r/AmiTheA**Hole For Not Joining In And Doing 'Dry January' When Being Pressured By Family?

[@virtualatheist]

I took it that OP didn't accuse them of alcoholism, rather he accused them of virtue signalling.

[@SherriLyle80s]

First story: NTA. Dont peer pressure, you wont get lashed out at. "No," is a complete sentence. So is, "F- off." 😂

[@tgbedini]

Yeah, all the negatives about OP are how he responded to being badgered. If they had dropped it when he said, "no, not interested," then he never would have said those things.

[@cheyannatillman3826]

The story about the fur coat everyone in the Commons is ignoring the fact that the mom is the one that prompted her son to go get the dog from op, so the family isn't completely blameless in the abuse

[@Ann_Wall-Chiasson]

As someone who was raised Catholic, you DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, baptize someone else's kid without the consent of both parents. That story made me irrationally angry.

[@Gabitronia]

I wouldn't say it made you irrationally angry. I understand why it made you angry. I may not be religious, but I understand where you're coming from. That's disrespectful to the religion, and to those who practice it without ignorance.

[@catwithevilintentions2632]

@@savannahredding3849 huh-

[@lunastar7599]

My mom's parents took my little sister ,secretly , with my mom to get baptized. My dad was mad.

[@francit4856]

If the Priest knew there was not parental permission, they wouldn't have done it. Or, if they did so knowing they had no permission, they would be subject to discipline by the Bishop, penance and possibly a transfer

[@stephjovi]

In my catholic country it would mean dooming the kid to pay church tax when trhx start working if they don't get out quick enough they sue you for it. Never force anyone's kid to join the pedos

[@johnsmalls6936]

I don't drink but if someone told me i couldn't drink for a month i would definitely drink

[@murderouskitten2577]

it is with most people. They might hate the thing , but the moment you say it is forbiden to do that thing , they will do it out of spite.

[@gojewla]

Nice!

[@damien678]

ME TF too

[@teresayates8274]

My family always did this stupid no meat on Friday thing, I'm not a fish fan, and giving up something important to you for Catholic lent. It's pointless and I never followed it. These monthly challenges are also pointless. If your an alcoholic your not going to followed it through, and if your not an alcoholic what's the point? I guess directionless people have to always follow something for bragging rights or to harass and feel superior. Plus I never heard of dry January, is this another California idiot thing?

[@littleflame5530]

I don't drink either. And I have had people asking if I'm going to go dry for x days. When I say I don't drink they have laughed and said I was in denial. Like I don't go to bars. I don't have large amounts of liquor or beer in my home. I do have Rum for cooking and wine for cooking. But those that suggested I drink but lie about have never been to my home. Their assumptions are based on the fact that I enjoy hosting dinner parties for my family and friends. I guess since I serve cocktails to my family or friends I must drink too. I don't like the feeling of being buzzed.

[@chloecook4511]

The woman who said that the reason the other woman lost her husband and child was because she didn't have Jesus in her life: I wouldn't have lost my marbles; she would have lost some teeth.

[@virtualatheist]

I too would have lost my marbles... And she would lose her teeth.

[@ladyv5655]

I am a religious person and that horrible, judgemental witch B would not only have lost her teeth but would have been in the hospital for a couple of weeks.

[@cyndyghost784]

Dentures would have been necessary.. And the need for intensive care and the year of physical therapy to remember who Jesus and God were

[@ShanaLawson]

I would have sent her to met her lord and savior 😂

[@CaroleHarrison-r9m]

This!

[@jdd9993]

Fur Coat Story: OP's ex and family were responsible for her losing her DOG! All bets were off after they did that. The coat is not such an issue.

[@brittneybrat8911]

Exactly at this point I would've been mad that she didn't do it.

[@cnow82]

Right?! And it was given to her because no one wanted it. If it actually had sentimental value, it would have stayed in the family. Once it was given to her, it was hers. Lot of self important douche nozzles in the comments. Way to have people stigmatize abuse victims even more 🙄.

[@aikikaname6508]

Yeah since it seemed that whole family as well as ex enabled that abuse she owes them nothing

[@TheLikenessOfNormal]

@@aikikaname6508 Imagine if she was actually an abusive dog owner and their POV is trying to get the dog away from a horrific abuser.

[@alexius23]

The breast pumping: a relatively short term thing. The boss approved & the smoker has no right to comment

[@janet6421]

@@Vallyrah Breastmilk has health benefits for the baby. Smoking is detrimental to the health of anyone who inhales near that. Which one is disgusting? Who should we accommodate?

[@aliquot8404]

@Janet I suffer from acute nausea at the smell of cigarette smoke. I hold my nose and breath in a very marked manner and expell my breath audibly once safely past the ass-hats who hover too close to the entrances of buildings. If they are obnoxious about it, I tell them I will gladly come back and demonstrate projectile vomiting on their person. They back off. I have never actually managed to spew directly onto the person of one of these offending nicotine-addict ass-hats. I have, however, twice tossed my cookies damn near their feet. They fled.

[@damien678]

His comments that her pumping was "gross" and "you're probably enjoying yourself" are absolutely coming from the idea that a woman's chest is something sexual. He was sexually harassing her and trying to paint it as him being victimised for how he was viewing her breasts as something sexual. Insane levels of misogyny all round

[@alexius23]

@@damien678 veritas

[@alexius23]

@@damien678 It is true some women can can enjoy nursing but a greater number just see it as a needed thing for the health of the Baby. Some women find it an unpleasant experience.

[@alexlibby1095]

It’s sad how much misunderstanding and judgement goes onto women involved in violent situations. I understand not everyone has been there; but when your in a violent relationship it’s becomes all encompassing and terrifying, and they will stalk you and try to continue to get access to you. And no it’s not as easy as “call the cops and get a restraining order” - cops can’t or don’t always help, and getting a restraining order approved by a judge is ALOT more difficult than many people realize let alone actually getting it enforced and receiving protection. Some, like myself, have to completely uproot their lives, start news jobs get a new address and phone # and potentially cut contact w/ their old companions for protection. It’s really sad to think the dog got the short end of the stick but don’t blame the victim.

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

Yeah, like getting a restraining order is REALLY going to stop the ex from being violent towards her. /s

[@johnnagustafson9996]

Story 2...Santa gifts Who gives a 3 and 4 year old an Xbox, PS5, 2 switches and $500 cash? That is just crazy! I had grandparents that spoiled me rotten and grandparents that didn't buy me anything. Both sets of grandparents loved me...hugged and kissed me...were interested in me and made me feel special. As an adult, I don't think about the things...I remember the love.

[@elevin8858]

My granny had 10 kids and lived a tough life. She could not spend much money on her grandkids, but she was awesome- loved every one of us. I still have incredible memories of her showing me how to make corn husk dolls and stitch things from rags. I’m now severely disabled and living on a fixed income. And my gifts either come from the dollar store or are homemade. My nieces and nephews know that the gifts that come in little homemade bags are from Auntie. My sil loves the bags I make as she uses them as car activity bags and I always try to put something personalized to each kid in their bags. (Art supplies, or toys that they will enjoy, etc.) sil says the kids love their “auntie bags” and I don’t feel like I’m in a competition with others who can buy the kids more expensive stuff- but I also feel like the kids are getting very special gifts from me that are special in ways that expensive electronic toys are not.

[@meadowsong8560]

That is what I was wondering as well! That’s a lot of gaming systems for little kids.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

I understand it is difficult for op. I have two Kids and a small wallet. My rich sister always goes over the top. Money aint everything but it is difficult if she gives expensive gifts and your not. The feeling they like the ant more is always there. Lucky my daughters and i love each other and no money gets between us. But there where times i cried over this.

[@rebel1612]

I think the amount of gifts for their ages is outrageous. Why not spread the gifts out over the year. I also think its important like you said that the kids feel loved and cared for

[@JasmineSmith-vt2jc]

Tbh I think if that was my kids I like be putting my foot down and giving the grandparents a limit on how much they can spend. If they want to spend extra goes into a college/house fund

[@echoarches5484]

Coat into bear story: NTA. She was in an abusive relationship, had her mental destroyed, and dude even tried to break in her house. And then forces the dog away from her. He was focused on hurting her, he and the family, didn't care about the coat then. "The family didn't know about the abuse so they were innocent?" His mom TOLD him to get the dog from her. I call bull.

[@slipknotenthusiast6541]

I can't help but feel she could have tried to trade the coat for the dog..

[@ladyv5655]

She just needs to ghost him. I would think about moving out of the area if I were OP.

[@damien678]

the YTA comments are basing this on typical sentimental value to heirlooms, but it's crystal clear the petty family doesn't care about it. she's gotten significantly more sentimental out of it being remodelled into a teddy than all that family combined have gotten, clearly, for decades. who gives an heirloom to just a girlfriend of a family member?

[@Lugialuvr]

Hearing that comment like 'oh yeah the whole fact you were abused is irrelevant.' Like I had to do a spit take. She was ABUSED. The ex CAME TO HER APARTMENT AND SCARED HER into giving up the dog. For no other reason than HE DIDN'T WANT HER TO HAVE IT. A DOG Her companion whom she loved and adored. Her changing the coat she was GIVEN, even if it was an heirloom, into something beautiful she can appreciate BARELY compares. Especially since his mother egged him on to get the dog back. And he was ready to beat down her door and never give her a moments peace. The family wasn't innocent. And if they wanted it back they could've asked for it right away. They were willing to chase her down for the dog, but only came after it when they realized they didn't know where it was anymore. It was more important to harass and deny her a beloved friend and companion than their supposed irreplacable heirloom. I hope OP stays FAR away from that family

[@katarinatibai8396]

They are all narcissists and the coat story was realy a 🐎💩 claim only made up to guilt trip and harasse her. They give it away because no one wanted it in the first pleace - than after 6 months it became a golden coat - 🤯🤯🤯 Total agree - on bull crap - I smel narc crap.

[@bluejaywoman3421]

Breastmilk: The place I worked had a room for that. I did it during my lunch break. It had a fridge. OP should have gone to HR when he went off on you about pumping. OP gave the pig ammunition.

[@damien678]

His comments that her pumping was "gross" and "you're probably enjoying yourself" are absolutely coming from the idea that a woman's chest is something sexual. He was sexually harassing her and trying to paint it as him being victimised for how he was viewing her breasts as something sexual. Insane levels of misogyny all round

[@queenwilco3723]

The best comment on the kids destroying the toilet stated that making excuses only enables their criminal behavior. 8 and 13 are old enough to understand after the first failure that they had harmed someone serious) else's property. If they don't then there is complete failure on the parents and the dad now has to pay for the consequences to his actions or lack there of. Ridiculous, grieving is one thing but destroying property, making excuses for them doing so, and then splitting a husband and wife in the process only taught them the extent of their ability to ruin lives. Congrats to husband and brother in law for letting these kids know what kind of power they have and how sad for the people who will be hurt by them. They had 0 accountability for themselves and 0 shame before dad got involved so either they are psychopaths or had horrible parenting

[@gurglequeen433]

Imagine being so self important that you think choosing not to drink for a month gives you a moral high ground over someone with no problems related to alcohol. I would honestly love to see these people try to run an AA meeting.

[@jameswatson9338]

I love how everyone in the story is so afraid of being labeled an alcoholic, but none of them seem to understand the nature of alcoholism and are so excited to go labeling others as alcoholics. For one thing, an alcoholic is going to have a hard time stopping cold turkey for a month, and for another thing, stopping for a month and then relapsing is not a solution to alcoholism. It's more of a way to drink more than you can handle and die. It sounds like everyone involved looks down on alcoholism, which makes no sense given that it's a disease.

[@blissfull3147]

@Kayson Madden YTA

[@rebecca4480]

I think they was nagging him and he snapped back.

[@devorothknight4420]

But what if, OP is an alcoholic and the "group Dry January" was his wife's way of getting a support group to help her get him to address it?

[@emerystheimmortal417]

@@devorothknight4420 It does not sound like it This is like when my family wanted to go vegan for a month in January and I said no. I don't eat too much meat. i already have vegetarian meals twice a week, I do not want to so I did not.

[@reme001]

Send the bill for plumbing repairs to the BIL. BIL must sit down and discipline the boys asap.

[@leviathan8215]

As someone who lost a parent at a young age, it is no excuse and you’re doing disservice your children a great disservice by making excuses for them. Their grief is just going to be longer and harder

[@amyg1930]

Dry January Story: I'd say that a good analogy for this is someone pressuring you to do one of those group-diet challenges. Yes you have junk food once in awhile but it's not to a point where you're unhealthy since you work out and keep up an averagely healthy lifestyle. They start pressuring you and saying "Oh c'mon, you really need to reassess your relationship with food if you can't go a month without ice cream" and keep trying to peer pressure you into going on a diet

[@ThatsViews]

"We are so good and noble, we can give up alcohol/sex/eating/whatever for a month!" Yeah. How nice for you.

[@amberlexicon]

Right? Like cool. I'm neutral/happy for you. It's your body. Do what you want. But how tf dare you try to force me into doing what *you* want with *my* body against my will.

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

Yep.. just a bunch of virtual signaling and ironically: low grade bullying. If they want to do it, fine. Guilt and shaming really is in poor taste.

[@Gabitronia]

Story 1: I didn't look at OP implying they're alcoholics. I just saw him throw THEIR logic back in their face.

[@michaelplunkett8059]

Wife is annoyed he might have a good time and she can't. She wants equal suffering. So now he has to live with holier than thou Carrie Nation for a month. Book a solo ski trip.

[@dollface2907]

whats sort of worse is his wife tried to have him do it also, to defend the op here if he drinks every now and then whats the point, if it was going fry for a month and donating to a charity then it would be different, still funny how they can use logic at him but he is an arse for using the same logic back

[@ErisstheGoddessofmanhwas]

What I hate the most is alcohol and I think Op is an big a**hole .

[@dollface2907]

@@ErisstheGoddessofmanhwas how so, op doesnt want to do a dry month his wife willingly tried to rope him into and when it didnt work they tried to guilt trip him, yeah he could of done it better but its as he said if they need to make an entire month about not drinking, that says more about them

[@tennesseedogpack]

@@ErisstheGoddessofmanhwasjust use those feeling to make judgment. Squirt that ovary juice.

[@koditheexhaustedcryptid4193]

The coat story pisses me off lowkey, it became OP’s coat as soon as it was given to her, a teddy bear can still be passed down through further generations

[@blackrex828]

On top of that it was something forced upon them after repeatedly being turned down and no one from their side wanted the stupid coat. If they wanted the coat they should've kept it in the their family or wherever they had it before.

[@damien678]

@@blackrex828 or demanded it back after the breakup like the bf went out of his way to keep denying her the dog 🙃 the bf was so petty so it's clear as day how much the family didn't give af about the heirloom and IDK if it'd be the ""polite"" thing to give it back. maybe don't entrust a family heirloom to _a girlfriend_ you then horrifically abused if you wanted the heirloom to stay intact if it's value and what's 'virtuous' in this situation is based on sentiment, then OP did _the right and good thing_ because she got the most sentimental value out of turning it into a teddy, while that petty af family still haven't even thought about the heirloom

[@Tijggie82]

Same! No one wanted it! Wth is with those yta comments???

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Also the reason the ahole ex didn’t want op to have the dog was because the dog loved her and felt safe with her. He wanted to make sure op wasn’t happy with the dog. It was out of spite. Op should have kept the dog. Her father sucks telling her to give the dog back to her abuser. He probably lied and has the dog tied in his backyard 24/7 just to hurt OP and punish the dog. Men like this are evil AF

[@Lersa25]

I say, OP could burn that coat in a trashcan, record it and send the video to her EX, and still would not be an AH. It would not be a wise thing to do for her safety, of course, but she could do worse. It's a goddamned old coat, not some ancient treasure. Bugs can eat it and feel no guilt.

[@Cliez]

On that baby baptism story. I'd tell the wife since the baptism is just a little water, then the divorce is just a few pieces of paper.

[@marialindell9874]

It's not "just a little water". It's a religious ritual. And I say this as an atheist. The grandparents have no say in what religious rituals the baby goes through. Zero. Zilch. Here getting baptised also means that you get tons of paperwork because it is used as a religious ritual, but also as a "ritualistic" tradition to naming the baby max 2months after birth. By baptising the kid here you also tie it into a religion. The grandmother has violated their parental consent, made the baby go through an unconsented ritual when she knew the parent did not condone it and went ahead anyway. I get it that you may see it as "just a bit of water" but fucking hell it is much more than that!! Edit: I read it wrong, sorry! English is not my first language, my head is fuzzy from using acetone to get nailpolish off and I was getting angry at the grandmother.

[@Levithos]

For the first story, we don't know how much of his first paragraph was influenced by his friends and family putting pressure on him.

[@keepdancingmaria]

"We aren't married yet, he is. There's been a mistake" If I were your fiance, I'd've been so proud of you.

[@ZombieSazza]

Imagine telling a woman who’s lost her husband and child that she somehow “deserves it” for not being religious. Really glad OP is her friend, she needs a really supportive friend who is there to help her, to listen to there, to be there for her, to make sure she doesn’t obsess, to make sure it doesn’t spiral and to stand up for her. Really grateful to know she is supporting her friend, this’ll massively help her in more ways than OP will ever know.

[@Nope148]

Say it with me yall: You don't get a free pass by being lucky that your A-holery didn't do any damage (re: the egg roll story)

[@aliquot8404]

You really can give a long- time vegetarian some severe gastro-intestinal distress by stealth feeding them meat, especially beef of pork. It can be a very rough few days. This is because vegetarians have lost the enzymes necessary to digest meat. People with compromised gastro-intestinal systems also have an especially difficult time digesting meat in any significant amount. Many people who have partial or total colectomies (removal of the large intestine) will go totally or partially vegetarian because eating meat makes them feel ill.

[@bluejaywoman3421]

Did't the 'Wet Bandits', well just one of them, the taller one, just turn on all the taps and let the sings run over?

[@motherofdragons7709]

Thank you!! It was driving me crazy hearing them call them “The Boiling Water Bandits” that isn’t why they were called and that’s not what they did! They were called “ The Wet Bandits” and they would plug the sinks and leave the water running...making everything all wet...hence the name “The Wet Bandits!”

[@vampire9545]

It being winter in Chicago, I'd open doors to be the ice bandits 😆

[@mike60y]

Yes exactly they let the water run while it still did damage they didn't hang around boil some water while stealing in the winter and destroy every toilet in the house. He should be responsible for the damage caused by his kids

[@tinydancer7426]

How much alcohol are these people involved in the story drinking that going "dry" for a month is going to make that much of an impact on their lives? Seems to me that it has to be more than an occasional drink, which if abstained from, is not going to make a difference. How about having a dry month of not trying to force your opinions or objectives on someone else.

[@kitsunekyubi9358]

yes please

[@danielleburchette2599]

Hello. Good advice right here!😉

[@else9164]

In my country media makes a big deal about whole dry January thing every year. The op sounds like my husband lol

[@purplecrayonismine2585]

I agree that if that was everything that would be my conclusion as well, but I think there was an update and OP was actually alcoholic lol this was kind of a subtle intervention

[@tinydancer7426]

@@purplecrayonismine2585 Even so, where the hell do people think they have a right to impose THEIR agenda on someone else. OK, so what is accomplished if someone abstains for a month? What does it prove other than if you nag someone enough they will cave just to get you to SHUT THE HELL UP!

[@frozenheart7133]

So on the presents... I have a similar experience. Our youngest child was abandoned by my ex. His parents send amazing gifts at Christmas, and a lot of them, but they left out my youngest. I couldn't buy toys and a lot of people like the church, my mom, my sister and a neighbor sent presents or money for gifts. The kids ended up with plenty but they were so mismatched that I rearranged and labeled one present for every person that had contributed toward Christmas, bought the baby a present equivalent to what the grandparents sent, and labeled those ones from Santa. Everyone got credit for gifts generally, though the grandparents that left out the baby technically got a downgrade.

[@GreebleClown]

If I had broken all the toilets in the house as a kid… I’d be in so much trouble. 😨 Also I’d definitely have to clean it all up. I’d probably have to use a bucket until it’s fixed to make the lesson sink in that actions have consequences, and sometimes the consequences are shitting in a bucket. (At least for a day or two.)

[@beverlyarcher546]

God I wouldn't hear the end of it years later heck how can I forget the small stuff I did young when MOM"S SIDE NEVER SHUTS UP ABOUT IT BUT GOD FORBID IF YOU POINT OUT THEIR FAULTS like one great uncles daughter was pregnant during her last year of high school THEY WERE BARELY married I think a month before the baby was born but you don't hear about that or another great uncle whos daughter literally abandoned their 2 daughters every wed-mon on them while they went off to party IN THEIR 30s and only 10 years ago decided to take up the mantle because her parents are in bad health and one of the kids cussed at the grandparents but you don't hear that nope it's always about me and my brother while our golden sister is ignored heck they treated us like we were the ones going to get pregnant or a girl pregnant or end up doing criminally stuff WHILE IN MIDDLE AND HIGH SCHOOL yeah we were wild but we did nothing to give them that thinking we never ended up arrested heck I never stayed over at somebody elses house that never had the parents there and only one friend outside of the family that had brothers I didn't stay at any of my other friends house who had brothers the hissy fit my moms side had when they found out one of my friends father alone brought me home good thing I never told them he touched me but that was because I hugged him and went to step out of the vehicle forgetting about my twisted ankle from the day before still being a little tender and he had to hold me because I literally almost fell out of the vehicle i tended to be a little clumsy back in those days and his wife was at work and friend was at a cheer practice and everyone who could bring me home was working I love that guy like a second father literally he's a great guy except for that time he never touched me even when I hugged and thanked him after that he wasn't "allowed" to bring me home without someone parents said it was fine just don't tell anyone he actually did everytime he brought me home like 3 more times

[@zibix4562]

Peer pressure into not drinking? DARE lied to me!

[@maryharvey6909]

Some people have told me that if you don’t report the car stolen, then any problems or mischief he makes while he has your car, it is your responsibility. Check with your insurance company or somebody on that just in case they might know the answer for sure. His mom could have caused you a big problem by saying you let him drive it.

[@WobblesandBean]

26:55 Omg, NTA! If your husband is seriously going to take his demo nephews' side, then tell him he can stay with BIL forever. 28:20 Uhhh...how bout no? He's a big boy who willfully let his kids destroy someone else's home. God, I am SO sick of people on Reddit demanding that people bend over and take it up the rear again and again just cuz "pweeeshus bayyybeeeees" are involved. He SHOULD be pressured to pay for the damages. He sure isn't gonna do it otherwise.

[@grimlingLennie]

Fur coat story: How much are you willing to bet that those comments complaining about the "oh so valuable heirloom that they left behind" were ex's family. Also, guilt tripping her over giving up the dog? Nobody is exactly in the right mind after escaping an abusive relationship. OP safety was her number one priority.

[@daniellediller5070]

Yeh I've doing dry January for going on 3 years now, psyc meds and alcohol don't mix 🙃

[@AJDaniels5298]

Same. All of my psych meds and even most of my pain meds say Do Not Mix With Alcohol. I like whiskey, but not enough to jeopardize my health for it lol

[@nephtys369]

Oh I learned that the hard way…. But same

[@PowerStar004]

I'm confused as to why you'd only need psyc meds in January?

[@Gabitronia]

@@PowerStar004 they didn't mean it that way. They meant they've been sober for three years. Just said "Dry January" as a relation to the story.

[@beverlyarcher546]

Sober whole life

[@andreabergstrom983]

For the little girl who loves her plants. Get her some perennial house plants that are tolerant of the occasional forgetting to water or accidentally getting a chill. Try a spider plant (no actual spiders-just little stems that hang down and grow "baby plants" that will grow if cut from the mother plant and planted in soil). Philodendrons are cool. They will happilly climb hanging chains, curtain rods, walls, and are delightful. Cutting a slip of the plant from one of the growing stems will grow just fine if planted. Burro's Tails are hanging plants that grow little chunky baby plants that break off easily (like if you look cross-eyed at them) and can just be stuck in the soil about half way and happily grow new plants. Christmas Cactus is another great plant that when iy getss big enough, you can take cuttings from to make more plants. The ones I had always bloomed at Easter, but gardening books can tell you how to set them on a schedule to bloom at Christmas. My last advice-buy a good grow light and shelf set up. I have a feeling the plants will live long and prosper. All three of these plant species will easily give your daughter pieces to grow as new plants. Little plants in a cute pot are are nice gifts for family (except the plant murderer) friends, or to sell at a yard sale to give little Sweet Pea some money of her own. I hope her love of plants and gardening continues all her life. It is s great hobby and a calming thing to do when life is hectic-not to mention a great way to enjoy yummy veggies and flowers to brighten a day.

[@Germania72]

I can go for a whole month without doing "Dry January" and it's not intentional. Sometimes it happens. I don't get these challenges.

[@ekjamesable]

The "Santa" story has a funny smell about it, soooo the hyper rich GP's got a 3 and 4 yo a Ps5, Switches,Xbox and a wad of cash. It would be more credible if the children were teens. At that age the dollar store toys would interest them more and the coolest thing about the Ps5 would be the empty box to hit on while pretending they are drums.........

[@thatlycantomboy]

God, I was looking for this comment! Like, those game consoles would be downright useless to kids that age, and what-no, _how_ are they gonna use the cash? They don’t have a concept of money, they’re toddlers! Def smells funny

[@franhunne8929]

@@thatlycantomboy Seriously, do not believe all stories on Reddit are true stories.

[@thatlycantomboy]

@@franhunne8929 I definitely don’t, lol. I just think it’s funny when the suspension of disbelief just completely snaps

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

Thanks. I asked that question somewhere else here. Even though I’m an old fart, I was wondering wait a sec…the only time I’ve ever seen those tech toys mentioned in stories here is when the user is AT LEAST a tween. What would two pre-K kids do with it, except maybe use the controllers to bang pots with. Now the thing is, this is the GPs, and we don’t know how old they are. They might just be that clueless in that they know it has to do with computer games, that it’s a hot hot Xmas item that EVERYONE wants, and thought cool, games, toys, the kids will love this!! As for the cash, of course the kids won’t take care of the cash directly, but you can be damn sure that children that age know what cash IS, and what it’s for (to buy stuff). So the parents would keep the cash for them, to be doled out, or it’s supposed to go into an individual savings account for them for when they get older.

[@monopinion8799]

OP BRAVO! Taking a stand in front of the family to refuse homophobic actions. If the fiancé is offended then he has a problem to resolve before getting married.

[@apercu7239]

Not everyone is willing to forget that their spouse went behind their back and lied to them. It is betrayal, and even if he forgives her, he may never regard her as trustworthy again.

[@immortalsofar5314]

For me, anyone saying "don't do this for some arbitrary period" illicits an immediate response ending in "... off". The only drink problem I have is that I buy a 4 pack and forget about it in the fridge for a few months. Like OP says, if I want a beer, I have a beer. Sometimes that's even a can in consecutive months but pretty much guaranteed to kick in when someone tells me not to! I'd never heard of dry January but I guess that's now going to be one of the months when I drink a can.

[@aina3387]

Glad you included the Christian's comments on the story about the friend who lost their husband and child. I was gather my thoughts on it because I'm a Christian too, but their response is perfect!

[@skyelindsey687]

Honestly I would’ve sold the fur coat or donated it. No one wanted it. She denied it. They gave it to her anyways. The ex needs to go to rehab/jail. And a fur coat can go for at least $700+.

[@jellyriq]

Instead of saying "from santa" why not just ask the rich grandparents to stop throwing so much money around?? Because for sure they're going to be asking why one grandma loves them less because.. I mean, they're children. They're brains don't work much better than that.

[@Gayle.M]

Exactly, put a limit on how much is spent, don’t rename who the givers are.

[@Gabitronia]

If they're not listening now, what would you do if they ignored the request for a spending limit? (I'm really not trying to be mean. I just want to know what someone would do, if this advice didn't have the effect that would be hoped for, or expected.)

[@damien678]

I think a good solution would be to have the poorer adults pitch in on the big gifts, list it as from all of them... and for the sake of ego, have the rich grandparent's names be first, as a subtle hint it was paid by mostly them

[@car17yn71]

Regarding the guy that gave the extra $200 to his cousin, definitely NTA. 1. In the original post, he said that the money comes with a written explanation that the extra is to "share with your SPOUSE." The last I checked, a fiancée ≠ a spouse. So, OBVIOUSLY, there was a mistake since his cousin had a spouse and he didn't.

[@kaykay8855]

The heirloom story: NTA. Op, told her ex’s family that she didn’t want the fur coat. While I think that the coat did have some sentimental value to the parents, they probably didn’t want it anymore and op did said that they asked their relatives if they wanted it and they said no. My theory, they probably gave it to op in hopes that op will stay with their abusive man-child. The toilet story: NTA. Your nephews purposely destroyed your toilets. They couldn’t live in your house anyway because YOU HAVE NO WORKING TOILETS! Yes, the kids might miss their mother but the oldest is thirteen, mostly the ringleader. What they did was vandalism. The half brother stealing the car story : NTA. He stole the car. He’s 19 and should/know that if you take something with someone’s permission, THAT’S STEALING. Your father is enabling his son.

[@katwiltz1134]

What you did with that money was phenomenal there must have been some mistake because we're not married yet but they are ....perfection

[@naoko7184]

Re: the Home Alone/ broken toilets story. OP absolutely needs to get the insurance company involved asap. The brother in law needs to not only pay for the broken toilets, but a contractor needs to come out and assess for how much water damage has been done to the flooring and subfloors, and those repairs need to be paid for as well. In addition, he needs to fully cover their hotel bills and any costs for eating out, because unless they find a hotel room in the immediate area, they are not going to want to drive home to make every meal. I suspect that brother in law is going to balk when he realizes the damage will probably run into the thousands of dollars, and it’s best to let the insurance company handle all of this. The insurance company will also have other things they may recommend that I didn’t list. I would also never allow those kids into my home again.

[@Memento_Mori_Morals]

...this just upset me cause they didn't even flush boiling water down toilets in the films! They just let the water run... so the excuse that it's from the films is complete BS.

[@asomelord]

In regards to the "Santa" story i have a story of my own. Whenever the holidays came around we obviously would get atleast one big gift. One year i got a Gamecube, one year i got a trip to Florida with my cousins, Another year it was a GBA with many games... What i do remember is my grandparents always got me the greatest gifts. The year i got my Gamecube they bought me Mario Party 5 because they saw how much I loved Mario Party 2 on my N64. The next year we had a celebration at their old house and my grandfather pulled me aside and handed me a wrapped copy of Wind Waker because they knew how much I loved Zelda and Fantasy in general. The next year we all went to my aunts house and I got Smash Melee because it had all these characters I loved so much. The next year on my birthday my grandparents gave me Twilight princess. It's not the gift what matters, as cliché as it sounds it's the thought that counts. My Grandfather took the time to learn about what i loved and always managed to get me the perfect gift

[@angelicakaufman7183]

the existence of having to take a dry month also suggests the existence of a problem with going without drinking. Much more so than someone that doesn't drink constantly refusing to go dry for a month.

[@aliquot8404]

Yup. I don't drink either. But next January, I think I'll buy a bottle of white wine and figure out some more recipes utilizing wine. • Salmon baked in white wine, garlic, and butter • Two tablespoons added to a bowl of French onion soup. Love that baked cheese on top. Ok, now I'm hungry. Why wait until next January?

[@cheallaigh]

i might drink like a beer/baileys coffee or something every few months... basically i don't drink, my hubby and friends love the fact until the world went wonky, they had a DD when needed. i think they were wrong to try and peer pressure him into not drinking... it's a freakin trend and for someone who only drinks occasionally, not needed.

[@beverlyarcher546]

My reason for not drinking alcohol is I lost to many family members to a dumb alcoholic my cousin/aunt grandparents took guardianship of her thus the aunt lost both her parents to one and a cousin she survived the crash would have walked away alive if the seat belt hadn't wrapped around her neck her friends had to watch her slowly choked to death because they all stupidly decided to get in an alcoholics vehicle everyone else had survived and another cousin literally hit and ran on a woman while drunk with his two young sons in the vehicle the only charges his rich dad and mom couldn't bail him out of

[@jkman9828]

I drank in January on a birthday, and people got on my case because it's "Dry" January, they got pissed when I told them it's not my problem they need a month to contain themselves, I drink at most 3 times a year in total, on seperate days. Aka 3 days a year. I am not the one that needs it. Then I was a butt hole for calling them alcoholics.

[@GreebleClown]

2:14:48 When I house sat for my cousins I also had to take care of their plants. They had ones that I knew were like pets to them, and I had a detailed list of exactly what to do with each of them in each day. I thought it was a bit excessive for plants myself, but I still followed that list to the letter because I also knew that some plants can be finicky, even hardy plants can suffer a bit if their routine is disturbed, and especially because it was important to my cousins. And no, they couldn’t just buy a new plant, the kid grew that plant herself.

[@angelicakaufman7183]

you know what maybe it was petty to change the fur coat but it was way way worse and more Petty for the mother to push the ex to take the dog away.. the latter is way way worse than the former with the details involved

[@emeraldqueen1994]

A suggestion to the OP whose daughter lost her plant, I suggest Aloe or bamboo (both tough plants that are REALLY hard to kill) EDIT : I had a cat for ten years (he was the first pet that was mine from when I was 4) he passed away at the foot of my bed and that wound is still painful even after just about a full decade

[@judyjohnson9610]

Also Mother-in-law's Tongue

[@mckaidenchristensen2884]

Those mink teddy bears were worth thousands

[@Anamais666]

I need to not watch these videos at work everyone's going to freak out and wonder why I'm screaming at my tablet

[@chiquitaf16]

Story 2: I mean… he bullied her into giving up the dog with encouragement from his mom. Taking away a living animal with fur trumps the furry hide of a dead animal.

[@ameixsell]

Story 1, do dry January, but block all of these friends, and reassess your relationship with them for that month

[@winters0lider976]

My dad lost his mom at 13. Before that he was an amazing kid. After he lost his mom he turned into a little devil. I can believe that these kids are going though unimaginable pain and acted out, although the father should offer to pay for the damage

[@beverlyarcher546]

One of my uncles ex wife you could tell when the kids went to her on her weekend they were prefect little angels but little devils afterwards parents refuse to go into detail on how the father got all three but from I've been told she is childish my uncle really must have had some hard proof to get full custody but one weekend a month woman never even had to pay child support

[@skyelindsey687]

“He’s TA for him calling them alcoholics”. But he only said that after they called him an alcoholic for not wanting to do it.

[@echomoon3381]

Dry January... It's kind of ironic that this is a thing in January, after the biggest, most celebrated drinking night of the entire year!!! I haven't had an alcohol drink in probably over 6 nonths. BUT like OP, if I feel having one I will. NOW if someone tried to get me into a 'No coffee in January' thing or for any month, I would tell them NO right quick. And if they tried to pressure me, I'd tell them all to F off.

[@Suelorie]

Whether you are or are not an alcoholic putting him down for not agreeing to follow the crowd is making the group Aholes. He is not the AH. They judged him first and he threw it back in their faces.

[@marleybee1946]

If someone gives you a gift it belongs to you. Do what you want with it.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

Last story mistress is a first class ahole. She's like a worm virus manipulative and causing so much pain with little care for the consequences and i am truly sorry for her child. Some of OPs elitism is dripping through her text but she must be in a lot of pain. Alex should have communicated before having a DNA test but I understand why she did it and glad the relationship is starting to heal.

[@rebecculousrk]

The Sweet Pea story actually had me in tears, for two reasons. First, I survived childhood abuse of every variety, but the stuff that has really stuck with me forever after was cruelty of this very type. When you love and cherish a living thing, whether it’s a frog, a bird, a kitten or even a plant, as a child we anthropomorphize and we imagine that this is a beloved friend for whom we feel responsible. The accidental loss of such a bond is devastating, but the careless or intentional killing of such a thing is an act of cruelty that deserves to be acknowledged. The grandparents insistence that protecting her daughter’s emotional well being is “stupid”. That too should addressed outside of the presence of the child.

[@OhCyrus]

Story 1, none of them wanted the damn coat. Too dang bad, they should have never given it to a non family member.

[@Suelorie]

the kids who broke 3 toilets were not infants they were misbehaving beyond reason-one was bad enough but they went on to destroy all of them-NTA. Once the "gift" was given it was up to the one given the money what he did with it was his to decide . The fellow was not married to the fiance-like he said the tradition was married ones got $500 singles got $300 Bravo OP

[@ThePinkBinks]

I get the feeling the father who delusionally rejected his son as not being his didn't understand that "99% likelihood" of being the father means you're the father. It's not supposed to say 100% positive. Of course, then he could make claims his wife slept with a close relative of his. The paternity test can't fix his delusions.

[@samalvarez8776]

I feel like he's cheating and was hoping she did the same thing.

[@samalvarez8776]

Either he's cheating, stupid, or both

[@ThePinkBinks]

SamMcCauley I think stupid is a given on this one.

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

@@samalvarez8776 I didn’t get that impression. I lean more toward the fact that he realized he just didn’t want to be a father. He didn’t want to put the work in, and when he found out he was the father, then “it’s done “. The only way he could get out was to bail out of the marriage. He would still be on the hook for child support, but he didn’t want to parent a child. Just send a check monthly and disappear.

[@Rabbithavenstitchery]

3 broken toilets story: Keep in mind, they poured boiling water down 3 separate toilets. They had to make repeated trips to boil the water, bring it to the toilet, and pour it down it. They knew, after the first one, that it would break the toilet, but they kept doing it. My take on it is that they enjoyed and had fun breaking the toilets. They got a kick out of it. The mother excuse was only because they saw it might get them out of getting disciplined for it. I'm not discounting they do miss their mother, but I guarantee they weren't thinking about their mom while enjoying the experience of breaking the toilets, they were probably laughing with glee. The oldest child was 13, who probably was the ringleader. No matter what, I wouldn't let them back in my house, and I WOULD file a police report, and insurance. The FATHER of the children would be held responsible, and it might be a learning lesson for him to keep better tabs on his kids, or at least get him to actually discipline his own children if they do other destructive things in the future.

[@TonyA-gx1ts]

And one more thing to that kid whose brother took your car. Get the hell out of that toxic house. Not sure how soon you can scrape your money together to move but the sooner you do the better

[@corawellsome]

I think it would be best to put a spending limit on each kid for gifts if it is causing arguments

[@lindahoward7309]

Grandparents biggest joy is making the Littles happy. Young ones like cheap little toys as much as expensive ones. The in-laws just spend money, The grandma makes things with love, and gives love.

[@judyjohnson9610]

Agreed! Or they could funnel some money into an education fund. The best gifts that I got from my grandparents was their time. We all lived in a small town

[@delilahbelle2125]

Last Story: Honestly, if my child's actions directly resulted in my husband's mistress dragging me into a lengthy court battle while I'm still processing both his death and betrayal, I don't know that I could forgive my grown child easily.

[@StaraptorEagle]

The plant is called a pothos, pronounced “poh-thous.” I do believe that’s just a typo lol.

[@Timesowimey]

For the xmas money story, half the money was his and half was hers. He can do whatever he wants with HIS half of the money, especially since they arent even married.

[@platinum_noelle]

Other people: omg dry January! It'll be such a challenge, It'll be so fun! Me, with a suspected alcohol allergy: cool story, bro 😎

[@feraltaco4783]

Anxiety SUCKS. The rational part of your brain is still working but it gets completely over ridden by the irrational part. It sucks fighting that in your head.

[@reme001]

Man who shared xmas money with gay relative-- way to go! You probably should have spoken to your fiance first, just to be on the same page.

[@cheallaigh]

the eggroll pisses me off... possible food allergies aside, that is so wrong, they're not a friend and good riddance.

[@innochantheumbreon]

The story of the religious woman saying it was the friends fault her husband and child died for not accepting Jesus has clearly never read the book of Job, OR the entire new testament.... If she had, shed know thats not how it works, if you accept religion or no, and I cant imagine Jesus being proud of the words she said smh Edit: hey, a theologist mentioned Job! Thats EXACTLY what i mean. A false friend for sure.

[@BodyLanguageAnalysisInterrogat]

❤ comment about Job & New Testment & Jesus. That is so interesting, I was thinking of that exact part of the of Bible.. Satan used some of friends or "Comforters" (sarcasm) to Gaslight & try and break Job's faith. Anyone trying to imply God now punishes should consider Ecc 9:11 "time and unexpected events overtake them all." God & Jesus will bring loved ones back together again, so why would they take 2 good men from her? My heart breaks 💔 for the poor woman who lost her husband & son. Also the "so-called Christian" was not acting as such. It was gaslighting, spiritual abuse and I can't imagine the damage she caused. Thankfully the friend did the right thing by getting her out and comforting her friend, the widow.

[@ronstreet6706]

The breast milk story: that sounds like s*xual harassment to me!

[@damien678]

It legit was. His comments that her pumping was "gross" and "you're probably enjoying yourself" are absolutely coming from the idea that a woman's chest is something sexual. He was sexually harassing her and trying to paint it as him being victimised for how he was viewing her breasts as something sexual. Insane levels of misogyny all round

[@jilll7074]

for the girl with the plant. I got a parakeet for my 8th birthday. 2 yrs later we went on vacation and left him with my parents friends, left him, and their parakeet with another friend. those friends let the birds out the door. my parents told them I was mad and cried for days. dad just said get over it. it wasn't intentional. that was the end of it. I never forgave those people though

[@heatherdickau5335]

The story about the sister who let the plant die/killed it.- What I take from this is the child learned a hard lesson about her aunt. She learned she can't count in her aunt when she needs help. She will never forget this.

[@jdd9993]

If you don't want your husband "diagnosed" online, don't air your personal issues online. OP's husband is heading for a major mental breakdown and she needs to protect herself and her son.

[@tylerbaird7287]

I was thinking yes, but the way they immediately just started challenging him when he said he wasn't interested

[@Haphazardpdf]

The homophobic grandparents Christmas story: imagine the worst homophobia you’ve faced is that you get LESS (not NONE) free money you weren’t entitled to in the first place. Also, imagine you’re joining a family and your fiancé takes a gift meant for you, and just hands it off to another family member to “make a point”. There are many other ways and opportunities to make that same point.

[@kirtemoon529]

The one about the little girl’s plant makes me so sad. I love fish, and have been keeping bettas and other tropical fish since I was ~13/14, as a distraction from my ASD diagnosis (long story). My first ever fish was a little betta names Hanzo. He was the greatest pet I ever had and probably ever will have, but that’s a story for a different day. When he passed away, I was so distressed that he wasn’t in his tank, that my parents bought me a baby rhododendron; this thing was still a sprout, and looked like a few twigs someone put in a pot of dirt. Whenever a fish of mine passes away (very common due to their birth and treatment in the stores, but I’m not gonna preach about that. Long story short is, these little guys/gals are usually born sick or stressed to the point of shortened lifespans, especially in my area.) we will bury them under the roots of the babydendron, so they can return their energy to the earth, and not rot away in the town’s sewer. I’ve had this plant for nearly 6 years now, and while it hasn’t grown at all- like seriously, aside from a few leaf buds this thing has never grown larger or bloomed a single flower- I literally *sobbed* a month ago when a rainstorm came through my area and broke one of its branches off. If *anything* happens to a living being that you have a strong connection to, its not going to be the same if someone buys you a similar looking replacement because *its not the same*. That little girl is NEVER going to forget what happened, and will probably never like gardening, or her aunt (most likely both), in the same way ever again if she even has enough strength and forgiveness to try again.

[@robkitchen]

I absolutely enjoy your commentary on these posts.

[@pandapuff4634]

My parents have always had a fishtank. It's the easiest to clean up after, and the fish don't get in your space. Me meanwhile, always had a cat or two. In recent years, I got a snake. The most exotic pet anyone in my family's really had, even if it's just a lil basic cornsnake. I did all the research and my mom constantly brings up how the snake's doing, or buys something nice like a new climbing vine. I had to leave for 2 weeks, and since my snake is still young, he couldn't wait that long for me to feed him. I asked my friend, who's had snakes in the past, to come take care of him, make sure the tank didn't get too dirty, give him fresh water, all that good stuff. She did great... and proceeded to put googly eyes and little cacti clothespins all over my house that I am STILL looking for. It went well. Though my mom was also rather brave, unexpectedly. (She can't even pick up a bug to get it out of the house... I can't either, but besides the point!) She could see my snake sitting on a perch away from the water, and she noticed the waterdish was low. She cleaned it and refilled it. I like to think that made a difference and made my snake happy. I know I was touched making a simple effort to be sure something I cared about was doing well.

[@andreabergstrom983]

About the fellow who didn"t want to do dry January-he should not have implied those who wanted to be dry must be alcoholics. That answer raises red flags for me. Often alcoholics try to blame their problems on others.. I would worry that the husband who wom't go dry MAY have a drinking problem-also may not. That said, you are correct that it is impossible to force anyone to stop drinking. An alcoholic will only get sober if he decides he needs to do it. If the wife really does think her husband has a drinking problem she needs to act carefully-and attend AlAnon meetings (meetings for friends or family of alcoholics) If this dry January, was meant to be an intervention, it was poorly done. If I were the wife of this-i'll drink if I want to and not drink if I chose not to-I would keep a log of what happens when he chooses to drink, and what happens (or doesn't) when-if ever-he chooses not to drink . The notebook should not be used as a bludgeon when wife is angry. Instead, if sometime the drinking causes real problems like problems at work, car accident. DUI arrest, or physical abuse , a calm (as possible) discussion is in order. The record of what has happened before can explain why the wife is angry /really concerned . It might give the husband the wake-up call he needs. If it doesn't get him tto understand and make a decision to look as his behavior, she may have to make unpleasant choices in the future.

[@chelseyhoward1352]

About lying to a priest. I’m not Catholic. I’m actually Wiccan but I still wouldn’t lie to a priest.

[@MythicalHex]

for the xmas toilet story, tbf the kids didn't even mention their mother, probably never even thought about it until their father mentioned it and that's when they started crying.

[@victorchozen4205]

As an alcoholic myself ,I agree with OP. Let us drink daily if we want. I stand with you 💯 keep drinking your beers a day 🍺 🍻

[@jeremybiwer8756]

Regarding the half brother and the car, my family went through something similar. My uncle was getting divorced and borrowed his sister's husband's truck to move. His son took the truck to go to a marching band performance without permission and wrecked it. Uncle convinced his sister and brother in law to not file charges then refused to pay the deductible.

[@ladytenor9876]

At least, the sweet pea plant got a fare well kiss. I shed some tears when the human Sweet Pea did that. 💧💧💧🌸

[@tammibransom5752]

I'm not Catholic , but I am a Christian. We believe that a person has to be old enough to understand the meaning of salvation before they can be baptized.

[@gigaswardblade7261]

Bruh, did they forget that switches are also portable? You cant really expect kids to share a handheld.

[@rebeccabrown3252]

The dry January story - the amount of effort they’re putting in to pushing him to join makes me wonder if there’s a chance it’s their subtle intervention considering how defensive he got about it.

[@decorumgun]

i lost my mom right before Christmas when I was 10. I did act out but I didn't have any emotional support either. i dealt with isolation and neglect because my relatives didn't want to deal with me. what I needed was support, a routine and to feel seen. those kids sound like they're neglected because the dad was asleep and thats when they did the damage. Dad needs too step up and not be a big baby

[@feathersprinkles]

I would’ve struck a deal, either I keep the dog or I’m turning the coat into a teddy bear and making it multiple social media accounts.

[@Suelorie]

as for Abby- forcing her to go would set her up to be sullen, unco-operating and could result in her trying to sabotage the wedding-the wedding would be ruined

[@michaelplunkett8059]

Sorry Ben, she wants to keep her mother company that day. I have to respect her choice as I respect yours.

[@RichardJordan-rt1jo]

Dry January is another one of these stupid fads I have never taken part in. Like OP said I'll drink when I want to and not drink when I don't feel like it. I can go months without drinking but not going to make a song and dance about it on January. It's like high school, I wasn't a follower then and I'm definitely not a follower 25 years later lol.