughters already provided them.

[@inkrose1235]

Did anyone notice how they were only talking about their kid's future but not her daughters? Or am I Miss something because that kinda stuck to me weird

[@stevenscott2718]

@@inkrose1235 You missed the part where she claimed they were talking about the eldest 2 children one of the sisters and a step brother. still think she lying by omission though

[@xxTC-96xx]

even with the mother's side of the story, yeah she's still in the wrong for letting her husband get away with all this abuse, she's an enabler

[@RiveroftheWither]

Yeah, she is very conveniently leaving out all the abusive things he's done that the oldest daughter mentioned. She just jumped from "He's a wonderful man" straight to "and then he screamed at them for having other family pay for their college. Uh but he's TOTALLY never done this before, nope, never... Wonderful man... Trust me! And I didn't agree with him so I'm definitely off the hook right?". This sounds to me like the mom found the daughters reddit post and made hers in response to save face.

[@EnchantingWings1]

Her "not believing that interests help the daughters explore who they are" is also nonsense. Every interest we have, permanent or temporary, helps us discover who we are. Her current husband may have been wanting to limit the daughters hobbies so that his kids could indulge in theirs. Wouldn't be all that surprising.

[@missluciddreams3472]

And she described him as a "wonderful man" 😐

[@dionysus_adores]

You know how your own post supposed to make you sound really good? The second one doesn't any parent would love their kids to go to collage without debt, grow up doing activities that they like, enjoy life. This parent doesn't want that for her kids, and the step father would never pay for those kids to go to college.

[@darlenefraser3022]

I can’t believe that sorry excuse for a mother.

[@ahstiasummers5583]

How the mom talked about "Emily and Stacy" compared to "our kids" speaks about how she subtly favors her new kids and stepkids over the two she had with her ex-husband

[@Upper_echelon_exotics]

I don't know about that

[@lavenderwashington5337]

I agree actually

[@JustAStump]

​@@Upper_echelon_exoticsif you don't notice the difference that's sad... it's pretty obvious the difference the way they are treated and talked about.

[@kg5626]

Story #1: The mom's story only paints her children as entitled spoiled brats instead of kids without a father. Bob is a "wonderful man" in her words and never mentioned his abusive behavior. She is a bad mother. She allowed a man mistreat her children just to have a man in her life.

[@akl2k7]

Even worse, he's a "wonderful man" but she still says he yells at the kids.

[@Kumo5980]

@@akl2k7 I swear either she is trying to save face or trying to defend her husband which only made her WORSE!!!! To me the people that call her “NTA” definitely NEVER read the kid’s side of the story The mom is a bitch for pulling this and I think their father will be disappointed how she turns out hope the kids NEVER talk to her or Bob!

[@teslagod7221]

my bet is that she's addicted to her manhood and became very crazy to it that she could say goodbye to her own kids and not abandon her addiction...

[@jakefox589]

Not only him dividing equally between the 5 kids means instead of 100 bucks for each daughter it’s 40 bucks, that’s selfish and larceny/theft of property belonging to Stacy and Emily

[@Kumo5980]

@@jakefox589 starving his step-kids is the biggest crime here!, you a parent have a job and that is obligation to make sure your kids even step-kids are fed! He denying them food is more than enough to never go back there And I’m betting he didn’t do the same to his own kids he probably let them eat like 30 minutes late or an hour late! I’m betting he directing his stress and hate on his step-kids The mom is the worse here because I would have left him too if I seen my kids are starving! But the fact that she turns a blind eye on what he did to her kids Like starving them or the fact that she yelled at her own kids for the fact that they’re being supported by their uncles she’s definitely enabling him I’m gonna assume that when the uncles tells her to go to hell is because they now know what Bob and the mom did all this time hope that the daughters never talk to them again!

[@MsBELLE7]

Story 2; those girls are NOT spoiled. They have two people who love them and want to actually make them happy and let them be who they are. Those girls deserved a better mom.

[@nationalinstituteofcheese3012]

Yes, the uncles spoil them. However that doesn’t make them spoiled brats. They’re girls who lost their father and their uncles are spoiling them with love and support to make them feel loved after such a traumatic experience

[@vanguardangel6912]

They're spoiled in the BEST way if that makes sense! X...D Is there another word for that? I gues...really loved? I'm not sure.

[@philip8498]

Holy moly, those uncles are absolute kings. They deserve everything good in this world. Also screw the step dad. What a doofus

[@TJDious]

I really wish Bob would do something to give the angel uncles a reason to beat the holy bloody hell out of him. Like break into their house screaming threats while being recorded on a ring doorbell.

[@Samantha.K.S.Simpson]

​@@TJDiousOr being threatened back by the uncles, them calling him a financial abusive douchebag and to take his biological kids and get out out of their SILs life - the half-sibling being left with the mom. I have other things in mind, but all those are solely fictional because they come out of a TV-series that's been on air for 20 seasons

[@DoofusJack]

hey! that last sentence is an insult to me!

[@philip8498]

@@DoofusJack damn, sorry about that one. No insult intendes to actual doofuses

[@anuragneelam8527]

@@DoofusJack apologies good sir

[@dracko158]

Bob: **Preaches about fairness** Also Bob: **Takes OP'S money to divide it, starves them if they are late, literally SCREAMS AT THEIR FACES for getting their college funds paid by the uncles** OP'S mom, divorce this AH, seriously. I would not stand for it if I was the wife here.

[@TheBoboTheIceMan]

See now I wonder what OPs dad did (or if it was mom) that caused their parents to divorce before dad died, thats worse than what this shit stain is doing that mom is ok with.

[@58008O]

Not to mention the uncles are probably paying for a good amount of the food too

[@Estarile]

And like that's 2 kids whose colleges they don't have to worry about. So thanks to the Uncles he only needs to worry about paying for 3 college's which should dramatically change the math.

[@strikeforce1500]

I geniuly doubt she will leave that POS. She have her head to deep into her butt to see the abuse

[@Nerobyrne]

@@Estarile lol college is a scam for the price they charge. Should like 10% of that. So glad I live in a civilized country.

[@LordBison98]

"We don't want my ex-BILs spoilering our daughters" Can I just mention that despite all the "spoiling", how mother refers to it, the girls seem to be good and kind, not bratty and quite happy and loving? Not only Brothers help them in life, but it looks like they also teach girls good morals.

[@FearMyLadyBits]

that was weird for me too. I never knew buying clothes and shoes for growing childre, and paying for extracurricular activities, was "spoiling".

[@akl2k7]

Yeah, it seems like the "spoiling" is providing the basics and treating the daughters like human beings. But of course, they shouldn't have it easy, because misery builds character/s Never mind that they had it rough due to their dad dying and getting replaced with a verbally abusive dirtbag.

[@scuba535]

@@FearMyLadyBits I could see (kind of) where the riding lessons and buying the piano and the lessons for that could be considered spoiling… but (and this is a big but) their dad probably would have done the same. I don’t see it as a problem because they probably would have been doing similar things with their dad. I have to wonder why the dad left, could it be that the mom isn’t that great of a person? It certainly points that way with how she lets bob treat them.

[@spydersoup8447]

I get the feeling that the reason why she states that her two daughters are being "spoiled" and claiming that her new husband is a wonderful man is just to make her seem like this sweet innocent person just so that people can get on her side, like it shows out much she's being brainwashed by her new husband. I wonder if this is why she divorced with her previous husband. She actually reminds me of the father from this other AITA story about OP's father cheating on her mother and then claiming that OP's mother was a waste of time durring his family proposal with his affair woman and being mad at OP for just being quiet and walking out instead of staying and congratulating him like he and the rest of the family obviously want her to do.

[@tigerheart89]

I think the baby in the crib story is sweet. The fact that the dad checks on his child every morning and tries to help wake his wife up for the day is sweet. And yeah you should not be leaving a baby in a crib awake for that long.

[@propio2957]

I agree, but if I was in the mom's shoes, I would be so annoyed at my husband calling me over and over to tell me how to take care of our kid.

[@EnDB]

If she would get up, he wouldn't bother. The kid sleeps all night long.

[@darlenefraser3022]

I’m sorry but a SAHM should be able to look after ONE 20 month old and have him up at a decent time. Lazy.

[@randigaleandtk]

​@@propio2957if you were in the mom's shoes, I'd hope you'd do your job.

[@propio2957]

@@randigaleandtk Dude, I'd hope so too! I don't really plan on being a mom, but if I am I'd like to think I'd do better than that, lol. I'm just saying I can understand why they'd both be annoyed with each other.

[@gameguy20100]

You can really tell Rslash is a father himself. Bad parents make him so angry. And set him off like nothing else.

[@LemonBarProductions]

Not necessarily.

[@onlyjpg]

@@LemonBarProductionshe is tho iirc

[@ThatHomelessScrubbalo]

I believe his daughter is 1 & 1/2... when this was uploaded...

[@onehittalon789]

very necessarily @@LemonBarProductions

[@sonicx24cool51]

I think it also clouds his judgment

[@365ral]

I'll never understand treating adopted or step kids like garbage. They're still your kids, even if you don't share DNA!

[@chronobretz9511]

It’s even worse because you CHOSE to be in that relationship knowing they had a kid

[@joaolima7131]

Eh, not really, it depends if the kid accepts them and if the other parents are still alive, but more the acceptance part. We know how it goes when a father/child relationships goes when it's forced in many of those stories. But yeah stepkids are owed basic respect at the very least.

[@thejourney1369]

That is the very reason I always said that if my husband died, there would be no stepfather. My son is almost 30 now and there still wouldn’t be a stepfather. No man is worth my child.

[@i-stay-silly]

and even if they weren't your kids, why would you treat ANY human like garbage??

[@FearMyLadyBits]

it's instinctive to want your own dna to have priority access to available resources. if you watch primate documentaries, the mothers have to constantly be on guard, protecting the babies from males and females alike. and with baboons, the males found they're more likely to mate with a female if they show her they're good with her existing baby. alot of people have to actively suppress their impulses towards unrelated children, especially if one of the parents isn't there to protect them.

[@silverflight01]

Story 1 (Both sides): Bob is abusive, the mom is spineless, and Bob's jealousy has caused the two kids to leave for their own safety. The uncles are MVP, though Like, why not at least help your kids if you're so concerned about your wife's kids getting all their college paid for, Bob.

[@thatguycalledphil6808]

Exactly. For him to be petty, immature, and outrageous as he was ridiculous. Furthermore, maybe I'm missing something, but if the uncles back out wouldn't that mean more student loans that Bob and his Wife would have to cosign for? Bob wasn't actually cheap, he was just an insecure dumbass.

[@dracko158]

Because, since the other kids have to get loans and overall a lot harder, he thinks OP and the sister should "experience" it for some reason. This guy, WANTS to make OP and the sister's lives harder. What an absolute f*cking jerk.

[@annika5893]

Yeah, that hubby sounds like a pre-teen having a tantrum. "It's not fair!" Newsflash: life isn't fair, people don't get everything handed out to them equally. Maybe that asshat should have saved up a bit of money for his kids' college instead of living his middle class dream life.

[@bibianaguadalupeislasherre9880]

And the parents are complaining or wonder why their children are not talking to them.

[@TJDious]

@@thatguycalledphil6808 lol Hell no. Parents aren't required to co-sign for loans. Bob wants to take their financial support away and make them shoulder the debt on their own, like his kids will have to because he's worthless.

[@JosieJOK]

OK, why is the husband so upset that he has 2 less kids to pay tuition for?! Also, mom is leaving out some information, but even in her own story, she’s the ah for allowing her controlling husband to verbally and financially abuse them.

[@teslagod7221]

because he believes his kids also deserves the gifts of his step-kids' father's brothers,who has no relation or care to their neice's mother or new husband(the ahole)...

[@bensoncheung2801]

👻💬 Simple, he wasn’t planning to pay their tuition at all, even without the uncles. But he still would’ve paid for his own kids, cause in his eyes, they’re clearly superior to the latter.

[@kennycai8695]

Easy. The stepfather is stated to have a need to be in control, so I'm already considering him to be a narcissist. I have a hunch this awful man gets kicks from seeing the two stepdaughters miserable, cause it puts him in a position of power or something. Hence, why he sees the two uncles and their aid to be a threat, and in turn, leading to him getting upset, classic narcissistic rage right there.

[@Art_museum28]

Story one: I just wanna say this. The uncles treating the girls and giving them nice things isn’t spoiling. It’s not. Spoiling would be like, unlimited gift giving and indulging in bad behavior which the uncles didn’t do. Sorry, just wanted to make that known if it wasn’t

[@starlightdash4285]

Exactly; people these days tend to forget that two difference things aren’t the same.

[@bellerain381]

Those uncles in the first two stories are TRUE HEROES!! They rescued those two girls from that horrible step father and gave them the life they deserved! I wish them all the best! The mom and that step father can go pound sand for all I care.

[@daemon2426]

Okay, the toddler left in the crib story bothers me a lot. That child is getting to an age where they will try to climb out of the crib. If she's not up with him and he doesn't cry, one of these days the baby is going to get hurt. My dad taught me how to climb out of my crib at a bit older than this and mom said it's a miracle I never hurt myself badly. I did hurt myself. Lots of bruises and bumps from falling. I don't think the wife is a butthole, but I do think she needs to understand the changing needs of her toddler.

[@nyxspiritsong5557]

I'm amazed that everybody is more or less ignoring the fact that after 12 hours a kid in a diaper is gonna NEED a change. I get that mom medical needs need to be addressed but leaving a kid in a diaper that long is NOT ok.

[@daemon2426]

@@nyxspiritsong5557 you're right. All I could see was a toddler falling from a crib, but this is a big deal too.

[@josiahforgotagain]

my little brother turned 2 in november and he started climbing out of the crib at around that age, maybe even a little earlier. one day, he climbed out of the crib and hit his head so hard that he threw up CLEAR and we find out that he got a concussion. we had to change his bed to a toddler one after that. moral of the story, don’t leave them in the crib like that for too long!

[@zilesis1]

@@nyxspiritsong5557 the thing is, we don't really know anything about this faminly at all. would the mom sleep forever if the husband didn't call? does she have an alarm for literally 2 min after his calls, so she would have gotten up anyway? maybe she gets up at 8am to change and baby as he wakes up then goes back for a short nap after? we don't know what she meant by "make breakfast then go get him" either. maybe she mean she'll be spending another hour cooking before going to her child? or maybe she meant she was goign to go eat an apple because her stomach was aching in pain from hunger? we don't know if the husband is the reason she's so tired even. does he keep her up because he comes home at 8pm and demands she cooks dinner and spends time with him? or is he cool with her going to bed with the kid? it could be any combination of these things and each one warrants a different a-hole score

[@nyxspiritsong5557]

@@zilesis1 you are totally correct. I'm just going off the post and the comments. IMO this is an awful situation for all and I really hope the wife gets help for the medical issues and op stops ignoring that the wife obviously needs more help.

[@oakenshadow6763]

The mother didn't STOP the husband from neglecting his step daughters. He chose to have kids, and marry someone with kids. It is your job to pay to raise them. Kids don't just up and leave. Even with only her side, you can tell there has to be more to it.

[@JadeAnnabelArt]

The dad calling every morning is doing his best to be involved in his kids life, in his families life. Part of being a mum is you have to get up early, it sucks, but your kid can't take care of himself. Okay editing cuz you read a bunch of comments on that last post but you didn't read the update. The op updated saying he didn't intend for it to seem like he hated his wife or she's neglectful. His wife added to the post saying she doesn't find it controlling. He also added that his wife has chronic fatigue, postpartum, and low vitamin B 12. She naps during the day when her son naps, then at night she can't sleep, so falls asleep around midnight. OP and wife had a long discussion and things are better. OP personally found it worrying how judgemental people are, and how quick people jump to conclusions.

[@SilencedBTM]

He found it worrying? Has he never been on reddit before?

[@christinedrummond4040]

I have the same opinion as rSlash on this one with NAH. I think they're both tired parents dealing with their own issues and just need to communicate better then they can find a solution that will fit everyone's needs. I especially understand feeling exhausted because of low vitamin B12. Some of us just don't absorb it correctly. :(

[@taco2215]

I was about to post about this because on other channels that covered this story they kept saying the dad was an A hole and controlling and other stuff

[@stephanieann6622]

I'm glad they are working it out. I hope she's gonna speak to someone about post partum that can be dangerous if it gets bad enough. It was 100% gross for people to say what they did about him I guarantee it's people who haven't had kids and if so probably aren't the best parents. Her routine did suck if she's leaving a kid alone that long especially at 20 months they're so quick to learn to climb out and can get hurt at that stage. But I can see how it'd be frustrating for the Mom but just because it's frustrating doesn't make it untrue, tough love is a necessity some times

[@spoopyvirgil4944]

@@christinedrummond4040 I wonder if the wife is getting vitamin B12 shots. My dad needed those recently since his vitamin B12 dipped lower then it needed to be.

[@shantimattie9916]

For those who were saying that OP was "spying" on his kid with the nanny cam… where was your mind going? Don’t you ever peek in on your sleeping child, just to make sure they’re still breathing, and listen to them sleeping with a little smile because they’re okay? It’s one of the best parts.

[@christophersmith7064]

It’s cause he’s a man with a child. Read a bunch of stories where strangers, women feel like they are better to change a fathers child’s diaper cause the fathers were weird for wanting to change their child’s soiled diaper. One of them said why the hell would I let a stranger touch my daughter and she dead called him a child lover and pedo

[@strawberrysoulforever8336]

I mean, don't most parents check on their kids at night? A lot of them look in on their kids when they're just about to go to bed until a certain age. Mine did.

[@shantimattie9916]

@@strawberrysoulforever8336 I know, right? What if there’s a monster under the bed or something? Parents gotta be there.

[@skywalkerjohn8965]

@@strawberrysoulforever8336 Im 19 and my parents still occasionally check my room because i sometimes sleepwalking so they want to make sure i am not outside.

[@violet7773]

The baby clearly likes it too, since he smiles and says "dada" when he hears his dad's voice. Adorable

[@eskykitty]

the uncles are so so wonderful oh my goodness. everyone should be more like them. even though the girls lost their dad, they ended up getting two more with their uncles

[@miacarvalho8732]

"he basically told me that he is doing what his brother couldn't and me and my husband can go to hell if we don't like it"GOD THAT MAN

[@birdjericho]

That's the one detail, right there, that makes her the asshole.

[@Turbo_Waitress]

The last story: When OP described communicating with his son over the camera app, I just kinda love the image of the baby waking up and the “sun” mysteriously turns on and he hears his dad’s voice. Story 1&2: Bob gets 5/5 buttholes and the mom gets…3? 3.5? I do feel bad for the stepkids for their financial situation. But that’s not on the two girls who lost their dad or on the uncles who stepped up wonderfully for them. And the mom turning on the girls instead of having their backs? Of course they left! And Bob wanted to call the cops? He’s abusive and OP is at best a terrible parent. It blows my mind how badly people screw up blending families sometimes.

[@AustinBlack28]

the mom gets 4 in my opinion

[@Kiku91]

Even in daycare, we can’t keep a baby in a crib for more than 15-30 minutes once they wake up. So a toddler waiting in a crib for an hour every day must be awful. Also he is going to start figuring out how to get out on his own, and that could lead to injury (if he botches the landing or gets stuck) or being unsupervised.

[@strawberrysoulforever8336]

Yes. My niece once got left in her crib for five minutes and then tried to get out, and ended up getting her legs stuck in the bars. She was about two and a half then. She got a new proper bed when she turned three a few months back.

[@michealpineapple6920]

I hope that one day society wakes up and realizes being family isn’t an excuse to be rude and abusive.

[@СергійСавелов]

It would be a miracle if our society managed to elevate to the point, where the only excuse to be rude in a response to rudeness.

[@KubzGrizzly]

And hopefully society won't have a habit of ONLY shaming the person responding to someone else's harassment, rather than holding the harasser accountable. (Seriously, that happens SO much in these stories AND in my own family life.) 🙄🙄🙄

[@messengerpigeon6472]

Story 1: If op really cared about her daughters feelings I feel she'd visit them for Christmas, then go back home to her husband and the other kids. Compromise. But no, she's choosing her new family over her two daughters whether she realizes it or not. I can understand not wanting the daughters to be too spoiled, but after going through something so traumatic I'm so damn glad their uncles stepped up. Especially with the new husband in the picture. I can guarantee husband is "so great" because she doesn't go against him and she'd get a wake up call the second she doesn't allow him to have control of everything. Him choosing whether the girls get to eat for the night should've been a wake up call, seeing her daughters crying to their uncle and not her should've been a wake up call, her husband going behind her back to threaten the uncles should've been a wake up call. He's not the good man she's claiming and she's definitely not telling the full story. Story 2: I really appreciate your perspective, I was leaning towards dad was the asshole but you brought up very good points, especially since babies are tiring as hell. I am concerned about the constant calling though since it can have a negative impact on his wife(her body refusing to wake up unless she's being called). Hopefully they can talk things over and things get easier.

[@kattamos6696]

My concern with the last story is that we don't know how long the baby actually gets left alone in the crib. The mom has admitted that she'd leave the baby awake in the crib in the dark while she went downstairs and made breakfast, so is no one concerned that she'd just leave the baby in the crib for other reasons? If he's already been awake for 1 hr or more, let's say it takes the mom 10 minutes to use the restroom/brush her teeth/get dressed, then another 20 to make breakfast, it all just adds up faster than you think and before you know it the baby's spending all morning in the dark alone.

[@MsJuno]

They also said the baby sleeps for 12 hours every night. Which means the kid has been in the crib for 13 hours.

[@melancholymelodies89]

This was added in another comment... There are updates to the story that she has a deficiency that makes her tired that she doesn't bother taking the medication for. Our children should not bear the consequences of our choices about our physical and mental help. OP is NTA.

[@digitaldritten]

​@@melancholymelodies89 oof, she needs help! being constantly fatigued sucks, and it even makes it harder to do things that will make you better (like taking pills or exercising) because you just don't have the energy... it's no excuse to mistreat a child of course, i just think that she might need an external intervention or something to get back on her feet.

[@samkathryn4825]

In the last story, it is also worth noting that the recommended or usual sleep for adults is around eight hours. If the child goes to sleep at 9 and wakes up at 9, Op’s wife SHOULD be able to have about four hours to herself. How this time is spent is important because if she has to clean and do laundry and stuff while Op has free time, then Op needs to step up. However, if the wife spends those hours sleeping, reading, watching tv, going out, etc, then it seems reasonable that Op would get distressed she isn’t waking with the child.

[@Lilith-Rose]

Op does all the housework and childcare duty from the moment he gets home from work, the wife however stays up all night playing on her phone and doesn't bother to set any alarms. Plain negligence on her part

[@mikayla1450]

Op also does the bedtime routine so she has more time, plus the fact that the kiddo doesn’t cry is concerning. A lot of the comments were saying the dad was overbearing bc the baby would cry if hungry/dirty diaper, but the neglect comments are all saying that the baby has learned the mother won’t come no matter how hard he cries which is literally a direct consequence/symptom of neglect. We have no way of knowing if this developed this way though, so they shouldn’t be calling her straight up abusive

[@ArcanineEspeon]

@@Lilith-Rose How do you know all that?

[@ChaoticNalilitoMC]

@@ArcanineEspeon it was revealed in the comments to common questions

[@Kait_B_]

@@Lilith-Rose No. She has post partum depression AND a sleep disorder that OP completely dismisses as actual issues

[@thetruth1816]

Story 1 : " am I the a hole for not wanting to be emotionally abused and not letting my sister get emotionally abused anymore by a guy who's not even my dad" should be the real title.. NTA op good on you getting away from the toxic house and honestly op mom is as complicit in the emotionally abuse as Bob!! Story 2 : YTA for letting Bob continously emotionally abuse your kids you jerk.. as long as your with Bob yta 100% no questions asked. Story 3 : NTA.. when you have young children you have to learn to get up at odd times and that sleep is overrated.. of course reedit says op is TA because op is a dude if you flip the gender they would tell op to get "away from the lazy man he's not a real father "..

[@theegg8676]

Couldn’t agree more about the gender swap

[@kespeth2]

1 and 2 are the same story.

[@SunJade-vr6nj]

With what you said about the gender swap, I think it’s a bit different because of what r/slash mentioned, the mother could have post partum or something that needs to be checked out in order to better function throughout the day for the sake of both her and her baby.

[@thetruth1816]

@@kespeth2 yeah my mistake..

[@CaptainTom_EW]

EXACTLY! I always think about the gender swap in these situations It's always like that, of course OP would be worried, it's probably his first time being a parent and he doesn't even get to be with his child! Is he going too far? Yes, but it's understandable and it's fixable!

[@Kelseyzj]

I can safely say when your husband is gone a lot that it becomes so emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. My husband's schedule is 2 weeks where we basically barely see him and 2 weeks where he works early enough that we can see him. So I can’t even imagine how OP's wife feels with that being her life 24/7 and rarely getting a break or help. But I can also see the husbands side. They just need to communicate more.

[@wynautwarrior2161]

Huh. I think you have a good point there.

[@lilacskies7695]

I had a step dad a lot like the one in the first story, after he cheated on my mom and made us homeless for 5 months, she went back to him. I didn’t speak to her for over 2 years after that. I had to learn how to be an adult and heal my own wounds at freshly 15. The only reason I started talking to her again is because she left him after he threw her out of a moving car, broke her hip, arm, and leg and bruised her entire right side. She realized after that that the demons he made us out to be weren’t who we truly were. Step dad sounds like a classic narcissist, doesn’t matter what’s fair to anyone but him and his kids. The uncles for me were my grandmother, she was the only reason I survived after that, but even she could only do so much.

[@LightBelI]

3rd story: They should change roles lol, the dad is the stay at home husband and the mother go to work And people saying about the "spy camera".... how stupid, of course you should watch your toddler, they can't be left by themselves but he is and for a good couple of hours

[@bhuddatwerks]

So many people kept saying NTA on that last story. Honestly, I can't imagine leaving my son in his crib for an hour or more. Once he's up, I get him out and hang out for him a little bit. When he gets into his groove, I go downstairs and make him food/drink. The mom is really being lazy when you hear how long the baby has to sit in the crib til she finally feels up to being a parent.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

What I used to do with my daughter is bring her from her crib to our bed, that way I didn't have to get out of bed right away and get to cuddle with her, sometimes it worked and sometimes she wanted to start her day right away. That mom is lucky to have a baby who sleeps for 12 hours uninterrupted and wakes up so late, she has no excuse

[@HobieInTheBox]

Lazy??? 💀 Not all mom's are the same, she's probably fucking exhausted, she needs her rest too lest she goes insane from fatigue

[@hachihiraga]

@@HobieInTheBox "the baby sleeps for 12 hours" "she's probably exhausted" then go to fucking sleep?

[@somethingcats]

@@HobieInTheBox yeah can we stop mom shaming? It's actually really good to leave a toddler alone. You know so you don't have a kid that clings to the parents and can't stand being alone at all

[@yourmother9834]

@@HobieInTheBox id give you that if the baby was 3 months old but this baby is 20 months old. No excuses. Mom needs to go to bed a NORMAL hour and get housework done while baby PLAYS during the day. It’s dangerous to leave a toddler alone point blank period. No one cares if you are tired, get up get the baby something to eat and change their diaper. Pissy diaper for 12 hours and you are coming up with excuses as to why she shouldn’t have to get up??? Are you shitting me? And I am a SAHM with a 19 month old who sleeps from 10-8am with a 2 hour nap mid day. This is NOT difficult. She is 100% being lazy.

[@ZombieSazza]

I’m a child abuse survivor, lots of physical violence that ended up in hospital trips, my brother would violently beat me as my mother encouraged him, she neglected me and forced me to bring up my brother like he was my own child. Food was often used as a tool to punish me for things my brother had done, I was blamed for absolutely everything, so food was used as a tool to “discipline” me. These are not parents OP, god the constant screaming just reminds me of my own mother, she would constantly scream over everything. So to answer: No, you’re not wrong for avoiding your abusive family, you wouldn’t be wrong for completely cutting all contact and honestly I’d completely recommend cutting all contact. It’s very obvious they’re playing favourites, your step-siblings are the golden children and you’ve been made into the scapegoats. At this point I’d cut all contact, stay far away, consider a restraining order, and avoid your mother and her toxic husband. I HATE that she describes “buying groceries” as “spoiling”, that your late husbands brother really stepped up and all you’ve been able to do is complain and weaponise everything against your children. This toxic man is openly abusing her children right in front of her and all she has to say is “oh well they’re spoiled”, you allow your husband to follow them around SCREAMING at them, your husband screams at your BIL, your husband screams at everyone, your husband just won’t stop abusing them and you just… stand there, let it happen, and somehow think that you’re in the right here?!?!? So yeah, I’d cut all contact. The best decision I ever made was cutting all contact with my mother and brother. I got diagnosed with PTSD & cPTSD, and unsurprisingly have nerve damage from the constant beatings as a kid. Your best decision is to just ditch your mother and her TOXIC husband, she is allowing this abuse.

[@josephmorgan3058]

Brother, take an old man's advice and edit this before your wife hears it. I know what you meant, but what you SAID was "I do all the work in the family and my wife is a stay at home mom." I know you are smart enough to see your mistake. I hope you are lucky enough to fix it before SHE sees it!

[@jittercritter]

Another thing I wanted to mention abt the first story/stories: so the uncles bought the kids lessons and equipment to get into several different hobbies (riding lessons, piano lessons) and while this might seem like spoiling to some people… as someone who has been riding the line between middle class and poor their whole life, that is freaking awesome. It’s true most people can’t afford to put their kid through such expensive hobbies only for them to get dropped and traded for another, but if you can afford that that is GREAT because you are not only giving your kid a super fun and diverse childhood, but you are also basically guaranteeing that they become excellent learners. Learning how to do that many things at such a young age is bound to create a healthy appetite for learning itself, and people that enjoy learning are BEAUTIFUL people. Just sayin. Being able to afford exploration is a good thing, it’s not spoiling. It can BECOME spoiling if you aren’t careful, but at base level it’s just a way to explore interests and build character, both absolutely good things. And yeah there are ways to do those things that aren’t as expensive (sports, boy/Girl Scouts, etc) but if you can afford the expensive stuff then why not throw that in there too?

[@superpotatogod]

I think you're the 3rd person I've heard talk about story 3 and it's completely baffling to me that I've never heard anyone criticise the mother for NEGLECTING HER TODDLER, at minimum that child will end up with diaper rash after being left with a potentially full diaper. I get that she's tired but honestly, tough shit, you have a child and it's health and safety take priority. I will give rSlash some credit though, at least he didn't hate on the dad for actually caring about his kid, unlike at least 1 other reddit KZbinr I've seen.

[@BritaMooreKutz]

There are plenty of people in the comment section here criticizing the mom, justifiably. I'm hoping this can be fixed, otherwise it would certainly be grounds for divorce. She needs to take care of herself better so she can take care of the kid too. (And I'd say the same if the genders were flipped.)

[@radhiadeedou8286]

And if she's doing this in the morning who knows how much that kid is neglected during the rest of the day

[@wmdkitty]

Because she's not. OP is the one forcing her to do 100% of the childcare to the point it's impacting her health and ability to sleep. He's TA for not doing his HALF of childcare.

[@whisper7393]

Even more crazy that the kid sleeps 12 hours, and OP(the husband) takes care of him for 4+ hours after he comes home from working 12+ hours daily. And the mom is still "too tired" after watching netflix all night.

[@livingbygrace5501]

Oh my goodness!!! The father of the toddler is NOT the butthole. A child of two should not be left alone in a crib for hours every morning. That is neglectful!!!!! If the child goes to sleep at 9, the mother could still have several hours to herself before she goes to bed And get ten hours sleep!!! I never had that when my children were young. When my grandson, who is two, wakes up he might be in his crib awake for fifteen minutes at the most. And both my daughter and husband work full time jobs and have an older child. It started as dad just wanting to see his child in the morning for some sweet greetings. Instead he had to watch his child standing forlornly in his crib, in the dark, waiting for mommy. Makes me wonder if the child USED to cry but leaned that his mom would not come to him so he just learned to silently wait. The more I think about it…the sadder I am for the child.

[@wolfywox]

If I were the parents in the first story, I would be thanking the uncles to start. It sounds like they've done a phenomenal job supporting the girls over the years. This is something that benefits the other children as well. If the girls have their tuition covered, that means you only have to worry about the tuition of three kids, as opposed to five.

[@Lyricaon]

Unles it the whole thing is really all about your ego and not the kids.

[@xxoxEMxoxx]

@@LyricaonEven if it’s the ego the kids benefit. The reason why is irrelevant if he’s taking care of them.

[@Ziergon]

@@xxoxEMxoxx I believe the ego in the comment you replied to is the parents', not the uncle's. Not "the uncle is taking care of them to feed his ego" but "the parent is upset because the uncle helping is damaging the parent's ego."

[@AlibifortheAfterlife]

@@Ziergon100%. Dad’s just pissed he can’t spoil his blood kids the way OP’s family is spoiling them.

[@abiean222]

considering how he always took the money the uncles gave to the girls and slit it evenly among all the kids, its that the uncles won't "be fair" and pay for his kid's collage too. idk, maybe its an "all or nothing" deal for him.

[@FireFox-co2zy]

The second story pissed me off, she’s trying to paint herself as a victim when she’s the abuser. Her daughters are the true victims and I hope they go no contact. The mom can choke on her husband for all I care

[@teslagod7221]

i think that mom really loves getting choked by her new husband's stuff,since she chose to say goodbye to her own kids and instead stayed with that ahole...

[@danacarter9147]

Same here. She'll be greeted by Queen Karma, when she finds out she wasn't invited to her daughter's high school/college graduations, weddings, or baby showers, nor, did they ever let her see her grandchildren.⚠️

[@claragreenfield6317]

Naaaaw. The part of the first story, whith OP not being able to understand, that her dad died, thinking she did something wrong, had me in tears! Just imagening a 7 and 5 year old not understanding, waiting for dad to come home. And then the wholesome uncles being there for the girls! I cannot 😭

[@kenziebee33]

"I married a wonderful man" Are you sure?

[@aliecarey]

As a mother I'd say leaving a 20 month old alone in a crib for an hour or more without a diaper change or contact is VERY WRONG! 9AM? That mom needs to get some help.

[@richardgrayson5156]

There was added information that was left out of this video. Mom had serious health problems that OP was neglecting and refused to get her help for.

[@NEPAAlchey]

@@richardgrayson5156 Define serious health issues, friend. Feeling blue doesn't mean you get to neglect a child.

[@--julian_]

@@richardgrayson5156 then don't have children. they don't deserve to suffer

[@klaspeppar5619]

Yeah, I agree… (I’m a guy in my early 20s). I personally think that is unacceptable.

[@ellie8461]

@@NEPAAlchey PPD for one. Then again, it’s really not your business to have an opinion a stranger’s health issues.

[@9elypses]

7:58 couldn't agree more. Thankfully I didn't lose him till I was 26 but there's nothing quite like the soul draining ache of losing a parent you loved with all your heart. It doesn't matter how much they receive there's a big piece missing in their lives and it will never fill again. They deserve the whole world.

[@JosieJOK]

I lost my mother at 9, my sister was 7. It’s been over 40 years and I still miss her. This despite the fact that my dad was great, that he waited to remarry until I was in college (and my sister was about to go to college), to a wonderful woman with whom we’re very close. There’s always a hole there that can’t be filled, no matter how much love goes into it.

[@9elypses]

@@JosieJOK I hope you feel this big warm virtual hug im sending you. You deserve the world too 💜

[@JosieJOK]

@@9elypses Aw! So sweet of you! ☺️ Thanks! My dad’s gone, too, now, but I was in my 40s when he left us. There’s less of a sense of things missed with him, because we learned to relate to each other as adults. With my mom, it was always “I wonder what she’d think about” whatever milestone I was reaching. Such is life-at least my stepmom is hanging in!

[@RhamanaChan]

I lost my dad at 27 to a short (less than a month) cancer diagnosis. That was 10 years ago, I'm 38 now and still will sob uncontrollably when I think about him for more than a few minutes. I lost my mum 2 years after him, theres a very large piece of my heart missing now, but at least I was an adult when they passed and I didn't have to endure anything like these two kids. Their uncles are kings and those kids deserve everything and more, so much more.

[@brittanyo5467]

Exactly.

[@originalv5107]

Story 2, (technically 3) flip the genders and tell me you’d have the same reaction. A mom is going to work 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, while the dad is staying at home with the baby. He’s still sleeping while the baby is awake and wanting to be fed/changed/ for an hour or two. Would anyone be calling the mom controlling for calling home to the dad and telling him he needs to get the child up and out of the crib before making breakfast? No, everyone would be shitting on the dad for being a terrible parent while his wife is having to “pull double duty” by going to work AND checking in at home and playing parent by talking the dad through how to raise the child.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

👏 I'm a stay at home mom and that story infuriates me, if she's gonna neglect her kid she might as well go to work, then the dad wouldn't have to work do hard and he could spend more time with the kid

[@Star_Joker]

I love this comment, because I hate the double standards of gender. You're absolutely right.

[@MaresBarres]

In that situation ESH because the dad would practically be a single parent while being told what to do by a wife who doesn’t at least relieve him once she comes home from a 9-5. The thing that pushes the judgement slightly towards YTA is that women are more likely to get PPD, and to put a spouse suffering through that with the burden of a single parent is negligent of the emotional duties as a spouse and parent. Whatever gender in that situation should lessen their working hours (Obviously not everyone can right away) so they can be someone who isn’t just a roommate and financial donor.

[@BritaMooreKutz]

Yeah, a lot of people would react that way if the genders were swapped, but a lot of people wouldn't. I am a woman without kids, but I admit I'd probably be really angry at the dad at first if it was flipped. But I think I'd have the sense to not post a comment without thinking it through. We all have ingrained biases but we can overcome them if we step back, take deep breaths, and look at a given situation for what it is. Plus with pretty much everything posted in AITA, we lack so much context that many times it's not clear what's really going on, which in itself makes extreme judgment unwarranted. And for the record, I think the wife is the AH in the last story but it's probably a fixable issue. Would be true if genders were swapped too.

[@rachealborders]

And there are updates to the story that she has a deficiency that makes her tired that she doesn't bother taking the medication for. Our children should not bear the consequences of our choices about our physical and mental help. OP is NTA. The wife is the AH for choosing to not care for her health and neglecting her baby. I'm a SAHM as well with depression and anxiety and this story makes me mad.

[@justicedunham4088]

For the last story, if it’s true that the child sleeps for 12 hours, what is the mom doing? That’s 8 hours of sleep and 4 hours of free time. That’s A LOT of time and shouldn’t be a deal to get up with the kid. Especially if she goes to bed as soon as the kid goes to sleep and has her free time in the morning.

[@treco2583]

They have the BEST uncles ever!!! I can’t imagine how horrible their lives would be without them.

[@TJDious]

I feel so bad for the brothers and kids who lost their brother/dad, but the story of how the uncles are honoring their brother by caring for his kids is so heartwarming.

[@danacarter9147]

Same here.

[@kitdoesstuff_official]

Oh I love it when AITA stories get two sides to the story! I remember when that happened on r/relationshipadvice

[@samualhicks7094]

Yeah! I remember the same thing happened a while back. When a girl was a bully to her cousin and the dad did nothing. Then the other side posted. I'm trying to find those videos, because I like that story lol

[@kitdoesstuff_official]

@@samualhicks7094 honestly so am I! I remember I found it once on Spotify and screenshoting the names but I can't find them.. if I find it I'll def tell you!

[@samualhicks7094]

@@kitdoesstuff_official I'll come back and tell you if I manage to find it first!

[@kitdoesstuff_official]

@@samualhicks7094 if I manage to find it, I'll put it in a playlist!

[@EnchantingWings1]

I remember that happened in an r/relationships video, where wife and husband talked about their sides of the fight they had. It was clear from both sides that the guy was the issue.

[@TetraSky]

First story : Mom did her bed and took the side of Bob. She can keep crying if she doesn't realize his toxicity.

[@jackmanleblanc2518]

In the story with the husband calling the wife, I can't help but to think that if the roles were reversed and the husband was sleeping in for an extra hour or getting an hour of video game time in the morning or something that rSlash would have a very different tone. It's just the way he tends to be.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

Here's the exact moment you know the mom is the bad guy: 6:10 "I disagree". She disagrees that it's good for her daughters to have opportunities such as horseback riding and playing piano. How, pray tell, do you disagree that these are good things for your children? Awful woman.

[@CandaceDreamer]

When rslash was talking about his little girl wanting her mom in the night over him because she’s with her mom more reminded me of daddy daycare when the son has a dream and calls for his parents and the mom naturally gets up and the dad’s like ‘mommy’s coming’ then the kid says ‘I want daddy’. It makes since now because he was getting used to his dad being around more and has started to build that trust and bound.

[@truthseeker9249]

I remember that. I love that movie and the messages it sends about dad's not being second-class parents.

[@radhiadeedou8286]

If only every kid who lost a parent had uncles and aunts like these two

[@arrohart8321]

In the kid story, you forgot that OP is the one that puts the baby to bed. Not the mom.

[@rickhernandez7666]

So I am understanding that OP takes over at latest 7:30, meaning his wife has some free time (away from the baby) starting then. Although I get that she probably needs her sleep and more than 8 hours of it, and she's probably catching up on cleaning, because you just can't clean with a toddler around, still I think she needs to be up with the kid or something is going to happen when his developing skills get ahead of his common sense.

[@1nn1tmate]

@@rickhernandez7666 by the way it's told that the husband does the cleaning and everything after he comes back

[@rickhernandez7666]

@@1nn1tmate which means she has even more free time. Definitely something wrong with her.

[@tega8404]

I love to hear rslash go full dad mode when he hears stories about crappy parents

[@leshpar]

second story: I have a very similar experience. I'm a 38 year old woman. Both of my parents were emotionally abusive as I grew up. I was born a male, though I am female and have taken steps to correct this error of birth. Before I even came out as trans, I found a wonderful man and married him. Because this was a "same sex" relationship I never even told my mom until after my dad died. Even though I moved out of their place as soon as I could at 19, I still was afraid of them and what they thought. My mom pretended to be accepting of my life situation, but she never really was. She ended up falling in love with someone 3 years younger than me and they got married. This new guy was even worse towards me than my dad was. Making inappropriate sexual comments around me, refusing to accept rides from me, and talking down to me at every opportunity. It got so bad I eventually had to block both of them on facebook and even his phone number. My mother always defended him everytime I would provide proof of what was going on. Then a rich uncle died and I ended up getting a decent sized check for inheritance. I wasn't officially in the will, but the money was distributed to more people than what was in the will due to the amount spread. My husband and I used it to move across the USA to where we wanted to be, so I could be with his family. We've never looked back and this has been the second best thing to ever happen to me. Eventually my mother contacted my mother in law and tried to separate my husband and I. That was the last straw for me, so I talked with my husband and then went no contact with my mom and her new husband. This all happened before I even came out as trans (which, btw, transitioning has been the absolute best thing to ever happen in my life.). I may be her daughter, but she will never find that out. It absolutely disgusts me when parents do things like this to their own kids. Like, what do you expect to happen? If you piss off your kids they will leave you! Its the only way to stay sane in this world. I will not give up my life because my mother doesn't approve. My life is none of her business and I guarantee the daughters in this story think the same way even if they don't yet realize it.

[@squeaktheswan2007]

You sound like you have been through a lot. Keep being brave.

[@TheSaxAppeal]

Good on you for that. The only reason I kept any contact with my own father is because I had to per the judge's custody order. My only regret was not cutting contact the moment I turned 18, but at the very least I get to experience early adulthood without his poison weighing me down. Next month is 6 years since the last time I spoke to him and I don't plan to any time soon.

[@tychul]

Hold on- I had to pause the second story about the 20 month old son. He sleeps 12 hours in his own bed and you WAIT to go get him for an HOUR or more?! Girl huh??? My 20 month olds diaper is FULL by that time and usually she’s already worked on her morning poop. Making that poor baby sit alone in the dark with a full diaper- that makes me so mad. Oh my god. 😡😡

[@voutsider190]

I've heard the second story before. Interesting hearing the pov of the daughters. Step dad is definitely an arrogant, controlling ah

[@cathylanders6377]

That's true

[@jamespitrolo3371]

That last story irks me. An hour is long enough for a child to receive severe diaper rash. The reason he thinks the child doesn't make noise is probably because by the time he sees it the child gave up screaming for his mom. She is literally ignoring her child and everyone thinks it's OK. I would love nothing more than to be able to sleep in while my child wakes up. Unfortunately I have to be a good parent and actually take care of my child. He's not the butt hole and she's being neglectful. This upsets me in so many ways

[@gaxalee7392]

Not to mention, kids that can stand and climb can fall out their cribs head first. If they’re awake and alert, take them out the crib before they hurt themselves.

[@AlGoYoSu]

Exactly. Sounds like the wife is neglecting their child. If she is depressed and can't get out of bed she needs to get checked out. They have a nanny cam but how about an audio monitor? That must be the most patient 20 month old. They are literally awake for two hours, stuck in a crib, with a dirty diaper, and still not waking up the neighborhood with cries for attention? If this was posted from the child's POV the wife would be getting major b-hole scores.

[@PerpetuallyAnnoyed]

You said everything that I was thinking while listening to this story. When my son was that age and awake in his crib, I didn't wait until after breakfast to get to him, if he was awake already and needed his mom, I was already there!

[@khaotictrash]

Exactly, and what’s the problem with him calling while he’s away? He misses his family and he’s trying to be involved in their lives even if he’s not physically there. Why is she so mad that he’s trying to engage with her and their kid?

[@fridafagerstrom3114]

@@AlGoYoSu some kids that young and younger stop screaming if no one attends to them when they scream. They learn that even if they scream nothing will happen so they stop screaming all together. I don’t know if that applies to this story just thought of it when this story was read

[@thehufflepuffcherri3958]

I heard the mother's pov from another channel and recognized the story when the first op mentioned the uncles.... oh my goodness NTA, the mother is horrible for not stopping Bob. An observer is just as bad as an abuser

[@trish7048]

It's kinda cool hearing a judgement about the last story from a parent. I'm not a parent (nor will I ever be), so I have no idea how babies work. I figured leaving the baby alone for that long in the crib was neglectful, but now I can get new perspective. This is great, thanks for your POV, Rslash!

[@mitchverr9330]

Story 1: "spend time with family", OP is, her uncles are her family, way more than mom has been in that situation. Cracking good pair of uncles those 2 have, sorry they lost their dad, but at least those 2 are there.

[@novabrilliant4510]

Wondering about the Mom with the sleep issues. She probably should have a physical to make sure everything is okay. PPD is a possibility, but it's best to be certain that there isn't a physical reason (low iron for one) beyond just being an exhausted mom.

[@TheSaxAppeal]

Yeah i think even a chronically exhausted parent would still be waking up just fine for their kids' morning routine - plenty of them do, every day of the week. There's definitely something medical going on here I think

[@thomasjones6216]

The Stepdad seems to be missing a key point here - IF the uncles' are paying for the daughters' colleges Doesn't that mean he has to pay less overall; its taking a financial burden off him...? Isn't that a good thing? EDIT: re story 2: silly RSLASH you should know by now people never take it easy on Internet comment sections

[@dracko158]

The stepdad is a narcissist that wants their stepkids to suffer, for....what apparently? For no reason? Shouldn't he be glad that he doesn't need to pay since he doesn't make much? I don't understand what the hell is his logic here.

[@BDM276]

Makes sense but from Bob's point of view he now has to go from paying for zero kids to paying to put 2 kids through college. Remember he was about to tell all the kids they'd have to get loans? He wasn't going to spend a dime on his kids education and is now confronted with the fact that he will look like a loser because his step kids will get an all expenses paid college education and he can't or won't do the same for his own kids.

[@mostar1219]

I think hes more concerned about it making him less of a man

[@TJDious]

Everyone keeps saying the uncles are saving Bob money. Lol no. Bob isn't going to pay a damn cent for his own kids OR stepkids to go to school.

[@wingracer1614]

He wasn't going to be paying ANYTHING. They were ALL going to have to get student loans. So in his mind. now his step kids are getting a free ride while his real kids are going to suffer. Basically, he's just being a jealous little bitch.

[@starlightdash4285]

Is it really worth messing up your own children’s relationship with you for a partner??? Like seriously; the fact that OP (The Mother) literally sacrificed her relationship with the 2 kids just shows that she cares more about her own happiness instead of her children’s.

[@mompernl]

You should not be upset that three kids need to take out loans; you should be thrilled that two kids don’t have to.

[@somaplay]

MAn Im sooo happy YOu covered the calling husband story. I was sooo upset everyone said he is the butthole, and I was raging and obviously the wife is neglecting their kid, so she is the butthole. Im gald to see your point of view.

[@masantahelperkiller7797]

In the last story OP is NTA. The mom is being pretty neglectful by letting her child be awake for anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour by himself. No grown adult needs 12 hours of sleep, and we aren't given context on whether or not the wife has post partum or if she has some kind of sleeping disorder. If she does, then she should go in to see a doctor to get some help. The wife needs to adjust her schedule so she wakes up before the baby, or at the same time as the baby. Heck, let's say she adjusted her schedule so she went to bed at 10pm. She would still get a full 11hrs of sleep, plus an hour to herself. I also don't know what the full night time routine looks like, like if it's the husband who takes care of the baby when he gets home or if it's both of them, but that can also maybe be when the wife gets some downtime too maybe for an hour after dinner or something. There's countless ways that they can adjust their schedules to have so both get a little downtime. If OP leaves for work pretty early, like I think he does, at the latest he'd be home anywhere from 5 to 8pm. It sounds like he's home before 9 though, since it sounds like they put him to sleep around that time. They can both get a little downtime together before bed maybe to relax and whatever they want to do before going to bed. I know being a SAHM can be difficult, and that's likely why OP was given TA rating originally, but there is no excuse for a child being neglected. If the wife is struggling with things she needs to speak up or get checked out by doctor if it's severe depression or sleeping issues. That way she can be taken care of and so can the baby.

[@Edwin_wiskers]

Hey just thought I'd let you know around 12:00 min in, r/slash reads the evening routin and it says that he plays, cleans up toys and put the kid to be. U said you disn't know the routin in the evening so I thought this might help.

[@scourgedarkpaw9949]

I agree

[@noinfo4789]

In the comments of the original post it was confirmed that she did not have post partum depression or a sleep disorder.

[@scourgedarkpaw9949]

@@noinfo4789 so someone lied?

[@narwhallbean]

yeah i find it moronic that someone even with post partum needs 12 hours of sleep like why are you sleeping for half the fucking 24 hours in a day even if its medical like u said GO TO A DOCTOR like if you leave a kid alone in the same diaper for that long thats neglect plain as day

[@janeweller]

I think that dad from the last story should do some intense checking on his kid and what his wife is doing. If you have a kid, the kid should be a number one priority, especially when they are so small. The kid sleeps through the whole night, twelve hours! Isn't that enough for his wife to get enough sleep to wake up around the same time as her kid and even a little earlier to be prepared when the child awakes? My mom was raising me and my brother on her own while having a lot of work to do throughout a whole day, especially through the first 5-6 years of our lives. She was always up before us, having food for us, etc. The wife from the last story is thinking only about herself and she's neglecting her own child's needs. A big butthole score for her. I hope the OP will get this solved before her lack of care will cause harm to the child.

[@DeidresStuff]

I have an extremely difficult time waking up for various health reasons. I'm fine with my husband calling me so I'm not late for everything, but if he lectured me for taking a child into the bathroom with me, that camera would be where the sun doesn't shine.

[@danacarter9147]

Same here, because that poor kid WILL wind up in in foster home, because of the mother's lack of care.

[@kels7033]

​@@DeidresStuff no he said to take the kid to the kitchen with her after using the bathroom. not to take him to the bathroom

[@michellestella7477]

The uncles in story 1 and 2 are absolute legends!! 💯

[@jjr9792]

Op ITA for calling Bob a "good man", and he should be F***ing grateful for the Uncles' generosity. Now Bob and Op only have 3 kids to support in college instead of 5. Just because the funds it aren't being distributed "equally", the way Bob wants, doesn't mean it won't positively impact the entire household; ie: Now, only Ryan needs help imminently, and thanks to the uncles, Bob and Op can focus on him exclusively.

[@starquaked]

2nd story: lol ppl say he’s the butthole fr? You rly shouldn’t leave your baby to sit alone in their dirty diaper for hours every morning because you want extra sleep. If she’s already awake what’s the problem with bringing the baby in the kitchen with her? Spoiled imo because I’m sure if she lived in a poor country she’d have to be up at the crack of dawn walking to get water. Those women get cut no slack. We are lucky if our biggest complaint is a lack of sleep from having a healthy and happy baby in our lives.

[@merissadelossantos]

Yo, his intro got me so excited!! Thank you Dabney for your hard work in getting these out to us EVERYDAY! You’re out here doing the Lord’s work!

[@ItBePatYo]

He has been for literal years. Granted, he's had some bad takes here and there, but on whole, he's been pretty good and he's uploaded consistently every. Single. Day. For YEARS. If I were him, I'd be burned out.

[@merissadelossantos]

@@ItBePatYo I think he truly enjoys what he does 🥰

[@ItBePatYo]

@@merissadelossantos Which I'm glad for. I watch him nearly every day and the days that I don't, I watch on another day. He is literally the ONLY KZbinr I watch everyday. Well, I also watch every video of Dr. Glaucomflecken, but I don't think the good Doctor posts every day.

[@The1Fau]

Last story has a whole edit (update) at the end of the post impossible to miss so idk why it's not included in the video. The wife has postpartum depression, low vitamin B-12, chronic fatigue, and a bad sleep schedule. OP goes into more details on the problems. They had a talk and the wife saw the post, they agreed to disagree, I think. Then OP goes on about how great his wife is and not a bad mother.

[@Riehentar]

first story: it infruriates me to no end how mothers could marry men who are clearly toxic and then calling them 'wonderful'. my mother did that and he was so abusive that I developed CPTSD and almost unalived myself multiple times. He was an a**

[@danacarter9147]

I'm so sorry that happened to you.😔

[@Outnumberedbykidsandcats]

The dad isn’t being meddlesome throughout the day. He’s calling because the baby is awake for 2 hours each morning being left all alone because his mum isn’t waking up. That’s actually neglectful if it’s every day which he says it is. My fourth kid was the worst ever and until he was about 5 he used to get up at 4/4:30am. Was I knackered? Yes!! But leaving a child alone when it’s been awake for two hours every single day is not acceptable,

[@desireeloveros1055]

Even if it's "not fair" it's actually really good if uncles are paying that means you can focus on your other kids education

[@auberginebear]

Story 1: NTA; the financial abuse from the step father is the red flag the mother ignores, showing a form of neglect that just makes this all worse. Story 2: YTA; it took an act beyond the scope of anything else that's clearly been happening for the mother to finally stand up against her husband, but she still doesn't see exactly how her husband has been abusive and how she's added to it all these years.

[@TJDious]

I honestly feel like mom is painting herself in a better light than she deserves.

[@auberginebear]

@@TJDious oh definitely, but it feels like she might have, at least after the fact, realized her husband is wrong and even abusive, at least to her 2 girls.

[@xXSPADEGG]

Story 2: The mother is being massively neglectful with her child, that's actual abuse. The OP is trying to take an active role in his homelife wile working 70 hours a week, he takes care of the child from the moment he gets home and even puts his son to bed. The mother stays up until 4 am on her phone, she doesn't set morning alarms and she doesn't even bother checking in on her child until after she makes breakfast(all of this confirmed in the comments of the OP). The kid is awake an hour before she wakes up and if you factor in her using the washroom and making breakfast every morning that's at least an hour and a half or more that the kid is alone in the DARK awake by himself. Get out of here with your weak ass take I hope you never have kids.

[@auberginebear]

@@xXSPADEGG that's the 3rd story you're talking about, the actual 2nd story is technically the mother of the 1st story.

[@danajohnson6273]

Thank you. I thought you were going to say mom wasn’t the butthole and then YOU were gonna get a butthole score from me. You’re absolutely right! She’s allowing this man to tell at her children and cause them to leave! I’d make him leave before I’d let them go.

[@jendjoyce]

This reminds me of a coworker. He has cameras all over his house and outside. He watches his girlfriend and their dog for hours while working. Face always watching the live feed. How do I know this? He tells me. The MO creeps me out. The first time was his first day. It was windy and snowy here in NY. He watched the phone then bust out laughing. "What?" I asked. "My dog is pooping and the wind just knocked him over. Now my girlfriend is trying to get poop off him."

[@SkunkApe407]

I'm usually the first dude to dump one rSlash, but his assessment of the sleepy mom/working dad story is spot on. The dad just wants to be involved and help but has to work. The mom is beat like a rented mule. They both need to take some time to talk and probably go on a short, baby-free weekend vacation. They both sound like good parents, and rSlash hit the nail on the head.

[@dungeonsanddragonshomebrew3165]

Except she’s a SAHM Her only job is taking care of the baby and household Both of them have exhausting jobs but she’s the one neglecting a baby for her own sleep Cause guess what having kids means sacrifices otherwise don’t have em

[@SkunkApe407]

@@dungeonsanddragonshomebrew3165 I have four kids, that I've raised to adulthood. I know all about sacrifices. I also know all about post-partum depression, too. I think it's cute, though, that a D&D playing neckbeard wants to talk about having kids.

[@luvondarox]

Honestly, it sounds like Baby Cam Dad needs to be the stay at home parent.

[@sailorstar3148]

I feel like they need a babysitter

[@NovaDragon]

Last Story: The fact that the mom ignores the kid to go to the kitchen rather than taking them to the kitchen and making sure there changed and hydrated first means there being neglectful, rSlash you are a father how the fuck do you miss this, you know as well as I do that if a kid is left unattended in a room for any leanth of time they could do serious harm to themselves even from in a crib. Plus if the kid sleeps for 12h then what the hell do they do in them hours to sleep in? Either the wife is a butthole and neglectful or there is a medical issue going on and needs to be checked out, in both cases THE KID IS IN DANGER.

[@GuardianMinerva]

This! Thank you! What mom is doing is really concerning.

[@aliecarey]

Yes! Yes!

[@shortie0414]

In the comments of the post he says that the wife has a chronic pain disorder and narcolepsy. He left that out of the story. That guy is controlling.

[@1nn1tmate]

@@shortie0414 controlling 💀 for wanting to take good care of his son?

[@phnerfable]

@@shortie0414 not an excuse. Maybe she shouldn’t have had a kid then if it’s such a problem that she’s going to be lazy and neglectful.

[@Love2Banime]

Reminds me of another post of both sides of OP and his dad's posts. OP banned his siblings from touching any of his stuff after one of them broke his PS5 controller and the dad tried to paint himself as a "good parent" by forcing OP to share his stuff with his siblings. Everyone sided with OP. Edit: found the story. They're his step-siblings. Also to add, OP's dad forced him to share the PS5 becuase the step-siblings threw a tantrum. So OP sold the PS5 instead. If he can't play it, no one can.

[@joaolima7131]

I remember that story, even stepmother was on OP side, at the end she divorced him and he went to reddit to complain one last time. Good old karma

[@Love2Banime]

@@joaolima7131 oh yeah! It's surprising that the stepmom sided with OP also. I believe she dodged a bullet before things escalated.

[@akl2k7]

@@Love2Banime Gotta love it when a neglectful parent's attempts at sucking up to their replacement family backfires spectacularly.

[@EricJacobson1990]

The dude in the last story sounds like a micromanager

[@becca-lr6er]

And, like, the baby isn't crying.... If he NEEDED something, he would cry, right???

[@Nekulturny]

2nd Story... "Bob" from that update has some real nerve 5 out of 5 for him from story 1 and story 2. Really? You had the audacity to call your stepdaughter's uncle and tell him "to stay out of our lives". If my nephew's stepfather called me and told me that, I would tell him "why don't you take your own advice, I'm his blood relative, YOU... AREN'T, you're not his father, you're just the guy sleeping with his mother.".

[@SyiedaSound]

Coming from someone who also lost a parent at a young age...I've heard almost no mention of this or understanding from the mother's point of view that the girls have had to greive the loss of their dad all these years...I love the point you made about how the girls are growing up WITHOUT their father and honestly the uncles are just giving them what their dad would have. The step Dad gives off MAJOR insecure vibes about how it's "not fair" to his kids...Well bro- you're more than alive and healthy. If YOU wanna give your kids all those things then maybe YOU should go out and work for it since YOU are still alive and well.... UGH

[@carterdreibelbis6768]

Those uncles in the 1st and 2nd story are the real mvp

[@guillaumekarldausen6603]

This is the best rSlash I've ever seen. If I'm not mistaken this is the first ever where we hear the stories of both sides. Most of the times, I think, the stories being read are people asking for validation about their actions/behaviors onto the situation they are in to.

[@aliciaalvarez1515]

3rd story: The husband is NOT THE BUTT HOLE. All you people saying he's controlling or micromanaging know damn well if the tables were turned and she was the one working and he was home taking care of the baby and doing what she is doing, sleeping in, taking his time to go take the baby out of his crib, have and feed him EVERYONE would be saying he is a dead beat/irresponsible parent. Just because it the mother doing it, don't justify it! The mother, regardless of her everything needs to do better and be held to the same standard as the father would be. If that means getting help mentally or physically then do it. But don't poop on the husband because he wants his wife to be more on top of their sons morning beeds/routine

[@nicholassanabria6493]

I got to give a lot of props to the uncle he took over the role as a father to his nieces and having an uncle like that is a blessing I quite insist that they stay at their uncles house because the stepfather is definitely stepping out of line even though he is married to there mother it sadly doesn’t entitle him to there money or anything for that matter since he’s not there father he’s there stepfather. Also most people don’t real have a relationship with their stepfather when there in high school or college if mothers remarries during that time from what people have told me

[@brianrip2873]

last story.. so what happens in a few months when the kid can get out of the crib and the mom is still asleep hours after the kid has been wandering around the house alone???

[@breezy3392]

Story 1: The parents are mad that two full tuitions are taken care of, taking that burden off their hands. Seriously? Count you f*ing blessings! In the mom's account, it doesn't really sound like the girls are being spoiled. It sounds like they are being allowed to explore hobbies and interests, which is good and healthy for then. The mother never described them actually displaying any spoiled brat behaviour. The uncles are golden! The step-dad is abusive. The mom is an enabler of abuse, which makes her the a-hole.

[@QueenEevee1994]

💯 agree!

[@meganbutton4320]

The crib caller... nta! If her job is to be a SAHM then she needs to be one! The baby shouldn't be sitting awake for that long in a dirty diaper or without food. 10am? When quiet time starts at 8pm is nuts. She's taking advantage of the situation and it doesn't sound like she really wants to be a mom. Smh

[@yourcopiumdealer3399]

Hey Rslash, you just reminded me of something my dad would do when my siblings or me would have nightmares or cry at night: If being comforted by my mom didn't calm us down or if she wouldn't come back to bed to him after a certain amount of time, he would join us and make sure everything is okay. There is no reason for you not to join when your child is crying, it's quite the opposite. I can't say what impact it will have on your child, but that behavoir played a role in me knowing unconsciously that when problems seemed too hard to solve on my own and I knew my mom couldn't help either, my dad was a safety net. Hope that helps

[@lekiscool]

We stan wholesome uncles. ❤

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

First Story, NTA: Bob is a control freak. I find it very weird and concerning that if either OP or OP's sister ever be late for dinner with this strict schedule, they just don’t eat for the day??? Also, OP and her sister ARE spending Christmas with family, just not with mom and Bob. Speaking of Mom, does she just let Bob do whatever he wants to her kids?! And Bob is not entitled to take the money OP and they're sis get from their uncle and split it with his kids Second Story, NTA for this post but YTA in other aspects: Well I was wrong about the mom in the first story. The obvious issue is OP's husband (Bob). This man constantly preaches fairness but here is the thing: life isn’t fair. The uncles aren’t obligated to show any of the same treatement to the other kids, beisdes Bob's kids still have a dad while OP's daughters lost their dad. Ok, honestly this got complicated. Ok, so OP is NTA for what she asked in the post; however, OP is TA for pretty much just letting her husband do all of this and done nothing to stop it. Bob clearly envys the Uncle's wealth and ability to provide for their nieces. I feel like OP is too passive in situations like this. She shouldn’t be with this toxic man but I doubt she will leave him Third Story, small YTA: I have to disagree with rSlash here. Calling someone everyday to parent the parent is not the way to go; especially considering how exhausting child care is. That being said, some of those comments are being overdramatic

[@samualhicks7094]

The mom seems like she is more the absent parent. After the uncles started being there she stopped. And then got remarried to a man who was a really shitty person.

[@xKCAZxLEADER]

@@samualhicks7094yeah and now things got more complicated with the second story being from the mom

[@TheWeakMinded]

The 3rd story... maybe if the mom was actually being a mom

[@dracko158]

Story 2: Like what rSlash said, the mom is purposely leaving out crucial details to paint herself in a good light. Like, getting mad WITH Bob when Stacy(the other OP) announces the college good news, and NEVER mentioned that she called them to spend Christmas with them. Bob is TA for sure, but the OP mom is also TA here for letting it happen, and leaving out details.

[@GiordanDiodato]

maybe the mom in third story should actually be a mom

[@Queenxily]

RSlash uploading every day at 9 am is so good for my morning routine so I can have something to listen to while my brain wakes up and starts to process Living. And also, Words Making Sentences. So thanks RSlash

[@charlotteice5704]

Those two uncles are amazing for doing this for OP and her sister. They're grieving themselves, but they still chose to put others before them and care for the two girls, even though it's nothing that was really expected of them.

[@SailorMya]

We see it all the time on reddit where they omit a good chunk of the story that makes them look bad so they can get that NTA score... This is just to make them feel better about their crappy behavior... "He is a wonderful man!!!" maybe to YOU but to your two kids he is an AH who starves them past 7, steals their money to make things "even", and screamed at them for the fact that their collage is payed! Doesn't sound so wonderful to me! If this was a scholarship I'm pretty sure he would still had an issue with it because "its not fair MY kids don't have that privilege!"! Honestly, his reaction is super poor and instead of seeing this as a good thing where he can now focus on helping his son without worrying about OOP, his brain instantly jumps to "lets split it so I don't have to help out at all!"!